Robert Cialdini, Friend and Mentor

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This week I’d like to highlight my friend and mentor, Robert Cialdini, Ph.D. I won’t go into details on how I came to know Cialdini because I shared that story last year in a post I called My Chance Encounter with Robert Cialdini.

Cialdini has been associated with the psychology department at Arizona State University for more than three decades and helped the department receive world-wide recognition. On Cialdini’s recent birthday the ASU psychology department released a video to thank him and his wife Bobette for their generous donation “to help push ASU psychology forward as a national leader.”

You need to understand when it comes to this field of study Cialdini is a rock star! In fact, he’s the most cited living social psychologist in the world when it comes to the science of influence and persuasion. His books Influence Science and Practice and Pre-suasion are both New York Times best-sellers. He also co-authored Yes: 50 Scientifically Ways to be Persuasive and The Small Big. If you want to understand how to ethically move people to action these four books are must reads because they’re the gold standard when it comes to influence and persuasion.

For all his fame and the pull he must feel from people, he’s always been generous with me when it comes to his time. On many occasions over the past 15 years I’ve had the privilege of dining with him alone or in small groups. I always walk away having learned new things and brimming with fresh ideas to try. I’ll never forget the dinner we shared eight years ago as my daughter Abigail was getting ready to go to high school because he gave me some valuable advice.

For my part, I’ve always tried to encourage Cialdini with stories from the field as I look to implement his life’s work at State Auto Insurance and through my company Influence PEOPLE. I recall one dinner where my boss, John Petrucci, and I told him some things we were doing at State Auto with regard to the principles of influence. As we talked Cialdini had a wide smile, his eyes grew larger and he leaned in to listen. It was so apparent he was genuinely excited to find out how his work was being use in the real world. That genuine enthusiasm plus his stance on ethics are what made me want to be associated with him and his team at INFLUENCE AT WORK.

I hope you’ll join me in wishing him a belated happy birthday and to give thanks for his generous donation to ASU so they can build on his work and continue to help us learn how to ethically influence the world.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE and Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed nearly 130,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

Speak Metaphorically to Influence Literally

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Speaking metaphorically can help you influence people, literally. This post was inspired by the Ted Talk Metaphorically Speaking from James Geary.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary a metaphor is “a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them.”

He is my personal example of a metaphor. Several weeks ago, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg was called before Congress because of the impact Facebook, fake news, and user data may have played into the 2016 presidential election. As our elected officials tried to grill Zuckerberg it was apparent they had little to no knowledge of how Facebook and other social media outlets operate. In response to this fiasco I post the following on a few social media sites:

“Imagine horse owners in 1910 grilling Henry Ford about car accidents and you have a picture of what happened the other day.”

People understood exactly what I meant right away. What would the impact on the newly formed auto industry have been if congressmen who rode horses ignorantly questioned Henry Ford about the dangers of automobiles? We might still be using the horse and buggy to get to work or at least set technology back many years if not decades!

For the most part people think in pictures, not words. When I mention an elephant it’s highly unlikely you’ll think “E-L-E-P-H-A-N-T.” Instead you probably have an image in mind. For some people it’s a big African elephant with huge tusks. Others might envision the smaller Asian elephant used in some Indian Jones movies. And other people pictured a cute baby elephant like the one in the movie Dumbo. No matter how people think of an elephant, we all use pictures in our mind’s eye and would likely agree on what an elephant is, despite minor differences.

Metaphors can take a complex subject and immediately make it understandable for most people. I’d guess if you didn’t see any of the Zuckerberg – Congress interaction you got a pretty good idea of what happened based on my 22-word description.

When Steve Jobs wanted people to grasp what a computer could do for them he said the computer was like “a bicycle for the mind.” Bicycles are easy to use and make us much more efficient in getting from one place to another. Most people, upon hearing Jobs, probably thought, “Yea, I get it.”

