Tag Archive for: consistency

Consistency vs. Authority: Which to Use and When

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Last month I conducted a couple of POP (Principles of Persuasion) workshops. One was for insurance agents and the other was for managers and supervisors at State Auto. Actually, I’ve done more than a dozen POPs in the past three years and I’ve seen a common thread with participants – confusing when to use the principle of consistency and when to use the principle of authority.

The principle of consistency tells us people want to be consistent in word and deed. Once a person takes a stand on an issue, be it through word or action, they feel internal psychological pressure to be consistent with what they’ve said, done or believe. Therefore, understanding what someone believes, values, and has said or done can be a powerful tool for persuasion if you can align your request appropriately.Authority, on the other hand, has to do with expertise and trustworthiness. If you can bring expert opinion into your request you significantly increase the odds that the other person will say “Yes” because people typically look to experts for advice. We do this because we simply don’t have the time or energy to research every decision. The good news is, things generally work out for the best when we rely on trustworthy experts. For example, accountants can prepare our taxes faster, more accurately and save people more money than the average citizen so many of us turn to accountants to prepare our taxes.No one I’ve ever trained has had a problem understanding either principle I’ve just described. The problem isn’t with the knowing, it’s with the doing, the application.
When you think about trying to persuade someone using the principle of consistency you need to think about them, not you. Quite often I’ll hear workshop participants say something like, “In order to persuade them I’m going to talk about how I consistently…” Your personal consistency can be an important tool in persuading another but it’s not using the principle of consistency as I’ve defined it above.When you try to persuade someone and you consider the principle of consistency as a means to do so you need to think about the other person. What have they said in the past? What have they done in the past? What are their personal beliefs? If you know the answer to one or more of those questions and can align your request with those answers you stand a much better chance of hearing them say “Yes!”Here’s an example. In sales we talk about an “up front close” as a way of making more sales. As a salesperson, if I do a good job asking questions and listening then it’s very likely a prospective customer will tell me exactly what I need to do to earn their business. But it’s not enough to just hear them because I need to use this new understanding in conjunction with the principle of consistency to increase my chances of earning their business. To do this I might say something like, “If we can get the car in the color you want, with the DVD player and matching floor mats at the price we’ve been discussing, will you buy the car from us?” If the customer has told you exactly what they want and the price they need, and you can meet all the criteria then it’s only logical that they would answer your question saying, “If you can do all that I’ll buy the car from you.” But the key is asking them because once someone says they’ll do something they feel their own internal pressure to live up to their word.I usually ask people how they feel when they give their word and have to break it. To a person, they tell me they feel bad even when their reason is perfectly legitimate. I’ve had people tell me they felt bad missing weddings because a close relative went into the hospital. I’m sure the bride and groom understood and yet the person still felt bad. That’s the power of consistency!Let me come back now to your personal consistency because I said earlier that it is
importance when it comes to influencing another person even though it’s not using the principle of consistency. When you are consistent – always return calls promptly, hit deadlines consistently, perform to a high level all the time – that increases your trustworthiness and thus your authority. If you always do what you say people come to rely on you and that opens lots of doors. However, please take note of the difference between this and consistency as outlined above because it’s important.Using the principles will only help you be more persuasive if you use them ethically and correctly. If you don’t then you’re likely to fail and abandon your attempt to use them in the future. Bad idea because these are scientifically proven ways that can help you be more persuasive.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Influencers from Around the World – Influencing in Australia

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This month’s Influencers from Around the World article is the first guest post from Anthony McLean. Like myself and several of my guest bloggers, Anthony is a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT). In fact, he’s the only CMCT in Australia and he’s going to share with us how to best influence should you find yourself in Australia or dealing with an Aussie. I encourage you to connect with Anthony on Facebook or LinkedIn.

Brian, CMCT
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Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Influencing in AustraliaAs a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer I often get asked what principles work best when influencing people from other countries. In joining Brian’s Influencers from Around the World I thought I would discuss the influence culture within Australia.Many of you may already know about Australia and our culture. Perhaps you know Aussies, have done business here or with Australians abroad, have visited our far away shores or watched Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter) or Crocodile Dundee on the big or small screen.Internationally Australians have a varied reputation from being laid back and casual to being beer guzzling loudmouths. The actual fact is Australia, while only having a population of 23 million, is a rich multicultural tapestry. Apart from Indigenous Australians we are all immigrants, some more recent than others; therefore, in such a large and diverse country each principle still applies.Liking – we prefer to say YES to those we know and like.
In World War I and II, Australians found themselves standing side by side with like-minded countries including our close neighbours and friends, New Zealand. It was in the caldron of battle that the ANZAC tradition was forged. We fought together, came from a similar part of the world and had similar values, attitudes and beliefs. This attitude of standing by your mates is still strongly identified with today and like many siblings, Australia and New Zealand have a fierce but friendly rivalry.

