The Psychology of the Sales Cycle – Overview

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Selling, like most endeavors you want to succeed at in life, requires a disciplined process, sharp skills, and good planning. Just as there are specific sales skills that need to be honed through continuous learning and practice there are parts of the sales cycle that require attention and planning. Sharpening your sales skills and refining your sales process are great ways to ensure success over the long haul.

I will be devoting a series of nine posts to exploring the sales cycle, looking at which principles of influence are most appropriate to focus on at different points in the cycle. My goal for this series is to help you understand how to get the most “bang for the buck” when you’re selling.

Let’s start with the sales cycle. Other sales trainers may combine some of these steps and in some businesses the cycle might look a little different. I see the typical sales cycle as an 8-step process, which includes the following sequence:

  1. Prospecting – Looking for new potential customers or clients.
  2. Initial Meeting – The first contact with a prospect.
  3. Qualification – Fact finding sessions primarily designed to assess whether or not you can – or want to – do business with the prospect.
  4. Presentation – Presenting your service or demonstrating your product to the prospect to show him or her how it meets some need they have.
  5. Objections – Dealing with reasons the prospect might bring up that indicate a hesitancy to move forward.
  6. Negotiating – Potentially altering pricing, terms and/or other aspects of your product or service in order to reach a final agreement.
  7. Closing – Getting the prospect to agree to do business with you and your organization.
  8. Referrals – Getting the names of people or organizations you can approach using the client’s name as a lead-in.

The six principles of influence, as popularized by Robert Cialdini, we’ll look at in conjunction with the sales cycle are:

  1. Liking – We prefer to do business with people we know and like.
  2. Reciprocity – We feel obligated to give back to those who first give to us.
  3. Consensus – We look to others to see how we should behave in certain situations.
  4. Authority – We often defer to those with superior knowledge or wisdom (i.e., experts) when making decisions.
  5. Consistency – We feel internal psychological pressure and external social pressure to be consistent in what we say and do.
  6. Scarcity – We desire things more when we believe they are rare or diminishing.

Another psychological concept that will come into play throughout the series is the contrast phenomenon. This isn’t a principle of influence but is a psychological concept that works in conjunction with the principles of influence at different times. Contrast, sometimes known as “compare and contrast,” alerts us to the reality that two things will appear “more” different depending on what was presented first.

I encourage you to stay tuned because if you do, your ability to sell, and getting to yes, will be much easier when you add the science of influence into your sales approach. Next week we’ll start with prospecting.

