Influencers from Around the World – An Accountability Partner Can Help Your Life

Readers of Influence PEOPLE know Hoh Kim
because of his guest posts to the Influencers from Around the World series over
the years. Hoh is also a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer® (CMCT®) and I actually met him when we trained together under Dr.
Cialdini. In addition to his CMCT® Hoh has his masters in communication from
Marquette University. I encourage you learn more about Hoh by visiting his
website, The Lab h, and his blog, Cool Communications. You can also connect
with Hoh on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter.
Brian, CMCT® 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
An Accountability Partner Can Help Your Life
1,000
Places to See Before You Die
by Patricia Schultz is one of my favorite
books. It has been the ultimate travel guide for me for many years. What are
your “100 things to-do before you die” or perhaps more appropriately, “100
things to-do while you live”? If you need a reference, check the book 2 Do Before I Die: The Do-It-Yourself Guide
to the Rest of Your Life
by Michael Ogden and Chris Day. On your to-do list
could be driving from Boston to Seattle, quitting your job and opening a
restaurant, or countless other things.
Do you have a “10 things to do every day”
list? It’s easy! Here’s my example:
1. 30-minutes of exercise.
2. 30-minutes reading a classic book.
3. Help my wife.
4. Help one person outside of my home.
5. Plan for the next day.
6. Control my eating.
7. Not allow myself to be interrupted by SNS
or my blackberry too much.
8. Focus one important thing for the day.
9. Not hurt someone by saying something bad or
insensitive
10. Praise someone
You’ve probably heard of this kind of list
from friends or seen it in movies like “The Bucket List” with Jack
Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Having your “lifetime 100 to-do list” can help
you live a more full life and your “daily 10 to-do list” can help you day by
day. But, having lists is not enough. You need one more thing if you really
want to achieve something on your daily life and lifetime – an accountability
partner.
Here is an example of what an accountability
partner means. Everyday at 10 pm I have a five-minute phone call with one of my
friends. The call is simple. We ask each other about the “daily to-do list” we’ve
shared beforehand and simply tell each other whether we fulfilled our 10 items
or not. In this case, the friend becomes your accountability partner.
I got this idea from an article where Marshall
Goldsmith, one of the best leadership coaches in the world, was interviewed.
The term “accountability partner” came to my attention in the article, which was written by
Natalie Houston.
Dr. Cialdini had said many times, “People need
to publicly commit in order to leverage the principle of consistency.” This can happen when trying to persuade
others and when persuading yourself. To better persuade yourself to do
something, you need to commit to that something publicly, and having an
accountability partner is an excellent way to do that.
So, why don’t you grab a pencil and notebook,
and start to develop your top 10 things you must do every day. Next, find your
accountability partner and commit to check-in with each other. It may sound
simple but, if you DO it daily, you will improve your life and experience more
happiness and joy.
Hoh Kim, CMCT®
Founder & Head Coach, THE LAB h

This Post Might Just Save Your Life!

 

This blog post might just save your life!
Well, not exactly. Truthfully, not even close. But you might be a little wiser
for having read it, so I hope you’ll stay with me for a moment and continue reading.
You might be wondering why I went with such a
sensationalized title. You could say it was manipulative, that I was just out
to get you to read, and you’d be right. So why is a guy who blogs about ethical
persuasion using a manipulative tactic? Simply to make this point – I’m so sick
of seeing manipulative headlines I decided to write about it. Here are some
that irritate me.
War on
Christmas
– Did you know there was a battle raging this past December and
many soldiers lost their lives along with innocent civilians? This headline was
especially prevalent on Fox News over the holidays. My dad was in Viet Nam and
I’m willing to bet he and other veterans who’ve seen combat would not use the
word “war” to describe the tactics used by groups who are opposed to Christmas.
Obama
Declares War on the Citizens That Resist PPACA
– Not only are we
having to defend our lives against the Christmas rebel soldiers, we have to
battle our own President! I saw this headline on LinkedIn. Again, the use of
the word “war.” Really, the government is firing bullets and lives are being
lost because of what Obama is doing? Please!
War on
Women

