Tag Archive for: psychology of persuasion

Last Year We Lost $3.77 Billion, However…

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“Last year we lost $3.77 billion” was the message Warren Buffett had to personally deliver to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders at the 2002 annual meeting. What’s a CEO to do with news that’s as bad as that?

I first learned about this in the summer of 2004 when Robert Cialdini was a guest speaker at several State Auto agency partner meetings. As Cialdini talked about influence and how to frame a message he shared the Buffett story with us.

As many of you know, Warren Buffett is one of the richest men in the world and Berkshire Hathaway has recovered quite nicely from its disastrous 2001. Nonetheless, having to tell shareholders their company value decreased by nearly $4 billion (6.2% in total value) was not something Buffet looked forward to. Fortunately he and his long time partner Charlie Munger were huge fans of Robert Cialdini and his work on ethical influence.

Let me lay the groundwork for how Buffet delivered his message: From 1965 through 2001, the overall gain in “annual percentage change in per share book value” of the S&P 500 was 4,742%. Not bad! Over the same time period Berkshire Hathaway’s gain was 194,938%!! Yes, you read that correctly, 194,938! (Click here to see the 2001 report). Put another way, if you had invested $1 in the S&P 500 in 1965 it would have been worth $48 by 2001. However, that same $1 invested in Berkshire Hathaway would have been worth $1,950 by the end of 2001. Wow!

So how did Buffett address shareholders? Paraphrasing, he said the following:

“Last year the value of your company went down by $3.77 billion. However, I’d like to remind you that the management team that’s been in place at Berkshire Hathaway for the past 36 years has outperformed the S&P 500 by more than 190,000%.”

Unbelievable! You’re left not focused on the company loss but rather the incredible long-term success of Berkshire Hathaway. What if Buffett had said this?

“I’d like to remind you that the management team that’s been in place at Berkshire for the past 36 years has outperformed the S&P 500 by more than 190,000%. However, last year the value of your company went down by $3.77 billion.”

Ugh! You can feel the difference. Now you’re focused on the loss, not the incredible long-term success of the management team.

I hope you realize the words and facts are the same in both cases. What Buffett realized, and few people pay attention to, is this: people remember what comes after transitional words like “but” and “however.” You know it’s true because you just felt the difference.

If you want to be a master persuader you have to understand this truism and always be conscious of what you want your audience to remember. There are times you want them focused on the negative to prompt action and there are times you want them focused on the positive. How you order the information makes all the difference.

The next time you have to deliver good and bad news think about what you want the audience to remember. Then think about the comparisons that will make your message shine. Last, be sure to order the information correctly. Following these three tips might not make you the next Warren Buffett but they can make you much more persuasive than you are today. Who knows, that might be your first step towards Buffett-like success!

The Politics of Fear: They’re Trying to Scarcity the Hell Out of You

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You’ve probably heard people say something like this many times in recently, “I wish candidates would just tell us what they stand for and their plans instead of bashing other candidates.” Those sentiments have probably never been as strong as they are right now with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton going after each other like fighting pit bulls.

Candidates are engaging in is what’s known as “The Politics of Fear.” Many accused Donald Trump of that immediately after his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention. Some pundits called the speech dark and foreboding. Others said it distorted reality as he invoked images of terrorist attacks and police killings. Trump painted a bleak picture and projected himself as the only answer.

But don’t be fooled because Hillary is engaged in the politics of fear, too. She wants her supporters and undecided voters to be scared as hell of a Trump presidency. Her fear messaging wants you to believe he’s a tyrant and will rule like a dictator. One MSNBC commentator went so far to say, diplomatically, Trump would be like a mushroom cloud (i.e., nuclear) when it comes to international relations. Scary!

If we’re all so sick of the negativity, candidate bashing and fear mongering then why do politicians continue to do it? Because fear moves people more than almost anything else.

The principle of scarcity tells us people are moved to action far more by the fear of loss than they are by the thought of gain. Daniel Kahneman, a Noble Prize winner in the field of economics, studied this phenomenon with the late Amos Tversky. Together they proved people are motivated 2.0-2.5 times more to take action by the thought of losing something as opposed to gaining the same thing. Think of it this way; most people will work a lot harder to not lose $100 they already have versus how hard they’ll work to earn an extra $100.

