Tag Archive for: Franzese

Give Honest, Sincere Appreciation

Last week we looked at some simple advice from Dale Carnegie; avoid criticism, condemnation and complaining. That could be shortened to “Bite your lip” or “Shut your mouth.” This week we move on to Carnegie’s next fundamental technique for handling people — give honest, sincere appreciation. This is one simple way to tap into the principle of influence known as liking.

So the call is to express appreciation, a grateful recognition for something, with two caveats – the expression needs to be true and it should be genuine. While flattery does endear people to the flatterer…even when they know it is flattery…because this blog is about ethical influence being honest and sincere in your praise is a must. Flattery is disingenuous, whereas appreciation is real.

Who doesn’t like to be recognized in a positive way? I know I like to hear, “Well done,” and I bet you do too. I think we all want that. I’m of the opinion that the person who gruffly says, “I don’t need a pat on the back to know I’m doing a good job,” needs it more than anyone! I make that assertion because they probably never get praise and their reaction is a self-defense mechanism. It would stink to acknowledge you want praise but never get it.

So remember to give honest, sincere appreciation when appropriate. This benefits you too, because if you look for something genuine to compliment someone about, you tend to change your own thinking about that person. If you don’t particularly like someone but consistently make the effort to look for, and point out, good qualities they have, eventually you’ll find yourself thinking, “They’re not so bad after all.”

Here’s the really cool thing — if you keep it up long enough you might actually start to like them! That’s right; you will actually come to like them. After all, how can you not like someone you consistently find praiseworthy?

What naturally follows is they start to like you in return because they can tell you genuinely like them. Believe me, it’s much easier to persuade people to your way of thinking when you like them and they like you.

Wouldn’t it be great if every person you interact with tomorrow you actually like? Sure it would. While that might not happen 100% of the time it can occur a lot more than it’s happening right now but it’s up to you. If you take this advice and nothing else happens other than you come to like people more, even those who seem unlikable, then you’ll have better days.

Since this post is about honest, sincere appreciation I’ll put that advice into practice by taking time to express gratitude to people who’ve influenced me when it comes to this blog.

First let me start with those of you who read this each week. It amazes me that people in nearly 50 countries have taken time to read what I write each week. That excites me!If it were not for a coworker, James Seay, I never would have ventured into the online world. I took a personal branding class from James and he talked about the need for an online presence. He got me going on Facebook and LinkedIn. He’s also given me really good blogging advice. Click here to learn more about James.

Next is a man named George Black. I probably never would have started this blog had it not been for a conversation I was having with George about social media. Give him a follow on Twitter @GeorgeBlack because he’s a good man.

Mike Figliuolo, founder of thoughtLEADERS, gives me great ideas every time we have lunch together. Mike’s a smart, funny, insightful guy. We’ll be swapping blog posts so you’ll see more of him in the months to come. In fact, he will be the feature article next week. You can also follow him on Twitter @Figliuolo.

Thanks to my high school buddy Michael Franzese who’s given me some very cool drawings for this blog, like the one above. Take a look at his blog, Franzeseinklings, to see more cool pictures as well as his funny, interesting insights on life.

Debbie Conkel is a lady I’ve worked work with for many years. Debbie has proofread my work for more than 15 years and graciously proofreads every one of these posts on her own time. If you like my writing style Debbie has a lot to do with it. If you don’t like my style then it’s probably the parts where I didn’t take her advice.

Last but not least, I have to thank my wife, Jane, and daughter, Abigail, because they give me so much great content to write about and just roll with it. When I published the article on Reverse Psychology and the Vacation Bathing Suit Jane wasn’t thrilled. In fact, she emailed me to say, “You MIGHT want to ask my permission before writing a story about me. No girl wants her picture in a bathing suit on the Internet.” My response, “I’m just glad you’re a reader!” Really, I was just happy she was reading. Now she reads my posts every week…just in case.

As for Abigail, she hasn’t read many yet, too boring for a 13 year-old, so I can pretty much write what I want about her. You’ll learn all about raising a teenager in the years to come as I test all these psychological principles in the real world!