– I see this headline on Facebook a lot. I know women serve in the military and
now engage the enemy in combat but apart from that there’s no war on women.
Some people may be opposed to certain pieces of legislation but there’s no war.
Some of you are thinking this is no big deal. After
all we were taught, “Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never
hurt me.” I’d counter with, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” You clearly
know when you’re being physically assaulted but it’s not always so clear when
it’s a mental assault. Whether or not you’re aware, those headlines impact
people’s emotions and thinking and that’s exactly why the authors use the words
they do.
Frank Luntz wrote a book about this very
subject called Words that Work. Luntz
polls people for a living to find out which words resonate most so he can help
his clients with their messaging. As you begin to pay attention to word choice
you can quickly tell which side of the issue a presenter is on. Let’s take a
look at a couple of good examples.
Illegal
Aliens vs. Undocumented Workers
– Illegal is bad because it’s breaking the
law. When we think of aliens it typically conjures up images of beings we must
defeat before they take over our planet. Together “illegal aliens” builds a
negative image and negative emotions. It leads to zealous thinking along the
lines of, “We don’t want those illegal aliens in our country!”
On the other hand “undocumented” isn’t so bad.
It makes it sound like someone lost his or her paperwork. That could happen to
anyone. Workers aren’t bad either. We need more good workers in this country
and we esteem a good work ethic. Together we have “undocumented workers” which
creates a different mental picture and softer emotions. If we can get the
proper paperwork they could help this country immensely because quite often
they’re willing to do jobs the average citizen doesn’t want to do.
But let’s be clear; in the end both sides are
talking about the very same thing. However, the word choice each uses builds
different mental images and those mental images are designed to arouse completely
different emotions. Both are trying to get us to form very different opinions
on the same issue.
Death
Tax vs. Estate Tax
– This is another great example. No one likes to pay taxes but
there’s a spectrum on which people fall when it comes to taxes. Some would like
to pay as little as possible and damn the consequences. Others see taxes as
necessary to build a strong society and infrastructure. The real question is
what word will we use with taxes.
Death is not a good image no matter how you
present it. Very few people want to die but when they do the last thing they
want to think about is the government reaching into their casket for one last
money grab. You mean even in death we can’t escape taxation? Outrage!
When you hear the word “estate” what do you
think of? If you’re like most people you think about rich people because
they’re the only ones who can afford to live on sprawling estates. Why should
their millions, or hundreds of millions, be passed on to some greedy spoiled
kids who did nothing to build that fortune? Does the world need any more Paris
Hiltons or Kardashian girls? With that imagery many people say, “Heck yea, take
as much as you can so the rest of us don’t have to pay as much!”
Again, two sides talking about the same issue
– taxing people’s accumulated assets when they pass on – using very different
words. They want to arouse emotions and ultimately actions.
It’s not like Sgt. Joe Friday who used to say
in the television series Dragnet,
“Just the facts.” Watch Fox and MSNBC or CNN and you’ll think they’re from two
different planets despite talking about the same issues facing our country. Pay
close attention to the words used because there are many issues that impact each
of us – taxation, abortion, gun control, health care, etc. – and how we’re persuaded
to act will have to do in large part with how each side presents its case.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

How is Cool Influenced?

 

I read an article questioning whether or not
Apple had lost, or is losing, its cool. Why should Apple be any less cool than
it was several years ago? After all, it’s the most valuable company in the
world at the moment. Is it because Steve Jobs and his dynamic, rebel
personality are gone? I’m not so sure about that because as an Apple user I
think the company’s products are fantastic and I’d imagine long time users
would say the products are better than ever.

