Tag Archive for: psychology of persuasion

The Upside and Downside of Fixed-Action Patterns

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I’ve been having a hard time with something lately — brushing my teeth. Some of you are thinking that’s gross but don’t worry, I brush several times a day and floss too. I guess my problem is really with the toothpaste container. Jane bought Colgate Total, fine toothpaste by the way, but it comes in a stand up tube. While it seems convenient to have the tube on the countertop so I can quickly grab it I don’t find myself doing that. It seems like every time I go to brush my teeth I open the left drawer at the bathroom counter. It’s a small irritation except that I make the same mistake over and over and over. Fortunately there’s a bright side — it inspired this week’s blog post.
Why do I keep making the same mistake time and time again? Simple; I have a set way of going about brushing my teeth that’s served me well for a long time and it’s a hard habit to break. You might say I have “fixed-action pattern.” A daily ritual like this makes my fixed-action pattern very apparent but lest you laugh at me beware because you have them too.In his best-selling book Influence Science and Practice, Dr. Cialdini talks about fixed-action patterns in the animal kingdom which are inborn to ensure survival. When it comes to people he wrote, “The automatic behavior patterns of humans tend to be learned rather than inborn, more flexible than the lock-step patterns of the lower animals, and responsive to a larger number of triggers.” He goes on the say, “we, too, have our preprogrammed tapes; and, although they usually work to our advantage, the trigger features that activate them can dupe us into playing the tapes at the wrong times.” In humans these patterns are developed because we eventually find what works best for us (toothpaste in the left drawer) and stick with it. It makes life easier because it simplifies decision making and saves time. They trigger an almost automatic response in many cases. For example, if you are looking to buy a new computer you might turn to someone you know (liking) because they know much more about computers (authority) than you or most salespeople do. Something like this usually works out well because it saves time, headaches and money. We’ve probably all done this at one time or another when looking for a computer, car, phone or some other relatively expensive item where you feel you lack sufficient knowledge.Of course there can be a downside too. As I wrote, the toothpaste thing is just a minor irritant but there are some people who prey on these automatic responses because they know they can get what they want before you realize what happened. One example was in the Influencers From Around the World article a few weeks ago by Marco Germani. He shared how the Italian prime minister used liking to sidestep criticism over allegations of improprieties with a 17 year-old girl. From what I gather Silvio Berusconi didn’t seem to suffer much for his actions. I’ve taken taekwondo for many years but I don’t intend to go beat up anyone. My goal was to learn how to defend myself because I know there are bad people out there who might just try to harm me or my family. Understanding the principles of influence, and your own mindless tendencies, can be your self defense against unethical people who would try to take advantage of you.As you read Influence PEOPLE, keep an eye on how you can ethically utilize the principles to create a win-win situation for you and those you deal with. At the same time keep an eye out for those who would seek to do you harm. In the end you might just help a lot of people and keep yourself safe.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

People Buy Based on Emotion and Justify with Logic

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In sales it’s common to hear, “People buy based on emotion then justify after the fact with logic.” If you’re in sales that’s not a newsflash but it’s worth exploring little more because the implications go beyond sales when it comes to your ability to influence people.

Feelings are incredibly powerful and no matter how much we’d like to believe we’re rational creatures who occasionally act emotionally, the truth is, we’re actually emotional beings who occasionally act rationally. Economists would have us believe that people always act in a rational manner, trying to maximize gain, but if you’ve read Dan Ariely’s work, Predictably Irrational orThe Upside of Irrationality, then you know quite often people don’t act in rational ways and don’t always maximize their gain.

