Everything changed in March when our first grandchild, Emmett, arrived. It’s hard to describe the joy this little guy brings simply by existing. We’re blessed that Abigail and Tyler live only ten minutes away, allowing us to see Emmett multiple times a week and watch him grow.

As I see him discover the world, I think about what’s happening in his brain. He doesn’t understand words yet, but his mind is forming connections at an astonishing rate. One day, he will know what hands are, what stars are, and what a house is. It’s a beautiful reminder of how we’re wired to learn and adapt.

Naturally, my screensaver is a picture of Emmett. Every time I see it, I think, I love that little guy. But what does this have to do with influence?

Robert Cialdini’s principle of Unity teaches that we are more likely to say “yes” to those with whom we share a deep bond—a shared identity. Nowhere is that bond stronger than in families, where we share the same genetic makeup.

There are things we’ll do for family, even for relatives we don’t particularly like, that we would never consider doing for friends. You’d likely donate an organ to a family member before you’d consider doing so for even your closest friend. We’re wired this way to ensure our family lines continue, and it’s why unity creates such powerful influence.

I believe Unity is the principle of influence that most closely aligns with love. Not the romantic kind, but the biblical kind of love, defined as putting another’s well-being ahead of your own. Parents would rather suffer themselves than see their children suffer. It’s the highest form of sacrifice, and I believe it’s built into us by God.

With Emmett, this becomes clear in new ways. Babies are completely dependent on others for survival, yet they bring us joy without having to do anything. Their simple existence is enough.

While I don’t wish away a moment of these early days, I look forward to the day when Emmett can speak and begin to understand the world. I want to pass on to him the lessons I’ve learned about life, faith, and ethical influence—just as Jane and I did with Abigail when she was born.

Back then, our desire was to pour the best of ourselves into Abigail while helping her avoid the mistakes we made. I believe if we can do this with our children, the world becomes a better place, one person at a time.

Three decades later, we have the opportunity to do the same with Emmett. The challenges of 2025 are different from those in 1995, but human beings are still wired the same way. Despite technological advances, the human brain hasn’t changed in any significant way for more than 30,000 years. Emmett is working with the same hardware you and I have.

The opportunity to teach him how to influence people ethically, how to navigate life’s challenges, and how to walk with God excites me more than I can express.

None of us will live forever, but parts of us live on through our children and grandchildren. As we share what we’ve learned, they carry those lessons forward. In that sense, we all continue on—if we choose to instill in those we love the wisdom we’ve gained.

Much like influence, everyone understands this truth at some level, but few approach it thoughtfully and intentionally. I encourage you to think about those you love:

• Are you actively instilling in them the best parts of yourself?
• Are you sharing the lessons that will help them live happy, fruitful lives?

If not, there’s no better time to start than today. Unity and love aren’t just abstract concepts; they are the quiet, daily opportunities we have to leave a meaningful legacy—and influence the world for the better, one life at a time.

What’s one lesson you hope to pass on to those you love? Share it below—I’d love to hear it.

Do you want to see more of this kind of comparison? Take a look at this sneak preview from my upcoming book, Influenced from Above: Where Faith and Influence Meet.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

If you’ve been following me recently, you know I’ve been head down writing my next book, Influenced from Above: Where Faith and Influence Meet. It’s due out this fall, and it’s a project that’s deeply personal because faith is the most important part of my life.

My goal with the book is to explore how timeless spiritual wisdom intersects with Robert Cialdini’s principles of ethical influence.

After reading an advance copy, Cialdini wrote, “With this book, Brian Ahearn provides a marriage of spiritual inspiration and psychological illumination that is matchless in my experience.”

Now, when you’re immersed in a project like this, you start to see examples everywhere. And recently, I ran across one in Scripture that grabbed my attention — not because it was a great example of influence done right, but because it showed what happens when influence goes wrong.

It’s the story of the twelve spies in the book of Numbers. Moses sends a representative from each tribe to scout out the Promised Land. When they return, all twelve agree on one thing: the land is rich and abundant. But that’s where the consensus ends.

