Tag Archive for: Cialdini

Sometimes It’s All about What You SAID

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I grew up playing football. From the time I was eight years old until I was 18, every year was all about football. Unfortunately, I wasn’t naturally big, strong, or fast. As a junior in high school, I played outside linebacker at a strapping five foot nine inches tall and a weight of 155 lbs.—soaking wet.

Then something happened between my junior and senior year. I was taught how to lift weights the right way by some powerlifters, and the difference was amazing! I put on 20 lbs. in just three months, and by the time the next season rolled around, I was 30 lbs. heavier than the year before. It made a HUGE difference on the field.

Something my teammates and I were taught during those lifting sessions was the SAID principle. SAID stands for Specific Adaptation to Imposed Demands. In layman’s terms, it simply means this: you get what you train for. Here are some examples:

  • If you lift heavy weights for low reps, you get bigger and much stronger.

  • If you lift lighter weights for higher reps, you get a little stronger and more defined (cut).

  • If you practice running in short, hard bursts, your ability to sprint will get better.

  • If you run at an easy pace for a long time, you tend to become a better distance runner.

It’s obvious that running long, slow distances won’t help you get really fast in the 40-yard dash. And lifting lighter weights will never make you as big and strong as someone who lifts massive amounts of weight. You get what you train for.

This philosophy applies to business skills as well. When you work on a particular skill, you tend to improve that skill. However, if you don’t work on the skills required in your business, you’ll only improve marginally.

For example, walking gives some physical benefit—but nothing like running distance or sprinting. So why do we think that just because we use our ears every day, we’re getting better at listening? Just because we ask people questions on a daily basis, does that necessarily make us good at questioning?

Persuasion is an everyday skill. According to Aristotle, persuasion is the art of getting someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask. Each of us asks others to do things every day—but does that make us good at the skill of persuasion?

Having studied the topic for more than a dozen years and worked with countless people over that time, I can tell you with certainty: it doesn’t make you better.

People and companies—some very smart people and very good companies—make basic mistakes routinely. In nearly every case, small changes could make big differences.

For example, take a look at the screenshot from my Starbucks app. Notice anything?

In psychology, there’s something we call the contrast phenomenon. What you experience first will impact what you experience next. When Starbucks puts “No Tip” first, then $0.50, they make $1.00 and $2.00 seem much bigger by comparison. I have no doubt that if they reversed the order, the average tip would be much higher. After debating about a $2.00 tip, $1.00 doesn’t seem like too much. Not everyone will give more, but enough will that baristas would do much better after giving their friendly service.

I’ve seen this same mistake made by organizations raising money via donations. Starting with $5 on the donation form and then going to $10, $25, $50, etc., will never be as effective as starting with the highest number and then going lower.

I could share many more examples, but I think you get the picture. As I stated in the opening: doing something routinely doesn’t necessarily make you better at it. Taking time to focus on a skill—like a golfer who practices consistently—will help you improve much faster and more efficiently.

This is why everyone should take time to learn about the psychology of persuasion. Doing so will help your professional success and personal happiness.

Did you hear what I SAID?

Halo Good Looking! Are You as Talented as I Think?

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Have you heard of the “halo effect?” For those with teens, I’m not talking about the Xbox game your kids might be playing where they seek to destroy aliens. The halo effect can be more insidious than the game when it leads us to harmful decisions.

Let me describe the halo effect for you:

  • You meet a tall, broad shouldered man, the new boss, and instantly assume he’s a good leader.
  • You’re interviewing a former college athlete, someone who set records at your alma mater, and you think her training habits will translate into a successful business career.
  • You’re introduced to someone and learn they have the IQ of a genius, which leads you to believe he would be a great asset to your organization.

Do you get the picture? The halo effect leads us to make all kinds of assumptions about someone based on a few attributes that may have no bearing on the skills, abilities, or talents needed for the current role.

Tall men are looked upon as being better leaders. That’s part of the reason taller men usually win political elections.

Sure, we can think of exceptions, like Napoleon, but when we do we attribute their success to something like “the little man syndrome.” We assume they had to try harder because they were smaller and wanted to prove everybody wrong. Couldn’t they have simply had the right skills to lead?

Good looking people tend to get elected more, hired more, make more money and get lighter sentences when they commit crimes.

