Tag Archive for: science of influence

Influencers from Around the World – Influence Yourself

/2 Comments/by

This month’s Influencers from Around the World post comes from Yago de Marta. Yago has been a guest blogger at Influence PEOPLE for several years now. He’s from Spain but now spends the majority of his time in Latin America working with clients to help them speak more fluently and persuasively. To find out more about Yago visit YagoDeMarta.com or connect with him on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter. 

Brian, CMCT® 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influence Yourself

A lot of people ask themselves what they can or can’t do with influence techniques. I tell them that there are no set limits and that they can explore them in each sale or speech.
There will always be someone who will tell you what you can’t do. He will have his arguments but it doesn’t mean he has the reason. This article addresses this.
A year ago I was invited to give a speech in a very big auditorium in a city with about 1.5 million people in Latin America.  I have been in that country thousands of times but “each audience is different” and this city was “special.” When I entered in the auditorium I realized that it was too big and thought it would be difficult to fill the seats because the event hadn’t been publicized very much.
As people arrived they started taking places in the high part of the auditorium first. I was talking with the organizers (the mayor of the city and his team) and they were telling me that the people in their city were complicated and recommended I not make efforts to have them come closer. Apparently people in this city were not easy, a “tough crowd” you might say.
When almost everybody was in the hall, I was told to start my presentation and I realized that most of the people occupied the seats farthest from me. The mayor was about to introduce me to the audience and I asked him to ask people to get closer to the stage, so they’d be closer to me.
Then one of the strangest moments of my career happened. The mayor and his staff told me it was impossible to do this. He told me that he has been the mayor of this city for 20 years and that the people was too lazy to “move their asses” closer to hear me!
As you know, as you have heard and probably read a hundred times, you have to know your audience, your client. In this case, it was clear that the one that knew the audience was the mayor, not me. But, could it be limiting for my presentation?
I said to him, “Okay, no problem.  If there is no way to move them, I’ll solve it.”
The mayor introduced me, and gave me the microphone. I addressed the audience, “Good evening, it’s a great pleasure to be with all of you here today and I have something to confess to you; some minutes ago I asked your mayor if he could ask you to come closer to the stage to the front rows and fill the closest part of the auditorium. He answered me that it was impossible, that the people of this city are not likely to do that. Please, can you show him that he is mistaken?”
Suddenly, people all over the auditorium stood up and changed their seats to be closer to the stage.
That’s normal. When books talk about knowing the audience, they talk about knowing their ages, jobs, gender, but there is something easier and more powerful: you can know their motivations. You know their essence.
Maybe the mayor knew each person of his city, maybe he knew their names. But I knew why they were there.
It’s more important to believe in yourself than to believe in your audience. It’s more important to influence yourself than influence people.
You are learning and using many influence techniques and that’s what helps you accomplish whatever you want. But there is only one thing that you always have to remember – to know what people “really” want.
Yago de Marta
Speech & Media Training
www.yagodemarta.com
Méx. +52 1 (55) 59810879
Esp. +34 655 361 555
BBpin: 2A24B191
Skype: yagodemarta

Obamacare, Abortion, Gay Marriage and Christmas aren’t going away

/1 Comment/by
This post is going to upset some people and

that’s okay because we’re all entitled to our opinion. What I’m going to share
is my opinion but it’s rooted in the psychology of persuasion.

