Tag Archive for: reciprocity

Influencers from Around the World – Influencing in Australia

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This month’s Influencers from Around the World article is the first guest post from Anthony McLean. Like myself and several of my guest bloggers, Anthony is a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT). In fact, he’s the only CMCT in Australia and he’s going to share with us how to best influence should you find yourself in Australia or dealing with an Aussie. I encourage you to connect with Anthony on Facebook or LinkedIn.

Brian, CMCT
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Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.Influencing in AustraliaAs a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer I often get asked what principles work best when influencing people from other countries. In joining Brian’s Influencers from Around the World I thought I would discuss the influence culture within Australia.Many of you may already know about Australia and our culture. Perhaps you know Aussies, have done business here or with Australians abroad, have visited our far away shores or watched Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter) or Crocodile Dundee on the big or small screen.Internationally Australians have a varied reputation from being laid back and casual to being beer guzzling loudmouths. The actual fact is Australia, while only having a population of 23 million, is a rich multicultural tapestry. Apart from Indigenous Australians we are all immigrants, some more recent than others; therefore, in such a large and diverse country each principle still applies.Liking – we prefer to say YES to those we know and like.
In World War I and II, Australians found themselves standing side by side with like-minded countries including our close neighbours and friends, New Zealand. It was in the caldron of battle that the ANZAC tradition was forged. We fought together, came from a similar part of the world and had similar values, attitudes and beliefs. This attitude of standing by your mates is still strongly identified with today and like many siblings, Australia and New Zealand have a fierce but friendly rivalry.

Australians are very parochial, whether it is our sporting teams, our political parties, our choice of beer or even the city or suburb we come from. Identify with the things you have in common with an Australian and you are well on your way to making a connection. If you find an Aussie who is not a sports fan, commenting on the fanatical nature of sports fans and the delusional commitment to this activity will also generally strike a chord.Many Australians are willing to give new things a go. In order to create a relationship, look to the experiences or activities you can share with us and it will be this common interest and cooperation that is sure to succeed in building a relationship based on Liking. If all else fails simply make a joke at the expense of a New Zealander or try and say “G’day” and this will generally spark a smile if not raucous laughter.Reciprocity – we prefer to give back to those who have given to us firstAn integral part of Australian society is helping out your mates. While Australians and New Zealanders love to give each other a hard time, when the chips are down that spirit of camaraderie comes to the fore. No better example was seen than during the recent natural disasters in the Asian Pacific rim. Queensland experienced a near one-in-one hundred year flood, then within weeks the biggest cyclone to ever cross our shores hit North Queensland and not surprisingly the first offer of help came from New Zealand. When the earthquake hit Christchurch it was not a consideration of if we would help but how much help we would send. Similarly with the recent earthquake in Japan, Australian search and rescue crews were dispatched immediately to support the teams on the ground because they have done the same for us in the recent past.Reciprocity is a core element to all societies and it is no different in Australia.In the outback it is not uncommon for your nearest neighbour or town to be several hours away. If you were driving on a remote country road and someone needed a tow, or a spare part, or whatever, you would stop and lend a hand because you never know when it may be you who needs some help. If you want to build a relationship with an Australian, going first is the key. Whether it is a kind word in the train, a helping hand with tipping (as we are not very good at it) or buying the first beer; these simple gestures will often ensure you have a friend for life. If nothing else you know we will be there if and when you need us.Consensus – we look to those like us to guide our behaviour when we are uncertain
In the multicultural mix that is Australia we have found that collective Asian-based cultures are becoming a greater influence in our society and connectedness a greater part of our lives. We have people from all over the world flocking to enjoy our beaches, climate and lifestyle. When trying to influence an Australian in a situation where they are not sure of what to do, don’t miss the opportunity to show us what others like us are doing. Whether it is in a work or social setting, highlight what those who are most like us, i.e., those who live or work near us, have the same job, other supporters of our sporting teams, other members of our social or age group are doing in this situation. Show us this and we will be keen to join in.

By way of example in the recent Queensland floods, reports of tens of thousands of volunteers rushing into the streets to help their neighbours spawned even more volunteers to show up until the officials asked volunteers to stop coming as they couldn’t transport all the people to the affected areas.
Authority – when we are not sure of what we should do we look to those with knowledge and wisdom we do not possess.In Australia we suffer from the “tall poppy syndrome,” where those who rise from the bunch can tend to get unnecessarily cut down. It is unfortunate but true.That being said, we are attracted to those whose actions speak louder than their words. Often the person who tends to say the least is listened to when they speak and we even have affectionate names for them like “Rowdy” (i.e., a sarcastic play on the fact they don’t often make much of a fuss). So in demonstrating Authority to influence an Australian, do what you say you will, present yourself as a knowledgeable source that is willing to listen and this will gain our respect. Like others, we are guided by Authorities, but we will expect you to do more than turn up in a big car, tell us you are from a bigger more sophisticated town than ours and name drop.Those who are an Authority will quickly gain our respect; those who rely solely on their position of Authority may not have the same success.Consistency – we are compelled to live up to the commitments that we make.Australians love to exaggerate in telling a good story, so if you want us to live up to what we say, just make sure we aren’t joking when we say something. That notwithstanding, in a country as big and sparsely populated as ours those who fail to live up to what they say they’ll do are quickly identified and are not positively thought of. It is unusual to find people who take great pride in failing to live up to the things they say they will do – it flies in the face of standing by your mates. Therefore, if you want an Australian to follow through with something, align your requests or proposals with the things they already stand for and you will have little problem getting us to do what we say we will.Scarcity – we are motivated by those things that are rare or dwindling in availabilityEven though Australia is often referred to as the lucky country, we cannot stand to lose the things we need any more than someone from overseas can. In a broad brown land that is often plagued with drought we understand the importance of seizing the opportunity when it presents. Therefore, when influencing an Australian show us what we stand to lose and we will be motivated to act. As keen sports people, show us we are in competition with others for your services and we will certainly take notice.One last point — to influence an Australian remember that we don’t tend to take ourselves too seriously. So feel free to share a smile, a joke or a kind word. Tell us when you make a mistake and show us how we can fix it. Treat us with respect and you will always be welcome to come around for a barbeque.Finally, replace the word Australian with wherever you come from and you’ll see that we are not that different to you. The principles of persuasion work all over the world, but they are about influencing people not countries. With the global village getting smaller every day, do your research on the person you are trying to influence and once you find out what types of things they stand for don’t bungle the opportunity to improve both of your positions.Anthony McLean, CMCT

