Tag Archive for: reciprocity

How to Get Everything You Want in Life

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Zig Ziglar,
a well known author, sales trainer and motivational speaker regularly told
audiences, “You can get everything you want in life IF you’ll just help enough
other people get what they want.” Wow! Essentially he’s saying just help enough
other people fulfill their dreams and your dreams can come true too. 

Zig might
not have been a social scientist but he clearly understood the power of
reciprocity. This principle of influence tells us people feel obligated to help
those who first help them. So back to Zig; help lots of people and lots of
people will want to help you.

Watch this
two minute video from my presentation at The Ohio State University and you’ll
gain more insight into why the principle of reciprocity is so powerful.  

Are you looking for a keynote speaker, training, or consulting on
how to apply scientifically proven principles of influence to your sales,
marketing, management or leadership?  If so, reach out to me
(BFA654@gmail.com or 614.313.1663) and we’ll talk about your specific
needs. 
Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – Moments of Power: How to Identify and Use Them

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This month’s Influencers from Around the World post comes to us by way of Italy and Marco Germani. Marco has been guest writing for me almost since the start of this blog. In addition to helping me out several times a year he took time to write his own book on persuasion in Italian, I Meccanismi della
Persuasione. I encourage you to reach out to Marco on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter because he loves connecting with people.

Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
Moments of Power: How to Identify and Use Them
During our interactions with others we often unconsciously find ourselves in the so-called “moments of power,” times where we can engage our partner with a highly persuasive lever for the future, even if, at that very moment we have no interest in persuading the person to do anything.
Recognizing and using these moments of power is of vital importance and has become a standard practice of every good persuader. On the other hand, letting these special moments pass without any benefit, as most people do, deprives us of a favorable opportunity to exercise
our powers of persuasion, forgoing the chance to move others in our direction in an ethical way that’s also in their best interest. 
So, what are these “moments of power” and how do we recognize them? And above all, what should we do when we find ourselves in the middle of them? The answer to these questions is surprisingly simple and can be illustrated with a short example:
Dr. Smith, manager at a large company, receives a call from a colleague who asks with a worried tone if Dr.
Smith can lend a hand because he has a meeting with a key customer of the company the next morning and producing sales report is of the highest priority for the colleague. He also needs to produce some other documents and has no time to do this by himself before the meeting.
The colleague is not aware of it but Dr. Smith has recently created a report very similar to the one in question and, with only a few changes, the same document can very well be used for next day’s meeting.
The next day, the two men meet at the office and the colleague first thanks Dr. Smith profusely, praising his
responsiveness and the timing of his action, telling him that he pretty much “saved
his life.” How should Dr. Smith respond to this praise? Being a person of integrity and honesty he simply says, “Well, you don’t even have to thank me, it was a small thing, I had already prepared a similar study and didn’t do anything else but send it with a few changes. I would have done it for anyone!”
Here, Dr. Smith has just found himself in one of the famous moments of power and has just blatantly wasted it!
Sound familiar? Maybe it’s happened to you recently.
Now let’s see what the good doctor should
have done instead. We can identify three fundamental points:
1)
Do not belittle the magnitude of the action. This doesn’t mean you have to brag about what you have done, saying that the report cost us hours and hours of work, because this wouldn’t be ethical! Just say something like, “I tried to create for you the most accurate and precise report possible.  I put all my efforts in it and I am glad you appreciate it.” The detail that the report has already created is beside the
point when it comes to persuasion and may be omitted.
2)
Highlight the fact that the action was done specifically because the request came from that person. Instead of saying, “I’d do it for anyone,” say, “I know how important it was for you and I know how hard you work, so if I could give you a hand, I did it very willingly.” In other words, we are customizing our action.
3)
Laying the foundations to be reciprocated. Proper use of a moment of power gives us a future persuasive lever to use with that person. Another way to look at it is it gives us a “credit” with the other person and the principle of reciprocity alerts us to the fact that the other person will feel obligated to reciprocate in some way. To emphasize and establish this point you just say a simple but powerful phrase, “I know you would have done the same for me if the roles were reversed.”
Think of how many times somebody
thanks you for a favor and how, you can now quickly and easily apply the three
points described above. Begin to practice this technique now so you don’t miss
any more “moments of power.”
Marco

