A Question I Couldn’t Answer…Immediately

I want to share an insight that dawned on me recently – one that’s a bit of a personal revelation and a professional one too. It’s about the essence of influence.

True confession – I used to hate Q&A. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been comfortable speaking in front of a crowd. I know that is terrifying for many people, but I enjoy the opportunity to share with an audience. It’s especially gratifying when I can win over skeptics. However, I couldn’t always say the same thing about Q&A after a presentation.

When you present, you’re in control but Q&A puts the control in the hands of the audience. What will they ask? Will I have a good answer? Will I freeze and look like a fool? I guess the same things that paralyze people about speaking were at work on me until my wife Jane made a passing comment one day. She told me her favorite part of my presentations were the questions at the end. She said I always had such good answers and it made me look like more of an authority. A new perspective!

An Unexpected Question

Ever been in a situation where a simple question catches you off guard? It happened to me last week during a training session with leadership consultants. We were deep in discussion about building relationships when someone popped a question that left me stumped, momentarily. They asked for an example of when I had given unexpectedly in a business context. I needed a moment. The answer didn’t come immediately, but the pause was enlightening.

You see, in our lives, we often encounter instances where our actions leave a lasting impact, yet we’re oblivious to their significance in the moment. These instances, I believe, are when we are our most authentic selves. Our actions aren’t driven by a desire for reciprocity; they stem purely from an intention to help.

This got me thinking about how we view influence in our professional lives. In my experience, both as a Cialdini Certified trainer and a lifelong student of persuasive communication, the most profound influence isn’t about tactics or strategies. It’s about principles – ones that become ingrained in who we are and guide our actions, often subconsciously.

Authentic Influence

So, why does this matter? In business, and particularly in sales, the difference between being merely effective and truly influential lies in authenticity. When you internalize the principles of ethical influence, they cease to be something you “do” and become a part of who you “are.”

I’ve learned, through my journey, that the art of influence isn’t about control. It’s about letting go of that need to control every interaction and outcome. I used to fear losing control, not having the right answers. But as I grew more comfortable, I found that not having an immediate answer wasn’t a setback. In fact, it was an opportunity to demonstrate authenticity and authority.

In those moments of uncertainty, our true selves shine through. And in the world of influence, authenticity is your greatest asset. It’s about being present, genuine, and focused on the benefit of others, not just the outcomes you seek. Aristotle put it best when he said, “Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.”

An Invitation

So, here’s my invitation to you: As you navigate the complexities of your professional relationships, think about how you can transform your approach to influence. Move away from seeing it as a tool for persuasion and start viewing it as an opportunity for genuine connection and mutual growth.

Remember, the most impactful influencers are those who don’t just “do” influence; they “live” it. Their actions are not a calculated strategy but a natural extension of their authentic selves.

So, I was asked a question I couldn’t answer…immediately, but it wasn’t a fearful thing as it had been in the past. It was good because of how it developed my thinking and how it’s hopefully benefitting you now.

Your Experiences

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. Have you ever found yourself influencing more effectively when you’re simply being you, rather than trying to follow a script? I look forward to seeing your stories.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!