Why is this so often the case? I believe it’s because of how we’re wired; how our brains work. When I say the word “elephant” if you’re like most people you have a picture of an elephant in your mind. Your picture might be an African elephant with tusks, a smaller Asian elephant without dusks, the lovable Dumbo, or perhaps an elephant toy you played with as a child. Whatever the case, you had a picture in your mind and that’s because we translate words into pictures.
Next in the process come feelings. Your elephant picture might generate certain feelings for you. Perhaps you had memories of a movie you saw and remembered seeing an elephant, maybe you thought of a trip to the zoo, or you had feelings because of the toy you played with. Those thoughts turned into a picture which led to some feelings for you.It’s those feelings that ultimately lead to action. So the process is this; words create pictures, picture lead to feelings, and feelings culminate in actions. Understanding that to be the case we’re confronted with
the reality that the words we use can make a big difference in influencing people’s behavior.
I was in Indianapolis towards the end of 2010 to conduct a sales skills workshop and we spent time on this very topic. I put up some word sets and asked people questions like the following:

Which do you prefer; buying or owning?
Which appeals to you more; spending or investing?
Would you rather buy a cheap car or an inexpensive car?

If you’re like the vast majority (more than 9 in 10) who took an online survey I conducted, or those who participated in my workshop discussion, then you prefer owning things, investing your money and you’ll buy the inexpensive car, not the cheap one. Why were the results so lopsided? Simple, the preferred words translate into more positive feelings despite the fact that in each case both words might be used to mean the same thing.People typically say they prefer to own something rather than to buy it because that word makes them think about the pleasure of possessing and using something as opposed to pulling out their wallet to pay. Don’t you think the smart salesperson will talk about the benefits of owning their product or service instead of buying the product or service? Sure they will!When it comes to investing rather than spending it’s because people see that as a way to grow their money whereas spending feels like sending you money away forever. When it comes to budgeting you might have a better chance of getting some things approved by talking about “investing in” as opposed to “spending on” because investing will make your budget committee a little more focused in their potential return.Lastly, cheap conjures up thoughts of poor quality but inexpensive simply means something doesn’t cost much. So the unsuspecting person trying to sell their car only hurts their chances to make the sale because they advertised the price using the word cheap.Again, words lead to pictures
which generate feelings that prompt behavior. With that understanding you need to pause, consider your audience and consider your message. What will they think and feel because of the words you use? I’m not going to tell you everyone will react as you want because you use a few different words here and there but sometimes all it takes is moving a few more people to ultimately make a big difference. A few extra sales could make the difference in being #1 instead of #2, or winning an incentive contest. Or perhaps one more person on the budget committee will see the value in your suggestion resulting in you getting the green light. You can bank on this; making some strategic changes won’t hurt your chances to persuade but they might increase them significantly.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – Berlusconi and the Principle of Liking

