I’ve been on the road a lot lately leading workshops for people to improve their sales skills and one of the skills we’ve worked on is influence. I’m a firm believer that influence and persuasion come into play almost every time we interact with another human being because quite often we’re making requests of them or trying to convince them of something.
Aristotle defined persuasion this way – the art of getting someone to do something they wouldn’t ordinarily do if you didn’t ask. I would differ from that definition only slightly – it’s not just art, there are scientific studies that tell us the most effective ways to persuade. However, I agree with Aristotle’s basic premise. After all, if someone is doing what you want before you ask, there’s no need to ask.
One aspect of influence that can make a big difference in hearing “Yes” vs. “No” is something called the contrast phenomenon. Simply put, what we compare something to can make all the difference. For example, is paying $20,000 for a car too expensive or a good deal? If you’ve only bought used cars in the past then $20,000 might seem like a lot compared to what you’ve paid in the past. On the other hand, if you’ve always bought new, high end, nice vehicles then $20,000 might seem like a bargain compared to prior purchases. The $20,000 price tag can only be called “too expensive” or “a good deal” compared to something else.
During my training sessions I like to pose this question, “Which is more valuable; a $25 gas card or a $25 Visa card?” Most workshop participants reflexively choose the gas card which is understandable because of the price of gas and fears about rising prices as summer approaches. It’s a classic “compared to what” situation.
But if you think about it for a moment you’ll quickly realize they’re both worth the same amount, $25. When I point that out I still get a few protests, “But if you spend it now you can get more gas, especially if gas prices go up like they say.” It’s true that you might get more gas today than several months down the road but no matter how high prices go you can still get $25 in gas.
Then I raise this question, “Can you spend the $25 Visa card on gas?” Of course you can and you can spend it on a lot of things other than gas. While they’re both worth the same $25 I’d argue the Visa card is actually more valuable because you have many more options on how to use it. When I point this out you can see eyebrows rise as if people are thinking, “I never looked at it that way before.”
Despite the fact that the Visa card is more versatile – dare I say valuable – if I were running an incentive contest I’d offer the gas card for the simple reason that most people think the gas card is more valuable because they’re comparing it to something scarce, something that might go up in price. And that brings me to the takeaway – whenever you try to persuade someone think of the best legitimate comparison you can, the one that will make your request shine brightest, and incorporate that into your presentation or request. Doing so will give the best opportunity for you to hear “Yes!”
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
This post celebrates the second anniversary of Influence PEOPLE. It’s been a great two years and I look forward to many more. I love blogging and social media because it’s opened up so many doors, helped me reconnect with old friends, and allowed me to meet so many new people I never would have otherwise.
o forever.
A little more than a week ago Anthony McLean, CMCT, the newest guest blogger for my Influencers from Around the World series, wrote his first post for Influence PEOPLE. His initial article was about Influencing in Australia.
Brian, CMCT
Last month I conducted a couple of POP (Principles of Persuasion) workshops. One was for insurance agents and the other was for managers and supervisors at State Auto. Actually, I’ve done more than a dozen POPs in the past three years and I’ve seen a common thread with participants – confusing when to use the principle of consistency and when to use the principle of authority.
This month’s Influencers from Around the World article is the first guest post from Anthony McLean. Like myself and several of my guest bloggers, Anthony is a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT). In fact, he’s the only CMCT in Australia and he’s going to share with us how to best influence should you find yourself in Australia or dealing with an Aussie. I encourage you to connect with Anthony on Facebook or LinkedIn.
