Love, Unity, and Life-Changing Moments

“When the most important things in our life happen, we quite often don’t know what’s going on.”—C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

That quote hit me over the weekend. It’s amazing how a decision that feels ordinary in the moment can turn out to be extraordinary in hindsight.

Looking back, there are three moments that changed the course of my life—moments where Cialdini’s principle of Unityand the experience of love came together in ways I couldn’t have predicted.

A Career Decision That Changed Everything

In the spring of 1986, I was wrapping up college and preparing to move to Akron, Ohio, to start a job in the retail industry. Then I got a letter from Travelers Insurance.

To be honest, I didn’t have a great impression of the insurance industry. But the position was based in Columbus—my hometown—and I’d been dating a girl from there since high school. Out of respect for her and curiosity about the opportunity, I went to the interview.

I liked what I heard. I accepted the offer. That decision sparked a decades-long career in insurance… but the bigger impact came on day one. That’s when I met Jane, the woman who would become my wife. We celebrated our 37^thwedding anniversary this past March.

One decision. A whole new life direction.

The Email That Changed My Career

Fast forward to 2003. A coworker handed a videotape to my boss and me—yes, a literal VHS tape. It was Dr. Robert Cialdini giving a talk at Stanford on the Power of Persuasion.

As I watched, something clicked. This was the why behind so many sales strategies I’d seen succeed… or fail. Cialdini’s insights were grounded in research, not gut instinct or personal experience—and that mattered to me as someone who likes to understand what makes things work.

Even better, he made it clear: influence can be ethical. You can move people to action without manipulating them.

Sometime later, I received a marketing flyer from Stanford promoting Cialdini’s materials along with many other experts. But one word jumped off the page describing Cialdini’s talk: manipulation. That didn’t sit right because he was so clear about non-manipulative approaches to influence. I decided to email Stanford.

I wrote something along these lines:

“I don’t know anyone who wants to be manipulated—or is looking to become a good manipulator. That word’s not helping your sales. It’s probably hurting them.”

Shortly after, a representative from Dr. Cialdini’s office called to thank me. My note had led Stanford to change their marketing of his materials. Then she mentioned that Dr. Cialdini traveled the world speaking about influence.

I just happened to sit next to the woman in charge of planning our events and booking our speakers. I transferred the call. The following year, Dr. Cialdini was in Columbus speaking to our insurance agents!

That one moment led to a passion that redirected my career. Today, I teach people around the world how to ethically influence others through my company, Influence PEOPLE.

When Pain Leads To Change

The third moment came not from career success, but from personal pain.

Jane and I were in a difficult season in our marriage. I’d tried everything I knew to fix our the relationship, but nothing seemed to work. I finally hit a wall.

I prayed, “God, I don’t care what you do with Jane. Things have to be right between you and me.”

In that moment, I felt like God whispered, “Now I can start working with you.”

From there, things began to change—first in me, then in our marriage, and eventually all of my relationships. My relationship with God grew deeper, and the Bible stopped being just an interesting book. It became alive. The stories I’d read started to mirror the experiences I was living.

It’s now my personal belief that nothing matters more than our relationship with our Creator. That kind of love—the unconditional kind—transforms everything.

Love, Unity, and Unexpected Paths

Each of these moments—meeting Jane, discovering ethical influence, surrendering in faith—was rooted in connection. In unity. In love.

Not one of them seemed life-changing in the moment. But each reshaped my future in powerful ways.

Dr. Cialdini teaches that Unity—the shared identity we feel with others—is one of the most powerful principles of human behavior. And love, whether romantic, relational, or divine, is at the heart of unity. We act differently when we see others as part of us.

Your Turn

Think back over your life.

What’s a decision you made that didn’t feel big at the time—but time has helped you recognize, changed everything?

Where has love, unity, or even pain led to growth you never expected?

I’d love to hear your story. Drop a comment and let’s start a conversation.

P.S. Want to find out more about the influence faith connection? Keep an eye out for my next book, Influenced from Above: Where Faith and Influence Meet, coming in October.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!