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To start the New Year the Influencers from Around the World post is from my Italian friend Marco Germani. I had the pleasure of talking to AND seeing Marco the day after Christmas. I didn’t go to Rome, instead we used our iPhones. I also got to “meet” his wife Monika and their six month old son Martin. Technology is amazing! I’m sure you’ll enjoy Marco’s insights on how the principle of liking helped a famous politician in his native Italy. Feel free to reach out to Marco on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.Berlusconi and the Principle of LikingHe did it again. I am talking about one of the most famous prime ministers of the world, often for all the wrong reasons, my fellow-countryman Silvio Berlusconi. I guess his fame crossed the ocean and even in the U.S., people are aware of his tendency to have affairs with teenage girls and being caught. This already cost him his marriage and a number of scandals in the press. I guess President Clinton in comparison was a saint, or at least a bit smarter in not being caught so often. A few weeks ago, a 17-year old girl called Rudy, confessed to the press she has been invited several times in the previous months to attend parties with Silvio and friends and she gave to the press sordid details of what was going on in the Presidential Palace during those nights. Hot stuff, I tell you! Let’s see how Silvio took advantage of the principle of liking to turn the public opinion in his favour, even in a very compromising and critical situation.
When informed of what the girl just said, he didn’t try to deny it. He didn’t get upset or promise legal battles to his political enemies, who this time also were paying a girl to speak false against him and destroy his political figure. He stated instead: “I love life, I love women, I am like this, this is my nature.” Surprisingly, a majority of the public in Italy took Silvio’s side and, most surprisingly still, many Italian women started to defend him! What happened? Two different effects:
1) By not trying to lie or deceive Italian people, Silvio appeared as an honest, sincere person, who was not afraid to display his weaknesses and, by the way, is loving life and loving women really a weakness? 2) Many men, who also cheat on their wives or have affairs, saw their behaviour legitimized by an authority figure; i.e., the prime minister. If the highest official of the Italian government can do it, why can’t I? Maybe I am not so evil, this is ordinary behaviour, and everybody does it in the end. Women also, are often very intrigued by a man who can’t control his passions and must feed them continuously, even putting his political power in danger because of them. Power attracts women and a person with power who passionately loves women is a strong attraction for many of them. One famous Italian actress, Lory del Santo (the former wife of Eric Clapton, by the way), publicly proposed to Silvio as a lover, after his statements, writing a poem to him and telling him she could bring him to unattained before heights of pleasure. By using the principle of liking, Silvio saved face again and avoided the risk of being swept away by the scandal. Probably he did it on purpose, maybe not. What counts is that it worked!MarcoSome people have emailed me about the ethics on this article. Here’s what Marco shared with me: First of I all, it is my duty as an Italian citizen to specify that, culturally, in Italy it is NOT OK for the nation’s leaders to have this kind of behavior. Let us not forget we have the Pope and Rome has been the hearth of Catholic Church in the world for centuries now, which should give some hints about the morals standards over here…. On the other hand, I personally see the study of the principles of persuasion as a science, whose objective is to understand them and, at the same time, being able to use them and defend ourselves from them when used in an unethical way (like in this case). Knowing that Berlusconi is using the principle of liking, gives us the option to understand what he’s doing and seeing it for what it really is, beside the natural feeling of liking we can feel toward him, given by the power of this principle. In my article, I never say what he did was right or wrong, I am only observing it as a scientist, and then everybody can draw their own conclusions.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Will You Be Making New Year’s Resolutions?

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Will you be making New Year’s resolutions in a few days? If so, then you’ll want to read on IF you want to have a realistic shot at making those resolutions stick. I blogged about this last year, but with so many new readers and so many people making New Year’s resolutions I thought it would be good to revisit this topic.If you Google “New Year’s resolution” you’ll find it’s generally defined as a commitment someone makes to do something, or stop doing something, in order to better his/her life in some way. Here are some of the most popular New Year’s resolutions people make:

  • Spend more time with family
  • Lose weight
  • Start exercising
  • Quite smoking
  • Quit drinking
  • Get organized
  • Get out of debt

In one study, 52% of people making resolutions were confident of achieving them yet only 12% actually did so. The list above is admirable so why are these goals so hard to follow through on for the vast majority of people? There are probably as many reasons as there are resolutions but we don’t need to spend time on them because you’ve probably heard just about all of them…and perhaps even used a few yourselves! As I did last year, what I’ll do is share an approach that might help you PAVE the way for success in the New Year.

When I write or talk about the principles of influence it’s typically to help people get others to say “Yes!” to them. But that’s not what I’m going to share in this post. In the study of persuasion there’s a powerful motivator of behavior known as “consistency.” This principle says that people feel compelled to act in ways that are consistent with their beliefs and values as well as what they’ve said or done in the past. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and people perceive us in a more favorable light which adds to our authority.What I want to do is give you a way to tap into the principle of consistency that will motivate you to follow through on your New Year’s resolutions. Almost all resolutions involve forming or breaking habits so that means you have to start doing something regularly or stop doing something you’re currently doing. In either case the goal is to improve your life. We are going to take a look at consistency as it pertains to you and four simple ways to strengthen its use. These simple ideas will PAVE the way to your success because they’ll increase the odds that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s resolutions.

