Tag Archive for: Cialdini

What If You Hate Someone You Work With?

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Several years ago, I was invited to speak to a couple dozen psychology students at The Ohio State University. They were working on their MBAs so as you might imagine it was a group of very bright young people. No doubt they had far more insight into psychology than I possessed but I did have
something they didn’t, something they could all learn from – a lot of real-world business experience.

As I shared the psychology of persuasion and its application to the business world, we got off on a tangent when we came to the principle of liking. This psychological concept simply alerts us to the reality that it’s easier for us to say yes to those we know and like. Think about it for a moment – there are many things you’d willingly do if asked by a friend that you’d never do for a stranger. So, make more friends and more people will be willing to help you when you need it.

At one point someone asked, “What if you hate someone you work with?” I replied, “Hate is a very strong word, and I can honestly say I don’t hate anyone I work with.” Then he rephrased his question, “Okay, what if you really dislike them?” I responded, “I don’t really dislike anyone I work with either.” I went on to explain why that was the case and I’d like to share my thoughts with you in this post because it might just make your life a lot happier and less stressful.

Learning about the liking principle coupled with more than 25 years in business has taught me this – how much I like someone depends far more on me than it does on the other person. That’s because I can make simple choices that will not only get them to like me a little more but will get me to like them more at the same time!

A couple of ways to trigger liking are to offer up genuine compliments and look for things we have in common. Let’s start with compliments. I firmly believe there’s good in every person. If we look for the good, we’ll find it, and it will get easier and easier to keep finding more good things.

Unfortunately, all too often we look for the negative and that’s also easy to find. It’s a choice so which will you look for? Abraham Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment.” When we do find something good and tell the other person, they feel good and begin to associate those good feelings with us. In other words, they start to like us a bit more. But here’s the interesting thing – that same approach is working on us too! When you look for something worthy of a compliment in another person and tell them, you begin to convince yourself that they’re a good person. The very same factor that causes
them to like you makes you like them at the same time.

Studies show when it comes to things you have in common with someone else, engage on those things and they’ll come to like you more. That happens because we give a lot of benefit of the doubt to people who root for the same team, were born in the same town, attended the same college, have the same pets, etc. And just as sharing compliments works in reverse, so does this approach. In other words, when you find someone who roots for your team, went to your college, has the same pet, etc., you come to like them more! I shared this with the psychology group and went on to tell them what I’d come to realize during my career was how much I like the people I work with depends more on me than it does them. That’s because I can continually make choices to offer sincere compliments and look for things we have in common. As I do this, I come to like them more. It doesn’t turn everyone in a best friend, and it doesn’t mean I’ll come in early for coffee or go have beers after work with them all, but I can enjoy them while I’m with them.

I’d venture to guess if you think about people who don’t enjoy life and people who are a part of their life, you’ll probably think of people who are not very outgoing, who don’t look for the best in others and are probably fairly negative.

Here’s my two-fold challenge for you this week:

  1. Make a concerted effort to look for things you have in common with other people AND then talk about those things with them.
  2. Choose to look for things you can genuinely compliment in other people AND then offer up a sincere compliment.

I guarantee if you make this “the way you do life” you’ll have an abundance of friends, people who like you and people that you like in return. Do this and you’ll be able to say as I did years ago, “I can honestly say I don’t hate, or really dislike, anyone I work with.”

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

 
 
 
Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

Ancient Survival and Modern Day Complexities

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The more I teach others about persuasion, the more clearly I see the principles of influence as a survival tool. Not only did they help our ancestors live day to day, but they also help us deal with the complexities of life in this information-overloaded society in which we live.

Let’s consider the principles in relation to our ancestors.

Liking – One way to engage liking is through similarity. In ancient times someone who looked like you was probably friendly whereas someone who looked different might be an enemy. It became easier to trust those with whom you could quickly tell you had something in common.

Reciprocity – If someone helped you it would be wise to help him or her when the opportunity presented itself because you never knew when you might need his or her help again.

Consensus – There’s safety in numbers so it was probably a good survival bet to go along with the crowd instead of opposing it. If everyone was in favor of some action your optimal choice was to go along with the group or you’d find yourself ostracized.

