Tag Archive for: reciprocity

Influencers from Around the World – How Executives Can Learn Influence

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This month’s
Influencers from Around the World guest post comes by way of my good friend
Sean Patrick. Through the power of the internet, he sent it to me all the way
from Ireland in just milliseconds. Sean started a his own sales training
company, Sales Training Evaluation, and spends time in various parts of Europe training salespeople and
executives. Sean was in the U.S. several years ago to attend the Principles of
Persuasion workshop and there’s a good chance he’ll be here again in late
summer or early fall. If you don’t get to meet him while he’s here you can always
“meet” him on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
How
Executives Can Learn Influence
How can executives acquire meaningful persuasion
skills so they can influence outside their power brokerage?  As people like myself know all too well,
skill transfer is one of the toughest tasks that can be placed upon a learning
and development executive.  Natural
persuaders just like successful sales people who adhere to no formal sales
process, struggle to share insights into their behaviors.  They will tell you that they “just do it.”  It just flows.  Words can’t describe the cognitive processes,
emotions and beliefs that form specific actions to take place at specific
intervals during the influence process. So imagine you’re the boss of a very
large department and you need to come up with a plan to motivate more
production out of your staff.  In today’s
corporate world, working environments are highly collaborative as well as
individualistic, where multi stakeholder partnerships exist. It’s these
environments in which the skills of influence rule over old school
manipulation.
According to Dr. Robert Cialdini, today’s
executives who lack the superior communication skills of the “naturals” can
turn to science in place of sourcing the very same skills that win deals, gain
compliance and get employees to willfully change.  Executives can gain consensus and win
concessions by mastering simple basic principles that can be easily learned and
applied in a relatively short period of time.
Here are a few simple ways where influence can be
applied in everyday corporate environments:
1. Liking – Informal conversations during the
workday create an ideal opportunity to discover common areas of interest,
whether it’s a sports team, hobby, or watching “Mad Men.” The important thing
is to establish the commonality early because it creates a sense of goodwill
and trustworthiness in every subsequent encounter. It’s much easier to build
support for projects when the people you’re trying to persuade are already
bonded with you.  Managers, who praise
members of their staff where relationships have been impaired, begin to
radically turn around those relationships through the simple act of
recognition.
Researchers at the University of North Carolina
writing in the Journal of Experimental
Social Psychology, found that men acted more favorably for an individual
who flattered them even if the compliments were untrue. And in their book Interpersonal Attraction
(Addison-Wesley, 1978), Ellen Berscheid and Elaine Hatfield Walster presented
experimental data showing that positive remarks about another person’s traits,
attitude, or performance reliably generates liking in return, as well as
willing compliance.
2. Reciprocity – Line managers who share staff and
resources with their peers who are fast approaching deadlines are more likely
to receive favors and help when they need it in the future. Odds will improve
even more if you say, when your colleague thanks you for the assistance,
something like, “Sure, glad to help. I know how important it is for me to count
on your help when I need it.” 
Gift giving is one of the cruder applications of
the rule of reciprocity. In its more sophisticated uses, it promises a genuine
first-mover advantage on any manager who is trying to foster positive attitudes
and productive personal relationships in the office
3. Social Proof – According to one of Dr. Cialdini’s
research pieces, a group of researchers went door-to-door in Columbia, S.C.,
soliciting donations for a charity campaign and displaying a list of neighborhood
residents who had already donated to the cause. The researchers found that the
longer the donor list was, the more likely those solicited would be to donate
as well.  The people being solicited
became the subject to the power of peer pressure once they saw the names of all
their neighbors on the list.
4. Consistency – People need not only to like you but
also to feel committed to what you want them to do. Good turns are one reliable
way to make people feel obligated to you. Another is to win a public commitment
from them.  Israeli researchers writing
in 1983 in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin recounted how they
asked half the residents of a large apartment complex to sign a petition
favoring the establishment of a recreation center for the handicapped. The
cause was good and the request was small, so almost everyone who was asked
agreed to sign. Two weeks later, on National Collection Day for the
Handicapped, all residents of the complex were approached at home and asked to
give to the cause. A little more than half of those who were not asked to sign
the petition made a contribution. But an astounding 92% of those who did sign
donated money. The residents of the apartment complex felt obligated to live up
to their commitments because those commitments were active, public, and
voluntary.
5. Authority – The principle of authority asks us to
believe in the advice dispensed by experts. Since there’s good reason to take
heed to expert advice, executives should take pains to ensure that they
establish their own expertise before they attempt to exert influence.
Surprisingly often, people mistakenly assume that others recognize and
appreciate their experience. The task for managers who want to establish their
claims to expertise is somewhat more difficult. They can’t simply nail their
diplomas to the wall and wait for everyone to notice. A little subtlety is
called for.
Through liking and similarity, they can also
provide an opportunity to establish expertise. Perhaps telling an anecdote
about successfully solving a problem similar to the one that’s on the agenda at
the next meeting or maybe a recreational dinner is the time to describe years
spent mastering a complex discipline, as part of the ordinary give-and-take of
conversation.
6. Scarcity – Study after study shows that items and
opportunities are seen to be more valuable as they become less available.
That’s a tremendously useful piece of information for managers.  Managers can learn from retailers how to
frame their offers not in terms of what people stand to gain but in terms of
what they stand to lose if they don’t act on the information.  According to a 1994 study in the journal Organizational Behavior and Human Decision
Processes, potential losses figure far more heavily in managers’ decision-making
rather than potential gains. In framing their offers, salespeople and
executives should also remember that exclusive information is more persuasive
than widely available data.
The persuasive power of exclusivity can be
harnessed by any manager who comes into possession of information that’s not
widely available and that supports an idea or initiative he or she is aligned
to.  The next time that kind of
information crosses your path, gather your key stakeholders.  The information itself may seem dull, but
exclusivity will give it a special appeal. Push it out to those who need to
buy-in and inform them saying, “You just got this report today. It won’t be
distributed until next week, but I want to give you an early look at what it
shows.” Then notice the rise in interest.
Over to you
If you manage people in your job, how can you take
these examples of persuasion and use to gain compliance?
I’d love to hear about how you’ve pushed yourself
to use these principles of persuasion. 
I’d also love to hear about your wins and what you learned through the
experience.
Sean
Sources:
Influence:
Science and Practice (Allyn & Bacon, 2001)
Influence At Work www.influenceatwork.com         
HBR Business
Essentials: Power, Influence and Persuasion (HBR Press, 2005)
Social Psychology,
3rd ed. (Oxford University Press, 1985)

