Please Stop Trying to Persuade Me

You probably didn’t expect me, a guy who teaches influence for a living, to write, “Please stop trying to persuade me.” I write that because not every conversation has to revolve around convincing, influencing, or persuading someone to your way of thinking.

If you went out to dinner you wouldn’t expect the meal for free. You might even proactively ask for the bill. You know in that setting paying is what’s expected of you. However, if you came to my home for dinner you wouldn’t offer to pay me, and I would not expect you to. That’s because there are certain unwritten social rules most of us come to know and practice. 

Depending on your occupation, your success may revolve around persuading people to your way of thinking. That’s okay but know when to turn it off. I’m willing to guess if you had a friend who was in sales you wouldn’t want them trying to “sell” you on their way of thinking each time you got together. 

Or how about that friend who turns everything into a competition? It gets old really fast and soon you find yourself steering clear of the person just to avoid inevitable competition. 

I’m tired of these sayings:

 “We’re always selling.” 

“Everything is negotiable.” 

“Life is a competition.”

I’m sure you have some you’re sick of hearing or reading about too. All of this smacks of Alec Baldwin, the smarmy sales manager in Glengarry Glen Ross, when he said, “Always be closing.” 

Coming out of the holidays I’m sure many of you can relate to uncle Joe who’s always trying to convince you why the democrats (or republicans) are wrong as you tried to eat your turkey and watch a ball game. Or maybe it’s aunt Sally giving you her version of who’s going to heaven and who is not when you just wanted to enjoy opening presents.

Please stop trying to persuade me and others about things we just might not care about or may not have the same passion around that you do. Instead, why not try enjoying us and let us enjoy you for a change?

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence. 

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His new business parable, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is now available.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.