Authority – We place a lot of confidence in those with superior wisdom and knowledge. It paid to go along with the leader’s direction because opposition could end your life in a multitude of ways. Consistency – To do what you promised would gain you favor most of the time. In turn you learned to rely on those with a track record of coming through as expected whether it was on the farm or on the battlefield.

Scarcity – When good opportunities, like food and drink, came along it was a wise choice to take advantage of the opportunity because you never knew if such an opportunity would come around again.

In the modern world we may not have life and death decisions very often but the principles help us keep our sanity. In my presentations I like to share a quote from William C. Taylor’s article Permission Marketing, which was written for the magazine Fast Company.

“This year, the average consumer will see or hear one million marketing messages – that’s almost 3,000 per day.”

Can anyone possibly take in 3,000 marketing messages every day, sort through them all, weigh the pros and cons and make the best rational decision? Of source not! You’d need a supercomputer to do that. But here’s a scary thought – Taylor’s quote is more than 25 years old! A more recent article on the New York Times, Anywhere the Eye Can See, It’s Likely to See an Ad, puts the number of daily marketing messages we’re exposed to closer to 5,000!

To help us deal with the complexities of modern life we use the principles of influence as mental shortcuts. They help us wade through all the noise and when we hear something that resonates with us quite often that’s all we need to make a quick, satisfactory decision.

Liking – A friend tells you the company they used to put in their new kitchen floor and after a few questions you like what you hear so you decide to call the company for a quote. That saves a lot of time because you don’t have to do a lot of research.

Reciprocity – You do something that’s helpful, something another person truly appreciates. You sense they appreciate you and believe you want the best for them. It’s only natural for him or her to say, “Yes” if you need their help in return. Now you’re building relationship.

Consensus – If everyone is doing it then it must be worth considering. After all, quite often the wisdom of the crowd is better than a few smart people. Therefore, best-selling items can usually be relied on over new products or services.

Authority – With the crush of modern life it’s easier to turn to accountants for our taxes, lawyers for legal questions and doctors for our health. We find it easier to pay these people for their expertise because it gives us time to focus on things we’re good at and things that are more important to us.

Consistency – As society becomes more inter-dependent we rely on each other. A big part of the reliability is banking on someone doing what they said they would. We may be more pleased with a “steady Eddie” worker over the person who sometimes does great work and other times does poor work or misses deadlines.

Scarcity – “Sale ends Sunday” is a classic. We don’t want to lose out on the possibility of a great deal so we get off the couch and get to the store before the end of the weekend. Much of the time this is an open door for us to get better deals.

So there you have a comparison of the principles of influence in ancient versus modern-day survival. They don’t explain all of human behavior but if you pay attention you’ll see they do explain an awful lot of why people do what they do. Look for ways to tap into them ethically and correctly and you’re sure to be a more effective persuader.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 

Persuading Einstein and Members of AARP

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I just finished Einstein: His Life and Universe by Walter Issacson. Excellent book! Issacson also wrote another very interesting biography I read a few years ago, Steve Jobs. His book on Einstein was so well written and portrayed Einstein in such a way that I was sad at the end to read about his death because I felt like I was just getting to know him.

We all have notions of Einstein from school, quotes we’ve read, movies we’ve seen and various other sources. Some of what we learned was true and much was fairy tale or at least exaggeration. What fascinated me about Einstein was how much of a rebel he was in his youth and how much he was willing to change as he got older when the facts warranted change.

As we get older, change gets harder. In some sense we’ve honed what works for us and those patterns or habits – which include speech and thought – are no exception. We think what we think and do what we do because we believe it’s the right way or the best way given the situation. Dale Carnegie understood this and that’s why one of his tips from How to Win Friends and Influence People encourages us to “show respect for the other person’s opinion and never say, ‘You’re wrong.’” Never forget, right or wrong, people have reasons for what they do.

Beyond being stereotyped as “set in their ways” is there any proof that older people are more difficult to persuade? Actually there is. A study mentioned in Robert Cialdini’s Influence Science and Practice noted, “in a follow-up study employing subjects from ages 18 to 80, we found that preference for consistency increased with the years and that, once beyond the age of 50, our subjects displayed the strongest inclination of all to remain consistent with their earlier commitments (Brown, Asher, & Cialdini, 2005).”

