Tag Archive for: Influence Science and Practice

Just Say No

/0 Comments/by

I teach people how to hear “Yes!” In fact, my branding slogan is “Helping You Learn to Hear ‘Yes!’” However, sometimes you have to “just say no” and it’s not always easy. Consider the following:

  • “Just say no to drugs.” Parents and educators used this slogan to combat drugs in school. It’s easier said than done because parents and teachers are not combating the power of peer pressure.
  • Saying no to your boss. This can be especially difficult because some people feel they’re not allowed to say no to anyone who has authority over them. Others feel saying no to the boss is tantamount to admitting weakness.
  • Saying no to your child or spouse. We all want to be liked and hate to disappoint. Both of those feelings are magnified with those we love and quite often we’ll give in to those people in ways we never would with others.

No matter who you are or what the circumstances, learning to say no is extremely important. You may not know this but Robert Cialdini undertook the study of persuasion because he said he was a patsy. He wanted to know why he always said yes to people who made requests of him. Feeling comfortable saying no is so important that each chapter of Cialdini’s best selling book Influence contains ways to combat the principles of influence when you feel they’re being used unethically against you.

I want to quickly share a story with you about our daughter, Abigail, and learning to say no. When she was in the 6th grade her class went to a camp along with other schools and my wife, Jane, went as a chaperon.

Jane said a rule at camp was this; if kids didn’t finish all of their food during mealtime the table had to sing. Abigail’s table didn’t finish all of their food at one meal and was required to sing. Abigail stood with her classmates but didn’t sing because she doesn’t like to sing. The counselor noticed her not singing and let everyone sit down except Abigail. She told Abigail she had to sing.

According to Jane, Abigail told the counselor she didn’t like to sing. The counselor said she’d get Abigail to sing and Abigail replied, “No, you won’t.” A battle of wills ensued. Eventually Abigail’s friend’s stood up and said they’d sing with her but she refused. She never gave in.

Shortly after that Abigail and I were driving and I said, “Mom told me what happened at camp.” I’m sure Abigail thought she was going to get in trouble but instead I said, “I’m really proud of you.” She asked why and I told her, “It’s important to learn to say no because if you don’t some people will take advantage of you. But there can be consequences if you say no to someone who has the right to ask you to do something, like a teacher. So, you have my permission to say no but choose wisely.”

I think parents have much more impact on their kids than they realize, especially when kids know mom or dad has their back. I believe my affirmation of Abigail that day gave her confidence to say no. Throughout high school she said no to sex, drinking, drugs and many other things she didn’t agree with. She said no despite the peer pressure to do otherwise. That strength of character gives me confidence as she gets ready to transition from college to living on her own in the future.

The same logic applies in business. I believe employees who know their boss has their back will feel more comfortable saying no when the situation dictates that’s the right response.

A couple of question to ponder as we close. First, do you give significant people in your life permission to say no? Second, do you work with those same people on how they might say no in a way that’s less offensive but still assertive? Those are two skills that will serve your loved ones and employees well.

Last Year We Lost $3.77 Billion, However…

/1 Comment/by

“Last year we lost $3.77 billion” was the message Warren Buffett had to personally deliver to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders at the 2002 annual meeting. What’s a CEO to do with news that’s as bad as that?

I first learned about this in the summer of 2004 when Robert Cialdini was a guest speaker at several State Auto agency partner meetings. As Cialdini talked about influence and how to frame a message he shared the Buffett story with us.

As many of you know, Warren Buffett is one of the richest men in the world and Berkshire Hathaway has recovered quite nicely from its disastrous 2001. Nonetheless, having to tell shareholders their company value decreased by nearly $4 billion (6.2% in total value) was not something Buffet looked forward to. Fortunately he and his long time partner Charlie Munger were huge fans of Robert Cialdini and his work on ethical influence.

Let me lay the groundwork for how Buffet delivered his message: From 1965 through 2001, the overall gain in “annual percentage change in per share book value” of the S&P 500 was 4,742%. Not bad! Over the same time period Berkshire Hathaway’s gain was 194,938%!! Yes, you read that correctly, 194,938! (Click here to see the 2001 report). Put another way, if you had invested $1 in the S&P 500 in 1965 it would have been worth $48 by 2001. However, that same $1 invested in Berkshire Hathaway would have been worth $1,950 by the end of 2001. Wow!

So how did Buffett address shareholders? Paraphrasing, he said the following:

“Last year the value of your company went down by $3.77 billion. However, I’d like to remind you that the management team that’s been in place at Berkshire Hathaway for the past 36 years has outperformed the S&P 500 by more than 190,000%.”

