Tag Archive for: Cialdini

An Online Beat Down

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Wow, I turn 46 in a few days! That sounded so old many years ago but not so much now. I’m an April Fools baby. I still get teased about that and my reply is always the same, “I may be a fool but I’m not stupid.” With 46 years behind me I like to believe I’m a little wiser but actually I do still make stupid mistakes sometimes and I’ll be sharing one this week.

I started thinking about this post weeks ago when something happened online. First let me step back and share this sad but true fact; I’ve been in two fights in my life and I’m 0-10. That’s right, two fights but 0-10 because so many guys beat on me! I joke and tell people that’s why I got involved with taekwondo but truthfully I took up the sport to spend time with Abigail.

I don’t view myself as an aggressive person although I am competitive. While I was in college I was a bouncer (“crowd control engineer” was how it was listed on the resume) but never once did I get in a fight. I was proud of that considering I worked every Saturday and Sunday for a year and a half. I knew other guys who looked at the job as a license to beat on people who got drunk and acted up but I wasn’t that kind of guy.

My fights occurred when emotions got the best of me, aided by some cheap beer, and I jumped in where I had no right to. Both times there were about five guys taking me on because in my younger days I was a competitive bodybuilder and powerlifter, weighing anywhere from 220 lbs to 240 lbs. But size didn’t matter because I didn’t know anything about fighting.

For the most part I think I’ve learn my lesson not to let my emotions get the best of me and to not jump into situations that are none of my business. Having shared that, I recently I got smacked down pretty good…online. A friend shared something about a Web site and I was curious so I visited the site. What I read reminded me of Gordon Gekko in the movie Wall Street where he said, “Greed is good.” This time it wasn’t greed that was being exulted, it was arrogance. My take was that the author was extolling the virtues of arrogance at the expense of humility so I wrote the following response:

“Wow! It’s good to know there’s someone out there so much wiser than all the great thinkers of history who espouse the virtue of humility. Sure, we can work hard and accept the praise that comes with achievement but there is far too much outside our control that helps shape who we are to not have some measure of humility. Humility is attractive because it shows people understand who they really are relative to other human beings. Arrogance on the other hand is never attractive.”

My first sentence could have been less antagonistic but I thought my point was valid. I have to admit, I was not ready for what ensued…a good old fashioned beat down! I thought someone might jump in and defend humility over arrogance but no one did. Every response made me out to be some kind of loser or villain. One person wrote, “If you have a problem with another’s lack of humility, I’m going to guess it’s just one of many problems from which you suffer. Humility is affected and your desire to see it in others only belies your own lack of self-worth.” Ouch! I was really surprised someone could form such a character judgment based on four sentences. I’m human, have many faults and have done things I’m not proud of but maybe that acknowledgement leads to some measure of humility. As for self-worth, I have it in abundance and it’s affirmed daily by friends and family.

I did feel a bit better when one person tried to convince readers that Jesus was arrogant because at that point I felt they were all out of touch. I guess I need to reread The Bible because I could have sworn it talked about how he humbled himself to the point of death on a cross. The people who thought He was arrogant were the very people who sentenced Him!
I’ve not shared the Web site on purpose because I don’t want anyone visiting it and stirring up the pot any further. I accept that different people have different opinions. The point for me writing this blog post is not to debate the issue because that would be a waste of time. Since I’m someone who tries to help others communicate better I have to look at myself and see what I can do differently next time. Here are some things I have to remember if I want to be a more persuasive person:

  • Pick my “battles” wisely. Sometimes it’s apparent you won’t change another person’s mind so it’s pointless to waste time and effort. One friend put it well when he said arguing with them, “would be like teaching a pig to sing: wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
  • Check my emotions. Humility doesn’t need me to defend it. Far too often reacting to emotion rather than choosing to thoughtfully respond only leads to trouble.
  • Be tactful. As I shared, my opening line didn’t open communication it was antagonistic.

