Tag Archive for: influence

Reverse Psychology and the Vacation Bathing Suit

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This week’s post is more of a funny story and I’ll be honest, it was a bit unethical on my part. Having confessed that, I think you’ll appreciate the humor in it, particularly if you’ve been married for any length of time. The timing is also appropriate as we get ready for another family vacation.

Several years ago, while getting ready to go on vacation, my wife Jane was looking for a new bathing suit and she was brave enough to take me and Abigail along. Mind you, shopping is not high on my list of fun activities but I thought it would be great to have some say in her picking out a new bathing suit. After all, I’m the one who will look at it most, so I was happy to go along for the ride.

After stopping at several stores she finally found one that had several suits she considered worth trying on. She brought three suits into the ladies dressing room as Abigail and I waited patiently outside. When she appeared in the first suit, a one piece polka dotted suit that was high cut on the sides, I thought, “Wow!” So she asked, “Do you like this one?” to which I replied, “Yea, I like it a lot!” She said, “Really? I don’t like the cut.” She went on to say a few more negative things about the bathing suit and my heart sank like a rock tossed into a pond.

Next she came out in another one piece suit, a royal blue one. I like royal blue but didn’t like how it looked so when she asked if I liked it I told her I didn’t. As fate would have it she began to tell us why she liked it more than the first suit. Damn!

Guys might relate to this more than the women, but it seems like whatever I like, at least when it comes to clothing, my wife doesn’t like! It’s as if she asks my opinion to verify in her own mind that her initial choice was right. Knowing this I turned to Abigail and said, “Pay attention because you’re going to learn about reverse psychology!”

She came out in the third suit which she immediately said she didn’t like. I dutifully agreed then said, “You know, I was thinking about it and I kind of like that second suit.” Surprised, Jane said, “Really? I kind of like the first suit.” “No, get the second suit,” I insisted. Now she was set on getting the first suit…AND I WON…FINALLY!

When we got in the car Abigail, only 10 years old at the time, blurted out, “Mom, dad did reverse psychology on you! He didn’t like the second suit, he liked the first one. He only said he’d liked the second suit so you’d get the first one.” Jane looked at me and asked, “You really didn’t like the second suit?” Then I confessed and she asked why. “Whatever I like you don’t seem to like and I really liked the first suit. If I’d insisted that you get that one you would not have bought it.”

Okay, I wasn’t totally ethical so I don’t suggest you try it. However, I must say, it was a fun little experiment which made for a great story. Oh, and one more thing, Jane looked great on vacation! ; )

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

“Because I said so!” Mom (or Dad)

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You may not be aware of how your mom and dad conditioned you to simply comply with other people’s requests but I’m here to tell you they did. Unknowingly, all mom and dad did was use a single word, the same word their parents probably used on them, and you were set up to be more compliant. What word am I talking about? “Because!”

While “because” makes you “fall in line,” it can actually help you get to the front of the line. A behavioral scientist named Ellen Langer conducted a study in which people standing in line at a copier machine were approached by a stranger who asked, “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?” Nearly two out of three people (60%) generously allowed the person to go in front of them. Later the person conducting the experiment approached the copier line and asked unsuspecting people, “May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush.” Hearing she was in a rush, nearly everyone, 94%, told the experimenter she could get in front of them.

Of course if someone is in a rush we might be more generous but the question is this – was it due to being “in a rush” or could it have been something else that caused those people to say “Yes”? Back at it one more time the experimenter asked, “May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make copies?” You’d think people might have denied that request saying, or at least thinking, “We’re all in line to make copies so wait your turn like everybody else!” After all, her was reason irrelevant…and still, 93% of the people let her go ahead! There was virtually no difference in response between a valid and bogus reason when “because” was used.

The social psychologists think we don’t pay attention the reason given because we are so conditioned by the word “because” that we hardly pay attention what comes next. Again, think about your parents when you questioned them about why you had to do something. I’ll bet quite often you heard (and might say to your kids), “Because I said so!”

So how does this understanding impact you? Two ways come to mind. First, it can help you protect yourself. Don’t mindlessly comply with a request without giving thought to the reason you’re being asked to do something. If you don’t you may just find yourself doing something you wished you would not have done.

The second way you can use “because” is to be more persuasive. When my daughter Abigail was younger she used to ask me (she’s a teenager now and doesn’t seem to ask as much any more) what I did at work. I’d share things I thought she’d find interesting and things I felt would really help her some day. Once during a conversation I shared the copier study and told her, “Abigail, whenever you ask someone to do something, always say ‘because’ and give them a reason. If you do that more people will say ‘Yes’ to you.”

Here’s the really cool thing. Some time ago, long after that conversation, Abigail and I were w
atching American Idol and the latest American Idol CD was about to hit stores. Ryan Seacrest was promoting the CD outside a music store where there was a long line. Smart producers were using consensus to get you to believe everyone wanted to buy the new Idol CD. As Ryan would talk about the CD he would try to make his way into the line but each time people motioned him farther back. Eventually he was at the very end of the line with a disappointed look on his face. Out of nowhere Abigail blurts out, “He should have said ‘because.’” I looked surprised and replied, “What?” She said, “Dad, don’t you remember the copier story?”

