Tag Archive for: Cialdini

Influencers from Around the World – What Drives Liking? Different Scenes Between the US and Korea

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This month’s article is from Hoh Kim. I met Hoh in January 2008 when we went through the certification process with Dr. Cialdini. Hoh is an extremely intelligent person. That combined with the fact that he studied and worked in America for many years gives him a great perspective to compare different principles of influence between the Asian and American cultures.
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
What Drives Liking?
Different Scenes Between the US and KoreaThe principle of liking teaches us an important life lesson. If someone doesn’t like me, then I’ll have a low chance to successfully persuade them even when I have a great idea or logic. Without a good relationship, there’s no good influence. We all know the importance of relationship. That’s why most of us spend time and energy to build networks and relationships in our personal and professional lives. That’s why we sometimes go to parties. We naturally know how to build relationships with others, from classmates and friends to colleagues and clients. However, sometimes, it’s not natural with others from different cultures. Different cultures might like different things. E. Y. Kim, a scholar in intercultural study, wrote the following in the book The Yin and Yang of American Culture: A Paradox, in 2001. Larry Samovar, Richard Porter, and Edwin McDaniel, quoted Kim in their book Communication between cultures: “Americans are action oriented; they are go-getters. They get going, get things done, and get ahead. In America, people gather for action – to play basketball, to dance, to go to a concert. When groups gather they play games or watch videos. Many Americans don’t have the patience to sit down and talk…Life is in constant motion.” My experience of living in the U.S. in 1990s and working for American companies (Merck and Edelman) in Korea tells a similar story. When we compare the American and Korean cultures, Americans prefer to “DO” together, while Koreans prefer to “BE” together. According to Dr. Cialdini, similarities are a driver for the principle of liking. Americans and Koreans will focus on “different similarities.” For example, graduating the same high school would probably mean more to Koreans than Americans. When Koreans build relationships, they tend to spend more energy to try to find out similarities such as same school, same hometown, or knowing the same people, etc. Of course, Americans will also be glad to know when someone at a party graduated the same high school but, to Koreans, in many cases, knowing the fact that someone graduated the same high school is not just good to know, but, immediately they felt that they have to give more favor to them compared to others (even paying for her or his alcohol or food bill). Probably, same hobby (doing) would mean more to Americans than Korean. Even the same thing, for example, drinking together, would mean different context. Standing bar or standing party is a very Western thing. See, Americans like to move even when drinking. Most Koreans would prefer drink together in a small group, three or four but definitely not more than 10, and in a room rather than in open space. That’s a Korean style party. At American parties, people will stand up and move here and there to meet new people and introduce each other. Koreans would stick to the same place such as a small room with same few people, of the three or four friends, and typically drink the same drinks together. So, what does it mean to us? With globalization we no longer work with the people from the same cultures so there’s a good chance you might go to another country and work with people from other cultures. For example, there are American executives in Korea working with Korean colleagues for the first time in their lives. You would have to build relationship with them. But, before you build relationship, think about what are the drivers of liking because they might be different. As an American executive in an American company operating in Korea, you might hold a standing party with Korean employees to build relationship with them. Possibly, you might feel that you would need to hold the parties (standing parties) more often but, in fact; you might need smaller group parties with Korean colleagues, rather than one big standing party, which will not be that helpful to build relationship with Koreans. Of course, if Koreans go to the States and work with American colleagues, they would need to learn how to mingle better in a standing party. Different culture means different context, and often, they key to understanding others is in that context. Hoh Kim

Parenting Made Easier with Influence

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Today, December 6, is our daughter Abigail’s 15th birthday. I can still remember looking at her in the crib thinking, “I can’t believe she’s been with us a hundred days.” Wow, does time fly! In just over three years she’ll be heading off to college and no matter where you are in the world you might hear me crying because I’ll miss seeing her every day.

To say that raising Abigail has been one of the biggest joys in my life would be an understatement. The only person luckier than me will be the man who spends the rest of his life with her. She is beautiful, fun, intelligent, has a great sense of humor, thinks deeply, is athletic and so much more. Jane and I have been very fortunate because for the most part she’s been an easy kid to raise. However, I also know some of that ease has been due to good parenting and that’s the focus of this week’s post.

