What’s Your Goal?

I work with lots of people in different roles when it comes to teaching ethical influence. Over the years, I’ve worked with senior leaders, middle managers, supervisors, claim reps, underwriters, field sales reps, insurance agents, business owners, financial reps, and many others. I’m always amazed at how often people try to persuade without a clear goal in mind.

You may think a salesperson always has a clear goal—i.e., to make the sale. True enough, but that’s still a little vague in my book. Let me share an example to help you see what I mean.

During the Principles of Persuasion Workshop©, we have an activity where participants work in teams to come up with a persuasive argument to get a high school student, Jimmy, back in school after he’s been expelled for foul language and insubordination. Participants generally do a good job applying the principles of influence to persuade the school board to let Jimmy back in—but very few clearly state when they want Jimmy back in school. That leaves the final decision up to the school board, which could opt for another week or two out of school.

Participants would do much better to conclude with something like,
“It’s our sincere hope that you’ll let Jimmy back in school tomorrow.”

Why is this so important? Because if the board says “no,” there is a moment of power the teams can leverage.

Studies show that when someone says “no” to you, if you make a concession and ask for a smaller request immediately, your odds of hearing “yes” increase significantly. This is an application of the principle of reciprocity—when we give a little, people often feel compelled to give a little in return.

Robert Cialdini had his research assistants run an experiment that shows how powerful this concept can be in real life. These students randomly asked people around the Arizona State University campus if they’d be willing to be a chaperone on a day trip to the zoo for a group of juvenile delinquents. As you might expect, very few people wanted to spend a day at the zoo with those kids, so only 17% said yes.

Later, the research assistants returned to campus and started with a much bigger initial request. They asked people if they’d be willing to be a big brother or sister to some juvenile delinquents—a weekly two-hour commitment for two years. No one was willing to give up that much time. But as soon as people said no, the assistants followed up with:
“If you can’t do that, would you be willing to chaperone a day trip to the zoo?”
It was the same request as before—but this time, 50% said yes. That’s triple the original response rate!

Two things were at play in this second scenario:

1. The contrast phenomenon: Compared to a two-year commitment, a single day at the zoo seemed much more reasonable.

2. The principle of reciprocity: When the assistants made a concession, many people felt inclined to respond in kind.

Let’s go back to Jimmy. By clearly stating what the team wants—to have Jimmy back in school tomorrow—they become more effective persuaders. They might hear a “yes” to that initial request, but if not, they can make a counteroffer that’s more likely to be accepted. That’s a far better approach than leaving the decision entirely up to the board.

How does this apply to you? Two ways:

1. Clearly state what you want.
   Think about times when you left the outcome up to someone else. Maybe you interviewed for a job but didn’t clearly state the salary or benefits you wanted. Or perhaps you were trying to make a sale but didn’t make the first offer.

2. Don’t censure yourself.
   For example, let’s say you want a job and hope to earn $95,000. But thinking they might say no, you ask for $85,000. If they say no, you may end up settling for $80,000—or less. Instead, ask for $95,000. You might just get it. If not, you can retreat to $90,000, which is more likely to be accepted than if you’d started there.

Next time you enter a situation where you’re trying to persuade someone, don’t just focus on building your persuasive communication. Give serious thought to your ultimate goal. What outcome would you want if everything worked out exactly as you hoped?

But don’t stop there—clearly communicate that desired outcome. And be ready in case you hear “no.” That means having multiple fallback positions prepared. This allows you to leverage the moment of power that follows a “no.”

Do these few things, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a much more effective persuader.