You Haven’t Given Me A Gift, You’ve Given Me An Obligation

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Across much of the world, it’s the holiday season and for many people the biggest holiday of them all is Christmas. Some celebrate Christmas as the season of joy and peace. For others, it’s the season of love. For most it’s the celebration of the birth of Jesus.

A huge part of the modern celebration of Christmas is Santa Claus, Christmas trees, and holiday music. In some stores Christmas music started around Halloween! Of course, the holiday season represents the bulk of sales for many retail stores, sometimes accounting for as much as 70% of their gross revenue!  A successful holiday season is a matter of economic survival for many businesses.

Gift Giving

All of this leads to another Christmas tradition – gift giving. The television show The Big Bang Theory had an excellent holiday episode on the exchange of gifts. Sheldon feels pressure because Penny got him a Christmas present and here is some of their interaction:

  • Sheldon: You bought me a present?
  • Penny: Yes.
  • Sheldon: Why would you do such a thing?
  • Penny: I don’t know, because it’s Christmas.
  • Sheldon: No Penny, I know you’re thinking you’re being generous but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift, you’ve given me an obligation.
  • Penny: Honey, it’s okay, you don’t have to give me anything in return.
  • Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as the gift you’ve given me. Gosh, no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.

The skit nails the rule of reciprocity. A powerful principle of influence, reciprocity alerts us to this reality – we feel obligated to give back to those who’ve given to us. We are taught this rule in early childhood. Someone did something kind for you and mom or dad said, “What do you say?” You responded, “Thank you.” And the conditioning began! Sheldon wasn’t responding to Penny out of the goodness of his heart but rather a lifetime of conditioning when he felt the need to match Penny’s gift.

We also see reciprocity at work powerfully in another of the Christmas traditions – exchanging holiday cards. Have you ever received a card in the mail from someone not on your list? How did you feel? If you’re like most people you probably responded in one of two ways:

  1. Got a card in the mail to the other person pronto, or
  2. Added the person to your mailing list for next year.

Why Do You Respond?

Why do you respond this way so often? Because it would be socially awkward next time you saw the other person if you didn’t reciprocate and they noticed.

In fact, we’re so conditioned by reciprocity that we often respond when we don’t really want to. Here are some examples:

  • You’re at the mall and someone from a kiosk shoves something in your face and begins asking you questions. You respond, “No thanks,” even though you’re not thankful they accosted you.
  • You get mailing labels in the mailbox and you respond to these “gifts” by sending the charitable organization a small donation.
  • You’re out with friends, have had enough to drink and are ready to go home, but you stick around to buy a round because you don’t want to be seen as having drinks but not paying for a round.

Some Uplifting News

But there’s good news in all this. Sheldon wasn’t 100% accurate. He said suicide rates skyrocket during the holidays but that’s not true. According the NYU Lagone Medical Center, “The media often links suicides during this time of year to the ‘holiday blues.’ However, various studies have shown no relationship between depression and suicide, and the holiday season. In fact, researchers found that depression rates and suicides actually drop during the winter months and peak in the spring.”

Conclusion

While it may be the season to reciprocate, don’t buy gifts and send cards this time of year under penalty of death. But beware, you might feel awkward around some people for a time if you break the rule of reciprocity.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 650,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

The Vacation Bathing Suit Revisited!

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The Original Story: Reverse Psychology and the Bathing Suit

Early on in my blog, I wrote a piece called “Reverse Psychology and the Vacation Bathing Suit” and people found it to be quite funny. In fact, when I tell the story during training classes I always get lots of laughs. Many years ago, I tricked my wife into buying the bathing suit I liked. I look at it this way: I’m the one who will be looking at it more than anyone else, so I should have a strong vote. I got my way because I told her I didn’t like a particular swimsuit knowing that would probably make her want the suit. It’s a husband-wife thing that guys will get for sure.

A New Vacation, A Familiar Challenge

Not too long ago we (Jane and I along with Abigail and her friend) found ourselves in familiar territory once again. With just over a week to go before vacation, we were at the mall when Jane announced, “I need a new swimsuit for vacation.” My eyes lit up and the wheels started turning in my mind!

The Plan: Double Reverse Psychology

Immediately I said I was going to have to use double reverse psychology to get what I wanted. That was mostly to make Abigail laugh and throw Jane off the scent of the trail. But I did have a plan.