Influencers from Around the World – Three Lessons from Arnold

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This month our “Influencers from Around the
World” post comes from Marco Germani. Marco is a native of Italy, originally
hailing from Rome. He’s been a fan of influence for decades and wrote a book on
the subject in Italian. The father of two youngsters, he now gets to apply his
influence skills outside of his business pursuits. I’m sure you’ll enjoy his
post on lessons he’s learned from Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 
Three Lessons from Arnold
I have recently given a second go at the
spectacular Arnold Schwarzenegger’s biography, Total Recall – The Truly Unbelievable Story of My Life, which
didn’t fail to impress and inspire me, as it already did last year when I first
read it. You may or may not  like the man,
but it is undeniable that what Arnold has accomplished in his life thus far is
nothing short of incredible. Arnold was a legendary bodybuilding champion, a
record-breaking Hollywood action movie actor, and an accomplished real-estate
investor who made his first million from this business. If all that wasn’t
enough, he was also the “Governator” of California.
I thought Arnold’s story would fit well in
this blog because in order to accomplish all that he has, Arnold had to develop
the capacity to influence millions of people.
I’ll try to extrapolate a short, actionable
lesson from each phase of his career, which enabled him to accomplish such
extraordinary things and maybe each of us will become a better influencer
because of it.
Lesson
1: Focus on your strength
Since he was a teen, Arnold had a clear vision
in his mind: Go to the USA and become famous. He had no idea how to accomplish
this, not even the field of endeavor. He then started his quest, his search for
his unique talent, which would bring him fame and fortune.  As he realized that nature had gifted him
with a body built to grow and become incredibly muscular, he put all of his
heart and soul into a single project; becoming the most muscular man on earth
and winning all the existing body building competitions around the world. It
didn’t matter if it meant endless hours in the gym lifting huge weights, it
didn’t even matter if sometimes it meant fainting or vomiting in the gym out of
exhaustion.
All that counted was getting to the top. And
he made it! Not only that; he set new standards for his sport and made bodybuilding
famous to around the world, becoming the international ambassador for the
sport.
He worked on the mental aspect of competition
(the “Pumping Iron” documentary is a great testimonial of this), he even went
to ballet classes to perfect his posing; in other words, he did whatever it
took to become outstanding and make his dream come true. Thanks to bodybuilding,
Arnold finally got to the USA. He was penniless, with no other skills under his
belt, but ready to pursue his second lifetime goal: to make it big in Hollywood.
Lesson
2: Persistence in spite of obstacles
When Arnold, already a celebrity in the bodybuilding
circuit and on his way to financial independence thanks to real estate
investments in Santa Monica, started to pursue his acting career he had all the
odds against him. He spoke English with a thick Austrian accent, he had below
average acting skills, no particular artistic talent and he was even told his
name was too long to fit on movie posters! Thanks to his body, he managed to
get a part in a B-movie called “Hercules” in New York where he first had to be
dubbed due to poor English pronunciation. The movie itself was never released
due to production financial issues but is now a cult movie because of Arnold’s
fame.
In spite of this, he did not get discouraged,
he kept the vision clear, he simply ignored everybody else around him advising
him to open a gym and to let go this impossible dream to become a world-famous
actor. He patiently waited several years, turning down dozens of parts, even as
a leading actor, in movies which would have not benefited his career in the
long run. His big movie break was “Conan the Barbarian.” Arnold knew this movie
would be a game-changer and, once again, he put his heart and soul in
preparation for this part, taking care of every single detail. In the first
scene of the movie, he was actually bitten by a real wolf and had to have a
dozen stiches on his leg, but this didn’t discourage him a bit to give his best
and make this movie into a cult classic, which he did.
The rest is history. Conan brought Arnold into
the firmament and just a few years later, with movies like “The Terminator,” “Total
Recall” and “True Lies,” he was paid as much as $25 million per movie, becoming
the highest paid action movie star in Hollywood…as he originally planned.
Lesson
3: Expand your expertise
After becoming a Hollywood superstar Arnold
was ready for a new challenge and decide to enter politics. Though married to a
Kennedy family member, Maria Shriver, he was never afraid to express his liking
for the Republican Party. He got close to the Bush family and openly supported
them. When he saw the opportunity to run for governor of California, he
understood he had to massively expand his knowledge and expertise in order to
become credible and have a serious chance to win.
Almost anyone who spent his life in body
building and acting probably would have be intimidated by the massive amount of
information, in many different subjects an aspirant governor must assimilate.
That was not the case for Arnold. He established the “Arnold University” instead.
He gathered notable experts in each of the fields he needed to learn such as
economic, public health, the environment, etc. He worked long hours taking
notes and learning everything he needed to learn. When it was time to debate on
national television with seasoned and shrewd politicians, ready to attack his
weak points with no mercy, he used humor as his best defense, having a set of
punch lines written by professional comedy authors and memorized in endless
preparation sessions. His motto was, “It is just reps, reps, reps,” in
bodybuilding and in life. That is what made a farm boy from a small village in
Austria the Governor of the richest state of America.
Of course Arnold had his lows as well – like
his divorce from Maria due to a secret child he had with an housekeeper 20 years
ago or admitting using steroids in his competition days – but he was not afraid
to expose these in either of his books. However, his life remains a shining
example of what a human being is capable of, when ready to pay the price.
Arnold was able to touch many lives and influence many people along the way, for
which he deserves, in my opinion, the highest recognition as a master influencer!
And who knows what he will accomplish more in the next 20 years…
Marco

 

Persuasion and All that Jazz

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Last year I discovered the work of Ken Burns. If that name is familiar it might be because of the notoriety he gained in the early 1990s with his PBS documentaries The Civil War and Baseball. I watched both and was fascinated! In addition to those I’ve passed considerable hours on the treadmill watching his documentaries on The West, The Dustbowl, Prohibition, The War (WWII), and most recently Jazz.

In the Jazz documentary the famous musician Duke Ellington was interviewed and when asked about “the music of your people,” here is how he replied:

“My people. Which of my people? I’m in several groups. I’m in the group of piano players. I’m in the group of listeners. I’m the group of people who have general appreciation of music. I’m in the group of those who aspire to be dilettantes. I’m in the group of those who attempt to produce something fit for the plateau. I had such a strong influence by the music of the people. The people, that’s the better word because the people are my people.”

