Pre-suasion: Setting the Stage for Success and Happiness

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The following is an excerpt from my next book, which I’m knee deep in the middle of right now. It focuses specifically on selling and I use the following personal story to introduce the psychology of “pre-suasion” as a key to success and happiness. In addition to working on the book my story is appropriate at this time because on May 14th it will be 33 years to the day that Jane and I got engaged.

Once Upon a Time… 

In July 1986, I was a recent college graduate walking into the HR training room for The Travelers Insurance Company. First job, first day and I saw Jane Baily, a recent college grad also on her first day of work. My thought at that moment was, “Wow, she’s beautiful!”

Many years later she told me what she thought when she first laid eyes on me; “What an egghead. The Travelers really got a winner here.” Okay, I stumbled badly out of the gate but I recovered quickly. Within a few weeks I was no longer going out with my longtime girlfriend and I began dating Jane. We quickly fell in love and everything was awesome…until my old girlfriend called out of the blue later that fall.

That phone call threw me for a loop! I started wondering if I’d made the right choice. Did I want to give up all those years with my ex-girlfriend? But I loved Jane. I was torn and suddenly I was back and forth between these two women. Some people might think having two people want you would be a great “problem” to have but it was horrible because I had a conscience and didn’t want to hurt either person. In hindsight, that’s all I did as I went back and forth between the two for about six months.

Jane and I still worked together and one day I saw her in the break room and asked how she was doing. She told me she was fine and announced she was done with my indecision. She went on to tell me even if I asked her out again she’d say no because in her mind it was over. She wasn’t going to put up with my indecision any longer and who could blame her? That was a problem because I was beginning to think she was the one I wanted to be with. In fact, I was thinking I wanted to marry her.

If you had known me at that time you would have said, “Don’t do it. Don’t ask her to marry you. Just date a while and make sure that’s how you really feel.” If you had known Jane you probably would have encouraged her to run for the hills. At a minimum you might have suggested some proving period of dating, maybe six to nine months, to see if I had truly settled things in my heart.

I knew I was going to have to do something big if I was going to hear “Yes!” to a marriage proposal. Here’s what I did.

On Jane’s birthday, May 14, 1987, I sent her a dozen roses at work. Of course, she loved that and the attention she got from all the ladies in the office.

I told her I wanted to take her to dinner and she agreed. I showed up at her apartment with another dozen roses and a bottle of wine. At this point she was thinking, “This is turning out to be a pretty good birthday!”

When we went downstairs from her apartment to leave for the restaurant she saw the 1963 Silver Cloud Rolls Royce and chauffeur I’d hired to take us to dinner. Now it was beginning to feel like a fairy tale he drove us to downtown Columbus.

The restaurant I chose was atop one of the tallest buildings in the city. We rode a glass elevator up more than 30 floors, had a romantic dinner overlooking the city then rode the glass elevator back down.

In the back of the Rolls Royce, on our way back to her apartment I popped the question and she said “Yes!” As of the writing of this book, we’ve been married for 32 years.

I had no idea what the psychology of pre-suasion was at the time but I’d unknowingly engaged it (pun intended) in a big way. Imagine for a moment that I’d asked Jane to marry me at work in the break room:

Me – “Jane, I’m sorry for all the indecision. I love you and want to be with you. Will you marry me?”

Jane – “No!” or best case scenario “I think we can start by dating first and see where this goes.”

Fortunately, I “set the stage” romantically in a way that made “Yes!” far more likely. That’s exactly what pre-suasion is all about; creating conditions that will put someone in a frame of mind that makes it easier for them to say “Yes” when you make your ask. Pre-suasion led to success and happiness for me and I hope it does for you too.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 100,000 people around the world!

A Path to Real Change

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There’s been lots of talk about a “new normal” when we emerge from the Covid-19 quarantine. Some people long to go back to the way things were just prior to the pandemic. That’s understandable because in the United States unemployment was near all-time lows, the stock market was at record highs and the economic outlook was promising. That doesn’t necessarily mean things were hunky dory for everyone.

Many of the jobs people had didn’t pay a living wage which meant working two or three jobs to make ends meet. It’s a safe bet the multitudes who barely made enough to pay their bills were not beneficiaries of the bull run in the stock market. This is evidenced by the financial hardship so many have encountered during the pandemic because of little or no savings.

You can’t legislate generosity so most employers only do what they’re legally required to do even though they may have the capacity to do more. But, maybe there’s a better way to real change than legislating it.

Reward vs. Reciprocity

Rewards and reciprocity are two well researched ways to influence behavior. But, they are very different ways to approach behavior change.

Rewards are commonplace in business because they’re contractual. Think of the contractual nature of rewards this way, “If you…I will…” For example, your boss tells you if you hit your sales numbers the company will pay you a bonus. If you don’t reach your goal, the company doesn’t owe you anything beyond your normal pay. Once you hit the goal you may not owe the company anything more either. In a sense, negotiated rewards bring closure to relationship.

