Referrals without Resistance: A Pre-Suasive Approach to Warm Introductions

Referrals are the lifeblood of most businesses. Think about it: when you have a satisfied customer, there’s a good chance they know others who could benefit from whatever you offer. But here’s the thing; how do you get warm introductions without coming off as pushy or self-serving?

This is where the concept of pre-suasion—a term popularized by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D.—comes into play. Pre-suasion is the process of setting the stage so that your audience is more receptive to your message before they ever encounter it. It’s about creating a mindset that aligns perfectly with the action you’re going to ask them to take.

So, how do you apply pre-suasion to referrals? Here’s a roadmap to make the process smooth and natural.

What Not to Do

Let’s start with the mistakes many people make when asking for referrals:

Don’t ask for referrals at the close of a sale. At this stage, your client is more focused on their recent purchase decision, and they may not feel comfortable endorsing you to others just yet. In addition, they’ve not had the opportunity to experience your product or service, so they don’t know how satisfied they’ll be.
Avoid handing out business cards and asking clients to distribute them. This often leads to your card ending up in a drawer or, worse, in the trash. Even if you keep them, do you ever have them on you when a conversation arises?

These approaches are transactional, not relational, but more importantly, also miss the mark because they don’t consider the client’s current mindset.

A Better Way: The Pre-Suasive Approach

Imagine this scenario: You’ve just wrapped up a deal with Pat. Instead of immediately asking for referrals, you say:

“Pat, I know you’ve probably had salespeople ask for referrals right after closing a deal. I’m not going to do that. But I do have one small favor to ask: If, six months from now, you’re happy with your decision to switch to our firm, would you be open to talking about referrals?”

This approach works on multiple levels:

It’s non-threatening. You’re not asking for an immediate action, which reduces any pressure Pat might feel.
It sets up a future commitment. By saying yes now, Pat is making a small commitment that Pat will feel need to honor later.
It creates a positive association. When the time comes, assuming Pat is satisfied, she will be more likely to refer others.

Once Pat agrees, give genuine thanks, mentioning how much you appreciate her willingness to help. Finally, set a reminder in your CRM to follow up in six months.

The Follow-Up: Closing the Loop

Fast forward six months. You’ve set a reminder in your CRM, and it’s time to make that call:

“Hi Pat, it’s Jerry from ABC Company. I wanted to check in and see how you’re feeling about your decision to switch to our firm.”

When Pat confirms she’s happy with her choice, you follow up with:

“That’s great to hear! You might recall that when we first spoke, I asked if we could talk about referrals if you were satisfied. Do you have 15-20 minutes next week to discuss others you know that might benefit from our services?”

Because Pat has had a positive experience with your company, your gentle reminder is likely to tap into reciprocity which should lead to a productive conversation about referrals. After the call, send a thank-you email or text to reinforce Pat’s commitment and to keep the idea of referrals top of mind for her.

Pre-Suasion Tactics to Boost Success

Pre-suasion doesn’t stop with just the timing of your ask. It’s about keeping the idea of referrals in Pat’s mind without seeming pushy. Here are some additional considerations:

The Reminder: The morning of your call, send a quick text or email: “Pat, just checking if we’re still good to talk about referrals at 3:15 today?” This gentle nudge brings the idea back into focus and primes her to think about referrals ahead of your conversation.
Reinforcement: After your call, reinforce the behavior with another thank-you note. Express your appreciation and subtly remind her of the value of her referral.

This simple approach ensures that by the time you ask Pat for referrals, she’s not only ready but eager to help. With this thoughtful pre-suasive approach, you’ve paved the way to make it easier for Pat to say yes by eliciting a public, active, voluntary commitment that will require a little effort.

Conclusion: The Power of Pre-Suasion

The key takeaway here is that getting referrals isn’t just about asking—it’s about asking at the right time, in the right way, and with the right mindset. By leveraging pre-suasion, you set the stage for your client to be more receptive and more willing to help. This approach not only enhances the quality and quantity of referrals you receive but also strengthens the relationship you have with your clients.

Remember, influence is about preparation as much as it is about persuasion. So, next time you’re thinking about asking for a referral, consider how you can pre-suade your client to say yes. It’s a subtle but powerful shift that can make all the difference.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 725,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!