 

The Most Expensive Gift of All – Free

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Sometimes the most expensive gift of all is free. That’s right, sometimes a “free” gift cost you far more than it would have if you bought it. That’s part of the reason we’re so familiar with the saying, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Let me illustrate with a story.

In early February I was in Austin, Texas to conduct some sales skill workshops for State Auto associates. The workshops went great and when they concluded I celebrated with a couple of coworkers by going down to Austin’s famous Sixth Street for dinner and to take in the historic sites.
If you’ve not been to Sixth Street it’s akin to South Beach minus the incredible wealth and palm trees you see on display at South Beach. There are restaurants, bars, live music and people galore. If you enjoy people watching it’s hard to imagine a place where you could see more diversity than Sixth Street.

As my two friends and I walked around after dinner, taking in the scenery, I was approached by a panhandler who shoved an old rose toward me and asked, “A rose for the lady?” There was no indication he was selling them and I knew he wanted me to think it was a gift. Nonetheless, I declined his offer because generally I only give flowers to my wife or daughter.

He shifted his attempt to the other man in the group but his response was, “I don’t think that would be appropriate, she’s my boss.” Because it takes three strikes before you’re out he pressed the rose towards the lady who was with us. She’d not seen or heard the original offers so when she turned around she took the rose and thanked him.
Game on because next he asked for money. She politely declined but he p
ersisted for a bit as we walked away and then he left after several more refusals. A few moments later he was behind us again and this time it looked like there might be one or two others with him. We were on a busy street with lots of other people but nonetheless it was uncomfortable and immediately she gave the rose back saying, “Here, you can have it back.” They stayed near us for a short time then soon enough they were gone.
So what happened? The panhandler knew exactly what he was doing. He might not be familiar with the term “reciprocity” but he knew how the psychology behind it worked and that’s how he eked out a small living.

Reciprocity dictates that people “return the favor” so to speak. If I do something for you then you probably feel like you owe me something in return if you’re like most people. In the same way charities engage reciprocity by giving you mailing labels with the hope that you’ll give a financial gift in return, the panhandler was giving to get. The big difference between the charity and panhandler is it’s easier to say “No thanks” to an anonymous mailer than it is to a person, especially when they’re staring you in the eye. And even though it’s easier to say “no” to the mailing labels, donations typically double when charitable organization use them!

That point is worth exploring some. Most people have difficulty saying “No” when someone is literally handing them something. To avoid that feeling many people go to great lengths to avoid something as seemingly insignificant as making eye contact. Once eye contact is made whether with a beggar, a street vendor or someone at a mall kiosk, that person will descend like a vulture on a fresh carcass!
So what should you do? First, avoid eye contact with someone because that might stop the other person from approaching to begin with. If something is placed in your hand or forced upon you simply ask, “Is this a free gift?” If they say it is then you can feel free taking it without obligation. If they do anything more say, “You told me this was free. If I thought I had to pay for it I would not have bought it,” and keep going. Of course, your other option is to do what our friend did and just hand it back.
I’m willing to bet that most free offers that come our way during the day are just that; offers to help with no strings attached. Return the favor in some way down the road when the time is appropriate and you might have the start of a great working relationship. But outside the realm of friends and coworkers you might do well to heed the old saying that warns us, “Beware the man bearing gifts.”
Brian, CMCT
influencepeopleHelping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

How Bernie Madoff with our Money

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We all know the name Bernie Madoff, perpetrator of the biggest Ponzi scheme ever in American business. It’s estimated that $36 billion was invested with Madoff’s firm and that upwards of $18 billion is still missing.

A few weeks ago I was in Cleveland to speak at the local chapter of the Chartered Property Casualty Underwriters (CPCU). I was asked to talk about ethics so I decided a unique approach for this insurance group would be taking a look at Dr. Cialdini’s principles of influence and how they were used by Bernie Madoff. The title for my talk was “How Bernie Madoff with our Money.”

When I talk about the principles of influence I usually refer to ethical influence and persuasion so talking about the unethical use was an interesting change for me. The principles of influence tap into the psychology of human behavior – what causes someone to say “Yes” to a request – and they are powerful! Social scientists and behavioral economists have been scientifically studying human behavior for more than five decades so there’s plenty of data to back up that statement.