As I started to ponder “cool,” it brought to
mind an episode from The Office in
which Michael Scott was trying to plan a celebration of his 15-year anniversary
with Dunder-Mifflin. To do this he enlisted the help of Jim, Pam and Dwight. At
one point during the brainstorming session Jim said of Dwight’s idea, “Now
you’re trying too hard and that’s just not cool.” Dwight responded, “Then I
guess I just don’t know what cool is.”
This begs the question, “What is cool?” I’m
dating myself with this reference but for those who grew up in the ‘70s one of
the icons of cool was Fonzie from the television show Happy Days. Fonzie was cool because he was so different from
Richie, Potsy, Ralph and the rest of the cast. Part of Apple being cool is that
it’s always been different than its competition. The tough part about that in
business is you never stay different for long.
Samsung’s Galaxy phone has many of the same
features the iPhone has and it has some things you can’t get with the iPhone
like the bigger screen. Marketing the bigger screen taps into the principle of scarcity. This principle of influence tells us people value things and want
them more when they’re less available, unique or different.
I believe scarcity goes to the heart of cool.
Fonzie was cool because he was different, a one of a kind. Part of the cool
factor for Apple is how it stays ahead of the curve with technology and usually
offers you something, or a package of things, you can’t get elsewhere.
Consider this question. If everyone had
dressed like Fonzie in Happy Days would
we have seen him as being so cool? Probably not. If everyone has an iPhone do
you think people will view it as being quite as cool as years ago? Probably not,
even if the technology is better.
Like beauty, cool is also relative. A
beautiful woman will not stand out as much when every woman is beautiful. If
you doubt that consider beauty pageants where every woman is a knockout but most
contestants quickly fad into the background as the pageant progresses. However,
those same women in your office, at the mall, or on the street would turn heads
because in those environments they’d stand out compared to the population in
general. That’s scarcity again, along with the compare and contrast phenomenon.
Much of cool’s scarcity comes in based on what
it’s compared to. Kids think they’re cool compared to their parents but within
the group of teens at school some of those same kids may not be considered cool
at all.
Ever notice how celebrities continually
reinvent themselves? Think Madonna, the queen of reinvention! Part of the
reason celebrities change so much is because their cool factor wears off as their
looks and character traits become more commonplace.
So how do you use this to be more influential?
Two areas to consider are you as an individual and your company.
When it comes to you on a personal level what
makes you unique compared to your peers and competition? I’ve seen people whose
signature is a bow tie and others who always wear colored shirts. Both stand
out in the world of dark suits, white shirts and regular ties. Remember, cool
is up to you to make. Being a “nerd” became cool after Revenge of the Nerds hit movie screens. All of a sudden being
really smart was cool if you could use that in ways to benefit others.
When it comes to promoting your company what
makes it stand apart from the competition? Does your business card look like
everyone else’s? Boring! Remember, if you do everything like the competition
then nothing stands out and you get no cool factor. In recent years many
insurance companies have gone from boring and bland to  much cooler through humorous ads. No longer do
people think of them as giant companies run by a bunch of grey–haired, middle-aged
men. They have a much younger, hip feel based on their ads now.
Whether it’s you personally or your company it
comes down to this; take time to consider your uniqueness. Can you combine that
with your strengths and passion to stand apart from your peers? If you can
leverage that you’ll gain some cool and probably more customers because
everyone loves cool.

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

A Scientifically Proven Way to Be Persuasive

The following is an excerpt from Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive, co-authored by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., Noah Goldstein, Ph.D., and Steve Martin. I wrote this several years ago, prior to becoming a certified trainer for Dr. Cialdini. I looked at what State Auto had to offer that was genuinely scarce, then honestly described it in a marketing email and we got terrific results. I hope it stimulates ideas for you to do something similar.

One of my responsibilities is to help recruit new independent agencies to represent our company. In our effort to do this, we sent marketing materials to prospective agencies so they could learn more about us. While we hope most agents read our communications, seldom did we receive any direct replies.

After learning about the principle of scarcity we realized we were missing out on an opportunity that had been right in front of us all along! We don’t do business in every state, and each year we set a modest goal for appointing new agents in our operating areas. We never thought to incorporate those facts, or our current progress, into the communications we were sending.

Understanding how scarcity can move people to action, we began to include something like this near the end of our communications: “Each year we have a goal of selecting just a few new agencies to partner with us. For 2006 that number was set at only 42 agencies across our 28 operating states, and so far we’ve appointed more than 35. It’s our sincere hope that your agency will be one of those remaining agencies we appoint before year end.”

The difference was noticeable immediately! Within days we began to receive inquiries. No extra cost, no new marketing campaigns, no product or system changes needed. The only change was adding three more sentences that contain true statements.

What does your company have that is scarce and can’t be gotten elsewhere? It may be that your uniqueness comes not through one feature but a combination of features. Your challenge as a persuader is to identify that combination of unique features then honestly inject them into your communications. Will you hear “Yes” every time? No, but it’s a sure bet you’ll hear that magic word more than you are today. I confidently assert that because science tells me so and our experience bore that out to be true.

Brian, CMCT®
influencePEOPLE
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

New Survey on Decision Making

Several years ago I asked readers to participate in a survey to give some insight into what influences decisions based on personality type. The goal was twofold: to help people understand themselves better based on their personality type and more importantly, how best to influence others when you have a handle on their personality type.