Like much of our thinking, we’re unaware of how our biases affect our decision making. After all, no one would say they voted for someone because of their looks, or paid them more money, or gave them a lighter sentence. But the statistics tell another story.

In the Bible there’s a story about how the Israelites clamored for a king and defaulted to someone who looked the part rather than someone who would have been a good king based on merit. In 1 Samuel 9:2 we read, “He (Kish) had a son whose name was Saul, a choice and handsome man, and there was not a more handsome person than he among the sons of Israel; from his shoulders and up he was taller than any of the people.” Saul ended up being a poor king and was replaced by David, someone who didn’t look the part but was the greatest Israelite king.

You might be thinking about all the athletes who’ve done well in careers after their competitive days are over. There are many examples but that’s partly due to the fact that we seldom hear about the failures or those who only do as well as the average person. When we do hear about the failures, we just assume they were the exceptions, and we would never be so foolish.

It’s often assumed the smartest people, those with the best grades and highest IQs, will do the best in life. In recent decades something called emotional intelligence (EQ) has challenged the notion that high IQs is what it takes. Studies show those with higher EQs do better than those with high IQs. Still, old habits and legends die hard.

Certainly, tall people can be good leaders, athletes can take what they’ve learned through competition to succeed in business, and sometimes people with high IQs turn out to be wildly successful.

The point of this week’s post is to alert you to how many times irrelevant factors play a big role in our decision making process without us being aware. My advice would simply be this – question your assumptions. Perhaps you’ll find your initial impression was correct, but you might also realize you’re being swayed by factors that have nothing to do with what you’re really trying to assess.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT

Influencers from Around the World – Paradox of “The Bridge of Life”

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Hoh Kim has been a guest blogger for Influence PEOPLE since I began the Influencers from Around the World series more than five years ago. I met Hoh when we went through the Cialdini certification training together. At the time Hoh had his MA but it’s with great pleasure I can now say Hoh now has his doctorate, as well! Hoh received his Ph.D. in

Culture Technology from Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology; his dissertation title was “Psychological and neural influences of public apology on audience responses in corporate crisis situations.” I know you’ll enjoy his post on the paradox of “the bridge of life.”

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Paradox of “The Bridge of Life”

On September 1, 2015, Seoul city metropolitan government announced that they would discontinue “The Bridge of Life” which was established in August 2012 by cooperation between Seoul city metropolitan government and Samsung Life Insurance. Cheil Communication, the largest advertising agency in Korea, a subsidiary firm of Samsung Group, developed the idea. The idea and project received positive spotlights from both local and international media. “The bridge of life” received more than 30 international awards including Titanium Lion winner at Cannes Lions and Clio Awards in 2013.

What is the bridge of life? It is an interactive storytelling bridge and as you walk across the bridge, the bridge talks to you. Click here to watch a short video.

For your information, Korea has unfortunately been the number one country among OECD (The Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development) in terms of the number of suicides for more than a decade.

Mapo Bridge is one of the 31 bridges crossing Han River in Seoul, and it has a notorious nickname — “the bridge for suicide” — as more people tried suicide on this bridge than any other in Seoul. That’s why city government made the bridge of life. What were the results? In 2012, 15 people “tried” suicide on the Mapo Bridge. Then, “the bridge of life” was established. Surprisingly 93 people “tried” suicide on the bridge. There is an argument. In 2012, 60% of the people who “tried” suicide on the Mapo Bridge were saved, but in 2013, 94.6% (85 out of 93) was saved from the suicide attempts. In 2014, 184 people “tried” suicide on the bridge (I don’t have the number of people who survived in that year). Regardless, the survival rate, it was clear that many more people tried suicide in “the bridge of life.”

What was the problem? A possible explanation can come from “side effects” of social proof principle. When Dr. Cialdini explained the principle of social proof – i.e., people follow the lead of many/similar others – he warned to be careful not to use it with negative information. Even though I have lived in Seoul for more than 40 years, I came to know the fact that more people tried suicide on the Mapo Bridge than any other bridge in Seoul through the “Bridge of Life” campaign. I think the side effect of social proof influenced the surge of suicide trials on the bridge. However, to be honest, when I first heard about the campaign around 2013 from TV News, I thought the idea of the bridge was fascinating, and could not predict the side effect of the social proof principle.