5 Reasons Why Starbucks is so Persuasive

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What better place to write this post than sitting in Starbucks on a beautiful spring day. The smooth jazz is playing as the barista and others hustle behind the counter helping a diverse group of people who pop in and out for their daily fix. Of course, there’s also the smell of roasted coffee beans in the air. All the senses are engaged when you visit a Starbucks.

Coffee has gone from the Maxwell House and Folgers morning drink to something we enjoy 24 hours a day. That shift is due in large part to Starbucks. It’s amazing when you think about it because you don’t see Starbucks commercials on television and you don’t hear them on the radio. You won’t see them on billboards or magazines either. So how does a company do what Starbucks has done with no advertising? Here are my thoughts on why Starbucks is so persuasive.

Reason #1 – They create an experience when you walk into a store. Reread my opening paragraph and you’ll see what I mean. There’s no mistaking it; you know when you’re in a Starbucks. Oh sure, you can get good coffee at Panera, Cup ‘O Joe, McDonalds (or so they say) and other places but none of them feels cool like Starbucks. It’s enjoyable to sit and take it all in as you enjoy your favorite caffeinated drink. This differentiation is the principle of scarcity at work. You can’t get this feeling anywhere else.Not only is the service great inside, it’s excellent at the drive-through as my friend and LinkedIn guru Bob McIntosh points out his post Want Great Customer Service, Go to Starbucks.

Reason #2 – The baristas and others who work here really seem to enjoy their jobs and I don’t think it’s because they’re hyped up on caffeine. I’m not familiar with Starbucks’ hiring process but the company knows what it wants in an employee and does a great job hiring the right people. That’s a huge part of the Starbucks brand. When you walk in you’re greeted by multiple people asking how your day is going. They engage you in a way that makes you like them and as we all know, people like to do business with people they like. That’s the principle of liking and it makes you want to come back again and again.

Reason #3 – Something that stands out about Starbucks is how easily recognizable its cups are. It’s amazing how many times you see them when you’re out and about. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the airport, at the mall, out for a walk in the park or anyplace else. That’s Starbucks’ advertising – me, you and everyone else walking around with a Starbucks in hand! The more we see people with their Starbucks, the more it signals to us that it’s a great product. The principle of consensus tells us people look to others to get a sense of what’s appropriate behavior. Which would you assume is the better restaurant, the one with lots of empty tables or the one with a wait? Most people would assume the latter and so it is with Starbucks.