By contrast, reciprocity isn’t contractual, it’s relational. Reciprocity can be view like this, “I have…will you…?” I have helped you, will you do me a favor? There’s no guarantee you will do the favor I want. I have to trust the rule for reciprocity which says people feel some obligation to give back to those who have first given to them.

You may think you’ll be taken advantage of if you do and do and do for people. It’s true that some people won’t do anything for you in return. Fortunately, most play by the rule. And here’s some good news; quite often when you engage reciprocity you can do much less and still have people very willing to help you when you need it. In other words, small acts of generosity don’t go unnoticed and can produce outsized responses.

A Better New Normal

I came across a story recently that got me thinking about this. Larry Connors, a Dayton, Ohio, real estate CEO, recently earned a whopping $1.6 million in the stock market in just eight days! How fortunate is that, especially during this time when the stock market has dropped more than 20% in just a few short months. Some people have all the luck and the rich just keep getting richer. But there’s a twist to this story of good fortune.

Larry Connors is giving away all $1.6 million to his employees. That’s right, each employee will get a gift of $2,000 – $9,000. Click here to read more.

While the article calls the payout a bonus, I intentionally use the word gift because usually bonuses are based on the reward mentality. They’re negotiated in advance. In this case nothing was negotiated and Connors was under no obligation to pay any of that money to his people. It was an unexpected gift during a time when people needed it most.

When is Enough Enough?

While a rising tide does raise all boats, with the economic tide some boats seem to catch much bigger waves and the income disparity in this country has continued to grow for more than four decades. According to the Economic Policy Institute, since 1978 CEO pay has risen 940%, but the increase for the typical worker was just 12%.

Legislating minimum living wages, capping senior level executive payouts, increasing tax rates and other ideas are always met with stiff resistance. Socialism and wealth redistribution are terms that are kicked around whenever this issue comes up.

But what if more people in positions of wealth, power and privilege willingly took the position of Larry Connors? What if an ever growing number of those folks realized they had more than enough and that helping others share in the pie would be better for everyone over the long run?

Certainly not every senior executive will have such a large windfall over such a short period but it’s so often the case that many get big raises and enormous bonuses that, if distributed more among the average worker at their company would lead to more economic prosperity. After all, sales when it comes to groceries, electronics, cars and other durable goods would increase if more money were in the hands of more consumers.

Why Even Consider It?

What good does it do Larry Connors, or might it do for other business leaders, to consider engaging reciprocity through non-negotiated acts of kindness? The reasons are numerous but below are three that came right to mind for me. I invite you to share a few of your own.

  1. Employee loyalty. Do you really think Larry Connors’ employees will go work anywhere else now? Reciprocity will likely dictate a response in the form of fierce loyalty and lower turnover lowers costs which could result in more competitiveness.
  2. Attracting talent. For many Millennials and Generation Zers money isn’t their top priority. Working for socially conscious companies with good, trustworthy people is. An act of giving when you don’t have to and it’s not expected makes working for such a company a strong attraction for top talent. Top talent usually translates into a competitive advantage.
  3. It’s better to give than receive. If you’re like me, growing up you may have heard it was better to give than receive. I’m not sure kids really believe that but as we grew up we started to realize making the choice to help others does feel really good. Even if nothing comes back your way you can lay your head on your pillow each night knowing you’ve helped people.

To Do This Week

I’m certain most people reading this will not be in the position that Larry Connors was in but it doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Consider the following:

  • Next time you order food, double, triple or quadruple your normal tip. The amount may not be a lot to you but it will probably make your delivery person’s day.
  • If you don’t have much extra to spare then be very generous with your praise. If possible, make sure your praise reaches someone’s boss because it might be the catalyst for a promotion, raise or bonus.
  • Help others by making connections that might benefit both parties in the future.

Each of us is at a unique time in our lives. If we don’t make a commitment to do something different as we move out of quarantine then we’ll find ourselves right back where we started and that would be a shame because it would be like acknowledging that things were good enough. Unfortunately, they weren’t good enough for many people.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 100,000 people around the world!

It All Started With This…

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It was sometime in 2003, Nancy Edwards, a coworker handed a videotape to my boss, John Petrucci, and me. Nancy had seen it during an MBA class she was taking at The Ohio State University. She said she thought we’d really like it. The video was Robert Cialdini presenting The Power of Persuasion at Stanford’s executive briefing. The video changed my career and life.

The Psychology of Sales

As I watched Cialdini talking about ethical influence I remember thinking what he taught explained all the sales training we do. The psychology he spoke about gave insight into why some sales techniques worked and some didn’t.

It resonated with me that everything Cialdini shared was based on scientific research from experiments in social psychology. Good advice is a dime a dozen but research, I could confidently get behind that.

I also appreciated Cialdini’s stance on ethics, non-manipulative ways to move people to action. It was this aspect of the talk that would be the catalyst for the career and life change noted earlier.