What are the lessons out of it? Two things. First, when we design a campaign, we have to look at closely at whether there are any side effects of the campaign. How can we do that? The “red team” from the American soap opera “Newsroom” might help. Red team is a sort of Devil’s advocate. Red team intentionally attacks an idea so that we can cross check whether there is any downside of a project.

Second, the Bridge of Life project was a persuasion project where the campaign tried to influence to reduce actual suicide and suicide attempts. When there is any persuasion project, the best reference would be six principles of influence by Dr. Cialdini as he reviewed influence psychology of more than 60 years and found six universal principles.

By applying and checking against the principles, you can create a better persuasion campaign and avoid any pitfall of the campaign. When I first heard about the Bridge of Life, I should have carefully thought about the campaign against the principles, both their applications and side effects.

Hoh Kim, Ph.D.
Founder, Head Coach & Lead
Facilitator, THE LAB h
E-mail: hoh.kim@thelabh.com
Home: www.THELABh.com

Hoh

Will the Price of Cubans Rise or Fall?

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There’s a Seinfeld episode in which Kramer orders some Cubans. Jerry thinks he’s ordering cigars but Kramer actually brought three Cuban men over so they could roll cigars for him. He didn’t get cigars because they were illegal.

When America cut ties with Cuba after Fidel Castro took over, it became illegal to do business with Cuba. Whenever something is banned or difficult to get all of a sudden people want the banned or difficult to get things even more. That’s the principle of scarcity at work on the human psyche.

Here are just a few examples.

There was a point in time when you could only get Coors beer west of the Rockies. As a kid I remember my dad and his brothers talking about how good Coors was when they could get it. None of them drinks Coors now.

Yuengling is another example of a beer that was hard to come by, at least in Ohio, until recent years. I recall traveling with a friend who made it a point to stop at a conveience store in West Virginia just to buy a case of Yuengling.

Twinkies started flying off the shelf when it was announced Hostess was discontinuing the cake-filled treat.

Back in 2001, Oldsmobile exceeded it sales goal by a higher percentage than better-known brands such as BMW, Kia, Porsche, and many others, when it was announced the car line was being discontinued.

I’m a Scotch lover and asked an expert at a tasting event his thoughts on aged Scotch (25 years and older). He said he tries a glass but doesn’t buy a bottle because age doesn’t necessarily mean better taste. He said the reason the price is so much higher for aged Scotch is just because there’s less of it.

Why do we naturally feel compelled to take advantage of scarce resources or opportunities? From Influence Science and Practice:

“One prominent theory accounts for the primacy of loss over gain in evolutionary terms. If one has enough to survive, an increase in resources will be helpful but a decrease in those same resources could be fatal. Consequently, it would be adaptive to be especially sensitive to the possibility of loss.” (Haselton & Nettle, 2006)

Now here’s the interesting thing – once something is no longer scarce we don’t want it as much. There’s a good chance we’ll see this play out with Cuban cigars. Now that relations between the U.S. and Cuba have been normalized it’s a sure bet Cuban cigars will be easier to get. In all likelihood there will be a rush to get them when they initially hit the store shelves. However, as they become more commonplace it’s likely people won’t value them as much.

Humans are not always predictable so there’s no guarantee I’m correct in my assessment of what will happen with Cuban cigar prices. Only time will tell. However, given how scarcity works on the human mind and surveying similar scenarios from the past, if I were a betting man I’d bet on a price fall shortly after Cubans – cigars that is – hit the U.S. market.

Jerry Seinfeld: Following the Lead of an Expert

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I’m a big Seinfeld fan. No matter how many times I’ve seen an episode I always laugh. I’ve watched reruns so many times over the past 25 years I feel like Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer are personal friends. What I appreciate most is how the show portrays everyday situations in such a humorous light. An episode I watched recently went right to the heart of one of the principles of influence, so I felt compelled to write about it.

In this particular Seinfeld rerun Jerry bought a fancy, very expensive tennis racquet from Milosh, the owner of the sporting goods store associated with the tennis club Jerry belonged to. A short time later Jerry discovered Milosh was a terrible tennis player while playing at another club with Elaine. Apparently Milosh was so bad he wouldn’t play at his own club because he knew it would kill his reputation and sales. The following conversation ensued between Jerry and Elaine later at Jerry’s apartment:

Elaine – “So he was bad. What do you care?”

Jerry – “Elaine, I paid $200 for this racquet because he said it’s the only one he plays with. He could play just as well with a log.”