What struck me about Duke’s response was how he identified with so many different groups of people and how that undoubtedly allowed so many people to identify with him and his music.

So often when we’re asked about ourselves we limit our view to a few defined and obvious categories. Much of that is defined by what we do (I’m a fireman, I’m in sales, etc.) or our role at home (mother, father, etc.). My question to you is this: Who are you? It’s important to understand for many reasons including when it comes to persuading others. That’s so because the more broadly you see yourself, the easier it will be to invoke the principle of liking. This principle of influence tells us people prefer to say, “Yes” to those they know and like. One way you can come to like one another person and have them come to like you is by sharing what you have in common.

Here are a few ways I see myself: husband, father, son, brother, friend, businessman, salesman, influencer, trainer, coach, consultant, public speaker, reader, life-long learner, runner, weightlifter, martial artist, football fan, Ohio State Buckeye and Pittsburgh Steelers fan, Miami University and Dublin High School alumnus, Scotch lover, and child of God.

As noted earlier, the more broadly I see myself the better my opportunity to connect with people because what we have in common (similarities) become starting points for relationships. Here are a few examples.

When Ohio State beat #1 Alabama in the national championship semi-final, a game they were not expected to win, people were buzzing in Columbus. Everywhere you went it was a point of conversation and an easy way to talk to someone you didn’t know. I had a conversation with someone at a store that I can undoubtedly refer back to next time I see him.

My wife, Jane, is from Pittsburgh and isn’t shy about talking to complete strangers about the Steelers when she sees them wearing some sports logoed item. You never know where a conversation may lead in terms of friendships or connections.

When I do keynote presentations or conduct training sessions I regularly include influence stories about Jane and our daughter Abigail. Some people may not care how to influence others on the job but if they can get their spouse to take on a few more chores or get their kids to do their homework they’re all ears. Quite often people will talk to me afterwards about those personal stories, not business, because they see how persuasion can help on a personal level.

I could give many more examples but you get the point. As human beings we’re all diverse and yet in our diversity we overlap with others in many more ways than we might have thought before. Duke Ellington clearly understood that and it’s a big reason his music was so well received by so many despite the racism he experienced during his lifetime.

I encourage you to spend time thinking about who you are and the roles you have in life. That simple act could be enough for you to see more clearly what you have in common with someone else and might allow you to start forming a relationship through liking. And the good news is; if you need them to do something for you in the future, the more you’ve connected and bonded, the more they’ll like you and in turn will be more likely to say “Yes” to whatever you ask of them.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Best Way to Ensure We All Get Along

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I’m a big social media user. I particularly
enjoy Facebook because in my opinion it’s more personal than all of the other
social media sites I use. I like that I can get to know people in a much more
intimate way and that they can get to know me, too, because I’m the same guy on
Facebook that you’d encounter if we sat down to share a beer or had coffee
together.
While scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed
not too long ago, I came across a picture and quote from the rap artist
Eminem.
In case you had a hard time seeing the quote
here it is again, “I don’t care if you’re black, white, straight, bisexual,
gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you’re nice to me I’ll be nice to you. Simple as that.”
From what I gather, Eminem has grown immensely
as an individual. Having seen a segment on 60
Minutes about Eminem years ago, I believe that’s partly due to him becoming
a father. The intent behind his message is good – Accept me and I’ll accept
you in return. The world would be a much better place if we saw that in practice more
often.
However, you and I, Eminem, and every other
person, can be more proactive to make this mutual acceptance and respect become
reality. You see, according to what Eminem said, he is waiting for others to
treat him nicely, then he’ll do the same to them. In other words, he will
reciprocate their kindness. Eminem is responding to the principle of
reciprocity by giving back what he receives first. Most people live by this
principle of influence. If someone respects them they will respect the other
person. If someone is kind to them they will be kind in return.
A more effective approach to ensure we all get
along would be becoming an influence of change by being the first person to
act. In doing so, you engage the principle of reciprocity and others will feel some obligation
to treat you the same way. How much better would everyone be if Eminem and
other prominent people went out of their way to be kind first, to show respect
first, and to help first?
What about you? How might your family,
workplace and life be better if you were the first one to willingly give what
you’d like from others?
Imagine for a moment that you have a fractured
relationship. You believe the other person is at fault and they believe you’re
at fault. Usually the truth is somewhere in between and each person bears some
responsibility. What would happen if you stepped to the middle first and said,
“Regardless of what happened, I should not have said (or done) X. I want you to
know I’m sorry.” It’s very likely the other person will soften his/her position,
would fess up to some wrongdoing, and apologize in response to your first move.
The relationship may still be somewhat fractured but it’s on the mend and at
least has a chance of going forward.
Perhaps you want respect from coworkers. The
big question would be; do you give them respect? If not, start going out of
your way to do so, then see how they respond. Whatever it is you want from others,
be the first to give because it engages reciprocity and you’re likely to get
the same in return.
The principle of liking can help build or
strengthen relationships and so can reciprocity when it’s engaged sincerely. It
might require swallowing some pride from time to time, taking the first step to
say, “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry,” it could entail letting go of anger,
resentment or hurt. But in the long run you’ll be better off letting go of
those things and probably much happier restoring relationships and getting what
you desire in return – kindness, respect, love, and so on. What’s holding you
back from taking the first step?
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Ardbeg Scotch and The Green Bay Packers: What do They Have in Common?