Unbelievable! You’re left not focused on the company loss but rather the incredible long-term success of Berkshire Hathaway. What if Buffett had said this?

“I’d like to remind you that the management team that’s been in place at Berkshire for the past 36 years has outperformed the S&P 500 by more than 190,000%. However, last year the value of your company went down by $3.77 billion.”

Ugh! You can feel the difference. Now you’re focused on the loss, not the incredible long-term success of the management team.

I hope you realize the words and facts are the same in both cases. What Buffett realized, and few people pay attention to, is this: people remember what comes after transitional words like “but” and “however.” You know it’s true because you just felt the difference.

If you want to be a master persuader you have to understand this truism and always be conscious of what you want your audience to remember. There are times you want them focused on the negative to prompt action and there are times you want them focused on the positive. How you order the information makes all the difference.

The next time you have to deliver good and bad news think about what you want the audience to remember. Then think about the comparisons that will make your message shine. Last, be sure to order the information correctly. Following these three tips might not make you the next Warren Buffett but they can make you much more persuasive than you are today. Who knows, that might be your first step towards Buffett-like success!

The Politics of Fear: They’re Trying to Scarcity the Hell Out of You

/0 Comments/by

You’ve probably heard people say something like this many times in recently, “I wish candidates would just tell us what they stand for and their plans instead of bashing other candidates.” Those sentiments have probably never been as strong as they are right now with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton going after each other like fighting pit bulls.

Candidates are engaging in is what’s known as “The Politics of Fear.” Many accused Donald Trump of that immediately after his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention. Some pundits called the speech dark and foreboding. Others said it distorted reality as he invoked images of terrorist attacks and police killings. Trump painted a bleak picture and projected himself as the only answer.

But don’t be fooled because Hillary is engaged in the politics of fear, too. She wants her supporters and undecided voters to be scared as hell of a Trump presidency. Her fear messaging wants you to believe he’s a tyrant and will rule like a dictator. One MSNBC commentator went so far to say, diplomatically, Trump would be like a mushroom cloud (i.e., nuclear) when it comes to international relations. Scary!

If we’re all so sick of the negativity, candidate bashing and fear mongering then why do politicians continue to do it? Because fear moves people more than almost anything else.

The principle of scarcity tells us people are moved to action far more by the fear of loss than they are by the thought of gain. Daniel Kahneman, a Noble Prize winner in the field of economics, studied this phenomenon with the late Amos Tversky. Together they proved people are motivated 2.0-2.5 times more to take action by the thought of losing something as opposed to gaining the same thing. Think of it this way; most people will work a lot harder to not lose $100 they already have versus how hard they’ll work to earn an extra $100.

For as long has humans have been around we have instinctively known this and it has not escaped the notice of politicians either. Perhaps the most famous use of fear mongering was President Lyndon Johnson’s television ad when he ran against Senator Barry Goldwater in 1964. The ad shows a little girl in a field with flowers then suddenly there was a nuclear explosion. The ad ended with a deep voice saying, “Vote for President Johnson on November 3. The stakes are too high for you to stay home.” This particular message may not resonate as much today but in the early 1960s there was a real fear of a nuclear confrontation with Russia. The message was clear; nuclear war was a possibility if you voted for Goldwater. Click here to see the iconic commercial.

As the rhetoric ramps up on the march to the November election, don’t expect either candidate to go positive. Governor John Kasich did his best to stay positive in the Republican primaries and it got him nowhere.

As one slings mud, the other will respond. If a candidate doesn’t respond to a negative attack they are seen as weak. Just ask John Kerry about the “swift boat” allegations in 2004.

As much as we say we don’t like it, we will get nothing but doom and gloom combined with personal attacks like we’ve never seen before. But take heart, in all likelihood this will be dull compared to what we’ll experience in 2020 and beyond.

My Chance Encounter with Robert Cialdini

/0 Comments/by

A few weeks ago, a Facebook friend Michael Halbfish, wrote during an exchange, “I am guessing there is a good story to how you wound up with your current career and working with Cialdini.” Michael is correct and I promised him I would share that story, a chance encounter with Robert Cialdini, in a blog post.

Back in 2002, Nancy Edwards, a former coworker at State Auto, stopped by my office to share a video with me and my boss John Petrucci. Nancy had just watched the video in an MBA class at The Ohio State University and thought John and I would appreciate it. How right she was!