We got to the section of the store where the women’s bathing suits were and there wasn’t much of a selection, at least from a guy’s point of view. Mostly floral patterns and designs that looked like things your grandma wore when you were ten years old.

The Psychology of Compare and Contrast

In psychology there’s something we call compare and contrast. Whatever you present first dramatically impacts what comes next. For example, a woman might think a certain guy is reasonably good-looking…until Brad Pitt walks into the room. All of a sudden Mr. Reasonable becomes Mr. Undesirable when standing near Mr. Pitt.

Another example: you love your quaint little house with all its idiosyncrasies…until you go to the Parade of Homes and see what the Jones’ have. Now it’s a race to keep up with the Jones because your quaint home ain’t so quaint no more…by comparison.

You get the basic gist of compare and contrast and that became my angle with the help of my young accomplice. I told Abigail to go hold up some really bad suits so the ones I liked would look extra good by comparison. After seeing a few suits that might look good on her mother’s mother my choices looked pretty appealing to Jane. But the real test still remained – the dressing room mirror!

The Dressing Room Test

Jane took three suits in which was a good move on her part because it’s easy to compare three but get beyond that and it’s tough. Have only one, and you won’t know if something might look better. The same goes for looking at just two swimsuits. Think about it for a moment, most things are sold in threes: small, medium, large. If you’re at Starbucks it’s Tall, Grande or Venti. I’m a runner and running shoes always have a low end pair, medium and high priced shoes. Pay attention, and you’ll be amazed.

So, Jane tried on all three and I liked all of them. When she’d come out and ask my opinion of a particular suit, I’d tell her I liked it. She accused me of playing mind games with her and said that she didn’t know what to think. I did have one I liked most but I wouldn’t have been disappointed with any of them. It was like someone offering me a date with Miss Ohio, Miss California or Miss Texas – I might have a favorite but I’m going home happy no matter what. And so it was when we left the store.

The Aftermath: Posting the Picture

So you might be wondering, where’s the picture? I did include a photo in the original post and got an email from Jane that read, “YOU MIGHT WANT TO ASK MY PERMISSION BEFORE POSTING MY PICTURE WEARING A BATHING SUIT ON THE INTERNET.” (Caps were her idea) Actually, she was good natured about it but I’m not about to press my luck. As you read this the family and I are enjoying a week’s vacation at Put in Bay and I’m enjoying Jane in her new swim suit. Life is good.

The Takeaway: Using Compare and Contrast in Persuasion

My goal with this blog is to help you to learn to hear “Yes!” Become effective at using compare and contrast and you’ll be able to frame your persuasion appeal in a way that gives you the best chance of hearing that simple three letter word.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

The Most Influential Holiday Gifts You Can Give 😊

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I hope you and your loved ones have a wonderful Thanksgiving. If you’re a go-getter, you may already be getting ready to celebrate another holiday – Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, or Festivus 😊 – so it’s a good bet you’ll be exchanging gifts with friends and family.

I’m sure you want those important people in your life to enjoy more success and happiness, so I hope you’ll consider giving one or more of my books as a gift.

The Influencer

The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness tells the  story of John Andrews, an ordinary person who becomes an extraordinary influencer as he learns from coaches, mentors, friends, and others on his life journey.

Nearly every character you’ll read about is based on someone I learned valuable lessons from in life, so it was an honor to include them in the book.

Available in Paperback or Kindle

 

 

Influence PEOPLE

Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical is a business/psychology book that dives deep into the practical application of influence in everyday situations including  business examples, case studies, social media, and more.

Influence PEOPLE was named One of the Top 100 Influence  Books of All Time by Book Authority!

Available in Paperback, Kindle, or Audible

 

 

Persuasive Selling

If you’re in sales, even if you’re not in insurance, then Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents is the book for you because you’ll learn how to ethically influence clients at each step in the sales cycle.

You’ll also find out how to influence people based on their personality, ways to incorporate pre-suasion into sales, and you’ll learn a five-step process to significantly improve your listening skills.

Available in Paperback or Kindle

 

Buy the Bundle and Save 15%

All three books tother would be $50 on Amazon. However, if you’d like autographed copies of each along with a personal letter, you can buy the bundle for only $43 – a savings of 15%! (U.S. residents only due to shipping)

From my family to yours, Happy Holidays!

 

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Why Black Friday Makes Us Irrational (And How to Shop Smarter)

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Why Does Black Friday Make Us Crazy?

