I recently read a LinkedIn post where the author shared a fascinating study about music in a wine shop. Simply changing the background music dramatically shifted whether customers bought French or German wine.

Then someone commented: “What kind of music should I play in my toy store?”

I understood the question. But I also think it revealed something about human nature.

We love quick fixes. We assume that if one tactic worked somewhere else, it will work for us too.

Imagine someone saying, “I want to get in shape. What should I do?” The easy answer is, “Exercise more and eat better.” But is that really helpful?

What if they’re already eating well? What if they already work out three days a week? What if they’re training for a marathon instead of trying to lose weight?

A good fitness trainer doesn’t begin with advice. They begin with questions. They want to understand the person’s goals, current habits, limitations, schedule, and health before recommending a plan.

Business isn’t much different.

Could the toy store owner play songs from the Toy Story soundtrack? Sure.

Would it help? Maybe. Or maybe not.

A good consultant wouldn’t start with a playlist. They would spend time understanding the business, its customers, what has and hasn’t worked, and what success looks like before making recommendations.

Real transformation—whether it’s improving your health, growing a business, or becoming more influential—rarely comes from copying someone else’s tactic. It comes from understanding why something works and whether it fits your situation.

I see this regularly in my own work.

Clients rarely read Influence or Pre-Suasion and immediately know how to apply those ideas to their organizations. The books expand their thinking and help them recognize possibilities, but translating decades of behavioral science into practical action usually requires deeper analysis.

That’s why research matters.

This is where research-based approaches can make a big difference. For example, people were asked what would most likely motivate their decision to be more energy conscious.

Most people who are asked that question would say, if they knew if they could save money that would prompt their decision. However, that answer would be incorrect. What research shows is this; more people decided to conserve energy when they found out their neighbors were doing so. That’s the power of social proof.

It’s not uncommon to hear someone say certain influence approaches are just “common sense.” But the reality is, our common sense, our individual understanding of human behavior, is often not the right approach to bring about desired change.

One more example. If you observe how people advertise their services, quite often they talk about how much customers might gain. But research shows people are more motivated when they realize they’re losing.

How would this look?

If I were a financial advisor, I could tell a client based on their age, income, and how much longer they say they’re going to work, “If we can find a way for you to save just one percent more, you will have an extra $100,000 in your retirement account.”

But research shows that a more effective approach would be to point out how much of their retirement savings they will be giving up if they don’t find a way to save just one percent more.

It’s a simple shift, but it isn’t an obvious one. Without decades of behavioral research, most people wouldn’t naturally arrive at that conclusion.

That’s why the right answer is often different from the quick answer.

When we’re looking for better results—in business, leadership, sales, or life—we’re usually better served by understanding the problem before searching for the solution.

Quick fixes are appealing because they promise immediate results.

The right fix often takes more time, more thought, and a willingness to dig deeper.

But that’s almost always where lasting success is found.

What do you think? Have you ever chased a “quick fix” only to discover the real solution required a much deeper understanding? I’d enjoy hearing your experience in the comments.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling and Influenced from Above were Amazon new release bestsellers. His LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 850,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Growth is hard because it almost always involves pain.

Think about children. Sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night crying because of growing pains. They don’t understand that their bones are stretching, their bodies are changing, but they know they’re experiencing pain.

The same is true throughout life.

When I competed in powerlifting and bodybuilding, growth was far from comfortable! Some workouts pushed me to the point of nausea. Training for marathons wasn’t much different. Running farther and faster required thousands of miles, early mornings, sore muscles, occasional injuries, and many days when quitting seemed like the better option.

Physical growth demands discomfort. But I’ve come to believe the hardest growth isn’t physical. It’s personal.

Growing as a husband, father, leader, friend, or follower of God often hurts far more than another set in the gym or another mile on the road.

Take marriage. Few words are harder to say than, “I’m sorry.” Admitting you’ve hurt someone requires humility. It means laying down your pride and feeling the pain of remorse.

Sometimes it’s even harder to say, “I forgive you.” Forgiveness acknowledges that you’ve been wounded, and many people see admitting hurt as weakness. I see it as authenticity, something that takes courage.

The same principle shows up in our spiritual lives.