Wow! I have no clue why some stories stick with kids and other stories don’t but I was sure glad that one stuck because it’s a life skill that will serve her well. It will serve you well too, if you look for ways to use your new understanding of “because.” You know how I know, because the science tells me so…and you can believe that reason!

To let me know what you thought of this week’s posting click on the comments link below and share your thoughts.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

The World’s Most Cited Living Social Psychologist

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In several past blogs I’ve mentioned the name Dr. Robert Cialdini. I thought it would be helpful to let you know more about him for several reasons. First, Dr. Cialdini’s work is the basis for most of what I have shared and will continue to share in this blog.

Obviously having a doctorate gives him lots of credibility but I thought you should know more because he’s the Tiger Woods of his field. He is billed as the world’s most frequently cited living social psychologist.

I met Dr. Cialdini in the summer of 2004 when he was a guest speaker at State Auto. His presentations to our agents on the ethical use of influence were some of the best received ever. Later that year I attended his two-day Principles of Persuasion workshop. His work in the area of ethical influence became the basis for much of the sales training I have conducted since that time.

In January 2008 I had the privilege of spending a week with Dr. Cialdini, Dr. Gregory Neidert and other members of the Influence at Work staff when I earned my CMCT (Cialdini Method Certified Trainer) designation. That week-long training, which concluded with a rather rigorous test (he is a professor after all!), allowed me to earn my CMCT designation. Currently there are only about two dozen active CMCTs world-wide. That certification allows me to conduct Dr. Cialdini’s Principles of Persuasion workshop, which I’ve been doing the past year and a half with State Auto managers and supervisors.

So what’s the big deal about Dr. Cialdini compared to other social psychologists? As I alluded to earlier, he’s recognized as the undisputed leader in his field. If you happened to have read the Time Magazine article “How Obama is Using the Science of Change” you might recall the opening paragraph mentioning “a world-famous team of scientists, psychologists and economists.” The first person quoted in the next paragraph was Dr. Cialdini, the most famous of the world-famous team!
His book Influence: Science and Practice, now on its 5th edition, has sold more than million copies. And, the book recently received an incredible endorsement when it was named the best marketing book of all time in a book entitled The 100 Best Business Books of All-Time. Wow!
Dr. Cialdini recently co-authored Yes: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be More Persuasive along with Dr. Noah Goldstein and Steve Martin. Yes focuses on real world, every day things you can do to be more persuasive. I highly recommend the book.
What I love about teaching ethical influence is its versatility. By that I mean, when you learn about persuasion and adjust your communication style accordingly it will help you be more successful in your career, you’ll negotiate better deals when you’re the customer, and it can even help you be a better spouse or parent. Bottom line, it can help you be more effective and successful in all your relationships.
If you have any doubt about the impact of social psychology and influence then consider this recent example. My daughter Abigail and I were at the Polaris Mall on Saturday and we noticed what looked like a book signing in front of Waldenbooks. We slowed down long enough to see the name of the book which was The Christian Athlete. I told Abigail I didn’t recognize the man behind the counter, who I assumed was the author. A man at the end of the line heard me said, “I’m not sure what it is but it must be good because there’s a line.”
That man’s comment tracks right along with one of Dr. Cialdini’s six principles of influence – consensus. I’ve mentioned consensus (also referred to as “social proof“) before – it’s the psychological principle which tells us people look to others for clues on how they should act. For the man at the end of the line, the simple fact that many people were in line meant something good awaited him so he joined the crowd. If you take a look at last week’s posting, “Make Your Next Event the One Everybody Attends,” you’ll see how consensus can help, or hurt, your efforts when it comes to promoting a product or gathering.

 

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Make Your Next Event the One Everybody Attends

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As a kid I remember my mom saying things come in threes. I don’t know if there’s any scientific validity to that but it always seemed like famous people died in sets of three. Right or wrong, superstition or coincidence, what my mom said stuck with me. So, when I recently noticed three similar things occurring in a relatively short period of time I thought I should write about it in this week’s blog.

What I’m going to share might just help your next event be a little more successful, and a little better attended, because of the power of persuasion.

A good friend asked me to review an invitation she was getting ready to send for an upcoming webinar. Part of the invitation read as follows:

“Registration limited to only 20 organizational teams, and 4 teams have already signed up.”

Mentioning the limited seating was good use of the principle of scarcity because people are motivated to act when things they want appear to be limited, rare or dwindling. The fact that only 20 teams would get to participate should motivate people to sign up rather quickly so they won’t miss out on what could be a great learning opportunity.