Black Friday—the unofficial kickoff to the holiday shopping season is days away. You’ve probably seen the videos: doors flung open as shoppers rush in, some even jostling for position like big time wrestlers. Why do otherwise “rational” people brave the chaos, endure early morning alarms (4 am), and scramble to grab a deal? The answer lies in the powerful psychological principle of scarcity.

Black Friday isn’t just a shopping day—it’s a masterclass in influence.

Scarcity: The Power of “Not Enough”

Psychologists have long known that people place higher value on things they perceive as scarce. Black Friday sales exploit this brilliantly. Retailers play the scarcity card two ways: time-limited deals and limited availability. You’ve seen the ads: “One day only!” or “While supplies last!” That ticking clock on your favorite retailer’s website or the “only 3 left in stock” triggers an almost automatic response: I need this now.

When faced with scarcity, we often don’t think about whether the deal is actually good or even if we need the item. We act out of a deep-seated fear of missing out. Ironically, the scarcity mindset blinds us to the fact that discounts might improve closer to Christmas when stores clear inventory. But by then, the lure of Black Friday has done its job.

A Competitive Edge: Shopping as a Sport

Black Friday taps into another psychological driver: competition. Standing in line or fighting for the last item on the shelf creates a sense of rivalry. Success isn’t just about snagging a deal—it’s about winning. Retailers know this and create a competitive atmosphere by emphasizing limited stock. Suddenly, grabbing that gaming console isn’t just a purchase; it’s a kind of victory.

Are the Savings Worth It?

Let’s talk about the math. Imagine spending 12 hours shopping to save $200 on a big-screen TV. That works out to about $16.67 per hour. Would you normally take a job that paid so little for such a hassle? Probably not. But when we’re in the moment, driven by emotion and competition, logic often takes a backseat.

Even more perplexing is how people rationalize these choices. Many wouldn’t drive across town to save $200 on a car—a much bigger purchase—but they’ll sacrifice sleep and time for a $200 discount on electronics. Behavioral economist Dan Ariely calls this phenomenon predictable irrationality, and it’s on full display every Black Friday.

Reflection Over Frenzy

I’m not here to tell you not to shop on Black Friday. For some, it’s a cherished tradition—a mix of adrenaline, bonding, and bargain hunting. But I encourage you to pause and reflect before diving into the frenzy. Ask yourself:

  • Would I make this effort on any other day?
  • Am I shopping because I need something, or because the marketing told me I’d miss out?

If you answer honestly, you might save yourself time, stress, and maybe even money.

Conclusion

Black Friday is a fascinating case study in influence. It’s a reminder of how our decisions—especially financial ones—are shaped not just by logic but by psychology. As you prepare for the holiday season, consider how the principles of scarcity (competition) and even reciprocity (those “doorbuster” deals designed to pull you in) influence your behavior.

Do you participate in Black Friday? If so, what drives your decisions?

Happy Thanksgiving—and if you shop, happy bargain hunting!

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Don’t Ask to Pick My Brain – Hire Me!

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Let’s get right to the point: Don’t ask to pick my brain. Hire me.

If you’re a consultant, coach, or in any field where advice is your product, you’ve probably heard requests like “Can I pick your brain?” or “Can we hop on a quick call? I’d love your thoughts.” It sounds innocent, even flattering, but here’s the reality: They’re asking for free advice.

Time and expertise are valuable. When someone casually requests “just 30 minutes on Zoom,” they often overlook the years it took to gain that expertise and the countless hours spent mastering that skill. What might look like “just 30 minutes” is the tip of the iceberg in terms of what someone like me – and many of you reading this – have invested.

Business Isn’t Free – and Neither Is Expertise

As an entrepreneur, I quickly learned that every aspect of the business comes with a cost. In a corporate role, you have teams for marketing, accounting, and more. But when you’re solo, you either spend your own time on tasks or pay someone else to handle them. This reality hit me hard when I first left the corporate world: time is money.

When I seek advice from professionals like my accountant or lawyer, there’s a charge. And that’s not only fair; it’s essential. They’ve built their careers and expertise over years, and their clients respect that investment.

Why I’ve Had to Learn Boundaries

I work as one of only a dozen Cialdini Certified trainers globally, and I’m also a LinkedIn Learning instructor. My role centers on helping others develop their ethical influence skills, and I genuinely love doing this work. But, early on, I learned a valuable lesson: saying “yes” to every “pick your brain” request didn’t lead to new clients. Instead, it left me drained and devalued the advice I was sharing. And for those of you who charge for your expertise, I imagine you can relate.