Public – Any time you make a public statement, whether verbally or in writing, you’re putting yourself on the line. The mere fact that another person knows your intention and might ask you how you’re coming along with your commitment is quite often enough motivation for people to follow through. Recommendation #1 – Share with another person or group of people, your New Year’s resolution and ask them to hold you accountable.Active – You have to actively do something. Merely thinking about a resolution but keeping it to yourself will lead to the same results as people who don’t make resolutions. In other words, nothing will change. This came to light in a study with a group of students who wanted to improve their grades. One group was asked to write their goals down, one group kept their goals in their heads and the last group had no specifics whatsoever. As you can imagine, the group with the written goals succeed, with nearly 90% of students increasing by a full letter grade! With the other two groups the results were almost identical. In each group fewer than 1 in 6 students improved a full letter grade. It’s worth noting, they were all given the same study materials. Recommendation #2 – Make sure you have to take some active step. It could be as simple as buying a book to help you learn more about the change you want to make.

Voluntary – This has to be YOUR goal, not someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something, like quite smoking, lose weight, or get in shape, it’s not likely your motivation will last if someone told you to do it. The goal has to come from you because if it’s forced on you it’s not likely your desire will last long. Samuel Butler said it best when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same opinion still.” Recommendation #3 – Make sure it’s something you want to do.

Effortful – It was noted above that you have to actively do something. In other words, making the commitment should require some effort on your part. In fact, the more effort, the more likely you are to succeed. Something as simple as writing down your resolution can make a difference, even if you don’t share it with anyone. But, taking the time to share it also fulfills the public requirement which gives you more bang for the buck! Dr. Robert Cialdini puts it this way, “People live up to what they write down.” Recommendation #4 – Commit pen to paper and you’ll increase your chance for success significantly.

None of what I just shared is new but I’m willing to bet many of you have not taken many, if any, of the four steps listed above. Sometimes all it takes is to see things in a new and different light for it to resonate. If you’ve been one to make resolutions in the past and fail, then give this different approach a try. If you fail again you’re no worse off but this change in approach might just work for you. Good luck and Happy New Year to all of you!By the way, my resolution, goal if you will, for 2011 is to drop some weight. I’ve not watched my diet lately and I’ve gotten our of shape so I’ll make a public, active, voluntary, effortful commitment to get down from 215 lbs to 195 lbs by April 20th. Anyone care to publicly jump in with me on some goal? If so just add your comment below.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Personality Types and Persuasion Approaches

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In May I wrote an article on what I thought were the best ways to persuade people when you had a handle on their personality type. I came to find out there were no studies on influence approaches and personality types so I decided to conduct my own research in the form of an online survey in June.

In mid-July I published my findings in a series of articles. The information really resonated with readers and because the response was so overwhelming I decided to pull all the posts together so you could quickly find whatever information you wanted.

Influence Approaches for Different Personality Types – This was this initial article where I proposed what I thought would be the best influence approaches based on the personality type you were dealing with.

Personality Type and Decision Influencers – Invitation to Take the Survey – After realizing there was no research on this I constructed a survey and invited readers to share their opinions on what would persuade them to take action in different situations.

Survey Overview – Before presenting the details I gave people an overview of the survey, my intent, logic and some shortcomings I noticed.

The Thinker/Analytical Personality – This post looked at the logical, analytical personality type. Albert Einstein is a good person to picture when you picture this type of person.

The Facilitator/Amiable Personality – This article focused on the warm, friendly person. Sandra Bullock was who I thought of with this personality type.

The Expressive/Influencer Personality – This covered the outgoing, networking type of individual. Oprah Winfrey was who came to mind when I thought of people in this class.

The Driver/Pragmatic Personality – This last post explored the hard charging, decisive leader personality. Jack Welch, former CEO of GE, was a good person archetype for this category.

Survey Questions and Results – I ended the series by sharing the actual survey and detailed results for each question and each personality type.

I hope you find the information helpful as you interact with different types of people and attempt to persuade them. If you have questions just comment below and I’ll do my best to answer.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Parenting Made Easier with Influence

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Today, December 6, is our daughter Abigail’s 15th birthday. I can still remember looking at her in the crib thinking, “I can’t believe she’s been with us a hundred days.” Wow, does time fly! In just over three years she’ll be heading off to college and no matter where you are in the world you might hear me crying because I’ll miss seeing her every day.