Read through Scripture and you’ll notice something interesting. The people who grew closest to God rarely traveled an easy road. The prophets, the apostles, and countless others experienced hardship, disappointment, rejection, and suffering. It’s easy to admire their faith while overlooking the cost that shaped it.

Growth has always carried a price. Whether you’re pursuing better health, stronger relationships, greater leadership, or deeper faith, there comes a moment when you have to decide whether today’s pain is worth tomorrow’s gain. Decisions like the following require faith:

• Faith that the hours in the gym will be worth it when competition arrives.
• Faith that difficult conversations can transform a relationship into something stronger and better than either person imagined.
• Faith that honesty with God—even when it’s uncomfortable—can lead to greater intimacy with Him.

Looking back over my career, my marriage, my years as a parent, and even my athletic pursuits, I can honestly say the answer has been yes. It has always been worth it.

The most influential people I’ve met aren’t the ones who avoided discomfort—they’re the ones who allowed difficult experiences to reshape their character.

A big lesson my work in influence has reinforced is this: people are drawn to those whose character has been forged through adversity. Competence may earn attention, but character earns trust. The combination of character and competence makes people credible authorities, something that remains with them 24×7, and that is the foundation of lasting influence.

That doesn’t mean the next season of growth becomes easy. Every bodybuilding contest required another season of painful training. Every marathon demanded another cycle of discipline. Every meaningful breakthrough in my marriage required another difficult conversation.

The pain never disappeared. What changed was my confidence. Experience taught me that growth was waiting on the other side.

That’s why I’ve always appreciated Theodore Roosevelt’s famous “Man in the Arena” speech. He reminds us that credit belongs to the person willing to step into the arena—to risk failure, endure hardship, and keep striving.

The real defeat isn’t stumbling. The real defeat is deciding the cost of growth is too high.

Growth is hard because it often entails pain. But the alternative is far more costly.

So here’s my question for you: When you look back on your own life, what season of painful growth are you most thankful you didn’t quit?

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling and Influenced from Above were Amazon new release bestsellers. His LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 850,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

 

Father’s Day was Sunday, a time when many families celebrated the men who helped raise them.

For some people, however, Father’s Day is complicated.

Over the years, I’ve learned that even referring to God as “Father” can be difficult for some people because their experience with their earthly father was painful. Some never knew their dad. Others experienced neglect, abandonment, abuse, or simply emotional distance.

That’s a sad reality. But it also highlights something important: fathers matter… and they matter far more than society tells us. 

Research consistently shows that children often struggle when fathers are absent. Boys are more likely to engage in antisocial behavior, while girls often face greater self-esteem and mental health challenges. 

Whether a father is present or absent, engaged or detached, encouraging or critical, he leaves an imprint. The influence may be positive or negative, but influence is unavoidable.

As someone who has spent decades teaching the science of influence, I find that reality fascinating. Most people think of influence in terms of sales, leadership, negotiations, or business. But influence begins long before we enter the workplace. It begins at home.

Parents are among the first influencers in a child’s life, and fathers play a unique role in shaping how children see themselves, others, and the world around them. That’s one reason Jane and I tried to be intentional as parents.

I’ve been writing this blog for more than 17 years. When I started, my daughter Abigail was just 13 years old. Many of those early articles focused on parenting because Jane and I were intentional about how we raised her. If you would like to see some of those articles, click here.

Like many parents, we looked at our own upbringing and asked ourselves two questions:

• What should we repeat?
• What should we improve?

We wanted to build on the good things we learned from our parents while minimizing some of the mistakes. I believe that’s one of the ways we make the world better—one child, one family, one generation at a time.

Today, Abigail is 30 years old. Looking back, I can honestly say she’s a better person at 30 than I was at 30. I suspect Jane would say the same about herself. That doesn’t happen by accident.

Children are constantly learning from what they see, hear, and experience. They watch how we handle adversity. They listen to how we speak to others. They observe whether our actions match our words.

In many ways, Robert Cialdini’s principle of consistency is at work in parenting every day. Children notice when parents live according to the values they teach. They also notice when words and actions don’t align. Long before children understand influence, they’re learning one of its most important lessons: credibility comes from consistency.