The video was of a 2001 Breakfast Briefing presentation Robert Cialdini, PhD., gave at Stanford University. His topic was ethical influence – how to get people to do what you want without resorting to manipulation.

As John and I watched the video a light bulb came on and we could clearly see how the psychology Dr. Cialdini shared made the sales techniques so effective. We acquired a copy of the video for our own use and I began showing it to employees and talking about ways to incorporate the principles of persuasion into everyday things we were doing at work.

Around the same time I signed up for Stanford’s video catalog. In 2003, I received a catalog and noticed the headline for Dr. Cialdini’s video:

Call it Influence, Persuasion

Or Even Manipulation

I was shocked because he was so clear about non-manipulative ways to persuade people. I was so bothered by Stanford’s marketing that I sent them an email. I told them I didn’t know anyone who wanted to be manipulated nor did I know anyone who wanted to be known as a good manipulator. I concluded the email telling Stanford that one word – manipulation – couldn’t help their sales but it sure could be hurting sales.

I never heard from Stanford but some time later my phone rang and it was Chris Cibbarelli, a representative from Robert Cialdini’s organization INFLUENCE AT WORK (IAW). She said she was calling to thank me. Apparently Stanford was changing the marketing of Dr. Cialdini’s video because of my email!

During that call, Chris asked if State Auto ever had guest speakers and let me know Dr. Cialdini traveled the world to talk about ethical influence. I told her we did have speakers for agency events. As fate would have it, the event planner was in my department so I transferred Chris to Robyn Harper. One thing led to another and in the summer of 2004 Dr. Cialdini was a guest speaker at several agency conferences we hosted.

That same summer John and I traveled to Arizona to attend Dr. Cialdini’s two-day Principles of Persuasion Workshop. After that I persisted with John for more than three years to allow me to get certified on behalf of Dr. Cialdini so I could teach the workshop.

In January 2008, I spent a week in Arizona with Dr. Cialdini and the staff at IAW going through the certification process. The process culminated in March 2008 when Gregory Neidert, PhD., a partner at IAW, came to Columbus to audit my first workshop.

That’s the story of my chance encounter with Robert Cialdini. Here we are nearly 10 years later and I’ve hosted more than 50 workshops, have been blogging for more than seven years and have been using Influence PEOPLE to help people attain more professional success and personal happiness using the principles of influence.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “And that’s the rest of the story.”

Would You Stop at the Store on Your Way Home?

/0 Comments/by

What’s the most powerful principle of influence when it comes to sales? That’s a typical question I get from salespeople who attend my sales training or keynote presentations. While the situation usually dictates which principle to use, I believe the principle of consistency is perhaps the most powerful principle of influence when it comes to making a sale.

Why do I believe this? Because good salespeople talk way less than their prospective customers. Shocker! Having studied sales for more than 20 years and reading countless books, magazines and blogs, I can tell you the conventional wisdom is good sales people talk only 25%-30% of the time.

That wisdom might go against your experience as a consumer but I would venture to guess the salesperson you’re thinking of who droned on and on and on was not a “good” salesperson. Quite the contrary, they were probably average at best and more likely downright bad!

The principle of consistency tells us people feel internal psychological pressure as well as external social pressure to be consistent in what they say and do. This is so because we feel good about ourselves when we do what we say and others view us positively when we live up to our word. That’s powerful motivation from within and without!

How does consistency come into play for a salesperson? Good salespeople recognize this principle and learn to ask the right questions in order to find out what customers need and want. They also use questions to highlight their offering in a way that aligns with what customers say they’re looking for. In the principles of persuasion workshop, I share with participants this wisdom, “People don’t resist their own values.”

Let me paint a picture: Imagine your spouse, significant other or someone else asking, “Would you stop at the store on the way home to get…?” If the store is a good bit out of your way, perhaps taking an extra 30 minutes, you might hesitate to say yes because that’s somewhat inconvenient. However, if the store is right on the route you normally take to get home it’s probably no problem at all to make a quick stop.

That word picture applies to your questions. When you ask the right questions early on and then clearly show the potential client that what you’re offering lines up with what they said they want and need, getting to “Yes” is pretty darn easy. But, if you don’t ask good questions you’ll have to work harder to talk them into what you’re offering. That’s where people feel “sold” and as author and sales trainer Jeffrey Gitomer says, “People don’t like to be sold but they love to buy.”

So make the buying experience easy for people and yourself. Know your product, your competition and most importantly, know the right questions to ask your prospective customers. Do this and your sales are sure to increase.