Con men may not know the science but through trial and error they quickly figure out how to use the psychology to their advantage. I think it’s important that people understand the principles not only to become more adept at ethically influencing people but also to avoid being manipulated by con men such as Bernie Madoff. I’m going to briefly describe each principle then share something Madoff did that helped him continually bring in new investors for decades. After all, Ponzi schemes depend on a continued inflow of investors and money or else they quickly collapse, so landing new clients was of the utmost importance for Madoff.

Reciprocity – We feel obligated to give back to those who first give to us. When someone does us a favor we want to return the favor in some way and silly as it may sound Bernie made it seem like he was doing his clients a favor by letting them invest with him. After all, his clientele were the rich and famous, he’d been a glowing success for decades and he was well respected. It was a privilege to let him handle their money. The favor was returned as people told others about him and new clients came by way of referral.  

Liking – People like to do business with people we like, especially those who are similar to them. Madoff tapped into this principle based on his similarities to many of his clients. For starters, he recruited from his country club. That’s not out of the ordinary at all because men gauge one another’s character a lot based on shared experiences like golfing. In addition to this, Madoff tapped into similarity through his Jewish heritage because many of his victims were Jewish and trusted him more based on this.

Consensus – We feel more comfortable doing what everyone else is doing or doing what people just like us are doing. If you’re rich then you hang with people who are rich too. Inevitably conversation turns to business so undoubtedly Madoff’s name was passed around like the offering plate at church. If you know many of your most successful friends invest with someone that’s going to give you pause to consider making a switch.

Authority – People tend to trust those who are viewed as experts and Bernie had this one down! He’d been investing successfully since the early 1960s, but what was more impressive was that he helped start the NASDAQ. His trustworthiness was impeccable because he also served as the Chairman of the Board for the National Association of Security Dealers. Why wouldn’t you automatically trust him with those credentials on his side?

Consistency – We like to be consistent in what we say and do because when you do something you usually do it because you believe it’s the right thing to do. If someone asks who you invest with and whether or not you’re doing well of course you’ll respond positively. Being the con-man he was, I’m sure Madoff occasionally asked his biggest clients for referrals and recommendations which they were probably all too willing to do. After all, it would be inconsistent not to.

Scarcity – People want more of what they can’t have or something that is hard to come by. I don’t think Madoff’s firm was one in which any person could pick up the phone and ask to open an account. When you’re dealing in the billions like he was it tends to be a very exclusive club and the more exclusive, the more people wanted in. How would you feel if you knew a business only took on a limited number of new clients each year and you were one they were considering? Most people would jump at the chance.

So there you have it, a quick overview of some of the psychology of How Bernie Madoff with our Money. Hindsight is 20/20 so it’s easy for us to look back and think we’d never be fooled in such a way. However, think about the kinds of people who invested with him – the rich and famous – people who were smart or had smart people managing their money. No, the reality is we’re all susceptible because we’re human and the same psychological pull would be at work in us. Madoff’s situation and science both confirm that. Here’s my advice to you; continue to learn about influence, keep your eyes and ears open, and learn to trust your gut because when something seems too good to be true it usually is.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Influencers from Around the World – The Happiness Hypothesis

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This month’s Influencers from Around the World article is from Cathrine Moestue. I introduced you to Cathrine last month along with Anthony McLean as new members of my Influencers from Around the World group. I know you’ll enjoy Cathrine’s exploration of reciprocity, especially those of you who are fans of The Godfather. I encourage you to reach out to Cathrine on Facebook and LinkedIn and Twitter.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.The Happiness HypothesisI don’t know if you have read The Happiness Hypothesis but if you haven’t, then I recommend it. It is an extraordinary book on the human condition and writing about such you cannot miss out on the work of Robert Cialdini, PhD. Dr. Cialdini is the most cited living social psychologist in the world today and famous for his book Influence Science and Practice, where he enlightens readers on the six principles of influence.In The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt dedicates the whole of chapter three to one of the principles; the principle of reciprocity. He opens up the chapter and our understanding of reciprocity with a scene from The Godfather that I thought would give us a vivid understanding of reciprocity. Even though the scene is about “reciprocity with a vengeance” it is extraordinary how easy it is for us to understand this complex interaction in an alien subculture. The opening scene of The Godfather is an exquisite portrayal of reciprocity in action. It is the wedding day of the daughter of the Godfather, Don Corleone. The Italian immigrant Bonasera, an undertaker, has come to ask for a favor; he wants to avenge an assault upon the honor and body of his daughter, who was beaten by her boyfriend and another young man.Bonasera describes the assault, the arrest, and the trial of the two boys. The judge gave them a suspended sentence and let them go free that very day. Bonasera is furious and feels humiliated; he has come to Don Corleone to ask that justice be done. Corleone asks what exactly he wants. Bonasera whispers something into his ear, which we can safely assume is “Kill them.” Corleone refuses, and points out that Bonasera has not been much of a friend until now. Bonasera admits he was afraid of getting into “trouble.” The dialogue continues:CORLEONE: I understand. You found paradise in America; you had a good trade, made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. And you didn’t need a friend like me. But now you come to me and say, “Don Corleone, give me justice.” But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even call me Godfather. Instead you come into my house on the day that my daughter is to be married, and ask me to do murder for money.BONASERA: I ask for justice.CORLEONE: That is not justice; your daughter is still alive.BONASERA: Let them suffer then, as she suffers. (pause) How much shall I pay you?CORLEONE: Bonesera…Bonesera…What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you had come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would be my enemies. And then they would fear you.BONASERA: Be my friend. (bows) Godfather? (kisses Corleone’s hand)CORLEONE: Good. (pause) Someday and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day…accept this justice as a gift on my daughter’s wedding day.We intuitively understand why Bonasera wants the boys killed, and why Corleone refuses to do it. We understand that in accepting a “gift” from a mafia don, a chain, not just a string, is attached. We understand all of this effortlessly because we see the world through the lens of reciprocity. Reciprocity is a deep instinct; it is the basic currency of social life.Bonasera uses it to buy revenge and Corleone to manipulate Bonasera into joining his extended family, the consequences of both will be detrimental. But we can learn how to use the principle of reciprocity wisely by first understanding it and second to practice becoming more of a “detective” of influence, not just a bungler or a smuggler. The extraordinary truth is that if we learn to use the principle ethically and understand how to properly invest in others, we will also be more effective in life.Sounds interesting? I recommend attending a “Principle of Persuasion” workshop, or reading Cialdini’s book on Influence Science and Practice.Zigong asked: “Is there any single word that could guide one’s entire life? The master said: “Should it not be reciprocity? What you do not wish for yourself, do not do unto others.”
– Analects of ConfuciusCathrine Moestue, CMCT
Organizational Psychologist
MOESTUE CONSULTING