The Power of Concessions

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In February I spoke to several dozen business coaches from the Central Ohio Chapter of the International Coach Federation. During my hour with the group at The Ohio State University I shared ways they could use specific  principles of influence to help their clients obtain better results.

Below is a short video clip where I talked about the power of concessions, sharing the results from a little experiment Dr. Robert Cialdini and his students conducted at Arizona State University. I think you’ll find it very interesting how they tripled the response rate to a certain request by prefacing their request with something beforehand.

If you’ve viewing this by email click here for the video.

Is your organization looking for a keynote speaker, training or consulting on the application of ethical influence and persuasion in the workplace? If you are just reach out to me by email at BFA654@gmail.com. 

Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Maximizer or Satisficer: Does it Make a Difference?

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Remember when mom, dad, or maybe grandpa would espouse their philosophy about people, starting with something like this, “Ya know, there are two kinds of people in this world…” and then they’d give you their broad take on the human race? I’m here to add another grouping of two to the human race: maximizers and satisficers.

In the book “Welcome to Your Brain,” the
authors describe maximizers as people who “spend a lot of time worrying about differences, no matter how small. In a consumer society with choices everywhere, maximizers suffer from an inability to recognize when an alternative is good enough. Indeed, from an economic perspective, spending the additional time on maximization doesn’t make sense since your time itself has some monetary value.”
On the opposite end of the spectrum we have satisficers who are described as individuals who “look until they find something good enough, then stop. Satisficers are decisive, don’t look back, and have little regret, even about mistakes.”
So what does this have to persuasion? Plenty, because in an information overloaded society in which some experts estimate the average person sees more than 3,000 marketing messages a day we cannot possibly process all the information that comes to us through our five senses. And put on top of that the fact that so
much can change in a single day, sometimes it’s all we can do to not just cover our ears, close our eyes and start screaming.
For example; I can’t process all the features of all the smart phones and balance them with all the pricing options while weighing all the new features and options I hear might come out in the next few months. TMI – too much information! Therefore, if I’m like most people I will “satisfice.” Satisficing refers to “the act of choosing an alternative that is just sufficient to satisfy a goal.” I do it, I bet you do it and so do most other people.
Dr. Cialdini’s six principles of influence act as mental short cuts, decision triggers if you will, in an information overloaded society because they help us quickly process information in a way that allows us to make a quicker decisions that we’re satisfied with. Here are some quick examples related to buying a smart phone.
Liking – A good friend of yours owns the phone you’re considering and has nothing but good things to say. He encourages you to buy the same phone and you trust his opinion because you have the same tastes in a lot of things.
Reciprocity – When you were comparing phones and asking questions the store clerk spent a lot of time with you. You’d feel kind of bad not buying from him after he did all that for you.
Authority – You read Consumer Reports and it rated one phone you’re considering highest in three of four categories. The magazine is the most reputable, unbiased source you know.
Consensus – Everyone has the brand you’re looking at and people are raving about it. They can’t all be wrong.
Consistency – When you told the salesperson the general features you were looking for she pointed you to a phone that had almost every single one. How can you not buy it after you
said that’s what you wanted in a phone?
Scarcity – You’re shown a phone and told a newer model is coming out in a few months. Now you worry because you might not be able to get this one at the low price because everyone else will buy them up while it’s still a great deal.
As noted earlier, most people engage in satisficing but that still leaves the maximizers so how do we deal with them? Maximizers by nature are probably more analytical so my advice would be to concentrate on these principles of influence:
Authority – Let them know what the experts are saying and show them hard data because this appeals to their strength – logic.
Consistency – Get them to tell you in detail what they want. The more detail the better because if you can show them how your offering matches up then it’s only logical for the deep thinker to go with your request.
Scarcity – No one likes to lose so show them their lost dollars, time, and opportunity by not going with your recommendation relatively soon. Remind them that new features and upgrades will always come out but they’re losing the opportunity to enjoy your product in the meantime.
So whether your mom, dad, or grandpa were right about their two tier classification systems, science tells us there’s at least one other category, maximizers and satisficers. It would do you well to not only understand which category you fall into but which category those you’re trying to persuade fall into because it will make the persuasion process much easier.
Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear
“Yes”.