Influencers from Around the World – How to Persuade Yourself to Re-set Your Priorities in Life

/0 Comments/by

Hoh Kim has been a guest blogger for Influence PEOPLE since I began the Influencers from Around the World series seven years ago. Hoh and I became friends when we went through the Cialdini certification training together.

Hoh has his Ph.D. in Culture Technology from Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology; his dissertation title was “Psychological and neural influences of public apology on audience responses in corporate crisis situations.” I know you’ll enjoy his post that reflects on life and death.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

How to Persuade Yourself to Re-set Your Priorities in Life

Death has power. Even thinking about death influences our emotions. What power will it have for you? Thinking about my own death makes me to reflect my life. Yes, my life as a whole, not just the career success or marriage or kids, my whole life as a “grand picture.”

If you reflect from the future and look back on your life as a whole it will let you know what your priorities should be. Think about it for a moment; if I die at the end of this year my colleagues will not be a priority but my closest friends and family will be. If I die in the next year a promotion will not be my priority but spending more time with my loved ones, traveling, or happy times in the my home will be. If I die in three years, networking dinners or cocktail parties will not be my priorities but learning carpenter skills, which I’ve wanted to do for many years, will be. But I didn’t take action…

Of course, I don’t mean you have to quit your job right away and travel around the world with your friends and family starting tomorrow. Thinking about my death expands my viewpoint on life as a whole because I look at the big pictures and priorities.

There is a tool that can help you to think about your death: Obituary written by yourself before you die (here, “before” could mean from one year before to 40+ years before).

Visit your preferred news website and find your preferred people who already passed away. Read their obituaries and try to write your own one. You may already read the story. Some people actually wrote their obituaries before they die.

I have a draft and sometimes I revise it. It helps me to think about my life as a whole and set my priorities. Even you can ask trusted friends and loved ones to write your obituary from their perspectives.

What is it to do with the persuasion? Writing your own obituary and thinking about your death in the future will persuade you to reset your current life priorities. Your death has a real power because thinking about death makes us think about life.

HohHoh Kim, Ph.D.
Founder, Head Coach & Lead
Facilitator, THE LAB h
E-mail: hoh.kim@thelabh.com
Home: www.THELABh.com

Get Everything You Want Every Time All the Time – NOT!

/2 Comments/by

If you read this post it’s guaranteed you’ll get everything you want every time, all the time. Of course that’s not true but it’s what some people would like you to believe because people love the easy way out. Let me read a book, read a blog post and I’m good.

Understanding the science of influence is no guarantee that you’ll always get what you want any more than understanding how to live healthy ensures you’ll never get sick.

But, knowing how to ethically influence others will increase the odds that you’ll get what you want more often, just like living a healthy lifestyle will increase your chance to live longer and in better health. Neither is guaranteed but smart people would do well to listen to science in both cases and do their best to employ it.

This came to mind recently when I wrote about Southwest Airlines and how I didn’t get what I wanted. A reader emailed me and wrote, “I thought you were an expert on persuasion? How come you couldn’t use your ability, knowledge and experience to persuade the airline otherwise? Not a very good advert for you talents I’d suggest.”

I replied and in his follow-up email he apologized saying his email was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. We had a good exchange but it got me thinking about this issue of failure.

Failure isn’t always bad because sometimes it can be used to your advantage. The principle of authority is based on two factors – credibility and expertise. You have to be an expert to leverage the principle but you also have to be credible. Did you know your credibility could be enhanced when you admit weakness? That’s so because you gain trust.

Here’s the reality – no person gets what they want all the time. As I noted in the opening, there are books, blogs and speakers who will tell you that you can, but don’t fall for it!

Consider this; Dr. Robert Cialdini, author of Influence Science and Practice, the most cited living social psychologist in the world on the topic of persuasion, sometimes doesn’t get what he wants. On one of his CDs he shared a story where he failed to persuade someone working at the gym he belonged to to allow him to use the phone after he’d locked his keys in his car. Sounds simple enough to persuade a guy folding towels for such a small favor but Cialdini couldn’t do so on that particular day.

If the recognized authority on influence can fail on occasion then I don’t feel so bad for not being able to persuade Southwest Airlines to bend their rules for me. And trust me, you will fail too!

Two people can go to the same physician, trainer, or life coach and do everything the same but get different results. However, I would venture to guess both people would be better off following the sound advice.