For as long has humans have been around we have instinctively known this and it has not escaped the notice of politicians either. Perhaps the most famous use of fear mongering was President Lyndon Johnson’s television ad when he ran against Senator Barry Goldwater in 1964. The ad shows a little girl in a field with flowers then suddenly there was a nuclear explosion. The ad ended with a deep voice saying, “Vote for President Johnson on November 3. The stakes are too high for you to stay home.” This particular message may not resonate as much today but in the early 1960s there was a real fear of a nuclear confrontation with Russia. The message was clear; nuclear war was a possibility if you voted for Goldwater. Click here to see the iconic commercial.

As the rhetoric ramps up on the march to the November election, don’t expect either candidate to go positive. Governor John Kasich did his best to stay positive in the Republican primaries and it got him nowhere.

As one slings mud, the other will respond. If a candidate doesn’t respond to a negative attack they are seen as weak. Just ask John Kerry about the “swift boat” allegations in 2004.

As much as we say we don’t like it, we will get nothing but doom and gloom combined with personal attacks like we’ve never seen before. But take heart, in all likelihood this will be dull compared to what we’ll experience in 2020 and beyond.

It’s All About Conditioning

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When I was young and heard the word “conditioning,” my thoughts immediately went to football. I associated conditioning with getting in shape. That meant sprints, weights and various drills repeated over and over to ready my body for the physical demands that were to come on Friday nights in the fall.

Now I hear “conditioning” and think about the automatic responses I have to so many things in life. You have them, too. The automatic responses we all encounter come from repeated exposure to certain stimuli. For example:

  • Red light means stop.
  • Green light means go.
  • Someone makes an offer we don’t want but we still say, “No thanks,” even though we might not be thankful for the offer.

If you believe you’re in total control of your daily decisions I have some bad news for you – you aren’t. Psychologists estimate the automatic responses within our subconscious drive 85%-95% of our behavior. In other words, you’re consciously, thoughtfully, deciding what to do maybe 10%-15% of the time.

But, there’s hope! When you start to understand this you can begin to make different choices. You may not catch yourself in the moment but even dissecting your thoughts and behavior afterwards can be beneficial.

Here’s a personal example. I have a reminder on my phone that pops up every morning that reads, “I will approach everything with a positive attitude and I will learn from every situation.” It’s a reminder to maintain a positive attitude about whatever I may encounter. However, if I realize after the fact that my attitude was bad (frustrated driving to work, impatient waiting in line, snapped at Jane), that little mantra reminds me that I can still try to figure out what led to my less than positive attitude or behavior.

I can’t change the past but sometimes saying I’m sorry and acknowledging I could have behaved better goes a long way. Dale Carnegie understood this when he wrote, “When you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.” More recently, social psychologists like Robert Cialdini show that admitting weakness (saying “sorry” fits the bill) can actually help you because you’re viewed as being trustworthy.

As you learn to reflect and admit mistakes you’ll become more aware the next time you find yourself in a situation where your attitude needs adjustment in the moment.

And then there’s responsibility. A great way to think about responsibility is “the ability to respond.” Your response doesn’t have to be automatic; it can be thoughtful and purposeful.

Conditioning isn’t all bad. It helped me get ready for football and lots of other sports. It also helps each of us navigate our days without having to expend an inordinate amount of time and energy on every little decision.

However, not all routines and responses are good. We can become oblivious to bad patterns we’ve developed over the years and that’s where we need to choose to incorporate some responsibility. This week see if you can catch yourself in the moment and try to understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. If you miss opportunities in the moment don’t worry because at some point during the day you can take a few moments to reflect. Ben Franklin said, “Three things are hard; diamond, steel and to know ones self.” In the long run knowing yourself will be worth far more than diamonds or steel.

My Chance Encounter with Robert Cialdini

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A few weeks ago, a Facebook friend Michael Halbfish, wrote during an exchange, “I am guessing there is a good story to how you wound up with your current career and working with Cialdini.” Michael is correct and I promised him I would share that story, a chance encounter with Robert Cialdini, in a blog post.

