Womb to Tomb… You Influence People Your Entire Life

When I teach the science of ethical influence, I often tell audiences that influence is a skill we use from womb to tomb.

Most people nod in affirmation when they hear that. Then I share research cited by Dan Pink in To Sell Is Human. He found that the average American worker spends about 40% of their workday trying to persuade, convince, or influence others in ways that have nothing to do with making a sale. For sales professionals, that percentage is even higher.

In other words, influence isn’t something a few people do. It’s something all of us do—far more often than we realize.

My grandson Emmett has reminded me of that for the last 17 months. When Emmett was born on March 14, 2025, he had no words. Yet he still knew how to influence the people around him in order to get his needs met.

When he was hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or wanted to be held, he cried. Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa had to figure out what he needed. Once we did, the crying stopped.

Without vocabulary or negotiation skills, he influenced us. He was changing how those around him thought, felt, and most importantly, behaved.

As he’s grown, so has his ability to communicate but before he could utter a word, our daughter Abigail, an American Sign Language major in college, began teaching Emmett simple signs.

Today, if he’s frustrated, she can ask, “Do you want more?” If that’s what he needs, he signs “more.” If he’s struggling with something, she asks, “Do you need help?” He signs “help.”

He still doesn’t have all the words he needs, but he has learned new ways to influence the people around him so his needs can be met. If you’ve raised children, you know how much easier it is to deal with a child who understands and communicates his or her needs.

Watching that unfold reminded me that influence isn’t manipulation. It’s communication with purpose. It’s helping other people understand what we need, what we value, or what we believe so they can make informed decisions. And it doesn’t stop in childhood.

Just a few months ago, Jane’s father passed away, only months before his 99th birthday. His body had grown weak, and speaking became difficult. Yet even then, he continued to influence those around him—with his expressions, his gestures, his presence, and the love he showed his family.

From the first cries of a newborn to the final days of life, influence is part of being human. That’s why I often ask audiences a simple question: Wouldn’t you agree; much of your professional success and personal happiness depends on hearing “yes”?

Whether you’re leading a team, serving customers, raising children, negotiating with a client, or simply trying to strengthen a relationship, influence is at work.

The good news is that ethical influence isn’t about getting your way. It’s about understanding people well enough to communicate in ways that benefit everyone involved.

That’s been the mission of Influence PEOPLE from the very beginning—through my books, LinkedIn Learning courses, articles, keynote presentations, and workshops.

If you and your organization could benefit from hearing “yes” more often, let’s start a conversation to see how I can help.

And I’d love to hear from you. When did you first realize that influence wasn’t just something salespeople do, but something we all use every day?

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling and Influenced from Above were Amazon new release bestsellers. His LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 850,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!