Much of persuasion is about taking the complex, simplifying it then communicating with people in a way that gets them to say “Yes” and take action. Next time you need to share something complex, don’t talk in technical terms, think about the proper metaphor to share and you’ll increase your odds of success. In other words, speak metaphorically to influence literally.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLEand Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed nearly 130,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

Don’t Stop Believin’ You can Influence People

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Don’t Stop Believin’ by the 80s rock band Journey is one of the best-known songs of all time. It’s not that the song is musically distinct, it’s because the lyrics are easy to remember and it’s encouraging when everything seems to be going against you. Misuse “don’t” and you might hinder your ability to influence people.

“Don’t” is an interesting word. I think about amateur golfers who come up to a hole with water.  When I ask them what they think about as they get ready to play the hole it’s almost always, “Don’t go in the water.” And where do they end up all too often? In the water! Why would that happen when they’re so focused on not ending up in there? Let’s take a quick look at your brain to answer the question.

Your brain is like the engine of your car. The engine is what makes your car go. I bet you know how to drive but probably have very little knowledge about how the engine actually works. The same could be said of your brain. It’s your engine, driving your behavior, but if you’re like most people you probably don’t understand much about how your brain functions even though you use it every day.

Here’s some insight – your brain does not focus on the “don’t” but it does focus on the object that follows. There was a classic episode in the television show Frasier that perfectly illustrated this. Frasier and his younger brother Niles were intellectuals and both grew up to become psychiatrists. As nerdy kids all they did was study so they never learned to ride bikes. As adults they decided it was time to figure out how to pedal a two-wheeler for fun and exercise. Frasier was afraid of running certain objects so he’d make sure to keep an eye on them so he could steer clear. What do you think happened? He’d run into whatever he kept his eye on every time! He was like a moth drawn to a flame.

I experienced this phenomenon firsthand when I began running many years ago. If I saw a rock in the road I’d keep my eye on it so I wouldn’t step on it. You know where this is going – I stepped on a lot of rocks until I realized what was happening!

I share this because when you’re trying to change someone’s behavior, trying to influence people, quite often you want them to stop doing something. Whatever captures our attention commands our focus so when you tell someone “Don’t…” all too often they forget the “don’t” and end up focusing on the thing you wanted them to stop! For example, if I tell you, “Don’t think of an elephant,” I’m sure you briefly thought of an elephant.

The better strategy is to redirect a person’s focus to something you want them to do. The golfer who sees water on the right side of the fairway should make it their focus to hit the ball to the left. It’s not a guarantee they won’t end up in the water but it’s a sure bet they’ll end up in the drink a lot less.

One area we really miss the mark when it comes to this psychology is texting and driving. Accidents due to texting and driving has become an epidemic. In addition to damaged vehicles, injuries and deaths, it has a big impact on the insurance rates you pay, even if you’re a good driver. Driverless cars will help alleviate this problem but having roads full of driverless cars may be decades away. We cannot afford to wait that long because too many lives will be lost in the meantime. When we say, “Don’t text and drive” we’re setting up too many people to focus on “text and drive.” We need to direct people’s attention to what we need them to do – pay attention to the road so everyone is safe.

Here are some examples of rephrasing:

  • Instead of telling your teenager, “Don’t stay out past midnight,” tell him or her, “Be home by 11:45.”
  • When talking to an employee avoid, “Don’t be late with the report,” and instead say, “Make sure you get me the report by Wednesday.”
  • If it’s operating a car replace, “Don’t text and drive,” with “Always keep your eyes on the road.”