To say that raising Abigail has been one of the biggest joys in my life would be an understatement. The only person luckier than me will be the man who spends the rest of his life with her. She is beautiful, fun, intelligent, has a great sense of humor, thinks deeply, is athletic and so much more. Jane and I have been very fortunate because for the most part she’s been an easy kid to raise. However, I also know some of that ease has been due to good parenting and that’s the focus of this week’s post.

I’m no child psychologist or parenting expert by any means but I have learned enough about psychology to effectively use the principles of influence in the process of raising Abigail. I believe that’s been incredibly helpful so what I’d like to do is share a few things I’ve tried and hopefully it will stimulate some ideas for you.

Liking – It’s not our job to be Abigail’s friend but it’s no secret that if your kids like you they’ll be more apt to do what you ask. We go out of our way to make sure she knows how much she’s loved and that certainly helps us as parents. For a really good parenting idea check out my post on something we call Special Day.

Reciprocity – Most parents give kids an allowance and we’re no exception. An allowance however doesn’t engage reciprocity because it’s a reward, not a gift. To engage this principle you need to be the first to act.

One way I effectively used reciprocity this summer was to give Abigail a raise in her allowance before I asked anything of her. I didn’t say, “If you’ll cut the grass I’ll give you a raise,” because she would have declined (she hates cutting the grass!). What I did was give her a raise then about a week later asked her to cut the grass. She protested a little until I said, “Abigail, I gave you a raise in your allowance and didn’t ask you to do anything. Can’t you help me out?” She cut the grass.

Consensus – This one is always at play with teenagers but most of the time parents are fighting against it because of “peer pressure” and Jane and I are no different. Rather than go into detail on on how we’ve handle the pressure to conform I’ll refer you to the post I wrote on helping teens deal with peer pressure.

Authority – It’s always good to have an outside expert come to your aid. One situation that comes to mind is eating dinner together. It’s become all too common for families to not eat dinner together and when they do it’s often in front of the television. I won’t tell you we eat together every night but we do most evenings because we know it’s a great way to stay connected. Referring to a simple fact from an expert, like most happy families eat together, helps deflect the common question, “Can’t we eat in front of the TV?”Here’s a funny, but not totally ethical, story. When Abigail was very little she didn’t like certain foods and our pleading with her didn’t help. One day Jane acted like Abigail’s doctor was on the phone. As soon as she said, “Abigail, Dr. Klinger says you need to eat your vegetables,” she ate them. Not ethical but effective because even as a little girl she knew he was an authority.
Consistency – I spend a lot of time talking to Abigail and have ever since I can remember. When something we ask her to do goes well I make sure to point that out because it acts as a mile marker down the road. The reason I do that is because it makes the next request easier. For example, I can say, “Abigail, you know I love you right? And you know mom and I want you to be happy and have fun, right? Last time we asked you to do [fill in the blank] it turned out well, didn’t it?” See where I’m going with this? I’ve built on a series of consistent “Yes” responses to get her buy-in. She knows we love her, that we want her to enjoy life and know we’ve given good advice in the past. Reminding her of those things makes it easier for her to say “Yes” to whatever we’re asking of her currently.
Scarcity – We try not to pull the threat lever too often but that is a legitimate use of scarcity. As parents we’ve all had to say, “If you don’t [fill in the blank] you’ll lose the privilege to [fill in the blank].” I do think effectively using the other principles of influence greatly reduces the need to have those kinds of tough talks with your kids. One area I was able to use scarcity was with club volleyball last year. Abigail wasn’t big on the idea of playing but I let her know if she didn’t there was probably no way she’d make the high school team. Knowing she was going to a new school where she didn’t know anyone we all agreed being on the volleyball team would be a good way to start the high school experience. Although she would have rather done things other than club volleyball she went ahead and played.
Please don’t think that using the principles is a surefire guarantee to hear “Yes” every time because it’s not. What I can tell you with confidence is that your children will say “Yes” more often if you effectively use the principles of influence – and all of this is backed by science and the understanding of human psychology. I encourage you to give it a try. It’s made our lives easier and I know it can do the same for you.PS The reason for the 4:38 AM post this week is because that’s exactly when Abigail came into the world 15 years ago. Happy Birthday Abigail, Love Dad!!
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

The Joy of Winning vs. The Pain of Losing

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A few days before the big weekend of turkey and football, I saw the following quote on ESPN.com regarding the Iron Bowl—the intense Alabama–Auburn rivalry:

“The fear of losing the game is worse than the joy of winning and participating.”