Back in 2002, Nancy Edwards, a former coworker at State Auto, stopped by my office to share a video with me and my boss John Petrucci. Nancy had just watched the video in an MBA class at The Ohio State University and thought John and I would appreciate it. How right she was!

The video was of a 2001 Breakfast Briefing presentation Robert Cialdini, PhD., gave at Stanford University. His topic was ethical influence – how to get people to do what you want without resorting to manipulation.

As John and I watched the video a light bulb came on and we could clearly see how the psychology Dr. Cialdini shared made the sales techniques so effective. We acquired a copy of the video for our own use and I began showing it to employees and talking about ways to incorporate the principles of persuasion into everyday things we were doing at work.

Around the same time I signed up for Stanford’s video catalog. In 2003, I received a catalog and noticed the headline for Dr. Cialdini’s video:

Call it Influence, Persuasion

Or Even Manipulation

I was shocked because he was so clear about non-manipulative ways to persuade people. I was so bothered by Stanford’s marketing that I sent them an email. I told them I didn’t know anyone who wanted to be manipulated nor did I know anyone who wanted to be known as a good manipulator. I concluded the email telling Stanford that one word – manipulation – couldn’t help their sales but it sure could be hurting sales.

I never heard from Stanford but some time later my phone rang and it was Chris Cibbarelli, a representative from Robert Cialdini’s organization INFLUENCE AT WORK (IAW). She said she was calling to thank me. Apparently Stanford was changing the marketing of Dr. Cialdini’s video because of my email!

During that call, Chris asked if State Auto ever had guest speakers and let me know Dr. Cialdini traveled the world to talk about ethical influence. I told her we did have speakers for agency events. As fate would have it, the event planner was in my department so I transferred Chris to Robyn Harper. One thing led to another and in the summer of 2004 Dr. Cialdini was a guest speaker at several agency conferences we hosted.

That same summer John and I traveled to Arizona to attend Dr. Cialdini’s two-day Principles of Persuasion Workshop. After that I persisted with John for more than three years to allow me to get certified on behalf of Dr. Cialdini so I could teach the workshop.

In January 2008, I spent a week in Arizona with Dr. Cialdini and the staff at IAW going through the certification process. The process culminated in March 2008 when Gregory Neidert, PhD., a partner at IAW, came to Columbus to audit my first workshop.

That’s the story of my chance encounter with Robert Cialdini. Here we are nearly 10 years later and I’ve hosted more than 50 workshops, have been blogging for more than seven years and have been using Influence PEOPLE to help people attain more professional success and personal happiness using the principles of influence.

As Paul Harvey used to say, “And that’s the rest of the story.”

Can We Please Stop the Memes and Labels?

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Can we please stop with all the memes and labels? I don’t know about you but I’m tired of all the attempts to be cute, dumb down issues and label people with a silly picture or cynical text. With the political season in the U.S. right now, it seems to be at an all-time high.

There are a lot of complex issues facing our nation and many people want to reduce them to a meme on Facebook or 140 characters on Twitter.

News Flash – Nobody changes their mind or position on an issue when you post a picture of Gene Wilder in his Willy Wonka outfit pointing out some inconsistency in their position. The truth is, we’re all hypocritical to some degree. Our actions may contradict our beliefs sometimes but it happens to all of us because nobody is perfectly consistent all the time and quite often our own beliefs collide.

People also like to use Leonardo DiCaprio’s picture with a glass of champagne in his hand to smugly pointing out how they (the person posting the picture) are smarter or better than a whole class of other people who don’t share their view.

Even worse than all the memes are the labels people use. For example:

  • If you vote for Donald Trump you’re racist.
  • If you vote for Hillary Clinton you have no regard for the law.
  • If you voted for Brexit you’re dumb.
  • If you voted against Brexit you’re not patriotic.
  • If you’re for immigration reform you’re racist.
  • If you’re for immigration you’re a real American.
  • If you think abortion is simply a choice you’re a baby killer.
  • If you think abortion is wrong you hate women and their rights.

The list could go on and on. Have you paused for just a moment to consider these are complicated issues that good people can view very differently because of their life experiences?

I know people who will vote for Donald Trump for one reason – they’re sick of the establishment. They feel he can’t be any worse than the establishment and might just be better. That doesn’t make them racist.