Having shared all this I should point out there might be times when you use “don’t” before an object because you want the other person focused on the object. That’s what Journey did with Don’t Stop Believin’. “Don’t stop” is a double negative so the words cancel each other out leaving you to focus on believin’ which is exactly what you want. In my industry we won’t stop believin’ that we can influence people to change driver behavior in order to save lives and heartache.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE and Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed nearly 130,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

The Power of Moments

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Ever since reading Made to Stick I’ve been a fan of authors Chip and Dan Heath. I read their follow up books Switch, Decisive and most recently The Power of Moments. As you might expect, I was very excited when I learned Dan Heath was going to be a keynote speaker at the Chief Learning Officer Symposium I attended a few weeks ago. Dan didn’t disappoint and everyone in attendance was given a copy of The Power of Moments.

My quick synopsis of the book is this: We know there are special moments in life that stand out from the rest and it turns out they’re not random. Chip and Dan have spent a good bit of time studying why some moments mean more than others. In the book they give readers ideas they can use to create their own powerful moments. They explore moments of elevation, insight, pride and connection. I encourage you to pick up a copy because you’ll get ideas on ways you can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary.

After hearing Dan speak I had the opportunity to briefly meet him. All of this made me reflect on the power of moments in my life. I’ll share a few that really stand out.

Getting Engaged

When I asked Jane to marry me I did so on her 23rd birthday. Because it was her birthday she thought the dozen roses I sent to work were just a gift. Of course, getting roses in front of coworkers scored me some brownie points. Later that day I showed up at her apartment with a bottle of wine and another dozen roses. Another surprise was the chauffeuered 1963 Silver Cloud Rolls Royce I hired to take us to dinner that evening. It was later that night, in the back of the Rolls Royce that I asked her to marry me and as they say, “The rest is history.”

52nd Birthday

Milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50, etc.) are usually memorable because quite often then involve parties. For Jane’s 50th birthday I gave her (us) improv lessons which were a blast. But for her 52nd birthday I had my most creative and challenging idea ever. To commemorate 52, it occurred to me that there are 52 weeks in a year. With that in mind I decided to give Jane a gift a week for an entire year. It turned out to be great for three reasons:

  • It gave Jane something to look forward to every week.
  • I learned more about her because I had to pay close attention to her likes, dislikes and needs.
  • I spent more time with our daughter Abigail because she helped me pick out many of the gifts.

Special Day

Abigail is our only child. We would have loved to have more but it wasn’t in the cards for us. To tangibly show Abigail how much we love her we started a tradition we call “Special Day” when she was just a year old. This is a day we choose at random each year where we surprise her with gifts and plan the whole day around her. When she was little it might have been lunch at McDonalds, a Disney movie and cupcakes later that night. As she grew up it was horseback riding, plays, shopping sprees and other fun activities. To Abigail’s knowledge, none of her friends growing up had anything like a special day so it really continues to make her feel special.

Abigail’s Birth

One last occasion I’ll mention is Abigail’s birth. We tried for years to have kids but to no avail. When she finally arrived, she was an answer to many, many prayers. Within days of her birth I wrote a letter to her detailing the events leading up to her arrival in the world to let her know how loved and wanted she was. It was also my desire to give her to have a strong sense of how evident God was throughout the whole process. When she was 12 years old she was struggling with some identity issues so I gave her the letter. It was a powerful moment for her because she’s read it many times over the years and often asks questions about the events surrounding her birth.

I was fortunate that long before reading The Power of Moments I was creating powerful moments for my family that have influenced our relationships in very positive ways. The same opportunity exists for you. If you’re not sure where to start or what to do pick up a copy of The Power of Moments and you’ll learn everything you’ll need to know to create your own powerful moments.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE and Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed more than 125,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

TEAM = Together Everyone Accomplishes More

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While in Florida for the Chief Learning Officer Symposium last week I caught some of the women’s March Madness tournament. I watched the UConn – South Carolina game where UConn operated like a well oiled machine, winning 94 to 65.

Some quick facts about the lady huskies dynasty from their Wikipedia page:

  • They’ve won 11 NCAA titles, including four in a row from 2013-2016
  • They were 36-0 the season until they lost to Notre Dame last Friday.
  • They’ve won 90 and 111 games in a row over two different winning streaks!
  • Coach Geno Auriemma has won nearly 90% of his games (1027-136) since taking over the program in 1985.