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“There’s a special rung in hell reserved for
people who waste good scotch.” If you saw the movie Inglorious Bastards, you might recall that quote. A good friend
introduced me to scotch a little over a year ago. I’d never tried the drink
before but was willing to give it a try when he brought a bottle to my home. It
turns out Jane and I both liked it…a lot! It’s less filling than beer, doesn’t
make us sleepy like wine, and there’s an amazing variety of different scotches
to choose from.
This post isn’t about the virtues of scotch or
an attempt to convert anyone. Rather it’s about an interesting marketing ploy.
There’s a well-known scotch called Ardbeg, which boasts a very
peaty flavor. The distillery first began producing whisky in 1798 but
eventually closed its doors in 1981. Limited production started up again in
1989 and continued through 1996. Full production resumed in 1997.
When I bought my first bottle I noticed the
distillery had an Ardbeg Committee, which I could join if I was so inclined.
Out of curiosity I decided to fill out the paperwork. Eventually I received my
committee membership. A few persuasive principles were at play here:
First, they shared a compelling story about
the history of the distillery. People are drawn to stories, particularly those
that have to do with overcoming adversity. Ardbeg’s long history, closure and
reopening made for a compelling story.
When I became a committee member the principleof consistency was engaged. We like to behave in consistent ways so it’s only
natural a committee member will probably buy more Ardbeg than some other brand.
Not all scotch drinkers are committee members
so the exclusivity taps into scarcity. I’m not a committee member for any other
scotch so it’s special community for me and the other 60,000+ committee members.
This is an example of very clever marketing to
revive a once struggling brand and build loyalty. The approach reminds me
somewhat of the professional football team The Green Bay Packers. Unlike all the
other pro sports franchises, the Packers will never leave Green Bay because of
the business decision of an owner or group of owners, as has occurred with many
other NFL teams. You see, the Packers are owned by the fans. Their stock has no
appreciating value, pays no dividends and cannot be sold or traded like other
stocks but all the fans care about is this – they are all part owners of one of
the most storied franchises in all of football.
More than 110,000 people own nearly 4.8 million shares.
Maybe you don’t want to own the team, just go
to the games. Season tickets for the team have sold out every year since 1960!
Currently there’s a waiting list of more than 81,000 names to become a season
ticket holder! This is Green Bay, Wisconsin, not some big city or exotic get
away destination, and people are registering kids at birth to get tickets.
Green Bay fans are … fanatical!
A good product isn’t always enough when it
comes to making the sale and that’s where persuasion comes in. How you talk
about your product or service and how you position it makes a BIG difference.
Limited availability (scarcity), and a sense of belonging and community
(commitment) go a long way toward impacting our decisions and behaviors. So
take a lesson from Ardbeg and the Packers and see if you can create something
special for your customers and prospective customers when it comes to you and
your product or service.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer

 

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – Beware of the Bogus Authority

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To kick off the New Year, our Influencers from
Around the World series starts with Sean Patrick. Sean is originally from Dublin,
Ireland, but now resides in London where he works in sales and sales management.
You can connect with Sean on LinkedIn or Twitter. Sean also owns a sales training and coaching
company, SPT (Sean Patrick Training), Ltd. Always thought provoking, I know
you’ll enjoy Sean’s point of view on “authorities” and their content.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.