I know people who will vote for Hillary Clinton because they sincerely believe she’s the most qualified person to run for president and it’s time for a woman to be president. That doesn’t mean they’re anti-law.

From what I’ve seen and read, many British people who voted for Brexit (for Britain to leave the European Union) want more say in the affairs that impact their country than the European Union might allow.

Many British people who voted against Brexit because they wanted to remain part of the European Union, did so because they felt it positively impacts Britain’s viability on trade and world affairs.

I know people who want a wall built between Mexico and the U.S. because they see more than 11 million people who came into America illegally, not because they are racist. They simply want to know that everyone goes through the same process and follows the laws of the land.

I’ve known people who’ve had abortions and regretted it. Some have always wondered, “What if?” I also know women who’ve had abortions and felt it was okay because it was their choice and right for them in their particular situation.

There are many good people out there who share different views from you and me. In the absence of knowing whom they might vote for in the presidential election, their stance on abortion, their feelings about immigration or many other issues, you’d probably enjoy their friendship.

And here’s a truth – the society we live in claims to be more concerned about fairness, equality and anti-discrimination and yet we practice discrimination every time we label an entire group of people just because of who they vote for, what they stand for or what they believe. That’s wrong!

I wrote in a post years ago – Why Facebook Doesn’t Change Anyone’s Opinion – and I believe the same rationale could be applied to the memes and labels people try to use to shame people or make them feel stupid. Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, the people posting all those memes and using labels are actually the ones who aren’t so smart? After all, Einstein did say the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

We would all do well to spend more time focusing on what we have in common versus what makes us different. We’d get along better and get more accomplished.

What Do You Think About Donald Trump?

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“What do you think about Donald Trump?” That’s a question I hear more and more these days. People are curious about how he is in position to possibly win the presidency of the United States.

From the beginning the experts have been wrong about his chances and so was I. Remember when Trump announced his candidacy and proceeded to make remarks about Mexicans being criminals and rapists? Along with most of the political pundits I thought he was done before he even got started. We were wrong.

Remember when he said Senator John McCain wasn’t a war hero because he was captured? Political analysts thought he was done and so did I. But he wasn’t. Any number of things he’s said could have resulted in his demise. Consider this short list:

  • Carly Fiorina’s looks
  • Megan Kelly’s blood
  • Possibly punishing women who would get an abortion if abortion were illegal
  • The name calling with Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio

Despite these things his following only got stronger. Why? As I wrote months ago (Have We Changed or Are We Just Politically Correct), perhaps he is saying what many Americans actually think and feel but wouldn’t say in the politically correct environment in which we live. Now those people have a voice in Donald Trump.

Violence

Early on, Trump followers were denounced because of their strong-arm tactics at some of his rallies. They would shout down the opposition and sometimes get physical with Trump’s approval. People accused him of inciting violence.

Now the tables have turned. In Arizona we witnessed Trump protestors blocking roads to prevent his supporters from attending a rally. In several cities in California Trump protestors went much further than Trump’s followers ever had. Young people assaulted Trump supporters – male and female – without provocation. All the while the media showed Mexican flags waving in the background.

Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias is playing a big role in favor of Trump. This psychological concept shows people aren’t always open to new information and possible change. No, most people look for information that confirms what they already believe. In the case of Trump, young Latinos shown harassing Trump supporters on the nightly news only confirms for many people that he has been right all along about immigration.

On the subject of confirmation bias, most anti-Trump people don’t realize they’re falling into his trap the more they try to bash him. His supporters simply see their actions as attacks on him and double down in their belief in him.

The Media

And then there’s the media. They don’t know how to deal with Trump either. Case in point, CNN’s Jake Tapper interviewed Donald about his comments regarding a Mexican-American judge presiding over a case dealing with Trump University. When Tapper tried to get Trump to admit his comment was racist, Trump didn’t yield an inch and didn’t come across as someone back-peddling. He continued to assert his point about why he said what he said. Tapper looked like he didn’t know what to do. Trump has taken considerable heat for the comment, especially from the Republican Party, but Trump supporters see this as proof that all along the establishment has been out to stop him. Their view isn’t that the party is doing this for America but rather for their own power that’s at stake.