I’m no child psychologist or parenting expert by any means but I have learned enough about psychology to effectively use the principles of influence in the process of raising Abigail. I believe that’s been incredibly helpful so what I’d like to do is share a few things I’ve tried and hopefully it will stimulate some ideas for you.

Liking – It’s not our job to be Abigail’s friend but it’s no secret that if your kids like you they’ll be more apt to do what you ask. We go out of our way to make sure she knows how much she’s loved and that certainly helps us as parents. For a really good parenting idea check out my post on something we call Special Day.

Reciprocity – Most parents give kids an allowance and we’re no exception. An allowance however doesn’t engage reciprocity because it’s a reward, not a gift. To engage this principle you need to be the first to act.

One way I effectively used reciprocity this summer was to give Abigail a raise in her allowance before I asked anything of her. I didn’t say, “If you’ll cut the grass I’ll give you a raise,” because she would have declined (she hates cutting the grass!). What I did was give her a raise then about a week later asked her to cut the grass. She protested a little until I said, “Abigail, I gave you a raise in your allowance and didn’t ask you to do anything. Can’t you help me out?” She cut the grass.

Consensus – This one is always at play with teenagers but most of the time parents are fighting against it because of “peer pressure” and Jane and I are no different. Rather than go into detail on on how we’ve handle the pressure to conform I’ll refer you to the post I wrote on helping teens deal with peer pressure.

Authority – It’s always good to have an outside expert come to your aid. One situation that comes to mind is eating dinner together. It’s become all too common for families to not eat dinner together and when they do it’s often in front of the television. I won’t tell you we eat together every night but we do most evenings because we know it’s a great way to stay connected. Referring to a simple fact from an expert, like most happy families eat together, helps deflect the common question, “Can’t we eat in front of the TV?”Here’s a funny, but not totally ethical, story. When Abigail was very little she didn’t like certain foods and our pleading with her didn’t help. One day Jane acted like Abigail’s doctor was on the phone. As soon as she said, “Abigail, Dr. Klinger says you need to eat your vegetables,” she ate them. Not ethical but effective because even as a little girl she knew he was an authority.
Consistency – I spend a lot of time talking to Abigail and have ever since I can remember. When something we ask her to do goes well I make sure to point that out because it acts as a mile marker down the road. The reason I do that is because it makes the next request easier. For example, I can say, “Abigail, you know I love you right? And you know mom and I want you to be happy and have fun, right? Last time we asked you to do [fill in the blank] it turned out well, didn’t it?” See where I’m going with this? I’ve built on a series of consistent “Yes” responses to get her buy-in. She knows we love her, that we want her to enjoy life and know we’ve given good advice in the past. Reminding her of those things makes it easier for her to say “Yes” to whatever we’re asking of her currently.
Scarcity – We try not to pull the threat lever too often but that is a legitimate use of scarcity. As parents we’ve all had to say, “If you don’t [fill in the blank] you’ll lose the privilege to [fill in the blank].” I do think effectively using the other principles of influence greatly reduces the need to have those kinds of tough talks with your kids. One area I was able to use scarcity was with club volleyball last year. Abigail wasn’t big on the idea of playing but I let her know if she didn’t there was probably no way she’d make the high school team. Knowing she was going to a new school where she didn’t know anyone we all agreed being on the volleyball team would be a good way to start the high school experience. Although she would have rather done things other than club volleyball she went ahead and played.
Please don’t think that using the principles is a surefire guarantee to hear “Yes” every time because it’s not. What I can tell you with confidence is that your children will say “Yes” more often if you effectively use the principles of influence – and all of this is backed by science and the understanding of human psychology. I encourage you to give it a try. It’s made our lives easier and I know it can do the same for you.PS The reason for the 4:38 AM post this week is because that’s exactly when Abigail came into the world 15 years ago. Happy Birthday Abigail, Love Dad!!
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

The Joy of Winning vs. The Pain of Losing

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A few days before the big weekend of turkey and football I saw the following quote on ESPN.com regarding the Iron Bowl, the big Alabama – Auburn rivalry — “The fear of losing the game is worse than the joy of winning and participating.” That statement came from David Housel, retired athletic director at Auburn and it was repeated during the game by Gary Danielson, one of the CBS broadcasters covering the game.