Beware of the Bogus Authority
I’ve just finished a well-written book by
Georgia attorney Loren Collins called Bullspotting.
It was a nice segue from another brilliantly written piece by Massimo Pigliucci
called Nonsense on Stilts. As you can
probably tell, the book attacks the nonsensical logic behind some of today’s content
that craftily bypasses the critical filters of its followers, making absurd
claims believable. 
Ironically, the author himself was a proponent
and follower of such people who disseminated misinformation. This got me
thinking about how dangerous it is when we open up to pseudo-authority. This
isn’t just a phenomenon that exists on the fringes; it is everywhere.
In business, we have the same problem but not quite
to the same extreme. Misinformation is like a mind virus that quickly infects
those who really need information to back up their status quo. We’re living in
a time where content is everywhere; it’s like drinking from a fire hose. What
kind of misinformation am I referring to? Half-truths mainly, or tactics that
worked for the author on one very lucky occasion but are now claimed as a
breakthrough. 
There’s also the other kind, the kind where we
think we know about a subject because we read one article or in some cases, the
first couple of paragraphs.  Our ability
to contaminate information further has to be taken in context. Our ability to
recall accurately goes through a process of bending, shaping, remodeling until
we think our warped view is exactly how we saw it. And bogus authority figures
really know this sharing of half-truths is immensely powerful, so we can dot
the lines ourselves as part of the journey to finally agree with the author’s
claims.
In business a client base is like a portfolio
of investments and treating them as such will create long term of value and
recurring revenue. Our job as salespeople is to go deep and create ongoing
change and help clients solve their next problem, and the next and so on. We
strive to drive results with practical solutions and provide serious impact
continually on the relationship. 
Great sales people earn higher fees via
commissions because of their ability to create huge impact and provide value. One
of the key areas in providing value is overcoming the hurdle of misinformation
that clients buy into. As I noted above, most people who consume so much
information on a daily basis fail to employ quality control.  
Over the years as a coach, one of the misdemeanors
that some of my clients were guilty of was dining out on so-called
authoritative content on sales topics and stuff that overlapped into self-development.
What the information consisted of mainly was of brain candy quality. 
The kind of content I’m referring to is the
stuff that isn’t earth shattering (but is marketed as so) and if you sat and
thought long enough you’d probably have come to those conclusions without any
help from the author…and you would have dismissed them!
As people who sell, own a business, or provide
professional services, it’s up to us to engage the client in a way in which we
become the authority and the go-to-favorite of the client. We can achieve this
by proving concept, demonstrating value, helping a client take ownership of a
problem by providing deep insightful information that is contextually relevant
to their most pressing problems.
Focusing on conversations that move things
forward are essential in setting boundaries and prove to the client that we
have a proprietary approach in getting grounded and having more clarity in
aligning themselves with their key priorities.
In this age of content creation and re-creation,
we are deluged by pure nonsense most of the time or at the very least someone’s
biased, one-sided view on matters. This is dangerous if we fail to act
objectively. Thanks to the internet, everyone is now an “expert” and we sit
there in a glassy eyed daze agreeing with what’s being presented to us, largely
because it passes through our filters — 
but only if we let it.

Sean Patrick

PAVE the Way to Success in 2015

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If you’re like many people then you’ll be
making New Year’s resolutions in a few days and if you’re like most of those
same people you’ll be breaking your resolutions within a few days. According to
one study, more than half the people who make resolutions are confident of
achieving them, yet barely more than 10% do so. That’s amazing because most
resolutions are good ones! Here are a some of the most popular New Year’s
resolutions: 
  • Spend more time with family
  • Lose weight
  • Begin exercising
  • Quit smoking
  • Quit drinking
  • Get organized
  • Get out of debt

The list is admirable so why are these goals
so difficult to achieve for 90% of us? There are probably as many reasons as
there are resolutions and dwelling on them wouldn’t be as beneficial as giving
you scientifically proven ideas that can help make 2015 a year of positive
change for you. Around this time every year I share an influence technique that
can help readers PAVE the way to success in the New Year.
In the study of persuasion there’s a powerful
motivator of behavior known as the principle of consistency. This proven
rule tells us people feel internal and external psychological pressure to act
in ways that are consistent with their prior actions, words, deeds, beliefs and
values. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and other
people perceive us in a more favorable light.
There are four simple things you can tap into
in order to strengthen the power of consistency in your life. These simple
ideas will help you PAVE the way to success because they’ll dramatically
increase the odds that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s resolutions.
Public – Whenever you make a public statement,
whether verbally or in writing, you’re putting yourself and your reputation on
the line. The mere fact that another person knows your intention and might ask
you how you’re doing is often enough motivation for people to follow through.