Australians are very parochial, whether it is our sporting teams, our political parties, our choice of beer or even the city or suburb we come from. Identify with the things you have in common with an Australian and you are well on your way to making a connection. If you find an Aussie who is not a sports fan, commenting on the fanatical nature of sports fans and the delusional commitment to this activity will also generally strike a chord.Many Australians are willing to give new things a go. In order to create a relationship, look to the experiences or activities you can share with us and it will be this common interest and cooperation that is sure to succeed in building a relationship based on Liking. If all else fails simply make a joke at the expense of a New Zealander or try and say “G’day” and this will generally spark a smile if not raucous laughter.Reciprocity – we prefer to give back to those who have given to us firstAn integral part of Australian society is helping out your mates. While Australians and New Zealanders love to give each other a hard time, when the chips are down that spirit of camaraderie comes to the fore. No better example was seen than during the recent natural disasters in the Asian Pacific rim. Queensland experienced a near one-in-one hundred year flood, then within weeks the biggest cyclone to ever cross our shores hit North Queensland and not surprisingly the first offer of help came from New Zealand. When the earthquake hit Christchurch it was not a consideration of if we would help but how much help we would send. Similarly with the recent earthquake in Japan, Australian search and rescue crews were dispatched immediately to support the teams on the ground because they have done the same for us in the recent past.Reciprocity is a core element to all societies and it is no different in Australia.In the outback it is not uncommon for your nearest neighbour or town to be several hours away. If you were driving on a remote country road and someone needed a tow, or a spare part, or whatever, you would stop and lend a hand because you never know when it may be you who needs some help. If you want to build a relationship with an Australian, going first is the key. Whether it is a kind word in the train, a helping hand with tipping (as we are not very good at it) or buying the first beer; these simple gestures will often ensure you have a friend for life. If nothing else you know we will be there if and when you need us.Consensus – we look to those like us to guide our behaviour when we are uncertain
In the multicultural mix that is Australia we have found that collective Asian-based cultures are becoming a greater influence in our society and connectedness a greater part of our lives. We have people from all over the world flocking to enjoy our beaches, climate and lifestyle. When trying to influence an Australian in a situation where they are not sure of what to do, don’t miss the opportunity to show us what others like us are doing. Whether it is in a work or social setting, highlight what those who are most like us, i.e., those who live or work near us, have the same job, other supporters of our sporting teams, other members of our social or age group are doing in this situation. Show us this and we will be keen to join in.
Sometimes the most expensive gift of all is free. That’s right, sometimes a “free” gift cost you far more than it would have if you bought it. That’s part of the reason we’re so familiar with the saying, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Let me illustrate with a story.
As my two friends and I walked around after dinner, taking in the scenery, I was approached by a panhandler who shoved an old rose toward me and asked, “A rose for the lady?” There was no indication he was selling them and I knew he wanted me to think it was a gift. Nonetheless, I declined his offer because generally I only give flowers to my wife or daughter.
Reciprocity dictates that people “return the favor” so to speak. If I do something for you then you probably feel like you owe me something in return if you’re like most people. In the same way charities engage reciprocity by giving you mailing labels with the hope that you’ll give a financial gift in return, the panhandler was giving to get. The big difference between the charity and panhandler is it’s easier to say “No thanks” to an anonymous mailer than it is to a person, especially when they’re staring you in the eye. And even though it’s easier to say “no” to the mailing labels, donations typically double when charitable organization use them!
We all know the name Bernie Madoff, perpetrator of the biggest Ponzi scheme ever in American business. It’s estimated that $36 billion was invested with Madoff’s firm and that upwards of $18 billion is still missing.
A few weeks ago I was in Cleveland to speak at the local chapter of the Chartered Property Casualty Underwriters (CPCU). I was asked to talk about ethics so I decided a unique approach for this insurance group would be taking a look at Dr. Cialdini’s principles of influence and how they were used by Bernie Madoff. The title for my talk was “How Bernie Madoff with our Money.”
When I talk about the principles of influence I usually refer to ethical influence and persuasion so talking about the unethical use was an interesting change for me. The principles of influence tap into the psychology of human behavior – what causes someone to say “Yes” to a request – and they are powerful! Social scientists and behavioral economists have been scientifically studying human behavior for more than five decades so there’s plenty of data to back up that statement.
Con men may not know the science but through trial and error they quickly figure out how to use the psychology to their advantage. I think it’s important that people understand the principles not only to become more adept at ethically influencing people but also to avoid being manipulated by con men such as Bernie Madoff. I’m going to briefly describe each principle then share something Madoff did that helped him continually bring in new investors for decades. After all, Ponzi schemes depend on a continued inflow of investors and money or else they quickly collapse, so landing new clients was of the utmost importance for Madoff.
Reciprocity – We feel obligated to give back to those who first give to us. When someone does us a favor we want to return the favor in some way and silly as it may sound Bernie made it seem like he was doing his clients a favor by letting them invest with him. After all, his clientele were the rich and famous, he’d been a glowing success for decades and he was well respected. It was a privilege to let him handle their money. The favor was returned as people told others about him and new clients came by way of referral.
Liking – People like to do business with people we like, especially those who are similar to them. Madoff tapped into this principle based on his similarities to many of his clients. For starters, he recruited from his country club. That’s not out of the ordinary at all because men gauge one another’s character a lot based on shared experiences like golfing. In addition to this, Madoff tapped into similarity through his Jewish heritage because many of his victims were Jewish and trusted him more based on this.