What sealed the deal for Jerry was the thought of a tennis pro – an expert – playing with the suggested racquet. He thought if it was good enough for the pro then of course he should play with it too because pros only use the very best equipment.

Jerry’s actions go to the heart of the principle of authority – we rely on those with superior knowledge, wisdom or expertise, when making decisions. And the advice of an expert is even more effective when someone isn’t sure what to do.

Jerry had been playing with a wooden racquet and had no idea there was a better option available until the pro told him so. Any newer racquet would have been an improvement but the more expensive racquet must be better because, after all, “you get what you pay for,” according to the old saying.

This happens quite often, especially when someone takes up a new sport. They buy lots of fancy, expensive equipment because that’s what the best athletes use. Unfortunately the novices could have saved a lot of hard earned cash by going with good, but less expensive equipment, until they got much better. The very best equipment makes a difference for the very best players because sometimes the difference between winning and losing is a fraction of a second, a single stroke, or inches.

Is expert advice worth listening to? Most of the time, yes, but just be leery when that advice might lead to very costly purchases that make very little difference in the end.

Influence and Persuasion Quotes to Ponder

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This week’s post is a little different. Below you’ll find some of my favorite quotes when it comes to influence and persuasion. It’s a short post but I encourage you to read the quotes slowly and give thought to what each author is saying.

“Persuasion is the art of getting someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask.” – Aristotle, Greek philosopher. If people are already doing what you want there’s no need to persuade them, right?

“Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.” – Aristotle, Greek philosopher. It doesn’t matter what you know if people can’t trust you they won’t listen to you.

“Persuasion skills exert a far greater influence over others’ behaviors than formal power structure do.” – Robert B. Cialdini Ph.D., author of Influence Science and Practice. When I read this I immediately thought of Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Jesus. None of them had formal power but each had a huge influence on the world.

“The only real power available to the leader is the power of persuasion.” – Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th President of the United States. Many people consider the President of the United States the most powerful person in the world but as LBJ acknowledged, the President must persuade to get things done.

“Power is nothing unless you can turn it into influence.” – Dr. Condoleezza Rice, former U.S. Secretary of State. Power is good but once that power is removed will people listen to you? Better to have power and influence because not only will people listen to you because they have to but also because they want to.

“Selling is the process of persuading a person that your product or service is of greater value to him than the price you’re asking for it.” – Brian Tracy, author of The Psychology of Selling. Selling is persuading and persuading is selling.

“I like to think of sales as the ability to gracefully persuade, not manipulate, a person or persons into a win-win situation.” – Bo Bennett, American businessman. Manipulation is an attitude that conveys, “I win and I don’t care whether or not you do.” That’s not a recipe for long-term success.

“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.” – Ken Blanchard, author of The One Minute Manager. The best leaders don’t force people to do what they want, they persuade them and gain voluntary followers.

I’ll conclude with a quote of my own, something I share with audiences quite often when I speak – “Much of your professional success and personal happiness depends on getting others to say ‘Yes’ to you.”

The more people who say “Yes” to you at work, the more you’ll get accomplished, the more you’ll move your agenda forward and the more sales you’ll make.

Never discount the importance of persuasion at home because when your spouse, significant other, children, family members, or roommates willingly do what you want the less tension there will be and more happiness.

Have a great week!

Doubt and Belief

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“When you say it, they doubt it. When they say it, they believe it.”
Tom Hopkins, author and sales trainer

I recall that quote from How to Master the Art of Selling and Tom’s Sales Boot Camp. Telling someone what you think is right for them is never as effective as helping them see it and verbalize it for themselves. Dale Carnegie understood this truth as well when he encouraged readers to, “Let the other person think the idea is theirs.”

The psychology behind this truth has to do with the principle of consistency. This principle of influence highlights the reality that people feel internal psychological pressure, as well as external social pressure, to be consistent in what they say and do. When our words and deeds align, we feel better about ourselves than we do when they don’t align.

For example, have you ever given your word to someone that you’d be somewhere or do something for him or her but had to back out? Sure you have. We all have because sometimes unforeseen things come up.

The real question is this – how did you feel when you had to tell them you couldn’t do what you promised? When I ask audiences that question the words, they use to describe how they felt are heavy, emotional and negative. Words like guilty, horrible, terrible, and bad are frequently used.