So, as we age it’s natural to cling tightly to closely held beliefs, attitudes, values, and ways of doing things. As most of you reading this know, it can be darn hard to change someone’s mind, especially as they grow older.

So, what’s this have to do with our friend Albert Einstein? On one hand he seemed to cling stubbornly to his view of the universe and dismissed some newer science including quantum mechanics. Without going into detail on either issue, suffice it to say that despite lots of data on quantum mechanics, there were a few important questions Einstein could not reconcile in his head. Had someone been able to help him do that he might have changed his mind and abandoned his search for a unified theory.

Being an analytic personality, Einstein would naturally cling to his beliefs because he so thoroughly thought them through. You’d need data to convince him AND you’d need to do so at the points that were of most concern to him. No scientist could convince him that we can never truly tell a particle’s exact position and momentum (a tenant of quantum mechanics). Scientists believe we can only guess at those two things, but Einstein could not reconcile that in his mind, so he held to his earlier beliefs about the universe.

On the flip side there was something very dear to Einstein’s heart that he eventually did change his mind about. He was an ardent pacifist in his younger days and believed if people would refuse military service there would never be a need for military action by nations.His view on this was shaped by the horror of World War I and the unparalleled destruction it brought on the world at that time. Through the early 1930s he held onto this view. However, with the rise of Hitler and the Nazis in Germany he began to re-examine that view. While he never embraced war, he came to believe people should enlist to defend freedom. He was also instrumental in getting President Roosevelt to start exploring nuclear technology and was against unilateral disarmament towards the end of his life because of the imbalance of power it would cause.

Why did he change? He was confronted with facts and the reality was the stakes were too high to be wrong. As you attempt to persuade people you’d do well to consider where they are in their life cycle. Teenagers and younger people have not developed the same groove older people have. It’s easier for them to experiment and quite often there is much less at stake for them in terms of loss should they make a mistake.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 

Influencers from Around the World – Alex Ferguson’s Persuasion Secrets of Managing Manchester United

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If you’ve followed Influence PEOPLE for any length of time then you’re familiar with Sean Patrick. You know Sean hails from Dublin, Ireland but what you may not realize is he’s moved to London. You can connect with Sean on LinkedIn or Twitter. Sean owns his own sales training and coaching company SPT (Sean Patrick Training), Ltd. I’m confident you’ll enjoy what Sean has to share this month.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 
Alex
Ferguson: Persuasion Secrets of 
Managing Manchester United

In May 2013, Sir Alex Ferguson or SAF as he’s
otherwise known as, stepped down as manager of Manchester United.  He had just won his 13th Premiership title,
the most successful and highly decorated manager in English football.  This ended his 26th season in charge of one
of the biggest sporting franchises in the world.