The only other basketball program that comes close to UConn’s success are the UCLA Bruins men’s basketball teams under legendary coach John Wooden in the 1960s and 70s.

As I watched the game I was in awe of how well UConn played. I’m a casual basketball fan but it was apparent how much:

  • More they hustled up and down the court
  • More every player was fully engaged in the game, even when the action was away from them
  • Better and crisper their passing was
  • More confident they were in taking shots

I could go on and on but you get the picture. They were the epitome of team – together everyone accomplishes more. UConn didn’t appear to have a star player was overly dominant. Rather, it was how they were coached and how they responded to their coach. The players believe in Geno and his approach to the game and it shows in their actions. Even when they were up by 20 and 30 points you could see Geno’s displeasure when they made a mistake, especially mental mistakes.

While some coaches might blow it off if their team was hammering the opponent but not Geno. He knows the “little” things, like giving up an easy bucket, matter if they’re not addressed and corrected. Why? Practice doesn’t make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect. He didn’t rant or rave but his displeasure was evident and you got the distinct impression his players didn’t like letting him down. The result of his approach is they never take their foot off the gas. It’s not about embarrassing the other team, it’s about playing to their capability at all times.

I encourage you to watch UConn play and keep an eye on Geno because there are lots of lessons to be learned about leadership, coaching, persuasion and teamwork. They may have come up short this year in the final four but with a 223-7 record and four national titles the last six years there’s no disputing UConn is the premier program in the country. Much like it was Tiger versus the field in golf tournaments when Tiger was at his peak; every year it’s all the women’s teams trying to knock off the UConn lady huskies.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE and Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed more than 125,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

Our Brains, Evolution and Principles that Persuade

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As I prepared to speak at the Chief Learning Officer Symposium this week I found myself continually referring to our brains, evolution and the principles that persuade. Each of Robert Cialdini’s “principles of persuasion” have their roots in the evolution of the human species. When it comes to evolution two powerful drivers of your brain are: 1) survival and 2) procreate. If human history is to continue we must keep on living and we must keep on reproducing. The principles of persuasion are very good at helping us make choices that put us in better positions to survive. Let’s take a look at each so you understand what I mean.

Reciprocity

This principle says we feel obligated to give back to those who first give to us. As a species we’ve come to realize we can accomplish far more together than alone. When someone helps you and you return the favor both parties win.

This rule we live by is so ingrained that social psychologist agree, all human societies raise their people with this rule. Doubt that? I’m willing to be some of the first words your parents taught were “Thank you.” Someone did something nice for you and they whispered in your ear, “What do you say?” And you were condition from that point forward that you were expected to do something in return when someone first did something for you.

Liking

It’s easier for us to say “Yes” to those we know and like. That’s how we define the rule of liking. This is so commonplace you might be thinking, “Well, duh!” If we go back tens of thousands of years life was very hard and dangerous. Society wasn’t like it is today and people were not connected as we have been in recent centuries. It was a sure bet humans were leery of people who didn’t look like them, act like them or talk like them. But, when someone was similar that probably meant they were friend, not foe.

Today it’s still the case that it’s much easier for us to follow the lead of someone who is similar to us than dissimilar. Of course, we don’t go simply on looks and speech. If we learn someone has similar interests it’s naturally easier for us to go along with what they might ask because we naturally like them more than people we don’t know.

Authority

Humans evolved in tribes and just as is the case in most of the animal kingdom, there are always leaders and followers in groups. Over history we’ve looked to those who possessed superior wisdom for guidance on what to do. Following the leader usually increased the odds for survival for members of the tribe.