Influencers from Around the World – The Unavoidable Influence of Death

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This month’s Influencers from Around the World article is from Yago de Marta. If you’ve been a reader of Influence PEOPLE for any length of time then you’ve no doubt read some articles by Yago. I think you’ll find his perspective on influence and death intriguing. I encourage you to check out his website and reach out to him on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Unavoidable Influence of Death

Some months ago a very popular person from my hometown died. His name was Jose Antonio Labordeta. The purpose of this article is not to remember his life because media all around the world, especially in Spain, have already done that. The article that appeared in The Guardian (UK) made me ponder the following questions about death’s influence on the living:
What involves death that makes it so influential? Why does death go beyond our daily affairs and routines? What is the mechanism of death’s influence?In Labordeta’s case there is an element which allows us to follow his influence. In 1975 he composed “Song to Liberty” (Canto a la Libertad). At that moment and many times since there were people who proposed this song as the regional anthem of this area, Aragón. And from that time forward the song was sung in different historical events.
However, on September 19 Labordeta died and from that moment on everything changed. Google tells us about the great number of people who attended his funeral. Maybe some of them had never heard of his songs but the crowd of people shows us the way individuals and associations mobilized to make “Canto a la Libertad” the anthem of Aragón.At this moment the song hasn’t officially become the anthem so it’s difficult to give a final valuation on the way Labordeta’s death will influence his works. Nonetheless, we do observe most of Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence in death and that’s what this article is really about.
Reciprocation: Yes, it’s true that the dead cannot give us anything to invoke reciprocity but in some way, if we show ourselves to be understanding and kind with the dead, we hope others will show empathy with us when we die. One of the most common activities of the human mind is to wonder, “Who will come to my funeral?” Taking this idea, if we are kind with the dearly departed then we think people will be kind with us when we pass on.Commitment and Consistency: From childhood on, we are told to be respectful of the dead. This has happened since the origins of humankind. This expectation causes a kind of fixed attitude toward death in our minds throughout life. Even when we are older, if somebody dies we show ourselves to be sad and sorrowful. We are that way partly because we are expected to act like that.Social Proof (Consensus): This is very remarkable in the case of film or pop stars. Regardless of whether you liked or disliked Michael Jackson’s music, or regardless of the fact that some months before he died many people thought he was a pedophile, when he died almost everyone felt something different; they felt a little sad and depressed. And most people around the world felt similarly. Knowing and seeing how others felt was like a multiplier effect.Liking: We are going to die, every single one of us. Such is life. This obvious idea is what makes us identify with a person who dies. We don’t always identify in the same way, but every time somebody dies around us we get this feeling. Further, the mirror neurons come into effect, when we identify with the person who has just died. We tend to be more empathetic, softer and kinder.Authority: Myths are built in death. It happens this way with famous painters, writers and even politicians. Death tends to make the principle of authority grow. When somebody dies, his or her personality reaches highest levels because we are more respectful with the dead. It could also be because of traditions or culture, but respect is a form of authority.Scarcity: There’s nothing in our whole life that creates more scarcity than death. When we die everything we could have said, made, painted or sung seems to be not enough. Life is short and limited. Before dying we can keep on painting, singing or doing whatever we please but from the moment of death it is no longer possible. And so there you have from my perspective, how we are all influenced by death. Death’s influence, like death itself, is unavoidable. Yago

 

Parenting Made Easier with Influence

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Today, December 6, is our daughter Abigail’s 15th birthday. I can still remember looking at her in the crib thinking, “I can’t believe she’s been with us a hundred days.” Wow, does time fly! In just over three years she’ll be heading off to college and no matter where you are in the world you might hear me crying because I’ll miss seeing her every day.

To say that raising Abigail has been one of the biggest joys in my life would be an understatement. The only person luckier than me will be the man who spends the rest of his life with her. She is beautiful, fun, intelligent, has a great sense of humor, thinks deeply, is athletic and so much more. Jane and I have been very fortunate because for the most part she’s been an easy kid to raise. However, I also know some of that ease has been due to good parenting and that’s the focus of this week’s post.