Free advice isn’t fair to paying clients. People who have invested in your services deserve your full attention and commitment. They aren’t just supporting your business; they’re showing respect for your knowledge.

Why “Free” Speaking Gigs Often Aren’t Worth It

The same principle applies to speaking engagements. I used to accept “opportunities” where I wouldn’t get paid, hoping the exposure would land me clients. However, it rarely did. Now, I politely decline non-paying speaking offers and explain that I owe it to paying clients to keep a standard. Exposure is great, but compensation respects the effort and preparation required.

Respecting Expertise Means Valuing It

If you’re an entrepreneur, remember: it’s okay to set boundaries. A brief introductory chat is fine when time allows, but beyond that, your expertise has a price – as it should.

And for those seeking advice, consider this: You wouldn’t expect free counsel from your doctor, lawyer, or accountant. The same respect should apply to consultants and coaches who, like any professional, have invested heavily in their skills.

A Story to Illustrate the Value of Expertise

I’ll leave you with a classic story that captures this dynamic perfectly:

A manufacturing company faced a major breakdown and called a repair specialist. After a few minutes of assessment, the repairman grabbed a wrench, turned one screw, and the machine was up and running. His bill? $10,000. The client, shocked, asked, “$10,000 for turning one screw?” The repairman replied, “Turning the screw was $10. Knowing which screw to turn – that’s $9,990.”

Expertise isn’t just about actions; it’s about knowing the right action.

On LinkedIn, I share tips, insights, and stories daily – all for free. But if that content isn’t enough to help you implement solutions, consider it a signal: it’s time to hire me (or whoever’s expertise you seek).

So, the next time you think about picking someone’s brain, ask yourself: “Do I value their time and expertise enough to pay for it?”

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

The Influencer Trainee

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This is my last week on the other side of the world so I’ll share some one more writing from one of my books.

Today’s post comes from my third book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness. This book is a business parable that follows the life of John Andrews, and ordinary person who becomes and extraordinary influencer. Here you’ll read about his time as a trainee on his first job out of college.

The Trainee

Although John enjoyed the two months off between graduation and starting his first job, he was chomping at the bit to begin this new phase of life. College had been fun but by the time he was a senior he’d had his fill of campus life and everything that goes with it. Seeing friends who’d started their careers made him a bit envious. They had new cars, nice apartments, and some were traveling.

It was mid-July when John walked into MediTech headquarters as a trainee. The front of the three-story building was mostly glass and the morning sun lit up the entire lobby, giving a pleasant feel to start the day. The workday started at 8:00 a.m. but the trainees were told to arrive at 8:30 a.m. so everything would be ready for their first day. The atmosphere of the corporate headquarters was exciting and a little overwhelming initially. There was a buzz about the place as people hurried to and from meetings. Despite the hectic pace it was a friendly atmosphere as people walked by and said hello to one another.

The company put him and five other sales trainees up in apartments for three months. They would all go through an eight-week training program then spend a month shadowing various salespeople before getting their territory assignments. John’s assignment could land him anywhere in the country and he was excited about the possibilities. He’d spent his entire life in the Midwest and wanted to see more of the country.

The training would focus on teaching him and the others about the industry, the company, their products and services, their ideal customers, and basic selling skills.

While three months of training seemed like it would be a long time, especially from the perspective of a 22-year-old, it flew by. Everything was new – the city, the company, the people he met, the places he went, what he was learning – and that seemed to speed up everything. John and the other trainees felt like they were drinking from a firehose. At least in college there were breaks between classes, but this learning was 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. followed by at least an hour of study every night. He felt like a whole year of college was crammed into those few months of training.

Fortunately, John loved everything about the experience. Unlike many college courses, he knew what he was learning at MediTech would be directly applicable to his role as a sales rep. Just as he’d done with his Psych 101 course, John wrote down the highlights of what he was learning. This time he used yellow sticky notes that he strategically placed around his apartment and office. They served as visual reminders of what he needed to keep front and center. Below is what stood out to John. What he wrote on his sticky notes are in italicized font followed by his interpretation of the message.