I began to use the video in some training around my company. We’d watch it then discuss how we might apply the concepts at work.

Ethical Influence vs. Manipulation

I learned Stanford had other excellent resources so I signed up for their mailing list. One day a Stanford marketing flier made its way to my desk. As I flipped the pages Robert Cialdini’s picture caught my eye. Above his picture, in big bold letters, I saw: BEST SELLER

That wasn’t a surprise because it was great presentation. However, what I saw next in the marketing copy shocked me! Call it influence, persuasion or even manipulation.

What?!? Someone in Stanford’s marketing department obviously didn’t watch the video because Cialdini could not have been clearer about ethical influence. Even the person who introduced him referenced “non-manipulative” ways to move people to action.

The ethical part of me felt this needed to be addressed so I emailed Stanford and basically wrote:

“I don’t know anyone who wants to be manipulated nor do I know anyone who wants to be known as a good manipulator. That word cannot be helping your sales but it really could be hurting sales.”

The Phone Call

I never heard from Stanford but one day my phone rang at work and when I answered, to my surprise, it was a representative from INFLUENCE AT WORK, Cialdini’s organization. Chris Cibbarelli was calling to thank me on behalf of Cialdini and the entire organization. Apparently, Stanford notified Cialdini they were changing the marketing of his video because of the email I wrote. How cool was that!

Before we hung up Chris said, “If your company ever needs a guest speaker Dr. Cialdini travels the world to speak about this.” I told her I sat next to the woman who planned our events and booked our speakers so I transferred her. As a result, Cialdini was in Columbus, Ohio several times in the summer of 2004 to speak to insurance agents who represented the company.

Later that summer, my boss and I went to Arizona to attend Cialdini’s 2-day Principles of Persuasion Workshop. Four years later I returned to Arizona to go through the certification process which allows me to teach Cialdini’s material and methodology. Once I was certified, I knew this was what I wanted to do with the rest of my career because I saw the potential to help people professionally and personally.

And the rest is history.

To Do This Week

I share this because last week I stumbled across the Stanford presentation that changed my life and want to share it with you. I hope you’ll invest 55 minutes this week to watch it because it might have a profound impact on you as well.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 100,000 people around the world!

How Are You Doing?

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If I had more time I would…[fill in the blank]. Most people have had an unprecedented amount of time on their hands the last month due to quarantine situations around the world. How are you doing? How have you been using your time? Are you trying to change the things you’ve wanted to change for some time? Are you trying to create those new habits you wished you’d already started?

So much of your life is driven by habit. You learn something, repeat enough and before you know it, you’re doing that thing without thinking.

During our quarantine time my wife Jane added new shelves to the pantry. That meant removing the trash can from its long standing spot and getting a new one that now stands next to the kitchen isle.

The panty looks great and has lots more storage room. The stainless steel trash can also looks great because it matches our refrigerator and other kitchen items. Life is good! Well, except for the fact that both Jane and I keep opening the darn pantry door to throw out our trash. We’ve lived in our home for 30 years so breaking that old habit might take a good bit of time.

Have you ever experienced something similar where you mindlessly kept going back to the way you’ve always done something? Maybe you moved the toothpaste from the bathroom cabinet to a drawer, got a new coffee maker and still act as if you had your old one, or perhaps you changed jobs which means driving to work a new way. In each case you might have found yourself reverting to the old way of doing things without thinking.

Fortunately, I’ve not tossed any trash inside the pantry but I’ve opened the door countless times with that intent. I decided I needed a prompt to stop me from doing that. My prompt to help create the new habit more quickly is posting a yellow sticky note – NOT TRASH – on the pantry door to stop myself as I reflexively move in that direction. So far so good.

What prompts do you need to stop old behaviors? What prompts could help you start new behaviors? If you’re looking for great resources on habit formation check out my good friend John Millen’s LeaderMotiv site.

Conclusion

Change is never easy so give yourself a break when you catch yourself falling back into old habits. Knowing it’s not easy, don’t give up either. Something got you into the old habit and probably did so over a long period. The good news is, something can get you out and probably won’t take as long if you remain focused on change.

To Do This Week

Ask yourself three questions:

  • What’s going well? Keep it up!
  • What do I want to change? Commit to start immediately.
  • Use a yellow sticky note. This might prompt you to engage your new habit.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 100,000 people around the world!

The Subconscious; the Dark Matter of our Psychology

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Something I do when I’m on the treadmill is read on my Kindle or watch documentaries. I recently finished Quark Science on Amazon and the episode on dark matter grabbed my attention because it reminded me of something from psychology.

What is this mysterious thing scientists call dark matter? According to Dictionary.com it is, “Unseen matter that may make up more than ninety percent of the universe. As the name implies, dark matter does not interact with light or other electromagnetic radiation, so it cannot be seen directly, but it can be detected by measuring its gravitational effects.”