The questions in that survey were a mix of business and personal scenarios. Many people felt they answered the questions differently depending on the setting presented – work or personal – so I’ve decided to do a new survey with a focus solely on business situations.

Would you like to participate in this new survey?It’s only 11 questions so it should take no more than two to three minutes so click here and take the survey. Look for a series of blog posts beginning sometime in June where I’ll share the results.Thanks, I appreciate your willingness to help!

Brian

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – 5 Tips for Influencing Business with Email

This month’s Influencers from Around the World post comes to us from theother side of the world, from Australia’s only Cialdini Method Certified Trainer, Anthony McLean. Anthony heads up the Social Influence Consulting Group. I encourage you to connect with Anthony on FacebookLinkedIn and/or Twitter.

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

5 Tips for
Influencing Business with Email

 

We all know that influencing via email can be a struggle.
In multicultural countries that do business transnationally this is especially
the case. So how do we set about influencing people, especially for business,
over email?
The Science of Persuasion provides us with a number of
hints in this regard:
1. Have a Cracker
of a Headline!
The problem with too many emails is that the subject line
is cryptic and doesn’t grab the attention of the recipient.
You know what subject lines are likely to get opened and
which ones won’t.  Those that answer the
“What’s In It For Me” (WIIFM) will get a greater open rate.  For example if I say,

“Here’s your opportunity to seize an influx of resources”
or

“Hey, I have a $100 for you.”

Which one would you open?
If you need to be a little more formal provide your
subject line with the data for identification and action such as:

FOR ATTENTION: Immediate Review of Budget

FOR APPROVAL: New Contract

REMINDER: Tender Submission Due Tuesday

Using reported facts from the media or headlines from the
news shows the email is timely and perhaps includes something important that
the recipient may have missed, such as the following:

“Reserve Bank Drop Rates – What it means for your mortgage”

“Media Regulation – the unintended impact on business”

President Obama’s team tested a number of subject lines until they struck on the one that tapped into the intrinsic motivation (Consistency) of their supporters but also showed what
they stand to lose (Scarcity) – all in four words “I will be outspent.”
But remember you can’t use the same headline over and over
again.  Test to find the ones that get
the best reaction but change them regularly.
Test new headlines and avoid becoming predictable.
2. Make it
Personal
A research study between college students found that those
who started a negotiation task over email with no period of interaction, i.e.,
they got straight down to business, ended up in a stalemate 30% of the time.
Those students who were first asked to introduce themselves and provide some
personal details including their hobbies, their chosen field of study, their
hometowns and so on, only stalled 6% of the time.  The thing to note here was the negotiation
task was exactly the same.  The only
difference was the group who was more successful at reaching a resolution
personalised the interaction before getting down to business.
Therefore even though you may be writing an email to a
customer that is no excuse for it to be overly formal and boring.  Research the person, use your relationship
data and personalise the email.  This
goes for the headline and the body of the email.
Write it as if you are writing to a friend.  Don’t use templates or long messages.  Make personalised comments at the outset that
shows you have made an effort for them and it isn’t a generic email (see point
3). For example,

Hi Brian,I hope you had a great weekend.  We finally got some sunny weather and all
that did was make it harder to come back to work today.

The reason for the mail is I read an article and
immediately thought of you.  Have a look
at paragraph three; it links perfectly with your current project.

www.socialinfluenceconsultinggroup.com.au/blog

Call me once you’ve read it, as there are some nuances I
want to walk you through so it doesn’t cost you anything.

Thanks,

Anthony

Statistics on personal subject lines and messages show
that they can have twice the response rate of traditional messages.  One project was even successful in achieving
a 127% increase in open rates over their normal approach.
Finally sign the email.  A personal signature, even a digital one, has
a big impact on personalising your emails.
3. Give
In contacting your clients, think what is important to
them. What will make their lives easier? Why would they continue to open your
emails? Don’t subject them to mass email blasts. Take the time and show them
that you have made the effort to personally send them the email.
Give them content that is meaningful, customised and
expected. This effort will drive reciprocation in effort and cultivate a stronger
working relationship in the process.
Remember though, to be unexpected, don’t give all the
time.  Be selective who you share your
information with and highlight its exclusive nature when it is the case.  Give them what is truly valuable and they will
give you business and loyalty, but you need to go first though.
If you have a large database, apply the Pareto or 80/20
Rule.  For the top 20% of your database,
i.e., those who engage, buy more products, advocate your services, etc.,
personalise your approach to them and give them more.  For the other 80% a standard one-size-fits
approach may apply.  If however someone
steps up to the 20%, let them know, make them feel special and tell them you
would like to give them a more personalised service because of how important
they are to you.  Your emails will do the
rest.
4.Call to action
Your email should always have a call to action making it
clear what you want the recipient to do. Whether it is in the subject line or
in the body of the report, it must also always be in the final sentence of the
email.
Never create a call to action and then take them off in a
different tangent, as the call to action will be lost.