During his time at Old Trafford he won 38
titles including two UEFA champions league trophies. Ferguson took control of
the club at a time when player status was more important than winning titles,
over the course of four seasons and under severe pressure to deliver, he
transformed the club from the inside out.
He employed countless talent scouts to find the best youth players at
grassroots level and developed an academy that produced one of the most
successful teams in English football history.
Every season a major development was installed inside the club that
cemented United’s ability to find and retain the best playing staff.  Ferguson was well known for having his finger
on the pulse in every area of the club.
Only Matt Busby, a legendary former United manager had any such
influence across the entire club.
So how did he do it?  Ferguson was well known for his ability to
psychologically influence the players around him and rival managers.  Ferguson believed that the key to success was
to make sure that every player put in 100% during training.  He never allowed a bad training session as
this proved a player would find mediocrity acceptable, he knew bad habits form
quickly.  He ensured that every player
who under-performed at half time became aware of their poor performances thus
the legendary motivational skills reared itself in the dressing room.
Former rival manager Jose Mourinho claimed
Ferguson was the master of the ‘second game’, sing the media to motivate his
team and to begin, as he put it, ‘to play the next game before it starts’.
The club and everyone around him knew he was
the authority figure.  If a player tried
to take over the dressing room or put in a poor performance he was either
swiftly removed from the club or was given a severe face-to-face screaming
which had become known as the hairdryer treatment.  His authority was without question embedded
into the organization. Over the course of his 26 season reign he made difficult
choices and this came in the form of releasing established world class players
such as Roy Keane, Jaap Stam and David Beckham to make room for untested
younger players such as Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo who became medal
winners at United.
There was another side to Ferguson, he was
liked and respected.  He was treated
respectfully by senior management and back-room support staff and reciprocated
respect by demonstrating fairness and his ability to empathize.  These skills were tested during the season of
1995-96 when maverick player Eric Cantona attacked an opposition supporter
Kung-Fu style and consequently given a heavy suspension lasting several
months.  Over the course of this period,
Ferguson mentally coached Cantona, firstly to retain his services and secondly
to mentally motivate and prepare the player for his return.  Subsequently, Cantona blossomed to become a
model player and became club captain helping United secure more silverware.
This method of psychologically preparing and
motivating players culminated in United’s first UEFA Champions league title in
1999.  They faced a tough fixture against
Germany’s Bayern Munich.  At half-time
United were trailing, he reminded his players that if they lost the match they
would not as much be allowed to touch the trophy, just amble past at a safe
distance wearing their losers medal.  One
of the players later recalled that Ferguson’s inspirational speech turned
fearful men into world-beaters.  During
that same season, United became the first side from a major league to win the
treble of Champions league, English Premier league and League cup in a single
season.
Ferguson understood the importance being
consistent. One of his key skills in improving the preparedness of his players
was his use of story telling and being to talk to each player
individually.  He liked to change the
themes of his team talks with regularity.
“I once heard a coach start with ‘this must be the 1000th team talk I’ve
had with you’ and saw a player quickly respond with ‘and I’ve slept through
half of them!’  If a player was to sit
out a game, he gave a personal and very frank conversation that conveyed
empathy and instilled confidence in the player.
Ferguson emphasized on the use of instilling
confidence on the training pitch.  “There
is no room for criticism on the training field’.  ‘There is nothing better than hearing ‘well-done.”
Sean
Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

 

Restricted Freedom and Persuading Others

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Recently on a flight home from a training session I did what I normally do on a Southwest flight – I grabbed the first available aisle seat upon boarding. After I settled in, the flight attendant asked if I wanted to move back a row. She was in the emergency row and reminded me I could not recline my seat. I declined because I normally don’t recline my seat anyway.

A few moments later I began to regret my decision because the thought crept in, “What if I want to recline?” Suddenly having my freedom restricted caused angst even though the restriction was on something I hardly ever do. Scarcity was at work on me! This principle of influence tells us we want things more as they become less available and it doesn’t just apply to goods and services; it applies to our freedom of choice.

A good bit of scarcity’s work on our psyche has to do with not losing out on opportunities because that restricts our freedom.  If you’ve raised kids undoubtedly you’ve seen this. Isn’t it the case that more often than not they want whatever they’re not supposed to touch, taste, smell, watch, listen to or play with?

That doesn’t go away as adults. The moment someone tells us we can’t do something there’s a natural impulse that rises up in us, “Who are you to tell me I can’t…?”

As persuaders, we’d do well to remember this because there are times when our well-intentioned communication backfires because our restrictions only make the other person want the restricted thing even more! There are times when we’d be better off taking a wait and see attitude rather than jumping in with a command – don’t, you can’t, you’d better not, etc.

If you have to make such statements you’d do well to help the other person internalize why the restriction is actually in their best interest. This taps into the principle of consistency. People typically don’t resist their own beliefs, values and reasons, so helping them form those will go a long way toward them believing the restriction is actually good for them.

Here is a very personal example. As a parent I believe it’s in my daughter Abigail’s best interest to abstain from sex for many reasons. But those are my reasons not hers and that means they might not last very long. When she was a freshman in high school she met a nice guy, who was a senior and although they were not “boyfriend and girlfriend” they were more than just friends. A short time after going to college he said it would probably be best if they didn’t keep going like they were and Abigail was crushed. Perhaps you can remember the feeling from your first love.

Sometime after that Abigail and I were driving somewhere and the subject of sex came up so I asked her, “Why do you think it’s wrong to have sex before marriage?” Right away she said, “Because the Bible says so.” So, I asked, “Why do you think the Bible says so?” Immediately she replied, “Because God says so.”

