Growth Is Hard But Remaining The Same Can Be More Painful

Growth is hard because it almost always involves pain.

Think about children. Sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night crying because of growing pains. They don’t understand that their bones are stretching, their bodies are changing, but they know they’re experiencing pain.

The same is true throughout life.

When I competed in powerlifting and bodybuilding, growth was far from comfortable! Some workouts pushed me to the point of nausea. Training for marathons wasn’t much different. Running farther and faster required thousands of miles, early mornings, sore muscles, occasional injuries, and many days when quitting seemed like the better option.

Physical growth demands discomfort. But I’ve come to believe the hardest growth isn’t physical. It’s personal.

Growing as a husband, father, leader, friend, or follower of God often hurts far more than another set in the gym or another mile on the road.

Take marriage. Few words are harder to say than, “I’m sorry.” Admitting you’ve hurt someone requires humility. It means laying down your pride and feeling the pain of remorse.

Sometimes it’s even harder to say, “I forgive you.” Forgiveness acknowledges that you’ve been wounded, and many people see admitting hurt as weakness. I see it as authenticity, something that takes courage.

The same principle shows up in our spiritual lives.

Read through Scripture and you’ll notice something interesting. The people who grew closest to God rarely traveled an easy road. The prophets, the apostles, and countless others experienced hardship, disappointment, rejection, and suffering. It’s easy to admire their faith while overlooking the cost that shaped it.

Growth has always carried a price. Whether you’re pursuing better health, stronger relationships, greater leadership, or deeper faith, there comes a moment when you have to decide whether today’s pain is worth tomorrow’s gain. Decisions like the following require faith:

• Faith that the hours in the gym will be worth it when competition arrives.
• Faith that difficult conversations can transform a relationship into something stronger and better than either person imagined.
• Faith that honesty with God—even when it’s uncomfortable—can lead to greater intimacy with Him.

Looking back over my career, my marriage, my years as a parent, and even my athletic pursuits, I can honestly say the answer has been yes. It has always been worth it.

The most influential people I’ve met aren’t the ones who avoided discomfort—they’re the ones who allowed difficult experiences to reshape their character.

A big lesson my work in influence has reinforced is this: people are drawn to those whose character has been forged through adversity. Competence may earn attention, but character earns trust. The combination of character and competence makes people credible authorities, something that remains with them 24×7, and that is the foundation of lasting influence.

That doesn’t mean the next season of growth becomes easy. Every bodybuilding contest required another season of painful training. Every marathon demanded another cycle of discipline. Every meaningful breakthrough in my marriage required another difficult conversation.

The pain never disappeared. What changed was my confidence. Experience taught me that growth was waiting on the other side.

That’s why I’ve always appreciated Theodore Roosevelt’s famous “Man in the Arena” speech. He reminds us that credit belongs to the person willing to step into the arena—to risk failure, endure hardship, and keep striving.

The real defeat isn’t stumbling. The real defeat is deciding the cost of growth is too high.

Growth is hard because it often entails pain. But the alternative is far more costly.

So here’s my question for you: When you look back on your own life, what season of painful growth are you most thankful you didn’t quit?

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling and Influenced from Above were Amazon new release bestsellers. His LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 850,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!