Reason #4 – Have you tried the Starbucks app? I think it’s one of the best apps available for your smart phone. You can put in your favorite drink so when you visit you hold the app up to the scanner and the barista knows exactly what you want. It has a store locator, which is great if you travel a lot like I do. You even get free songs from iTunes almost weekly, which is cool because it exposes me to music I probably wouldn’t go look for, or want to buy. This giving engages the principle of reciprocity, making us more likely to return the favor, so to speak, by purchasing coffee.

Reason #5 – But the smartest move Starbucks made with their app is the ability to load it with cash so you can pay by phone. It works just like having a gift card except you don’t need the gift card because you pay with the phone. The brilliance is once you’ve loaded the app you don’t feel like you’re actually spending money when you buy your coffee! After all, if I have $25 or $50 on my app I’ll go out of my way to use it versus perhaps stopping by some other coffee shop where I have to “pay.”

And think about this; it’s much easier for consumers to make a few, larger purchases by reloading the app occasionally as opposed to constantly pulling $5 or $10 out to pay each time you stop by a store. In other words, Starbucks has removed the pain of paying.

Is Starbucks for everyone? Of course not, but there’s no denying the company is an incredible success and that’s not by accident. Starbucks is very intentional in its attempts to persuade us to get our fix at one of its local establishments and I’d say it’s doing an amazing job.

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

2 Simple Keys to Building Great Relationships

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Why does engaging reciprocity help relationships? When you do something for another person, they usually appreciate the effort, and in the midst of that, they experience good feelings towards you. Those good feelings are a result of endorphins kicking in, and their thoughts about you are positive.

A word of caution – don’t do things to build a “bank” of favors. We can all think of people we know who keep mental accounts, and it usually makes us suspicious when they do something for us.

I’ve encountered people like that, and I find myself more focused on “what do you want” instead of appreciating what they’re doing.

Liking is the other relationship principle. We know we like people who like us, and it makes everything easier when we have to deal with them. Getting people to like you is fairly easy. If you connect on things you have in common, that’s a great way to start easy conversations and build from there.

I always think of my wife, Jane, when it comes to this principle because whenever she sees someone wearing Pittsburgh Steelers clothing, she says, “Go Steelers.” In the blink of an eye, they’re talking, and you’d think they’d known each other for years.

Another simple way to engage liking is to share compliments with people when you note something praiseworthy. All too often, people have good thoughts about others but don’t share them. You’ll get those endorphins flowing with the other person if you offer a sincere compliment. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Everyone likes a compliment.”

Now here’s the real key to liking and reciprocity – focus on the other person and their best interests, not your own. When it comes to reciprocity, become the kind of person who genuinely wants to help others.

The more people sense you have their best interests at heart, the more open they’ll be to your offer to help. Don’t worry about what you’ll get in return, just give because the more you help people, the more they’ll want to help you. That’s why Zig Ziglar famously said, “You can get everything you want in life if you would just help enough other people get what they want.”

How do we focus on the other person with liking? Simple – don’t try to get them to like you, do what you can to like them. The same things that will make people like you will make you like them. If you find you come from the same hometown, have the same pets, root for the same team, etc., it becomes easy for you to like them.

As you see praiseworthy traits – and verbalize them – you begin to convince yourself the other person is really a good individual. When the other person begins to sense you truly like them, that’s when everything changes.

The bottom line is this – look for ways to give and connect that are in the best interest of others. They’ll appreciate it, respond positively, and it will have the same effect on you. It will truly be a win-win for everyone.

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influential Mad Men

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I became a fan of the television series Mad Men a few years ago during the show’s fourth season on AMC. Over the holidays, thanks to Netflix, I went back and watched the first three seasons so I could fill in lots of holes on different characters.

The show revolves around a mysterious character who goes by the name of Don Draper. I say, “goes by the name of” because that’s not his real name. Part of the appeal of the series for me is that it takes place in an advertising agency back in the 1960s. That’s the decade when I was born so I remember many of the products they pitch.

Another reason for the appeal is that at its core, advertising is persuasion. Advertising is all about changing people’s behavior, trying to get them to buy the products being advertised. Throughout Mad Men, you learn that most people don’t respect Don Draper and the rest of the characters they encounter because of what they do. In the late ‘50s and early ‘60s, advertising was seen as Madison Avenue types trying to get unsuspecting people to buy things they didn’t really need or want.