That statement came from David Housel, retired athletic director at Auburn, and it was repeated during the game by Gary Danielson, one of the CBS broadcasters covering the matchup.

There’s a principle of influence known as scarcity that illustrates Housel’s point perfectly: people are more motivated by what they stand to lose than by what they stand to gain.

In simple terms, if you’re like most people, you’d feel more pain from losing $100 than pleasure from finding or winning $100. In fact, according to some behavioral economics studies, the pain of loss is about twice as powerful as the pleasure of gain.

Was Alfred, Lord Tennyson correct when he wrote, “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”?I’m willing to bet that some who loved, lost, and never loved again might beg to differ.

Now, I’m not advocating avoiding love. But you’d do well to consider carefully who you give your heart to, because the potential pain could outweigh the perceived joy.

So, how can this insight into scarcity help you?

Two ways:

  1. Motivating people to take action.

  2. Avoiding unnecessary or impulsive actions yourself.

If you want to motivate people to act, scarcity can be a powerful ally. When you make a request, is there a legitimate downside if the other person doesn’t take action? If so, make that downside part of your message.

For example, where I work, we have to renew our benefits each year by selecting exactly what we want. A reminder like, “If you don’t select your benefits by November 19, you won’t have any,” is a surefire way to get people moving. Nobody wants to lose their health benefits.

On the flip side, some people use scarcity in less-than-ethical ways.

Have you ever had a home repair salesman—roofing, siding, painting—tell you at the end of a presentation:

“This discounted price is only good today because I have so many other clients to see. If I have to make a return trip, I won’t be able to offer you this price.”

If you hear something like that, consider toying with the salesperson a bit:

“So if I call you tomorrow ready to buy, you’re telling me I can’t have this price? You’d rather go spend 90 minutes with someone who probably won’t buy than return to make a guaranteed sale in 15 minutes? Good luck with that strategy.”

Then politely show them the door. You don’t need to deal with someone who’s being manipulative.

Yes, there are times when scarcity is real—supplies run out, deadlines matter—but all too often, that “only good today” line is just that: a line.

During the holiday season, sales often end at certain times, and you may need to act quickly. But it’s always worth asking yourself:

“Am I making this purchase based on the item’s value—or am I just afraid of missing out?”

Fact is, sales come and go so frequently that it’s rare we truly lose a meaningful opportunity.

Now, when it comes to love? If you don’t ask out that person you’ve had your eye on, someone else might—so give that some serious thought. Love can be awesome.

Despite the risks scarcity presents, I’m in the camp that says: go for it, and deal with the consequences later.

Oh, and back to that Iron Bowl: Auburn won 28–27, keeping their national title hopes alive. I suspect the joy Auburn fans felt didn’t come close to the pain experienced by Alabama fans—especially since the game was played at Alabama, and they had a 24–0 lead at one point.

Ouch.

Brian, CMCT

Influence PEOPLE
Helping You Hear “Yes”.