Today, when we make decisions we still look to people we consider to be wise, those who are experts. Why? Because we’ve learned experts typically help us make better decisions. You may turn to a CPA before April 15h because CPAs know how to do your taxes better than you. It’s almost a sure bet you see a doctor from time to time because a doctor can give you advice on how to live a healthier lifestyle. None of us is immune to the advice of an expert.

Consensus

This principle tells us we look to others to see how we should behave in certain situations. Consider ancient history again. When we lived in tribes we knew our odds of survival we better off in groups. If the tribe started running you would have run too because if you didn’t you’d be left to fend for yourself. You’ve heard the phrase, “There’s safety in numbers.”

This instinct still holds true today in great measure. Our brains are wired to give great weight to what other people are doing. And just as in times long, long ago, our willingness to follow the lead of others is heightened when we’re unsure what to do.

Consistency

Have you ever given your word to a friend then failed to follow through? If you did I bet you felt bad and perhaps a little embarrassed. Those feelings arose because of the principle of consistency which alerts us to this reality; we feel internal psychological pressure and external social pressure to be consistent in what we say and do.

We’ve come to rely on people keeping their word. The ability to depend on someone helps create trust and allows us freedoms that would not exist otherwise. For example, when someone tells you they’ll get you a report you can turn your attention to other tasks that demand your attention. Going back in time, people keeping their word, or failing to, could have been the difference between life and death. That’s why we feel bad, and look bad to others, when we fail to do what we said we would do.

Scarcity

The rule of the rare. According to this principle we value things more when they’re rare or diminishing. Dig further into the psychology and you’ll see that humans are much more driven to avoid loss than they are to gain the same thing. Daniel Kahneman, a psychologist, won the Nobel Prize in economics for his work on loss aversion. He and his late partner Amos Tversky statistically proved humans feel the pain of loss anywhere from 2.0-2.5 times more than the joy of gaining the same thing.

Social psychologists theorize that the brain is more sensitive to lose because, while having an abundance would have been nice, not having enough could have meant death. In other words, we’re hardwired to be especially sensitive to loss.

Unity

This seventh principle of influence was introduced by Robert Cialdini in 2016. You can sum up unity this way; we is me. There are some groups we so closely identify with (family or being part of a group like the Marines) that they supersede all other relationships. We self-identify with people who are part of these groups on a level that’s much, much deeper than mere liking or friendship.

These are the closest relationships and as such, over time we knew people in these groups would come to our aid and we would come to their aid. These are the relationships we could depend on for survival.

Conclusion

I hope you have a better sense of why the principles of influence have such a powerful impact on our thinking and behavior. No one principle gets everyone to do what you want all the time. However, the seven decades of research are undeniable about this – each principle affects every human being to one degree or another. If you tap into the principles correctly and ethically it’s a sure bet more people will say yes to you more often and that will lead to more professional success and personal happiness.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE and Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed more than 125,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

Overcoming Youth or Inexperience in Business

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Recently I was on LinkedIn and saw a question about overcoming youth and/or inexperience in business. When I think I can add to a conversation I’ll usually chime in and did so in this case.

The person who was seeking guidance was fresh out of college and decided to pursue her master’s degree while working full time in a managerial role. Because of her age and inexperience she ran into resistance to her ideas and suggestions. She said it got so bad they brought in a more experienced professional who told the staff exactly what she’d been saying all along. She recognized those same suggestions carried more weight coming from the experienced professional. Bottom line, she wanted to know how young, or inexperienced, managers can overcome the lack of trust and respect from older, more experienced coworkers.

The scenario is a familiar one and perhaps one you’ve faced it or might in the future. With that thought in mind, I decided to share with you the advice I gave to this young lady on LinkedIn.

The good news is, there are several ways to potentially youth or inexperience. The first comes from Robert Cialdini. Cialdini is the most cited living social psychologist in the world when it comes to persuasion and according to his research the principle of authority is what’s needed here if you want to gain traction for your ideas and suggestions.