Recommendation #1 – Share with another person
or group of people, your New Year’s resolution and ask them to hold you
accountable.

Active – You have to actively do something.
Merely thinking about a resolution, just keeping it to yourself as some sort of
secret, will lead to the same results as people who don’t make any resolutions.
In other words, nothing will change. This came to light in a study with a group
of students who wanted to improve their college grades. One group was asked to
write their goals down, one group kept their goals in their heads, and the last
group had no specific goal whatsoever. As you can imagine, the group with the
written goals succeeded, with nearly 90% of students increasing by a full
letter grade! With the other two groups the results were identical and poor. In
each group fewer than 1 in 6 students improved a full letter grade. It’s worth
noting, they were all given the same study materials so they all had the same
opportunity to better their GPA. 

Recommendation #2 – Make sure you have to take
some active steps. It could be as simple as buying a book to help you learn
more about the changes you’re hoping to make or writing them down. 

Voluntary – This has to be YOUR goal, not
someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something – quit smoking,
lose weight, get in shape – it’s not likely your motivation will last if
someone told you to do it. The goal has to come from you because if it’s forced
on you it’s not likely your willpower will last long. Samuel Butler said it
best when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same opinion
still.” 

Recommendation #3 – Make sure it’s something
you really want to do of your own free choice. 

Effort – It was already noted that you have to
actively do something. In other words, making the commitment should require
some effort on your part. The more effort you expend setting up your goal, the
more likely you are to succeed. Something as simple as writing down your
resolution can make a difference, even if you don’t share it with anyone. But,
taking the time to share it also fulfills the public requirement, which gives
you more bang for the buck! Robert Cialdini puts it this way, “People live up
to what they write down.” 

Recommendation #4 – A little more effort, like
committing pen to paper, will increase your chance for success significantly. 

So to recap the four recommendations: 

Public – Share your resolutions with others. 

Active – Make sure to take some active steps.

Voluntary – Make it your goal. 

Effort – Commit pen to paper. 

None of what I just shared is new but I’m
guessing many of you haven’t tried the PAVE approach before. If you’ve failed
at your resolutions in the past then give this approach a try. If you fail
again you’re no worse off but this different approach might just be your key to
success in 2015. Good luck and Happy New Year to all of you!
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Some Similarities Mean More When it Comes to Persuasion

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Imagine this scene on a busy street in New York City. Two guys are walking toward each other, and the following ensues:

Guy 1: Hey man, I’m from New York! Are you? Guy 2: F%#@ you buddy. I’m from Brooklyn!

Trying to connect with someone based on what you have in common—similarities—is an effective way to engage the principle of liking … most of the time.

All kidding aside, trying to connect with a New Yorker in the city over the fact that you’re a New Yorker too has little meaning. That’s because virtually everyone else on the street could say the same thing. There’s nothing unique or different about that to bond over. However, connecting over the fact that you’re both from NYC if you were somewhere else—say, California—would mean something because it’s not likely too many others could say the same thing.

This came to mind recently when I thought back to a time when Jane and I were in Boston. The year was 2004, and I’d qualified to run the Boston Marathon. Never having been to Boston, we decided to fly in a few days early to enjoy the city and see the sights. One sight we wanted to see was the bar Cheers, the location of the famous sitcom by the same name.

As you might imagine, when we arrived, the bar was packed with other curious tourists. In fact, it was so crowded we couldn’t get a seat near the bar. After a short while, Jane said to me, “I think those people are from Southwest Pennsylvania.” She could hear a couple talking and recognized the accent because that’s where she’s from originally.

Shortly thereafter, Jane said, “Excuse me. I wasn’t eavesdropping, but are you from Southwest Pennsylvania?” They said they were, and Jane proceeded to tell them she recognized their accent because she was from Waynesburg, PA. A conversation ensued, and soon we were sitting with this couple. If you didn’t know any better, you’d have thought we knew each other and were good friends.