A Thanksgiving Message to People I’m Thankful For

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In a few days most Americans will be celebrating Thanksgiving. There will be turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and lots more food to go along with a day of family and football. It’s the day we pause to give thanks for all the blessings in our lives. Rather than write a regular article I want to take this time to give thanks to many people who’ve been a blessing to me. That’s the principle of liking at work! I encourage you to click on some names and perhaps send a Facebook friend request, follow someone on Twitter or connect with them on LinkedIn because they’re all good, supportive, helpful people. That’s a big reason for my thanks! It’s not that they’re just good to me; I think it’s their nature so here’s a chance to hook up with really good folks if you want to expand your social network. I have to start with my wife Jane and our daughter Abigail. If you follow me on Facebook or have read this blog for any length of time then you know they’re fodder for much of what I write. They’re always great sports about it and they give as good as they get. You should take a look at some of our exchanges because they can be quite funny. When it comes to this blog I’d like to start by saying thanks to Sean Patrick, Marco Germani, Yago de Marta and Hoh Kim. These guys continue to help my readers get a worldwide perspective on influence and persuasion. To see what they have to say tune in on the first Monday of each month for the Influencers from Around the World series. Here are some other people who’ve been very helpful with this blog. George Black got me going on this blog simply because he encouraged me. Next is Mike Figliuolo who’s been a great resource for all my blogging questions. On several occasions I’ve written guest posts for Mike’s blog, thoughtLEADERS, and he’s returned the favor writing some posts for me. Then there’s Michael Franzese who’s provided some very cool drawings for Influence PEOPLE and designed my logo. To see more of his work and read some of his thoughts check out FranzeseInklings. There are lots of Twitter friends who retweet my stuff consistently: James Sims, Marcy Depew, Matt Fox, Maureen Metcalf, Anthony Iannarino, Paul Hebert, Aaron Schaub, Steve Miller, Warren Davies, Jon Wortman, Jim Canterucci, Justin Bryant, Stella Collins, Eldon Edwards, and James Seay. To follow any of them on Twitter just click on their name. Special thanks also need to go to several coworkers. First there’s Debbie Conkel who’s proofread my work for more than 15 years now. She takes her own personal time to read through every blog post for me. Next is my boss John Petrucci. I could not work for a better leader and friend. Imagine the most supportive boss you can then multiply it many times over. And then there’s Nancy Edwards, someone I look to for mentoring. It doesn’t matter if we’re face to face, on the phone or communicating by email; Nancy encourages me every time we interact. When it comes to getting stuff done on the influence side, Chris Cibbarelli is my point person at Dr. Robert Cialdini’s office, Influence At Work. No matter what I need, no matter how quickly, Chris is always there for me. To say she’s a joy to work with would not be a strong enough statement. Finally, I want to say thanks to all of you reading this today. Readership has now reached nearly 150 countries! That’s not something I expected in my wildest dreams when I started blogging. The best gift I could give you to show my appreciation would be to help you find the kinds of online relationships I’ve found. That’s why I hope you will take time to click on some names, start some conversations and make some connections. I know you’ll be glad you did. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving! Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Secret to Happiness

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As Thanksgiving approaches I thought it would be a good time to share something that I believe is a key to the secret to happiness. It’s appropriate at this time because it involves giving thanks and praise. The secret to happiness can be summed up in the following proverb, “Happy is the man who wants what he has.” I encourage you for just a moment to ponder these nine simple words:

Happy is the man who wants what he has.

Why do I believe this is a key to the secret to happiness? First, in life there are unlimited wants and desires but there’s no way they will all be fulfilled. If you allow your focus to dwell on what you don’t have or didn’t achieve that’s a sure recipe for discontentment.

Can you really choose your focus and impact your attitude? Psychologist Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor who spent three years in Nazi concentraion camps, believed you could and wrote in his classic book Man’s Search for Meaning, “Everything can be taken away from a man or woman but one thing: the freedom to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

How does this tie into influence? As I’ve dwelt on that short phrase I’ve learned to make the choice to focus on what I have, not what I don’t have. I try to focus on the good and not the bad. I’m far from perfect when it comes to this but the more I practice as time goes by the better I get.

As for influence I believe focusing on “Happy is the man who wants what he has” ties into the principle of liking. This is a simple principle of influence we’re all familiar with; people generally like those who like them. When I teach about this principle something I share that causes people to pause and think is this; when you try to get someone to like you by tapping into similarities or offering up praise you begin to convince yourself that the other person is likable. In other words, the very same things that will probably cause them to like you will also cause you to like them. It’s a double whammy for your effort!

