Tag Archive for: Influence PEOPLE

Choose Your Words Carefully Because They Matter

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This summer was a whirlwind! After an unusually heavy amount of travel in the first half of the year. I was looking forward to no airports or hotels until I began making the rounds for fall sales training. All of that changed when I made it known to the head of State Auto’s claims division that I was available if he needed my help. To be honest, I
thought he might invite me to sit in on a few meetings in our home office and share my expertise in influence. Instead he asked if I would travel to each of our claims offices to give an overview of persuasion to all of our claim reps.

Six cities and two-dozen sessions later I concluded with a presentation to the senior leaders in our claims division. As I fielded questions at the end of the talk I was reminded about the need to choose my words carefully. If anyone should be aware of this it should be the guy who teaches influence for a living! Having said that, we can all slip at times and I’m no exception.

During the presentation, I shared about a particular application of the principle of reciprocity. This principle of influence alerts us to the reality that people feel obligated to give back to those who first give to them. The particular application I shared that day had to do with concessions. That is, when we concede a little by taking a step to the middle, quite often people feel obligated to take a step towards the middle in response to our first move.

As I spoke about this I shared a story from Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., that shows how powerful concessions can be. Dr. Cialdini had some of his graduate assistants spread out across the campus of Arizona State University to randomly ask people this question:

“Hi, I’m from the juvenile county detention center and we’re looking for people who would be willing to chaperon a group of juvenile delinquents on a day trip to the zoo. Would you be willing to volunteer?”

As you might imagine, spending a day at the zoo with juvenile delinquents didn’t sound appealing so not too many people offered up their time. In fact, only 17% agreed to be chaperons.

At a later time, to test the theory of concessions the graduate assistants started with a much bigger request then retreated to a smaller request upon hearing no. It went something like this:

“Hi, I’m from the juvenile county detention center and we’re looking for people who would be willing to be a big brother or big sister for some juvenile delinquents. Generally we like people to commit a few hours every weekend and we ask that people sign up for two years. Would you be willing to be a big brother or big sister?”

As you might imagine, nobody said yes because that’s a huge commitment but as soon as that offer was rejected the graduate assistants retreated to a smaller request, the one they’d asked people days before:

“If you can’t do that, would you be willing to be a chaperon on a day trip to the zoo for some kids in need?”

The response in that case was a 50% volunteer rate. That’s triple the initial request even though it was the same time commitment – one day at the zoo!

You might not have caught the subtlety in how I shared that second request but someone from our legal department pointed out that the second request for the day trip to the zoo wasn’t exactly like the first request because dealing with “juvenile delinquents” is different than helping some “kids in need.” It’s probably easier for people to say yes to “kids in need” versus spending all day with “juvenile delinquents.”

It was a good reminder for me about how powerful words are! The reality was both requests were identical in the study but I got lazy when I shared the story that particular day. In the study both requests were to spend a day at the zoo with some juvenile delinquents so it was an apples-to-apples comparison.

This post isn’t so much about the power of reciprocity by way of concessions, as it is to remind us that we need to choose our words carefully because they matter. Frank Luntz, a conservative pollster, brilliantly shows this in his book Words that Work. I highly recommend the book because it will open your eyes to scripting used by political parties. For example:

  • Taxes. If you’re against taxing inheritances passed down to family members you’ll talk about the “death tax” but those in favor of taxing inheritances will refer to it as the “estate tax.” Each description conjures up very different images and feelings.
  • Immigration. If you’re for opening up immigration you might refer to people already here as “undocumented workers” but those against it call these same people “illegal aliens.” Again, each word choice creates very different mental pictures and feelings.

These are just two examples of how word choice describing the same thing can make a very big difference in people’s perception of the issues. Remember, what you say and how you say it can make all the difference when it comes to hearing “Yes” or “No.”

 

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

The 7 Most Common Persuasion Mistakes

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When I work with students in the Principles of Persuasion workshop we talk about three kinds of persuasion practitioners: bunglers, smugglers and detectives. Here’s a quick synopsis of each:

Detectives are folks who understand the principles of influence and look for genuine opportunities to use them in order to create a win for themselves as well as the person or people they seek to influence.

Smugglers are individuals who also have some understanding, but they look for shortcuts through manipulation. They find it easier to distort the truth or lie outright in their use of the principles of influence so they can get what they want no matter the cost to others.

Bunglers are people who don’t understand the persuasion process or principles and therefore miss opportunities to be more effective when it comes to persuasion. Or they might intuitively know a few things about the principles but don’t understand how to effectively use them. Unfortunately, the vast majority of people fall into this category, and they make predictable mistakes.In this post we’ll look at some of the most common mistakes people make when trying to persuade others. No offense, but if you find yourself doing these things, you’re bungling away persuasion opportunities.