I’m no child psychologist or parenting expert by any means but I have learned enough about psychology to effectively use the principles of influence in the process of raising Abigail. I believe that’s been incredibly helpful so what I’d like to do is share a few things I’ve tried and hopefully it will stimulate some ideas for you.

Liking – It’s not our job to be Abigail’s friend but it’s no secret that if your kids like you they’ll be more apt to do what you ask. We go out of our way to make sure she knows how much she’s loved and that certainly helps us as parents. For a really good parenting idea check out my post on something we call Special Day.

Reciprocity – Most parents give kids an allowance and we’re no exception. An allowance however doesn’t engage reciprocity because it’s a reward, not a gift. To engage this principle you need to be the first to act.

One way I effectively used reciprocity this summer was to give Abigail a raise in her allowance before I asked anything of her. I didn’t say, “If you’ll cut the grass I’ll give you a raise,” because she would have declined (she hates cutting the grass!). What I did was give her a raise then about a week later asked her to cut the grass. She protested a little until I said, “Abigail, I gave you a raise in your allowance and didn’t ask you to do anything. Can’t you help me out?” She cut the grass.

Consensus – This one is always at play with teenagers but most of the time parents are fighting against it because of “peer pressure” and Jane and I are no different. Rather than go into detail on on how we’ve handle the pressure to conform I’ll refer you to the post I wrote on helping teens deal with peer pressure.

Authority – It’s always good to have an outside expert come to your aid. One situation that comes to mind is eating dinner together. It’s become all too common for families to not eat dinner together and when they do it’s often in front of the television. I won’t tell you we eat together every night but we do most evenings because we know it’s a great way to stay connected. Referring to a simple fact from an expert, like most happy families eat together, helps deflect the common question, “Can’t we eat in front of the TV?”Here’s a funny, but not totally ethical, story. When Abigail was very little she didn’t like certain foods and our pleading with her didn’t help. One day Jane acted like Abigail’s doctor was on the phone. As soon as she said, “Abigail, Dr. Klinger says you need to eat your vegetables,” she ate them. Not ethical but effective because even as a little girl she knew he was an authority.
Consistency – I spend a lot of time talking to Abigail and have ever since I can remember. When something we ask her to do goes well I make sure to point that out because it acts as a mile marker down the road. The reason I do that is because it makes the next request easier. For example, I can say, “Abigail, you know I love you right? And you know mom and I want you to be happy and have fun, right? Last time we asked you to do [fill in the blank] it turned out well, didn’t it?” See where I’m going with this? I’ve built on a series of consistent “Yes” responses to get her buy-in. She knows we love her, that we want her to enjoy life and know we’ve given good advice in the past. Reminding her of those things makes it easier for her to say “Yes” to whatever we’re asking of her currently.
Scarcity – We try not to pull the threat lever too often but that is a legitimate use of scarcity. As parents we’ve all had to say, “If you don’t [fill in the blank] you’ll lose the privilege to [fill in the blank].” I do think effectively using the other principles of influence greatly reduces the need to have those kinds of tough talks with your kids. One area I was able to use scarcity was with club volleyball last year. Abigail wasn’t big on the idea of playing but I let her know if she didn’t there was probably no way she’d make the high school team. Knowing she was going to a new school where she didn’t know anyone we all agreed being on the volleyball team would be a good way to start the high school experience. Although she would have rather done things other than club volleyball she went ahead and played.
Please don’t think that using the principles is a surefire guarantee to hear “Yes” every time because it’s not. What I can tell you with confidence is that your children will say “Yes” more often if you effectively use the principles of influence – and all of this is backed by science and the understanding of human psychology. I encourage you to give it a try. It’s made our lives easier and I know it can do the same for you.PS The reason for the 4:38 AM post this week is because that’s exactly when Abigail came into the world 15 years ago. Happy Birthday Abigail, Love Dad!!
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

An Exercise in Awareness

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Click on the picture below to watch a short YouTube video
then we’ll continue on.

If you’re like most people you were probably floored by all that went on in the video that you missed! I know I was first time I watched it. The video is a great exercise in awareness and focus.

I have to confess, I’m not always the most aware guy and this occasionally bites me in my marriage. Many years ago I went to a “gallery hop” art show with my wife. Not exactly my cup of tea but I was trying to be the dutiful husband and act interested. When I saw a painting style I recognized (Monet) I said to Jane, “We have a painting by that guy don’t we?” She said, “We have that painting.” Surprised I replied, “Really?” Jane proceeded to tell me the painting was at the top of the stairs in our house…and had been there about three years! Ooops! Better keep my mouth closed next time.One of my favorite questions to ask when training is this, “Has anyone bought a new car in the past couple of years?” As you would expect there are usually several people who raise their hand. Then I pick someone for a simple follow up question, “What kind of car did you get?”Let’s suppose they say, “I bought a Ford Mustang.” Next I’ll ask, “After you bought the car, did you notice more Mustangs on the road in the days and weeks following your purchase?” You know the answer to that question, a resounding yes. I’ve never had someone tell me they didn’t notice their new car on the road more after getting it.What do you suppose changed? Could it be that there just happened to be a rush on Mustangs at that moment in time? Of course not! The only thing that changed was the buyers’ awareness of that type of car. I use that simple truth to get them to realize they get what they look for.How does this tie into influence? In two basic ways. First, your lack of awareness when it comes to the principles of influence means you’re missing opportunities that could help you hear that one word we all long for when making requests of other people – “Yes!”The more you come to understand the principles of reciprocity, liking, consensus, authority, consistency, and scarcity the more you’ll become aware of all the opportunities to ethically use them when interacting with people. With enough practice you’ll even find yourself using them almost without thinking.The second way awareness ties into influence is protection. That’s right, protection. Let’s face it, there are lots of people out there who understand this stuff but may not be constrained by ethics. I bet every one of you reading this can think of a time where a salesman manipulated you to buy something. Or maybe unethical influence was used on you by someone who took advantage of you in a relationship. What do you think about politicians and manipulation?My point is this; there are many people out there whose livelihood depends on getting you and others like you to say yes. It’s a sad fact that many more than we’d like to admit will do whatever they can to move ahead. Your understanding of the principles of influence is a first line of defense from being taken advantage of.I hope this was an enlightening little experiment for you; an “ah ha” moment perhaps. If you continue to read Influence PEOPLE I guarantee your eyes will be open to new possibilities and you’ll be more aware when it comes to those who seek to take advantage of you. Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”