As I watched I thought about the dark matter of our minds – our subconscious.

More than 90% of the Universe and Your Being

Dark matter is thought to make up more than 90% of our universe. If it makes up so much you’d think you’d readily see it. If you can’t see it, you may think perhaps it doesn’t really exist. Our subconscious is very similar.

In Buyology: Truth and Lies About Why We Buy author Martin Lindstrom looks at the buying habits of people as they pertain to thought, feelings and emotions. Lindstrom contends that 85% of our decisions and/or actions are driven by the subconscious. Leonard Mlodinow puts that number at 95% in his book Subliminal: How Your Subconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior.

Let’s split the difference and call it 90%. That means 9 out of every 10 of your thoughts and/or actions are driven by something you’re completely unaware of, something you cannot readily access.

Cannot Be Seen But Can Be Measured

In much the same way that dark matter cannot be seen, neither is your subconscious “seen” in the sense that it’s not accessible to the conscious mind. If it were, then we’d call it your conscious mind.

But we know we have a subconscious even though most of the time we’re completely unaware of it. That’s because we see the effects of our subconscious on what we think, how we feel and what we do.

A Dark Matter Personal Story

Have you ever had someone confront you about something you were completely unaware of? If so, you may have resisted what they had to say. That happened go me and it wasn’t until decades later that I could finally see it.

When I was a junior in high school I was suspended for three days for swearing at a teacher. We had a confrontation in the library and she told me if I didn’t like what she had to say I could leave. A 17-year-old full of testosterone I blurted out, “Fine! I don’t give a damn, I’m gonna get the hell out of here!” I stormed out and she caught me in the hallway. To her credit, she gave me every opportunity to apologize but I was angry and refused. Next came the punishment.

If you would have told me my uncharacteristic angry outburst had to do with my parents going through a divorce I would have denied it. I would have insisted with every fiber in my being that the teacher was the problem and it had nothing to do with my parents. Looking back, I now know divorce has a huge impact on kids, whether or not they realize it at the time.

The moral of the story is simply this; I was unaware of what was driving my emotions and behavior. Based on my understanding of psychology I know I’m not alone.

Conclusion

Most people don’t know why they think, feel and do what they do because seldom do they have time for self-reflection. If asked about their thoughts, feelings and actions, they will come up with a reason – a rationalization – but most of the time it’s not completely accurate because they are unaware of the dark matter that actually drives them.

To Do This Week

Maybe you’re like the millions of self-quarantined people who have a little more time on hand than usual. Take some of that time to do some self-reflection. Occasionally pause and ask yourself:

  • Why do I think that?
  • How come I feel this way?
  • Why did I do that?

Ben Franklin said, “Three things are extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” I think knowing yourself is the most valuable of the three.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 100,000 people around the world!

Quarterly Newsletter

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Most people would say 2020 and first quarter started great. We saw record highs in the stock market, record lows on unemployment and low interest rates to name just a few of the economic metrics. Life was prosperous for manyAmericans and people around the world. Then suddenly it came to a halt with Covid-19.

The pandemic is unprecedented in our lifetime as is the unfolding economic fallout. Between the collective intelligence of humanity and unparalleled technology I have faith the pandemic will end sooner rather than later. How quickly economies bounce back is anyone’s guess.

As someone who typically interacts with small groups and large audiences I fully understand the impact of all of this. My TED Talk was only a week away when it got canceled and other opportunities are on hold as we wait to see how things will play out. However, I choose to look for opportunity. I’m focusing on my health – mental, physical and spiritual – in ways I did not before the stay at home order. I hope you’re looking for what could be, not what isn’t or was. It’s a choice we all have to make.

Be safe and stay healthy!

Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

  • Why – Help you enjoy more professional success and personal happiness.
  • How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.
  • What – Speak, write, train, coach and consult.
  • Who – We work primarily with leaders, salespeople. coaches and attorneys.

Despite the economics we’re facing I’m still excited when I go to bed and when I wake up. My opportunity to do something I’m passionate about, something that helps people professionally and personally, still exists. Now I have to rethink how I will do it. One think I’m doing is exploring technology like Zoom to interact with people. No matter how things unfold, I believe technology that reduces travel and in-person interactions will become even more important in the future.

Here’s What’s New

Blog Posts

While most of my blogging revolves around helping people understand how to ethically influence people, lately I’ve focused more broadly on psychology and how it impacts our perceptions of our current situation. Click here to see some of those recent posts.

Podcasts

I was a guest on another dozen podcasts to start the year. Some were insurance related, some dealt with career change and others were straight up influence for new audiences. Now is as good a time as any to invest 30 minutes to learn how to influence people. To see the recent podcast click here.

LinkedIn Learning

I now have four LinkedIn Learning courses online. Nearly 100,000 people have participated in the learning. If you want to learn about the intersection of influence in sales, dealing with personality styles and coaching then check out the courses. Click here to watch a short preview of each course.