The science of influence is based on nearly 70 years of research, not someone’s good advice. If you learn what the science says, then look for opportunities to ethically and correctly approach situations using that science, you will be more persuasive most of the time. You can take that to the bank.

As for me, I did fail in my attempt to persuade Southwest. However, I turned lemons into lemonade because I got not one but two blog posts from the experience. On top of that, I learned a few things and I hope you did as well.

What Reciprocity Is and What It Is Not

/2 Comments/by
We’re knee deep in the holiday season, the traditional time of gift giving in many parts of the world. There is also quite a bit of reciprocation that happens during this season. I write that because quite often we give gifts to other people because we know they will be giving us a gift. God forbid we aren’t ready to exchange gifts because most people feel awkward when they receive a gift but don’t have something to give in return. To avoid that feeling have you ever run out to buy a gift or holiday card from someone and quickly stuck it in the mail because they gave you a card or gift first? That’s reciprocity working its magic on you.

The principle of influence known as reciprocity defines human behavior that’s been around as long as mankind: we feel obligated to give back to those who first give to us. We’ve been conditioned to give in return because over the course of evolution we learned we are all better off when we help those who’ve helped us first

I’m sure every person reading this understands the principle of reciprocity and my definition only serves to make them think, “I already know that.” What most people don’t really understand is how to engage the principle because all too often I read articles and blog posts from marketers, sales trainers, and others who like to cite Robert Cialdini’s work…but do so incorrectly!

I recently read a blog post on getting consumers to say yes using reciprocity and two examples were used:

“But 4 get 1 free”

“Free gift/shipping when purchase for $60 or more”

Neither example is an application of the principle of reciprocity. Do you know why?

As noted earlier, reciprocity is engaged when you’ve given to someone or done something for another person first.

That feeling of indebtedness makes the other person want to “return the favor” so to speak. Neither example used in the article I cited above did anything for the consumer or gave them anything in advance. In each case what they were actually offering was a reward. Rewards are predicated on an, “If you…, I will…” basis. Both of the above examples were actually rewards that could read:

“If you buy four you’ll get one more for free.”

“If you buy $60 or more in goods your shipping will be free.”

Think about it for a moment. You can’t get “one more for free” or “free shipping” unless you do something first.

Make no mistake about it; rewards motivate behavior. There are decades of studies to back that up and it’s a fact that rewards are more effective than the threat of punishment.

The word “free” is a big motivator too. Dan Ariely brilliantly points that out in a chapter from Predictably Irrational called “The Cost of Zero Cost: We Often Pay Too Much When We Pay Nothing.” All too often we’ll go out of our way to get something free. For example, have you ever purchased extra items on Amazon so you’d spend enough to get free shipping? People spend a lot more money to get “free” stuff!

Rewards change behavior but some studies show you can engage people with reciprocity by giving a much smaller gift in lieu of a large reward and get a better result. In workshops I often share a study in which owners of a construction company were either offered a $50 reward for completing a survey or given a $5 check up front in consideration of their time. Only 23% who were offered the $50 reward completed the survey but 52% who received the $5 check up front did so. And the savings was anywhere from 57% to 77% depending on how many ultimately cashed the $5 check.

As a business owner, if you knew you could more than double your response rate and save 50%, 60%, 70% or more by going the reciprocity option instead of the traditional reward route, wouldn’t you choose the reciprocity option? Of course you would…and now you will going forward.

I don’t point this out to be nit picky or combative. Rather, I point this out because when I teach people about persuasion I tell them, “If you use the principles ethically and correctly you will get more people saying yes to you.” If people think they’re using principles correctly but they’re not, then they won’t see the results they hoped for. That leads to people thinking, “It sounds good when Brian says it, or when Dr. Cialdini writes about it, but it doesn’t’ work in the real world.” It does work but only if you do it the right way.

Here’s my final thought – if you want to engage people in a low cost, easy to implement, sure fire way to motivate the behavior you want, save yourself time and money by going the reciprocity route in lieu of using traditional rewards.

Halo Good Looking! Are You as Talented as I Think?

/0 Comments/by

Have you heard of the “halo effect?” For those with teens, I’m not talking about the Xbox game your kids might be playing where they seek to destroy aliens. The halo effect can be more insidious than the game when it leads us to harmful decisions.

Let me describe the halo effect for you:

  • You meet a tall, broad shouldered man, the new boss, and instantly assume he’s a good leader.
  • You’re interviewing a former college athlete, someone who set records at your alma mater, and you think her training habits will translate into a successful business career.
  • You’re introduced to someone and learn they have the IQ of a genius, which leads you to believe he would be a great asset to your organization.