Australians are very parochial, whether it is our sporting teams, our political parties, our choice of beer or even the city or suburb we come from. Identify with the things you have in common with an Australian and you are well on your way to making a connection. If you find an Aussie who is not a sports fan, commenting on the fanatical nature of sports fans and the delusional commitment to this activity will also generally strike a chord.Many Australians are willing to give new things a go. In order to create a relationship, look to the experiences or activities you can share with us and it will be this common interest and cooperation that is sure to succeed in building a relationship based on Liking. If all else fails simply make a joke at the expense of a New Zealander or try and say “G’day” and this will generally spark a smile if not raucous laughter.Reciprocity – we prefer to give back to those who have given to us firstAn integral part of Australian society is helping out your mates. While Australians and New Zealanders love to give each other a hard time, when the chips are down that spirit of camaraderie comes to the fore. No better example was seen than during the recent natural disasters in the Asian Pacific rim. Queensland experienced a near one-in-one hundred year flood, then within weeks the biggest cyclone to ever cross our shores hit North Queensland and not surprisingly the first offer of help came from New Zealand. When the earthquake hit Christchurch it was not a consideration of if we would help but how much help we would send. Similarly with the recent earthquake in Japan, Australian search and rescue crews were dispatched immediately to support the teams on the ground because they have done the same for us in the recent past.Reciprocity is a core element to all societies and it is no different in Australia.In the outback it is not uncommon for your nearest neighbour or town to be several hours away. If you were driving on a remote country road and someone needed a tow, or a spare part, or whatever, you would stop and lend a hand because you never know when it may be you who needs some help. If you want to build a relationship with an Australian, going first is the key. Whether it is a kind word in the train, a helping hand with tipping (as we are not very good at it) or buying the first beer; these simple gestures will often ensure you have a friend for life. If nothing else you know we will be there if and when you need us.Consensus – we look to those like us to guide our behaviour when we are uncertain
In the multicultural mix that is Australia we have found that collective Asian-based cultures are becoming a greater influence in our society and connectedness a greater part of our lives. We have people from all over the world flocking to enjoy our beaches, climate and lifestyle. When trying to influence an Australian in a situation where they are not sure of what to do, don’t miss the opportunity to show us what others like us are doing. Whether it is in a work or social setting, highlight what those who are most like us, i.e., those who live or work near us, have the same job, other supporters of our sporting teams, other members of our social or age group are doing in this situation. Show us this and we will be keen to join in.

By way of example in the recent Queensland floods, reports of tens of thousands of volunteers rushing into the streets to help their neighbours spawned even more volunteers to show up until the officials asked volunteers to stop coming as they couldn’t transport all the people to the affected areas.
Authority – when we are not sure of what we should do we look to those with knowledge and wisdom we do not possess.In Australia we suffer from the “tall poppy syndrome,” where those who rise from the bunch can tend to get unnecessarily cut down. It is unfortunate but true.That being said, we are attracted to those whose actions speak louder than their words. Often the person who tends to say the least is listened to when they speak and we even have affectionate names for them like “Rowdy” (i.e., a sarcastic play on the fact they don’t often make much of a fuss). So in demonstrating Authority to influence an Australian, do what you say you will, present yourself as a knowledgeable source that is willing to listen and this will gain our respect. Like others, we are guided by Authorities, but we will expect you to do more than turn up in a big car, tell us you are from a bigger more sophisticated town than ours and name drop.Those who are an Authority will quickly gain our respect; those who rely solely on their position of Authority may not have the same success.Consistency – we are compelled to live up to the commitments that we make.Australians love to exaggerate in telling a good story, so if you want us to live up to what we say, just make sure we aren’t joking when we say something. That notwithstanding, in a country as big and sparsely populated as ours those who fail to live up to what they say they’ll do are quickly identified and are not positively thought of. It is unusual to find people who take great pride in failing to live up to the things they say they will do – it flies in the face of standing by your mates. Therefore, if you want an Australian to follow through with something, align your requests or proposals with the things they already stand for and you will have little problem getting us to do what we say we will.Scarcity – we are motivated by those things that are rare or dwindling in availabilityEven though Australia is often referred to as the lucky country, we cannot stand to lose the things we need any more than someone from overseas can. In a broad brown land that is often plagued with drought we understand the importance of seizing the opportunity when it presents. Therefore, when influencing an Australian show us what we stand to lose and we will be motivated to act. As keen sports people, show us we are in competition with others for your services and we will certainly take notice.One last point — to influence an Australian remember that we don’t tend to take ourselves too seriously. So feel free to share a smile, a joke or a kind word. Tell us when you make a mistake and show us how we can fix it. Treat us with respect and you will always be welcome to come around for a barbeque.Finally, replace the word Australian with wherever you come from and you’ll see that we are not that different to you. The principles of persuasion work all over the world, but they are about influencing people not countries. With the global village getting smaller every day, do your research on the person you are trying to influence and once you find out what types of things they stand for don’t bungle the opportunity to improve both of your positions.Anthony McLean, CMCT

 

How Bernie Madoff with our Money

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We all know the name Bernie Madoff, perpetrator of the biggest Ponzi scheme ever in American business. It’s estimated that $36 billion was invested with Madoff’s firm and that upwards of $18 billion is still missing.