People often say experience is the best teacher. There is some truth in that statement but there are many things we’d be better off not having to learn from experience because the stakes are too high. I’d rather not have to burn my hand to figure out whehter or not the stove was hot. So count this as your experience and perhaps my post can save you from “burning your hand” at some point down the road.

One last note, a big thanks to Micheal Franzese for the cool drawings. Check out his blog FranzeseInklings for more drawings and his interesting thoughts on just about everything.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Is Expert Advice Always Worth the Price?

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A few weeks ago I took the day off to blog and do other social media related things but as the hours passed I had writer’s block. Nothing was coming to me until I read a very interesting article, Chris Brogan – Anchoring and Social Proof – Influencing Your Audience, by Paul Hebert. The article talked about how Chris Brogan, a social media guru, publicly stated his $22,000 a day fee for his consulting services. The angle for Paul’s article was how this publicly stated price impacts what other consultants can charge because of the anchor that’s been set.

The article also explores the principle of consensus (a.k.a. social proof) because undoubtedly other social media consultants will move in the upward direction as they see peers begin to do so. It’s a very interesting article so you should take a look.

 

Here’s my question for you (please feel free to comment below) – Would the advice Chris gives be worth $22,000 IF you or I could give the same advice but we charged significantly less only because we’re not as well known? In other words, is the advice more valuable just because it comes from Chris Brogan as opposed to me or you?

As I pondered this it brought to mind an article I wrote last year, Golf Advice from Corey Pavin. My wife Jane is an avid (addicted?) golfer! In that article I explained how I shared some golf advice with her. It was sound advice based on psychology but it went in one ear and out the other. However, weeks later she read a quote from Corey Pavin that was almost exactly what I had told her and she acted as it if was a revelation! For her it was more believable because it came from Corey Pavin. After all, he’s an authority having won the ’95 US Open.

But think about it for a moment, that fact that he said it didn’t change the reality that the advice was the same and should have worked every bit as well for Jane whether he said it or I said it. His expertise and track record make him an authority, giving him more credibility than I have when it comes to golf, but if you are going to pay for something based on authority shouldn’t you get something more for your money? Shouldn’t the expert give something that’s new or unique in some way?
I’m sure a golf lesson from Corey Pavin would include other tips and insights most people couldn’t give and that would make his higher fee worth it for the average weekend golfer. By the same token, Chris Brogan probably brings additional perspectives other less savvy social media folks won’t have. My point is not to say Chris Brogan isn’t worth his fee, it’s to get you to think.
Part of the influence process is establishing your authority because it makes you more believable and as a result you’ll hear “Yes” more often. I have two points for you to consider when it comes to being influenced by a perceived authority:
  1. Is this person really a legitimate authority? Chris Brogan has authority status having written Trust Agents (a very good book by the way) on using the web to build influence. Because of his work and time in the social media arena he’s recognized as an expert in the field. But that’s not always the case. For example, many spokespeople on TV have no real expertise and yet we’re subconsciously swayed by them.
  2. Is the advice something I could get elsewhere for less (money, time, effort, etc.)? Isn’t it disappointing to visit the doctor only to hear, “Rest it and take some Tylenol”? An expert – yes – but worth the money? Probably not when we all know rest is helpful and Tylenol reduces pain and discomfort. Or maybe you’ve attended a conference with big name speakers only to walk away thinking, “I didn’t learn anything new.” Worth it? Probably not because we expect something more from the expert.
The mind is an amazing thing. If someone believes Chris Brogan’s advice, or Corey Pavin’s, more than my advice or your advice (and lets assume it’s the same advice) then they’ll probably work harder to implement it. I know Jane will stay on the driving range for many more hours trying whatever Corey says, as opposed to what I might suggest, and she will be a better golfer as a result of her extra effort. Businesses will likely do the same with Brogan’s advice and that will legitimize his fee. Maybe that’s some of the value they offer?
The question of value reminds me of the experiment that showed kids prefer food in McDonald’s packaging and rate it as better tasting than the same food in plain packaging. As a parent, if it makes them eat the food then it’s probably worth the extra money and fewer hassles. If a customer is gung ho about the advice some authority gives vs. the same advice given by an average Joe then they’ll work harder to apply the guru’s advice and realize more benefit from it. If that happens I think you can legitimately say the expert advice was worth it.

