Doing the Opposite Can Make You More Influential – part 1

Are you a Seinfeld fan? If so, you’ll likely remember The Opposite, one of the most iconic episodes of the series. In it, George Costanza decides that every instinct he’s ever had has been wrong. With nothing to lose, on the encouragement of Jerry and Elaine, he decides to start doing the opposite of his instincts. Surprisingly, life starts working quite well for George and he gets a date!

This comedic gem points to an interesting paradox in influence and persuasion: often, our instinctive approaches backfire. Here are three common mistakes — and how a counterintuitive, science-backed approach can help you ethically and effectively influence others. And stay tuned next week for three more.

1. Stop Trying So Hard to Be Liked

It makes sense to want people to like you — after all, we prefer to do business with those we like. Yet, trying too hard comes off as desperate and often repels people.

Do the opposite: Instead of trying to get others to like you, focus on liking them. Take a genuine interest in their lives, find commonalities, and give sincere compliments. This shift in mindset makes connections natural and effortless because liking is reciprocal: people like those who like them.

Your Influence Tip: Next time you’re networking, ask questions to uncover shared experiences or values. Let others feel seen and heard.

2. Rewards Aren’t Always Rewarding

Rewards are everywhere in business: hit a goal, earn a bonus; cut costs, keep a share of savings. But rewards often come with unintended consequences, like short-term thinking or gaming the system.

Do the opposite: Leverage the principle of reciprocity. Instead of dangling a reward after someone acts, give a small, unexpected gift upfront. Studies show that upfront gifts inspire people to reciprocate in bigger ways.

For example, in one study, contractors were given either a $5 upfront gift or a promised $50 reward to complete a survey. The upfront $5 more than doubled response rates and cost 57% less. That’s a winning formula for any business!

Your Influence Tip: Look for opportunities to give. Small, thoughtful gestures can be far more motivating than rewards that feel transactional. 

3. Drop the Shame Game

Ever see posts like this on social media? “97% of people won’t have the guts to share this. Will you?” It’s intended to inspire action for a worthy cause, but it actually normalizes inaction.

Do the opposite: Highlight positive trends or actions others like them are taking (leveraging social proof). For example, if you have a new product, you might say, “Six of the last eight clients saw the value and jumped on board.” People trust trends — and often believe they’ll continue.

Your Influence Tip: Avoid shaming language. Instead, point to the positive behavior others are modeling and people are more likely to follow their lead.

An Irresistible Opportunity for You

Decades of behavioral research show that common-sense approaches to influence in sales and marketing don’t always lead to success. When you embrace the counterintuitive principles of persuasion, you get better results with less effort.

Want to learn more strategies that are sure to boost your results? Join my Cialdini Community today and unlock these free gifts taught by the “Godfather of influence” Dr. Robert Cialdini:

  • Persuasion Power Course: Boost your influence skills immediately.
  • Certified Practitioner Program Trial: A sneak peek at our flagship training.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to up your influence skills and make a bigger impact. Click here to get started.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 650,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!



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