There’s a principle of influence know as scarcity which illustrates David Housel’s point; people are more motivated by what they stand to lose as opposed to what they stand to gain. It the simplest terms; if you’re like the vast majority of people you’d feel more pain by losing $100 than the pleasure you’d get by finding or winning $100. According to some behavioral economic studies, the pain you’d feel would be about twice as great as the pleasure.Was Alfred, Lord Tennyson correct when he wrote, “Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?” I’m willing to bet some who loved, lost and never loved again might beg to differ with him. I’m not advocating avoiding love, but you’d do well to consider deeply who you give your heart to because the potential pain could be worse than the perceived joy.So how can this bit of insight into scarcity help you? Two ways; motivating people to action and avoiding unwanted or unnecessary actions on your part. If you want to motivate people to action then you want to tap into scarcity. When you make a request of another, is there a legitimate downside if the person doesn’t take the action you suggest? If so then you want to make the downside part of your request. Where I work we have to renew our benefits each year by selecting exactly what we want. Signaling the deadline – if you don’t select your benefits by November 19 you won’t have any – is a surefire way to get people to act because no one wants to lose their health benefits.On the flip side there are some people who understand this principle but would use it in a less than ethical manner. For example, have you ever had a home repair salesman (roofing, siding, painting, etc.) come to your home and tell you at the end of the sales presentation, “This discounted price is only good today because I have so many other clients to see that if I have to make a return trip I won’t be able to offer you this price.” If you hear something like that, just toy with the salesman using a response along these lines, “So if I decide tomorrow that I want to go with you I can’t have this price? You’re telling me you’d rather go make another 90 minute presentation to someone who probably won’t buy instead of seeing me for about 15 minutes to make a guaranteed sale? Good luck being a successful salesman with that strategy!” Then you politely show them the door because you don’t need to deal with an unethical salesman. There are times when supplies are in short order and scarcity might legitimately be at play but all too often the line I mentioned above it just that, a line. During the holiday season, sales end at certain times so you might need to act quickly but no matter what you should always pause to consider whether or not you’re making a decision based on the merits of the item you want to buy or are you rushing into the purchase because you’re afraid of losing some perceived opportunity. Fact is, sales come and go so often that it’s seldom we truly lose an opportunity for good. Now when it comes to love, if you don’t ask that person out that you’ve had y
our eye on then you might just lose out if someone else acts first so give that some serious thought because love can be pretty awesome! Despite scarcity I’m in the camp to go for it and deal with the consequences later.And by the way, Auburn won the Iron Bowl 28-27, keeping its national title hopes alive. I suspect the joy Auburn fans felt didn’t come close to the pain that was experienced by Alabama fans, especially because the game was played at Alabama and they had a 24-0 lead at one point in the game. Ouch!Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Secret to Happiness

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As Thanksgiving approaches I thought it would be a good time to share something that I believe is a key to the secret to happiness. It’s appropriate at this time because it involves giving thanks and praise. The secret to happiness can be summed up in the following proverb, “Happy is the man who wants what he has.” I encourage you for just a moment to ponder these nine simple words:

Happy is the man who wants what he has.

Why do I believe this is a key to the secret to happiness? First, in life there are unlimited wants and desires but there’s no way they will all be fulfilled. If you allow your focus to dwell on what you don’t have or didn’t achieve that’s a sure recipe for discontentment.

Can you really choose your focus and impact your attitude? Psychologist Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor who spent three years in Nazi concentraion camps, believed you could and wrote in his classic book Man’s Search for Meaning, “Everything can be taken away from a man or woman but one thing: the freedom to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

How does this tie into influence? As I’ve dwelt on that short phrase I’ve learned to make the choice to focus on what I have, not what I don’t have. I try to focus on the good and not the bad. I’m far from perfect when it comes to this but the more I practice as time goes by the better I get.

As for influence I believe focusing on “Happy is the man who wants what he has” ties into the principle of liking. This is a simple principle of influence we’re all familiar with; people generally like those who like them. When I teach about this principle something I share that causes people to pause and think is this; when you try to get someone to like you by tapping into similarities or offering up praise you begin to convince yourself that the other person is likable. In other words, the very same things that will probably cause them to like you will also cause you to like them. It’s a double whammy for your effort!

