Arouse an Eager Want: Give People a Reason to Care

Have you ever had someone to say yes to you but still found yourself chasing them down to follow through?

The employee agrees in the meeting. The prospect asks for a proposal. Your teenager says, “Okay.” But nothing happens.

Sometimes the missing ingredient is a reason that matters to them.

Dale Carnegie encouraged readers to “arouse in the other person an eager want.” His advice remains useful whether you’re leading a team, selling a service, or trying to get your kids to take responsibility.

An eager want often serves as motivation to act. Pressure may get things moving but when people see how an action serves something they care about, they have their own reason to keep going.

So how do you help someone want to act?

Start with their Motivation

In sales, we joke that everyone’s favorite radio station is WIIFM: “What’s In It For Me?” It’s a useful reminder because we often explain requests through our own priorities.

• “We need to hit our numbers.”
• “I need this finished by Friday.”
• “I want you to take this training.”

Those may be legitimate needs, but what does the other person hear that makes them want to help?

You might be motivated by a promotion. Someone else wants more flexibility. You enjoy public recognition. A colleague prefers a quiet thank-you and an opportunity to do meaningful work.

Never forget; Your motivation won’t automatically motivate someone else. You need to ask questions:

• “What would you like to accomplish?”
• “What’s making your work harder than it needs to be?”
• “What would make this worth your time?”

Then listen for a genuine connection between what they want and what you’re proposing.

Principles of Influence to Make the Connection

Consistency: Connect the action to something they already value.

People generally want their actions to align with their values, priorities, and commitments.

Suppose an employee has told you they want to lead a team. You need someone to coordinate a project involving several departments.

You could say, “I need you to manage this.”

Or you could say, “You mentioned wanting leadership experience. This project would give you practice bringing people together and keeping work on track. Would you like to discuss taking the lead?”

The assignment now connects to a goal the employee expressed.

The same approach works in sales. “You said reducing the time your team spends correcting errors is a priority. Let’s look at whether this would help you accomplish that.”

The connection must be real. Someone’s earlier words are an invitation to understand them, not a way to corner them.

Scarcity: Explain what they could miss.

People tend to value opportunities more when availability is limited or something meaningful could be lost. However, “Act now!” means little if the opportunity doesn’t matter to the person hearing it.

Imagine that employee wants leadership experience and you genuinely have one opening in a mentoring program. “You said you’d value learning from a senior leader. There’s one spot available in the next group, and enrollment closes Friday. Would you like the details?”

Think of it this way: Consistency explains why the opportunity matters. Scarcity explains why the timing matters.

Be specific about real limits and what could be missed. Invented deadlines and exaggerated consequences undermine trust.

Before your next request, pause to ask yourself:

• What has this person told me matters to them?
• How does my request help them move toward it?
• Is there a genuine opportunity they could miss by waiting?

If you can’t answer those questions, start with a conversation.

Carnegie’s advice begins with curiosity. You have to understand what someone wants before you can help them see a reason to act.

Think of someone you’re trying to motivate right now. Could you explain why taking action matters to them using their words?

Your next conversation might go better if you begin there.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling and Influenced from Above were Amazon new release bestsellers. His LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 850,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!