Influential Words of Wisdom from the Lord

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I didn’t grow up going to church but I remember being about seven years old, looking at some red flowers in the porch area of our apartment and having a deep belief there was a God and I’d be okay. However, it wasn’t until I was in high school and college that I began pursing my faith a bit more.

When I finally got serious about my faith and church, I dove in head first and gave it my all, leading several Bible studies a week for many years. My faith grew as I read the Bible and I decided to start putting my thoughts about God down on paper. It became a project of sorts because I wanted to eventually give it to my daughter, Abigail. After several years of writing, and about a thousand pages of typing, I finished my own little Bible commentary.

I share that so you’ll have a better understanding of where I come from with this post and possibly others down the road. Ever since I started blogging I’ve thought about writing some posts about how influence and persuasion are used throughout the Bible and in particular, in the words of Jesus. Considering yesterday was Easter I thought the timing for this post was appropriate.

If you’ve ever read the sayings and teachings of Jesus then you know He was an influential man. Some would say He’s the most influential person who ever lived. Whatever your view about Him and His claims, there’s no denying He influenced the course of humanity. With that in mind let’s take a look at Luke, chapter 6, beginning in verse 32 when the Lord taught his disciples,

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do well to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great.”

I’d like to dissect this in terms of the principle of reciprocity. Reciprocity is the psychological principle describing the reality that people feel obligated to repay those who’ve done something for them.

When I hold training sessions one of the most common mistakes participants make is confusing reciprocity with rewards. Rewards are based on an “if – then” system. For example, your boss says, “If you reach these goals then you’ll get a bonus.” Or your teacher might say, “If you get a 90% or higher on the test then you’ll get an A in this class.” You do something to get something so a reward is akin to contractual arrangement. I tell people rewards bring closure but reciprocity initiates.

Jesus said it was no big deal, “If you love those who love you,” and “If you do well to those who are good to you.” If you think about it, in both cases reciprocity is at work but you’re the one it’s working on. It’s natural for you to love back or do something good in return because you feel psychologically compelled to do so. People loving you or doing good to you engages you to respond in kind.

Jesus encouraged His disciples to love first and do good to others first. That’s the key to reciprocity – be the first to act! There’s a risk when you initiate, when you engage people first by loving and giving without expectation, because they might not respond in kind.

Marketers use reciprocity all the time and while it helps drive results the response rate is far from 100%. For example, Easter Seals, March of Dimes, St. Jude’s and other organizations send people personalized address labels. Each organization knows when people receive small gifts like that they’re more likely to donate in return. In Influence Science and Practice, Dr. Cialdini cites a statistic that says charitable donations doubled, going from an 18% response rate of giving to 35%, when mailing labels are given as a gift.

Of course, the marketers expect a better return and that’s why they engage us in that manner. Although the response rate wasn’t 100% it’s enough to justify the practice. I think I can safely say if they didn’t get a better response rate when including the address labels they’d stop sending that “free gift.” This begs the question; are they really a gift? I’d say they are because we can use them or discard them and the marketers will never know.

But here’s the difference between marketers and Jesus; Jesus never stopped loving even when His gift was rejected and He encourages us to never stop loving and doing good. Some people will respond favorably and some won’t but either way we can be encouraged because Jesus made a promise, that one day we’ll eventually have a great reward.