A few weeks ago I was in Cleveland to speak at the local chapter of the Chartered Property Casualty Underwriters (CPCU). I was asked to talk about ethics so I decided a unique approach for this insurance group would be taking a look at Dr. Cialdini’s principles of influence and how they were used by Bernie Madoff. The title for my talk was “How Bernie Madoff with our Money.”

When I talk about the principles of influence I usually refer to ethical influence and persuasion so talking about the unethical use was an interesting change for me. The principles of influence tap into the psychology of human behavior – what causes someone to say “Yes” to a request – and they are powerful! Social scientists and behavioral economists have been scientifically studying human behavior for more than five decades so there’s plenty of data to back up that statement.

Con men may not know the science but through trial and error they quickly figure out how to use the psychology to their advantage. I think it’s important that people understand the principles not only to become more adept at ethically influencing people but also to avoid being manipulated by con men such as Bernie Madoff. I’m going to briefly describe each principle then share something Madoff did that helped him continually bring in new investors for decades. After all, Ponzi schemes depend on a continued inflow of investors and money or else they quickly collapse, so landing new clients was of the utmost importance for Madoff.

Reciprocity – We feel obligated to give back to those who first give to us. When someone does us a favor we want to return the favor in some way and silly as it may sound Bernie made it seem like he was doing his clients a favor by letting them invest with him. After all, his clientele were the rich and famous, he’d been a glowing success for decades and he was well respected. It was a privilege to let him handle their money. The favor was returned as people told others about him and new clients came by way of referral.  

Liking – People like to do business with people we like, especially those who are similar to them. Madoff tapped into this principle based on his similarities to many of his clients. For starters, he recruited from his country club. That’s not out of the ordinary at all because men gauge one another’s character a lot based on shared experiences like golfing. In addition to this, Madoff tapped into similarity through his Jewish heritage because many of his victims were Jewish and trusted him more based on this.

Consensus – We feel more comfortable doing what everyone else is doing or doing what people just like us are doing. If you’re rich then you hang with people who are rich too. Inevitably conversation turns to business so undoubtedly Madoff’s name was passed around like the offering plate at church. If you know many of your most successful friends invest with someone that’s going to give you pause to consider making a switch.

Authority – People tend to trust those who are viewed as experts and Bernie had this one down! He’d been investing successfully since the early 1960s, but what was more impressive was that he helped start the NASDAQ. His trustworthiness was impeccable because he also served as the Chairman of the Board for the National Association of Security Dealers. Why wouldn’t you automatically trust him with those credentials on his side?

Consistency – We like to be consistent in what we say and do because when you do something you usually do it because you believe it’s the right thing to do. If someone asks who you invest with and whether or not you’re doing well of course you’ll respond positively. Being the con-man he was, I’m sure Madoff occasionally asked his biggest clients for referrals and recommendations which they were probably all too willing to do. After all, it would be inconsistent not to.

Scarcity – People want more of what they can’t have or something that is hard to come by. I don’t think Madoff’s firm was one in which any person could pick up the phone and ask to open an account. When you’re dealing in the billions like he was it tends to be a very exclusive club and the more exclusive, the more people wanted in. How would you feel if you knew a business only took on a limited number of new clients each year and you were one they were considering? Most people would jump at the chance.

So there you have it, a quick overview of some of the psychology of How Bernie Madoff with our Money. Hindsight is 20/20 so it’s easy for us to look back and think we’d never be fooled in such a way. However, think about the kinds of people who invested with him – the rich and famous – people who were smart or had smart people managing their money. No, the reality is we’re all susceptible because we’re human and the same psychological pull would be at work in us. Madoff’s situation and science both confirm that. Here’s my advice to you; continue to learn about influence, keep your eyes and ears open, and learn to trust your gut because when something seems too good to be true it usually is.

Brian, CMCT
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Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

The Psychology of the Sale

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I’m a big reader but that wasn’t always the case. In fact, as strange at this sounds, as a kid I hated reading and writing. I say it’s strange because now I write all the time and I read about a book a week. For me, part of a great weekend is spending time at Barnes and Noble with Jane, Abigail and a cup of Starbucks coffee (Venti coffee of the day, cream and sugar). And if there happens to be a sale I’m the kind that will use the coupon no matter what.

In January I received an email with what I thought was a unique coupon from Barnes and Noble. What I thought was unique may not be to some of you more “professional” shoppers, but nonetheless it prompted me to want to write about the psychology of the sale this week.
There was the standard expiration date on the coupon, 1/30/11. That’s no big deal because we’re all used to seeing that. The expiration date incorporates scarcity, the principle of influence that tells us people tend to value things more when they believe they are rare or diminishing. The simple fact that the sale has an end date will prompt many people to stop by the store if for no other reason than to just look. Of course, a good percentage of people will end up using the coupon and buying when they might not have otherwise. This isn’t unique but it is part of the psychology of the sale.