Obamacare, abortion, gay marriage and
Christmas aren’t going away anytime soon. It seems as though each of these
cause intense debate because there are passionate people on both sides of each issue
– those for and those against.
Why do I believe neither Obamacare, abortion nor
gay marriage will go away? In a word; scarcity. This principle of influence
tells us people value things more when they are rare or going away. It’s the
reason we react so strongly when we think we’re going to lose something.
Think back to childhood when you got that long
awaited privilege; to eat dinner in front of the television! You begged and
begged, for what seemed to be a lifetime, to get this golden opportunity. Then
one day your mom or dad caved but assured you it was a one-time thing. And
what happened the next day? You asked again but this time heard, “No.” You
protested, “But you let me yesterday!” Arguments became commonplace and I’m
willing to bet as time went by you ate in front of the TV more and more.
Parents are usually hesitant to extend privileges
like dinner in front of the TV, staying up later on school nights or getting
candy at the store because they know its inevitable there will be arguments
down the road. Once we have something we don’t want to give it up and I believe
the same principle will dictate people not wanting to give up these “rights.”
Women have enjoyed freedom of choice for
several decades; tens of millions will
enjoy access to health care with the passage of Obamacare; and more and more
people are heading to states where they can legally marry their same sex
partner. If the government tries to take away any of these rights/freedoms I
think there would be violent protest because it all goes back to scarcity, the fear of
loss. As hard as people worked and as vocal as they may have been to gain these
rights they’ll work even harder and be more vocal in their attempts to stop any
legislation that might repeal them.
How does this apply to Christmas? Every year
in December we hear people talking about “the war on Christmas.” Let me state
emphatically, there’s no “war.” Go ask a veteran who’s seen combat if the
debate over Christmas is anything like war and they’ll set you straight. There
are however, many people who want to limit or do away with Christmas for a
variety of reasons.
I believe Christmas will be around for a long
time too because so many people want to keep it. It’s the same psychology that
applies to Obamacare, abortion and gay marriage, and it will propel people to
fight hard to keep their Christmas traditions.
Another reason I think Christmas as we know it
will survive is because the other side isn’t fighting to gain something,
they’re only seeking to prevent people from tying in Christ to Christmas and
thus making it a religious observance.
As I noted earlier, people will work much
harder to keep what they have than they will to gain the very same thing.
Studies show the average person will work about twice as hard to keep the same thing,
as they will to gain the very same thing.
How does this apply to you? Understand
whenever you seek to take something from another person or limit them in any
way it’s very likely you’ll be met with resistance because that’s human nature.
So before you extend something – eating in front of the television, a new
compensation plan, an offer to help – make sure you’re willing to deal with
some rough consequences if you decide to change your mind because whomever
you’re dealing with will feel the pull of scarcity and react accordingly.

 

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Good Advice or Not – Expect the Worst and You’ll Never be Disappointed?

/5 Comments/by

 

Last year I traveled a lot and this year I have even more scheduled. Fortunately I enjoy it so it’s not a burden. I knew I must have been on the road a good bit last year, though, because each time I saw co-workers or friends they’d make comments like “world traveler” or “where have you been lately?” During my travels something happened that caught my ear and I thought it would make for a good blog post.
When I travel I park at the Thrifty lot at Port Columbus. It’s really nice because I pull up, someone gets in my car then I drive right up to the terminal and they go park the car for me. When I return my car is waiting for me with the engine on, A/C or heat blasting, and the bill is prepaid. Pretty nice!
As I was driving to the terminal for one of my trips I was making small talk with the Thrifty valet and the subject turned to the weather. He made a comment about bad weather and I corrected him saying I’d heard it was supposed to be nice. He replied, “I’ll expect the worst then I won’t be disappointed if it happens and I’ll be happy if it doesn’t.”
I often talk about the contrast phenomenon which tells us how we experience something is dramatically impacted by what we experience beforehand. For example, if I know you need some money and I offer you $100 then tell you I was kidding and give you $10 you’re probably a little bummed. However, if I say I only have a dollar on me but then come up with $10, which I give you, you’re probably pretty happy. The same $10 gets two completely different responses because of what happened moments before in the expectation I created.
Essentially the valet was employing a self-defense mechanism. He didn’t want to be disappointed if the good weather failed to materialize. In his mind, by expecting the worst he wouldn’t feel so down if bad weather did come about but he also thought he’d enjoy the nice weather even more if it proved to come true.
I’m sure in his mind he felt he’d win either way. If that’s the case then why not view all situations that way? On the surface that makes some sense but what I’ve noticed with people who view events in life like that, they also tend to look for the negative in most things and that negative outlook influences many other things. Here are a few examples:

You want to win the big game badly but to keep disappointment at bay you tell yourself you probably won’t win. How likely are you to succeed? Not very likely because that sounds like a self-fulfilling prophecy for failure.

Do you think people like to be around someone who always throws a wet towel on the possibilities? No, so you might end up with very few close friends.

You see someone you’d like to meet but think, “They’d never go for someone like me.” How much nerve will you work up to go talk to that person with that thought process? Probably none.