In closing I’ll share a fascinating resource on this subject of value, the book Priceless: The Myth of Fair Value and How to Take Advantage of It. I read the book not long ago and it was an eye opener about how people value things. I highly recommend it because it will change your outlook as a consumer.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Upcoming Interview on BlogTalkRadio

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Save the date! On Wednesday April 7th (12-1 pm EST) I will be the guest of the group Inside Influencers on BlogTalkRadio. The topic will be the principles of influence and how to apply them to everyday situations at work and home. You can listen in through the BlogTalkRadio website or by phone 646-381-4430.

The show has multiple hosts who work directly with employees and various distribution channels. I met one of the hosts, Paul Hebert, in the summer of 2004 when Dr. Robert Cialdini was a guest speaker at State Auto Insurance. At the time Paul worked for the company that helped plan the agency events featuring Dr. Cialdini. Paul is now the Managing Director of I2I, a validation and incentive planning consulting company. He also writes a blog called Incentive Intelligence. Paul and I reconnected last year when found me online through my blog.

Make plans to grab your lunch and join us on Wednesday April 7th at noon EST. If you’re unable to listen to the show live no worries because it will be recorded. I’ll make sure to post the link on Influence PEOPLE sometime after April 7th. If you have questions about the show feel free to contact me at BFA654@gmail.com.

Brian

Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Listen to Dale Carnegie Tips at CinchCast

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Last year I began recording influence and persuasion tips on a site called CinchCast.com. I did this because I realize people have different learning styles.

Now it’s part of my routine each morning to record an influence tip before I start my day. Towards the end of the last year I began sharing Dale Carnegie’s advice on How to Win Friends and Influence People in audio format. For each piece of Carnegie advice I recorded a three to five minute audio clip at CinchCast.com. To listen to the introduction to the series click here.

Below you’ll see the different sections of How to Win Friends and Influence People, the corresponding advice Carnegie shares with readers and links to my audio clips. I encourage you to click on the audio links so you can hear an expanded version of each tip.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1 Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Audio
2 Give honest, sincere appreciation. Audio
3 Arouse in the other person an eager want. Audio

Six Ways to Make People Like You
4 Become genuinely interested in other people. Audio

5 Smile. Audio
6 Remember their name. Audio
7 Be a good listener & encourage others to talk about themselves. Audio
8 Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Audio
9 Make the other person feel important. Audio

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
10 Avoid arguments. Audio
11 Show respect for other’s opinions and never say, “You’re wrong.” Audio
12 If you are wrong, admit it quickly & emphatically. Audio
13 Begin in a friendly way. Audio
14 Get the other person to say “yes” immediately. Audio
15 Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. Audio
16 Let the other person feel the idea is theirs. Audio
17 Try to see things from the other’s point of view. Audio
18 Be sympathetic to other’s ideas and desires. Audio
19 Appeal to the nobler motives. Audio
20 Dramatize your ideas. Audio
21 Throw down a challenge. Audio

Be a Leader: How to Encourage People to Change without Giving Offense
22 Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Audio
23 Call attention to mistakes indirectly. Audio
24 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing. Audio
25 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. Audio
26 Let the other person save face. Audio
27 Praise the slightest, and every improvement. Audio
28 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. Audio
29 Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct. Audio
30 Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Audio