My encouragement to you is to do the same – look to engage people with reciprocity. What do you have that could genuinely help others if you gave it away – time, money, talent, knowledge, or something else? Giving it away is one reason I blog because I want to help you understand the science of persuasion so your personal and professional lives will flourish. If this is helping you then pay it forward today and look for ways to help someone else.

3 Persuasion Tips to Boost Email Response Rates

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A few weeks ago I wrote an article giving readers 700,000 great reasons to use yellow sticky notes as I shared how using the psychology of persuasion helped my company recover from a $700,000 mistake quickly. It’s a great story of putting theory into practice to help the bottom line.

The response to the article was overwhelming so I decided to do a follow up because of a question. Whenever I share the sticky note story at speaking engagements inevitably someone will ask, “I rarely mail things anymore so how can I get a better response rate when I send some type of
email blast?”
To address this, let me start with a blunder I made many years ago. I’d done some training where I shared Dale Carnegie tips with several hundred associates. A few months after the training I followed up with an email to everyone which read:

If you have any success stories based on the Dale Carnegie training please let me know and I might include them in an upcoming edition of our newsletter.

More than a week went by and I had no responses – not one!
So I rethought the approach and the first thing I did was send another email but this time it was personalized, as one email went to each person and included their name. I didn’t write hundreds of emails, I used Microsoft Word and did an email merge with my training database so it was quick and easy.
The second thing I did differently; rather than make a statement I asked a question:

Have you had any success based on the Dale Carnegie training? Is so, please let me know and I might include it in an upcoming edition of our newsletter.

Within a week I had 125 replies! While most people said they didn’t have anything to share what caught my attention was the fact that they still responded. Personalizing the email and asking a question compelled people to answer and I did get more than two dozen good stories for the newsletter.
Why did this approach work so well?
The principle of reciprocity tells us people feel obligated to respond when someone does something for them. In the sticky note study people responded to the survey request more because in the back of the mind attaching a sticky note with a hand written message shows extra effort on the part of the sender because it’s personalized. It’s the same way with an email; writing someone’s name personalizes it and shows extra effort which leads to a better response rate.
Personalizing your email also helps overcome is something known as “diffusion of responsibility.” This theory tells us quite often people don’t respond in situations, sometimes even emergencies, when groups are involved because everyone assumes someone else will respond but in the end no one does
anything. With my email listing so many people for everyone to see (they were all employees so there were no privacy issues involved), I’m sure most people assumed someone else would share a story so they didn’t need to.
The other significant difference with the second email was my question. As noted above, people feel compelled to answer questions. Think about when you walk through the shopping mall and someone from a kiosk engages you with a question about trying their product. At a minimum most people respond with “no thanks,” because we’re conditioned to do so which is an application of the principle of reciprocity noted above. Social norms dictate a response because not acknowledging the person asking a question makes you appear rude, as if you’re
ignoring them.
A third tip I’ll share that can help is to include your photo on your email. Studies show the more familiar your face is, even if someone doesn’t know you, the more compliant people are when you make a request. Every time I interact with new employees, vendors, or consultants I include my photo on my initial email communications because I know it helps when I need them to do something.
To recap: 1) adding a name, 2) asking a question and 3) including a photo will translate into a significantly higher response rate than the standard email blasts you might be sending today.
Lest you think my story was a fluke or the excellent response was simply because I sent a second email I’ll share one more success story. Each year my company contracts with an outside vendor to survey our agency force to see how we’re doing in key business areas. Several years ago, after learning about the psychology of persuasion and how it can help, we tried a different approach to see if we could boost our survey response rate. Rather than just have the
vendor contact agencies directly, we sent an email a few days ahead of the survey to alert agents what was coming. The email came from the VP of sales, was personalized to each agency owner and contained a question specifically asking them if they would take the survey. Hundreds of agents replied to the VP’s email and we saw the survey response jump by more than 50%, going from 900 agents completing the survey to more than 1,400!Of all the insurance companies that participate in that particular survey, every year we now have the highest response rate. Coincidence? No, it’s the strategic use of the psychology of persuasion. Small changes can lead to big differences with very little time, effort or cost when you understand how people think and behave. Are you still sending emails to multiple people the standard way? If so, rethink your approach like we did and you’ll see better results because the science of
influence tells us so.