It may be the case with things that are outside your control that it’s wise to occasionally consider the downside and be realistic about it. However, in general you’ll probably be a much happier and likable person if you choose to look on the bright side. And I’d say you’ll enjoy more opportunities with a positive attitude because there will be many things you never attempt and many more failures with a negative attitude. Teddy Roosevelt said it best when he shared with the world:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
I’ll close with this persuasion advice – stay positive my friends.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – How NOT to Sell a Dishwasher

/1 Comment/by

 

This week you’ll read a funny story about how
not to sell. It comes to us all the way from Italy and is based on the real
life experience of Marco Germani. Marco has written guest posts for me for
about three years now. I think you’ll see humor in his situation and the value
a good salesperson can bring to customers. Along the way you’ll also get
several tips on how to be a better salesperson.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
How NOT to Sell a Dishwasher
A few weeks ago I went to a large household
appliance shop in Rome with the intention of buying a new dishwasher. I have
almost zero knowledge about this kind of machine but didn’t have time to perform
an accurate search on the Internet. Because I didn’t understand which would be
the best buy for me (among the dozens of models exhibited), I decided to rely
on the advice of the store clerk.
I approached the clerk with this question, “In
your opinion, which is the machine with the best quality/price ratio?” From this
point forward the guy presented himself in one of the worst sales performances
I have ever seen in my life. It was so bad I decided to write an article for
this blog about it. Let’s sum up the main mistakes he made:
1. MISTAKE: He asked no questions.
In reply to this question the clerk started to
list all the brands and models the store had in stock. He should have asked me
a few questions instead in order to better understand my specific needs in
terms of a dishwasher.
“Why are you buying a new machine today?”
“Did the old one failed and if so, why?”
“How often do you wash your dishes and how
many people in the household?”
There were some basic questions I expected him
to ask but he didn’t. It’s like going to the doctor and the doctor just starts
listing all the drugs available without first investigating your symptoms, Not
good!
2. MISTAKE: He was completely unprepared on
the products.
The machines available in the store ranged in
price from 300 to 1,500 Euro. While it was quite easy, even for the untrained
eye, to spot a difference between the most expensive machine and the cheapest
one, it was surely more tricky to understand the difference between a machine
of the same size, priced at 500 Euro vs. one priced at 650 Euro. At one point I
asked him about the difference between two machines, which happened to be the
same brand, that had an 85 Euro price difference. This should not be a
difficult question for somebody who makes a living out of selling these types
of appliances! His answer was, “I guess the more expensive one has more washing
programs.” I thought to myself, “You’re paid to guess rather than to provide
information.” Trying to go a bit deeper into the question I soon realized his
knowledge of the products was close to mine, which made him almost completely
useless.
3. MISTAKE: He presented the prices in the
wrong order.
Not knowing how to move forward, I tried a
different question, “Which one would you buy for your family?” He told me he
would have probably bought a Bosch machine priced 659 Euro or an Ariston
machine priced 779 Euro, or why not the Candy machine priced at 809 Euro. Had
he knew the basics about how to present a price, he would have started the list
with the most expensive one and he could have answered in the following way, “
I would surely buy the Candy, at 810 Euro. It definitely has the best
quality/price ratio and in 20 years it will work as smoothly as it does today.
I do understand, however, it is a bit on the expensive side so an alternative
might be the Ariston at 779 Euro because it’s a very good machine indeed. It’s close
in performances and consumption to the first one.” With this kind of
presentation, the 779 Euro of the Ariston would have appeared to be a good deal
had I not opted for the more expensive machine.
4. MISTAKE: He did not close the sale.
At this stage, I was seriously thinking about
leaving the store and going somewhere else so I told him I just wanted to think
about it. The guy said okay and left me there so he could “assist” another
customer. As he left he told me to call him if I needed him. Very bad! That’s absolutely
the best way to lose the sale. He should have asked something like, “Exactly, what
do you want to think about? Is it the price or something else?” He could have
asked, “Is there any way I can help you think about it? Do you need some
additional information?” In other words, you never want to leave your customer,
who already gave you buying signals, on his own before you even tried to close
the sale.
I really needed the machine (the old one
failed and washing dishes by the hand is not in the list of my favorite leisure
activities and my wife claims to be allergic to dish soap) so I ended up buying
a mid-priced machine and left feeling unsure as to whether or not I’d done the
right thing. With a more skilled clerk I probably would have spent more and
felt better about it. I wonder how much money that shop is losing every day
because of an incompetent salesman? Poor salesmen like the guy I encountered is
good news for those who study sales and the principles of persuasion. Studying
those two disciplines will help salespeople bring more value than a regular
store clerk who’s never spent time studying either subject and the end result
will be significantly better sales.
Marco Germani
mgermani@email.it