I hope you find this a useful way to learn How to Win Friends and Influence People. Last week I finished a series on building strong relationships. To see those tips just click on the relationship album at the top of the CinchCast page. As I shared earlier, I record a tip each day so look for updates daily on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Careful What You Say Because It Affects Everything

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For those raising kids, especially those with teenagers, I think you’ll appreciate this week’s post. My daughter Abigail is 14 years old, a very typical teenager in most ways. She’s very athletically gifted, far more than she realizes. She learned to swim at just two and a half years old and was on the swim team by the time she was six. She did quite well until she decided getting in a cold pool at 8 a.m. wasn’t any fun. She already has her black belt in taekwondo and more recently tried out for and made a club volleyball team. I watch her and I know she can be anything she wants to be, do anything she wants to do. There’s only one thing in life that can hold her back – Abigail.

Like most teens, left to her own devices she’d spend all day at the mall, watching television, chatting on Facebook, checking out YouTube videos or texting friends. She’s also no different when it comes to homework or practice…she’d rather do anything but! My dilemma, like every other parent, is this – how do I get her to do what I know is best for her?

There’s a quote from former Dallas Cowboy football coach Tom Landry that went something like this, “My job is to get men to do the things they don’t want to do so they can accomplish what they’ve always wanted to accomplish.” That could be the job description for a parent. We want to help our kids be ready to successfully fly the nest.
I’m trying to teach Abigail a lesson we’d all do well to remember; our attitude affects everything. I’m not so old that I can’t remember wanting to do things other than homework or go to practice. But I have an advantage she doesn’t have, three more decades of experience under my belt. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is this, where I choose to place my thoughts and the words that come out of my mouth impact how I feel and ultimately behave.
Parents, haven’t you heard this, “I don’t want to go to practice. I’m tired and its boring.” Or what about this, “I hate school.” I know a few well place questions reveal it’s not school she dislikes, it’s the homework. She likes lunch, recess, certain subjects, her friends and going to sporting events. Like I said, she pretty much likes everything but the homework. Perhaps you’re thinking about something you don’t like. Your job? Your significant other? Maybe a neighbor or boss? We all have things or people we’d say we don’t like and yet, there are probably some aspects of the person or things that aren’t so bad.As adults we know this truth; throughout life we will have to do things we’d rather not do and deal with people we’d rather not be around. Let’s take a task for example, maybe cutting the grass or some work around the house. If we approach the chore focusing only on how much we dislike it we’ll never put much effort in and only prolong our pain as we drag our feet and take longer than is necessary.
Oh, how I want her to understand this! I know she’d enjoy life more, do a better job and finish up the things she doesn’t like so much so she could move on to what she really enjoys. Too often we have to learn the hard way and much too much time passes by. Maybe that will be the case for her or maybe through repetition peppered with some good influence techniques I’ll get through to her. I hear people say when kids are young they think mom and dad are the smartest people in the world. When they become teenagers they become the smartest people in the world and we’re relegated to the status of “dumb.” But something happens and they grow up and come to realize their parents were actually pretty smart. After all, they think how could their parents have raised such a great person if they didn’t have some smarts. I look forward to that day but in the meantime I’ll keep sharing what I know to be true, and what’s in her best interest because I love her.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Just a Little Respect Please