There’s some truth to that last statement however, because we’re so saturated with ads today the advertising onslaught seems normal to us. In an article titled PermissionMarketing, which was written for the magazine Fast Company, William C. Taylor told readers, “This year, the average consumer will see or hear one million marketing messages – that’s almost 3,000 per day.” Here’s a scary thought – that quote is now 15 years old! If the average American consumer was exposed to a million marketing messages in 1995, how much more are we exposed to today with the explosion of the Internet and cable television? Just think about all the ads you see on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and other social media sites that didn’t exist 15 years ago. It’s overwhelming!

Can you possibly take in all the information from millions of marketing messages, rationally analyze it then make the most informed choice? Nobody can, so to help navigate the tidal wave of information that comes our way we use mental shortcuts. By that, I mean when we hear certain reliable bits of information we sometimes act upon it, nearly to the exclusion of other information, so we can move on to whatever else is competing for our attention.

This is where the Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence come into the decision-making process. These principles describe psychological scenarios where it’s easier for us to say “Yes.” For example, the more you know and like someone the easier it is to say “yes” to them. In advertising we sometimes come to feel as if we know certain spokespeople in commercials. Progressive’s Flo character is a good example. The more people feel they know and like Flo the more likely they are to get a Progressive quote. This is the principle of liking.

The principle of reciprocity clearly shows you’re more likely to help someone who’s first helped you in some way or given you something. This is why you get “freebies” at the grocery store and in the mail. Those “freebies” make it more likely we’ll buy from the company that’s given those “gifts” to us.

In advertising another big way we’re influenced is through the principle of consensus. When we believe something is a best seller, that everyone else is buying the item, we become more likely to purchase it too. An example here would be touting a book that’s made the New York Times’ Best Seller list. Once we hear that single fact it legitimizes that the book is probably pretty good and worth buying. After all, can hundreds of thousands, or millions of readers all be wrong?

Spokespeople are sometimes used in advertising because they convey authority and we’re more likely to listen to so-called experts. If I tell you a certain golf ball added 20 yards to my drive would that be enough for you to buy the ball or do you think a golf pro like CoreyPavin telling people how great the new golf ball is would sell more? Most people would listen to Corey Pavin because he won the U.S. Open and has finished in the top five of the other three major golf championships during his career. This is the principle of authority in action.

Advertisers often tap into the principle of consistency to get us to buy. They tie the virtues of their product into what we’ve said or done in the past or relate the product’s attributes to our deeply held values. For example, most breadwinners want to provide for and protect their families. Advertising that shows how a particular life insurance product will allow a family to continue living in the lifestyle they’re accustomed to should the breadwinner pass away will sell more easily because it ties into the value of family protection.

And finally there’s the principle of scarcity. This principle of influence tells us people want things more when they’re becoming less available. This principle is probably most familiar to us because we see it continually when we’re hit with ads telling us “Sale Ends Sunday,” “While Supplies Last,” or “One Day Only!” This is also the reason gun sales skyrocketed after the Sandy Hook tragedy. People were afraid if they didn’t buy a gun now they might not be able to in the future.

If you take the time to watch Mad Men (season premier is April 7 on AMC) you’ll see the principles employed at every turn as they build out advertising campaigns for clients. Of course, all you need to do is pay attention to regular advertising that comes your way and you’ll see all the same principles at work. When you recognize them simply ask yourself if you’re making the best decision possible or if you’re only acting because of one piece of data at the expense of other, perhaps more relevant information. Do this and you’re sure to make better decisions over the long haul.

 

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

She Tricked Me into Marrying Her … Sort of

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This week Jane and I celebrate our 25th
wedding anniversary. On March 12, 1988, we exchanged vows before friends,
family and God in the Waynesburg Presbyterian Church. I have to say, it doesn’t
seem like 25 years ago!