What I found unique was the potential savings. Most of the time we simply see a percentage we can save when we get a coupon. It may be 10% off an entire purchase, 20% off of one item, or buy two and get one free. I could go on for quite some time with all the variations but you get the point. What was unique about this coupon was that it said I could save 10%, 15%, 20%, 30%, or possibly 50% off one item! The catch was; I wouldn’t know until I got to the register.

So now scarcity becomes a little more important because what if I miss out on saving 50%? That would really stink, especially for a book lover so I might as well go and see how much I could save.Would you have gone to the store to save 10%? Maybe or maybe not. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. How about 15%? Perhaps you go. I always give it strong consideration. At 20% you might start think it could be too good to pass up, so the odds that you visit the store are pretty good. It’s not too often I miss a 20% off sale on books. When you get the 30% coupon you can imagine loads of people make it a point to stop by the bookstore. I know I’ll go out of my way to drop by. With a 50% coupon nearly every book lover will stop by because there’s always something worthwhile still on the reading list and it’s easy to justify buying a book for half price. I am definitely in that group!But still, you don’t know how much you’ll save. You know at 30%, and certainly at 50% off, you can find that book you’ve been wanting to read — the hardback edition because you like hardback books — and you can justify the additional cost because of the extra savings you’ll get…even if you’re not sure how much you’ll save.You get to the front of the line and eagerly anticipate your savings as you hand the cashier your coupon. She scans it and bingo, you saved 50%! Life is good! But wait, you know there will be very few people who get 50% off. The truth is most people will save only 10% and as the percentage of savings goes up the odds that your coupon will be one of those big winners goes down.Are you going to tell the cashier you don’t want the book after all and return that $25 or $35 book because you only saved 10%? I bet the vast majority of people won’t. First reason I bet you won’t is consistency. This principle of influence tells us people like to be consistent. Driving to the store to buy a book then not buying it feels wrong to most people. After all, you’ve spent gas money driving there and at $3.15 a gallon people are changing driving habits so you don’t want to waste that trip. In addition to the gas, you invested time driving there and browsing in the store so you convince yourself saving 10% isn’t too bad…even if knowing that ahead of time might not have gotten you out the door.The other factor that comes into play is compare and contrast. I see this happening two ways. First was the structure of the coupon. When you start by reading the 10%, 15% and so on, by the time you get to 30% and 50% the savings seems even larger by comparison and that gets your hopes up. Compare and contrast also comes into play when you save 10%, let’s say $2.50, and you rationalize that saving another $2.50 would have been nice but not necessary, especially after your time and effort are taken into consideration.So there you have it, a little bit of the psychology of the sale. There are quite a few things going on in the mind of the potential customer and the reality is, most people are completely unaware of how those outside influences are impacting their behavior. Martin Lindstrom, author of Buy-ology, says 85% of our actions are driven by non-conscious thinking. Most people don’t really know why they do what they do but having a little more insight can hopefully help you make the right decision when it comes to a sale.Brian, CMCT
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Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Influencers from Around the World – The Unavoidable Influence of Death

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This month’s Influencers from Around the World article is from Yago de Marta. If you’ve been a reader of Influence PEOPLE for any length of time then you’ve no doubt read some articles by Yago. I think you’ll find his perspective on influence and death intriguing. I encourage you to check out his website and reach out to him on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Unavoidable Influence of Death

Some months ago a very popular person from my hometown died. His name was Jose Antonio Labordeta. The purpose of this article is not to remember his life because media all around the world, especially in Spain, have already done that. The article that appeared in The Guardian (UK) made me ponder the following questions about death’s influence on the living:
What involves death that makes it so influential? Why does death go beyond our daily affairs and routines? What is the mechanism of death’s influence?In Labordeta’s case there is an element which allows us to follow his influence. In 1975 he composed “Song to Liberty” (Canto a la Libertad). At that moment and many times since there were people who proposed this song as the regional anthem of this area, Aragón. And from that time forward the song was sung in different historical events.
However, on September 19 Labordeta died and from that moment on everything changed. Google tells us about the great number of people who attended his funeral. Maybe some of them had never heard of his songs but the crowd of people shows us the way individuals and associations mobilized to make “Canto a la Libertad” the anthem of Aragón.At this moment the song hasn’t officially become the anthem so it’s difficult to give a final valuation on the way Labordeta’s death will influence his works. Nonetheless, we do observe most of Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence in death and that’s what this article is really about.
Reciprocation: Yes, it’s true that the dead cannot give us anything to invoke reciprocity but in some way, if we show ourselves to be understanding and kind with the dead, we hope others will show empathy with us when we die. One of the most common activities of the human mind is to wonder, “Who will come to my funeral?” Taking this idea, if we are kind with the dearly departed then we think people will be kind with us when we pass on.Commitment and Consistency: From childhood on, we are told to be respectful of the dead. This has happened since the origins of humankind. This expectation causes a kind of fixed attitude toward death in our minds throughout life. Even when we are older, if somebody dies we show ourselves to be sad and sorrowful. We are that way partly because we are expected to act like that.Social Proof (Consensus): This is very remarkable in the case of film or pop stars. Regardless of whether you liked or disliked Michael Jackson’s music, or regardless of the fact that some months before he died many people thought he was a pedophile, when he died almost everyone felt something different; they felt a little sad and depressed. And most people around the world felt similarly. Knowing and seeing how others felt was like a multiplier effect.Liking: We are going to die, every single one of us. Such is life. This obvious idea is what makes us identify with a person who dies. We don’t always identify in the same way, but every time somebody dies around us we get this feeling. Further, the mirror neurons come into effect, when we identify with the person who has just died. We tend to be more empathetic, softer and kinder.Authority: Myths are built in death. It happens this way with famous painters, writers and even politicians. Death tends to make the principle of authority grow. When somebody dies, his or her personality reaches highest levels because we are more respectful with the dead. It could also be because of traditions or culture, but respect is a form of authority.Scarcity: There’s nothing in our whole life that creates more scarcity than death. When we die everything we could have said, made, painted or sung seems to be not enough. Life is short and limited. Before dying we can keep on painting, singing or doing whatever we please but from the moment of death it is no longer possible. And so there you have from my perspective, how we are all influenced by death. Death’s influence, like death itself, is unavoidable. Yago