Authenticity

With Trump, people feel like they know what they get. He speaks his mind and doesn’t come across as a polished, Teflon-fake, career politician. Does he flip on some issues? Yes but it doesn’t come across as someone who puts up their finger to see which way the wind is blowing. Right or wrong, like him or dislike him, Trump says what he believes, or more rightly, feels in the moment, and people are responding to that. For more on this read Donald Trump’s mASS Appeal.

Hillary and Bernie

It certainly helps Trump that he’s running against Hillary Clinton. Were it not for Trump being in the race, polls show Hillary would be the most disliked candidate to ever run for president. Her years in politics and numerous scandals (and Bill’s) have many people saying they would never under any circumstances vote for her. Her email scandal only reinforces for many people that she’s not trustworthy and is a “typical politician.”

To make matters worse, she’s in danger of losing many Bernie Sanders’ supporters who feel they cannot vote for her in a system they believe is rigged. They would rather send a message to the Democratic Party, even if it means losing the election, because when Bernie loses they will say it’s because of the rigged system. Why would they want to vote for Hillary, whom they see as part of the problem, after losing what they perceive to be an unfair election?

So there’s a confluence of things that are making Donald Trump’s improbable run a reality. Divorced from emotion, if someone would have told you years ago some of the things Trump would say and do I highly doubt you’d think there was any possibility he’d be in the position he’s in now. But we cannot divorce ourselves from emotion.

The Most Important Reason

This leads me to the final and perhaps most important reason Trump is succeeding – he’s a classic salesman. Good salespeople know people buy based on emotion and justify with logic after the fact. Trump drives home the message that America isn’t great right now and supports it by saying:

  • We negotiate bad deals
  • We overpay our share to defend the world
  • We have problems with illegal immigration
  • We have a problem with terrorism at home and abroad

It’s hard to dispute those things but Trump isn’t giving details on what he’ll do to make us great again. Instead he makes grand promises:

  • He will negotiate great deals
  • He will Cut defense funding to NATO, Japan, South Korea and other countries
  • He will build a wall…that Mexico will pay for
  • He will ban Muslims from coming to America for a period of time

In short, he “promises” to “Make America Great Again.”

Trump is tapping into emotions most other politicians can’t get to with their bland style of politics and old rhetoric. You may not agree with Donald’s methods, or like them, but there’s no denying he’s doing what almost nobody expected.

What’s to Come

There’s no guarantee he will win in November but there is one thing I think we can all agree on – this will be unlike any presidential campaign we’ve ever witnessed. Everyone should pay close attention to what is said by both parties to try to win our votes because the stakes are high.

Would You Stop at the Store on Your Way Home?

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What’s the most powerful principle of influence when it comes to sales? That’s a typical question I get from salespeople who attend my sales training or keynote presentations. While the situation usually dictates which principle to use, I believe the principle of consistency is perhaps the most powerful principle of influence when it comes to making a sale.

Why do I believe this? Because good salespeople talk way less than their prospective customers. Shocker! Having studied sales for more than 20 years and reading countless books, magazines and blogs, I can tell you the conventional wisdom is good sales people talk only 25%-30% of the time.

That wisdom might go against your experience as a consumer but I would venture to guess the salesperson you’re thinking of who droned on and on and on was not a “good” salesperson. Quite the contrary, they were probably average at best and more likely downright bad!

The principle of consistency tells us people feel internal psychological pressure as well as external social pressure to be consistent in what they say and do. This is so because we feel good about ourselves when we do what we say and others view us positively when we live up to our word. That’s powerful motivation from within and without!

How does consistency come into play for a salesperson? Good salespeople recognize this principle and learn to ask the right questions in order to find out what customers need and want. They also use questions to highlight their offering in a way that aligns with what customers say they’re looking for. In the principles of persuasion workshop, I share with participants this wisdom, “People don’t resist their own values.”

Let me paint a picture: Imagine your spouse, significant other or someone else asking, “Would you stop at the store on the way home to get…?” If the store is a good bit out of your way, perhaps taking an extra 30 minutes, you might hesitate to say yes because that’s somewhat inconvenient. However, if the store is right on the route you normally take to get home it’s probably no problem at all to make a quick stop.