I probed more, “Why do you think God says so?” She was stumped so I asked, “Remember how bad you felt when he broke up with you? All you did was hold hands and have intimate conversations. How do you think you’d feel now if you’d given yourself to him?” I could see from the look on her face that she got it in the deepest part of her being.

I went on to tell her when God, the Bible or her mom and I ask her to refrain from things it’s not because we don’t want her to have fun. On the contrary, we love her and want her to love life and enjoy it to the fullest! With more experience under our belts we know the pitfalls of the decisions many teenagers make. We talked more about sex, marriage and relationships and as we did so she was generating her own reasons for her behavior.

Will she always do what her mom and I think is best or right? No, but then again, we’re not the final arbitrators on right and wrong, good and bad. And it’s been interesting to watch her grow up and make choices at her young age that are far better than we made at that age…and perhaps well into our 30s.

So, the takeaway for you is this – be careful about what you restrict and how you go about it. When you do have to make certain restrictions be sure to help the other person generate their own reasons because that will lead to better, longer lasting behavior.

P.S. I wrote this during the flight home and not being able to recline was a non-issue.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

Using Scarcity with Qualified Prospects

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Last month I hosted a webinar on the principle of scarcity for the Cialdini “Influence” Series. During the 30-minute webinar I introduced participants to the ethical application of scarcity when it comes to managing salespeople and increasing sales.

If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time then you know scarcity is the principle of influence which alerts us to the reality that we place more value on things when they’re rare or becoming less available. We see this principle at work constantly:

  • Advertising – Perceived limited time or limited availability gets customers to act in ways they wouldn’t otherwise.
  • Relationships – When we lose someone we love we often wish we’d done more for them or with them. The mere thought of losing someone could change our behavior.
  • Work and School – Deadlines drive much of our prioritization and activity when it comes to school or work.

I’m sure you can think of your own examples where you’ve seen your behavior influenced by this psychological principle. What I want to explore is a question that came up as the webinar was ending. Someone asked if personal preference played into scarcity’s effectiveness. It was a great question, one I’d never considered before. The example that came immediately to mind as I pondered the answer was something from my childhood.

When I was young I collected baseball cards. This goes way back to the days before you could buy whole sets of cards. Kids got their baseball cards when they bought the bubblegum packs with cards inside them. From there we traded to round out our collections. I still remember the most famous card was the 1909 Honus Wagner. Although neither my friends nor me knew anything about Honus as a player we knew there were only six in existence and that made it the most valuable card. The card is reportedly worth $2.8 million today!

Certainly anyone reading this would love to have that card but for the most part baseball cards are only valuable to those who collect them. When I showed one of my old cards to Jane and told her it was worth about $200 she said, “Hmmm, four pairs of shoes.” She could have cared less that my Ted Williams 1956 Topps baseball card was in very good condition and she never would have paid $200 for the card because baseball cards mean nothing to her.

Much like beauty, scarcity is in the eye of the beholder. For example, hearing a furniture outlet is having a half price sale that ends Sunday will do nothing to incent my behavior if I’m not considering getting new furniture for my home.

A large part of selling is contacting qualified prospects. Qualified prospects are those people or organizations that are in the market for what you sell. When a prospect realizes they may lose out on a great opportunity that could fulfill their need, quite often scarcity will impact their decision to act.

Another category of qualified prospects would include people or organizations that might not see their need for what you sell unless you can arrange to meet with them and show how your product can positively impact them. Once you’re talking with this type of qualified prospect, introducing scarcity might be enough to get them off the fence to make a decision.

In the Principles of Persuasion workshop I emphasize this point – scarcity is best used to motivate behavior. If you’ve already established some relationship and the prospect isn’t unsure about what to do – they’re just not making a decision – then scarcity can be just the thing to get them over the hump. However, just indiscriminately telling people they’ll lose something by not acting when they could care less about what you’re offering is a recipe for failure in sales.

Here’s my sales advice – really get to know your current and prospective clients. Understand their business and their needs so you can match your product offering accordingly. Once you’ve done that, when you have genuine scarcity make sure you introduce it during the sales process because that might be just the thing that helps you make the sale.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 
 
Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world. Next up is Hoh Kim talking about Authority on April 17.