So how does this play out for me and how can it help you? If you follow me on Facebook you know I post lots of comments about my wife, Jane, and our daughter, Abigail. Most are meant to be funny and sometimes people who don’t know me think I’m living on the edge. I suspect they think I spend many nights sleeping on the couch as punishment for my humorous posts. But, I can honestly say they only nights spent on the couch were the ones where I fell asleep watching television.

What I also try to do with those Facebook posts is praise the ones I love. I’ve had many people comment on how much they can see I love both Jane and Abigail. Whether I post a nice comment, tell someone in person, or make sure to verbalize something positive to Jane or Abigail, liking begins to work on me. If I’m constantly telling people how wonderful, smart, funny, beautiful, etc., they are, don’t you think that makes me appreciate them even more? You bet it does!

Now let’s be honest, using an example of our significant other. There will always be someone who is better looking, funnier, or more intelligent. You can fill in the trait and there’s someone who is “more” than your significant other. However, we can still make the choice to focus on them and all that they are. I tell people if God had come to me and said I could make the perfect mate I would not have gotten someone as wonderful as Jane because I would not have been creative enough nor had enough faith in God. When I think of all I have with her I would not have believed that someone would really embody all that she does. The more I choose to focus on that, the more I appreciate and love her. Is she perfect? Nope, but then neither am I.

So I have a challenge for you as we approach Thanksgiving. Start making the choice today to focus on what you have. That could be your spouse, family, home, friends, job or anything else. Make the choice to focus on the positive and appreciate those people and things. I really believe if you do so, liking will work on you causing you to find more peace, contentment and happiness.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

PEOPLE – The Hope and Hurdle of Leaders

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Last month I had a wonderful opportunity to address a group of people at Franklin University’s monthly Hall Leadership Lessons breakfast gathering. What made the experience extra special for me was the fact that my mom, wife and daughter were all in attendance. As if that were not enough, I had about two dozen friends show up along with many co-workers from State Auto Insurance.

My talk centered on using scientifically proven ways to be a more effective leader. If you think about leadership it implies having people to lead — followers, if you will. As wonderful as it might look on the surface to be a leader, leading people is hard work! There are ups and downs, good and bad, positive and negative when it comes to being a leader because of the people.

I think you’d agree that no leader goes it alone and everyone who’s had a major impact on the world did so by leading others. Jack Welsh, former CEO of General Electric, said, “Nearly everything I’ve done in my life has been accomplished with other people.” Some of you reading this might be thinking, sure Jack Welch can say that because he ran GE and could simply tell people what to do or fire them. Not so fast!

Despite what people might think, very few leaders just tell people what to do. Lyndon B. Johnson, the 36th president of the United States once said, “The only real power available to the leader is the power of persuasion.” Some people say the President is the most powerful person on earth and yet even the president has to win over voters, congressmen and senators.

So leadership happens through people and the best leaders are often the best persuaders. It all sounds good until we confront this reality, “Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you’re in business.” That statement was made more than 75 years ago by Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People. Don’t think this applies just to leading followers. While leaders primarily lead those who report directly to them, quite often they have to also get their bosses and peers to buy in to ideas. Now it’s getting complicated.

So when it comes to leadership people are our hope and our hurdle, our blessing and curse. Leaders will never accomplish great things without a strong supporting cast and getting that same supporting cast to buy into the vision and properly execute it is the ultimate challenge for the leader.

I like to say influence is all about PEOPLE – Powerful EverydayOpportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. Understanding Robert Cialdini’s six principles of influence will allow you to ethically leverage human psychology and make it much more likely to hear that word all leaders want to hear when they make a request of others — “Yes!”

The same day as the Franklin presentation I was interviewed by Audley Stephenson for his weekly blog, Hard Court Leadership Lessons. The focus of that conversation was also influence and leadership so if you’d like to learn more click here to listen to that interview.

Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those of you who took time to come down to Franklin University at 7:30 a.m. last month. I thank you for sacrificing a little sleep in order to learn how to ethically influence in order to be a more effective leader.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Flubber Shoe Ban by NBA Will Cause Sales to Jump!

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First it was performance-enhancing drugs and now it’s performance-enhancing shoes that are banned in sports. That’s right; performance-enhancing shoes have been banned by the NBA. The ban is a first for the league but I predict that censoring the new shoes will cause sales to jump out of the gym. This begs the question; has “flubber” finally made it to the NBA?