A funny thing happened on the way to the
alter; Jane tricked me into marrying her … sort of. Actually she employed a
principle of influence but I’m not totally sure if she knew what she was doing.
We met on our first day of work and started dating
a few weeks later. Within weeks of that, I was telling friends she might be
“the one.” Things went along smoothly until my ex-girlfriend called and that
threw me for a loop. A few months of indecision ensued and what made it extra
difficult was Jane and I still worked together and saw each other daily.
We’d stopped going out sometime in early April
and one day in late April I saw Jane in the break room and asked how she was
doing. She said she was doing fine and wouldn’t go out with me again even if I asked.
Less than two weeks later we were going out and I asked her to marry me on her
birthday.
When I used to tell the story I bragged as if
I was some kind of stud that she just couldn’t resist. While I was doing that
Jane was probably telling her friends, “All I had to tell him was I wouldn’t go
out with him again even if he asked…and he asked me to marry him!”
In case you’re not aware of what happened,
Jane used the principle of scarcity on me. This principle of persuasion tells
us people want things more when they’re less available. I bet every one of you
reading this can think of a time where you stopped going out with someone or
were considering it but when you learned they liked someone else everything
changed. All of a sudden you wanted them more than ever!

In my defense, I’d like to think part of the
reason she said “yes” was because I engaged a little reciprocity. I planned to
ask her to marry me on her birthday to throw her off my real intention. I gave
her a dozen roses at work then showed up at her apartment with another dozen
roses and a bottle of wine that evening. She thought it was all for her birthday. Next I
took her to dinner in a Silver Cloud Rolls Royce I’d rented, driver and all. On
the way home I popped the question in the back seat and gave her the ring. She
couldn’t say no after all I’d done…she owed me!

Something happened after I asked her to marry
me. All the uncertainty that plagued me for months left and it was no longer an
issue trying to decide between the ex and Jane. I can honestly say I never
looked back and wondered “what if?” Because I’d made an active, public
commitment, the principle of consistency was now at work on me.
In all truthfulness, each of us was a bungler
of persuasion and we were lucky in our application of some of the principles of
influence. We were also bunglers in marriage at such a young age but overcame
obstacles and have been in a really good place for a long time. Just as life is
easier when you understand and ethically apply persuasion, marriage is easier
when you learn and practice two things to the best of your ability.
  1. Cherish the other person because time goes by quickly (scarcity). 
  2. Put the other person’s well being above your own. When you do,
    most of the time they will respond in kind (reciprocity).

I’ll conclude with this since it’s my
anniversary. I’d like to tell all of you that Jane is incredible! The more time
passes and I watch her continue to grow and mature, the more amazed I am at
her. If God had let me put together the perfect spouse I wouldn’t have come up
with someone as wonderful as Jane. Part of the reason is I wouldn’t have been
creative enough and the other part would have been a lack of faith that there
would be someone so beautiful, kind, smart, funny and so many other amazing traits.
I’m a very blessed man!

Brian, CMCT® 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Persuasion Can Double Your Results at Half the Cost!

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It’s a new year and that means a fresh start. The profit and sales measures have all been reset to zero and the sky is the limit. If I could share with you a proven persuasion technique that could potentially double your results at half the cost would you be interested?

Most businesses use rewards to stimulate the desired results. That’s not bad business but there’s a more cost effective way that can help you get better results. How, you ask? By engaging people with gifts instead of rewards.
Rewards are based on an “if you, I will” system whereas gifts are simply “I will.” You see, a gift given does not
necessarily mean the other person will do what you want. We only need to look at charitable organizations like Easter Seals or March of Dimes to realize not everyone donates to those causes. However, if those two organizations are like the American Veterans they probably see twice as many people donate because of those little mailing labels – gifts – we receive in the mail.
When people are given a gift they feel compelled to give back in some way. We call that tendency “reciprocity.” I often share a reciprocity study in workshops that makes business owners sit up and take notice.
A health insurance company wanted owners of construction companies to take a health insurance survey. Half of the owners
were told they’d be given $50 when they completed and returned the completed survey. That’s pretty generous! The other owners were given a $5 check up front with a short note letting them know their time was valuable and thanked them for taking the survey.
On the surface most people would conclude two
things:

  1. Those being offered $50 will be far more likely to take the survey. After all,
    the incentive is 10 times more.
  2. Giving $5 up front will be too costly, especially because people can “take the money and run” and skip completing the
    survey.
If you thought either of those, you were wrong on both accounts. What they found was more than twice as many people took the survey when given the $5 check (52% vs. 23%) and the cost savings was potentially huge. If every person receiving the $5 check cashed it, the insurance company would have still saved 57%, but if only those who completed the survey cashed
it, the savings would have been 77%!
You don’t need to be a mathematician or have much business savvy to know more than doubling your results at a savings of more than 50%, possibly as much as 77%, makes good business sense.
Why do we see such a phenomenal result? Because reciprocity, the need we all feel to give back, is ingrained in us from
our earliest memories. As soon as we’re able to speak, mom and dad taught us to say “thank you” when someone did something for us. As we got older we learned more sophisticated ways to repay our obligations.
Next time you feel tempted to motivate someone with a big reward pause and consider whether or not there’s a way to give something significantly less and still get the desired behavior. It’s a new year so what better way to kick it off than by doubling your results at half the cost!

 

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Tis the Season to Reciprocate

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Here in the U.S. and across much of the world, it’s the holiday season and for most people the biggest holiday of them all is Christmas. Some celebrate Christmas as the season of joy and peace.  For others it is the season of love and for many more it’s the celebration of the birth of Jesus.
A huge part of celebrating Christmas is Santa Claus, Christmas trees and holiday music. In some stores Christmas music started around Halloween! Of course, the holiday season represents the bulk of sales for many stores, sometimes accounting for as much as 70% of their annual sales.  Sales success during the holiday season is a matter of economic survival for some stores.
All of this leads to another Christmas tradition – gift giving. The television show The Big Bang Theory had an excellent skit on the exchange of gifts, where Sheldon feels pressure because Penny got him a Christmas present. Here’s some of their exchange.

Sheldon: You bought me a present?

Penny: Yes.

Sheldon: Why would you do such a thing?

Penny: I don’t know, because it’s Christmas.

Sheldon: No Penny, I know you’re thinking you’re being generous but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift, you’ve given me an obligation.

Penny: Honey, it’s okay, you don’t have to give me anything in return.

Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as the gift you’ve give me. Gosh, no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.

It’s a very funny scene so if you’d like to watch the clip on YouTube, click here. The skit does hit the rule of reciprocity fairly well. This principle of influence tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who have first given to us. We also feel we should respond in kind so Sheldon was responding to a lifetime of conditioning when he felt like he had to match Penny’s gift.
We also see reciprocity at work in another of the Christmas traditions – exchanging holiday cards. Have you ever gotten a Christmas card in the mail from someone not on your list? How did you feel? I bet the majority of you reading this would respond in one of two ways:
  1. Get a card in the mail to the other person right away, or
  2. Add the person to your mailing list for next year.
Why do we respond this way? Because we’d feel socially awkward around the other person if we didn’t get them a card or gift and they took note of that.
We are so conditioned by reciprocity that we even respond when we don’t really want to. Here are some examples:
  • You’re at the mall and someone from a kiosk shoves something in your face and begins asking you questions. You respond – even though you’re rather they not do that – saying, “No thanks” when in reality you’re not thankful.
  • You get mailing labels in the mail and you respond to these “gifts” by sending the charitable organization money.
  • You’re out for drinks with friends and have had enough and are ready to go home but you stick around to buy one more round because you don’t want to be seen as having several drinks and not paying for a round yourself.

But there’s good news in all this. Sheldon wasn’t 100% accurate in the skit. He said suicide rates skyrocket this time of year and that’s not true. According the NYU Lagone Medical Center, “The media often links suicides during this time of year to the ‘holiday blues.’ However, various studies have shown no relationship between depression and suicide, and the holiday season. In fact, researchers found that depression rates and suicides actually drop during the winter months and peak in the spring.”

So while it may be the season to reciprocate, don’t buy gifts and send cards this time of year under penalty of death. However, beware, you might feel awkward around some people if you break the rule of reciprocity but that feeling will pass eventually.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – I Can vs I Did

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Most of you long time readers of Influence PEOPLE know Hoh Kim because of his many guest posts to the Influencers from Around the World series. Hoh is also a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT) and has his masters in communication from Marquette University. You can find out more about Hoh by visiting his website, The Lab h, and his blog, Cool Communications. You can connect with Hoh on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. 
Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 

Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

I Can vs. I Did 

What
are the key differences between more influential people and less influential
people?

I
participated in the Principles of Persuasion (POP) workshop in 2005. Then, I was trained by Dr. Robert Cialdini to be Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT) in 2008. Since then I have facilitated the two-day (16 hours) POP workshop more than 20 times. Sometimes, I meet some of the past participants of my workshop and discuss how they have used the principles of influence.
People
who participate in the POP workshop learn the scientific research and practical
application of the six principles of influence, which come from Dr. Robert Cialdini’s lifetime research. Even people who never participated in the workshop or read his book would be familiar with one or some of the Cialdini’s principles, like scarcity; people want more of what they can have less of, or authority, which says that people defer to experts.
But still, even after learning all the principles and tools, there are differences and some people become much more influential while others don’t. What makes the differences?
I
came to realize there are two types (or levels) of “educated” people: those who say, “I can do it,” vs. those who can say, “I did it.”
  1. “I can do it.”