 

Many Milestones and Reasons to Celebrate

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This past year has held a lot of milestones
for me and for my family and so does the coming month. In March 2013, Jane and
I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We followed that up in
December with our daughter Abigail’s 18th birthday. I turned 50 a
few weeks ago and Jane will reach that magical number in about four weeks. The
month of May will conclude with Abigail graduating from high school. A very event-filled
14 months!
One more milestone in the midst of all of that
is the 5th anniversary of Influence PEOPLE. On April 17, 2009, I
wrote my first blog post Why Influence is All about PEOPLE. Over the past five
years, more than 100,000 people from nearly 200 countries have taken time to
read Influence PEOPLE. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that
kind of response!
It’s been incredible to meet people all across
the globe and in particular those who’ve participated in my Influencers from
Around the World Series. Special thanks to Sean Patrick, Anthony McLean, Hoh Kim, Marco Germani, Yago De Marta and Cathrine Moestue for being so generous
in sharing their thoughts and articles with all of us over the past five years.
 It’s been fun to get to know each of them
and to learn about their cultures. I feel like anywhere I go in the world I’ll
have friends to meet with. 
I also need to thank several other people.
First and foremost is Debbie Conkel, a coworker who
generously proof reads all my blog posts. Another is Mike Figliuolo, who has been a mentor in
many ways because he’s much farther down the road with his company and blog thoughtLEADERS. My boss at State Auto, John Petrucci, has also been
unbelievably supportive in every way. He gets that happy, engaged employees are
more productive and valuable, and encourages that in all his associates.
I also want to thank some people who’ve been
so encouraging. First is Nancy Edwards, a former colleague.
Someone else who comes to mind is George Black. Were it not for his
encouragement I might never have started this blog.
Huge thanks also go to Jane and Abigail. They’ve
been my biggest supporters and have been very gracious as I’ve occasionally
shared stories about each of them. Jane was especially patient with me when I wrote
a post I called Reverse Psychology and the
Vacation Bathing Suit.
And I’ve save the best for last – you! Without
you reading this every week I would not be as encouraged and inspired to write
as I am. Some of my best days are seeing comments or getting emails from
readers who tell me how my writing has helped them professionally or
personally. That’s the goal with what I do – to help you learn to hear “Yes”
because it’s so important for your professional success and personal happiness.
So from me to you, a sincere Thank You! I hope
five years from now you’re still reading and I have the chance to say thanks
again.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.



Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 

Influencers from Around the World – Hardwired Humans

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This month our
Influencers from Around the World guest post comes from Anthony McLean,
Australia’s one and only Cialdini Method
Certified Trainer (CMCT®). We owe Anthony special
thanks for taking time to share with us because his busy schedule last month included
a trip to the States to meet with Dr. Cialdini. I know you’ll enjoy what
Anthony has to share.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
Hardwired Humans
Why would
a Global Healthcare company like Philips undertake a change management program in
a zoo? The answer is they were following research revealed in Andrew O’Keefe’s book
Hardwired Humans.
In
Australia/New Zealand, Philips had undergone four change programs in as many
years preceding the unexpected global change program announced in 2009. Managing
director Harry van Dyk and HR director Jo Hilyard admitted the company was
suffering from “change fatigue” and a vastly different approach was required to
that used previously.
What
happened next was a little unexpected for many. Philips took 30 of its leaders
to Taronga Zoo in Sydney for a workshop that introduced them to the role basic
human instincts play in the workplace. The workshop looked at nine hardwired
instincts of humans and the leadership implications including the management of
change. In one part of the program the leaders were addressed by The Jane Goodall Institute and its chimpanzee program to demonstrate the social and
hierarchical structure off chimpanzees and the implications this has for modern
business. Unexpectedly for the participants they discovered the comparisons
between chimp and human social structures were numerous and provided a whole
new perspective on resolving workplace challenges.
One of
the key insights was that the conventional wisdom that claims people resist
change is wrong. We learned that humans, rather than being resistant to change,
are actually hardwired to avoid loss. Upon hearing about a change people
instantly screen their environment for the risk of loss. If we detect loss, we
resist the change. If we detect gain, we support the change. If we are unsure
about the impact of the change (and this is the big swinger), then we assume
loss. This means that for organizational change we often have people
unnecessarily erring toward loss and resistance, merely because people were
unable to make sense of the impact of the change for them at the moment they
first learned of it. (HR Monthly,
March 2011, p30)
The Persuasion Implications
The implications
for persuaders are clear. Through scarcity, we know that loss framing
is more persuasive than focusing on the benefits of a thing. The final part of
the above quote is very important because it highlights that under conditions in
which the risk cannot be assessed the subject will assume loss if they have no
other means to assess the risk.
You may
say great, scarcity is at play without you having to do anything to get people
to take action. In reality the targets of influence, under this assumed loss,
will employ coping mechanisms and strategies to protect themselves from that
loss rather than take healthy proactive workplace behaviours.
For example,
in a change management project if the targets of influence assume loss because
they have no other basis to assess the risk, they will then react against the
project, at times for no other reason than they associate loss (i.e., of
position, status, pay, etc.) with the project itself.
Anyone
who has managed a change project will tell you the reluctance at times seems
unnecessary and ill informed; now you understand that it is a hardwired
response to the subjects’ inability to assess risk, so they assume loss and
react accordingly.
Steps to Counter Perceived Loss
If we
know that people scan for loss in any situation before moving forward, it makes
sense to manage this situation and brief the relevant staff fully on managing
the default towards loss and reacting against the situation unnecessarily. By
providing this briefing it is more likely to trigger reciprocity because you as the
change agent have given them the information they require to assess the risk
for themselves. Potentially it may even increase liking if you are then
required to work together and you have already opened up the channel for
cooperation. The warning however is, that left unattended to the development of
a loss aversion mindset, this reaction may cause the audience to take a stand
and trigger consistency, towards the negative
and this could be all the momentum that is required to drive consensus in the wrong direction.
So ask
yourself these questions: 
1. What risk is involved in your project, service or request? 
2. Is it real or perceived?
If the targets
of influence are unable to assess the personal risk of loss for themselves
(i.e., the risk is not clear or able to be easily understood), they will most
likely assume loss and react against you and your project, service or request.
Brief the
targets of influence appropriately so they can adequately assess the
risk from an informed position and give yourself every chance of success
rather than having to start the influence process on the back foot. It may also
be prudent to lobby support from others who already understand the project and
during the briefing ask them to discuss the implications for their business area
and support for the change. This simple step uses consensus to show others are
already moving in the direction of the project not away from it and as we know
when we are unsure of what we should do we look to the behaviour of others like
us to guide our decisions.

Cheers!
Anthony McLean, CMCT® 


Sources: 
From A to
Zoo, HR Monthly March 2011 p28-30
O’Keefe,
A (2011) Hardwired Humans Roundtable
Press.

Sometimes Less is More When it Comes to Persuasion

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I have some persuasive advice for you – Bite your lip and stay silent for a while. Normally when I talk about persuasion I offer up ways to proactively connect on the six principles of influence. But sometimes silence is golden because quite often less is more. Allow me to ask you a few questions to drive home why this is the case.

When will people appreciate your advice most?
When they ask for it.

When do people appreciate your “gifts” most?
When they want them.

So why do we keep offering advice and giving gifts to people before they ask?

There is a time and place for offering up help, sharing advice and giving gifts. Initiating on each of these engages the principle of reciprocity because quite often the other person will feel some obligation to give back to you. However, there are times when they’ll appreciate what you have to offer even more. That time is when they seek you out and ask for it. I’ve noticed this much more as of late at work and home.

Since my daughter Abigail was a toddler I’ve always made it a priority to spend time with her. For many years it was a father-daughter group through the YMCA known as Indian Princess. Next it was taekwondo for about five years. More recently it’s been time every weekend at coffee shops. I was the initiator with all of these.

When we stopped going to taekwondo it was a combination of her losing interesting plus being busy with high school and an after school job. A while ago she approached me about starting back up with taekwondo. Initially I said no because of my training-related travel, her work schedule and I just didn’t think she’d be dedicated enough to make it several times a week. More time passed and I still resisted which made her want it even more. That’s scarcity in action because the less available something is the more we tend to want it.

