Some Similarities Mean More When it Comes to Persuasion

Imagine this scene on a busy street in New York City. Two guys are walking toward each other, and the following ensues:

Guy 1: Hey man, I’m from New York! Are you? Guy 2: F%#@ you buddy. I’m from Brooklyn!

Trying to connect with someone based on what you have in common—similarities—is an effective way to engage the principle of liking … most of the time.

All kidding aside, trying to connect with a New Yorker in the city over the fact that you’re a New Yorker too has little meaning. That’s because virtually everyone else on the street could say the same thing. There’s nothing unique or different about that to bond over. However, connecting over the fact that you’re both from NYC if you were somewhere else—say, California—would mean something because it’s not likely too many others could say the same thing.

This came to mind recently when I thought back to a time when Jane and I were in Boston. The year was 2004, and I’d qualified to run the Boston Marathon. Never having been to Boston, we decided to fly in a few days early to enjoy the city and see the sights. One sight we wanted to see was the bar Cheers, the location of the famous sitcom by the same name.

As you might imagine, when we arrived, the bar was packed with other curious tourists. In fact, it was so crowded we couldn’t get a seat near the bar. After a short while, Jane said to me, “I think those people are from Southwest Pennsylvania.” She could hear a couple talking and recognized the accent because that’s where she’s from originally.

Shortly thereafter, Jane said, “Excuse me. I wasn’t eavesdropping, but are you from Southwest Pennsylvania?” They said they were, and Jane proceeded to tell them she recognized their accent because she was from Waynesburg, PA. A conversation ensued, and soon we were sitting with this couple. If you didn’t know any better, you’d have thought we knew each other and were good friends.

As I shared at the beginning, trying to connect on the Southwest Pennsylvania similarity would not have meant much if Jane had brought it up in Southwest Pennsylvania. However, doing so in an unfamiliar environment magnifies similarities. Strangers in a strange city feel a sense of comfort meeting people they see as similar to themselves.

What Does This Mean for You?

To build or strengthen relationships, you want to look for opportunities to connect using the principle of liking. Quite often, you’ll find yourself in new or unfamiliar situations, so connecting on similarities will be immensely helpful. Here are some tips:

• If you know some people who will be in attendance at an event you’re attending, Google them to learn about them in advance. Then, make it a point to connect on anything you have in common.

• If you don’t know who will be attending, ask good questions and demonstrate active listening skills. Here are seven non-threatening, ice-breaking inquiries you might use:What do you do for a living?Where are you from originally?Where did you go to school?Where do you live currently?Tell me about your family.What are some of your hobbies?What’s the most interesting place you’ve traveled to?

Two things will happen when you ask these questions and actively listen. First, people appreciate the sincere interest and the chance to talk about themselves. Second, you learn what you have in common and can then go deeper to form connections.

Sometimes, similarities mean more when it comes to persuasion. Recognizing this can help you magnify the principle of liking, which will help you build relationships and ultimately make it easier to hear “Yes” when you need someone to help you.