What’s Aristotle’s Best Persuasion Advice?

/2 Comments/by

Last week I quoted Aristotle in the post about Lance Armstrong. The great Greek philosopher, is credited with telling the world, “Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.” I had a chance to see that up close and
personal not too long ago.

Many of you reading this may be familiar with the tragic story of Josh Brent and his late friend Jerry Brown. Jerry died in a car accident in December when Josh was behind the wheel. According to police reports, Josh’s blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit to be considered drunk. In an amazing act of kindness Stacey Brown, Jerry’s mother, forgave Josh and asked his Dallas Cowboys teammates to do the same.
On December 16 the Dallas Cowboys played the Pittsburgh Steelers in a nationally televised game and Josh Brent was shown on the sideline with his teammates. The Cowboys organization thought that was a way to
support Josh as he struggles with the reality of his actions. The American public didn’t see it that way and Facebook and Twitter lit up with comments asking how the Cowboys could do such a thing. I was among those who posted a comment because it was inconceivable to me that someone getting ready to go to court for the manslaughter of his best friend, while intoxicated, would be allowed on the sidelines, especially given the fact that the National Football League has had such a big problem with players and substance abuse.
Several people commented on my post and I made a joke that Josh’s next game will be as a prisoner in The Longest Yard 3. That’s when a friend, someone whom I respect very much, weighed in and wrote, “Jerry Brown’s mother has forgiven Josh. Please don’t dishonor her or her son with these comments. Thanks so much fellas.”
Immediately I was convicted. I still disagreed
with the decision by the Cowboys organization but my second comment was insensitive and my friend was 100% right. But what really made the difference for me was the respect I have for my friend. He didn’t need to do anything except share the truth and because of how he’s conducted his life it carried the weight of the world for me.
I deleted my original comment and the subsequent comments from my Facebook wall then sent a message to my friend to let him know I heard him, that I was wrong, and that the comment had been removed. He
replied as follows:
“My niece was killed by a drunk driver; my sister was maimed by a drunk driver, losing the use of her leg. I am adamantly opposed to drinking and driving. I can’t imagine what this young man will go
through knowing what he did to his best friend. My guess is that his teammates are just trying to help him get through it. You are a great friend and I know you would do the same for me if I screwed up like this; while still kicking my butt for being so stupid.”
I didn’t know this about my friend’s family history with drunk drivers. As I noted earlier, because of how my friend has conducted himself over the 20 years I’ve known him he had the right to set me straight. It never feels good to be called to the carpet but I’ve learned the best approach is to take Dale Carnegie’s advice – When you’re wrong admit it quickly and emphatically.
I teach people about the psychology of persuasion because I believe it’s a necessary tool for success and happiness. However, even if you don’t consider yourself an expert on the principles of
influence there’s another tool that’s completely within your control – your conduct, which builds or destroys your character. Do the right thing and you earn the right to speak into people’s lives because Aristotle was correct, “Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.”

 

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Some Problems with American Politics