Hi Jill,I am really looking forward to your briefing on Thursday.

In preparation for the meeting can you please provide a
copy of the presentation for the leadership team no later than 2 p.m. on
Wednesday along with a short video synopsis explaining your take on the current
staff leave policy?

I hope your new team is performing well and really
embracing the new technology platforms we have introduced.  It is making a
big difference to other parts of the business.

T.H.E. Boss

The final comment about technology can open the door for a
conversation on that issue while the actual focus of the email was introduced
in paragraph two – the presentation on the company’s leave policy.
Always leave the reader primed to carry out the action you
have requested.  If it is asking for
business we would recommend not doing that over email because if they say “No”
it is harder for you to make a concession thereby reducing the chances they
will reciprocate and make a concession and accept your alternative.
5. Time Your
Email
Sometimes the greatest decider of your email being opened
and action taken upon it is the time of the day it is sent. The best indicator
is to review when the recipient has most frequently opened and/or replied to
emails in the past.
Research has shown the best times of day for emails being
opened are as follows:
8 a.m.
9 a.m.
3 p.m.
8 p.m.
Further we also know that emails have the greatest open
and action rate in the first hour after they are sent.  Therefore when sending important emails ensure
you send them in the hour prior to the above listed times but focus on morning
and early afternoons for most attention.
Remember these are open times for your recipient so if you
have a global database perhaps scheduling software will help you to land at
just the right time.
Please note when
opening emails at 8 p.m. you may get opened but if you are asking for
considerable action it may be held over until the following day and then in the
morning the newer emails are now sitting on top of yours perhaps rendering it
to inbox oblivion.
 
Review
Finally you must review your efforts and ensure that the
strategy employed achieved the desired results.  If it didn’t, why?  What can you improve
for next time?
Sometimes “the best email is a phone call.”
However if you need to send an email, grab their
attention, personalise it as much as appropriate but don’t overdo it.
Give only things that are meaningful and ensure the call to action is clear.We can employ all six of Dr. Cialdini‘s Principles of Persuasion in
the body of the email; however the above 5 tips for influencing business with
email will give you the structure to start and test you email success.
Anthony, CMCT®

 

Influential Mad Men

I became a fan of the television series Mad Men a few years ago during the show’s fourth season on AMC. Over the holidays, thanks to Netflix, I went back and watched the first three seasons so I could fill in lots of holes on different characters.

The show revolves around a mysterious character who goes by the name of Don Draper. I say, “goes by the name of” because that’s not his real name. Part of the appeal of the series for me is that it takes place in an advertising agency back in the 1960s. That’s the decade when I was born so I remember many of the products they pitch.

Another reason for the appeal is that at its core, advertising is persuasion. Advertising is all about changing people’s behavior, trying to get them to buy the products being advertised. Throughout Mad Men, you learn that most people don’t respect Don Draper and the rest of the characters they encounter because of what they do. In the late ‘50s and early ‘60s, advertising was seen as Madison Avenue types trying to get unsuspecting people to buy things they didn’t really need or want.

There’s some truth to that last statement however, because we’re so saturated with ads today the advertising onslaught seems normal to us. In an article titled PermissionMarketing, which was written for the magazine Fast Company, William C. Taylor told readers, “This year, the average consumer will see or hear one million marketing messages – that’s almost 3,000 per day.” Here’s a scary thought – that quote is now 15 years old! If the average American consumer was exposed to a million marketing messages in 1995, how much more are we exposed to today with the explosion of the Internet and cable television? Just think about all the ads you see on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and other social media sites that didn’t exist 15 years ago. It’s overwhelming!