  • Is this a career or just a job? He needed to decide because there was a big difference. Approaching his new role at MediTech as a career, not just a job, was as different as approaching something as a passion instead of a hobby. He knew he would pour more time, energy, and effort into a passion over a hobby. Knowing that, he decided he would view his work as a career, not some job he took just to pay the bills.
  • If you don’t believe in your company, why should anyone else? If you can’t look a prospective customer in the eye and confidently tell them you believe you’re their best option, why would they ever place their business with you? No company is perfect and sometimes you have to acknowledge a competitor might be the right choice. That kind of integrity will win you more business than you lose.
  • The customer isn’t always right and that’s why they need a good salesperson. This one shocked John because it went against the old adage that the customer was always right. Then he realized, how can anyone always be right? Especially in the absence of all the information? A prospective customer will never know as much about your company, your products and services, or competitors as a good salesperson. This understanding can be used to gently show prospects there might be a better way than they’re currently considering.
  • “Selling is the process of persuading a person that your product or service is of greater value to him or her than the price you’re asking for it.” John heard this quote from sales guru Brian Tracy used several times in the sales training. It made sense because it reminded him of what he’d learned about the science of influence in that psych class during his freshman year of college. Persuasion was the underpinning of selling.
  • People prefer to do business with people they like. This also took him back to that psych class. He remembered his likability was a big reason he got the job offers. He was beginning to realize what he learned in the class was the secret for dealing with people and selling.
  • “Yes!” is critical for your professional success and personal happiness. John knew success in sales was contingent on getting customers to say yes. He also saw that getting to yes was critical to get the company to adopt any new ideas he might come up with. On a personal level he knew he’d never get a date without hearing yes first.

While John learned much more during the first two months of training, these pearls of wisdom stood out from the rest.

Interesting in read more about John Andrews and his journey to become an influence master? Click here to order you copy of The Influencer.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

 

Everybody Sells, Everybody Influences

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As I mentioned last week, I will be out of town for most of the last three weeks of October, including a two-week trip to Australia! Given the time change (14 hours ahead on the other side of the dateline), I decided to share some writings from my books.

This post is a short section from my second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents. You’ll find out Brian Tracy’s definition of selling (it’s the best I’ve come across so no need to reinvent the wheel) as well as the value equation.

Everybody Sells

You’ve probably heard it said we’re selling all the time, every day. It may be a product, a service, an idea, your company, or yourself. Whatever it is, you’re trying to get people to buy or buy-in.

“Everybody sells” was our mantra at the insurance company where I worked for decades. My former boss and close friend, John Petrucci, revived that concept and infused it throughout the organization. The cultural belief was everybody had a hand in promoting our company. Done well, this would result in customers wanting to buy our insurance products, agents would want to represent our company, and people would want to work for the organization.

Seldom was money exchanged in those interactions, but there was a whole lot of persuasion taking place because, at its core, selling is persuading. As noted earlier, Brian Tracy hit the nail on the head when he said, “Selling is the process of persuading a person that your product or service is worth more to him or her than the price you’re asking.” That’s a great definition for selling so let’s break it down into its three core components:

Selling is a process. Too many people approach selling like they do most other things in life – they wing it, making it up as they go – rather than following a disciplined process. Unfortunately, winging it in life, business, or sales, seldom leads to optimal results.

Flexibility is an important skill in life, business, and sales because even the best laid plans go awry. Ex-heavyweight champ Mike Tyson famously said, “Everyone has a plan…until they get punched in the mouth.” When you take the proverbial punch in sales you need to be ready to pivot and respond.

As a student of improv comedy I’m all for creativity and improvising in the moment. You may not know this but even improv comedy has rules for creating great scenes and experiences for audiences. Perhaps the two best known improv rules are:

  1. Yes, and… This rule teaches improv students to affirm one another’s ideas then build on them. When you do this you can create great things out of nothing more than an idea.
  2. Make the other person look good. If each person in the improv group strives to give opportunities to others that are in their sweet spots then everyone can play to their strengths. Do this and everybody wins.

Improvising within those two simple rules leads to a better experience for the cast and audience. Likewise, understanding the sales process and thoughtfully maneuvering within it will create a better experience for the salesperson and prospective client.

Selling entails persuasion. Persuasion is more than changing hearts and minds. Those may be good first steps, but neither is enough if you don’t hear “Yes!” at the close of the sale. We’ll explore persuasion in-depth in the next chapter.

