We’re in a Sick Cycle but We Can End It!

One of my favorite bands is Lifehouse. Recently, I’ve been listening to one of their earlier releases, Sick Cycle Carousel. The song is about a person struggling with the cycle of addiction. Their addiction is compared to a carousel, and the person realizes they need to make the choice to get off—and not get back on.

As a nation, we’re at that point once again. We thought the 2016 presidential election was bad, but somehow, we’ve managed to outdo ourselves. Now that four years have gone by and the carousel has come back around, we’re faced with another choice.

I was discouraged to read an article shared on Facebook the other day in which the author essentially refused to extend civility to Trump supporters. Chants of “Lock her up,” “You lost, get over it,” “Elections have consequences,” and others still ring fresh in our ears. I get it—and now the tables are turned.

The poet W.H. Auden wrote, “I and the world know what every schoolboy learns: Those to whom evil is done do evil in return.” That’s reciprocity in action. People naturally—almost reflexively—mirror the behavior they first receive.

Where Will It End?

But where will it end? Consider these lyrics from Sick Cycle Carousel in light of where we are as a country:

So when will this end
It goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this for good

Each of us has the power to make the choice to step down. What if, instead of animosity, anger, and gloating, Biden supporters chose to extend grace? What if Trump supporters graciously accepted defeat? What if both sides embraced humility and a willingness to work together?

This matters because no party stays in power for long. In two years, the Senate and House could flip. Four years from now, a Republican might once again sit in the White House. Or, all branches of government might end up controlled by one side of the aisle.

Reciprocity Works Both Ways

Hatred is usually met with hatred—but kindness is often met with kindness. If you need an example, look no further than Nelson Mandela. Regardless of your party affiliation or views on race, America is nowhere near what South Africa was under apartheid.

Mandela spent 27 years in prison for his political beliefs—some of that time in an 8-by-7-foot cell, sleeping on a straw mat on the floor. If anyone had reason to harbor the thought, “Paybacks are a bitch!”—it was Mandela. Yet he chose to emphasize forgiveness and reconciliation for the good of his country. He once said, “Courageous people do not fear forgiving, for the sake of peace.”

It’s Time for a Choice

Could this be the moment when civility is restored? If not now, then when? And if civility isn’t restored, then hasn’t the winning side become what they claimed to despise in their opponents?

While feelings of animosity may be understandable, if they lead to actions that mirror those you once condemned, then you’ve already lost—because you’ve become the very thing you hated.

Viktor Frankl understood this. Despite the horrors he endured at the hands of the Nazis—spending three years in concentration camps—he chose not to let hatred consume him after he was freed.

We are not Nazi Germany. We are not apartheid South Africa. But if we continue down the path we’re on, we edge closer to those hateful extremes with each passing day.

Is it worth it? I don’t think so.

It comes down to each of us making the personal choice to get off the carousel.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 100,000 people around the world.