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A few weeks ago we looked into some great advice for maintaining good relationships – avoid arguments whenever possible. This week we consider another Dale Carnegie tip that can make that a little easier –Show respect for other’s opinions and never say, “You’re wrong.”Aretha Franklin sang about R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Showing respect to someone is acknowledging their worth as a human being. We may not like the person we’re dealing with but we can still treat them with dignity. Think about how you’d want someone to treat a loved one; your spouse, a parent or your child. The person you’re dealing with probably falls into one of those categories and has someone who hopes they’re treated with respect.My worldview is a Christian one and my faith tells me all people are created in the image of God. It also teaches me that I’m to love my neighbor as myself. In light of those two tenents, showing respect for another person seems like the least I can do. You may not hold the same faith as I do but I hope you can agree that every human has value and should be treated with dignity and respect.When you don’t show respect you can be sure the other person won’t be open to listen and will probably just look for an opportunity to disrespect you. It becomes a game of “tit for tat” which accomplishes nothing.Now onto the second part of Carnegie’s advice, never say “You’re wrong.” What’s so bad about that? Sometimes people are flat out wrong! Someone might erroneously state something as fact when it can easily be proven to be incorrect. Example, “Ronald Reagan was the37th President of the United States.” It would not be incorrect to say, “You’re wrong. He was the 40th President. Google it and you’ll see.”However, let’s think about it for a moment. If your goal is to win friends and influence people (not make enemies and alienate others) then you might want to approach the situation a bit differently. It requires tact and strategy.First, never forget people have a vested interest in being right, especially when others are present. It can be embarrassing to know you made a mistake and it’s significantly worse when you feel others know about it. Saying, “You’re wrong” to someone is like pouring salt on a wound…it will produce a sharp reaction!Most people will naturally push back when pushed and that occurs emotionally as well as physically. When you tell people they’re wrong, they usually don’t want to give you the satisfaction of being right (winning) so they’ll look for any reason they might have been justified in what they said or did…no matter how wrong you might think they are. This happens naturally because of the psychological principle of consistency. People feel the need to be consistent in what they say and do so they’ll manufacture reasons to support their actions. If you recognize this you can work around it rather than against it.You and I might agree on many things that are wrong. For example, stealing. I bet everyone reading this would agree taking what’s not yours is wrong. However, even criminals quite often believe they were justified in breaking the law. Their reasons may not be valid to you but they have their reasons.Rather than confronting someone head on, try an end around. If you think someone is wrong, ask the person questions that might help you lead down a different path, one that might allow the individual to consider other alternatives. This is especially valuable because if a person feels he or she has discovered the solution, and it wasn’t forced upon them, they are more likely to change their mind. Remember, your goal isn’t to be right; it’s about preserving a relationship.Here would be a non-threatening way to approach the Reagan fact, “Really, President Reagan was the 37th President? I didn’t know that. Do you remember where you heard that or read it because I thought he was 40th or 41st. Now I’m curious. Wait a second and I’ll do a quick Google search on my phone and find out.” This never implies “You’re wrong and I’m right” and allows the person to save face if others are around.I assume you’re reading this blog because you want to improve your ability to communicate, learn to be persuasive, enjoy your relationships with other people more and have a little less stress. Making a choice to show respect for other’s opinions and never say, “you’re wrong,” will go a long ways towards making those goals become reality.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Facebook: Right Ways and Wrong Ways to Motivate

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There’s a right way and a wrong way to go about motivating people to take action. I thought I’d write about this subject because it’s relevant based on some Facebook messages I’ve seen several times in recent months. If you’re on Facebook you might have seen the following message or some variation of it:

“In memory of family and friends who have lost the battle of cancer and the ones who continue to conquer it! Put this on your page if you know someone who has or had cancer. Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen. 93% won’t copy and paste this, will you?”

The intent of the person and message is wonderful, to get people to pray for those with cancer, pass along the message and create more awareness. Unfortunately the method to motivate people to act on it is poor. After all, if 93% of people won’t copy and paste the message, why should you or I? Worse yet, that phrase tries to shame people into action. If someone feels shamed you can bet they won’t take action. This type of “motivation” is seen all the time in chain letter emails:

– “There were 12 tribes of Israel and 12 disciples. If you love God will you take a moment to send this to 12 friends?”
– “I cared enough to send this to you and 10 others; will you do the same for 10 people you care about?”
– “Please don’t break this. Send it to at least 7 of your friends.”

This isn’t an indictment against anyone who did take the time to post the message because they didn’t come up with the message. All they’ve done is copy and paste the message that’s been floating around. We can applaud their effort to do something good but there’s a more effective way to spread the word.