Now I have the privilege of experiencing parenting from a different perspective—as a grandfather. Our grandson Emmett is 15 months old. Because Abigail and Tyler live only about 10 minutes away, we get to spend several days a week with him, often for many hours at a time.

Watching him grow reminds me just how much influence adults have in the lives of children. Every smile, every word of encouragement, every moment of attention matters.

So does every missed opportunity. That’s why, if I could share one message with fathers, it would be this: Never underestimate your influence.

Your children are paying attention, even when it doesn’t seem like it. Your presence matters. Your words matter. Your example matters. And perhaps most importantly, your love matters.

You don’t have to be a perfect father. None of us are. But you can be intentional because whether you realize it or not, you’re shaping memories, beliefs, and habits that may last a lifetime.

The question isn’t whether you’ll influence your children. You already are. The question is: What kind of influence will you have?

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling and Influenced from Above were Amazon new release bestsellers. His LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 850,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Salespeople often ask me, “What’s the most powerful principle of influence when it comes to sales?”

While every sales situation is different, I believe the principle of consistency is often the most powerful influence principle in the sales process.

Why? Because the best salespeople talk less.

That may sound strange, especially if your experience with sales involves someone talking nonstop about features, benefits, and special offers. But after more than 20 years studying sales and reading countless books, articles, and research studies, one theme consistently emerges: top salespeople spend far more time asking questions and listening than talking.

Many sales experts suggest that effective salespeople talk only 25% to 30% of the time. The rest is spent uncovering what matters most to the customer.

That’s where consistency comes in. Dr. Robert Cialdini’s principle of consistency teaches that people feel both internal psychological pressure and external social pressure to act consistently with what they’ve previously said and done. We like to see ourselves as people who follow through on our commitments, and others tend to view us more favorably when we do.

In other words, people are naturally motivated to align their actions with their own words and that has enormous implications for sales.

Good salespeople don’t use questions merely to gather information. They use questions to help customers clarify what they truly want and need. Once those needs are clearly stated, the salesperson can demonstrate how their solution aligns with what the customer has already identified as important.

As I often tell participants in my workshops: “People don’t resist their own values.”

Let me illustrate with a simple example.

Imagine you work about 15 miles from home and drive the same route every day.

Now suppose someone at home calls and asks: “Would you stop at the store on your way home and pick up batteries and bug spray?”

If the items are available at Store X, which sits just a minute or two off your normal route, the answer is probably an easy yes.

Why? Because the store is already aligned with where you’re going.

But what if the items are only available at Store Y, several miles out of your way, possibly adding 20 minutes or more to your trip?

You might hesitate. Not because you don’t want to help, but because it’s inconvenient. It takes you off the easy, convenient path you take every day.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens in many sales conversations.

When salespeople ask thoughtful questions early in the process, customers articulate their goals, challenges, priorities, and desired outcomes. The salesperson then demonstrates how their offering fits those stated needs… creating a more “direct route” toward a solution.

The purchase becomes the equivalent of stopping at Store X—it’s already on the customer’s route.

However, when salespeople shortchange the discovery process, they often find themselves trying to persuade customers to take a completely different path. They spend their time explaining, convincing, defending, and overcoming objections because they never established where the customer wanted to go in the first place.

That’s Store Y. It’s harder. It takes longer. And it often feels like selling.

Jeffrey Gitomer famously said: “People don’t like to be sold, but they love to buy.”

The best sales conversations don’t push people toward a destination they never chose. They help people move toward outcomes they’ve already identified as important.

That’s why consistency is such a powerful principle. When customers tell you what matters most, and you can genuinely connect your solution to those priorities, saying “yes” feels natural because it’s consistent with what they’ve already said they want.

So here’s a question worth considering: Are your sales questions leading customers toward Store X or forcing them toward Store Y?

The answer may reveal why some sales conversations feel effortless while others feel like an uphill battle.

Know your product. Know your competition. But most importantly, know the right questions to ask because the shortest path to a sale is often helping customers follow the path they already chose.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling and Influenced from Above were Amazon new release bestsellers. His LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 850,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

AI is a great tool, but like any tool, we can get lazy using it. A calculator is helpful, but kids still need to learn basic math. If they don’t, when the calculator spits out a wrong answer, they may not recognize it.