 

“I Know, I Know” – The Illusion of Knowledge

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If you have a teenager, or have raised one, then no doubt you’re familiar with the phrase, “I know!” It seems like no matter what you say the response is almost always the same, “I know!” You might say, “Clean your room,” and it’s met with, “I know!” Or how about this, “You need to study before you can go out,” and they say, “I know!” If only we were as smart as our kids because they seem to know everything. I recently read an interesting book, The Invisible Gorilla, by Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons. In it they talked about something called “the illusion of knowledge.” This describes the tendency of people to think they know more than they really do. For example, almost everyone who drives a car would say they know how a car works, but they really don’t. It’s readily apparent when raising teenagers that we are all subject to the illusion of knowledge to one degree or another. When it comes to getting people to do what you want – and hopefully avoiding the dreaded “I know!” – I have a persuasion tip that can help. Here it is; stop making statements and start asking questions. Pretty simple and yet very effective. Questions are more effective when trying to persuade another person than making statements, because asking questions engages the principle of consistency. This principle of influence tells us people generally feel better about themselves when their words and deeds match. Psychologically it’s hard on most people when they appear inconsistent to others and as a result they feel bad. Have you ever had to back out on your word and felt bad? We all have and we sometimes feel a little bad even if our reversal is completely justified. We usually go to great lengths to avoid feeling bad so we live up to our word. When you ask someone a question and they say “yes,” social psychology studies show the likelihood that they’ll do what they said they would goes up significantly. And it’s not very hard to do. Here are some examples: Statement – I need the board report by Friday.
Question – Can you get me the board report by Friday? Statement – You need to empty the dishwasher.
Question – Will you empty the dishwasher? While it’s a simple concept it’s sometimes hard to put into practice. In fact, most of the principles of influence are easy to understand because people can easily recall a time when they unknowingly used a principle successfully or responded to someone who used a principle on them. However, knowing and doing are two different things and when I lead the Principles of Persuasion workshop, participants always struggle to actually put the principles into practice. My advice is to take some time periodically to think about how you’re communicating; analyze a conversation after the fact to see where you might have used some questions rather than making statements. Or better yet, before you hit the send button on your next email do a quick reread specifically to see where you could change statements to questions. I started this post talking about kids and the illusion of knowledge. While the point of this week’s article wasn’t the illusion of knowledge, reading about it triggered my thoughts for this post and I can highly recommend the book. One last thing to tell you, engaging consistency through questions will also make it much harder for your teenager to say “I know!” in response to your questions. If you’re like me that alone would be worth the price of admission. Brian, CMCT
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Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Will You Be Making New Year’s Resolutions?

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Will you be making New Year’s resolutions in a few days? If so, then you’ll want to read on IF you want to have a realistic shot at making those resolutions stick. I blogged about this last year, but with so many new readers and so many people making New Year’s resolutions I thought it would be good to revisit this topic.If you Google “New Year’s resolution” you’ll find it’s generally defined as a commitment someone makes to do something, or stop doing something, in order to better his/her life in some way. Here are some of the most popular New Year’s resolutions people make:

  • Spend more time with family
  • Lose weight
  • Start exercising
  • Quite smoking
  • Quit drinking
  • Get organized
  • Get out of debt

In one study, 52% of people making resolutions were confident of achieving them yet only 12% actually did so. The list above is admirable so why are these goals so hard to follow through on for the vast majority of people? There are probably as many reasons as there are resolutions but we don’t need to spend time on them because you’ve probably heard just about all of them…and perhaps even used a few yourselves! As I did last year, what I’ll do is share an approach that might help you PAVE the way for success in the New Year.