Joshua and Caleb stood firm in faith, urging the people to trust God and move forward, but the other 10 spies focused on fear. “Then Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, ‘We should by all means go up and take possession of it, for we will surely overcome it.’ But the men who had gone up with him said, ‘We are not able to go up against the people, for they are too strong for us.’ So they gave out to the sons of Israel a bad report of the land which they had spied out, saying, ‘The land through which we have gone, in spying it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants; and all the people whom we saw in it are men of great size. There also we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak are part of the Nephilim); and we became like grasshoppers in our own sight, and so we were in their sight.’” (Numbers 13:30-33)

You probably know how this is going to end. The majority ruled. The people listen to the ten, not the two. Fear spread, faith faltered, and an entire generation missed out on the Promised Land.

That’s the power — and the danger — of social proof.

Social proof is one of the most powerful tools in the influence toolkit because, in a very real sense, we are pack animals, wired for connection. It’s why we read reviews before trying a restaurant or follow the crowd when unsure what to do. We assume that if everyone else is doing something, it’s probably the right thing.

But here’s the catch: social proof is neutral. It doesn’t care if the crowd is right or wrong — it just amplifies what the crowd is doing.

That’s what happened in the desert. The Israelites had every reason to trust God based on prior experience, but they let the fear of the majority drown out the truth they already knew. They followed the crowd, and it cost them everything.

So, what’s the lesson for us?

First, if you’re a leader — in business, ministry, or life — be cautious how you use social proof. One of the most common missteps I see is when people point to the wrong crowd to try and influence the right behavior.

Here’s what I mean: a teacher says, “Half the class cheated on the last test,” hoping to shame students into better behavior. But what do students hear? “Everyone’s doing it — I guess it’s normal.” And guess what? Cheating goes up.

If you’re trying to discourage a behavior, don’t highlight how common it is. Highlight the positive instead. Even if only a few people are doing the right thing, you can frame it as a growing trend. And that’s often enough.

People are more likely to follow a behavior if they think it’s catching on. “More and more students are turning in their own work,” is a stronger, smarter use of social proof than “Everyone’s been cheating.”

Second, remember this: the majority isn’t always right. There will be times, as leaders or people of faith, where you’re called to stand with the few — maybe even stand alone — against fear, noise, or bad advice. That’s when influence meets integrity.

Joshua and Caleb didn’t win the popular vote. But they stayed true to what they believed, and in the long run, they were the ones who entered the land flowing with milk and honey.

As you go into your week, I’d like to challenge you to think differently about influence. Not just how you use it — but how it’s being used on you. Who are the “ten spies” giving bad reports in your life? And who are the Joshua and Caleb voices you need to listen to more?

Influence is everywhere. It’s happening all the time. Let’s be more intentional about how we use it — and more discerning in how we respond to it.

Your Turn

• Have you ever seen social proof point people in the wrong direction?
• What are some creative or positive ways you’ve used it to drive good behavior?

Drop your thoughts in the comments — let’s learn from each other.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

In September 1996, John Petrucci joined State Auto Insurance as an Agency Development Specialist. That’s when our focus on sales really started to come to the forefront. I had the good fortune of learning more about sales in that first year with John than I had in my previous ten in the industry!

John resurrected an old company slogan: “Everybody Sells State Auto.” We shortened it to ESSA, and the message was simple—no matter your role, you had a hand in selling.

Even the mailroom? Absolutely. When mailroom employees did their jobs efficiently, agents and policyholders received timely communication. That’s part of great service and great service keeps customers coming back.

Of course, in any large organization, some people embrace the message while others tune it out. So, we got creative—and tapped into a little psychology.

I had been writing a monthly intranet publication called ESSA to highlight how different teams and individuals were contributing to our sales growth. Then we added a twist: an ESSA(Y) Contest.

We invited employees to write short essays about how they were helping to “sell” State Auto. Everyone who submitted an entry received a sleek pen with the ESSA logo. At year-end, we randomly selected two winners to have dinner with our CEO.

Over 180 people participated—nearly 10% of the company. And something fascinating happened.

People didn’t just write essays. They started thinking differently about their roles. They took more pride in their contributions. They looked for ways to add value.