/4 Comments/by
I spent a good bit of time before New Year’s
flipping between CNN, MSNBC and Fox News to find out about the progress being
made on the “fiscal cliff” talks. The more I thought about that fiasco the more
I decided to share my view of the problems in American politics.
The average American seems to understand much
more than our elected officials. Married people know if you want a marriage to
work you need to learn to compromise. For the most part the ability to
compromise is seen as a good thing in life – except with our politicians.
In order to get out of the primaries,
representatives have to pander to the extreme elements in their party. That
means politicians take a hard line on many issues. They soften only slightly in
the general election with a goal of winning over as many undecided voters as
possible because neither party has such a stronghold that they can rely solely
on their base to get them elected.
Once the elected officials get to Washington
they’re beholden to those who elected them and the extreme positions they
espoused. The principle of consistency, the psychological
trait that tells us people want to be consistent in word and deed, makes it
difficult for politicians to move from their original positions even if new
data dictates that doing so would be best for the majority of Americans.
Despite what we learned about democracies and
majority rule it’s never that simple because of procedural rules that allow
each party to bring things to a halt or a snail’s pace. While there are good
reasons for these rules, they seem to be abused by both sides and the result is
the gridlock we’ve seen in Washington for far too long.
Another issue is the mentality politicians
seem to have about re-election. It’s almost the same mentality American businesses
now have about quarterly earnings. Businesses can be so focused on the
short-term that they make bad long-term decisions. For example, too often
companies don’t make needed investments in things like technology in order to keep
expenses low and boost quarterly earnings which makes the stock price look good.
In the same way politicians seem to do what’s best for them in the short-term
(i.e., get re-elected) as opposed to the long-term good of the country.
Personally I think term limits would help alleviate
this to some degree.
Lastly, I’ll share what I call “the law of the
gym.” When I was just out of college I was competing in bodybuilding contests.
My weight was around 225 lbs. and I would diet down to about 195 lbs. for
competitions. I quickly learned I could not burn enough calories through
exercise alone to lose those 30 lbs. In fact, exercising too much would
eventually be counter-productive to my goal. To put this in perspective,
consider this – running two miles burns approximately 250 calories or the
equivalent of a Snickers bar. Which is easier to do, run two miles or skip the
candy bar? It was obvious I needed to restrict my diet in certain ways. The
good news was, between the exercise and dieting I was always able to reach my
goal weight.
Let’s apply “the law of the gym” to politics
and our current debt situation. Tax revenues are like exercise; we can’t raise
them enough to get out of debt and raising them too much could actually hurt us
if jobs are lost. Our nation needs to go on a diet – spending cuts – in addition
to our exercise – recent tax increases. To go on spending as we are will only
cause the debt to grow. Hopefully our politicians can reach some compromise and
start reducing government spending so the debt begins to come down.
And speaking of the debt, we’ve become desensitized
to how large it’s become. Hundreds of millions, billions and trillions are
figures that no longer cause us to bat an eye. Only when you compare and contrast the debt to something
can you begin to wrap your mind around it, so here’s a comparison point for
you.  If you spent $1 million a day since
the time of the Egyptian empire you would only pay off a trillion dollars of our
debt. More than 2,700 years at a million dollars a day hardly makes a dent!
Now consider our national debt at roughly $16
trillion. If we could pay it down by $1 million a day it would take us more than 48,000 years to pay it off!
When politicians talk about it being immoral to pass on our debt to the next
generation that’s not as big a problem as passing our debt on to  thousands of generations! How would you feel if we were still paying down the
debt of the ancient Egyptians or Romans?
I no longer consider myself an affiliate of
either party because neither represents my views any longer. There are elements
of each that I agree with but there’s so much with both that I disagree with
that I can’t consider myself a Republican or a Democrat. It’s my hope that
sometime during my lifetime we get a third or fourth alternative to choose from
because right now most of us find ourselves choosing between the lesser of two
evils.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Persuasion Can Double Your Results at Half the Cost!

/0 Comments/by

 

It’s a new year and that means a fresh start. The profit and sales measures have all been reset to zero and the sky is the limit. If I could share with you a proven persuasion technique that could potentially double your results at half the cost would you be interested?

Most businesses use rewards to stimulate the desired results. That’s not bad business but there’s a more cost effective way that can help you get better results. How, you ask? By engaging people with gifts instead of rewards.
Rewards are based on an “if you, I will” system whereas gifts are simply “I will.” You see, a gift given does not
necessarily mean the other person will do what you want. We only need to look at charitable organizations like Easter Seals or March of Dimes to realize not everyone donates to those causes. However, if those two organizations are like the American Veterans they probably see twice as many people donate because of those little mailing labels – gifts – we receive in the mail.
When people are given a gift they feel compelled to give back in some way. We call that tendency “reciprocity.” I often share a reciprocity study in workshops that makes business owners sit up and take notice.
A health insurance company wanted owners of construction companies to take a health insurance survey. Half of the owners
were told they’d be given $50 when they completed and returned the completed survey. That’s pretty generous! The other owners were given a $5 check up front with a short note letting them know their time was valuable and thanked them for taking the survey.
On the surface most people would conclude two
things:

  1. Those being offered $50 will be far more likely to take the survey. After all,
    the incentive is 10 times more.
  2. Giving $5 up front will be too costly, especially because people can “take the money and run” and skip completing the
    survey.
If you thought either of those, you were wrong on both accounts. What they found was more than twice as many people took the survey when given the $5 check (52% vs. 23%) and the cost savings was potentially huge. If every person receiving the $5 check cashed it, the insurance company would have still saved 57%, but if only those who completed the survey cashed
it, the savings would have been 77%!
You don’t need to be a mathematician or have much business savvy to know more than doubling your results at a savings of more than 50%, possibly as much as 77%, makes good business sense.
Why do we see such a phenomenal result? Because reciprocity, the need we all feel to give back, is ingrained in us from
our earliest memories. As soon as we’re able to speak, mom and dad taught us to say “thank you” when someone did something for us. As we got older we learned more sophisticated ways to repay our obligations.
Next time you feel tempted to motivate someone with a big reward pause and consider whether or not there’s a way to give something significantly less and still get the desired behavior. It’s a new year so what better way to kick it off than by doubling your results at half the cost!

 

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Tis the Season to Reciprocate

/0 Comments/by

 

Here in the U.S. and across much of the world, it’s the holiday season and for most people the biggest holiday of them all is Christmas. Some celebrate Christmas as the season of joy and peace.  For others it is the season of love and for many more it’s the celebration of the birth of Jesus.
A huge part of celebrating Christmas is Santa Claus, Christmas trees and holiday music. In some stores Christmas music started around Halloween! Of course, the holiday season represents the bulk of sales for many stores, sometimes accounting for as much as 70% of their annual sales.  Sales success during the holiday season is a matter of economic survival for some stores.
All of this leads to another Christmas tradition – gift giving. The television show The Big Bang Theory had an excellent skit on the exchange of gifts, where Sheldon feels pressure because Penny got him a Christmas present. Here’s some of their exchange.

Sheldon: You bought me a present?

Penny: Yes.

Sheldon: Why would you do such a thing?

Penny: I don’t know, because it’s Christmas.

Sheldon: No Penny, I know you’re thinking you’re being generous but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift, you’ve given me an obligation.

Penny: Honey, it’s okay, you don’t have to give me anything in return.

Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as the gift you’ve give me. Gosh, no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.

It’s a very funny scene so if you’d like to watch the clip on YouTube, click here. The skit does hit the rule of reciprocity fairly well. This principle of influence tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who have first given to us. We also feel we should respond in kind so Sheldon was responding to a lifetime of conditioning when he felt like he had to match Penny’s gift.
We also see reciprocity at work in another of the Christmas traditions – exchanging holiday cards. Have you ever gotten a Christmas card in the mail from someone not on your list? How did you feel? I bet the majority of you reading this would respond in one of two ways:
  1. Get a card in the mail to the other person right away, or
  2. Add the person to your mailing list for next year.
Why do we respond this way? Because we’d feel socially awkward around the other person if we didn’t get them a card or gift and they took note of that.
We are so conditioned by reciprocity that we even respond when we don’t really want to. Here are some examples:
  • You’re at the mall and someone from a kiosk shoves something in your face and begins asking you questions. You respond – even though you’re rather they not do that – saying, “No thanks” when in reality you’re not thankful.
  • You get mailing labels in the mail and you respond to these “gifts” by sending the charitable organization money.
  • You’re out for drinks with friends and have had enough and are ready to go home but you stick around to buy one more round because you don’t want to be seen as having several drinks and not paying for a round yourself.

But there’s good news in all this. Sheldon wasn’t 100% accurate in the skit. He said suicide rates skyrocket this time of year and that’s not true. According the NYU Lagone Medical Center, “The media often links suicides during this time of year to the ‘holiday blues.’ However, various studies have shown no relationship between depression and suicide, and the holiday season. In fact, researchers found that depression rates and suicides actually drop during the winter months and peak in the spring.”