That word picture applies to your questions. When you ask the right questions early on and then clearly show the potential client that what you’re offering lines up with what they said they want and need, getting to “Yes” is pretty darn easy. But, if you don’t ask good questions you’ll have to work harder to talk them into what you’re offering. That’s where people feel “sold” and as author and sales trainer Jeffrey Gitomer says, “People don’t like to be sold but they love to buy.”

So make the buying experience easy for people and yourself. Know your product, your competition and most importantly, know the right questions to ask your prospective customers. Do this and your sales are sure to increase.

Perception is Reality; Not really

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You’ve heard it said, “Perception is reality.” What that means is how someone experiences something has a huge impact on their thoughts, emotions and behavior but, make no mistake about it, perception is not always reality.

Take two people who experience the very same thing but react completely differently. Suppose they are turned down for the same job. Let’s suppose one person decides to go back to the interview team to learn what he or she can do to perhaps get that job in the future. Imagine the other person sees the situation as a confirmation that he or she doesn’t have what it takes because in the past they’ve not gotten what they wanted.

The reality is exactly the same for each person – they were turned down for the same job – but each person’s interpretation is what impacts their future reality. From How-To Guide for Generations at Work by Robby Slaughter and Nancy Ahlrichs, it says “Most importantly, perception is reality. A strong conviction about a colleague’s perceived opinion has more bearing on a person’s actions than the truth.”

Reality can usually be measured and agreed upon. It’s truth. For example, the sky is blue. The colors that come through the atmosphere produce a prism of light we’ve agreed to call blue. You can call it green, red or anything else you want but the reality of the light emanating from the sky is the same.

Another reality is 2+2=4. You can wish it were something different and even call it something different but that doesn’t change the reality that having two items and adding two more means you now have four items.

Fortunately you can change your perception of situations! The famous American philosopher and psychologist William James said, “The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

In other words, we may not change reality but when we choose to change how we think about reality, that choice can transform us.

Here’s a great example. In the spring of 2011 storms and tornadoes ravaged the Midwest. Tuscaloosa, Ala., and Joplin, Mo., were two communities that were devastated. In that one quarter State Auto Insurance lost more money than in any previous year in the 90-year history of the company! Employees were down because the focus was “the worst quarter in the history of the company.”

John Petrucci, my boss and VP of Sales at the time, took a different approach. He started telling people it was the best quarter in the history of the company! You see, when people buy insurance they’re buying a promise – a promise that the company will be there to help when misfortune and tragedy strike. John’s view was, “This is the best quarter in the history of the company because we’ve never been able to fulfill our promise more than in this quarter!” That different viewpoint began to lift people’s spirits and that was important because we needed to be at our best physically and mentally to help our customers who needed us.

Is perception reality? No, because reality is neutral. How we interpret reality is entirely up to us. We need to make conscious choices to let go of thoughts that are not true and all too often hold us back.

Let me end with a quote from Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t – you’re right.” Which will you choose?

That Silent Nudge

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Have you ever experienced any of the following?

  • You reviewed an email and felt something was off but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Eventually you sent it after rereading it one more time only to notice an error just after hitting send!
  • You left the house and felt something wasn’t right. You mentally reviewed your steps considering the rest of your day but decided to leave the house anyway. Before you know it you realize you forget your phone or wallet!

This happened to me recently as I wrapped up a workshop. I had my laptop bag over one shoulder and several items, including a workbook and handouts, in the opposite hand. Some workshop attendees came up to talk and when we were finished I headed out the door. I had a momentary feeling that something was different but continued on despite the feeling. Later that night I realized I’d left my workbook and handouts on a table because I’d sent them down during that final conversation! Fortunately the hotel had not thrown them away when I called the next morning.

In each case noted above, your subconscious and mine was trying to tell us something but our subconscious doesn’t use words to communicate. It uses feeling, gut instinct and other discernable cues. I told one friend it’s like the look my wife Jane occasionally gives me. I know something is up but I’m not sure what it is even though I’m supposed to. I wish she’d just tell me but most of the time she doesn’t and I’m left to try and figure it out.