When I write or talk about the principles of influence it’s typically to help people get others to say “Yes!” to them. But that’s not what I’m going to share in this post. In the study of persuasion there’s a powerful motivator of behavior known as “consistency.” This principle says that people feel compelled to act in ways that are consistent with their beliefs and values as well as what they’ve said or done in the past. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and people perceive us in a more favorable light which adds to our authority.What I want to do is give you a way to tap into the principle of consistency that will motivate you to follow through on your New Year’s resolutions. Almost all resolutions involve forming or breaking habits so that means you have to start doing something regularly or stop doing something you’re currently doing. In either case the goal is to improve your life. We are going to take a look at consistency as it pertains to you and four simple ways to strengthen its use. These simple ideas will PAVE the way to your success because they’ll increase the odds that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s resolutions.

Public – Any time you make a public statement, whether verbally or in writing, you’re putting yourself on the line. The mere fact that another person knows your intention and might ask you how you’re coming along with your commitment is quite often enough motivation for people to follow through. Recommendation #1 – Share with another person or group of people, your New Year’s resolution and ask them to hold you accountable.Active – You have to actively do something. Merely thinking about a resolution but keeping it to yourself will lead to the same results as people who don’t make resolutions. In other words, nothing will change. This came to light in a study with a group of students who wanted to improve their grades. One group was asked to write their goals down, one group kept their goals in their heads and the last group had no specifics whatsoever. As you can imagine, the group with the written goals succeed, with nearly 90% of students increasing by a full letter grade! With the other two groups the results were almost identical. In each group fewer than 1 in 6 students improved a full letter grade. It’s worth noting, they were all given the same study materials. Recommendation #2 – Make sure you have to take some active step. It could be as simple as buying a book to help you learn more about the change you want to make.

Voluntary – This has to be YOUR goal, not someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something, like quite smoking, lose weight, or get in shape, it’s not likely your motivation will last if someone told you to do it. The goal has to come from you because if it’s forced on you it’s not likely your desire will last long. Samuel Butler said it best when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same opinion still.” Recommendation #3 – Make sure it’s something you want to do.

Effortful – It was noted above that you have to actively do something. In other words, making the commitment should require some effort on your part. In fact, the more effort, the more likely you are to succeed. Something as simple as writing down your resolution can make a difference, even if you don’t share it with anyone. But, taking the time to share it also fulfills the public requirement which gives you more bang for the buck! Dr. Robert Cialdini puts it this way, “People live up to what they write down.” Recommendation #4 – Commit pen to paper and you’ll increase your chance for success significantly.

None of what I just shared is new but I’m willing to bet many of you have not taken many, if any, of the four steps listed above. Sometimes all it takes is to see things in a new and different light for it to resonate. If you’ve been one to make resolutions in the past and fail, then give this different approach a try. If you fail again you’re no worse off but this change in approach might just work for you. Good luck and Happy New Year to all of you!By the way, my resolution, goal if you will, for 2011 is to drop some weight. I’ve not watched my diet lately and I’ve gotten our of shape so I’ll make a public, active, voluntary, effortful commitment to get down from 215 lbs to 195 lbs by April 20th. Anyone care to publicly jump in with me on some goal? If so just add your comment below.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Parenting Made Easier with Influence

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Today, December 6, is our daughter Abigail’s 15th birthday. I can still remember looking at her in the crib thinking, “I can’t believe she’s been with us a hundred days.” Wow, does time fly! In just over three years she’ll be heading off to college and no matter where you are in the world you might hear me crying because I’ll miss seeing her every day.

To say that raising Abigail has been one of the biggest joys in my life would be an understatement. The only person luckier than me will be the man who spends the rest of his life with her. She is beautiful, fun, intelligent, has a great sense of humor, thinks deeply, is athletic and so much more. Jane and I have been very fortunate because for the most part she’s been an easy kid to raise. However, I also know some of that ease has been due to good parenting and that’s the focus of this week’s post.

I’m no child psychologist or parenting expert by any means but I have learned enough about psychology to effectively use the principles of influence in the process of raising Abigail. I believe that’s been incredibly helpful so what I’d like to do is share a few things I’ve tried and hopefully it will stimulate some ideas for you.

Liking – It’s not our job to be Abigail’s friend but it’s no secret that if your kids like you they’ll be more apt to do what you ask. We go out of our way to make sure she knows how much she’s loved and that certainly helps us as parents. For a really good parenting idea check out my post on something we call Special Day.

Reciprocity – Most parents give kids an allowance and we’re no exception. An allowance however doesn’t engage reciprocity because it’s a reward, not a gift. To engage this principle you need to be the first to act.

One way I effectively used reciprocity this summer was to give Abigail a raise in her allowance before I asked anything of her. I didn’t say, “If you’ll cut the grass I’ll give you a raise,” because she would have declined (she hates cutting the grass!). What I did was give her a raise then about a week later asked her to cut the grass. She protested a little until I said, “Abigail, I gave you a raise in your allowance and didn’t ask you to do anything. Can’t you help me out?” She cut the grass.

Consensus – This one is always at play with teenagers but most of the time parents are fighting against it because of “peer pressure” and Jane and I are no different. Rather than go into detail on on how we’ve handle the pressure to conform I’ll refer you to the post I wrote on helping teens deal with peer pressure.