So while it may be the season to reciprocate, don’t buy gifts and send cards this time of year under penalty of death. However, beware, you might feel awkward around some people if you break the rule of reciprocity but that feeling will pass eventually.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – I Can vs I Did

/0 Comments/by

Most of you long time readers of Influence PEOPLE know Hoh Kim because of his many guest posts to the Influencers from Around the World series. Hoh is also a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT) and has his masters in communication from Marquette University. You can find out more about Hoh by visiting his website, The Lab h, and his blog, Cool Communications. You can connect with Hoh on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. 
Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 

Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

I Can vs. I Did 

What
are the key differences between more influential people and less influential
people?

I
participated in the Principles of Persuasion (POP) workshop in 2005. Then, I was trained by Dr. Robert Cialdini to be Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT) in 2008. Since then I have facilitated the two-day (16 hours) POP workshop more than 20 times. Sometimes, I meet some of the past participants of my workshop and discuss how they have used the principles of influence.
People
who participate in the POP workshop learn the scientific research and practical
application of the six principles of influence, which come from Dr. Robert Cialdini’s lifetime research. Even people who never participated in the workshop or read his book would be familiar with one or some of the Cialdini’s principles, like scarcity; people want more of what they can have less of, or authority, which says that people defer to experts.
But still, even after learning all the principles and tools, there are differences and some people become much more influential while others don’t. What makes the differences?
I
came to realize there are two types (or levels) of “educated” people: those who say, “I can do it,” vs. those who can say, “I did it.”
  1. “I can do it.”

    2. People get various sources of influence/persuasion; from books, advice from experts, school, seminars or workshop like POP, and so on. Let’s assume that you read the right books, got the right advice, and attended the right classes, seminars, or workshops on influence and persuasion. Once people learn the principles and techniques, they are in the level of “I can do it.” This is a level of possibilities and knowledge. For example, all the POP workshop participants can reach this level. Education and training can put the knowledge into your head but you need more than just that in order to become more influential. You have to move from “I can do it” to “I did it.”

  1. “I did it.”

    2. Over and over, year after year, I found that previous participants of my workshop who have reported they became much more influential and negotiated better outcomes for themselves share one important factor. They said “I did what I learned – at least one or some of the principles and techniques.” These people are in the level of practice (not just possibilities) and action (not just knowledge). They not only have the knowledge in their heads but they actually take actions with their hands.

Less Influential
More Influential
I
can do it
I
did it
Knowledge
Action
Possibilities
Practices
Head
Hand
The
last slide of my POP workshop says, “All know the ways, few actually walk it.” This is a quote from Bodhidharma, a Buddhist monk who lived during the 5th/6th century. The more I think about this quote, the more I come to believe its truth. For example, I know how to lose weight; i.e., eat less, exercise more. But, simply knowing that doesn’t mean I walk the way.
These
days, we can learn all those “ways” from the Internet and skip school, seminars and workshops. In most cases, the reason we fail to do something is not because we don’t know the way, but because we don’t walk the way we know.
So,
here’s a little tip for all of us as we are approaching Christmas and year-end. This is the opportunity to “practice” the principles of liking and reciprocity.
  1. Allocate at least one “uninterrupted” half-day in December (I allocated two full days for this).
  2. Review your calendar/schedules or business cards/your contact list. Select 30-50 people you really want to thank in the year of 2012.
  3. Write
    down short messages via cards, emails, or even text messages for them. You have to be specific in what you thank them for, not just “thank you for your help!” Praise them as appropriate. For some of the people, you can send little gifts.

For
the year 2013, let us “walk the way” not just “know the way.” 

Hoh, CMCT

PEOPLE – What is Ethical Persuasion?

/0 Comments/by

Influence PEOPLE – Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. Can we persuade others in an ethical manner? My nephew Max asked me about that a while ago and that prompted this series of posts on PEOPLE. We’ll explore the ethics of influence this week in the last article of this series.