This principle of influence tells us people will defer to those with superior wisdom or expertise when making decisions. That’s because we generally feel more confident when an authority tells us something. In order to be seen as an authority you need two traits: trust and credibility.

Trust comes from being the kind of person who keeps your word. When you consistently do what you say people believe you. That belief extended into the future is trust.

Credibility is established when you show you know what you’re doing. Credibility can come from your own expertise or you can borrow it. When you’re young or inexperienced you probably won’t be seen as an expert so the next best thing is borrowing expertise by citing sources. When you share ideas, cite people who are experts who believe in the same approach. You should also share research that backs up your suggestions about what should be done. Quite often those two things – trust and credibility – can be the difference between buy-in or rejection of your ideas.

A second approach comes from Focus 3, a leadership firm. Focus 3 views trust as the foundation to getting results in business.  In their view trust is comprised of three things: connection, competence and character. All three are necessary for trust and strength in one area won’t necessarily make up for weakness in another area.

Character, as already noted, is being someone who can be counted on to be a person of integrity. Do you keep your word? Do you act consistently with people? Are you believable? The good news is being a person of character is simply a choice you make to do what you say you’ll do.

Connection is the relationship you have with people and it’s a two-way street. The more people know and like you the more they’ll respond positively to you. When people know you like them they naturally assume you’ll have their best interests at heart which make is even easier for them to do what you ask. Cialdini calls this the principle of liking.

Competence is your ability to make others better and provide the help they need. This doesn’t mean you’re better than the people you manage. On the contrary, those you lead are probably much better at their job than you would be if you did it and that’s okay! As a leader your primary role is to take what you know and use it to help make your team better.

Mastery of character, connection and competence will help you gain the trust you need to lead a team.

Finally, address your age or inexperience quickly. You might say, “I know I’m new here but I see that as an advantage because I’m not constrained by how things have always been done.”

Another approach might be, “I know some of you are looking at me wondering what someone like me can bring to the table because I’m young. There are certainly things I won’t know but something that I’ve learned is that many great ideas have come from people while they were young because they saw things from a fresh perspective. Einstein, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs are great examples.”

The point in addressing age or experience is to acknowledge it early, then transition with a word like “but” or “however” into your strengths. Doing so gains you credibility because you’re seen as trustworthy when you own up to weakness. The good news is people usually forget what comes before “but” and that keeps them more focused on your strengths and how you can help them.

Persuasion isn’t a magic wand. Doing what I’ve listed above is no guarantee everyone who reports to you will overlook your youth or inexperience and fall in line. But, I’m confident you’ll see more people give you the trust and respect you’re looking for because decades of research show that to be the case with the approaches I’ve outlined.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE and Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed more than 125,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

Consistency Trumps Intensity Almost Every Time

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I came across a wonderful short video from vimeo featuring Simon Sinek. In the span of three minutes Sinek laid out why consistency trumps intensity almost every time when it comes to the most important things in life. I encourage you to invest a few minutes right now to watch the video.

I agree with Simon’s message because I’ve personally seen the results. Having run several marathons and competing in bodybuilding right after college I can attest to the fact that no one workout makes or breaks you. And neither does any one meal. It was the accumulated effect of training and heathy eating that always had me ready to compete.

When it comes to mastering persuasion consistency also trumps intensity. Reading a book like Influence Science and Practice by Robert Cialdini is a good start but it’s not enough. Going to the two-day Principles of Persuasion workshop is a very good investment of your time but it’s not enough either.

In his best-selling book To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others Daniel Pink cited a study of more than 7,000 workers in the United States and found, “People are now spending about 40 percent of their time at work engaged in non-sales selling—persuading, influencing, and convincing others in ways that don’t involve anyone making a purchase.” That means the average worker spends more than three hours a day trying to persuade people to do things!

Pink went on to write, “People consider this aspect of their work crucial to their professional success—even in excess of the considerable amount of time they devote to it.”

