The Principle of Influence that Informs All Others

Is there one principle of influence that’s more important than the rest? I’ve come to believe there is—and that principle is liking.

I often tell clients, “People won’t buy from you just because they like you, but they’ll almost never buy from you if they don’t.” Unless you offer something truly unique—something no one else can provide—you’d better start by building relationships. And relationships begin with liking.

The Importance of Liking

The reason liking stands out is because it informs and amplifies every other principle of influence. It’s the bridge that connects you to others in meaningful, trustworthy ways.

Dr. Robert Cialdini’s research shows we like people who:

1. Are similar to us – Find genuine points of similarity and talk about them. This is powerful because we like people we see as similar to ourselves.
2. Give sincere compliments – When you notice the good in others, and express it authentically, they not only feel good about themselves—they feel good about you.
3. Cooperate toward shared goals – When people work together and succeed together, mutual respect and liking grow naturally.

Once liking is established, the other principles of influence—reciprocity, authority, social proof, consistency, scarcity, and unity—become far easier to apply ethically and effectively.

How Liking Informs the Other Principles

Reciprocity
The more you know someone, the more you can customize your giving in ways that matter to the other person. Reciprocity isn’t about giving to get—it’s about giving meaningfully. When people feel seen and valued, their natural impulse is to give back.

Authority
We don’t just follow experts—we follow experts we trust. Liking paves the way for that trust because we naturally trust our friends. When someone trusts you and sees your competence, your credibility is boosted.

Social Proof
People are influenced by those who are similar to them. When you truly know the person you are trying to influence, you can reference examples and testimonials from people they can relate to. That sense of “they’re like me” strengthens persuasion.

Consistency
This principle works through alignment. The better you know someone’s hopes, dreams, and values, the more naturally you can connect your ideas to what already matters to them. People feel good saying “yes” when it’s consistent with who they are and what they believe.

Scarcity
This principle is often misused through fear tactics. But when you understand what someone values, you can ethically highlight what they stand to lose by not acting—without manipulation. They trust that you’re helping them protect what matters most.

Unity
Liking goes to a deeper level with unity. It’s not just “I like you,” but “I am like you.” My dad, a Marine, would do anything for another Marine—because their shared identity created instant connection. When you invest time to know people deeply, that’s when you can discover the unity that transform relationships into shared bonds.

From Transactional to Relational

Engaging these principles isn’t just about getting a “yes.” Of course, “yes” is important for your professional success and personal happiness—but when you build liking the right way, your motive shifts. You genuinelywant what’s best for the other person. I want what’s best for my friends. Don’t you?

That’s where influence becomes ethical and eternal. When someone knows you care, they’re far more open to what you propose because, deep down, we all believe friends do right by friends.

Liking doesn’t negate the other principles; it amplifies them! Sometimes another principle—say, scarcity or authority—might drive the decision. But liking opens the door for every principle to work more powerfully and authentically.

In the end, the more you focus on building genuine connections, the more influence you’ll have—and the more those interactions will feel meaningful, not manipulative.

Influenced from Above

If you’d like to explore how faith and influence intersect, I encourage you to read my latest book, Influenced from Above: Where Faith and Influence Meet, available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other online retailers.

Special Bonus!

Email BookLaunch@influencepeople.biz with the title of chapter and I’ll send you a free eBook copy of The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness as a thank you.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn