Tag Archive for: science of influence

No Battle Plan Survives Contact With The Enemy

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There’s a saying in the military that’s attributed to Helmuth von Moltke, a German Field Marshall in the 1800s – “No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.” Why plan for battle then?

The late Bill Walsh, the Hall of Fame head football coach of the San Francisco 49ers, was known for scripting out the first 15 plays his offense would run to start the game. Quite often the script was out the window depending on what happened during the first few downs of the game. Why prepare a script then?

In many martial arts, practitioners go through forms or katas that simulate fight sequences against multiple opponents. It’s highly unlikely that any fight ever unfolded as laid out in a kata. Why
practice the sequences then?

In each case it seems as if the best preparation is a gamble, a potential waste of time and effort, so why go through the motions? Because there’s value in planning beyond the plan. Things may not unfold as planned but soldiers, athletes, and martial artists are more prepared for different eventualities than if they never trained or planned.

How confident would you be in your country’s ability to defend your homeland if they didn’t train and plan? How confident would you be about victory if your favorite sports team had no game plan? How confident would a martial artist be if they never thought about and practiced defending against multiple opponents only to find themselves facing several attackers?

The same thought process applies in persuasion. Many of the concepts I teach in the two-day Principles of Persuasion Workshop® take time and preparation. You see, being an effective persuader isn’t about being a silver-tonged devil in the moment any more than success on the battlefield is just about weapons, or being a good athlete on the football field, or kicking high in martial arts. All of those things are helpful but the best in each field succeed because they prepare and train.

So, what does preparation look like in persuasion? It starts with learning the science of influence. With more than 60 years of research in this field we can turn to studies that clearly tell us which principles of influence to use and when. This understanding will lead to more consistent success than relying on someone’s good advice, what worked for a friend, or your best hunch.

Another way preparation leads to success comes with homework; learning as much as you can about the person you’re trying to persuade. The more you know about someone before you meet with them the easier the persuasion process will be for a couple of reasons.

You can invoke the principle of liking by connecting on what you have in common or offering up genuine compliments. Scanning Facebook, reviewing a LinkedIn profile, or a quick Google search might be all it takes to find the commonalities or things to genuinely compliment.

To effectively utilize the principle of consistency you want to tie your request to what someone has said or done in the past, what they believe, their values, attitudes, etc., because people like to remain consistent in those areas. Again, many of these can be uncovered simply by doing a little research in advance of your meeting.

Will your next attempt at persuasion go as planned? Probably not. Will you be better off having done some planning and preparation? Almost assuredly!

So, here’s my advice – next time you have something important you want someone to say “Yes” to do a little homework beforehand and then allow yourself to see the situation unfold in your mind’s eye in different ways. These seemingly small things could have a big impact on the outcome.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

No Pain, No Gain – A Sports and Persuasion Motivator

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It’s almost August and football season is right around the corner. All across the country football coaches from Pee Wee leagues up through the NFL are exhorting players to push themselves to be the best they can be. Many will go through grueling workouts; some enduring “two-a-days” and a familiar cry from coaches will be “No pain, no gain!”

I remember my high school football coach repeating that phrase many times during my three years of varsity football. The meaning was simple – sacrifice now and reap the rewards later. Lifting weights, running wind sprints, repeating drills, and long practices in the hot summer sun would all be worth it when we achieved victory on Friday nights under the lights in front of our parents, friends and community.

In persuasion, “no pain, no gain” has a different meaning but can lead to success just as is did on the gridiron. When trying to influence others it’s good to know this simple concept – people are more motivated by what they stand to lose (pain) versus what they might gain. This is a form of scarcity.

The late Amos Tversky, a cognitive and mathematical psychologist, and Daniel Kahneman, a psychologist, studied this phenomenon of human behavior. In fact, Kahneman won the noble prize for his work in this area in 2002.

Here’s what Tversky and Kahneman learned – people experience the pain of loss anywhere from 2.0-2.5 times more than the joy of gaining the same thing. So imagine you find $100 bill on the way to your car after work. You’re elated! You drive home with a broad smile, feeling great about your good fortune. You pull into the driveway and walk into your home with extra spring in your step. As soon as you see someone you begin to tell him or her about your good fortune. You reach into your pocket to pull out the big bill…and it’s gone! How do you feel at that moment? Odds are you feel much worse than however good you felt when you found it. And here’s your litmus test; you left the house in a good mood without a $100 bill, got home without the $100 bill, but now you feel bad…really bad!

Why is this important to know? Sometimes you have a choice about how you’ll frame a request – highlight the gain or highlight the loss – and that small decision could be the difference between a “Yes!” or “No!” quite often.

In one study of homeowners by the University of California, people were given energy saving ideas. One group was told if they implemented the recommendations they would save an average of $180 on their electric bill over the next 12 months. Another group was told they would lose $180 during the next 12 months if they didn’t adopt the recommendations because they would overpay on their electric bill.

It’s the same $180 but when the group that was told they would lose heard this, 150% more decided to implement the energy saving recommendations. That’s a pretty significant difference just by changing the way information was presented. It costs no more to say it either way but the end result was huge.

What does this mean for you? Next time you present to someone think about how you might highlight potential loss instead of what someone might gain. For example, if you’re in financial services encouraging someone to save a bit more could make a huge difference in their retirement.

Gain Approach – Bob, if you can find a way to set aside 1% more of your income that could mean an additional $250,000 by the time you retire.

Loss Approach – Bob, if you can’t find a way to set aside 1% more of your income that could mean losing $250,000 by the time you retire!

The financial rep employing the loss approach will be more successful over the long run and clients will appreciate the advice when they hit retirement because they’ll have much more in their bank accounts.

I’m not encouraging you to be a negative Nellie but I am encouraging you to use language that scientific research has proven will be more effective in helping you hear “Yes!” That’s what this blog is all about – making small changes in your persuasion approach with people in order to generate big differences.

Every Human Society Teaches Its People This

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Marcel Mauss, the late French Sociologist, wrote a book called The Gift. He asserted that gifts are never truly free because reciprocity dictates that people return the favor by doing something for the gift giver. He went so far as to say every human society raises its people in the way of reciprocity.

I’m on the Westerville Education Foundation (WEF), a non-profit board that raises money for the Westerville schools when budgets fall short or where budgets may not cover certain expenses. I was persuaded to join the board by two State Auto colleagues who had been through my Principles of Persuasion workshop years ago.

A few weeks ago I was manning the WEF booth during a Fourth Friday event, a summer event in which residents pack uptown Westerville for food, drink, and music while vendors display their wares. One way the WEF tries to grab people’s attention is by using a game kids can play and win prizes. While the children play we hand out literature to their moms and dads and quickly tell them what we do.

As I volunteered I couldn’t help but notice something that happened in nearly every instance after a child won a prize. One of the parents would inevitably say to their child, “What do you say?” Upon hearing that every child turned to us and said, “Thank you,” before leaving with their prize.

That simple act was repeated so often it made me think about Marcel Mauss and his belief that every human society teaches its people to respond to the act of giving. The principle of influence known as reciprocity says we feel obligated to give back to those who’ve first given to us. This is where the phrase “much obliged” comes from. It is a simple acknowledgment that once somebody has done something for us we feel obligated to do something for him or her at some point in the future.

As parents teach their children to respond to acts of kindness and gifts with a “thank you” they are conditioning their kids to reciprocate. As the children grow up they learn more sophisticated ways to repay the favor. Eventually acts of kindness are met with thank you letters, thank you cards and return gifts.

The key to utilizing reciprocity is to be the first to act, the first to give. Once you’ve given something to another person the principle is set in motion and they feel somewhat indebted to you. If you wait for someone to do something for you, then you’ll be the one in debt.

You don’t need a budget to ethically engage reciprocity. Simple acts of kindness trigger the principle. When someone feels what you’ve done for them is genuinely in their best interest – as opposed to an act of giving simply to curry a favor – they’ll want to freely reciprocate most of the time.

If you want to become a master persuader then start looking for ways to become a giver. It becomes much easier as you begin to change your thinking from “who can help me?” to “whom can I genuinely help?”

Opportunities to give and help are always abundant so take stock in who you are, your resources, talents, etc., and begin looking for ways to use those to benefit others. Don’t be afraid of losing anything in the process because as the late Zig Ziglar famously told audiences for decades, “You can get everything you want in life if you’ll just help enough other people get what they want.” Zig was 100% correct because the more people you help, the more people will want to help you when you need it.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Many Milestones and Reasons to Celebrate

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This past year has held a lot of milestones
for me and for my family and so does the coming month. In March 2013, Jane and
I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We followed that up in
December with our daughter Abigail’s 18th birthday. I turned 50 a
few weeks ago and Jane will reach that magical number in about four weeks. The
month of May will conclude with Abigail graduating from high school. A very event-filled
14 months!
One more milestone in the midst of all of that
is the 5th anniversary of Influence PEOPLE. On April 17, 2009, I
wrote my first blog post Why Influence is All about PEOPLE. Over the past five
years, more than 100,000 people from nearly 200 countries have taken time to
read Influence PEOPLE. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that
kind of response!
It’s been incredible to meet people all across
the globe and in particular those who’ve participated in my Influencers from
Around the World Series. Special thanks to Sean Patrick, Anthony McLean, Hoh Kim, Marco Germani, Yago De Marta and Cathrine Moestue for being so generous
in sharing their thoughts and articles with all of us over the past five years.
 It’s been fun to get to know each of them
and to learn about their cultures. I feel like anywhere I go in the world I’ll
have friends to meet with. 
I also need to thank several other people.
First and foremost is Debbie Conkel, a coworker who
generously proof reads all my blog posts. Another is Mike Figliuolo, who has been a mentor in
many ways because he’s much farther down the road with his company and blog thoughtLEADERS. My boss at State Auto, John Petrucci, has also been
unbelievably supportive in every way. He gets that happy, engaged employees are
more productive and valuable, and encourages that in all his associates.
I also want to thank some people who’ve been
so encouraging. First is Nancy Edwards, a former colleague.
Someone else who comes to mind is George Black. Were it not for his
encouragement I might never have started this blog.
Huge thanks also go to Jane and Abigail. They’ve
been my biggest supporters and have been very gracious as I’ve occasionally
shared stories about each of them. Jane was especially patient with me when I wrote
a post I called Reverse Psychology and the
Vacation Bathing Suit.
And I’ve save the best for last – you! Without
you reading this every week I would not be as encouraged and inspired to write
as I am. Some of my best days are seeing comments or getting emails from
readers who tell me how my writing has helped them professionally or
personally. That’s the goal with what I do – to help you learn to hear “Yes”
because it’s so important for your professional success and personal happiness.
So from me to you, a sincere Thank You! I hope
five years from now you’re still reading and I have the chance to say thanks
again.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.



Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world. 

7 Personal Observations about Success

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This week (April 1), I crossed the half-century mark of life. It doesn’t seem possible because some memories from long ago – growing up, high school, college, dating Jane – are so vivid. And that includes being at my dad’s 50th birthday party! As I pause and reflect, I’m thankful and hopeful. I’m thankful for the life I’ve led and that I’ve made it this far. Many wonderful people don’t get this many years on earth. I’m hopeful for many more years and to be able to enjoy them in good health.

As this day has been approaching, I’ve looked back on my life and would like to share a few things I believe may help you be more successful in your life. I realize success can be defined many different ways so I’ll tell you mine. It’s based on the mission statement I wrote more than 25 years ago.

When my days on earth are finished and I stand in front of the Lord I hope He will say, “Well done.” Success for me will be defined by placing Him first, loving my family, making my work place better in a productive and personal sense and staying true to who I am. The following are things I believe have helped me live a life in which I can look back and say I’m happy, content and would not trade my life with anyone, for anything.

  1. Love God. I’ve had experiences in life that let me know in my deepest soul that there is a God. My love for Him and living as He would desire is far from perfect. But, I’ve come to realize He doesn’t love me any more when I succeed or any less because I make mistakes. That made more sense to me after Abigail came along. I would not love her more because she did certain things nor would I love her less if she did things I disagreed with. I love her, period. So it is with God and that frees me to be who I am, accept myself – the good, the bad and all that’s in between – and enjoy who I am.
  1. Place others ahead of yourself. When it comes to family, the more you can put them ahead of yourself the happier you will be. I don’t believe we do this in some sort of self-denial, “woe is me” way. You do this because when you truly love someone, you want the best for them. It brings me joy to be able to give to Jane and Abigail. When you see the giving as your reward, you realize your capacity to love is unlimited! We’re to love all people and that’s tougher because it doesn’t come as naturally but I do find more joy when I truly care for and give to others.
  1. Choose your thoughts. When it comes to family and others, what we choose to focus on makes a tremendous difference. There is good and bad in everyone and everything. The good new is, humans can choose where to place their thoughts. Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning, written about his experiences in surviving the Holocaust, drove this home for me. Recognizing this means I can choose not to focus on the bad and fix my thoughts on the good instead. The more I do this, the easier it is to like other people. When they sense I genuinely like them they begin to respond in kind and everyone is better off.
  1. Love what you do. I know it sounds clichéd, but it’s true. When you love what you do your reward comes daily. When I think back to my bodybuilding, marathon running and taekwondo days, one thing in common with each was that I loved training. The goals of a bodybuilding contest, running a marathon or a black belt test were just reasons to train harder. But I realize it was easy because I wasn’t training for the prize, I was training because I loved what I was doing and those goals helped me get even more out of something that already brought me so much satisfaction.
  1. A little bit over a long period. Steven Covey talked about the law of the land; that you can’t plant a crop and expect it to grow in a day. That natural process cannot be circumvented. So it is with most things in life in which we want to succeed. I learned early on with weightlifting that diligent effort over a long time paid dividends. I saw that with my studies in college and I see it today with my approach to Influence PEOPLE. Success rarely happens overnight. Muhammad Ali said as much; “The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.” If you love what you do it makes the process more bearable.
  1. Work hard. Nothing comes easy and loving what you do and doing it for a long time won’t cut it if you don’t give it your all. There’s simply no substitute for hard work. Going to the gym, dojo, hitting the road, or studying, all require real effort. I never aspired to be “the best” because I knew what my time and physical limitations were. Within the parameters I set, I aspired to be “the best I could be” and most of the time I felt accomplished that.
  1. Cut yourself some slack. There will come a day when our time is up. Don’t use up precious time and energy living in regret or beating yourself up for not being more than you are. You’re not perfect and never will be. If you happen to attain the highest heights and are considered “the best” at what you do it’s likely to be short lived. Just look at sports champions. The more you can accept yourself – short comings and all – the more you’ll be able to accept others and that leads to healthy relationships.

These are just a few thoughts on what I believe has helped me get where I am today. I’m happy and content. I realize many people cannot say either, let alone both. I hope what I’ve shared gives you pause for thought and perhaps helps you move closer to happiness and contentment.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.




Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

 

5 Cues to Consider When Trying to Influence Someone’s Habits

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I recently watched a very interesting interview with Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit. I read the book
several years ago and was fascinated by the subject matter and scientific
research Duhigg shared throughout the book. Watching his interview renewed my
interest in the subject and started me thinking about how habits and influence
intersect.
I’ve personally seen how forming good habits
can be extremely beneficial. As a teenager I got in the habit of working out
because I wanted to get in shape for football. The habit of weightlifting
stayed with me because I enjoyed it and I eventually I added running to my
fitness mix. For decades my days have consisted of getting up very early to
read, then workout or run. For me that morning habit is as regular as eating
breakfast or showering before work. Duhigg would call this a “keystone” habit
because it positively affects other things I do. For example; in addition to
being a little smarter and more fit, by the time I get to work I feel ready to
tackle just about anything because of my morning routine.
The great thing about habits is they remove the
burden of thinking. That frees us up to devote energy to other items competing
for our attention. If you pause for a moment to consider your habits you’ll
probably realize almost all of them occur with little or no thought. When
habits are good that’s wonderful. However, when habits are poor it can be tough
to change them.
As a persuader it’s important that you
understand this because quite often you’re not looking to persuade someone into
a one-time behavioral change. After all, you don’t want to have to persuade
your child every day to do their homework do you? If you’re the boss at work
you don’t want to have the same conversation over and over to influence an
employee to show up on time, do you? Wouldn’t it be great if those behavioral changes
took hold and were lasting? It’s my goal to help you learn how to Influence
PEOPLE into lasting change.
Let’s look at the example of trying to
persuade an employee to show up to work on time. You could use every principle of
influence in this effort.

Liking – Appeal to the
relationship you have with them and ask them to do a personal favor for you and
start showing up on time.
Reciprocity – Leverage something
you’ve done for the person in the past by referencing it and asking for their help
in return.
Consensus – Let them know
everyone else makes it to work on time so there’s no reason they shouldn’t also.
Authority – While not always
advisable, you can reference you’re the boss and this is the expectation.
However, beware that playing on your positional authority can cause resentment
and that usually doesn’t lead to lasting change.
Consistency – After having some
conversation about why they’re late so often ask them if they’ll commit to
start showing up on time rather than telling them that’s what they need to do.
Scarcity – There is probably a
downside to continually showing up late – no bonus opportunity, no raise,
possibly losing their job – so appealing to this potential loss is certainly an
option.

In The
Power of Habit, Duhigg shares scientific research that every habit has
three parts: a cue, the routine and a reward. The cue is the trigger that
starts the routine and it’s almost always one of five things:
  1. A certain location (some people only smoke in bars)
  2. Time of day (morning prompts many to exercise)
  3. An emotional state (loneliness causes some to drink)
  4. Other people (someone who pushes your buttons)
  5. An action that immediately precedes the routine (this could be a
    song triggering memories).

The reward can be many things – pleasure, pain
avoidance, feeling better about one’s self, feeling a sense of control, etc.
Remember, we all get something out of our habits, even those that appear
self-destructive.

In some cases your attempts to change
someone’s behavior can be very difficult because old habits die hard. In fact, Duhigg
suggests, based on research, that you never really get rid of old habits, you
only replace or change them. This is why so many smokers gain weight when they
try to quit because they replace their smoking routine with eating when their
cues trigger them.
In the case of the late employee, you know
it’s possible for them to get to work on time because the vast majority of
people do it every day, even those who might have more hectic and stressful
home lives than your chronically late employee. So what are you to do?
You can help them identify the triggers that
tend to make them late. For some people time is like money – they’ll use up every
last penny or every last minute no matter how much extra time or money they may
have. So getting up a little earlier may not be the solution.
Help the person establish a new cue that will
allow them to get to work with at least 10 minutes to spare. That could be
another alarm clock going off, the coffee maker brewing a cup of coffee for
their drive in or something else that alerts the person it’s time to stop everything and head to the car.
If it’s a spouse or kids that are part of the
problem then the person needs to let them suffer their own consequences for
getting up late, not coming to breakfast on time or whatever else it might be.
That won’t be easy but if they don’t do that they’ll forever be a slave to
other people’s behavior and they, not the others, will pay the cost.
The principles of influence can certainly come
into play when you have this conversation with the employee. The conversation
turns from “You need to get to work on time” to “How can I help you figure out
what you need to do in order to get to work on time?” The more principles you
use in that conversation the more success you’re likely to have.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.




Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

 

Does a Rising Tide Lift All Boats?

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People are fond of analogies that help them visualize concepts that can be difficult to grasp. Steve Jobs used an analogy when he said, “Computers are like a bicycle for our minds.” Another common analogy is describing the human brain as a computer.

One analogy that’s kicked around quite a bit in politics is, “A rising tide lifts all boats.” That’s easy to picture. After all, when the tide rolls in all boats sit higher relative to the docks they’re tied to or some other stationary object.

Politicians like to use the phrase when it comes to the economy. If more tax cuts are given to the wealthiest people, they’ll spend their extra money creating jobs or buying more stuff. Either way, more goods are sold which means more people are employed to produce and sell those goods. Everyone is better off because all boats have been lifted.

But there’s a problem. The analogies we use are only comparisons to help us understand something but they’re not the actual thing. In one sense they’re like a map. A map can be a helpful tool but it’s not the actual terrain. It can never fully represent the real thing and the more diverse the terrain is, the less a map can fully represent it.

People who use the rising tide analogy want us to believe everyone is better off when the wealthiest among us do better. There is some truth to that. However, it ignores a basic tenant of behavioral economics regarding how we make comparisons and decisions.

You see, most people don’t simply look at their situation relative to how they were at some point in the past. Rather, we have a habit of comparing ourselves to others in the moment.

We see this publicly played out in sports quite often. Let’s say an athlete has a great year and gets a huge raise because he or she is considered among the best in their sport. They’re happy! But the moment the athlete learns someone else just got more money, discontentment sets in. No longer do they care that they’re making significantly more than they used to. Instead, the athlete feels slighted compared to the other, higher paid athlete.

The same can be said of the average American. While many may be a little better off than they were five or ten years ago based solely on their income, they don’t necessarily see it that way. That’s probably because they’re not comparing their take home pay to prior paychecks. In fact, if inflation, medical bills, or other things that occur in life may have eaten away at their take home pay. That’s a big reason people often feel they’re working harder than ever but have little or nothing to show for it.

Another comparison point comes when people hear about senior executive compensation at large corporations. For example, did you know back in 2005 the average CEO made 525 times more than the typical American worker made? That pay differential took a significant dip due to the 2008 recession but it’s trending back up and was 369 times more in 2012 (344 in 2022).

Can you see why someone might be disgruntled? Most people have an innate sense of fairness, and of right and wrong, and when that gets violated, many people would rather get nothing just to see the other person get nothing too. It doesn’t make economic sense because economically a little bit of something is better than a lot of nothing.

Several years ago, I conducted survey with my blog readers. One question read: You’re playing a game, and your partner was given $100 to share with you any way they see fit. The two of you get to keep the $100, but only if you think you’ve been treated fairly. What’s the least amount you would want in order to not reject the deal?

Just over two thirds of the respondents said sharing $50 of the $100 would be fair. The average for all responses was $41.88. Even though they’d have been better off only getting a dollar, the vast majority would reject the deal if the split wasn’t about equal.

It doesn’t make sense economically because if you were given $30, $20, even $1 that’s better than nothing, and it’s more than you started with. But that’s not how most people typically think and behave. When people don’t feel they’re being treated fairly they take action…even if those same actions might hurt themselves in the end.

The tide may be rising but all the people in the little boats stare at the luxury liners and from their vantage point is seems as if those ships are getting a bigger lift…and they don’t like it.

My fear is this; if our government in conjunction with big business doesn’t come up with ways to make the average workers feel like they’re being compensated in a more equitable way, the consequences could be worse for all of us in the long run. Whether or not you agree with the “We are the 99%” and “March on Wall Street” movements, they reflect what I’m sharing about here. People are unhappy and they’re starting to take action.

A take-away for those of you who aspire to be more effective persuaders would be this – whenever you use analogies to make a point, make sure the analogies are appropriate for your audience or your best laid plans could backfire on you.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer

 

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

PAVE the Way to Success in 2014

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If you’re like many people then you’ll be making
New Year’s resolutions and if you’re like most you’ll be
breaking those same resolutions within a day or two. According to one study,
more than half the people who make resolutions are confident of achieving them,
yet barely more than one in ten do so. That’s amazingly bad because most resolutions
are good ones! Here are a few of the most popular New Year’s resolutions:

  • Spend
    more time with family
  • Lose
    weight
  • Begin
    exercising
  • Quit
    smoking
  • Quit
    drinking
  • Get
    organized
  • Get
    out of debt

The list is admirable so why are these goals so
difficult to achieve for 90% of us? There are probably as many reasons
as there are resolutions and dwelling on them wouldn’t be as beneficial as
giving you scientifically proven tips that can help make 2014 a year of positive change for you. Around this time every year I
share an influence technique that can help readers PAVE
the way to success in the New Year.

In the study of persuasion there’s a powerful
motivator of behavior known as the principle of consistency.” This proven
rule tells us people feel internal and external psychological pressure to act
in ways that are consistent with their prior actions, words, deeds, beliefs and
values. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and other
people perceive us in a more favorable light, which adds to our authority in their eyes.
There are four simple things to strengthen the
power of consistency in your life. These simple ideas will help you PAVE the way to success because they’ll
dramatically increase the odds that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s
resolutions.
Public – Whenever you
make a public statement, whether verbally or in writing, you’re putting
yourself and your reputation on the line. The mere fact that another person
knows your intention and might ask you how you’re doing is often
enough motivation for people to follow through.
Recommendation
#1 – Share with another person or group of people, your New Year’s
resolution and ask them to hold you accountable.
Active – You have to
actively do something. Merely thinking about a resolution, just keeping it to
yourself as some sort of secret, will lead to the same results as people who
don’t make resolutions. In other words, nothing will change. This came to light
in a study with a group of students who wanted to improve their college grades.
One group was asked to write their goals down, one group kept their goals in
their heads, and the last group had no specific goal whatsoever. As you can
imagine, the group with the written goals succeeded, with nearly 90% of
students increasing by a full letter grade! With the other two groups the
results were identical and poor. In each group fewer than 1 in 6 students
improved a full letter grade. It’s worth noting, they were all given the same
study materials so they all had the same opportunity to better their GPA.
Recommendation
#2 – Make sure you have to take some active steps. It could be as simple
as buying a book to help you learn more about the changes you’re hoping to
make.
Voluntary – This has to
be YOUR goal, not someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something
– quit smoking, lose weight, get in shape – it’s not likely your motivation
will last if someone told you to do it. The goal has to come from you because
if it’s forced on you it’s not likely your willpower will last long. Samuel Butler
said it best when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same
opinion still.”
Recommendation
#3 – Make sure it’s something you really want to do.
Effort – It was already
noted that you have to actively do something. In other words, making the
commitment should require some effort on your part. The more effort
you expend setting up your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. Something
as simple as writing down your resolution can make a difference, even if you
don’t share it with anyone. But, taking the time to share it also fulfills the
public requirement, which gives you more bang for the buck! Robert Cialdini
puts it this way, “People live up to what they write down.”
Recommendation
#4 – A little more effort, like committing pen to paper, will increase your chance for success
significantly.
So to recap the recommendations:
  1. Share your resolutions with others.
  2. Make sure to take some active steps.
  3. Make it your goal.
  4. Commit pen to paper.

None of what I just shared is
new but I’m guessing many of you haven’t tried the PAVE
approach before. If you’ve failed at your resolutions in the past then give
this approach a try. If you fail again you’re no worse off but this different
approach might just be your key to success in 2014. Good luck and Happy New
Year to all of you!

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer

 

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Persuasion isn’t One of the Seven Dirty Words

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The late comedian George Carlin had a hilarious routine about the seven dirty words you couldn’t say on television. I won’t repeat the seven words, but I will say this; persuasion wasn’t one of those words! Having shared that, I realize some people link persuasion to sales and therefore have a negative reaction to it. I get it. After all, most people try to avoid salespeople like the plague because they feel they’ll be sold something they don’t want or need. However, let me say emphatically that ethical persuasion is not manipulative selling.

This is top of mind because not too long ago I had an interesting exchange with someone regarding persuasion after watching their video presentation online. The title of their presentation was How To Convince Your Clients, When Appropriate, To Have a Social Media Presence. After watching it I posted a comment on the website:

“I was disappointed because I never felt like you shared ways to persuade someone that using social media could be beneficial. Most of the commentary was about making sure the people you speak to already see some value but quite often we know businesses could benefit (even if they don’t see that currently) so I was hoping to hear insights into how to manage that discussion.”

His reply started off this way:

“I never try to persuade people to do anything. It is like trying to sell glasses to a blind man. You should never have to convince. You move on to people who get it, and in doing that the people who are not yet will become convinced as they see people they know, like and trust start to use social media.”

Really? You “never try to persuade people to do anything”? I wish I had his wife, kids, clients, boss, etc., because life would be easy. That’s one of the most foolish statements I’ve seen on the web in quite some time. We are persuading people every day. Whenever you ask someone to do something they’re not currently doing – kids and homework, spouse and chores, boss, and a raise, turning prospects into customers – you’re attempting to persuade. And like it or not, what you say and how you say it can make all the difference between yes or no.

I agree that some people are more ready to buy or change and some people are never ready. His example of selling glasses to a blind man would be old school, manipulative selling because in a situation like that the salesperson only cares about making the sale regardless of the need for the product. That’s unethical and not what I’m talking about when I write about or teach ethical persuasion.

Many people are in a ready state to buy or change but have multiple people attempting to convince them their product, service, or idea is the right one for them. In those cases, it’s usually the person who does the best job persuading that gets the yes answer.

Some people may not seem like they’re in a ready state but change their minds when someone persuades them otherwise. Here are two examples:

Steve Jobs. He created products no survey group said people wanted or needed. However, once he created a new product then said something like, “A thousand songs in your pocket,” everyone saw the possibilities and wanted it.

Life insurance. Most people who fail to buy life insurance don’t make that poor choice because they don’t need it. People don’t buy coverage because emotionally no one wants to think about death. Too often they convince themselves “it will never happen to me” or “I have plenty of time for that” so they focus on more pressing issues. I doubt a widower ever cursed a life insurance salesman for persuading the deceased spouse to purchase a life policy.

Aristotle said persuasion was “the art of getting someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask.” If everyone were doing what we wanted we’d never have to persuade. Instead, we could sit back and enjoy life as it unfolds but you and I know that’s not the case. Not a day goes by where everyone does what you want because they just “get it.” Knowing that you might want to sharpen up your persuasion skills a bit otherwise you’ll have a hard time getting people to do what you want.