Persuasion is like health and fitness. Mastering persuasion can make a big difference in the quality of your life. I’m a firm believer that much of your professional success and personal happiness depends on your ability to effectively and ethically influence people. And just like health, you won’t achieve professional or personal goals by reading a book or just attending a workshop. It requires consistency of time and effort.

At State Auto Insurance I’ve seen the results of consistency firsthand. Insurance agents who’ve attended our Principles of Persuasive Selling workshop the past two years saw their agency sales increase 14.8% in the three months immediately following the workshop! This is about 20 points better than the average of the rest of our agency force! Why such good, immediate success? Because agents who attend the workshop are encouraged to follow up the training by reading Cialdini’s book, taking advantage of one-on-one coaching with me, and they’re given resources (including this blog) to reinforce their learning. All of these keep ethical influence front and center for them so they’re continually looking for ways to apply what they learned.

Whether you’re in business, a stay at home parent, a coach or in any other role, it’s a good bet that your life will be easier, happier and more successful if you understand how to engage people based on the science and research behind the persuasion process. Keep reading this blog because it will feed your persuasion soul weekly. A great next step would be to pick up a copy of Influence Science and Practice. And finally, consider attending a workshop for hands on in-depth training. Doing all three will lead you to mastery of persuasion in time.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE and Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed more than 120,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

Choices, Books and People Define Who You Become

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Last week I was reminded that the choices I make, the books I read and the people I associate with have a huge impact on who I’ve become. And those same things impact who you are and who you will become.

I was reminded of this when hosted a podcast for the first time. At State Auto Insurance we decided to start our own sales podcast we’re calling “Everybody Sells State Auto” or “ESSA” for short. It will be a learning opportunity for our field sales people during their drive time.

For the initial podcast I had the privilege of interviewing a longtime friend, coworker and boss, John Petrucci. John is the Senior Vice President of Customer Service at State Auto and came up with the ESSA slogan many years ago. Because of that, and his impending retirement at the end of the year, I thought it fitting to have him as our first guest.

During our hour-long conversation he shared this nugget of wisdom: You’re who you are because of the choices you’ve made over the course of your life. He went on to say the two choices that probably define you more than anything else are the people you associate with and the books you read. That’s sound advice worth exploring a little further.

Choices

When it comes to choices it’s tempting to think they don’t really define you because so many things happen that are outside of your control. It’s certainly true that you may have no control over some events but you do control how you respond to those events.

If you only focus on the fact that events are outside your control you’ll probably feel helpless, like a victim. Or, you can make thoughtful responses to the events of life in hopes of achieving the outcomes you desire. Does the death of a loved one, loss of a job, cancer or some other tragic event define you or will you make choices to define yourself? Viktor Frankl learned this lesson during his incarceration in Nazi concentration camps. He came to realize that people always retain the freedom to choose and therefore each of us can define our purpose and life.

People

You may have heard your parents warn you against associating with the wrong crowd growing up. They might have said, “You’ll be known by the company you keep.” They understood if you hung out with the wrong crowd you were likely to be lumped in with that group no matter how you behaved. It’s called guilt by association and right or wrong it happens.

As an adult are you spending time with people who will make you better? That doesn’t mean only associating with people who are better off than you are. It could be helping someone not as fortunate as yourself. Serving others might increase your appreciation for what you have and help you grow as a person.

On the other hand, it’s always a good idea to seek out people who are succeeding in life personally and professionally. By observing people who are doing well you’ll get ideas you can apply in your life to increase your odds of success. Experience may be the best teacher but you don’t need to fail if you can learn from others experienes. This approach will speed up your learning process while avoiding some costly mistakes.

Books

Last year I wrote about 5 Books that Radically Influence My Life. The article struck a chord with people because it was the most read blog post I’ve ever written. Beyond that handful of books, nearly every other book I’ve read has had some impact on me just as each meal or workout adds to my health and wellness.