Authority – It’s always good to have an outside expert come to your aid. One situation that comes to mind is eating dinner together. It’s become all too common for families to not eat dinner together and when they do it’s often in front of the television. I won’t tell you we eat together every night but we do most evenings because we know it’s a great way to stay connected. Referring to a simple fact from an expert, like most happy families eat together, helps deflect the common question, “Can’t we eat in front of the TV?”Here’s a funny, but not totally ethical, story. When Abigail was very little she didn’t like certain foods and our pleading with her didn’t help. One day Jane acted like Abigail’s doctor was on the phone. As soon as she said, “Abigail, Dr. Klinger says you need to eat your vegetables,” she ate them. Not ethical but effective because even as a little girl she knew he was an authority.
Consistency – I spend a lot of time talking to Abigail and have ever since I can remember. When something we ask her to do goes well I make sure to point that out because it acts as a mile marker down the road. The reason I do that is because it makes the next request easier. For example, I can say, “Abigail, you know I love you right? And you know mom and I want you to be happy and have fun, right? Last time we asked you to do [fill in the blank] it turned out well, didn’t it?” See where I’m going with this? I’ve built on a series of consistent “Yes” responses to get her buy-in. She knows we love her, that we want her to enjoy life and know we’ve given good advice in the past. Reminding her of those things makes it easier for her to say “Yes” to whatever we’re asking of her currently.
Scarcity – We try not to pull the threat lever too often but that is a legitimate use of scarcity. As parents we’ve all had to say, “If you don’t [fill in the blank] you’ll lose the privilege to [fill in the blank].” I do think effectively using the other principles of influence greatly reduces the need to have those kinds of tough talks with your kids. One area I was able to use scarcity was with club volleyball last year. Abigail wasn’t big on the idea of playing but I let her know if she didn’t there was probably no way she’d make the high school team. Knowing she was going to a new school where she didn’t know anyone we all agreed being on the volleyball team would be a good way to start the high school experience. Although she would have rather done things other than club volleyball she went ahead and played.
Please don’t think that using the principles is a surefire guarantee to hear “Yes” every time because it’s not. What I can tell you with confidence is that your children will say “Yes” more often if you effectively use the principles of influence – and all of this is backed by science and the understanding of human psychology. I encourage you to give it a try. It’s made our lives easier and I know it can do the same for you.PS The reason for the 4:38 AM post this week is because that’s exactly when Abigail came into the world 15 years ago. Happy Birthday Abigail, Love Dad!!
Brian, CMCT
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Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

“People forget what you say, but they remember how you made them feel”

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Many of you reading have seen Sean Patrick’s name before because he’s written several posts for my Influencers from Around the World series. I asked Sean to write another post to generate interest because he’s in America this week. He’s visiting Columbus, to attend the Principles of Persuasion workshop I’m leading.If you’d like to meet Sean, stop by The Pub at Polaris at 6 p.m. on Friday October 8. In the meantime get to know a little about him by visiting his website, Sean Patrick Training, blog, Professional Persuader or just look him up on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter.
“People forget what you say, but they remember how you made them feel”
Warren BeattyPersuasion is defined by many as the ability to move a person or a group from one level of thought or abstraction to a level the person performing the persuasion wants to move them to. Aristotle, often regarded as the founding father of persuasion, devised a simple equation of how persuasion can be both defined and performed with the outcome of moving a person or a group from point A to point B.The process of persuasion, according to Aristotle, needed three elements in order for the movement of abstraction to happen. When these three elements are blended together, this then represents a potent mix of persuasive behavior. And what are the three elements?Pathos – Emotional appeal Ethos – Ethical, character and reputation Logos – Logical
Pathos relates purely to the emotions felt by the audience. As Aristotle put it, persuasion may come through the hearers when the speech stirs their emotions. In other words it is essential to appeal to the emotions felt by your listeners in order to be persuasive. You need EMPATHY.
Ethos related to the speaker and his or her character as revealed through the communication. For the message to be believable there has to be a source of credibility which is something that exists in the minds of the listeners. So it’s the trustworthiness that the speaker has in the eyes of the audience. It relates to the person and refers to the sincerity that exudes from the individual.
Logos refers to the actual words used by the speaker. Choice of words and use of stories, quotations and facts are important in moving the audiences over to your point of view.
I think it’s a great idea to take a look at ourselves and the way we present ourselves to the world. Do we use all three of these elements? Notice how other people present and broadcast their thoughts and ideas. More importantly look for those around you who use all three of these elements and model their behavior. Look at these people as a benchmark for your own communication style. It’ll be worth the effort.
When we look around today, pathos and logos mean nothing when a politician speaks. For example, do we believe the politicians when they tell us that our young men and women need to leave for some distant shore and potentially give up their lives for the good of the country? How about when tax increases are said to be necessary because the banks need more liquidity? Conversely this same rule applies to every other aspect of our lives and notably our personal relationships.
Aristotle’s pathos defines empathy toward the people we share our lives with either directly or indirectly. Showing empathy is a way of providing proof that we both “understand and know how it feels.” And showing this ability to perceive the true feelings of other people that you deal with is at the heart of every successful relationship.
Empathy is the ability to identify and understand the other person’s feelings, ideas and situation. It’s listening with your heart as well as your head; i.e., the ability to read emotions in others. Many people who train in the art of persuasion today, or even people who are professional persuaders prefer to use the term “connection” where empathy is concerned. Empathy is based largely on trust and before this can happen we move to ethos – source credibility or proving sincerity towards an individual or group.
This is essential if any form of persuasion is going to take place in today’s world where people have become increasingly suspicious and have developed a hardened sense of skepticism towards advertising and politics specifically. Sincerity is what allows us to attain a level of trust between people and without this process every other element in Aristotle’s model of persuasion is nullified.
Some people will emit trustworthiness more easily than others and this has been validated by the research of Dr. Robert Cialdini, as illustrated in his persuasion principle known as “Commitment and Consistency.” This is where we grow accustomed to a person because his/her actions are consistent with how we expect him/her to perform, which in turn allows us to trust this person and grow to like them. In essence the more supportive you are, the more a person will allow their true inner feelings, thoughts, desires and fears to surface. And this is a two-way street;the more we are deemed to be trustworthy towards another person the deeper and more personal will be the feelings, thoughts and desires that the person shares with you.
In NLP this is known as “going there first,” specifically within a therapeutic sense, whereby the practitioner will demonstrate empathy and sincerity by going into a genuine state so the client can then follow along and open up to a much deeper level. This same principle applies to every aspect of our lives; it is how we are wired as humans.
These core qualities have recently been highlighted as being “emotionally intelligent.” Having empathy and sincerity are the two things alone which will make you stand out as a persuasion artist even more so than brushing up on technique or presentation of your communication style. If you cannot get to the core of this principle nothing else will ever work. Our interpersonal skill is our ability to understand and act out with other people how they feel, their likes and dislikes and their motivations. The person with this ability can almost predict how others will act and is therefore able to interact with them effectively and be very persuasive. When we look around us we notice how politicians, sales people, hypnotherapists and people who outwardly social animals have this innate sense of developed intelligence.
Sean
Again, if you’d like to meet Sean stop by and see us Friday evening at The Pub at Polaris. Until then, cheers!Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”