    2. People get various sources of influence/persuasion; from books, advice from experts, school, seminars or workshop like POP, and so on. Let’s assume that you read the right books, got the right advice, and attended the right classes, seminars, or workshops on influence and persuasion. Once people learn the principles and techniques, they are in the level of “I can do it.” This is a level of possibilities and knowledge. For example, all the POP workshop participants can reach this level. Education and training can put the knowledge into your head but you need more than just that in order to become more influential. You have to move from “I can do it” to “I did it.”

  1. “I did it.”

    2. Over and over, year after year, I found that previous participants of my workshop who have reported they became much more influential and negotiated better outcomes for themselves share one important factor. They said “I did what I learned – at least one or some of the principles and techniques.” These people are in the level of practice (not just possibilities) and action (not just knowledge). They not only have the knowledge in their heads but they actually take actions with their hands.

Less Influential
More Influential
I
can do it
I
did it
Knowledge
Action
Possibilities
Practices
Head
Hand
The
last slide of my POP workshop says, “All know the ways, few actually walk it.” This is a quote from Bodhidharma, a Buddhist monk who lived during the 5th/6th century. The more I think about this quote, the more I come to believe its truth. For example, I know how to lose weight; i.e., eat less, exercise more. But, simply knowing that doesn’t mean I walk the way.
These
days, we can learn all those “ways” from the Internet and skip school, seminars and workshops. In most cases, the reason we fail to do something is not because we don’t know the way, but because we don’t walk the way we know.
So,
here’s a little tip for all of us as we are approaching Christmas and year-end. This is the opportunity to “practice” the principles of liking and reciprocity.
  1. Allocate at least one “uninterrupted” half-day in December (I allocated two full days for this).
  2. Review your calendar/schedules or business cards/your contact list. Select 30-50 people you really want to thank in the year of 2012.
  3. Write
    down short messages via cards, emails, or even text messages for them. You have to be specific in what you thank them for, not just “thank you for your help!” Praise them as appropriate. For some of the people, you can send little gifts.

For
the year 2013, let us “walk the way” not just “know the way.” 

Hoh, CMCT

PEOPLE – What Does it Mean to Persuade?

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In recent years there’s been a proliferation of books and blogs on the subject of influence and persuasion. Some are quite good but many are nothing more than a rehash of Dr. Robert Cialdini’s material.

Another problem is this; what some people call influence or persuasion is nothing more than vague advice without any basis in scientifically proven data.
If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you know what I share is often called “the science of influence” because findings are based on the research of social psychologists and behavior
economists.  In this series we’re working through the word PEOPLE and we now come to the second “P” which stands for Persuade. This begs the question, what does it actually mean to persuade someone?
A formal dictionary definition might read as follows, “to induce to believe by appealing to reason or understanding;
convince.” That’s okay, but I prefer Aristotle’s definition. Aristotle told the
world more than 2,000 years ago persuasion was “The art of getting someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask.”
I like Aristotle’s definition because it’s nice and simple; get someone to do something they’re not currently doing. If you’re a manager and your employees make it to work on time everyday then you don’t
need to change their behavior and no persuasion is necessary. The same could be said of your child; if your child is doing his/her homework then you don’t need to persuade him or her to study.
But here’s the problem; quite often people aren’t doing what we’d like them to do and when that’s the case, we need to communicate with them in a way that hopefully leads to a change in behavior. How we communicate; i.e., persuade, can make all the difference in hearing “Yes” or “No.”
Earlier in this series I shared why influence is Powerful; because it’s rooted in science. What I share with readers isn’t just someone’s good advice because sometimes people’s “good’ advice has no bearing for you. And sometimes people succeed in spite of themselves! Imagine a
relatively healthy 85-year-old person telling you they’ve smoked two packs of
cigarettes a day for more than 60 years and tries to convince you it wouldn’t harm you. Would you want to emulate their behavior just because they’ve lived a good long life? Of course you wouldn’t. Like most people you’d probably prefer to know what decades of studies have to say about healthy eating habits and lifestyle choices.
And so it is with learning the science of
influence because it’s rooted in six decades of research by social psychologists and behavioral economists. We’re much better off following the advice of people who study this for a living vs. people who might have made it big more by chance than skill.
Having shared that, I’d change Aristotle’s definition ever so slightly by replacing “art” with “science.” Doing so makes our definition of persuasion read as follows, “The science of getting someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask.” If
you’re in business you might say there are “best practices” in how to communicate if you want to get solid bottom line results.
So taking our lesson from science, here are a few examples of how you might want to alter your communication:
  • Stop making statements and start asking questions because it engages the principle of consistency. Once people give you their word they’ll do something, the odds of them following through go up significantly vs. telling them what to do.
  • Make sure people know your credentials up front. The principle of authority clearly shows that people listen to those with knowledge and expertise, but they have to know what your expertise is before you start talking.
  • Tell people what they stand to lose by not going along with your request because the principle of scarcity tells us people are more motivated by what they may lose as opposed to what they might gain.
  • Take extra time to personalize whatever you do for someone else. Reciprocity is the principle that tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who first give to them so going an extra step is usually met with a better response.