Best of…

Looking for interesting content? Because you may have more time on your hands with the pandemic self-quarantining, why not put some of that time to good use learning? Below are some great books to read, podcasts to listen to, and shows to watch.

Books

Adversaries into Allies by Bob Burg. Burg’s most well-known book is The Go-Giver and Adversaries into Allies is not far behind. If you’re looking for great common sense approaches to dealing with people then this book is for you. As I read it I felt like I was reading a modern day version of Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Talk Like TED by Carmine Gallo. I’ve been a fan of Gallo ever since reading The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs. In this book Gallo dissects some of the most watched TED Talks to distill them into 9 considerations for anyone giving a TED Talk. But his findings go further than the TED stage because anyone who presents to groups will benefit from this book.

Podcasts

Behavioral Grooves has been featured before. It’s co-hosted by Kurt Nelson and Tim Houlihan. In addition to their great rapport they have smart, interesting guests. Currently they’re featuring behavioral scientists who share thoughts and strategies for coping during the pandemic. You will laugh and learn whenever you listen to Kurt, Tim and their guests.

In the Arena is a hosted by Anthony Iannarino. I’ve known Anthony for more than a decade and can tell you he’s wicked smart, very funny and he KNOWS about sales. He’s been blogging daily for more than a decade. If you watch deep, concentrated sales learning then check out In the Arena.

Watch

Quark Science can be viewed on Amazon Prime. There are half a dozen episodes that look at topics such as sound, dark matter, the space-time continuum, where did we come from and much more. It breaks complicated subjects down in interesting, easy to understand visuals and language. Fascinating stuff!

They Shall Not Grow Old is a 2018 film now on Amazon Prime. The movie looks at World War I by taking original film and digitizing it with color and sound. Suddenly people in those films no longer live in the silence of black and white film. They walk and talk almost as if filmed only a few years ago. It was amazing how it brought that time period to life. I highly encourage you to spend an hour and a half with this film some evening.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 90,000 people around the world!

Man, this sucks! Sucks compared to what?

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Across most of the nation, and much of the world, people are self-quarantining. In some cases, the quarantine is imposed by government order. In either case, some people are complaining, “Man, this sucks!” I’d like to offer a different viewpoint and ask, “Sucks compared to what?”

Nelson Mandela

The late Nelson Mandela, statesman and leader of South Africa’s movement to abolish apartheid, spent 27 years in prison. That’s a long time to be quarantined! Early on some of his imprisonment was isolation in an 8×7 ft cell where he slept on a straw bed on the floor.

Mandela spent much of his time studying, writing and continuing to advance the cause for freedom and equality for blacks in South Africa. Perhaps we should adopt the same stance regarding our free time right now and do things to actively improve ourselves.

Viktor Frankl

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time you’ve undoubtedly seen many references to, and quotes from, Viktor Frankl. That’s so because his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is one of the most impacting books I’ve ever read.

Frankl spent three years in Nazi concentration camps. How did he survive the horrors? By focusing his mind. He believed one day he’d be a free man and chose to imagine dinners with his wife, giving lectures on what he learned, and to appreciate the beautiful things in life like flowers and sunsets.

Despite his incarceration he came to the realization that everything could be taken away from him except the freedom to choose where he would place his thoughts. And with that core belief he suddenly realized he was freer than the guards who monitored his every move at the concentration camps. We’d all do well to adopt Frankl’s mindset.

John McCain

Senator John McCain was shot down during the Vietnam War and spend five and a half years as a prisoner. At first, he wasn’t even given any medical treatment for the injuries he sustained. Soon thereafter he was subjected to torture.

McCain had an opportunity for release less than a year into captivity but refused unless all the men he was imprisoned with were released too. That meant nearly five more years of imprisonment.

Consider this; we’re told to simply stay apart for our own well-being and the well-being of our fellow citizens. McCain chose to stay with his fellow soldiers at a great personal cost to himself and those who wanted him home. That’s a hero.

Our “Imprisonment”

Frankl, Mandela and McCain are extremes when it comes to imprisonment but they are hardly alone in the course of history. They could not access any of the comforts so many of us enjoy at this very moment.

  • Amazon Prime, Netflix, Hulu and other television apps afford us 24x7x365 entertainment of any kind.
  • We have access to news, books, games, email, work and countless other things to occupy our time, educate ourselves and in some cases, continue working.
  • Zoom, Skype, Google Meets and other technologies allow us to communication face to face with each other.
  • We still have access to goods and food delivered to our doorsteps.

Conclusion

For many reasons the global pandemic sucks. The biggest reason is that people are dying who otherwise may have lived much longer lives. Millions are getting sick which, even when they recover, presents its own hardships. And the economic toll – lost jobs and businesses – across the globe is terrible.

But, considering what many people have endured over time, what we’re going through doesn’t suck so much in comparison.