An Exercise in Awareness

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Click on the picture below to watch a short YouTube video
then we’ll continue on.

If you’re like most people you were probably floored by all that went on in the video that you missed! I know I was first time I watched it. The video is a great exercise in awareness and focus.

I have to confess, I’m not always the most aware guy and this occasionally bites me in my marriage. Many years ago I went to a “gallery hop” art show with my wife. Not exactly my cup of tea but I was trying to be the dutiful husband and act interested. When I saw a painting style I recognized (Monet) I said to Jane, “We have a painting by that guy don’t we?” She said, “We have that painting.” Surprised I replied, “Really?” Jane proceeded to tell me the painting was at the top of the stairs in our house…and had been there about three years! Ooops! Better keep my mouth closed next time.One of my favorite questions to ask when training is this, “Has anyone bought a new car in the past couple of years?” As you would expect there are usually several people who raise their hand. Then I pick someone for a simple follow up question, “What kind of car did you get?”Let’s suppose they say, “I bought a Ford Mustang.” Next I’ll ask, “After you bought the car, did you notice more Mustangs on the road in the days and weeks following your purchase?” You know the answer to that question, a resounding yes. I’ve never had someone tell me they didn’t notice their new car on the road more after getting it.What do you suppose changed? Could it be that there just happened to be a rush on Mustangs at that moment in time? Of course not! The only thing that changed was the buyers’ awareness of that type of car. I use that simple truth to get them to realize they get what they look for.How does this tie into influence? In two basic ways. First, your lack of awareness when it comes to the principles of influence means you’re missing opportunities that could help you hear that one word we all long for when making requests of other people – “Yes!”The more you come to understand the principles of reciprocity, liking, consensus, authority, consistency, and scarcity the more you’ll become aware of all the opportunities to ethically use them when interacting with people. With enough practice you’ll even find yourself using them almost without thinking.The second way awareness ties into influence is protection. That’s right, protection. Let’s face it, there are lots of people out there who understand this stuff but may not be constrained by ethics. I bet every one of you reading this can think of a time where a salesman manipulated you to buy something. Or maybe unethical influence was used on you by someone who took advantage of you in a relationship. What do you think about politicians and manipulation?My point is this; there are many people out there whose livelihood depends on getting you and others like you to say yes. It’s a sad fact that many more than we’d like to admit will do whatever they can to move ahead. Your understanding of the principles of influence is a first line of defense from being taken advantage of.I hope this was an enlightening little experiment for you; an “ah ha” moment perhaps. If you continue to read Influence PEOPLE I guarantee your eyes will be open to new possibilities and you’ll be more aware when it comes to those who seek to take advantage of you. Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”