If you’re viewing this by email and want to listen to the audio version click here. If you want to leave a comment click here.
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You
Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – The Communicative Feature of Your Favorite Teacher

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This month’s Influencers from Around the World post comes from Yago de Marta. Yago has been a guest blogger at Influence PEOPLE for several years now. He hails from Spain where he works with clients helping them speak more fluently and persuasively. To learn more about Yago visit YagoDeMarta.com or connect with him on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. 

Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Communicative Feature of Your Favorite Teacher

We all remember a teacher who made us love a subject in grade school, high school, or perhaps college. We all remember the teacher who helped us love literature, history, mathematics, or some other subject for which we had no passion to start.
That teacher seemed to get better performance from all of their students. He didn’t come to our home to study with us but nonetheless, he inspired us, and helped us find interest for a particular subject. In short, that teacher influenced us.
Even in the case of many poor students, most also had a
great teacher somewhere along the way. These students had no interest in school or anything related to school; they didn’t enjoy studying, but they found “something” in that one teacher that motivated them to sit down, take notes and study.
As it is a “universal” example of influence, 13 years ago I began to ask this question in my training clinics: What feature did your teachers have that made you love a subject in high school or college?
Pause to think about that for just a minute. Remember back
to your favorite teacher. See him talking to you, notice how he moved and what he did. Remember how that made you feel, how you began your relationship with that subject. Well, you’ve done it! I bet one of the features that came to mind is listed below:

A. He was explanatory

B. He made you participate

C. He knew his subject

D. He cared for you (the class)

E. He loved what he shared (the subject)

For the record, I bet most who read this article chose
option E and perhaps one of the other answers.
The point is we all know that one teacher influenced us in an ethical and positive way. We also know that the five characteristics noted above were decisive in our experience. But how are they related to the Principles of Influence?

He was explanatory – On the one hand, to be explanatory
implies a difference from the traditional teacher who was merely descriptive. So “to explain” implies effort, which implies an interest in the person – the student – to make sure he or she understands what is being shared during class. When the student understands that gives meaning to the class and that’s a comforting feeling. Thus, we find Liking. Striving to explain something involves approaching the figure of the student, and that is translated into a form of mutual identification.
Likewise, when the student feels he understands
something, some of the barriers he had about not study are demolished. In short, he is now open to learn more. This is an example of Commitment and Consistency which the teacher can draw on to further the learning.
Finally, when the teacher strives to explain the subject,
strives to approach the students, this creates an obligation to respond which taps into Reciprocity. So the more explanatory is the teacher, the better results are obtained.
He made you participate in the class – The student feels
important when he feels he is part of what’s going on. This feeling is comforting only if the teacher knows to balance the fears or nerves the student may have. However, in general terms the student will always feel positive when involved with peers. The student perceives the other’s participation and Consensus – going along with the crowd – makes him want to participate as well. This process increases the degree of student involvement with the subject so he feels more “compelled” to study after class. While making the class more horizontal, the teacher is placed on the same level as the student, a form of identification, and liking is increased.
He knows a lot – This is obviously Authority. We see that
element is very important because the above items, with the great presence of Liking, need to be balanced. In this sense, the students value the use of anecdotes and examples unknown. On the other side “to know much” is a point of reference for students. It becomes a reference image that can be pursued to improve, and it becomes an element of inspiration.
He loved what he talked about – As I noted earlier, this is the most important point of all. This is what makes all the other points possible. To love your subject means you have passion and that passion is contagious, motivating people to listen. It also makes learning more fun. It is the perfect combination of liking and authority. As others get involved because of that passion which makes it easier for those on the fringes – consensus – to join in and feel a part of what’s taking place.
We all know the influence a teacher can have because we have all felt that force. The key is that we should make people feel those same things as we meet them in our everyday life. And that can influence them to change and improve.