Persuading Personality Types: Survey Questions and Results

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From June 21, 2010 through June 30, 2010 I conducted a survey to try to determine the best influence approaches for different people based on personality type. In all, 265 people participated with the following breakdown by personality type:

Driver/Pragmatic – 96 (36.2%)
Influencer/Expressive – 63 (23.8%)
Amiable/Facilitator – 58 (21.9%)
Thinker/Analytic – 48 (18.1%)

Below are the 10 survey questions. After each question you’ll see the three possible answers. In parentheses is the principle of influence associated with the answer. Following each answer you’ll see the percentage of people in each personality category that chose that particular answer. The “Average” category is the overall percentage of all people that chose the answer regardless of personality type.

Q1 – There’s a popular movie out, one you’ve been thinking about seeing. Which would be most likely to get you to go?

a. A couple of good friends are going. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 59.4%
Influencer/Expressive – 68.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 74.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 60.4%
Average – 64.9%

b. Critics are giving it two thumbs up. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 17.7%
Influencer/Expressive – 14.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 20.7%
Thinker/Analytic – 27.1%
Average – 19.2%

c. It’s only in theaters till the end of the weekend. (Scarcity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 22.9%
Influencer/Expressive – 17.5%
Amiable/Facilitator – 5.2%
Thinker/Analytic – 12.5%
Average – 15.8%

Q2 – Which would be most likely to get you to go out to dinner?

a. The couple who invited you bought your dinner last time. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 10.5%
Influencer/Expressive – 4.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 10.3%
Thinker/Analytic – 12.5%
Average – 9.5%

b. There will be a group of people which might make it more fun. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 43.2%
Influencer/Expressive – 66.7%
Amiable/Facilitator – 41.4%
Thinker/Analytic – 33.3%
Average – 46.6%

c. You’ve told your friends you want to spend more time with them so here’s your chance. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 46.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 28.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 48.3%
Thinker/Analytic – 54.2%
Average – 43.9%

Q3 – You’ve been considering buying a new laptop, one that’s on the more expensive side. Which most influences your buying decision?

a. A friend has the same laptop and loves it. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 13.5%
Influencer/Expressive – 33.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 19.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 20.8%
Average – 20.8

b. It’s rated as excellent in all the online reviews you’ve seen. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 64.6%
Influencer/Expressive – 42.9%
Amiable/Facilitator – 62.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 56.3%
Average – 57.4%

c. It’s on sale but only while supplies last. (Scarcity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 21.9%
Influencer/Expressive – 23.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 19.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 22.9%
Average – 21.9%

Q4 – Someone is trying to set you up on a date with a friend of theirs. Which is the biggest reason you decide to go?

a. The person who is trying to set up the date is one of your closest friends. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 22.1%
Influencer/Expressive – 19.4%
Amiable/Facilitator – 19.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 12.5%
Average – 19.0%

b. Several friends know the potential date and have good things to say. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 31.6%
Influencer/Expressive – 46.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 43.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 45.8%
Average – 40.3%

c. A good friend reminded you this person has all the qualities you always say you’re looking for in a relationship. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 46.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 33.9%
Amiable/Facilitator – 37.9%
Thinker/Analytic – 41.7%
Average – 40.7%

5. There’s a knock at the door and a little girl from the neighborhood is selling Girl Scout cookies. Despite promising yourself you were going to start watching your weight you order some because:

a. You remember this girl’s parents bought things from your child in the past. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 47.9%
Influencer/Expressive – 45.2%
Amiable/Facilitator – 55.2%
Thinker/Analytic – 38.3%
Average – 47.1%

b. She tells you everyone in the neighborhood’s bought some so far and she only needs a few more sales to win a prize. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 16.7%
Influencer/Expressive – 22.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 24.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 19.1%
Average – 20.2%

c. You didn’t buy last time the girl was selling things so you told her to come back another time. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 35.4%
Influencer/Expressive – 32.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 20.7%
Thinker/Analytic – 42.6%
Average – 32.7%

Q6 – You’re married and your spouse asks you to do some light home repairs that might take several hours. You do them primarily because:

a. Your spouse does lots around the house so it’s the least you can do. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 69.8%
Influencer/Expressive – 77.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 68.4%
Thinker/Analytic – 77.1%
Average – 72.7%

b. Your spouse reminded you that other spouses generally do these kinds of things around the house to help out. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 3.1%
Influencer/Expressive – 1.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 3.5%
Thinker/Analytic – 0.0%
Average – 2.3%

c. You’re going on vacation soon so either you get the repairs done now or spend money on a repairman. (Scarcity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 27.1%
Influencer/Expressive – 20.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 28.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 22.9%
Average – 25.0%