As I shared at the beginning, trying to connect on the Southwest Pennsylvania similarity would not have meant much if Jane had brought it up in Southwest Pennsylvania. However, doing so in an unfamiliar environment magnifies similarities. Strangers in a strange city feel a sense of comfort meeting people they see as similar to themselves.

What Does This Mean for You?

To build or strengthen relationships, you want to look for opportunities to connect using the principle of liking. Quite often, you’ll find yourself in new or unfamiliar situations, so connecting on similarities will be immensely helpful. Here are some tips:

  • If you know some people who will be in attendance at an event you’re attending, Google them to learn about them in advance. Then, make it a point to connect on anything you have in common.

  • If you don’t know who will be attending, ask good questions and demonstrate active listening skills. Here are seven non-threatening, ice-breaking inquiries you might use:What do you do for a living?Where are you from originally?Where did you go to school?Where do you live currently?Tell me about your family.What are some of your hobbies?What’s the most interesting place you’ve traveled to?

Two things will happen when you ask these questions and actively listen. First, people appreciate the sincere interest and the chance to talk about themselves. Second, you learn what you have in common and can then go deeper to form connections.

Sometimes, similarities mean more when it comes to persuasion. Recognizing this can help you magnify the principle of liking, which will help you build relationships and ultimately make it easier to hear “Yes” when you need someone to help you.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Beware the Lies, Damned Lies and Stats!

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Facts, figures and statistics – we’re
bombarded with them. We just came though another election and most of us were
inundated with political ads. It’s amazing how two candidates can talk about
the same facts in such different ways. Democrats touted lower unemployment and
a rising stock market. Republicans debated the legitimacy of both claims when
it came to helping people and the economy. Had the tables been turned and Republicans
been in power they’d have bragged about the declining unemployment rate and all
time highs in the stock market. And it’s very likely the Democrats would have debated those same facts.
Another example; sometimes we hear that average
household income is up. On the surface that’s good. However, if you dig a
little deeper and realize the increase only went to a very few people at the
top and that most people’s income was stagnant or lower, would it still be such
a good thing? Not if you’re in the mass of people who are not benefitting.
As noted earlier, the stock market is at an
all-time high. Again, a good thing on the surface but if the growth in revenue
and profits isn’t leading to job creation then are we (or at least the
majority) really better off?
I’ll never forget seeing the debate over a
potential increase in the state tax for Illinois. One group said it was a 66%
increase and another group said it was a 2% increase. And both were right. The
state tax was 3% and the proposed increase to 5% was raising it two percentage
points but people would pay 66% more in state income tax compared to what
they’d pay without the increase.
I hope you can see statistics can be used to
portray whatever someone wants you to believe. I won’t say it’s unethical
because in each instance facts are being shared but the vantage point can make
all the difference. Two homes could look out over the same land but can have
very different views depending on where each home sits. And so it is with stats.
Mark Twain once said there were lies, damned lies and statistics. His point was simply
this; sometimes facts and figures can be used to justify the position of the
person communicating. As noted earlier, all you need to do is listen to
politicians from opposite sides of the aisle to realize this. They may talk
about the very same issue and you’d think they were from different planets.
You’ll get some very diverse viewpoints if you scan CNN, MSNBC and Fox.
What does this mean for you? Simple; don’t
take everyone or everything at face value. Ask questions, dig a little deeper
into the claims being made, occasionally play devil’s advocate. In doing so
you’ll give yourself a fuller picture and better opportunity to make the best
decision possible.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer

 

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

A Better America for Ferguson and All Americans

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By now everyone in the nation and most people around the world have heard about Ferguson, Mo. The death of Michael Brown and the grand jury decision not to indict officer Darren Wilson touched off protests that quickly turned into violent riots. Whether or not officer Wilson was justified in shooting Michael Brown, one thing is certain, the events of that day and the grand jury decision blew the lid off of racial tensions that have been simmering for decades.

Unfortunately for those who want to see real societal change when it comes to race, their efforts have only been set back by the riots, violence and looting that have occurred in the aftermath in Ferguson. It’s unfortunate because those who committed the acts, predominantly teens and young adults, probably don’t care about change as much as they did an opportunity to cause mayhem and steal.

When significant change took place regarding race in this country a few notable things occurred. First, in the 1960s, Americans were horrified at the treatment of blacks in the South as they watched the news and saw non-violent protestors attacked by police dogs and sprayed with fire hoses. The key was the protests were non-violent and the people didn’t deserve that kind of treatment and it repulsed most Americans.