Nobody wants to feel guilty, horrible, terrible, or bad so many times we find ourselves following through on our word…even when we didn’t want to do what was promised!

When someone voices an opinion, thought or idea they own it much more than if they’re told the same opinion, thought or idea. After all, once you’ve said it publicly or put it in writing you don’t want to go back on your word. That’s why people will look much harder for reasons that support or defend their position.

When it comes to persuading people, you will be far more successful if you get them to say it – out loud or in their head – than if you just tell them. Steve Jobs was a master at this. When he introduced the iPod for the first time, he slipped it out of his pocket and say, “A thousand songs in your pocket.” People got that and it was far more effective than saying, “This baby holds five gigabytes of information.” But Jobs went on to seal the deal when he said, “Isn’t that amazing?”

Important – Note that Jobs didn’t tell them (“This is amazing!”) it was amazing he asked them by using a question (“Isn’t that amazing?”). People feel compelled to answer questions, even if only in their head. When we tell them things they passively receive the information. There’s a BIG difference; one that master persuaders get. After Jobs asked that question and people answer affirmatively in their heads as they nodded, they were convincing themselves they wanted one!

The way to get someone to believe is to have them say it out loud or to themselves. Most of the time this occurs through good questioning techniques.

In my line of work, I deal with insurance agents. They’re experts compared to the buying public when it comes to insurance. They can share that expertise but sometimes it will come across as someone trying to sell a consumer more insurance than they need. But if they ask the right questions, they can get the consumer to see their need.

Here’s an example. In 2011 the town of Joplin, Missouri, was devastated by a tornado. Unfortunately for about two-thirds of the people affected, their homes were underinsured. Imagine having just lost your home and all your possessions then hearing the news that the insurance settlement will not allow you to rebuild it as it was because you didn’t carry enough insurance!

The challenge for an insurance agent is this – if they recommend more insurance John Q. Public probably thinks he needs, the agent is just trying to sell them more insurance to earn more commission dollars. The smart agent will ask questions, so the homeowner sees their need.

Agent – Tom, I want to ask you a question. Is it your expectation that the insurance company will rebuild your home exactly as it is today if it were completely destroyed?

Tom – Of course, that’s why we carry insurance.

Agent – That’s what I expected, Tom. You’re like every other person we insure but I just wanted to make 100% sure that was your intention.

Now, if the agent realizes the home is currently underinsured, he can approach the situation as follows.

Agent – Tom, last time we met I asked if it was your expectation that your insurance would fully rebuild your home after a disaster, and you said yes. I have some bad news. With your current policy that won’t happen. I’ve estimated the cost with three different insurance companies and all of them come in around $250,000. Right now, your policy covers your home for $200,000. So, the big question is this – If your home is destroyed can you come up with the $50,000 needed to finish the rebuilding process?

Tom – No and that’s not what I’m going to do.

Agent – You’re like every other person I’ve ever dealt with, so I ran up quotes with those three companies at $250,000.

Does the agent want to sell more insurance? Yes, but it’s to fully protect the customer. By asking the right questions, Tom saw his need and by his own words could embrace the change. If an agent goes about it wrong, he or she is seen as someone just looking to make more commission and that could be disastrous for someone who ends up underinsured.

Here’s your takeaway – Stop telling and start asking.

Asking questions engages the mind, keeps people focused on the conversation and can be used to help them see what you’re asking or proposing is in their best self-interest. As our Chief Sales Officer Clyde Fitch likes to say, “Self-interest may not be the only horse in the race but it’s the one to bet on.”

Brian Ahearn, CMCT

Influencers from Around the World – Italians and the Principle of Liking

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Marco Germani is our guest blogger for this month’s “Influencers from Around the World” post. Marco lives in Italy, just outside of Rome. He’s not only been a guest blogger in the past, he wrote a book on influence in Italian. Marco is married and has two young boys. He gets real world influence application in his various business pursuits. Readers have always enjoyed Marco’s perspective on influence and I’m sure that will be the case this month.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 
Italians and the Principle of Liking

I recently read about a survey conducted by Citibank, a corporation with employees across the globe. The object was to identify how the different persuasion principles would apply to different cultures around the world. The question asked of employees was: If someone within your organization came to ask you for help on a project, and this project would take you away from your own duties, under what circumstances you would be mostly obligated to help?