So how does this play out for me and how can it help you? If you follow me on Facebook you know I post lots of comments about my wife, Jane, and our daughter, Abigail. Most are meant to be funny and sometimes people who don’t know me think I’m living on the edge. I suspect they think I spend many nights sleeping on the couch as punishment for my humorous posts. But, I can honestly say they only nights spent on the couch were the ones where I fell asleep watching television.

What I also try to do with those Facebook posts is praise the ones I love. I’ve had many people comment on how much they can see I love both Jane and Abigail. Whether I post a nice comment, tell someone in person, or make sure to verbalize something positive to Jane or Abigail, liking begins to work on me. If I’m constantly telling people how wonderful, smart, funny, beautiful, etc., they are, don’t you think that makes me appreciate them even more? You bet it does!

Now let’s be honest, using an example of our significant other. There will always be someone who is better looking, funnier, or more intelligent. You can fill in the trait and there’s someone who is “more” than your significant other. However, we can still make the choice to focus on them and all that they are. I tell people if God had come to me and said I could make the perfect mate I would not have gotten someone as wonderful as Jane because I would not have been creative enough nor had enough faith in God. When I think of all I have with her I would not have believed that someone would really embody all that she does. The more I choose to focus on that, the more I appreciate and love her. Is she perfect? Nope, but then neither am I.

So I have a challenge for you as we approach Thanksgiving. Start making the choice today to focus on what you have. That could be your spouse, family, home, friends, job or anything else. Make the choice to focus on the positive and appreciate those people and things. I really believe if you do so, liking will work on you causing you to find more peace, contentment and happiness.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

PEOPLE – The Hope and Hurdle of Leaders

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Last month I had a wonderful opportunity to address a group of people at Franklin University’s monthly Hall Leadership Lessons breakfast gathering. What made the experience extra special for me was the fact that my mom, wife and daughter were all in attendance. As if that were not enough, I had about two dozen friends show up along with many co-workers from State Auto Insurance.

My talk centered on using scientifically proven ways to be a more effective leader. If you think about leadership it implies having people to lead — followers, if you will. As wonderful as it might look on the surface to be a leader, leading people is hard work! There are ups and downs, good and bad, positive and negative when it comes to being a leader because of the people.

I think you’d agree that no leader goes it alone and everyone who’s had a major impact on the world did so by leading others. Jack Welsh, former CEO of General Electric, said, “Nearly everything I’ve done in my life has been accomplished with other people.” Some of you reading this might be thinking, sure Jack Welch can say that because he ran GE and could simply tell people what to do or fire them. Not so fast!

Despite what people might think, very few leaders just tell people what to do. Lyndon B. Johnson, the 36th president of the United States once said, “The only real power available to the leader is the power of persuasion.” Some people say the President is the most powerful person on earth and yet even the president has to win over voters, congressmen and senators.

So leadership happens through people and the best leaders are often the best persuaders. It all sounds good until we confront this reality, “Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you’re in business.” That statement was made more than 75 years ago by Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People. Don’t think this applies just to leading followers. While leaders primarily lead those who report directly to them, quite often they have to also get their bosses and peers to buy in to ideas. Now it’s getting complicated.

So when it comes to leadership people are our hope and our hurdle, our blessing and curse. Leaders will never accomplish great things without a strong supporting cast and getting that same supporting cast to buy into the vision and properly execute it is the ultimate challenge for the leader.

I like to say influence is all about PEOPLE – Powerful EverydayOpportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. Understanding Robert Cialdini’s six principles of influence will allow you to ethically leverage human psychology and make it much more likely to hear that word all leaders want to hear when they make a request of others — “Yes!”

The same day as the Franklin presentation I was interviewed by Audley Stephenson for his weekly blog, Hard Court Leadership Lessons. The focus of that conversation was also influence and leadership so if you’d like to learn more click here to listen to that interview.

Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those of you who took time to come down to Franklin University at 7:30 a.m. last month. I thank you for sacrificing a little sleep in order to learn how to ethically influence in order to be a more effective leader.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.