Want to Remove All Questions about Manipulation? Here’s the Key…

As I scan social media, I’ve noticed an increase in discussions about the fine line separating influence and persuasion from manipulation. This is an important topic, especially considering the intent and ethics in our communications. As one of the few Cialdini Certified trainers globally, and an advocate for ethical influence, I’ve always emphasized creating mutually beneficial outcomes. Stephen Covey hit the nail on the head with his win-win philosophy.

Manipulation

Now, let’s talk about manipulators. Their primary goal? Themselves. Your “win” in any transaction is of no concern to them. But ethical influencers? We aim for mutual benefit. Aristotle wisely stated, “Character may almost be called the effective means of persuasion.”

So, what’s the key to keeping manipulation at bay? It’s simpler than you might think: genuinely like the person you’re trying to influence.

The Principle of Liking

Robert Cialdini shed light on this when he popularized the principle of liking. It’s intuitive: we’re more inclined to say yes to those we like. But here’s the catch – it’s not just about getting others to like you. It’s about you genuinely liking them.

Would you manipulate a friend? I wouldn’t, and I believe you wouldn’t either. So, our task is to build friendships with those we seek to influence.

Getting someone to like you isn’t rocket science. Offer authentic compliments, find common ground, and it’s natural for them to start liking you. Think about it: when someone compliments you genuinely, it feels good, right? That positive feeling gets associated with the person giving the compliment and you naturally begin to like them.

The Key…

But here’s the enlightening twist, the key: the actions that make others like you will also lead you to like them! Complimenting someone means you’re focusing on their best traits, naturally elevating your view of them. Discover shared interests, like supporting the same sports team or having common backgrounds, and you’ll find it easier to like them too.

When people sense your genuine liking, they open up. It’s a basic human belief that friends look out for each other. And here’s where the magic happens: as you grow to genuinely like someone, you instinctively start wanting the best for them. This is the cornerstone of ethical influence – it removes manipulation from the persuasion equation.

It’s Available for You

This is behavioral science, not rocket science. Anyone can implement this approach, provided their motives are right. Even those who start from a place of self-interest will find this method beneficial. Why? Because people are more likely to agree to requests from someone they believe genuinely likes and cares for them. Over time, I hope such individuals will discover the deeper joy of knowing, liking, and caring for the people they interact with.

Conclusion

In summary, the essence of ethical influence lies in transforming our approach to communication. By genuinely liking the people we interact with, we not only foster positive connections but also ensure our influence is rooted in mutual respect and benefit. This is the ethos I’ve explored in my books Influence PEOPLE, Persuasive Selling, and The Influencer.

Adopting the approach I’ve outlined can revolutionize not just how we communicate, but also how we build relationships in both our professional and personal lives. I encourage you to share your thoughts, experiences, and perhaps even a story of how genuine liking transformed an interaction for you.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!