Yago

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700,000 Great Reasons To Use Yellow Sticky Notes

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I’m going to give you 700,000 great reasons to use yellow sticky notes. Most of my career was with State Auto Insurance which gave me a proving ground to see how influence and persuasion training worked in “the real world.” It’s one thing to read about psychological studies but quite another to translate the findings into business practices that help the bottom line. 

In Yes: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive, the authors (Cialdini, Goldstein, Martin) cite two studies where yellow sticky notes were used to engage people and increase their willingness to take action. In both studies, when a sticky note with a handwritten message was attached to a survey cover letter, the response rate to each survey more than doubled when compared to sending out the survey cover letter by itself. 

Most people would deny they took either survey because of the sticky note and short handwritten message. However, quite often the psychology is triggered at the subconscious level and that’s a big reason people don’t recognize their own thought process – they’re simply unaware of how the psychological stimuli affected their behavior.

Why does a sticky note with a short message work so well? That’s reciprocity in action, that need to give back when someone does something for us. Using a sticky note with a handwritten message takes extra time and effort and it also personalizes the request. Consciously or subconsciously, survey recipients respond to that small act in a big way. How else can you explain the response rate doubling in two separate studies?

Now for the 700,000 great reasons. Some time ago, within days of returning from an extended Christmas break, I was called into a meeting with a half dozen people. The reason for the meeting was because our company made a big mistake – a $700,000 error to be exact. We had accidentally overpaid 150 insurance agencies in one of our operating states, doubling their commission income for the month of December! It would have been nice if we could have pushed a button to electronically take the money back, but we couldn’t. Our plan to get the overpayments back as quickly as possible included a letter from our home office accounting manager with clear instructions on exactly what each agency owner needed to do in order to remit the overpayment.

Fortunately, the accounting manager had been through my training where I shared the results of the sticky note studies. I reminded him about the studies and told him, “If you don’t have time to put a sticky note on each letter and sign them, call me and I’ll do it.” He was a good student and remembered the training so he assured me he would put a signed sticky note on each letter before mailing them.

A few weeks later I called him to find out how the collection was going and his exact words were, “I’m floored!” I asked why and he proceeded to tell me 130 of the 150 agencies had already sent the money back in full. Being an optimist, I innocently asked, “You mean everyone didn’t send it back?” That got a good laugh then he replied, “We are talking about money. A lot of times people will say, ‘It’s your problem, you fix it,’ or ‘Let’s work out a repayment schedule,’ because they’ve already spent the money.”

When we had lunch a few months later, he told me 147 of the 150 agencies had repaid the money in full! We don’t know if they all paid it back so quickly just because of the sticky notes, but our experience tells us many more responded and did so much more quickly. And our experience exactly corroborated the two independent studies.

This is worth repeating: small changes can lead to big differences! The great news is many times what it takes to produce those big changes costs little to nothing. In this situation it was packets of sticky notes and 30 extra minutes to sign them and attach them to letters. That’s a great ROI – Return on Influence. And yes, return on investment also!

How can you Influence PEOPLE? Do you still send things through the mail asking people to do something? You should – even in today’s electronic world. And when you do, invest in some sticky notes, take time to write a short, personalized note, and you’ll see much better results.

Original post 1/30/12. Revised post on 2/9/23 using the chapter from my first book, Influence PEOPLE.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

 

How We Deal with Information Overload

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We’re in the dead of winter in Columbus, Ohio, and that means each morning as I make my way into work, it’s pitch black outside. As I drove to work recently, traffic was heavy and moving slowly so I had time to reflect. As I looked around I was struck by how much there is to see but which goes unnoticed when I’m driving closer to the speed limit.