The results displayed that in the U.S., the principle mostly taken into account to answer this question was reciprocity. What has this person done for me? Do I feel obliged to render him a favor? That would determine whether the help is granted or not.

In Hong Kong, the most important principle was authority: is this person connected to my small group and in particular, is he a senior member of this group?

In Germany, authority was considered but under a different light: according to the rules and regulations, am I supposed to say yes? In this case, I am obliged.

Finally, in Italy, yet another persuasion principle was mainly taken into account: the one of liking. Is this person connected to my friends? I am loyal to my friends so, therefore, I must help him or her.

Being an Italian I can confirm this is true most of the time. I then started to think about the reason this principle is so important for Italians and I came up with my own theory. It goes back to my country’s history. Contrary to what happened in other European countries, like

France and Germany, Italy started to exist as a single centralized unit only quite recently (250 years ago, which for Europe is a really short time). For thousands of years, the regions eventually forming Italy existed as isolated kingdoms (Kingdom of Naples, Kingdom of the two Sicilies, etc.) and often fought bitterly against each other.

When Italy became a nation it was hard, for a central government, back then based in Piedmont in northern Italy, to maintain control while being politically and physically present in the whole country.

This was especially true in southern regions like Calabria or Sicilia. The formation of small clans of people, which eventually led to the creation of the most (unfortunately) famous criminal organization in the world, the Mafia, became a necessity of survival.

Where the hand of the government couldn’t reach, there you had a small group of “friends” ready to kill for each other in order to keep order and peace and fight against the “bad guys.” If you wanted protection, you must become their friend too. If not, bad things could happen to you. Assuming this theory has some part of truth, it must be eradicated in our DNA a sense of loyalty to our group of friends, not anymore for survival, but to have some kind of advantage in our daily lives, according also to the principle of reciprocity.

This can be observed also when two or more Italians meet abroad. We tend to establish as soon as possible a sort of connection, because we know that we could, as a small team (or clan) be more effective in overcoming problems and finding solutions. Of course this happens without any criminal or illegal intention nowadays. On the other hand, in a business setting, this is a universal rule, which transcends cultures: always try to build a relationship with your customer or business partner before talking shop. With us Italians, it is even more important and it is an aspect which should never be underestimated by any serious negotiator or influencer.

Marco

 

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count Just a Few Ways

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“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways,” is a famous line from an Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem. Counting the reasons you love someone (or like a friend, enjoy your car, prefer a certain store, etc.) is only good advice if you don’t have to count too high. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say don’t have people count past one hand. Allow me to explain.

I’ve been rereading Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow. If you want a great overview of how your subconscious and conscious minds work then you’ll want to pick up his book. He touches on our irrationality, similar to Dan Ariely’s work in Predictably Irrational, heuristics (click-whir responses) as mentioned by Robert Cialdini in his classic Influence Science and Practice, as well as many other concepts about how our minds work.

As I’ve been reading I’m struck by the reality that our minds work in ways that are quite often opposite of what we might expect. For example, who would be more persuaded to buy a BMW? The person who is asked to list a dozen reasons BMWs are great cars or the person who is asked to list just three reasons? Most people would intuitively guess the person who lists a dozen reasons. After all, if you can come up with 12 reasons it must be a good car, especially when considered against just three reasons. Unfortunately you’d be wrong.

In several different studies cited in Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman clearly show people who are asked to generate fewer reasons are more persuaded than those who have to come up with many more. Why is this the case? If you can easily come up with three reasons you are probably pretty confident a BMW is an excellent car. However, if asked to come up with lots more, and you do so but struggle in the process, you start to wonder if the BMW is really as good as you think. The struggle allows doubt to creep in.

This feature of thinking is common to all people. When we can quickly come up with a few reasons we are for gay marriage or against it, for a political candidate or against the candidate, for tax increases on the wealthy or against them, or for or against anything else, we will be even more confident that our position (for or against) is the correct decision. However, if asked to list many more reasons we might just wonder how strong our case really is.

Pause to consider this if you happen to be in marketing or sales. Inundating people with reasons your product or service is the best might not work as well as hammering home three to five reasons because your prospective customer will probably easily recall two or three of those reasons. However, a laundry list of why your offer is so great will only work against you!