Selling is an exchange of value. We all value things differently. As a kid I collected baseball cards because I played Little League ball and looked up to the major league ball players. If you think about it, a baseball card is nothing more than a photograph with a baseball player’s statistics on the back. Despite that, some people are willing to pay thousands of dollars for certain cards because we all value things differently.

Think of value using this formula V = WIG / P. Value equals what I get divided by price. If you can get more insurance coverage for the same price that’s a better deal. Likewise, if you can get the same coverage limits but pay less, you feel like you’re getting a better deal. Value is all about what you get relative to what you pay. But make no mistake about it, value is about more than price and coverage. Some people place a premium on working with a local agent, for others outstanding claims service is the key, and for some it’s all about trusted relationships. It will be incumbent on you to determine what a prospect values as you ask questions throughout the sales process.

Everybody sells embodies the belief that we’re all selling every day. Once you understand this you begin approaching conversations differently because you realize everything you say and do matters. Make no mistake about it: persuasion is the heart of selling and comes into play in every step of the sales process. The more you understand how people think and behave, and the more you’re willing to incorporate that understanding into your communication, the more successful you will be.

If you like what you read and want to learn more about the intersection of influence and sales, click here to order your copy of Persuasive Selling.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Revisiting J.C. Penney’s Pricing Strategy and Influence

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I will be out of town for most of the last three weeks of October, including a two-week trip to Australia! Given the time change (14 hours ahead on the other side of the dateline), I decided to share some writings from my books.

This post is a chapter from my first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. You’ll read my take on J.C. Penney’s pricing strategy then learn how things actually turned out.

Will J.C. Penney’s New Strategy Positively Influence Sales?

Have you heard, J.C. Penney is going to radically change its business strategy? The giant retailer is getting rid of its traditional sales in favor of low prices all the time, slashing many items by 40% or more! In addition, they’re going to do away with confusing pricing for a simpler approach. No more $14.99 items, they’ll be $15, and those $19.99 items you love will be a nice round $19 or $20. Yahoo Finance ran an article, J.C. Penney gets Rid of Hundreds of Sales, which gave more details on Penney’s new strategy and some of the reasoning behind it.

On the surface you might be thinking this is great for the consumer but don’t forget, Penney’s isn’t doing this for customers; they are doing it to help the bottom line. The company believes sales and profits will be stimulated by lowering and simplifying prices. To help with the implementation, the company brought in some heavy weights in the retail industry from Target and Apple. This is obviously no ill-conceived idea but I want to look at whether or not it will positively influence sales.

Let’s start with doing away with “the sale.” The sale is as all-American as baseball, apple pie, and motherhood! People love a big sale because it makes them believe they are getting a great deal which makes the buying decision easier for the consumer. When you buy something on sale, part of the purchase decision is triggered by the contrast phenomenon. While $26 might sound reasonable for a certain item, it looks really good when compared to the normal $45 price, and you know saving $19, more than 40%, is a great bargain.

The downside is Penney’s is losing the bang for the buck, so to speak, because there will be no higher price to compare to and no desire to take advantage of the deal. Considering nearly three quarters of Penney’s sales revenue came during promotions last year, where prices were slashed by 50% or more, you begin to see how much they could lose if this strategy backfires.

And what’s up with that pricing? Charging $39.99 for an item doesn’t fool anyone because we know it’s essentially $40. Selling an item for $14.99 cannot possibly induce more sales than a $15 price, can it? It sure can!

In William Poundstone’s book Priceless: The Myth of Fair Value (and How to Take Advantage of It) he cites a study in which sales were tracked for an item which sold for three different prices: $34, $39, and $44. Unit sales were highest for the $39 price as was the total revenue. When the item was priced at $39 total revenue was 9.5% higher when compared to sales coming from the $44 price. When the $39 revenue was compared to the $34 price, total sales revenue was a whopping 50.6% more than when the item was sold for less! There are different theories as to why sales tend to be higher for items ending in $9 or $.99, but one thing is undeniable – it works. If it didn’t, retailers would have abandoned the strategy long ago.

As noted earlier, with former Target and Apple executives at the helm this change looks like it makes sense on the surface. Only time will tell if the new strategy works. But let me bring to mind something you might remember, New Coke.