To Do This Week

Take stock of what you have, not what you’re missing, and be thankful. Use your time wisely. Here are a handful of easy things you can do:

  1. If you have family at home use this is a unique opportunity to spend quality time together. Don’t waste it! Jane and I have made it a point to take walks together every day. What are you doing differently?
  2. Get on LinkedIn Learning, Coursea and other online providers to sharpen your skills. Download a book or start listening to podcasts. You have more time so how will you use it?
  3. Use this time to reconnect with people. I’ve reconnected with my friend Marco Germani who lives outside of Rome. Once a week we jump on Zoom and keep each other up to date about what’s going on in our parts of the world. What person would you like to reconnect with?
  4. Give thanks. Despite the self-isolation you can still order food and other goods as noted earlier. Imagine how much harder this would seem without Amazon and other home delivery! What are you thankful for in the midst of this?
  5. Get creative. People are having virtual cocktail parties using technology. I’ve participated in a few and they’re fun. Jane and I give each other silly gifts every day and post of Facebook so our friends can laugh. What’s one creative thing you can do to pass each day?

Compared to earlier this year, things seem like they suck. Stepping back and looking at what others have had to endure, things don’t seem so bad. Make the right comparison and you’ll feel much better about where you are right now.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 90,000 people around the world!

Do You Have Faith?

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Do you have faith? I do. My perspective on faith comes from my Christian worldview. The Bible defines faith as follows; “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1) From there the chapter goes on to list people who lived by faith.

Examples of Faith

We all exercise some degree of faith daily. Maybe you call it belief but whatever you call it, you enter situations all the time not knowing the outcome. For example; I know airplanes fly but I don’t know exactly how. Despite not knowing, every time I get in a plane I have faith I will get where I’m going safely. You have faith:

  • That other drivers won’t drive on the wrong side of the road and cause an accident when you’re on the highway.
  • When you put a letter in the mailbox and assume it will get to the intended address.
  • That Google is giving you valid search results.

Call it faith, belief, trust or something else, we operate the majority of life by this concept.

Cause for Concern

Given the unprecedented situation we find ourselves in there’s great cause for concern. People may lose their jobs and some already have. There will be businesses that go under if this lasts much longer. Bank accounts may be depleted and retirement savings are shriveling away as markets constrict.

Most importantly, many people have lost their lives and that will continue for some period of time. The list goes on and on when it comes to the ramifications of the pandemic.

The State of the Nation in 1939

I was not alive during World War II but I’ve read a lot about it and watched countless documentaries. Here are a few things that stand out for me regarding the state of our nation when war broke out in 1939.

  • The United States was wholly unprepared for war because our military was small, untested and outdated.
  • We were still in a decade long depression and seemingly did not have the financial resources to get ready for war.
  • There was division among our citizens – those who wanted to remain isolated and those who felt we needed to help our allies.
  • We had a controversial president who was disliked by nearly half the country because they felt his policies were not helping us economically or socially.

If you know about this time in American history there are perhaps other things that stand out for you. Unprepared and uncertainty are two words that come to mind when thinking back on that time.

The State of the Nation Now

There seem to be many parallels between 1939 and 2020.

  • The United States is wholly unprepared to fight a pandemic. This includes supplies and technology.
  • While we were in the midst of the greatest economic boom in the history of the nation in January, we may slip into a depression very soon.
  • There is division among our citizens – those who want to move towards isolationist policies and those who feel we needed to be more open with the world.
  • We have a controversial president who is disliked by half the country because they feel his policies have not helped us economically or socially.

As I noted in the previous section, perhaps different things that stand out for you as you consider the state of things at this moment in time.

Why I Have Faith

Despite the gloom and doom we currently hear from the media and see on social media, what stands out above all else was our response to WWII. We came together as a nation and defeated a common enemy. Now we have an opportunity to do the same.

  • During WWII whole industries worked with the government to meet the demands for war. We’re beginning to see that.
  • Amazing new technologies were invented out of necessity. We have that chance today.
  • In the early 1940s there was still controversy about the right path to pursue but once the course was set Americans fell in line because of what was at stake. The more we voluntarily do that now (i.e. social distancing and self-quarantining) the less need there will be for government imposition on our lives.

Conclusion

We live in the most unique time in human existence. Our technological advances and interconnectedness have allowed society to flourish in ways never seen before in history. But, our prosperity is also fragile in many respects. We’re seeing that in real time as markets quickly unravel and jobs are being lost.

Here’s the good news; those same things – our collective intelligence and technology – that allowed us to flourish will help us bounce back faster than ever!

And now for some encouragement; on the heels of World War I and the Spanish Flu epidemic America rebounded and entered an unprecedented time of prosperity known as “The Roaring 20s.” I have faith we can do that again.