Q7 – You get invited to a wedding and it’s the same weekend you planned to start your family vacation. The couple mentioned the date when they set it but you forgot about it when you planned this vacation. You decide to go and the biggest reason is:

a. The couple came to your wedding. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 5.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 11.1%
Amiable/Facilitator – 1.7%
Thinker/Analytic – 0.0%
Average – 4.9%

b. Several good friends from college will be there and they’re asking you to come and relive the good old days. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 9.6%
Influencer/Expressive – 12.7%
Amiable/Facilitator – 5.2%
Thinker/Analytic – 6.3%
Average – 8.7%

c. You’ve told them, “Absolutely we’ll be there” when they mentioned it shortly after setting the date. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 85.1%
Influencer/Expressive – 76.2%
Amiable/Facilitator – 93.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 93.8%
Average – 86.3%

Q8 – You’re trying to decide about whether or not to leave the company you’ve been at for more than 10 years for a new opportunity. Which plays into your decision most?

a. A good friend works at the company you’re considering and it would be great to work with them. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 8.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 15.9%
Amiable/Facilitator – 10.5%
Thinker/Analytic – 10.4%
Average – 11.0%

b. You read in several business magazines it’s one of the top companies to work for. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 54.2%
Influencer/Expressive – 42.9%
Amiable/Facilitator – 56.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 68.8%
Average – 54.5%

c. You know they only hire a handful of people each year into this prestigious training program. (Scarcity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 37.5%
Influencer/Expressive – 41.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 33.3%
Thinker/Analytic – 20.8%
Average – 35.5%

Q9 – You decide to buy a new car. Which of the following plays into your decision the most?

a. The salesman is an acquaintance who helped you out big time when he worked for a different company, one that did business with your company. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 7.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 20.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 5.2%
Thinker/Analytic – 10.4%
Average – 10.6%

b. The car has the highest consumer reports rating. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 81.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 69.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 81.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 72.9%
Average – 77.0%

c. This is the last year for the body type you like. (Scarcity)
Driver/Pragmatic – 11.5%
Influencer/Expressive – 9.5%
Amiable/Facilitator – 13.8%
Thinker/Analytic – 16.7%
Average – 12.5%

Q10 – Someone at work needs your help. You’re hesitant at first because you’re pressed for time before your vacation. You decide to work overtime and help mostly because:

a. It’s a long-time friend. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 34.7%
Influencer/Expressive – 36.5%
Amiable/Facilitator – 50.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 16.7%
Average – 35.2%

b. You were recommended by one of the senior managers because you’re one of the few people with the right technical background. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 27.4%
Influencer/Expressive – 33.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 20.7%
Thinker/Analytic – 33.3%
Average – 28.4%

c. The person mentioned how valuable your input was on a similar project a few months ago and you want to maintain that reputation. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 37.9%
Influencer/Expressive – 30.2%
Amiable/Facilitator – 29.3%
Thinker/Analytic – 50.0%
Average – 37.4%

Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Persuading Personality Types: The Driver/Pragmatic

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We’re on the final group in our look at the best ways to persuade people based on personality type. Our final group is the driver/pragmatic and as the name implies, people in this category are “driven.” They thrive on challenges and have a strong intrinsic motivation to succeed. They are practical, focused and results oriented. They have the ability to get lots accomplished quickly. Pragmatics talk faster than most people, can be very direct and usually get straight to the point. Words that describe people in this category include: action-orientated, decisive, problem solver, direct, assertive, demanding, risk taker, forceful, competitive, independent, determined and results-orientated.

With 96 people (36%) identifying themselves as being the driver/pragmatic personality type, they were far and away the largest group taking the survey which I think is only logical. Think about the kind of person that’s going to read a blog on influence and persuasion – probably a driven person who looks for opportunities for self-improvement.

The second largest group was the influencer/expressive which should also come as no surprise. Leaders, people who need to persuade others, generally fall into the driver/pragmatic and influencer/expressive categories.

As I strongly suspected, the driver/pragmatic personality type is heavily influenced by the principles of scarcity, consistency and authority.

Scarcity

My original hypothesis with drivers was that scarcity would play a big role in persuading them. My reasoning was simple – drivers are used to winning, that’s why they’re usually successful so show them what they stand to lose and you can probably move them to action. The survey results showed this to be the case as this group on the whole was more motivated by scarcity than all the other groups. It’s not that they were always motivated most by scarcity on each question but they were more consistently motivated by this particular principle of influence, choosing it as an answer about a quarter of the time.The survey question I found most interesting was question 1: There’s a popular movie out, one you’ve been thinking about seeing. Which would be most likely to get you to go? Because this was really a social situation it should not be a surprise that most people chose the answer that had to do with liking (A couple of good friends are going) but significantly more drivers, as compared to the other personality groups, said they would go when they learned, “It’s only in theaters till the end of the weekend.” In fact, the ratio of drivers choosing this answer was nearly double the analytics and more than four times the percentage of amiables!

