Lived Experience Is an N of 1

What if your experience isn’t the whole story?

I’ve been reflecting a lot on the phrase “lived experience.” It’s a term that’s showing up in the news and social media—and for good reason. Our individual experiences shape our beliefs, decisions, and how we show up in the world. But there’s a subtle danger in putting too much weight on one person’s story—especially when it comes to how we influence others.

No two people are the same. Not even identical twins. Despite sharing DNA, they encounter different people, moments, and meaning throughout their lives. And they interpret those experiences differently, too. The same could be said for experiences in one society versus another or one station in life as opposed to another (i.e. younger vs. older)

One of my favorite perspectives on this comes from C.S. Lewis. In Mere Christianity he shares the story of a British pilot who said he didn’t need theology because he had “experienced God alone in the desert.” Lewis acknowledged that experience is deeply personal and can feel more “real” than anything written in a book.

But he made a brilliant comparison. He said that someone standing on a beach, staring at the Atlantic, has a vivid personal experience of the ocean. But what if you want to navigate that ocean? You’re better off with a map—a tool that compiles thousands of observations over time.

That’s what research gives us. That’s what big data does. And when it comes to influence, we need both—the beach and the map.

The Risk of Relying on a Single Experience

It’s tempting to try an influence technique, get a surprising result, and think, “See? That doesn’t work in the real world.” Or the opposite—you use an approach that contradicts research, but somehow it works once, so you keep doing it.

Here’s the thing: Just because it worked for you once doesn’t make it universal.

Let me put it this way—your Aunt Mabel might’ve smoked two packs a day and lived to 102. That doesn’t mean you should fire up packs of Marlboro and see what happens.

That’s what we call an n of 1—one person, one outcome, and no guarantees it’ll happen again.

In the same way, someone might try a research-backed approach to influence—like social proof or reciprocity—and have it fall flat. That doesn’t mean the approach is flawed. It just means people are complex. Variables shift. Timing matters.

But if you had a chance to increase your success rate by 10%, 20%, maybe even 30%, wouldn’t it be worth testing a more proven path?

Real-World Influence Is Rooted in Research

In my books—Influence PEOPLE, Persuasive Selling, and The Influencer—I talk a lot about the importance of scientific principles when it comes to ethically influencing people.

Research doesn’t promise perfection. It doesn’t mean we always get the outcome we want. But it gives us the best odds—the most reliable patterns for behavior change, decision-making, and persuasion.

Even Dr. Robert Cialdini, the most cited living social psychologist on the science of influence (and my mentor), doesn’t always get his way. Why? Because people are still people. We’re not robots. We have histories, preferences, and hang-ups.

That’s why I remind people in my workshops and courses: influence isn’t a magic wand. But it is a multiplier. It moves more people in your direction more often. And that’s powerful and important for your success and happiness.

Small Shifts Create Big Outcomes

Let’s ground this in reality.

If you’re a salesperson closing 3 out of 10 deals, and influence principles help you move that to 4 out of 10—that’s a 33% increase in results!

If voter turnout in an election goes from 65% to 70% because of an effective influence strategy to get out the vote, that seemingly “small” swing could change the outcome.

These aren’t massive, life-overhauling transformations. They’re small bigs, intentional nudges that lead to meaningful, measurable change.

Your Lived Experience Matters—But So Does Learning

Your life experience has shaped you. It’s real. It’s valid. But what if it’s also limited?

What if your “truth” is actually an outlier?
What if something you dismissed as ineffective was just missing the right context or delivery?

That’s why I encourage professionals to look beyond their own experience—to be curious about the science, not just the stories.

Experience can be a harsh teacher. If I want my grandson Emmett to avoid getting burned, I don’t want him to experience it for himself. I want him to learn from me, from his parents, from thousands of years of other people’s hard-earned wisdom.

Influence works the same way.

Let your lived experience inform you—but let research guide you.

Conclusion

Have you ever had an “n of 1” experience that shaped your beliefs about persuasion, leadership, or success?

👉 Have you ever written something off because it didn’t work once?
👉 Or doubled down on something risky because it worked once?

I’d love to hear your stories because together, we’re building something bigger than one perspective. We can build a map or create a theology.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 750,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!