The new flavor for the world’s best-selling soft drink was a well-planned and thoroughly tested idea. Because New Coke was preferred by a margin of 2 to 1 in blind taste tests over regular Coke, it was thought to be a no brainer when it hit the shelves. After all, what could be better than improving the best-selling product in the world? And yet it was an abject failure, considered one of the 100 worst marketing ideas of the 20th century. And you know the rest of the story; New Coke gave way to Classic Coke, the old standby!

J.C. Penney’s new strategy may not have the same kind of response as Coke, but my gut tells me after the initial PR wears off, Penney’s will be no better off and perhaps worse off because it will have abandoned some of the psychology that goes into the buying decision for many of its loyal customers.

UPDATE: It turns out my analysis was correct! Here are notable follow-up items:

  1. In January 2013, J.C. Penney’s CEO Ron Johnson, who had come over from Apple, acknowledged Penney’s wasn’t Apple. He was the catalyst for the new branding and pricing that was failing badly. The evidence of the failure was the 40% decline in the value of Penney’s stock.
  2. In April 2013, J.C. Penney’s let go of Johnson.
  3. C. Penney – now JCPenney – has gone back to its old sales format.

How can you Influence PEOPLE? Change is inevitable and businesses must always consider what they stand to lose with change. People often resist change. And, too much change, too fast, can spell disaster. Even test marketing doesn’t guarantee success because it may not alert customers to what they might lose. Remember, it’s not just about the impact on the business – assess how customers will respond with an eye on the psychology of persuasion and you’ll be better positioned for success.

If you found this blog post insightful and want to learn more, click here to order your copy of Influence PEOPLE.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

The Surprising Benefits of Celebrating Loved Ones “Just Because”

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This week’s post is a rework of something I wrote 15 years ago, when our daughter Abigail was just a teenager. I thought it was an appropriate topic because she recently shared some wonderful news—she and her husband Tyler are expecting their first child in March! As you might expect, Jane and I are over the moon with excitement about becoming grandparents. I hope the article encourages you to celebrate loved ones in a similar manner.

As someone who teaches the art and science of ethical influence, I often talk about how persuasion isn’t just for professional success; it can lead to more personal happiness. When we learn what triggers a “Yes!” response, we can shape our communication to make it easier to connect with others. Whether you’re managing a team or raising kids, the principles of influence—unity, reciprocity, and consistency—can make personal relationships flourish.

Today, I want to share something that’s been a tradition in our family for nearly three decades: a “Special Day” for our daughter, Abigail. This isn’t about birthdays or holidays. It’s an ordinary day that her mom and I make extraordinary for Abigail. We do it simply because we love her.

The Power of Recognition and Love

Many of us are familiar with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but what about a day just for your kids? A day where you take the time to remind them how special they are. We started Abigail’s Special Day when she was very young. The idea was simple—pick a random day, surprise her in the morning with breakfast in bed, a few gifts, and then spend the rest of the day doing the things she loves. When she was little, it was McDonald’s for lunch and a Disney movie. As she grew older, it shifted to horseback riding, trips to the mall, or a visit to her favorite restaurant.

The best part? It doesn’t have to be extravagant. The joy comes from the surprise and the thoughtfulness behind it. Abigail has mentioned many times that she enjoys her Special Day as much as Christmas or her birthday!

Why It Works: The Principles of Ethical Influence

The reason this simple gesture is so powerful lies in a few key principles of influence that I often discuss in my books and workshops:

  1. Unity: People, especially children, respond positively when they feel loved, deeply connected, and appreciated. Showing that you care in small but thoughtful ways deepens the bond of unity and makes communication smoother in the long run.
  2. Reciprocity: When you go out of your way to make someone feel special, they naturally feel compelled to give back in some way—whether it’s through kind behavior, hard work, or even just being more open to your guidance.
  3. Consistency: By creating a tradition like a Special Day, you reinforce a consistent message of love and care. This consistency builds trust and security, especially important for kids as they navigate life’s challenges.
  4. Surprise and Delight: One of the most influential things you can do is to surprise someone in a positive way. This amplifies the power of giving. When you do the unexpected, it sticks in their memory and strengthens the emotional connection.

The Impact on Self-Esteem

Another benefit of a Special Day is how it boosts self-esteem. Children, especially teenagers, often struggle to find their identity apart from peers. A tradition like this gives them a sense of uniqueness, reminding them that they are loved for who they are, not just on special occasions like birthdays, but every day. It helps them stand a little taller and face life’s pressures with a sense of security.

