Supporting Each Other

In just over a month Jane and I will celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary. That seems like a long time but it’s less than half of the time her parents were married! Thinking we could do it all over again, and then some (her parents were married 72 years), means it’s always worth reflecting on why things are good and how they could be better. I want to share one bit of advice that’s certainly made a difference for us – supporting each other.

This is top of mind because last week we were in Phoenix to spend time with my sister and her family. Being the avid golfer that she is, Jane decided she wanted to play TPC Scottsdale, a well-known golf course where a PGA event, The Waste Management Open, is played every February. I didn’t play because I don’t enjoy golfing. I have too many other things I’d like to do with four hours of my time. 

Between playing a PGA course and being paired up with three strangers, she was nervous. I watched her tee off then went to the clubhouse to do some work for a few hours. I caught up with the foursome on the number 10 tee so I could watch them play the back nine. Sometimes I ride with Jane on nice courses because I can take pictures and videos which she appreciates. Although I don’t like playing, I do enjoy watching the game. 

Jane was playing great, beating the three guys she was with, and to say I was proud as I watched would be an understatement.

The par three 16th hole is one of the most famous holes in golf because, during the tournament 20,000 fans surround the hole. If you hit a good shot, they go crazy but if you hit a poor one, they’ll boo you as you walk to the green. That’s not normal golf etiquette but it’s all in fun and the pro golfers love it.

When we got to the 16th tee, I told Jane’s playing partners to really let her have it after she hit her tee shot. Click on the picture below to see the result.

She hit an unbelievable shot that landed about three feet from the pin! She proceeded to make the putt for a birdie on the iconic hole! Knowing how nervous she’d been at the start of the day; I was so proud of her and happy for her.

As you might imagine, reciprocity is at play when I support her in that way. She works so hard at her game, so she appreciates that I take time to watch her play, take pictures and videos, and that I’m genuinely happy for her. Those actions and attitude make it easy for her to support me in my passions. It’s what I like to call “a virtuous cycle.”

Here’s some simple relationship advice; if you want to improve your marriage, or just about any other relationship, do what you can to genuinely support the other person. They will appreciate it and very likely will support you in return. 

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His new business parable, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

4 replies
  1. Scott Boslr
    Scott Boslr says:

    Great golf shot!!! I had a friend recently retire from an international corporation where he was the CEO. His mantra from day one was, “Take care of the client, take care of each other, stay focused.” It really served the organization well for the 35 years he was at the helm and they experienced exponential growth over the decades.


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