In psychology there’s a principle of influence known as consensus which tells us people are motivated to certain behaviors when they see others engaged in the same behavior. The motive to act is strengthened if the people observed are just like us or if there happen to be many people engaged in the behavior. Parents know all about this except they call it peer pressure, not consensus.

As a society all too often we make the same mistake the Facebook message makes. Consider the following two scenarios:
Voting – Messaging used to focus on what a shame it was that so few people voted. Shame was used when we were reminded that people died for our right to vote. Result – why go vote when so many others are not. Contrast that with the messaging before the 2008 presidential election, “A record turnout is expected.” That simple message helped change behaviors and we did end up having a record turnout. The thought process for many people was, “I better get there early if I want to vote.” There was an interesting Time magazine article on this, “How Obama is Using the Science of Change.”

Cheating in School – “Back in 1940, only 20 percent of college students admitted to cheating during their academic careers. Today, that number has increased to 75 to 98 percent.” (Education-Portal.com) Interpretation for students – I might as well cheat because everyone else is cheating.

So let’s circle back to the Facebook message and see what might be more effective. Simply replace, “93 % won’t copy and paste this, will you?” with something like this, “After reading this some of my other FB friends took time to copy and paste this onto their wall. I’d appreciate it if you would too.” This change is small but could produce a big result because it appeals to consensus; my Facebook friends, people like you, are doing this.

Beyond Facebook, take a look at how you’re trying to motivate people to action. If you talk about a negative behavior and how so many people are engaging in that behavior you’re probably hurting your attempt to change the behavior. Talk about how many kids aren’t cheating or how few kids were cheating in 2008 vs. some other year. Mention how fewer people are driving drunk or how more people voted than ever in 2008 and that number will go up on 2012. With a little forethought and small changes in your messaging you could see much, much better results for your cause.

Finally, thanks to all of you who forwarded Influence PEOPLE to others last week. I had a nice bump in readership, my third highest week ever, and got some new followers to boot. As I shared in last Monday’s post, someone would win Dr. Cialdin’s book Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Persuasive. Congratulations to the lucky winner Kelli Moore.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Making Your But More Powerful

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This week I had an opportunity to write a guest post for Mike Figliuolo, Managing Director of thoughtLEADERS, LLC – a leadership development and training firm based in Columbus, Ohio. Mike regularly writes for the thoughtLEADERS blog and has written guest posts for Influence PEOPLE so I’m always happy to return the favor. Below is the opening for a guest article I wrote called Making Your But More Powerful.


Last week I read Mike’s article Managerial Miscues: “The But(t) Sandwich” (Reprise) and told him I really liked it but…
The article addressed how people often blow it when it comes to bringing about behavioral changes because all too often they want to appear nice so they say something nice then finish with “but…” and take the other person to the proverbial woodshed. Not effective management.I teach classes on ethical influence and persuasion and one of the things I talk about with people is the power of transitional words like “but” and “however.” We focus on how to strategically use those words to make the most effective presentation because small changes can make a big impact!Here’s the basic teaching point for you to remember when it comes to transitional words – people forget what comes before “but” and focus on what comes after. For example, has anyone ever said this to you, “Honey, I love you but…”? Odds are, all you remembered was the hammer falling after hearing the word “but.” Click here to read the rest of the article at thoughtLEADERS.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Interview with Dr. Cialdini’s Organization INFLUENCE AT WORK

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I had the good fortune of recently being interviewed by Dr. Robert Cialdini’s organization, INFLUENCE AT WORK. Below is the lead in to the interview from his blog, Inside Influence Report.

INFLUENCE AT WORK has over 25 CMCT’s worldwide. These CMCT’s are the only trainers endorsed by Dr. Robert Cialdini and allowed to facilitate the Principles of Persuasion (POP) Workshop®. All CMCT’s must go through rigorous training in order to earn and maintain this prestigious certification. Our goal in this CMCT spotlight feature is to help readers become more familiar with our CMCT’s background, expertise, and insights. Click here if you are interested in more information on our CMCT’s. If you would like more information on our POP Workshops, click here.