A second, and more powerful change agent was the leader of the civil rights movement, Dr. Martin Luther King. Dr. King had a vision and a strategy that moved people to action that couldn’t be ignored. And like Mahatma Gandhi, he knew non-violence was the key.

Those two things are needed today for real change to take place. African Americans need the entire country to see the mistreatment that routinely takes place and to understand how their opportunities are much more limited than most Americans because of racial bias.

Most importantly they need a leader who can rally them as Dr. King did. Without a respected leader their movement will fail. Despite using social media to rally people, the March on Wall Street and We are the 99% movements ultimately failed because of lack of leadership. Couple that with the reality that news cycles are so much faster and people quickly forget the latest “big” story. Think about it for a moment; when was the last time you heard about the March on Wall Street or the We are the 99% movements? I can’t think of the last time either was in the news. More importantly, did any substantive change take place? No.

My personal opinion is current leaders such as Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson can’t fill the leadership role because of their contentious pasts and current public perception. Even President Barack Obama will be too polarizing to lead this cause when he leaves the White House, in my opinion.

Someone who I believe could fill that role is former General Colin Powell. He has the admiration of all Americans because of his long service to our country and his conduct as an individual. He knows how to lead, strategize, compromise, and deal with the media. He commands the kind of respect that makes people in this nation and around the world listen.

And let’s not fool ourselves into thinking the violence is only a black issue. A brief scan of history will show other groups have been involved in violent protests. For example, in New York City, the Irish (my ancestors) rioted during the Civil War when the draft was instituted. They didn’t want to go to war to free the slaves and felt the influx of blacks moving to the North would hurt their employment opportunities. One hundred people died during the New York riots. Another example comes by way of sports where we see people of all color celebrating then rioting in the streets after their teams win National Championships, World Series and Super Bowls.

But Ferguson was different because the violence we witnessed not only hurt the cause in Ferguson, it hurt the community and ultimately its citizens. Looting, damaging and destroying local businesses will put many in the community out of business for good and some jobs will be permanently lost. In an area with high unemployment they simply can’t afford that.

So, what are some influence tips to bring about change? Here are a few quick thoughts.

Rather than focus on differences, African Americans could focus on what they have in common with the rest of the nation, which is an application of the principle of liking. They need to talk about how they are mothers and fathers like many of you reading this. They’re also sons and daughters. They must remind America they want the same thing we all do – a chance at the American Dream. This should be the norm, not the exception in their communities.

Look for ways to give instead of just asking for change. By giving you engage reciprocity and people will be more inclined to give when you ask. Perform acts of kindness, volunteer in the community and encourage people to go out of their way to help others, especially those who are difference. Kindness is hard to ignore.

A strong leader like Colin Powell would engage the principle of authority because he possesses both expertise and trustworthiness when it comes to leading. Neither Al Sharpton nor Jesse Jackson has the trust of enough Americans to qualify to lead at this time.

The cause has to be bigger that just African Americans. According to U.S. Census statistics, African Americans make up slightly less than 13% of the population. Hispanics and Latinos are more than 16%. Together 30% of the population can’t be ignored. By focusing on change for all minorities and reaching out to sympathetic whites they can engage consensus. The more the average American sees the groundswell of support, similar to what’s happened with gay marriage, the more will get onboard.

Consistency is engaged by reminding all of us about the truths we hold to be self-evident in The Declaration of Independence; that all people are created equal and deserve equal opportunities. By pointing out where the system fails in this regard, it reminds us of our duty as Americans to make this a reality for all people.

The last principle to engage is scarcity. What does this country stand to lose by not affording more opportunities and fair treatment for all? We’re a nation of immigrants. Without people of all races, both genders and each nationality, we would not be the great country we are. If we limit those opportunities we limit ourselves.

Let me conclude with this. A big part of my desire to use this forum for this message comes from the fact that my best friend for nearly 40 years is African America. Russell Barrow was my best man when I got married and again when I renewed my wedding vows. You would be hard pressed to meet a nicer, more caring, giving individual than Russell. My daughter Abigail has always called him “Uncle Russell.” I’ve heard his stories of dealing with racism and seen some firsthand. In addition to Russell, I’ve had the opportunity to befriend many other African Americans through work. They’re wonderful people! For them, their families and future generations I want to see a better America and that won’t come about without change.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.