During the drive I paid particular attention to the buildings and myriad of lights. The lights were easily distinguished from the car lights as were buildings from the trees and many other objects. Having worked for State Auto Insurance for more than 20 years, I’ve conservatively made the same drive about 4,000 times and yet, on this day, I noticed certain things for the first time.
In the midst of all this my mind wandered to persuasion and how the principles of influence work on people. Just like my brain doesn’t need to process certain input – many objects in the distance – when making the drive, neither do our minds process all the information that comes our way each day. Here’s an interesting quote that tells us just how bombarded we are:

“This year, the average consumer will see or hear 1 million marketing messages – that’s almost 3,000 per day. No human being can pay attention to 3,000 messages every day.” Fast Company – Permission Marketing by William C. Taylor

You might be thinking “Wow!” right about now, so I’ll wow you even more. That quote is now 14 years old! Imagine how much more marketing material comes your way though the proliferation of the Internet, Facebook, and smart phones. There’s no way you can process it all and that’s why Martin Lindstrom, author of Buyology, asserts that 85% of what you do every day is processed by your subconscious.
Because we cannot process all the information that comes in through our senses, our brains develop shortcuts to help us manage. The principles of influence tap into this subconscious processing quite often. While there are certainly times when they lead to mistakes and other times where manipulative people use them to take advantage of us, more often than not they lead to good decisions and that’s why we come to rely on them so heavily. Below are
some examples of the principles at work in your decision making.
1. When your neighbor gets his house painted and you think it looks nice you’re probably very willing to use the same painters. Your friendship – liking – lets you rely on their recommendation much more than those of mere acquaintances. After all, friends want to help friends.
2. Someone invites you to a party and you enjoy yourself. Even though you’ve never asked them to a movie or dinner before, you do so next time because you appreciate their hospitality. We tend to “return the favor” because that’s how reciprocity works.
3. You’re not too interested in seeing a new movie but four people in your group of six want to see it, so you go along. Consensus, what everyone else is doing, impacted your decision. You may or may not like the movie but odds are you still enjoyed yourself because you were with your friends and that was better than going to a movie alone.
4. You’re watching your regular news station – could be FOX or CNN – and hear political commentary from a news anchor quoting a prominent politician from the party you support. You’re more likely to believe the report without investigating it further because of the authority of both the news anchor and the politician.
5. Your friend asked you to help him move next Saturday because you once said, “If you ever need anything just call me.” You really wanted to watch the ballgame but you help him instead because if you didn’t you’d feel like you were backing out of your word. That’s consistency at work in you.
6. You love IKEA and hear they’re having a huge sale but it ends on Sunday. You hop in the car and make the drive to the store even though you don’t really need any new furniture. Scarcity is prompting you to do something you wouldn’t have done otherwise.
In most of these examples, critical thinking is largely bypassed. When I give a talk or lead a training session I always have people who insist they don’t fall for any of this. I just smile because I know those are typically the people who respond to persuasion attempts the most and their strong reaction is a way to convince themselves they don’t, because it makes them feel as if they’ve lost some freedom of choice and have been duped. But they also miss the point that most of the time people are not trying to take advantage of them. There’s nothing wrong with going to the movie most people want to see or inviting a couple out to dinner because they first invited you to a party. As I noted earlier, the principles of influence generally guide us into good behavior and that’s why we continue to use them “on automatic pilot” so often.If you’re viewing this by email and want to listen to the audio version click here. If you want to leave a comment click here.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You
Learn to Hear “Yes”.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

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It was in Hamlet that William Shakespeare penned the famous line, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” I came across this quote while doing some research for a training class I’ll be leading on attitude but the more I thought about that simple sentence the more I thought about how persuasion differs from manipulation. Some people are uncomfortable with the psychology of persuasion because they think using that knowledge gives them an unfair advantage over others.