Not exactly but still, Fred MacMurray might be rolling over in his grave. Fred played Ned Brainard in the 1961 movie The Absent Minded Professor and Robin Williams later played the professor in the 1997 remake of the Disney classic which was renamed Flubber. You might recall Professor Brainard invented the substance known as “flubber” which was short for “flying rubber.” Flubber created amazing bounce to whatever it was applied to. If you’ve seen the movie then no doubt you remember seeing his college basketball players jumping as high as the gym ceiling during an important game as they trounced their opponent.

So thesenew shoes don’t exactly give the same jump as flubber but supposedly the new $300 shoe will give an “unfair competitive advantage” because it enhances a player’s vertical leap. My intent today isn’t to delve into the specifics of the shoes but rather the psychology of buying so if you want to read the full story jump over to this site; Bizmology.
Why do I predict sales of the new shoes will increase dramatically? In a word, scarcity. This principle of influence tells us people value things more when they think they are less available or diminishing. If you read Influence Science and Practice you’ll see that censorship creates a form of scarcity. The makers of the shoe also recognize this and are gearing up for higher sales.
While the shoe is no less available the perception that’s created by the ban will play on the psychology of the young athlete looking for an edge. If they’re not banned from high school or college you can bet your last dollar kids will buy them. And even if schools do ban them, that doesn’t extend to playgrounds across the country where the greatest numbers play the game. It may be a “performance enhancing shoe” but it’s not as bad as the performance enhancing substances many athletes put into their bodies so what kid wouldn’t want these shoes for pickup games?
This is no different than golf balls that are banned because they fly farther or certain golf clubs that give more distance. Many weekend golfers could care less what the PGA says because they want to feel like Tiger, Phil and the rest of the tour pros when they crush their drives on the first tee in front of their buddies.
You’ve probably heard the familiar saying, “There’s no such thing as bad publicity.” Sometimes “bad publicity” just makes us want to see, hear, touch, taste or do the thing that’s supposedly “bad” even more. I’m not the only one who thinks this.
“There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.” Brendan Behan
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” Oscar Wilde
One last point; the shoe maker couldn’t afford all the publicity they’re currently getting – for free I might add – because of this controversy. I first learned about it on CNN so I’m sure the story will make its way to other news networks, sports casts and most importantly, ESPN.
Beyond the interesting phenomenon I’ve described I encourage you to think about yourself, your product or your ideas. What are some truly unique things, or combination of things you could bring to the forefront that would allow you to incorporate scarcity to create a heightened desire? Figure that out, ethically leverage it and I guarantee desire for you, your product or your ideas will jump too.
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Don’t Live in “Scare City” this Christmas

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Yes, it’s mid October and I’m already writing about Christmas. Ho, Ho, Ho, the only surprise might be that I’ve not written about it sooner. I’m not sure what stores are like where you live but around Columbus, Ohio mega-malls are big business and very soon you’ll see Christmas on display. What this means in many cases are great deals to lure shoppers into the stores early. In the retail war the initial battle is to win your attention. “Battle” is not too strong a word because according to Dawn Hudson, Senior VP Marketing at Pepsi, “The average American receives more than 3,000 marketing messages a day!”
So how can a marketer help a retailer stand out from the crowd? A favorite tactic of marketers is to utilize the principle of scarcity to motivate you to get off the couch and visit the store. Scarcity is the term we use to describe the psychological response where people tend to place more value on things when they believe those things are rare or dwindling. If you’re wondering why this is used any more than other methods that’s because it works primarily on the subconscious level. In his book Influence Science and Practice Robert Cialdini describes our almost automatic response as a “click whir” phenomenon.
A while ago a friend at work who sat in on my influence training stopped by to give me an advertisement that caught his eye. He was aware of the influence approach Bed, Bath and Beyond took in this mailer his wife received.

The 20% coupon isn’t much different than most retailers. What was different with this one was the call to action: The Sooner You Use it the More it’s Worth! By using the coupon right away you save 20%, but if you wait it’s only worth 10% later. I think that approach is creative for a couple of reasons.