The human subconscious is a marvelous thing because it’s helped humans survive. It’s what alerts us to danger before we know what’s actually happening so we can react appropriately. Gavin de Becker does a wonderful job explaining this in his book The Gift of Fear. I highly recommend you picking up this book, especially if you’re a woman, because understanding this might just save your life.

I’ve noted in past posts that experts vary on how much of our behavior is driven by our subconscious but they agree it’s a lot; at least 85% and could be higher than 95%.

The principles of influence I teach on behalf of Robert Cialdini often impact us on the subconscious level. By that I mean, before we fully understand why we’re doing what we’re doing, we make quick decisions. One example has to do with the contrast phenomenon.

In a survey of blog readers many years ago, I posed the following question:

You are at a store considering buying a high-end electronic item for $879. While there you learn you can drive across town and get the same item for $859. Will you make the trip (approx. 30 minutes)?

Only 13% said they would make the drive. However, with another group, when the item they were considering was $79 and they could get it for $59 somewhere else, 49% said they would go to the other store – nearly four times more! It’s highly unlikely anybody was thinking, “Is $20 worth 30 minutes of my time?” Everyone was subconsciously comparing to an arbitrary number and making a decision based on that.

One more example. If you called a friend for a favor, let’s say to move a heavy piece of furniture in your home, they most likely wouldn’t say to themself, “Pat is my friend so I should help.” Instead they would probably say yes if they had the time and strength. In other words they’re not analyzing the friendship but the friendship (the principle of liking) plays heavily into the decision making. In case you wonder consider this; if you asked a stranger they would say no because they don’t know you and would consciously wonder why a stranger would ask something so ridiculous.

In conclusion, understanding the silent nudge of the subconscious is important for a couple of reasons.

First, recognizing that nudge, a nagging feeling, and taking time to consider your next step more thoughtfully can help avoid small errors like the email noted above and bigger errors like forgetting your wallet on the way to the airport.

Second, knowing the power of the subconscious should make you more determined to look for ethical ways to employ the principles of influence because doing so will make it easier for others to say yes to you.

Influencers from Around the World – How to Persuade Yourself to Re-set Your Priorities in Life

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Hoh Kim has been a guest blogger for Influence PEOPLE since I began the Influencers from Around the World series seven years ago. Hoh and I became friends when we went through the Cialdini certification training together.

Hoh has his Ph.D. in Culture Technology from Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology; his dissertation title was “Psychological and neural influences of public apology on audience responses in corporate crisis situations.” I know you’ll enjoy his post that reflects on life and death.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

How to Persuade Yourself to Re-set Your Priorities in Life

Death has power. Even thinking about death influences our emotions. What power will it have for you? Thinking about my own death makes me to reflect my life. Yes, my life as a whole, not just the career success or marriage or kids, my whole life as a “grand picture.”

If you reflect from the future and look back on your life as a whole it will let you know what your priorities should be. Think about it for a moment; if I die at the end of this year my colleagues will not be a priority but my closest friends and family will be. If I die in the next year a promotion will not be my priority but spending more time with my loved ones, traveling, or happy times in the my home will be. If I die in three years, networking dinners or cocktail parties will not be my priorities but learning carpenter skills, which I’ve wanted to do for many years, will be. But I didn’t take action…

Of course, I don’t mean you have to quit your job right away and travel around the world with your friends and family starting tomorrow. Thinking about my death expands my viewpoint on life as a whole because I look at the big pictures and priorities.

There is a tool that can help you to think about your death: Obituary written by yourself before you die (here, “before” could mean from one year before to 40+ years before).

Visit your preferred news website and find your preferred people who already passed away. Read their obituaries and try to write your own one. You may already read the story. Some people actually wrote their obituaries before they die.

I have a draft and sometimes I revise it. It helps me to think about my life as a whole and set my priorities. Even you can ask trusted friends and loved ones to write your obituary from their perspectives.

What is it to do with the persuasion? Writing your own obituary and thinking about your death in the future will persuade you to reset your current life priorities. Your death has a real power because thinking about death makes us think about life.

HohHoh Kim, Ph.D.
Founder, Head Coach & Lead
Facilitator, THE LAB h
E-mail: hoh.kim@thelabh.com
Home: www.THELABh.com