Food feeds the body and reading feeds the mind! What are you feeding your mind with on a regular basis? There are so many benefits to learning through reading but I’d like to point out just one – developing your uniqueness.

You and I can read the same books but based on your prior experiences, current job and unique viewpoints you’re likely to draw different conclusions and come up with different ideas from just about anyone else. In other words, what you take in will help stimulate your thinking and growth which will make you uniquely you.

Conclusion

This week I encourage you to take time to reflect on who you’ve become. Give thought to the decisions that have led you to where you are today. As you contemplate the future think about who you want to become. What people and books can help you achieve the future you? If you do that and take the necessary actions you’ll become the person you aspire to be.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE and Learning Director at State Auto Insurance. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed more than 120,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it and you’ll learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.

What Do You Want Them to Remember?

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A few weeks ago, I finished a book called Endure: Mind, Body, and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance by Alex Hutchinson and Malcolm Gladwell. Having run many marathons in the past, and still running six or seven days a week, I’m always interested to learn tips that can help improve my performance. This post isn’t about improving running performance but if you remember what I share it will help you improve your persuasion performance.

As a persuader, one question you need to ask yourself when giving a presentation or sharing information is, “What do I want them to remember?” This jumped out at me as I read the following paragraph from Endure:

“Personally, my gut instinct is to hope that anti-doping authorities proactively ban the technique before it becomes widespread, simply because I’m uncomfortable with imagining my sixteen-year-old self, desperate for any athletic edge, playing around with scalp-mounted electrodes. But I fully understand that others might disagree with banning an apparently safe and noninvasive way of boosting performance.”

Did you catch the subtlety? Alex was a competitive runner for many years and clearly opens with his desire to ban electronic brain stimulation to enhance performance while acknowledging the other side of the debate.

A master persuader would have remembered that people generally forget what comes before “but” and focus on what comes after. Just think of this phrase and you’ll know what I mean, “Honey, I love you but…” You tend to forget the “I love you” and focus on what comes next which is never as nice as love.

If Alex really wanted to drive home his point he should have written the paragraph the following way:

“I fully understand that others might disagree with banning an apparently safe and noninvasive way of boosting performance but personally, my gut instinct is to hope that anti-doping authorities proactively ban the technique before it becomes widespread, simply because I’m uncomfortable with imagining my sixteen-year-old self, desperate for any athletic edge, playing around with scalp-mounted electrodes.”

This rearranged paragraph starts out acknowledging the other side of the argument but ends with the desire to ban the practice. Does it seem like I’m knit picking? Does the order of a few words really matter that much? Consider these two paragraphs:

  1. “The impact of your donation has never been greater than it is today, but we know how difficult it is for many people to give during these difficult economic times.”
  2. “We know how difficult it is for many people to give during these difficult economic times, but the impact of your donation has never been greater than it is today.”

Both paragraphs use exactly the same words. The first paragraph leaves you focused on the difficulty of giving whereas the second ends with you focusing on the importance of your donation. In this real-life comparison the second paragraph drew 36% more donations than the first paragraph!

Most people wouldn’t notice the difference in the order of words until it’s pointed out. However, that subtle difference still registers in the back of the mind because so much persuasion takes place at the subconscious level. This is a small, costless change that can lead to a big difference in your ability to successfully persuade.

The goal of Endure is much bigger than persuading or not persuading people to try brain stimulation as a performance enhancer. But words matter and, in this case, the author would have done well to carefully consider what he wanted people to remember. Indeed, you and I would do well to carefully think through what we want people to remember when we’re communicating. The use of transitional words like “but” and “however” can make a huge difference if the information you share is positioned correctly.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®, is the Chief Influence Officer at InfluencePEOPLE. His Lynda.com course, Persuasive Selling, has been viewed more than 120,000 times! Have you seen it yet? Watch it to learn how to ethically engage the psychology of persuasion throughout the sales process.