Can you possibly take in all the information from millions of marketing messages, rationally analyze it then make the most informed choice? Nobody can, so to help navigate the tidal wave of information that comes our way we use mental shortcuts. By that, I mean when we hear certain reliable bits of information we sometimes act upon it, nearly to the exclusion of other information, so we can move on to whatever else is competing for our attention.

This is where the Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence come into the decision-making process. These principles describe psychological scenarios where it’s easier for us to say “Yes.” For example, the more you know and like someone the easier it is to say “yes” to them. In advertising we sometimes come to feel as if we know certain spokespeople in commercials. Progressive’s Flo character is a good example. The more people feel they know and like Flo the more likely they are to get a Progressive quote. This is the principle of liking.

The principle of reciprocity clearly shows you’re more likely to help someone who’s first helped you in some way or given you something. This is why you get “freebies” at the grocery store and in the mail. Those “freebies” make it more likely we’ll buy from the company that’s given those “gifts” to us.

In advertising another big way we’re influenced is through the principle of consensus. When we believe something is a best seller, that everyone else is buying the item, we become more likely to purchase it too. An example here would be touting a book that’s made the New York Times’ Best Seller list. Once we hear that single fact it legitimizes that the book is probably pretty good and worth buying. After all, can hundreds of thousands, or millions of readers all be wrong?

Spokespeople are sometimes used in advertising because they convey authority and we’re more likely to listen to so-called experts. If I tell you a certain golf ball added 20 yards to my drive would that be enough for you to buy the ball or do you think a golf pro like CoreyPavin telling people how great the new golf ball is would sell more? Most people would listen to Corey Pavin because he won the U.S. Open and has finished in the top five of the other three major golf championships during his career. This is the principle of authority in action.

Advertisers often tap into the principle of consistency to get us to buy. They tie the virtues of their product into what we’ve said or done in the past or relate the product’s attributes to our deeply held values. For example, most breadwinners want to provide for and protect their families. Advertising that shows how a particular life insurance product will allow a family to continue living in the lifestyle they’re accustomed to should the breadwinner pass away will sell more easily because it ties into the value of family protection.

And finally there’s the principle of scarcity. This principle of influence tells us people want things more when they’re becoming less available. This principle is probably most familiar to us because we see it continually when we’re hit with ads telling us “Sale Ends Sunday,” “While Supplies Last,” or “One Day Only!” This is also the reason gun sales skyrocketed after the Sandy Hook tragedy. People were afraid if they didn’t buy a gun now they might not be able to in the future.

If you take the time to watch Mad Men (season premier is April 7 on AMC) you’ll see the principles employed at every turn as they build out advertising campaigns for clients. Of course, all you need to do is pay attention to regular advertising that comes your way and you’ll see all the same principles at work. When you recognize them simply ask yourself if you’re making the best decision possible or if you’re only acting because of one piece of data at the expense of other, perhaps more relevant information. Do this and you’re sure to make better decisions over the long haul.

 

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

A Call to Lay Down Your Weapons of Influence

In America there’s a debate raging and millions of people are lining up on opposite sides of the issue. The debate has to do with constitutional rights vs. public safety. You probably know I’m talking about the gun control issue that’s come to the forefront of national attention after the Sandy Hook tragedy last year. At the center of the debate is gun ownership and in particular assault weapons.

This post has to do with that debate because it’s about weapons. If you’ve read Robert Cialdini’s classic book, Influence Science and Practice, then you know it was born out of his curiosity about why he was such a “patsy” when it came to the “pitches of peddlers, fund-raisers, and operators of one sort or another.” He wrote, “I wanted to find out which psychological principles influenced the tendency to comply with a request.” Thinking of himself as someone who was taken advantage of more than he cared to admit, a few sentences later he characterized these psychological principles as “weapons of influence” because quite often they were used against defenseless people. I say defenseless because manipulators understood the principles but their targets of influence didn’t and that gave manipulators a huge advantage. Cialdini held to this viewpoint so much so that at the end of each chapter ideas are presented on how you can defend yourself against the manipulative use of these weapons of influence.

Nearly 30 years have passed since Influence first hit bookstores and times have changed when it comes to people’s views on influence and persuasion. After selling nearly 2.5 million copies, people have embraced the idea that the psychology of persuasion can be used in an ethical manner to create more win-win situations than ever before. People have embraced the concepts from Influence so much so that it was named the top sales and marketing book in The 100 Best Business Books of All Time.