How You Can Apply It

Don’t have kids? No problem. This idea doesn’t have to stop with children. You can apply the same concept with employees, friends, or loved ones. As a leader, recognizing someone on a random day just because they’re doing a great job can work wonders for morale and loyalty. Imagine how an employee would feel if you took them out to lunch or gave them a small gift simply because you appreciate their hard work—not because it’s a company milestone or their work anniversary.

It’s these little, unexpected acts that build deeper connections, enhance loyalty, and yes—make influence more natural when it matters.

A Simple Gesture Makes a Big Difference

As I reflected on how we celebrated Abigail’s Special Day over the years, it struck me again just how impactful this tradition has been. At the end of the day, her hug and heartfelt “thank you” were worth far more than the modest gifts or activities we planned. The returns from this small effort are huge, both emotionally and relationally. It’s not about the grand gestures, but the thought behind them.

So, here’s my challenge to you: Think about how you can create a “Special Day” for someone in your life. It doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. It just has to come from the heart. Whether it’s your kids, partner, or colleagues, take a moment to remind them they are valued—just because. You’ll be amazed at how this simple act strengthens your bond and, as a bonus, makes influence in your relationships effortless.

Let’s hear your ideas! How do you make people feel special in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Quarterly Newsletter

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I love fall because it’s the nicest weather of the year in Columbus, Ohio. The nights are cool and crisp, and the days are sunny and warm, and there’s very little humidity. On top of all that, it’s the start of the football season. 😊

There are only three month left in 2024, but that’s enough time to sprint the finish to end the year right and roll into 2025 with momentum. I hope you’re on track for a great year, professionally and personally!

But here’s the biggest news to share with you. Our daughter Abigail and her husband Tyler are expecting! Jane and I are excited to become grandparents in March. Being a father has been one of the greatest joys in my life and I have a feeling being a grandparent will match or exceed it.

Sincerely,
Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

  •       Why – Help you enjoy more professional success and personal happiness.
  •       How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.
  •       What – Speak, write, train, coach, and consult.
  •       Who – Clients include leaders, salespeople, business coaches, insurance professionals, and more.

Here’s What’s New…

Speaking

Q2 included trips to Indianapolis, Westfield Center, and Des Moines. That was in addition to work here in Columbus and online training. In a few weeks I’m off to St. Louis and then it’s Melbourne, Australia! When I left my corporate role, one of my goals was to travel the world to teach people about ethical influence and the impact it can have professionally and personally. Hopefully the trip to Australia will be the first of many overseas adventures for Jane and me.

Writing

My newest book, His Story, My Story, Our Story, launched in early June and I continue to be overwhelmed by the feedback.

The book delves into my father’s time as a Marine Captain in Vietnam, the impact those experiences had on my life, and our relationship. If you’ve not already picked up your copy, visit Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Books-A-Million.

Here are recent comments from readers:

“I enjoyed reading you and your father’s story. It motivated me to consider the positive influence I can have as a father over the next 20+ years, Lord willing!”

“The author’s very moving and (for me) tear-generating book beautifully and painfully described all the by-products of such a brave sacrifice.”

“You, your dad and your family positively influence the world around you.”

In Case You Missed It…

During the quarter I was a guest on several more podcasts. I enjoy podcasts because of the people I meet, exposure to new audiences, and a chance to share influence stories to help listeners.

Above Board with CandorPath Podcast  – The Power of Pre-suasion

John Kennedy invited me back on his show to talk about Pre-suasion, ways you can set the stage for more effective influence. We also touched on the ethics of influence. John is such an enjoyable person that I could talk to him for hours, but we limited our conversation to 45 minutes. To watch and listen on YouTube, click here.

Keep Hustling Podcast – Virtuous Hustle

I connected with Aaron Gordon after hearing his interview with a mutual friend, Carey Wallace. We dove into the significance of honesty and transparency in sales, the ethical use of influence, and the psychology behind persuasion. I shared my journey from the insurance industry to becoming an entrepreneur and highlighting the importance of addressing objections strategically. To listen in on YouTube, click here.

Shopper Approved Podcast – Applying Robert Cialdini’s Principles of Influence in Business

I met Duane (DJ) Sprague and Scott Brandley at Influence Amplified when they were promoting their new book, Reputation King. Because they’re big Cialdini fans, they invited me on their show to talk about different ways to utilize the principles of influence in business. Click here to check out the episode.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 750,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!