To Do This Week

Beyond encouragement what can you do? Here are a handful of things that involve making simple choices:

  1. Do your part. Stay at home as much as possible and consciously keep distance when possible. In other words, put the well-being of others ahead of yourself.
  2. Remain social. Use Facetime, Zoom, Skype and other technology to check in on people and maintain your social connections.
  3. Positive Mental Attitude. Maintaining a positive mental attitude will help you and everyone you’re around. Plan to do things you’ll look forward to.
  4. We are more consumed than ever with work, technology and other demands. If things have slowed for you, use some of that time to reflect on the good things in your life.
  5. Have faith. We’ve faced huge obstacles in the past and we have overcome. There’s no reason to believe we cannot to the same this time.

Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, survived three years in Nazi concentration camps. One of his profound insights through the ordeal was this; “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Choose faith!

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 90,000 people around the world!

7 Deadly Sins When Trying to Influence PEOPLE

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I just celebrated my 12th anniversary partnering with INFLUENCE AT WORK, the organization headed up by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D. Cialdini, sometimes called “the Godfather of influence”, is the most cited living social psychologist on the planet when it comes to the science of influence. I have the privilege of being one of only two dozen people worldwide to have been personally trained and certified by Cialdini to teach his methodology when it comes to influence.

During my years working with people I’ve run into countless times where I’ve seen salespeople, marketers, leaders and many others incorrectly use the principles of influence. Here’s why it’s a big problem – when people use the principles incorrectly they don’t see the results they expect. That failure leads to, “Yea, it sounds good when he says it but it doesn’t work in real life.”

Trust me, used ethically and correctly, the principles of influence will move more people to act. There’s seven decades of research to back up that statement. To help you avoid that pitfall I want to share the 7 deadly sins – one for each principle – I see when people attempt to use the psychology of persuasion.

Liking

We all know it’s easier to say yes to those we know and like. Whether you’re in sales, coaching or leadership, the more someone likes you the more likely they are to follow your advice.

  • Mistake. Knowing this, people work too hard to get others to like them. They end up coming across like a desperate salesman who will say or do anything to close the sale.
  • Solution. Stop trying to get people to like you. Instead, try to like the people you’re with. As others sense you genuinely like and care for them, they will be far more likely to say yes to you.

Unity

Unity is about shared identity. We when see another person as one of us, saying yes to them is like saying yes to ourselves.

  • Mistake. People think this is the principle of liking on steroids. With that thought, they try harder than ever to connect on what they have in common.
  • Solution. Unity isn’t always available but when it is, tap into it. Do some homework to find out if you share something deep with the others person. It may be that you served in the same branch of the military, were in the same fraternity or sorority, or happened to share the same cultural heritage.

Reciprocity

From the time we’re young we’re taught that when someone does something for us we’re expected to do something in return. Help someone first and they’re likely to help you in return.

  • Mistake. I see marketers blow this one all the time. They encourage people to give a free gift after someone does something like sign up for a newsletter. That’s not reciprocity, that’s offering a reward as inducement and there’s a big difference.
  • Solution. Encourage people to take advantage of a free offer then, after they’ve done so, you can ask for something in return. “I hope you enjoy the free article! In fact, I hope you enjoy it so much you’ll want to sign up for our newsletter to learn even more. Click here to do so.”

Consensus

Humans are pack animals. Over the course of history, we’ve learned there’s safety in numbers and “everyone can’t be wrong.” Generally, it works well for us to follow the crowd.

  • Mistake. Thinking highlighting a big number is all that’s needed. For example, telling incoming college freshman 65% of students cheat (I made that up) in order to highlight the problem only encourages more cheating, making the problem worse.
  • Solution. Think about the behavior you want then emphasize stats that will encourage the desirable behavior. “College cheating has been on the decline each of the last five years,” would be a good message to encourage less cheating and get the behavior you’re hoping for.

Authority

People will listen to perceived experts, and follow their advice, far more often than they will someone whom they know nothing about.

  • Mistake. Don’t wait until the end of your talk or meeting to highlight your expertise. By that time people may have tuned you out.
  • Solution. Whether it’s a presentation or running a meeting, let people know your credentials up front. If possible, have someone introduce you for even more credibility. This approach causes people to listen more closely early on and likely throughout your presentation.

Consistency

People tend to feel better about themselves when their words and deeds match. As little pleasure seekers and pain avoiders this is a powerful principle.

  • Mistake. Too many people tell others what to do and think they’ve engaged the principle of consistency. When you tell someone what to do you’ve not triggered the psychology of wanting word and deed to match.
  • Solution. Stop telling people what to do and start asking. When you ask and someone says “Yes” they’re far more likely to follow through on their word because they don’t want to feel bad and look bad.

Scarcity

It’s a natural human tendency to want we can’t have or whatever might be going away. We hate the thought of having missed out on something.

  • Mistake. Manufacturing false scarcity will hurt your credibility. Don’t use the worn out line, “If you sign today I can save you 15% but I can’t offer you this deal after today.” Seldom is that true and people have learned to see through it.
  • Solution. If scarcity isn’t available, don’t manufacture it. If it is naturally available use it but don’t come across in a fear mongering, scare tactic way. “I’d hate for you to miss out on this opportunity,” is more effective than, “You really should take advantage of this deal.” It’s a subtle difference that can make all the difference.