However, mentioning only four teams had signed up was working against my friend because it was not a motivator to sign up. In fact, it was a demotivator because it goes counter to another principle of influence known as consensus.
Consensus is the name for the psychological principle that tells us people look to others when deciding what actions to take, especially when they’re not quite sure what to do. With kids we call it “peer pressure” but that same psychological pressure is at work on us as adults, too. If we see many people, or people similar to ourselves, doing something, we tend believe it’s probably the right thing to do and quite often we go along with the crowd. If you don’t believe that then ask yourself why you stood up last time there was a standing ovation for some event that really, you didn’t particularly care for.
Consensus can help motivate people to action but it can also work in reverse. If we don’t see many people doing something then we might not be inclined to do it either. For example, talking about what a shame it is that so many people don’t vote only legitimizes not voting in the minds of many people. As far as my friend’s invitation, although four registered teams before the official invitation went out was a good thing, my advice was to change the wording, or remove it altogether, because people receiving the invitation might see that as a lack of participation and decide not to sign up.
At the beginning of this week’s posting I said three things came to my attention so here are the other two. These were also invitations to public events but they differed slightly from the previous example. When I went to sign up for these events there was a section at the bottom of each registration page with a list of attendees. Because I went to the registration sites as soon as I got the email invitations I noticed there were no attendees listed on either Web page. Falling back on my understanding of consensus I knew that was not going to motivate anyone to sign up and could actually be a deterrent.
As I’ve been writing this I just saw another invitation, this for a networking event, and 53 were signed up to attend and another 21 were interested. Those numbers will most likely entice others to join the crowd.
Consider this for just a moment; what would you think if you went to register for some event you thought was going to be a big deal but only saw a couple of people on the guest list? You might not feel the event will be worth your time. So here’s my suggestion; if you use Web sites that allow you to show people who’ve registered, don’t show the list until some critical mass is achieved. Otherwise it will probably work against you. Doing this might just make your next event the one everybody wants to attend!
I welcome your feedback so click on the comments link below and let me know what you thought of this week’s article.
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Cruising along with Influence

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With influence we’re focusing on Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. How exactly can we do that? My wife and I are going on a cruise this week so I can share a couple of real examples from cruises we went on in the past.

Many years ago while cruising we had a full day at sea which meant all the action was going to be poolside that day. Knowing that, we arrived at the pool early so we could get couple of lounge chairs and save a few seats for some fellow State Auto employees. Success was ours as we landed several lounge chairs right next to the pool!

Late morning we decided to go play a bingo ticket because it was potentially worth $5000. The odds of winning were slim but scarcity, the fear of losing out on the chance for the big prize, motivated us to go to the bingo area and play the odds.
We were gone approximately 30-45 minutes and when we got back to the pool, low and behold, people were laying on our chairs! I politely asked them to move because they were sitting in our chairs but they refused. I reminded them the clothes, books and other items they’d put at the foot of the chairs were ours and they were obvious indicators the chairs were being used.
They refused to move and the young pool attendant would not help us out because he said we’d been gone more than 30 minutes. Without going into more detail, suffice it to say, the exchange that took place about the loss of the poolside chairs pretty much ruined our afternoon.

So what’s this have to do with persuasion? Plenty, because after learning about persuasion we were able to avoid a repeat performance. The following year we were facing the same situation, a day at sea which meant another early trip to the pool. As we enjoyed the morning a young couple took one of the last lounge chairs available which happened to be next to us. While the wife leisurely stretched out and enjoyed the sun her husband was relegated to sitting at the foot of the lounger as he read his book.

When lunch rolled around we wanted to go to the schooner lounge to eat. Leary of coming back to no chairs I turned to the young couple as asked, “Would you mind watching our things because we want to grab some lunch?” As any nice couple would, they agreed.

Because I understood the psychology of persuasion I knew I’d tapped into something called consistency. Consistency is the psychological pressure we all feel when it comes to our words and deeds. When we give our word we feel good about ourselves when we keep it. How do you think that young couple would have felt if we’d come back to find strangers sunning on our chairs? If they’re like most people they’d feel bad. I was banking on the fact that no one wants to feel that way and it would prompt them to take appropriate actions to ensure the chairs were waiting for us when we returned.

After they agreed to watch our chairs I told the young man he was welcome to stretch out on one of our chairs while we were gone, which he was eager to do. Now that I’d given him something I’d engaged reciprocity, the psychological principle where we feel obligated to give back to someone who’s given us something. Because I’d given him use of our chairs I knew he’d be even more likely make sure no one tried to take our place.

I got a double whammy for my efforts because I engaged consistency and reciprocity. What you’ll find is quite often it’s possible to bring multiple influence principles to bear in a situation and when you can do so it significantly increases the odds of hearing someone say “Yes” when you make a request.

As you might expect, we enjoyed our lunch and returned to the pool later to find our lounge chairs waiting for us which made for a great afternoon! These are the types of real world application I plan to share as you continue this persuasion journey with me. I welcome your feedback so just click on the comments link below to let me know what you thought of this week’s article.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.