Think Before Posting: Avoiding Online Beat Downs

As an April Fool’s baby, I’ve often joked, “I may be a fool, but I’m not stupid.” Yet, wisdom doesn’t always come with age, and I’ve made my share of mistakes along the way—one of which taught me a powerful lesson in online communication.

Two Fights, 10 Losses

I’ve only been in two physical fights in my life, but I jokingly tell people I’m 0-10 because so many guys beat me up. Both times—in my early 20s—my emotions got the best of me, fueled by some cheap beer, and I jumped into situations I had no business being in. It turns out that no matter how big and strong you are, when you don’t know how to fight, size doesn’t matter much.

Reflecting on those losses, I’d like to think I’ve learned my lesson about letting emotions dictate my actions. Not long after dipping my toe into blogging and social media, I found myself in another kind of fight—an online one. And this time, the bruises weren’t physical but were humbling, nonetheless.

The Online Beat Down

It all started when a friend shared a link to a website. Curious, I visited and was struck by what I read. The author seemed to extol arrogance as a virtue, which reminded me of Gordon Gekko’s infamous line from Wall Street: “Greed is good.” Except, this time, it was arrogance being celebrated at the expense of humility.

Feeling strongly about this, I posted a comment. In retrospect, my opening line was antagonistic:

“Wow! It’s good to know there’s someone out there so much wiser than all the great thinkers of history who espouse the virtue of humility.”

While I believed my point was valid, I was not prepared for the backlash that followed. Instead of sparking a meaningful discussion, I was met with a wave of negative responses. My character was called into question, and I was painted as some kind of villain. One person even suggested that my issue with humility was a sign of deeper personal problems. Ouch!

Lessons Learned

This experience made me take a step back and reconsider how I approach online interactions. As someone who teaches the art of persuasion and effective communication, I realized that I hadn’t followed my own advice. Here are the key lessons I learned:

Pick Your Battles Wisely: Not every argument is worth engaging in. Sometimes, it’s apparent that you won’t change the other person’s mind, and it’s pointless to waste time and energy. A wise friend once said that arguing with some people is like teaching a pig to sing—it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Check Your Emotions: Humility doesn’t need me to defend it. Reacting emotionally rather than responding thoughtfully can lead to trouble. It’s better to pause, think, and then decide whether to engage.
Be Tactful: My opening line didn’t invite dialogue; it was antagonistic. Had I framed my comment differently, it might have led to a more productive conversation.

Think Before You Post

Experience is often the best teacher, but some lessons are better learned without having to experience the pain firsthand. I’ve shared this story not to dwell on the specifics of the online debate but to encourage you to think before you post. The online world can be a minefield, and it’s easy to say something that gets taken the wrong way.

In today’s fast-paced digital environment, where communication is instantaneous and often emotionally charged, it’s crucial to pause and consider the impact of our words. Whether you’re commenting on a post, replying to an email, or engaging in a debate, remember that your words have power. Use them wisely. This is especially true with the heated political environment we’re in with election 2024 less than 100 days away.

Call to Action

What about you? Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation where you acted on emotion and later regretted it? How do you handle online interactions when emotions run high? Let’s discuss in the comments below. Your insights might just help someone avoid an online “beat down” of their own.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!