Interestingly enough I first made contact with Dr. Cialdini because of ethics. Stanford University had come out with a new marketing piece advertising his best selling video on the principles of influence and the headline read, “Call it influence, persuasion, even manipulation…” I emailed Stanford and told them since no one wants to be manipulated and no one wants to be known as a manipulator that word could not be helping sales. Shortly after my email I received a call from Dr. Cialdini’s office thanking me and letting me know Stanford was changing their marketing of the video.
Manipulation isn’t bad when we use it to refer to things like a carpenter manipulating the wood he’s working with. However, when it comes to people the connotation is always negative because it implies shrewd and unfair dealings. As I noted above, people don’t want to be manipulated and no one with an ounce of integrity would want to earn the title manipulator.
I do believe we can ethically persuade others and influence them in non-manipulative ways. College courses are taught on ethics and books are written on the subject so no doubt some of you might have questions after reading this short post. I encourage you to leave comments and I will do my best to respond.
My challenge as someone who teaches others about sales and persuasion is to distill the question of ethics into something quick and easy so it can be used in real world situations. All too often we don’t have time to consider every aspect of ethics nor do we have time to debate hypothetical situations.
Having shared that, I believe we can be ethical in our attempts to persuade others in everyday situations if we’re doing two simple things. First, we have to be honest and forthright in what we share. Sharing untruths and half-truths to get your way won’t cut it, especially if the person you’re attempting to persuade questions your integrity because of your presentation of the facts.
Second, we should always consider the well being of the other person we are trying to influence. Is what we want them to do really in their best interests as well as ours? This goes to the heart of what Stephen Covey called a “win-win” outcome. If we believe what we’re asking them to do will benefit them and not just ourselves we can usually feel good about proceeding with our attempt to persuade.
A couple of questions might come to mind with what I just wrote. First has to do with the facts. As I shared in an earlier post on politics, people will present information in a way that best highlights their case. Was the state income tax increase from 3% to 5% a 2-point increase or a 66% increase? It’s factual to say either. One side says 66% to arouse emotion to persuade people to vote against the tax increase while the other side emphasizes it will only cost voters two percent of their income. I don’t think either side is being unethical but each has an agenda so we need to be aware of all the facts so we can make the most informed decision.
The question my nephew raised had to do with whether or not the person persuading truly knows what’s best for the other individual or group. I don’t think anyone always knows what’s best for other people. As the father of a teenager I’m attempting to influence Abigail all the time. I believe I know what’s best for her but as she grows up and continues to develop her own ideas, views and interests it may not always be the case that I know best. I don’t think that negates my good intentions because I do believe what I ask of her is in her best interests.
Sales can be very much the same. Is my company’s insurance right for everyone? No, but assuming agents who represent us have prequalified potential customers – they should assess their needs and match them to the best company(s) – they should feel confident when they decide to present State Auto as a solution. The potential customer will make the final decision because they will know best what they need. The role of the agent is to inform them and make a recommendation as the expert.
What I find manipulative is when someone presents information in a manner to influence other’s thoughts and behavior when they know revealing the larger context would change people’s opinion. For example, early on in the presidential campaign Republicans showed a video clip of President Obama and chided him for certain statements. What most people didn’t know was the clip was edited to manipulate people’s thinking because in actuality President Obama was quoting Senator John McCain’s words from the prior election. When asked if this was right, former RNC Chairman Richard Steele said there was nothing wrong with it! Sorry, but I think that’s sleazy politics.
Having shared that I’ll say the Democrats did something similar when they hammered former Governor Romney when he said he was willing to let the auto industry go bankrupt, as if the doors would close, everyone would lose their jobs and we’d no longer make cars in the United States. That wasn’t the whole truth because they conveniently left out the larger context. Romney wanted the automakers to declare bankruptcy to get out from under certain debts and reorganize as many large corporations have done over the years. That’s a very different picture than doors closed and assembly lines stopped.
Obviously this is a deep subject, much too deep for a short blog post. However, I hope it’s prompted your thinking about the subject. In closing my encouragement would be twofold:
  1. Do your homework so you know what you’re asking someone is truly good for them as well as you. Make it a win-win to the best of your ability.
  2. Make sure you’re honest in your communication and if context is needed then supply it.
I believe if you do these two things you’ll be able to look yourself in the mirror and sleep well at night. A side benefit is the trust you’ll gain will make it easier for you to work with and persuade others down the road because you’ll be building a good reputation.
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.