Consensus – We feel more comfortable doing what everyone else is doing or doing what people just like us are doing. If you’re rich then you hang with people who are rich too. Inevitably conversation turns to business so undoubtedly Madoff’s name was passed around like the offering plate at church. If you know many of your most successful friends invest with someone that’s going to give you pause to consider making a switch.
Authority – People tend to trust those who are viewed as experts and Bernie had this one down! He’d been investing successfully since the early 1960s, but what was more impressive was that he helped start the NASDAQ. His trustworthiness was impeccable because he also served as the Chairman of the Board for the National Association of Security Dealers. Why wouldn’t you automatically trust him with those credentials on his side?
Consistency – We like to be consistent in what we say and do because when you do something you usually do it because you believe it’s the right thing to do. If someone asks who you invest with and whether or not you’re doing well of course you’ll respond positively. Being the con-man he was, I’m sure Madoff occasionally asked his biggest clients for referrals and recommendations which they were probably all too willing to do. After all, it would be inconsistent not to.
Scarcity – People want more of what they can’t have or something that is hard to come by. I don’t think Madoff’s firm was one in which any person could pick up the phone and ask to open an account. When you’re dealing in the billions like he was it tends to be a very exclusive club and the more exclusive, the more people wanted in. How would you feel if you knew a business only took on a limited number of new clients each year and you were one they were considering? Most people would jump at the chance.
So there you have it, a quick overview of some of the psychology of How Bernie Madoff with our Money. Hindsight is 20/20 so it’s easy for us to look back and think we’d never be fooled in such a way. However, think about the kinds of people who invested with him – the rich and famous – people who were smart or had smart people managing their money. No, the reality is we’re all susceptible because we’re human and the same psychological pull would be at work in us. Madoff’s situation and science both confirm that. Here’s my advice to you; continue to learn about influence, keep your eyes and ears open, and learn to trust your gut because when something seems too good to be true it usually is.
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
If you live in Columbus, Ohio then you know there was no bigger story than last week’s revelation that Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel admitted knowing about some rules infractions by his players nearly a year ago. If you don’t live in Columbus it’s still likely you’ve heard the story or read about it in the news. And for those outside of the United States think of one of the most revered coaches you know then imagine that person caught in a scandal that seems to go against everything you know about his or her character.
Jim Tressel is known sometimes called “the vest” because he’s brought the sweater vest back into style, at least in Columbus, Ohio. By way of quick review, Jim Tressel has been the head football coach at The Ohio State University for a decade and his success exceeds even the great Woody Hayes’ in many respects. Having won the Big Ten title seven times, including an unprecedented six times in a row, the Buckeyes have played in eight BCS games, three national championships and won the national championship in 2002. You would be hard pressed to find a coach more successful on the field and yet for all the on the field success many would say Tressel’s off the field accomplishments have been even more impressive. His charity work, fund raising and focus on developing young men into good, productive citizens have been held in high regard by all those who know him. It’s not uncommon to hear people say, “If I had a son I’d want him to play for Coach Tressel.”But this post is not so much about Jim Tressel and the controversy he finds himself in right now as it is the reaction to the news. It’s fierce from both sides – loyal supporters of Jim Tressel and Buckeye Nation and those who are glad to see the coach and program tarnished. I’ve read the new stories, Facebook posts, Tweets, etc., and it made me think about a psychological principle I thought would be good to explore — confirmation bias.Confirmation bias is nothing more than the term we use to describe the reality that most people look for information that confirms current beliefs or places more emphasis on information that confirms their current thinking. For example:
We’re selective in what we choose to consider and how much weight we put on certain information when it comes to decision making. In the case of the Jim Tressel news story, for those who’ve observed the coach for a decade or more his actions seem inconsistent with previous actions and stated values. It’s only natural to then search for a reason that explains such behavior.On the opposite side, for people who either dislike the Ohio State program or hold a belief that cheating goes on in all highly successful sports programs they come from a position where they don’t look to his prior actions and ask, “Why?” because they place more weight on anything that appears to confirm the belief that everyone cheats in big time sports programs.The goal of this post is not to convince anyone of innocence or the guilt of Jim Tressel because in the coming weeks and months we will hear and see more information. The point is to make us all aware of the reality that we’re impacted by confirmation bias every day and knowing that, if we want to make the best decisions possible, then we need to take this psychological principle into account as we process information. Simply put, we would do well to occasionally try to put ourselves on the other side of the issue.