There’s a saying, “Sometimes less is more,” and it’s certainly the case when you want someone to believe your product or service is the right one for him or her. By the same token, when it comes to love, “How do I love the? Let me count the ways,” will work much better if you save your loved one some time and energy and just ask them to tell you two or three things they love about you!

You Teach People How to Manipulate Others

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I attended a networking event/cocktail hour recently and was engaged in conversation with the woman I was seated next to. She asked what I did and I told her I was a sales trainer for an insurance company. She asked if I had a background in education and I told her I did not. She proceeded to quiz me on how I could be a trainer or educator without formal training as an educator. I say, “quiz” because rather than feeling she was interested, I felt more like I was being cross-examined, as if I might be unqualified for the job I’ve been doing successfully for more than 20 years.

As the conversation proceeded, I mentioned that I have my own business where I teach people about the psychology of persuasion. She said, “So you teach people how to manipulate others.” I’m sure she noticed my face change as I replied rather forcefully, “No, there’s a difference between manipulation and persuasion.” She said she didn’t think there was any difference because persuasion was only about getting people to do what you want which in her mind was manipulation. In my mind that’s like saying there’s no difference between the person who uses a knife to cut into a steak and a surgeon who uses a scalpel during an operation.

If you’ve read Influence PEOPLE for any length of time, you know I’ve addressed manipulation before but it’s worth going into once again because there’s such a misconception out there.

My first question to those who think persuasion is manipulation would be this – is there any way to get someone to do what you want without manipulating them?

I hope you answered yes because if not, then we live in a world where everyone is simply out for himself or herself with no regard for anyone else. Think of the consequences:

We don’t get our kids to study because it will help them in life, only because it allows us as parents to brag about their grades.

Wherever you work, no one should buy your product or service because you only sell it to make money without regard to how it impacts others.

You don’t marry someone because you love him or her and want to make him or her happy; you just want to take happiness from them.

I could go on and on but you get the picture. There are people who do what I just described because there are always people who are out only for themselves and don’t care about anyone else.

However, I bet most of you reading this aren’t like that. You want your kids to do well in school because it will make their lives better down the road. You probably work for a company where you really believe people will be better off with your products or services. And the person you’re with, you probably do want to help him or her live a happy, fulfilled life. Do you get anything out of what I just described? Sure you do, but is what you get your driving force? Probably not.

Here’s the reality; every day we encounter people who are not doing what we’d like them to do, what we know they should do, or what might make them better off. For example, in my line of work – insurance – people are happy they have insurance if they have a car accident, their home burns down or a loved one dies. You hope you never have to use your insurance, and you’d rather not have to buy insurance, but you know you might need it one day and you’re thankful it’s there when something bad happens. Is a salesperson helping you understand this reality manipulating you? I don’t see it that way.

Now, people can certainly resort to manipulation. One definition is “to manage or influence skillfully, especially in an unfair manner.” Today we don’t think about “skillfully” because the word is associated with “unfair” and taking advantage of others.

Consider this; if you learned that saying “please” and “thank you” made people more likely to do what you want, would you say “please” and “thank you” most of the time? Certainly you would! You can call using those words “good manners” but the fact remains, we appreciate it when people are polite and we know people respond to us better when we’re polite. Consequently polite people tend to get what they want more often than impolite people. But that doesn’t mean polite people are manipulative.

It’s a fact that when we help others they’re more likely to help us. Does being a nice person who likes to help others make you a manipulator? Not necessarily. Certainly some people learn this and use it to their unfair advantage but others do it because they’ve learned life is easier when you give and respond to giving. This starts early in life when we teach our kids to say “thank you” after someone has done something for them. Are you just teaching your kids to manipulate? I don’t think so.

When we talk about the principles of influence we’re talking about psychological triggers that people naturally respond to. The principles are neither good nor bad, they simply describe how people typically think and respond. How we use them reveals something about our character. When it comes to this I like the following quote from The Art of Woo:

“An earnest and sincere lover buys flowers and candy for the object of his affection. So does the cad who only seeks to take advantage of another’s heart but when the cad succeeds we don’t blame the flowers and candy, we rightly question his character.”

Learning how to influence others isn’t manipulation but can certainly be used by a cad to take advantage of another so let me end with this:

Be truthful, look to give, and try to genuinely help people. If you live your life like that you’ll reap much more than you sow because people will appreciate you and want to help you in return. That’s not manipulation, that’s living life in a way that benefits everyone, including you.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.