So let me end with this – persuasion isn’t a dirty word. Persuasion is a skill where you understand how people think and act then adjust your communication accordingly. Like so many other skills it can be used for good or bad but that says more about the person attempting to persuade than it does the act of persuasion itself.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Aligning the Principles of Influence with Aristotle’s Ethos, Pathos and Logos

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Aristotle is credited with the following definition of persuasion: “The art of getting someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask.”
Pause and think about it for a moment. Isn’t that a great definition? If someone is already doing what you want there’s no need to communicate in order to change anything. Unfortunately, all too often others aren’t doing what you’d like and you need to communicate with them in a way that changes that.
If I could change one word in Aristotle’s definition it would be to substitute “science” for “art.” In my mind art conveys natural talents or gifts that some people might feel they lack. Science on the other hand is something that can be learned by anyone.
When it comes to the science of influence it may surprise you to know we have more than six decades of research from social psychologists and behavioral economists on the psychology of persuasion. That means we now have scientifically proven ways to communicate more effectively. In the business world we might say there are “best practices” when it comes to effectively communicating.
Aristotle taught people three criteria for effective persuasion: ethos, pathos and logos. We’ll take a look at each and see how Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence come into play.
Ethos refers to someone’s character and credibility. Two principles of influence come into play to establish ethos: liking and authority.
We know it’s easier to say “Yes” to people we know and like. That’s the principle of liking. If someone likes you the “halo effect” comes into play and they naturally give you the benefit of the doubt on many other attributes, which makes it easier to effectively communicate.
Influence Tip – A great way to get the liking principle going is to offer up genuine compliments. When you do that people feel good and associate those positive feelings with you.
We also know it’s natural for us to pay closer attention to people we view as credible – those who are wiser than we are, experts in their fields. This is the principle of authority at work.
Influence Tip – The more someone knows about your credentials and experience the easier it is to tap into ethos, so make sure they know your credentials before you speak.
Pathos is the connection the persuader makes with another when communicating. Liking and reciprocity both help build relationships so they’re what you want to try to tap into when establishing pathos.
The more someone likes you the easier it is to connect. Once you find out you have a few things in common with your audience they feel a sense of camaraderie and they’re open to what you have to say.
Influence Tip – Make sure you look for things you have in common and mention them early on. If you’re being introduced make sure a few personal items are shared before you speak. Something as simple as being married or having kids can get the ball rolling. You want your audience to know you’re just like them to make a connection.
Reciprocity tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who’ve first given to them. By doing something for others, helping them in some way, they will feel obligated to at least listen to you. Reciprocity, builds relationships because when you help others they feel good about you.
Influence Tip – Look for ways to genuinely help people before you ever ask anything of them. Once you’ve done that and need their help they’ll be much more likely to say “yes.”
Logos is the logical use of words. It’s the factual argument to be made. Consensus, consistency and scarcity come into play here.
Consensus tells us people tend to move with the crowd. When we know large numbers of people, or people just like us, are doing something we are more likely to go along with it. This is logical because historically there’s safety in numbers. As the old saying goes, “Everyone can’t be wrong.” Well, at least the majority of the time everyone isn’t wrong so it’s usually a good bet to follow the crowd.
Influence Tip – Make sure you talk about what others are doing to “invite” your audience along because it’s only logical for them to move with the crowd.
People work very hard to make sure their words and deeds match. In fact, we all feel internal psychological pressure and external social pressure to be consistent in what we say and do. This is the principle of consistency.
Influence Tip – Find out whatever you can about your audience before you speak and make sure you relate your request back to what they’ve said, done, believe, etc. After all, it only makes sense for people to stay true to themselves.
Scarcity alerts us to the reality that when something is rare or dwindling in availability it makes us want it more. Again, quite often it’s the logical thing to seize opportunities before they go away. Doing so also helps us avoid regret over lost opportunities.
Influence Tip – It should be your goal to share what makes you, your organization, or your offering unique in some way. In other words, what does somebody stand to lose by not going along with your request?
So there you have a quick summary of Aristotle’s methodology tied to Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence. Tying the concepts from these brilliant thinkers is a great one-two combination for more effective persuasion.

** To vote for Robert Cialdini, President of Influence At Work, for the Top Management Thinker of 2013 click here.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
InfluencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.