Consistency

Another thought I had about those in the driver/pragmatic group was this; their self confidence makes them believe they’re right so it might seem like they stubbornly hold to an opinion. If you can tie your request to what they’ve said or done in the past (principle of consistency) your odds of success will go up. As Richard Dawson used to say on Family Feud, “Survey says…Yes!” The group that was most motivated by consistency was the analytic/thinker followed by the driver/pragmatic. A full 50% of the time, drivers chose an answer having to do with consistency when that was a possible choice. When an answer dealing with consistency was available, drivers chose it about 10% more often than amiables and 25% more often than people in the influencer/expressive category. I found question 4 most interesting for this group because it was social:

Q – Someone is trying to set you up on a date with a friend of theirs. Which is the biggest reason you decide to go?
A – A good friend reminded you this person has all the qualities you always say you’re looking for in a relationship. Drivers responded to the consistency answer 46% of the time compared to 42% of the analytics, 37% of the amiables and just 32% of the influencers.

Authority

I was right on with my assumption about the principle of authority impacting the driver/pragmatic personality. My thought was this; they don’t care much what the crowd says because they tend to blaze their own trail and are willing to go it alone. However, cite a recognized expert or someone they respect and they’ll pay attention. When an answer dealing with authority was an option drivers responded to it just about half of the time and that figure would have been much higher but the percentage for question 1 about going to the movies had a very low response rate to the authority answer (critics are giving it two thumbs up).

Conclusion

What conclusion can we draw about people in the driver/pragmatic category when it comes to influencing them? I say with some pride, what I originally thought – tap into scarcity by telling them what they stand to lose if they don’t do what you’re asking. Bring to bear information from a person or source they recognize and respect to back up your assertion and if possible, incorporate their words or actions into what you’re asking. Bringing these three principles of influence to bear at one time could make if awfully hard for them to say “No” which means it’s much more likely for you to hear “Yes!”

Survey Wrap

So there you have it, my analysis of the personality/influence survey data. As I shared at the start of this project, I’m not a professional survey administrator nor am I a behavioral psychologist. Perhaps people in those fields will read this and take it several steps further. My goal was simple – to give you some easy to remember insights on a few ways to use the principles of influence in a more strategic way when you clearly know the type of person you’re dealing with. If you have thoughts on this subject I’d love to hear from you so just leave a comment below and I’ll respond as time permits.

Brian

Persuading Personality Types: The Expressive/Influencer

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Day three on the personality types and we’re going to look at the survey data for the influencer/expressive personalities. Expressive people are easy to spot because they outgoing, enthusiastic and operate with a high energy level. They’re idea people who sometimes struggle to see their ideas through to completion. If you need help you can usually count on them to come through. Expressive people enjoy socializing but can be slow to reach a decision. If you’re an expressive person then people might see you as a fast talker, dramatic and somewhat impulsive. Words that describe people in this class include: verbal, motivating, enthusiastic, convincing, impulsive, influential, charming, confident, dramatic, optimistic and animated.

There were 61 people (24%) who self identified as having the expressive/influencer personality on the survey. As a general statement, people in this group responded most to the principles of consensus, liking and reciprocity. This was very consistent with my gut instinct for this personality.

Consensus 

As the name implies, people in this group are influencers. They understand the power of the crowd because they’re usually the ones moving the masses to action. They can also see the benefit of being part of the group.The second survey question really stood out for this group: Which would be most likely to get you to go out to dinner? The overwhelming answer for the expressive people was – There will be a group of people which might make it more fun. More than 66% chose this as the reason to go to dinner, almost triple the response rate than for this answer – You’ve told your friends you want to spend more time with them so here’s your chance. Interestingly the drivers and amiables were pretty evenly split between those two answers. The expressive folks would rather have fun in a crowd than a small group. On two of the other questions where consensus was a possible choice people in the influencer/expressive category clearly chose the consensus answer more than the other groups and on one other question they were very close to being the top answer.

Liking

It makes complete sense to me that expressive people would be motivated by liking too. As the category name implies, they like to express themselves and often that’s talking about themselves – their accomplishments, likes, dislikes, etc. If you talk with someone of the expressive/influencer type, connect on similarities, offer up sincere compliments and ask questions that will allow them to talk. If you can do this you’ll have a better chance to move them in your direction.

Q – You’ve been considering buying a new laptop, one that’s on the more expensive side. Which most influences your buying decision?

A – A friend has the same laptop and loves it.

A third of the expressive type said the friend would be their main reason for buying the laptop. Consider this; every other group chose that answer about 20% of the time or less. That means 50% more expressive people listed this reason than did the other groups. The other groups were much more motivated by authority than were the expressive/influencers.

Reciprocity

Here’s another motivating principle that makes total sense. People in the expressive/influencer group have lots of friends. One way to build your network of friends is by offering help and engaging reciprocity. Because they understand the value of favors they play by the rules and respond to those who’ve done favors for them.Question 6 was interesting:

Q – You’re married and your spouse asks you to do some light home repairs that might take several hours. You do them primarily because:

A – Your spouse does lots around the house so it’s the least you can do.The vast majority, nearly 73%, responded to the “because my spouse does lots” but the highest percentage came from the influencer/expressive people.

Conclusion

What conclusion can we draw about people in the influencer/expressive category when it comes to persuasion? After you’ve surveyed the situation for what’s naturally available, specifically look for ways to leverage liking, consensus and reciprocity. If authority, consistency and scarcity can be worked into your influence attempt, then by all means do so and you’ll know you’ve taken the right steps to be as persuasive as possible.

Brian
influencepeople
Helping you learn to hear “Yes”.