Considering the change in attitude toward influence I’m writing today to ask people to banish the “weapons” terminology from their vocabulary when referring to the principles of influence.

Why now? As I scanned my Twitter feed one morning I saw a post that referred to one of the principles of influence as a weapon of influence. All of a sudden it didn’t sit well with me and as I analyzed it all the thoughts I’m sharing here came to mind. If I knew what was meant by “weapons of influence” and didn’t care for it I wondered how others might perceive the terminology.

First, the weapons terminology doesn’t conjure up positive thoughts, particularly during this time of tense, heated debate around the subject. If we truly believe small changes (i.e., using certain words at particular times in specific situations) can make a big difference – indeed that’s what influence is all about – then I argue “weapons” can’t be helping our cause when it comes to teaching people about the ethical use of influence. Consider the following:

If you didn’t know anything about influence how likely would you be to attend a workshop where you’d learn about using weapons of influence? Some people will go but I suspect many will subconsciously make an automatic decision not to consider the workshop.

How might your customer feel if they found out you were using weapons of influence on them? It’s not likely they’ll believe you’re using those weapons to defend them. Rather, I suspect they’ll feel you’re using those weapons against them in an effort to defeat them and get what you want.

We all know things can be used for good or bad. Guns in the hands of our military are good when they help defend our freedom. They’re not so good in the hands of bad guys. However, as I noted at the beginning, with the national debate raging, using weapons terminology will provoke the wrong images and emotions for too many people.

I prefer talking about ethical influence. When I teach I encourage people to look for principles that are genuinely available to the situation they find themselves in. If they look hard enough they’ll find some just waiting to be used.

Next you want to incorporate the principles into your request in a way that’s truthful. In other words, don’t tell people there’s a time limit – scarcity – if there’s not. Don’t tell people how “everyone” is using your product – consensus – when they’re not.

And finally, look for what Stephen Covey called “win-win” situations. Your product, your price, your idea, whatever you may be trying to persuade someone about will not be right for everyone. Sometimes honestly pointing that out will get you recommendations because people will trust you – authority!

In closing I ask you to join me and lay down your weapons of influence and in their place pick up the tools of ethical influence that build. I encourage you to start thinking of the principles of influence as tools that can help build relationships, overcome doubts and motivate people to action. Will it make a difference? I believe it will, because small changes can lead to big differences.

She Tricked Me into Marrying Her … Sort of

This week Jane and I celebrate our 25th
wedding anniversary. On March 12, 1988, we exchanged vows before friends,
family and God in the Waynesburg Presbyterian Church. I have to say, it doesn’t
seem like 25 years ago!

A funny thing happened on the way to the
alter; Jane tricked me into marrying her … sort of. Actually she employed a
principle of influence but I’m not totally sure if she knew what she was doing.
We met on our first day of work and started dating
a few weeks later. Within weeks of that, I was telling friends she might be
“the one.” Things went along smoothly until my ex-girlfriend called and that
threw me for a loop. A few months of indecision ensued and what made it extra
difficult was Jane and I still worked together and saw each other daily.
We’d stopped going out sometime in early April
and one day in late April I saw Jane in the break room and asked how she was
doing. She said she was doing fine and wouldn’t go out with me again even if I asked.
Less than two weeks later we were going out and I asked her to marry me on her
birthday.
When I used to tell the story I bragged as if
I was some kind of stud that she just couldn’t resist. While I was doing that
Jane was probably telling her friends, “All I had to tell him was I wouldn’t go
out with him again even if he asked…and he asked me to marry him!”
In case you’re not aware of what happened,
Jane used the principle of scarcity on me. This principle of persuasion tells
us people want things more when they’re less available. I bet every one of you
reading this can think of a time where you stopped going out with someone or
were considering it but when you learned they liked someone else everything
changed. All of a sudden you wanted them more than ever!

In my defense, I’d like to think part of the
reason she said “yes” was because I engaged a little reciprocity. I planned to
ask her to marry me on her birthday to throw her off my real intention. I gave
her a dozen roses at work then showed up at her apartment with another dozen
roses and a bottle of wine that evening. She thought it was all for her birthday. Next I
took her to dinner in a Silver Cloud Rolls Royce I’d rented, driver and all. On
the way home I popped the question in the back seat and gave her the ring. She
couldn’t say no after all I’d done…she owed me!