AI is similar. If we don’t understand how to use it well, it can produce weak, misleading, or inauthentic results. As the old saying goes, “Garbage in, garbage out.”

I use AI extensively and I’m open about that. When I write articles, I draft them first, then use very specific prompts to help me edit and improve my writing. That’s not much different from how I worked with developmental and line editors on my books. Some suggestions I take, some I reject, and others we modify together. Whether the feedback comes from a human editor or AI, the finished product can be better. The key phrase is “can be.”

Recently, I accepted a LinkedIn request from someone. As I usually do, I asked how he found me. I think that’s a good practice. It keeps the “social” in social media and helps me understand why someone wants to connect.

His reply was, “I’ve been searching for coaches and consultants who are actively building their expertise, and your profile stood out.” Pretty generic but at least he answered the question.

About a month later, I received a much longer message. This time, he quickly moved into selling me on his services. What caught my attention was how oddly specific the message was. It referenced several pieces of my recent work, my themes around influence, and even particular ideas I’ve written about.

At first glance, that might sound flattering. After all, he had clearly “done his homework.” But it didn’t feel that way. It felt too polished, too detailed, and too strategic. In other words, I didn’t believe he actually wrote it.

Near the end of the message, he noted that he runs an AI automation agency. That was the red flag. My suspicion was that he used his own automated process to generate the message. So I asked ChatGPT to analyze it using this prompt:

“I received the following message on LinkedIn from a new connection. Very quickly he leaped into trying to sell me – a HUGE turnoff. As I read his message I thought, ‘Some form of AI wrote this because there are too many references to my work and the principles of influence.’ In other words, he was trying way too hard and did not come across as genuine. Please read it and share your thoughts on whether or not this was AI generated by scanning my recent work.”

I won’t bore you with the full LinkedIn message he sent, but I will share some of Chat’s analysis.

Yes, this was very likely AI-assisted, and almost certainly generated after scanning your content, LinkedIn posts, website, and/or blog archive. Not because it’s “too polished,” but because of several telltale markers:

1. Hyper-specific mirroring of your language ecosystem. That density feels assembled rather than naturally remembered. This reads like a synthesized “topic scrape” of your recent work and intellectual brand.
2. The structure feels AI-optimized for rapport. The sequence is textbook AI sales outreach.
3. The persuasion references are unnaturally concentrated. This line especially stood out: “You teach the principle of consistency that once people commit to a pattern, they keep running it even when it stops being optimal.” That’s not how someone naturally talks after absorbing your work.
4. It mistakes recognition for relationship. One hallmark of AI-generated outreach is excessive contextual recall without emotional specificity.
5. It tries too hard to sound insightful. This sentence is especially revealing: “The pattern is so established it’s become invisible.” That’s polished “consultant poetry.”

The biggest issue isn’t AI use itself. Plenty of professionals responsibly use AI to draft outreach. The issue is that the message creates the feeling: “I analyzed your content strategically” rather than “I genuinely know and value your work.” The result is highly tailored but emotionally hollow. It demonstrates research, but not connection.

That last line is the issue: research is not connection. From an influence standpoint, the message attempted to use liking, similarity, authority, and consistency. But it missed something essential: authenticity.

Ethical influence is not about getting someone to say yes at any cost. It’s about helping people make good decisions in a way that respects them.

AI can help us be clearer, sharper, and more efficient. But it cannot create genuine interest where none exists, and it cannot replace the human work of building trust.

So here are two things I hope you’ll consider:

First, if you use AI, don’t be lazy. Put in the work. Don’t simply give your AI tool a prompt and assume it will create something meaningful. Use it as an assistant, not a substitute for your thinking, voice, or judgment.

Second, be more discerning about what you read. Especially when a message is trying to influence your decision or action. If it feels inauthentic, pay attention to that feeling.

AI may help us communicate faster. But faster is not always better. Sometimes the most persuasive thing we can do is slow down, be real, and earn the relationship before asking for anything.

What do you think? Are AI-generated messages making communication better, or are they making it easier to fake connection?

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling and Influenced from Above were Amazon new release bestsellers. His LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 850,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!