Tag Archive for: The Bible

5 Books that Radically Influenced My Life

I’m a reader. I love to read. Funny thing is, when I was young I hated reading. That was probably a function of having to read certain books versus getting to read what I wanted to. Once my love of reading took over it was pretty much the case that I’d read a book a week. That pace has slowed down in recent years with the explosion of Ted Talks, podcasts and other media for getting good messages but I still read several books a month.

Because I read so much people often ask me my favorite books. What I’ll share with you are the five books that have radically influenced my life.

The Bible When I really began to take my Christian faith seriously I read through the entire Bible many times. In fact, I ended up writing my own commentary, a thousand-page Word document, where I put down thoughts about what I was reading and learning. My inspiration was to give the document to my daughter Abigail so she would know what dad thought about God.

I equate all the years of reading to eating and living healthy. What I learned day-to-day became the foundation of my thinking, actions, and shaped my worldview. I believe any good thing within me is a result of my relationship with God.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People I read Steven Covey’s best selling book in the early 1990s. The habit that struck me most was his admonition to “Begin with the End in Mind.” I took Covey’s advice and wrote a personal mission statement. In that document, I put down thoughts about how I wanted to be remembered when it came to my faith, family, personal well-being, and career.

The reason The Seven Habits was so influential was because I posted my mission statement and have read it, or parts of it, for more than 25 years. It’s been a guiding force in who I’ve become and who I’m still striving to become.

Influence Science and Practice I was introduced to Robert Cialdini’s work in 2002. His emphasis on how to ethically persuade people appealed to my moral side. The research based approach appealed to my analytical side. It was a match made in heaven!

It’s not uncommon for many people spend nearly half of their waking hours trying to persuade others. My goal with Influence PEOPLE is to help you enjoy more professional success and personal happiness. If you read Influence Science and Practice and apply what you learn you’re guaranteed to have more success and happiness. I confidently write that because the science proves you’ll be able to move more people (your boss, coworkers, direct reports, loved ones) to action.

Man’s Search for Meaning I’ve written about Viktor Frankl’s book on a number of occasions. The following quote stands out above all else in this great work, “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

It sounds trite to say, “It’s not about what happens to us, it’s about how we respond.” However, when you read about Frankl’s account of the horrors he and others experienced but how so many found meaning in their suffering – some in death – you begin to realize life is about how we choose to respond.

The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs was written by Carmine Gallo. I took seven typed pages of notes on this book! As I read I would flip over to YouTube to watch Jobs present to solidify my learning.

The reason I add this book to my top five is because it had a tremendous impact on how I present. Presentation, be it in a workshop, keynote or when consulting, is primarily what I do with influence. Arguably, nobody did better than Steve Jobs so why not learn from the best?

To Do This Week: I highly encourage you to look into one of these five books. It’s my sincere hope that they have as much positive impact on your life as they’ve had on mine. If you can’t do that, how about sharing some of your book recommendations in the comments section. Thanks!

Dale Carnegie and Sun Tzu on Avoiding Arguments

We’ve made some really good headway looking at tips from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. In case you’re a newer reader, below you’ll see what we’ve covered so far. Click on any tip and you’ll be taken to the Influence PEOPLE article for that piece of timeless advice from Dale Carnegie.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Give honest, sincere appreciation.
Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Smile.
Remember their name.
Be a good listener & encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
Make the other person feel important.

Now we move into the section of the book that teaches “How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking” and the advice we start with is probably Carnegie’s best advice – avoid arguments. Sounds easy enough but sometimes it seems unavoidable.
Sun Tzu wrote The Art of War, a book about conflict, sometime around 500 BC. He had this to say about fighting, “It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.” In a nutshell Sun Tzu is saying only pick the conflicts you know you can win or else avoid the conflict altogether. Arguing is a type of conflict and quite often it can be avoided IF you’re honest with yourself and your assessment of another. This is similar to the general knowing his army as well as the enemy’s. For us this simply means, if you know what sets you off you can avoid people or situations that are likely to make that happen. Let’s start with ourselves. Unfortunately, knowing yourself isn’t so easy. That’s why Ben Franklin said, “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” We have blind spots and sometimes we don’t want to face the truth. But, if we’re willing to make the hard self-assessment we’ll come to learn our strengths and weaknesses.By the same token, when you know another person you can seek to avoid their triggers. Let’s consider the other person for a moment. It could be your spouse, boss or a friend but usually we have conflict with those who are closest to us. That’s just a sad fact of life. The good news is this; you probably know them well enough to know how to avoid the triggers that usually lead to conflict. For example, here’s one for the guys to avoid: You ask your wife to buy a case of Miller Light for$14.95, but instead she buys a jar of cold cream for $7.95. DON’T tell her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream! Ladies, you want to avoid telling Mr. Right he’s like a bank account – without money he doesn’t generate much interest.Both of those funny little jokes are sure to start an argument. Will you always avoid arguments? No. But, taking account of yourself and another can go a very long way to make the avoidance a reality. You could take the really high road and follow the advice Jesus gave his disciples, “Love your enemies.” Ouch, now that’s hard! Loving your enemies doesn’t mean feeling towards them the way you might with your parents, spouse or kids. No, love is a verb, a “doing” word. It’s placing the welfare of the other person above your own no matter the cost because it’s the right thing to do. Love your enemies and you won’t have enemies for long and you’ll have very few arguments.And think about this; who wins an argument? There’s always a jokester who says, “Me!” but in reality nobody wins. Oh sure, you may be “right” but is it worth it when being “right” damages or kills the relationship? Far too many people never speak to loved ones or friends because of arguments over things that seemed important but really weren’t. So resolve to yourself to do whatever is in your power to avoid arguing. That may mean having to let someone feel like they’re right. Big deal, especially if you know in your heart that you are right. Never lose sight of the goal, to win a friend or influence someone. ** FREE GIVE AWAY ** It would mean a lot to me if you’d help increase Influence PEOPLE readership by forwarding this blog to some friends or co-workers. Do so and you could win a copy of Dr. Cialdini’s book Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Persuasive. If you’re currently receiving email notification then you’re already registered to win! If you’ve not signed up for automatic notification then send me an email (BFA654@gmail.com) after you’ve shared the blog with someone and I’ll register you for the drawing. The lucky winner will be announced on next week’s posting. Thanks in advance, I appreciate your help! Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”