These are just a few ways to incorporate scientifically proven principles to persuade into your everyday communication. Next week we’ll examine the “L” in PEOPLE to see how persuasion can have a Lasting impact on people.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

PEOPLE – It’s Powerful Stuff

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I’ve been blogging for more than three and a half years now. I chose the name Influence PEOPLE because we don’t persuade things. No matter how good you or I become at persuading, we can only persuade people, not things. In addition to that idea I specifically chose PEOPLE because it stands for Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. I’m going to revisit PEOPLE over the next several weeks for a couple of reasons. First, I have many more readers now than when I started and I want to make sure all of you understand the PEOPLE part of the name. My second reason is because my nephew, Max, reached out to me asking about ethics.

So the first P in PEOPLE stands for Powerful. I often use the term “the science of influence” because there’s more than 60 years of research from social psychologists and behavioral economist into what causes one person to say “Yes” to another. When I lead a Principles of Persuasion workshop I emphasize the reality that small changes can make big differences because understanding the psychology of persuasion can make a big
difference. Here are some examples.
If you knew there was a factor that was twice as important in the sales process than selling the traditional
benefits of a product, would you want to know what it is so you could tap into it? Well here’s an example – a study was done on Tupperware sales and it was found that the social bond (i.e., friendship) was twice as important in the sale of Tupperware as was the preference for the product. The principle of liking tells us people prefer to say “Yes” to those they know and like. Having people like you and coming to like them can make a big, big difference in sales.
If you owned a restaurant that takes reservations then you know “no shows” cost you lots of money. Would you like to know a simple way to cut the number of no shows by two thirds, a change that
will cost you nothing? A study was done with a Chicago restaurant owner who saw no shows drop from 30% to 10% by changing the way hostesses took reservations. Instead of saying, “Please call if you have to cancel,” they began asking, “Will you please call if you have to cancel?” Because of the principle of consistency – people feel internal and external pressure to live up to their commitments – people either called, allowing the restaurant to take a new reservation, or showed up.
Let’s say you work for a charitable organization. Would you be willing to try something different in order to
double contributions? Sending a free gift such as mailing labels can significantly increase donations because of the power of reciprocity. People feel obligated to give to those who first give to them and those free mailing labels trigger this psychological response. The American Disabled Veterans organization reported donations increasing from 18% to 35% when appeals are accompanied by mailing labels.
Sometimes you need just a few more people to do what you want but you’re not sure how to make it happen. Sharing what everyone else is doing, consensus, is a great way to pull those last few
people along because the principle of consensus tells us people feel compelled to follow the crowd. I saw this once when 45 of 55 people I was training had bought a copy of Dr. Robert Cialdini’s book, Yes: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive. At the start of my training session I said, “I want to thank all of you because 45 of 55 of you bought Dr. Cialdini’s new book and that means we can literally be on the same page.” By the time the phone conference training was over and I returned to my desk seven of the 10 who had not bought the book emailed me to ask how much the book cost and who they should send the check to!
I could cite many more studies and real world examples but I think you get the point. Understanding the science of influence is Powerful! What I share isn’t based on someone’s good advice, or what worked for them; it’s rooted in decades of scientific research using controlled studies. I hope this persuades your thinking and that you’re starting to see that understanding how people think and behave and then adjusting your communication, can make a big difference with very little time, effort or money. I hope you’ll join me next week when we look at why persuasion is an Everyday skill.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.