Something happened after I asked her to marry
me. All the uncertainty that plagued me for months left and it was no longer an
issue trying to decide between the ex and Jane. I can honestly say I never
looked back and wondered “what if?” Because I’d made an active, public
commitment, the principle of consistency was now at work on me.
In all truthfulness, each of us was a bungler
of persuasion and we were lucky in our application of some of the principles of
influence. We were also bunglers in marriage at such a young age but overcame
obstacles and have been in a really good place for a long time. Just as life is
easier when you understand and ethically apply persuasion, marriage is easier
when you learn and practice two things to the best of your ability.
  1. Cherish the other person because time goes by quickly (scarcity). 
  2. Put the other person’s well being above your own. When you do,
    most of the time they will respond in kind (reciprocity).

I’ll conclude with this since it’s my
anniversary. I’d like to tell all of you that Jane is incredible! The more time
passes and I watch her continue to grow and mature, the more amazed I am at
her. If God had let me put together the perfect spouse I wouldn’t have come up
with someone as wonderful as Jane. Part of the reason is I wouldn’t have been
creative enough and the other part would have been a lack of faith that there
would be someone so beautiful, kind, smart, funny and so many other amazing traits.
I’m a very blessed man!

Brian, CMCT® 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World – Influence Yourself

This month’s Influencers from Around the World post comes from Yago de Marta. Yago has been a guest blogger at Influence PEOPLE for several years now. He’s from Spain but now spends the majority of his time in Latin America working with clients to help them speak more fluently and persuasively. To find out more about Yago visit YagoDeMarta.com or connect with him on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter. 

Brian, CMCT® 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influence Yourself

A lot of people ask themselves what they can or can’t do with influence techniques. I tell them that there are no set limits and that they can explore them in each sale or speech.
There will always be someone who will tell you what you can’t do. He will have his arguments but it doesn’t mean he has the reason. This article addresses this.
A year ago I was invited to give a speech in a very big auditorium in a city with about 1.5 million people in Latin America.  I have been in that country thousands of times but “each audience is different” and this city was “special.” When I entered in the auditorium I realized that it was too big and thought it would be difficult to fill the seats because the event hadn’t been publicized very much.
As people arrived they started taking places in the high part of the auditorium first. I was talking with the organizers (the mayor of the city and his team) and they were telling me that the people in their city were complicated and recommended I not make efforts to have them come closer. Apparently people in this city were not easy, a “tough crowd” you might say.
When almost everybody was in the hall, I was told to start my presentation and I realized that most of the people occupied the seats farthest from me. The mayor was about to introduce me to the audience and I asked him to ask people to get closer to the stage, so they’d be closer to me.
Then one of the strangest moments of my career happened. The mayor and his staff told me it was impossible to do this. He told me that he has been the mayor of this city for 20 years and that the people was too lazy to “move their asses” closer to hear me!
As you know, as you have heard and probably read a hundred times, you have to know your audience, your client. In this case, it was clear that the one that knew the audience was the mayor, not me. But, could it be limiting for my presentation?
I said to him, “Okay, no problem.  If there is no way to move them, I’ll solve it.”
The mayor introduced me, and gave me the microphone. I addressed the audience, “Good evening, it’s a great pleasure to be with all of you here today and I have something to confess to you; some minutes ago I asked your mayor if he could ask you to come closer to the stage to the front rows and fill the closest part of the auditorium. He answered me that it was impossible, that the people of this city are not likely to do that. Please, can you show him that he is mistaken?”
Suddenly, people all over the auditorium stood up and changed their seats to be closer to the stage.
That’s normal. When books talk about knowing the audience, they talk about knowing their ages, jobs, gender, but there is something easier and more powerful: you can know their motivations. You know their essence.
Maybe the mayor knew each person of his city, maybe he knew their names. But I knew why they were there.
It’s more important to believe in yourself than to believe in your audience. It’s more important to influence yourself than influence people.
You are learning and using many influence techniques and that’s what helps you accomplish whatever you want. But there is only one thing that you always have to remember – to know what people “really” want.
Yago de Marta
Speech & Media Training
www.yagodemarta.com
Méx. +52 1 (55) 59810879
Esp. +34 655 361 555
BBpin: 2A24B191
Skype: yagodemarta