What Made It Work?

Behind this idea were several principles from Dr. Robert Cialdini’s research on ethical influence:

1. Consistency

Retailers have long known that asking customers to write why they prefer a product increases brand loyalty. When people reflect and articulate their reasons, they naturally become more committed. Why? Because we want to act in alignment with what we say and believe.

By encouraging employees to write how they were helping the company succeed, we invited them to see themselves as part of the sales process—and once they did, they were more likely to continue that behavior.

2. Social Proof

As submissions rolled in and were shared across the company in the monthly publication, employees saw how their peers were contributing. That visibility created a ripple effect. The more people saw others like them stepping up, the more likely they were to follow suit.

3. Authority

When respected employees—those with strong reputations—shared their stories, their actions carried extra weight. People naturally look to trusted experts for cues on how to behave and succeed. That’s the power of perceived authority.

4. Reward (Not Reciprocity)

Some might assume the contest used reciprocity—but it didn’t. Reciprocity is about being the first to give. In our case, we offered rewards after participation—a well-crafted pen and the chance for dinner with the CEO. Those were incentives, not reciprocation. And they worked.

Why This Still Matters Today

This small initiative had a big impact—and not just because of clever branding or nice giveaways. It worked because it tapped into core motivators of human behavior.

People want to feel that their work matters. They want to be seen, heard, and part of something bigger. Influence, when applied ethically, helps reveal that meaning and motivates action.

So, here’s my encouragement: Don’t wait for a massive campaign or top-down directive. Look for creative, principled ways to engage your team. Influence isn’t just about changing minds—it’s about shaping cultures.

Your Turn

Have you seen something like this work in your organization? Maybe you’ve launched a campaign, started a recognition program, or used storytelling to shift behavior. Share your experience in the comments—I’d love to learn from you, and so would others.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Last week, I shared some thoughts on the rise of “lived experience” and the need to interpret those experiences carefully—because, as I put it, lived experience is an “N of 1.”

That post sparked got me thinking more deeply about a related question: What do we use to measure our experiences against?

In this week’s post was prompted by a deep discussion with ChatGPT. I want to take the idea of lived experience a step further by looking at the insights of two profound thinkers—Dallas Willard and C.S. Lewis—both of whom have a lot to say about truth, morality, and why our personal experiences need a larger framework to have lasting meaning.

A Broader Perspective

While it’s important to respect people’s lived experience, it’s just as important to place that experience within a larger moral and philosophical framework. As I mentioned earlier, lived experience is an “N of 1.” And that’s the crux of the problem—it’s limited by the nature of personal perspective. But what happens when we act as though our one experience defines the truth?

What Dallas Willard Might Say

Dallas Willard addressed this very issue in The Disappearance of Moral Knowledge. He warned that we’ve drifted into a cultural mindset where objective moral truth has been replaced by subjective interpretation. Morality, once considered a form of knowledge, is now treated as personal opinion. Willard’s concern wasn’t that people have experiences—of course they do—but that we’ve begun to treat those experiences as the sole authority for what is right, good, or true. But as he would say, just because something is deeply felt doesn’t make it morally valid.

What C.S. Might Say

Similarly, C.S. Lewis argued in Mere Christianity that there exists a Natural Law—a shared moral framework that transcends culture and time. He pointed out that while societies may differ in how they express values, all human cultures recognize moral principles like fairness, honesty, and courage. In that view, lived experience is best understood in light of a greater moral order, not in isolation from it.

What Willard and Lewis offer is a caution: when lived experience becomes untethered from shared moral knowledge, it becomes easy to confuse personal truth with universal truth. That leads to fragmentation—not just in society, but within each of us.

Listen to Lived Experience: Value and Learn from It

While our lived experience shapes our reality, always ask: How does this experience fit within a larger moral reality? What wisdom from centuries of human reflection—across faiths, philosophies, and cultures—can help me interpret it rightly?

In a world that increasingly shouts, “my truth,” we would do well to pause and ask:
What is the truth—and how can we know it, live it, and share it wisely?

Written in conjunction with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!