I finally relented and told her when summer rolls around and she’s on break and my travel lightens up that we’ll join taekwondo for the summer to see how it goes. Do you think she’ll be more into it and appreciate it more because she had to wait and pursue me on it? You bet!

Another example happened recently. Abigail shared a string of texts she had with a boy. I had some strong opinions about the “conversation” as I listened but I didn’t offer up any thoughts. I kept reminding myself she’s an adult (she turned 18 years old in December) and can handle herself. Finally she asked my opinion but I didn’t say anything so she asked again. She could see I was thinking and was curious. I knew at that point she’d value what I had to say far more than if I just offered up my opinion
unprompted.

I’ve also noticed the same phenomenon at work. Over the years I’ve established expertise in several areas but I try to hold back until someone wants what I have. This goes for my training, coaching and consulting. When someone seeks me out, they’ll value what I can offer much more.

Here are a few keys to help make this approach more effective.

1. Establish your expertise and trustworthiness. Both of these elements will add to your authority and make people rely on your wisdom even more. If you don’t have expertise, at least in business, there’s no real reason people will seek you out. On the flip side, if you’re not trustworthy then it won’t matter how smart you are. You need both!

2. Start by giving. Even if you have expertise people may be unaware of that fact. When you start by giving, you show what you’re capable of and engage reciprocity. Doing this helps establish a relationship which will make others feel more comfortable approaching you down the road.

3. Withhold a little bit. As noted earlier, people want more of what they can have less of. That’s scarcity. If you constantly offer up advice without being asked or make yourself available 24×7 then you’re missing the chance to leverage scarcity.

So next time you’re tempted to jump in with your two cents, bite your lip and remember, quite often, less is more. Give it a try and let me know what you notice about others’ response to you.

3 Reasons to Ask 1 More Question

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I’ve observed something in the last few years that I think has helped me become a much more persuasive individual and I’d like to share it with you. It’s something simple that you can do if you’re willing to commit an extra 10 seconds every now and then when you’re communicating with others.

Here it is – Ask one more question. That’s all; just ask one more question. The interesting thing is people feel compelled to answer questions so virtually everyone will answer you when you ask one more question. What you want to do is ask the question in the same email or conversation in which you provide help for someone.

Imagine a coworker has reached out to you for assistance. They sent you an email because they needed some information or insight from you. You share your expertise with them and then you add one more question at the end of the email. That question might be something like one of the following:

  • “Does that help?”
  • “Is that what you were looking for?”
  • “Is there anything else you need?”

Why is asking one more question so important? I think there are three reasons.

First, you’re confirming what you’ve provided is what they needed. There’s no miscommunication because they’ll reply to tell you it’s exactly what they were looking for or they’ll clarify and ask you more questions. Either way miscommunication is avoided.

Second, your follow up question reinforces what you’ve done for the other person. This engages the principle of reciprocity. Should you ever need help in the future they’ll be very likely to return the favor because this principle of influence tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who first give to them. If you don’t do a quick follow up the other person might get what they need and simply move on without acknowledging what you’ve done for them. While it may seem rude to not acknowledge the help, many people don’t just want one more email. But when you ask one more question is almost guaranteed they’ll reply.

Third, and most importantly, when you ask one more question to make sure they got what they needed people seem to answer much more positively. What I’ve noticed is the response I get is much different than a simple “Thanks!” Here are a few responses I’ve received over the past month:

  • “That is outstanding – thank you – you’re the best!”
  • “OMG yes thank you so much! I really appreciate you!”
  • “Yes, that makes sense to me. Thank you for reviewing.”
  • “Thanks. All good stuff!”

I think you can see each response was much better than a simple, “Thank you.” Everyone wins. Each person I helped was very thankful. They felt better about me, which engaged liking, and my authority was enhanced in their eyes. I also benefitted because, as noted above, reciprocity was engaged. If I need help down the road, don’t you think each of these people would happily step up to the plate? I know they would.

My persuasion advice for you is this – ask one more question this week. Whether by email or phone, after you’ve responded to someone’s request for help ask, “Did that help?” or “Does that give you everything you need?” I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the responses you get. Over time you’ll find it translates into becoming a more persuasive individual.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 
 
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