First, the ad incorporates the compare and contrast phenomenon. Most things only have value, or make sense in relation to other things. For example, if I offer you $20 you’re probably pretty happy. But, I’m willing to bet if I offer you $10, then change my mind and give you $20 instead, you’re much happier than having been offered $20 straight up. Why? Simple, now my offer is twice as much as you originally thought you were going to get. If you don’t believe me try it with a few people sometime and see how they react.

The second element of the ad that works well is how it incorporates scarcity. If you don’t use the mailer now it’s only worth half as much later. On the back of the mailer you would have seen the recipient had four full weeks to save 20% on one item, then four more weeks to save 10% on a single item. Something about that seems more motivating to me than a straight up use it or lose it approach.

Pay attention as the Christmas ad bombardment begins. Not only will you see scarcity applied, you’ll see consensus too. After all, if everyone is buying a certain gift you’re kids will probably want that same item too. But if you don’t hurry you might just miss that golden opportunity so get it soon for your kid’s sake! Seriously, there may be great deals and some items might truly be limited but with your eyes open to how retailers are trying to motivate you at least you can pause, think and make the best decision, instead of an impulsive one.
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Trappings of Success

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Ever heard of Marc Dreier? Probably not because he was overshadowed by someone I’m willing to bet you have heard of, Bernie Madoff. What a great name – Madoff – because he made off with everyone’s money! Madoff captured headlines about the same time Marc Dreier was being apprehended because Madoff’s billion dollar Ponzi scheme finally blew up. Marc Dreier was involved in his own fraudulent activity, to the tune of $700 million! No small potatoes but not quite the billion dollars Madoff was bilking people out of so Dreier flew “under the radar,” so to speak.

As I watched the 60 Minutes rerun in which Dreier was interviewed something he said caught my attention. When Steve Croft asked about his $18 million yacht, $10.5 million condo and other expensive possessions, Drier said, “Having the trappings of success was an important part of the plan.” The plan he was referring to was getting people to invest in his bogus business deals. When you’re courting millionaires you better look the part yourself if you want their confidence and their money.

All this leads to an important principle of influence – authority. This principle tells us people look to those they view as more knowledgeable than themselves, experts if you will, when they’re not sure what to do. The question is; how do you establish your authority get people to view you as an expert?Dreier was absolutely right when he talked about the trappings of success being necessary. You might be amazed at the difference they can make. And what are these trappings? Let’s look at a few, starting with appearance.Dress for success is more than just a slogan. Believe it or not something simple like a suit can make a big difference because a suit conveys authority. In his book Influence Science and Practice, Robert Cialdini details a study that proves this point as three and a half times more people follow a man in a suit when he crosses the traffic against the light than they followed a man in slacks and a t-shirt. Speaking of dress; wearing a uniform can make all the difference depending on the situation. For example, John Doe telling you to do something might not cause you to act. However, police officer John Doe giving the same instructions in his uniform, would probably elicit action from people.Jewelry, as long as it’s not flaunted in an over the top way, makes a positive difference too. When someone is seen with an expensive designer pen, wearing a Rolex watch or having gold rings, an air of wealthy is conveyed, and wealth usually comes from success.While these can also be false signs of success, too often they’re overlooked by people when they could really help. This comes to mind because not long ago we walked by Radio Shack and I commented about a salesman who’d helped us. Jane said the young guy was nice and helpful but he ought to invest in getting his shirts and pants pressed. Most times we’ve seen him he looks kind of messy and disheveled. A few simple adjustments to his appearance would make a very positive impression and give confidence to potential customers.Like it or not, it’s a fact that people do judge a book by its cover and every person you meet for the first time is assessing you. Sometimes it’s a very conscious act but most of the time it registers in the subconscious. I’m willing to guess there have been times when you met people and instantly liked or disliked them. If you were asked why you might not know the reasons but if you took the time to dissect the situation and your interaction with the person I’m sure you’d piece together all those things your subconscious registered in seconds.So here’s your takeaway – next time you go into a situation where you know you need to be persuasive, give thought to your audience and the environment you’ll be in. Make sure you have the trappings of authority in addition to a persuasive presentation and the odds of hearing “Yes” will increase significantly.Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

“People forget what you say, but they remember how you made them feel”