With all sincerity to any and all reading this week, thank you! I would only ask one thing before I leave you – would share this blog with a few other people? I’d love to write an article someday telling you people in 100 countries are readers.

Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Franzese or Frazetta: Do Names Really Matter?

I had a post all ready to go for this week but then I got really inspired by a friend, Michael Franzese. If that name sounds familiar it’s because you might have seen his drawing and recall that I mentioned him in my post three weeks ago titled, “Is Persuasion Manipulation?” He drew the picture of one man manipulating, wrestling the other to the ground.

Michael and I went to high school together but I feel like I know him much better now because of Facebook and his blog. He starting writing a blog called Franzeseinklings with the goal of 100 barbarian drawings and posts in 100 days. During my bodybuilding days in the ‘80s I was into Conan the Barbarian because of Arnold Schwarzenegger but other than that didn’t have much interest in those guys. But, after seeing Michael’s work and reading his posts I became a fan. You have to check him out because the artwork is very cool and I get a kick out of reading his posts each day. As you might guess, all of this week’s artwork is Michael’s doing.

So what’s Franzeseinklings have to do with influence? In his September 8 post, Michael mentioned his favorite illustrator, “the great Frank Frazetta.” He wrote about getting to meet the man he considered a hero. Take another look at that name — Frazetta. Looks a lot like Franzese doesn’t it? Could that be some of the attraction for Franzese to Frazetta’s artwork?

I shot an email over to Michael with an article from the Inside Influence Report that detailed the phenomenon of names then called him to talk about this post. He said the more he thought about it and how his mind worked the more he thought it was probably true. He said another of his favorite artists is Michelangelo. Michael likes Michelangelo…hmm, see a trend here?

I can’t take credit for anything other than being alert when it comes to this name thing. If you pick up a copy of Yes! 50 Scientifically Prove Ways to Be Persuasive, you can read about all this name stuff in chapters 29 and 30. Here’s the basic gist — we tend to like people with names that look or sound similar to our own. The psychological term for that is “implicit egotism.” After all, how could someone with your name be some kind of jerk?
Can you think of a time when you met someone with your same name where you instantly liked them? I sure can! We might joke about it being due to the name but it’s no joke because there are statistics to back up that claim.
Here’s another thing worth mentioning, not only do we like them; it makes us more compliant when they ask us to do things. So your name is Carlos and the salesman is Karl, what difference does that really make? Statistically Carlos will probably buy more from Karl than he would from Pete or Bill or someone else with a name that’s not similar because he feels a connection when implicit egotism is at work.
This is more than just names and people; it extends to things like where you live, the company you work for and the career you choose. Statistically Dennis is more likely to become a dentist than Jerry or Walter. If you doubt that pick up Yes! 50 Scientifically Prove Ways to Be Persuasive, turn to page 128 and read about the study for yourself. I’m not saying everyone named Dennis is destined to be a dentist anymore than Lawrence will become a lawyer or Mary will live in Marysville but they have a higher likelihood of that happening than people with names wholly unrelated to those professions or places.
Believe me, when Jane and I were looking for new countertops, it didn’t escape my notice that the salesman’s name was Dan Mason. I kid you not; Dan Mason worked as a salesman for a company that sold marble countertops. Oh gee, what a coincidence!
One more story to illustrate the point; Scott, the guy who gives my wife golf lessons (great instructor, you should see her game!) worked at a driving range alongside his ex-wife Pia. Not many people could work with their former spouse but Scott and Pia got along great. In fact, they’d both tell you they get along better as friends than they did as spouses. As I got to know Scott I noticed he drove a Kia. Do you see where I’m going with this? I told him about the name study and said, “I see you drive a Kia and your ex-wife’s name is Pia. I think there’s still something there.” He insisted there wasn’t and a week later the Kia was gone and Scott was driving a Hyundai. Point made!
Most people will insist there’s nothing to this but that’s because this is all going on in the subconscious. The statistics don’t lie and neither did your grade school teacher so I’ll end with a song many of you probably sang as youngsters. It’s about two friends with the same name.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,

His name is my name too.
Whenever we go out,

The people always shout,
There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah
One last thing, give Franzeseinklings a look and follow.
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”