One thing I’ve learned over time is when I do try to understand the other side rather than just convince them of my rightness or their wrongness they seem to open up. People appreciate being heard and that leads to interesting dialog.When it comes to Jim Tressel and the situation he finds himself in, only time and the revelation of more information will allow for a final decision. For most of us his situation will not impact our relationships with loved ones or the ability to put food on the table. No, it’s mostly fodder for social media, talk radio and debate at the lunch table. Having said that, it’s not insignificant if we allow it to change us in a positive way and I think one way is to make us stop and consider our own confirmation bias.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
This month’s Influencers from Around the World article is from Cathrine Moestue. I introduced you to Cathrine last month along with Anthony McLean as new members of my Influencers from Around the World group. I know you’ll enjoy Cathrine’s exploration of reciprocity, especially those of you who are fans of The Godfather. I encourage you to reach out to Cathrine on Facebook and LinkedIn and Twitter.Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.The Happiness HypothesisI don’t know if you have read The Happiness Hypothesis but if you haven’t, then I recommend it. It is an extraordinary book on the human condition and writing about such you cannot miss out on the work of Robert Cialdini, PhD. Dr. Cialdini is the most cited living social psychologist in the world today and famous for his book Influence Science and Practice, where he enlightens readers on the six principles of influence.In The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt dedicates the whole of chapter three to one of the principles; the principle of reciprocity. He opens up the chapter and our understanding of reciprocity with a scene from The Godfather that I thought would give us a vivid understanding of reciprocity. Even though the scene is about “reciprocity with a vengeance” it is extraordinary how easy it is for us to understand this complex interaction in an alien subculture. The opening scene of The Godfather is an exquisite portrayal of reciprocity in action. It is the wedding day of the daughter of the Godfather, Don Corleone. The Italian immigrant Bonasera, an undertaker, has come to ask for a favor; he wants to avenge an assault upon the honor and body of his daughter, who was beaten by her boyfriend and another young man.Bonasera describes the assault, the arrest, and the trial of the two boys. The judge gave them a suspended sentence and let them go free that very day. Bonasera is furious and feels humiliated; he has come to Don Corleone to ask that justice be done. Corleone asks what exactly he wants. Bonasera whispers something into his ear, which we can safely assume is “Kill them.” Corleone refuses, and points out that Bonasera has not been much of a friend until now. Bonasera admits he was afraid of getting into “trouble.” The dialogue continues:CORLEONE: I understand. You found paradise in America; you had a good trade, made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. And you didn’t need a friend like me. But now you come to me and say, “Don Corleone, give me justice.” But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even call me Godfather. Instead you come into my house on the day that my daughter is to be married, and ask me to do murder for money.BONASERA: I ask for justice.CORLEONE: That is not justice; your daughter is still alive.BONASERA: Let them suffer then, as she suffers. (pause) How much shall I pay you?CORLEONE: Bonesera…Bonesera…What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you had come to me in friendship, then this scum that ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then they would be my enemies. And then they would fear you.BONASERA: Be my friend. (bows) Godfather? (kisses Corleone’s hand)CORLEONE: Good. (pause) Someday and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day…accept this justice as a gift on my daughter’s wedding day.We intuitively understand why Bonasera wants the boys killed, and why Corleone refuses to do it. We understand that in accepting a “gift” from a mafia don, a chain, not just a string, is attached. We understand all of this effortlessly because we see the world through the lens of reciprocity. Reciprocity is a deep instinct; it is the basic currency of social life.Bonasera uses it to buy revenge and Corleone to manipulate Bonasera into joining his extended family, the consequences of both will be detrimental. But we can learn how to use the principle of reciprocity wisely by first understanding it and second to practice becoming more of a “detective” of influence, not just a bungler or a smuggler. The extraordinary truth is that if we learn to use the principle ethically and understand how to properly invest in others, we will also be more effective in life.Sounds interesting? I recommend attending a “Principle of Persuasion” workshop, or reading Cialdini’s book on Influence Science and Practice.Zigong asked: “Is there any single word that could guide one’s entire life? The master said: “Should it not be reciprocity? What you do not wish for yourself, do not do unto others.”
– Analects of ConfuciusCathrine Moestue, CMCT
Organizational Psychologist
MOESTUE CONSULTING
654 Berkeley Place North
Westerville, OH 43081
614.313.1663