Do you get the picture? The halo effect leads us to make all kinds of assumptions about someone based on a few attributes that may have no bearing on the skills, abilities, or talents needed for the current role.

Tall men are looked upon as being better leaders. That’s part of the reason taller men usually win political elections.

Sure, we can think of exceptions, like Napoleon, but when we do we attribute their success to something like “the little man syndrome.” We assume they had to try harder because they were smaller and wanted to prove everybody wrong. Couldn’t they have simply had the right skills to lead?

Good looking people tend to get elected more, hired more, make more money and get lighter sentences when they commit crimes.

Like much of our thinking, we’re unaware of how our biases affect our decision making. After all, no one would say they voted for someone because of their looks, or paid them more money, or gave them a lighter sentence. But the statistics tell another story.

In the Bible there’s a story about how the Israelites clamored for a king and defaulted to someone who looked the part rather than someone who would have been a good king based on merit. In 1 Samuel 9:2 we read, “He (Kish) had a son whose name was Saul, a choice and handsome man, and there was not a more handsome person than he among the sons of Israel; from his shoulders and up he was taller than any of the people.” Saul ended up being a poor king and was replaced by David, someone who didn’t look the part but was the greatest Israelite king.

You might be thinking about all the athletes who’ve done well in careers after their competitive days are over. There are many examples but that’s partly due to the fact that we seldom hear about the failures or those who only do as well as the average person. When we do hear about the failures, we just assume they were the exceptions, and we would never be so foolish.

It’s often assumed the smartest people, those with the best grades and highest IQs, will do the best in life. In recent decades something called emotional intelligence (EQ) has challenged the notion that high IQs is what it takes. Studies show those with higher EQs do better than those with high IQs. Still, old habits and legends die hard.

Certainly, tall people can be good leaders, athletes can take what they’ve learned through competition to succeed in business, and sometimes people with high IQs turn out to be wildly successful.

The point of this week’s post is to alert you to how many times irrelevant factors play a big role in our decision making process without us being aware. My advice would simply be this – question your assumptions. Perhaps you’ll find your initial impression was correct, but you might also realize you’re being swayed by factors that have nothing to do with what you’re really trying to assess.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT

How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count Just a Few Ways

/1 Comment/by

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways,” is a famous line from an Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem. Counting the reasons you love someone (or like a friend, enjoy your car, prefer a certain store, etc.) is only good advice if you don’t have to count too high. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say don’t have people count past one hand. Allow me to explain.

I’ve been rereading Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow. If you want a great overview of how your subconscious and conscious minds work then you’ll want to pick up his book. He touches on our irrationality, similar to Dan Ariely’s work in Predictably Irrational, heuristics (click-whir responses) as mentioned by Robert Cialdini in his classic Influence Science and Practice, as well as many other concepts about how our minds work.

As I’ve been reading I’m struck by the reality that our minds work in ways that are quite often opposite of what we might expect. For example, who would be more persuaded to buy a BMW? The person who is asked to list a dozen reasons BMWs are great cars or the person who is asked to list just three reasons? Most people would intuitively guess the person who lists a dozen reasons. After all, if you can come up with 12 reasons it must be a good car, especially when considered against just three reasons. Unfortunately you’d be wrong.

In several different studies cited in Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman clearly show people who are asked to generate fewer reasons are more persuaded than those who have to come up with many more. Why is this the case? If you can easily come up with three reasons you are probably pretty confident a BMW is an excellent car. However, if asked to come up with lots more, and you do so but struggle in the process, you start to wonder if the BMW is really as good as you think. The struggle allows doubt to creep in.

This feature of thinking is common to all people. When we can quickly come up with a few reasons we are for gay marriage or against it, for a political candidate or against the candidate, for tax increases on the wealthy or against them, or for or against anything else, we will be even more confident that our position (for or against) is the correct decision. However, if asked to list many more reasons we might just wonder how strong our case really is.

Pause to consider this if you happen to be in marketing or sales. Inundating people with reasons your product or service is the best might not work as well as hammering home three to five reasons because your prospective customer will probably easily recall two or three of those reasons. However, a laundry list of why your offer is so great will only work against you!

There’s a saying, “Sometimes less is more,” and it’s certainly the case when you want someone to believe your product or service is the right one for him or her. By the same token, when it comes to love, “How do I love the? Let me count the ways,” will work much better if you save your loved one some time and energy and just ask them to tell you two or three things they love about you!