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Many of you reading have seen Sean Patrick’s name before because he’s written several posts for my Influencers from Around the World series. I asked Sean to write another post to generate interest because he’s in America this week. He’s visiting Columbus, to attend the Principles of Persuasion workshop I’m leading.If you’d like to meet Sean, stop by The Pub at Polaris at 6 p.m. on Friday October 8. In the meantime get to know a little about him by visiting his website, Sean Patrick Training, blog, Professional Persuader or just look him up on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter.
“People forget what you say, but they remember how you made them feel”
Warren BeattyPersuasion is defined by many as the ability to move a person or a group from one level of thought or abstraction to a level the person performing the persuasion wants to move them to. Aristotle, often regarded as the founding father of persuasion, devised a simple equation of how persuasion can be both defined and performed with the outcome of moving a person or a group from point A to point B.The process of persuasion, according to Aristotle, needed three elements in order for the movement of abstraction to happen. When these three elements are blended together, this then represents a potent mix of persuasive behavior. And what are the three elements?Pathos – Emotional appeal Ethos – Ethical, character and reputation Logos – Logical
Pathos relates purely to the emotions felt by the audience. As Aristotle put it, persuasion may come through the hearers when the speech stirs their emotions. In other words it is essential to appeal to the emotions felt by your listeners in order to be persuasive. You need EMPATHY.
Ethos related to the speaker and his or her character as revealed through the communication. For the message to be believable there has to be a source of credibility which is something that exists in the minds of the listeners. So it’s the trustworthiness that the speaker has in the eyes of the audience. It relates to the person and refers to the sincerity that exudes from the individual.
Logos refers to the actual words used by the speaker. Choice of words and use of stories, quotations and facts are important in moving the audiences over to your point of view.
I think it’s a great idea to take a look at ourselves and the way we present ourselves to the world. Do we use all three of these elements? Notice how other people present and broadcast their thoughts and ideas. More importantly look for those around you who use all three of these elements and model their behavior. Look at these people as a benchmark for your own communication style. It’ll be worth the effort.
When we look around today, pathos and logos mean nothing when a politician speaks. For example, do we believe the politicians when they tell us that our young men and women need to leave for some distant shore and potentially give up their lives for the good of the country? How about when tax increases are said to be necessary because the banks need more liquidity? Conversely this same rule applies to every other aspect of our lives and notably our personal relationships.
Aristotle’s pathos defines empathy toward the people we share our lives with either directly or indirectly. Showing empathy is a way of providing proof that we both “understand and know how it feels.” And showing this ability to perceive the true feelings of other people that you deal with is at the heart of every successful relationship.
Empathy is the ability to identify and understand the other person’s feelings, ideas and situation. It’s listening with your heart as well as your head; i.e., the ability to read emotions in others. Many people who train in the art of persuasion today, or even people who are professional persuaders prefer to use the term “connection” where empathy is concerned. Empathy is based largely on trust and before this can happen we move to ethos – source credibility or proving sincerity towards an individual or group.
This is essential if any form of persuasion is going to take place in today’s world where people have become increasingly suspicious and have developed a hardened sense of skepticism towards advertising and politics specifically. Sincerity is what allows us to attain a level of trust between people and without this process every other element in Aristotle’s model of persuasion is nullified.
Some people will emit trustworthiness more easily than others and this has been validated by the research of Dr. Robert Cialdini, as illustrated in his persuasion principle known as “Commitment and Consistency.” This is where we grow accustomed to a person because his/her actions are consistent with how we expect him/her to perform, which in turn allows us to trust this person and grow to like them. In essence the more supportive you are, the more a person will allow their true inner feelings, thoughts, desires and fears to surface. And this is a two-way street;the more we are deemed to be trustworthy towards another person the deeper and more personal will be the feelings, thoughts and desires that the person shares with you.
In NLP this is known as “going there first,” specifically within a therapeutic sense, whereby the practitioner will demonstrate empathy and sincerity by going into a genuine state so the client can then follow along and open up to a much deeper level. This same principle applies to every aspect of our lives; it is how we are wired as humans.
These core qualities have recently been highlighted as being “emotionally intelligent.” Having empathy and sincerity are the two things alone which will make you stand out as a persuasion artist even more so than brushing up on technique or presentation of your communication style. If you cannot get to the core of this principle nothing else will ever work. Our interpersonal skill is our ability to understand and act out with other people how they feel, their likes and dislikes and their motivations. The person with this ability can almost predict how others will act and is therefore able to interact with them effectively and be very persuasive. When we look around us we notice how politicians, sales people, hypnotherapists and people who outwardly social animals have this innate sense of developed intelligence.
Sean
Again, if you’d like to meet Sean stop by and see us Friday evening at The Pub at Polaris. Until then, cheers!Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”