BONUS! Compare and Contrast

Compare and contrast isn’t actually one of the 7 principles of influence. It’s a psychological concept that’s always available because people are always making comparisons. Knowing this, it deserves mention.

  • Mistake. Too often people make the wrong comparison. In sales this happens when people try to “upsell” customers. The problem is, once you’ve seen a low number it becomes an anchor and all other numbers seem bigger by comparison as you try to upsell. Not exactly what you want when trying to close a sale.
  • Solution. Present your best solution, product or service first. You never know, the other person might just say yes. If they don’t, you have options to retreat to and when you do so, the price on those options looks better by comparison.

Conclusion

The principles of influence describe how people typically think and behave. Consider them communication tools and, like any tool, they’re only as good as the person who wields it. You may know how to use a saw and hammer but that doesn’t make you a carpenter. The same goes with the principles. Knowing and wielding them correctly (and ethically) are two different things.

To Do This Week

  1. Give these mistakes thought.
  2. Ask yourself if you’ve made any of these mistakes.
  3. Commit to keep learning and growing.

Do those three things and you will have more people saying yes to you more often.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence and persuasion.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 90,000 people around the world!

“The Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself.”

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Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32nd President of the United States, uttered those words in 1932, during his first inaugural address. The American people were scared because of the stock market crash and subsequent depression. When FDR spoke, it didn’t look like things were going to get better any time soon. It strikes me that we’re at a similar crossroad in terms of national fear and it started last week.

Coronavirus

The spread of the coronavirus has grabbed headlines around the word. As of February 27, according to CNN.com there were more than 82,000 reported cases of the virus worldwide and the deaths attributed to it were estimated to be 2,800.

Did you know the death toll from influenza was nearly 100,000 over the last two years? And that was only in the United States, according to the Center for Disease Control. Total deaths over the last nine years have been approximately 335,000 in the U.S.!

Compare that to 1918, when the Spanish Flu pandemic touched the lives of almost 1/3rd of the world’s population, killing an estimated 700,000 Americans, and 20-50 million people worldwide. Wow!

Stock Market Free Fall

On February 12, the stock market was at 29,550 but fell to 25,409 by the close of trading on February 28 (Yahoo Finance). Last week was the worst week for the stock market since 2008. Ouch! That hurts a lot of people – not just millionaires and billionaires – because of the all the retirement savings invested in the markets.

Given the comparatively small death toll at this point, why is there so much panic in the markets? Here are a number of issues:

  1. Connected world. Even though the vast majority of the coronavirus cases are in China, a tremendous amount of goods for the global supply chain come from China. Without those goods, manufacturing around the world slows down followed by sales and profits.
  2. Reduced travel. As people become more afraid they travel less which hurts a huge part of the global economy including hotels, cruises, airlines and all the businesses that benefit from tourism and business travel.
  3. Instant news. Decades ago we’d find out what the market did when we turned on the nightly news. Now you can literally see the stock market change second by second on some news channels and apps. Watching those numbers all day long is not good for your stress level or investment strategy.
  4. Easy transmission. Because we can be almost anywhere in the world within 24 hours, viruses and disease spread faster than ever. That adds to the fear that this virus could make its way across the globe very quickly.

The Biggest Issue

Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman said, “Nothing is as important as you think it is, while you’re thinking about it.” When our limited attention gets focused on whatever is front and center for us, we cannot see the forest for the trees. We lose perspective and in the process our decision making suffers.

Right now, with the 24×7 news cycle and availability of instant updates our attention is focused on the coronavirus and its potential health and economic affects more than ever. You can’t turn on any news or financial station without the coronavirus dominating everything. People in tunnel vision gripped by fear and doubt usually don’t make wise decisions. In essence, we often compound our own problems and fears.

Conclusion

Roosevelt was right in many respects. We can become our biggest enemies when we let our fears dominate our thoughts and actions. It’s only natural because our brains are wired for survival. However, just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s always most optimal.

To Do This Week

  1. Take a break from the news. The story hardly changes hour to hour, morning to night, and day to day so why hype yourself up with anxiety?
  2. Don’t’ keep looking at the stock market. You can’t change it so it might depress you in the short term. Remember, it has always bounced back so why wouldn’t you trust that it will again?
  3. Keep the numbers in perspective. We don’t know how this will play out but I’m comforted by the fact that we have so many more medical resources, financial resources and technology at our disposal than the world did in 1918.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, international trainer, coach and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the planet on the science of ethical influence and persuasion.

Brian’s book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was a top 10 selling Amazon book in several insurance categories and top 50 in sales & selling. His LinkedIn Learning courses on sales and coaching have been viewed by more than 90,000 people around the world!