It’s true that understanding how people’s minds work and knowing more effective ways to get someone to say “Yes” gives you an advantage. However, I don’t see that being any different than good looking people having a leg up when it comes to modeling, math whizzes doing better in fields like accounting, or people with great voices having a better chance at a singing career.
In each case those people possess something most others do not but we don’t consider it an unfair advantage. To be sure, if a good looking person uses their looks to take advantage of you or if the math genius knowingly confuses you with numbers to get the best deal then we’d say those people were not acting in a fair manner.
Richard
Shell and Mario Moussa, authors of The Art of WOO, have a wonderful quote that goes to the heart of the matter so to speak. They wrote, “An earnest and sincere lover buys flowers and candy for the object of his affections. So does the cad who succeeds to take advantage of another’s heart. But when the cad succeeds, we don’t blame the flowers and candy. We rightly question his character.”
Flowers and candy are neither good nor bad because, as Shakespeare rightly pointed out, we are the ones who ascribe meaning to them. Flowers can be wonderful when a man gives them to a woman when he asks her to marry him. They can also signify profound sadness when displayed at a funeral. Candy might not be so good if
you’re on a diet but it’s usually received with great joy by little kids on Halloween.
So
what does this have to do with understanding the psychology of persuasion? The six principles of influence as defined by Dr. Cialdini are neither good nor bad. They simply describe how people respond to one another and each can be used in positive ways or each can be used to take advantage of another person. Let’s take a brief look at each principle to see how this can happen.
Reciprocity tells us people feel obligated to return the favor when someone first does something for them. This is a great principle to know if you helped a friend move and need help down the road because your friend will be very likely to want to return the favor and help you. Of course there are always people who give you things or do things for you just so you’ll feel obligated to help them in some way.
Liking is the natural inclination to enjoy working with or being around people we like. Finding ways to like other people and get them to like you makes life much easier. Don’t you enjoy working with people you like? Sure you do. And I bet you want to like your neighbors and hope they like you. Deceitful people will tap into this principle by flattering you just to get you to do what they want.
Consensus is the tendency for us to go along with the crowd. Much of the time this is the right thing to do because “there’s safety in numbers” and “everybody can’t be wrong.” A dishonest person might try to sway you by telling you how “everyone” is doing something because they understand you’ll feel a psychological pull to go along with the crowd.
Authority is all about our reliance on people we view as experts. When you don’t have time to do a lot of research it’s a big time saver to defer to an expert. For example, most people don’t want to do their own taxes so they hire an accountant. On the flip side, there are people who prey upon this by creating a false impression of authority just so you’ll trust them.
Consistency is all about people doing what they say they’ll do or doing what you’ve done in the past. That’s very good because we can rely on people to continue in a consistent manner when we engage them. Of course, the manipulator seeing that can dupe the unsuspecting person by referring to something they said just to take advantage of this principle.
Scarcity comes into play when people’s actions are impacted by the thought of something becoming less available. Quite often this is good because we don’t miss out on opportunities that might go away. However,
this can be used against us when untrustworthy types create a false sense of urgency to get us to act in the moment rather than giving us time to consider all options.
As you can see, each of the six principles has an upside. In fact, I’d say the upsides are huge because they typically help us make good decisions faster. After all, if they didn’t lead to good decisions most of the time we’d quickly figure that out and stop responding to the cues. But just as flowers and candy aren’t
always good, the principles can be used in manipulative ways by some people who are only looking to get their way no matter the cost to the other, unsuspecting person. Just like the honest and sincere lover and the cad, it comes down to the motive of the person wielding the principles. I trust that you as a reader have come to see my focus is on the ethical use so win-win situations are created. Even if you don’t see yourself as the influencing type, understanding the principles will also help you protect yourself from the cad.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.