The Matthew Effect

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Not too long ago I reread The Art of WOO by G. Richard Shell and Mario Moussa. The book focuses on ways to use strategic persuasion to sell your ideas. I particularly like how the authors use real people and situations of success and failure when analyzing the use of persuasion to sell ideas. The Art of WOO is one of the few books other than Robert Cialdini’s Influence Science and Practice and Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Persuasive that I recommend when people ask about good books on influence and persuasion.In the chapter on “Closing the Sale: Commitments and Politics” the authors describe something known as the Matthew Effect. Having read through the Bible many times this reference caught my eye. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus, while teaching on the kingdom of heaven, was asked by his disciples why He taught in parables. His reply, “For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him.” (Mt 13:12 NASV) Social scientists don’t exactly use the Matthew Effect as Jesus did but rather they use it to describe the phenomenon that sometimes people get more credit based on what they’ve done in the past. In other words, reputation matters because it builds momentum. All of this ties into the principle of influence known as authority.The principle of authority describes the reality that people value the advice of experts more than they do an Average Joe. Average Joe and Johnny Expert might both say the exact same thing and be 100% correct but more people will believe Johnny Expert. Fair? Maybe not, but the reason we believe Johnny Expert over Average Joe is because typically experts are right more often than non-experts. If you had to lay your money down whose advice will you take – doctor or nurse; general or foot soldier; Harvard professor or high school teacher? I’d place my money on the advice of the doctor, the general and the Harvard professor and I bet most of you would too. Those people may not be right all the time but they attained their positions because of years of training and being right more often than not. That’s why they’ve come to be viewed as experts. I described this in more detail last March when I wrote a post titled “Is Expert Advice Always Worth the Price?” Actually, in that article I encouraged people to pay close attention because sometimes the advice may not be worth the asking price.What I want to explore just a bit is what you can do to take advantage of the Matthew Effect. Reputation matters because it can help or hinder you. That’s not news to anyone reading this but it’s gotten more attention in recent years. In the business world, you don’t hear as much about reputation as you do personal branding these days. In the same way companies seek to create a brand, positive impressions and feelings towards their company, people are encouraged to brand themselves. I wrote a piece on Personal Branding in July 2009. Just like a great product isn’t enough to translate into great sales, sometime good, hard work doesn’t get the recognition it deserves either. Personal branding can help overcome that.At work every email I send has “When it needs to be done well!” as part of my auto-signature. I also start my voicemail saying, “Do you need something done well? Then you’ve come to the right place!” Those are both ways to get people to associate me with getting things done well. Of course just putting out a slogan isn’t enough – you have to back it up or else your brand will be worse off.Something else you can do is work to achieve expert status. I work in insurance and in my industry continuing education is important. As you pass certain exams you can earn designations. For example, a CPCU (Chartered Property Casualty Underwriter) conveys a lot about a person because it usually takes about five years of study to earn the designation.Sometimes people don’t know what a designation means and that can be good! When someone asks me what CMCT (Cialdini Method Certified Trainer) stands for it allows me to explain and let them know there are only about two dozen people in the world who currently have that designation. Stating how few people have the designation incorporates scarcity and adds even more to the brand. Finally, being able to tell people that readers from about 140 countries have visited my blog adds even more credibility.So my question for you this week is simply this; what can you do to start leveraging the Matthew Effect? What are things about you that, if people knew, could add to your credibility so your ideas are given more credence? Brainstorm this, talk to co-workers and those who know you and start making a list. Then begin to narrow the list and think of creative ways to utilize your personal selling points. Doing so might make the difference between being heard or not, between being promoted or being passed over. Life may happen to us but how we choose to deal with it is totally within our control. All but one of Jesus’ disciples made the choice to stick it out with Him. They were exposed to truths others were not and now they live on for eternity. The Matthew Effect may not be so dramatic for you but if you leverage it properly it could help your career.Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.