This month we are featuring Brian Ahearn, CMCT a corporate trainer for State Auto Insurance Companies from Columbus Ohio. He has been studying Dr. Cialdini’s research and the influence process for 7 years.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

PAVE the Way for New Year’s Resolutions

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If you Google “New Year’s resolution” you’ll find it’s generally defined as a commitment someone makes to do something, or stop doing something, in order to better his/her life in some way. For example, here are some of the most popular New Year’s resolutions people make:

  • Spend more time with family
  • Lose weight
  • Start exercising
  • Quite smoking
  • Quit drinking
  • Get organized
  • Get out of debt

Since these are all very good things, why are they so hard to follow through on? There are as many reasons as there are resolutions, and because you’ve probably heard just about all of them I won’t spend any time on them. Instead I’ll take a different approach, one that might just PAVE the way for success in 2010.

Usually I talk about the principles of influence as a way to motivate other people, to get others to say “Yes!” to you. That’s not what I’m going to share this time. What I’ll share is a way for you to tap into consistency to motivate yourself. Almost all resolutions involve forming or breaking habits. You have to start doing something regularly or stop doing something you’re currently doing to better your life in some way. We’ll take a look at consistency as it pertains to you and four key ways to strengthen its use.

In the study of the principles of influence there’s a powerful motivator called consistency. People feel compelled to act in ways that are consistent with their beliefs and values. They also feel compelled to act in ways that are consistent with what they’ve said or done in the past. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and people perceive us in a more favorable light.

Here are the four keys to strengthen consistency, PAVE the way to success, and increase the chances that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s resolutions.

Public – Any time you make a public statement, whether verbally or in writing, you’re putting yourself on the line. The mere fact that another person knows your intention and might ask you how you’re coming along with your commitment is quite often enough motivation for people to follow through. Share with another person or group of people, your New Year’s resolution AND ask them to hold you accountable.

Active – You have to do something. Merely thinking about a resolution but keeping it to yourself will lead to the same results as people who don’t make resolutions. In other words, nothing will change. This came to light in a study with a group of students who wanted to improve their grades. One group was asked to write their goal down, one group kept their goal in their heads and the last group had no specifics whatsoever. As you can imagine, the group with the written goals succeed, with nearly 90% of students increasing by a full letter grade! With the other two groups the results were almost identical. In each group fewer than 1 in 6 students improved a full letter grade. It’s worth noting, they were all given the same study materials.

Voluntary – This has to be YOUR goal, not someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something, like quite smoking, lose weight or get in shape, because someone told you to, it’s not likely your motivation will last. The goal has to come from you because if it’s forced on you then your desire will not last. Samuel Butler hit the nail on the head when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same opinion still.” If you voluntarily make the commitment you stand a better change of succeeding.

Effortful – It was noted above that you have to actively do something. In other words, making the commitment should require some effort on your part. In fact, the more effort the more likely you are to succeed. Something as simple as writing down your resolution can make a difference, even if you don’t share it with anyone. But, taking the time to share it also fulfills the public requirement which gives you more bang for the buck! Dr. Cialdini puts it this way, “People live up to what they write down.” Commit pen to paper and you’ve greatly increase your odds of success.

So there you have it, a slightly different way to approach some positive changes for the New Year. If you’ve been one to make resolutions and fail then give this approach a try. If you fail again you’re no worse off but you never know, this change in approach might just work for you. And think about how much fun it will be to spend more time with family after you’ve lost that extra weight, started exercising, quit smoking and drinking and have organized a plan to get out of debt! Okay, maybe that’s a bit much but accomplishing at least one would be nice.

I wish you a very happy and successful New Year!

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”