  1. Validating undesirable behavior

There’s a lot of bad stuff that happens in society. For example, too many kids try cigarettes and cheat in school; far too many people don’t vote; violent behavior seems to be on the rise, etc. When you talk about what many people are doing – consensus – you tend to validate the bad behavior. This can cause more people to do the very thing you’re preaching against! Instead, you want to point out good behavior you want people to emulate.

  1. Highlighting gain instead of loss.

I’ve shared in recent posts about homeowners who, when told about energy saving recommendations, were informed they would either save $180 by implementing the energy saving ideas or that they would lose $180 if they failed to implement the ideas, the latter of which is an application of the principle of scarcity. Everyone I share that study with correctly guesses more people in the “lose” group made the necessary changes. And they’re correct — 150% more people in the lose group chose to incorporate the energy saving ideas. Despite intuitively knowing this, most people still go out and talk about all the things someone will gain, or save, by going with their idea. Perhaps they fear coming across as negative but they’re failing to apply the most persuasive approach, and they won’t hear yes as often.

  1. Confusing contracts with reciprocity.

Reciprocity explains the reality that people feel obligated to return a favor. In other words, if I do something for you, you’ll feel some obligation to want to do something for me in return. An example would be as follows; I’ll do A and I hope you’ll do B in return. This is very different than entering into a contract – I’ll do A IF you’ll do B. Quite often you can engage reciprocity by doing or offering far less and still get the same behavior in return.

  1. Mixing up positional authority with perceived authority.

Believing you’re an authority is far different than other people perceiving you to be an authority. Sometimes others need to know your credentials. When people rely solely on their position to gain compliance it will never be as effective as it could be if they engaged people in the persuasion process by highlighting their credentials. It’s one thing for me to do something because the boss says so versus doing the very same thing because I see the value in doing so because an expert convinced me.

  1. Failing to connect on liking.

Effective persuasion has a lot to do with relationships built on the principle of liking. It’s not always enough that someone likes your product or service. Quite often the difference maker is whether or not they like you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a salesperson, manager or someone else, spending too much time describing ideas, products, services, etc., without getting the other person to like you is going to make persuasion harder. And here’s the gem – make sure you create time to learn a bit about the other person so you come to like them, and you’ll be amazed at the difference it can make!

  1. Telling instead of asking.

Telling someone what to do isn’t nearly as effective as asking because asking engages consistency. This principle tells us people feel internal psychological pressure as well as external social pressure to be consistent in what they say and do. By asking and getting a “Yes” the odds that someone will do what you want increase significantly. In the POP workshop we talk about a restaurant owner who saw no shows fall from 30% to just 10% by having the hostess go from saying, “Please call of you cannot make your reservation” to asking, “Will you please call if you cannot keep your reservation?” The first sentence is a statement but the second is a question that engages consistency.

  1. Failure to give a reason.

When you want someone to do something, giving a reason tagged with “because” can make all the difference. As I’ve share with State Auto claim reps, “Can you get me your medical records?” will not be as effective as “Can you get me your medical records because without them I cannot process your claim and pay you?” This approach was validated in a copier study where 50% more people (93% up from 60%) were willing to let someone go ahead of them in line when the person asking gave them a reason using the word “because.”

Conclusion

So, there you have some of the most common persuasion mistakes. By pointing them out hopefully you’ll change your ways if you’ve made these mistakes before. If you’ve not bungled like this then hopefully, you’ll
avoid these mistakes now that you’re aware of them.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Hear “Yes”.

Influencers from Around the World: The Importance of Preparation Before the Sale

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This month our Influencers from Around the World post comes from Marco Germani by way of Italy. Marco has been a guest writer for Influence PEOPLE from the start. He combines great knowledge (he wrote a book about persuasion in Italian) with real world experience (he travels the world selling wine). This month’s post is excellent because I can attest to the need for preparation in sales, or any endeavor in life, if you want to succeed. Read Marco’s words of wisdom and enjoy!
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer

influencePEOPLE 

Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Importance of Preparation Before the Sale
A professional athlete would never dream of
starting a major competition without any warm-up. This would increase the risk
of getting injured and, in the best scenario, drastically reduce the
possibility of delivering a great performance. Similarly, a professional
salesperson should never approach an important sales call, without the proper
“warm-up.”
What you do in the 10-15 minutes prior to a
face-to-face or telephone conversation with a potential customer may determine
the outcome of your presentation. It is therefore surprising how most
salespeople completely ignore this principle and too often enter a meeting with
a client having no strategic preparation of any kind. Far too many people just
listen to the car radio on the way to the appointment filling their brain with
commercials, low quality music and what I like to call “chewing gum for the
ears.”
Let us instead summarize, in three points,
what a professional salesperson should do in the minutes leading up to a sales
appointment.
The first – and Golden Rule – when we are in
front of a customer is not to ask any question where the answer can be easily
found somewhere else. For example, if I ask my customer information about his
company, which I could have found on his company’s website, I am just showing
him I didn’t care to do my homework before the meeting. This is a very bad
start for any salesperson. If, on the other hand, I say to the customer, “I
understand your company has manufacturing facilities in three countries, sells
about 80% of its production outside the U.S. and is one of the top three players
in the market,” I’m showing my potential customer I’m a professional, serious
and committed person who cared enough to learn as much as possible about his business.
In addition to showing concern it also prevents wasting the prospect’s time.
This is a very good start, which builds trust and opens the door to the
possibility of starting a partnership.
In the minutes immediately prior to the
meeting, it is also a good rule to briefly review your marketing material
(presentations, any samples to show, etc.) to make sure everything is in order.
Mentally summarize the objectives of the meeting, recall any previous contact
with the customer and how you initially met. This is necessary in case you need
to refer to past details and it gives you a clear, ideal picture of how you
wish your perfect meeting would unfold.
Shortly before the meeting put yourself in an upbeat
mood and be sure to establish a positive winning attitude. Picture in your mind’s
eye the best possible scenario, in which everything goes as planned, and the
sale ends in the best possible way, with great benefit to all parties involved.
This positive attitude will be perceived by the customer, who will understand
he is dealing with a sales professional, who is prepared, confident and ready
to help him make the decisions that are in his best interests.
These three simple steps, if carried out
diligently before a sales appointment, can greatly influence the final result.
Often I hear salespeople complain about how hard it is to “bring home” a sale,
or how customers are difficult and never seem ready to make a buying decision.
If they do not do the preparation I’ve described, or preparation of any kind, then
they’re the ones to blame, not the customers! Preparation is 80% of success;
let us never forget about it!
Marco

James Bond needs no introduction, but you do!

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I read an article not too long ago that a friend passed along and felt compelled to share my thoughts about it. The article appeared in Forbes.com and was titled “Why Public Speakers Need To Copy James Bond.”

That’s a compelling title for Bond fans and speakers alike – of which I’m both – so I got sucked in and read. The author’s piece was well written and compelling…unless you know something about the psychology of persuasion.

The gist of the article was this – Bond movies open with compelling action-packed scenes, not the credits, to immediately hook moviegoers.  Speakers should do the same by starting immediately with a compelling story.

I wholeheartedly agree that a speaker starting with a good story hooks the audience but foregoing a brief introduction misses out on a golden opportunity to utilize the principle of authority which will make you more persuasive, according to the science of influence.

Imagine going to a conference and getting ready to listen to a speaker you’ve never heard of before. Will you pay more or less attention if you quickly learn beforehand the speaker was the top salesperson in their organization, or had a doctorate, or was one of only a handful in the world who does what he/she does, or had some other fact that established him or her as an expert? I’m willing to bet you’ll be more interested to listen after learning something compelling about the speaker.

Several years ago, Joshua Bell, one of the most accomplished violinists in the world, was playing a million dollar Stradivarius violin in a public subway. Despite the fact that people pay several hundred dollars to hear him in concert, hardly anyone paid attention that particular day in the subway. His beautiful music was the equivalent of a compelling story, but it wasn’t enough to grab people’s attention. Do you think people would have stopped to listen if they knew he was one of the greatest violinists in the world and that he was playing a million dollar instrument?

I’d bet you any amount of money that many, many more people would have paid attention to him and his music.

James Bond enjoys a brand very few individuals can claim. Warren Buffett, Bill Clinton and a few others would need no introduction before giving a speech, but you and I do, so here are six tips for your intro when presenting to a group of any size:

  1. You write the introduction. Don’t leave this to chance because nobody knows you and your expertise like you do.
  2. Keep it short. An intro of 100-200 words is plenty because too long and it’s boring, but too short and you may omit something important.
  3. Make sure it’s audience appropriate. There may be interesting things you’ve accomplished that have nothing to do with the talk so leave out those things.
  4. Include something personal. This allows audience members to connect with you on a personal level which invokes the principle of liking.
  5. Have a third party introduce you. You do this because someone else can say things about you that will sound like bragging if you say them.
  6. Make sure the introduction happens before the talk. Unlike the movies where the credits come later, you want people to feel compelled to listen before you even open your mouth.

Talking about Bond as a model for speaking makes for a compelling headline but not everything, he does will work for you and me. That’s the difference between movies and reality. So, my advice is this; find out what the science says then diligently apply it and you’re sure to give a more persuasive presentation.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE
Helping You Hear “Yes”

As noted last week; Dr. Cialdini has a new book coming out that he’s coauthored with Steve Martin and Noah Goldstein, Ph.D. The book is called The Small Big and can be pre-ordered here.

Which Restaurant to Choose in Boston…or Anywhere Else

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About a month ago, Jane, Abigail and I enjoyed a long weekend in Boston. Boston has been one of my favorite cities ever since I ran the Boston Marathon in 2004 and 2005. If you’ve never been there, I highly encourage you to go! The mixture of old and new architecture, interesting pubs and restaurants, Boston Commons, Cheers, and the Freedom Trail are just a handful of cool things to do.

We spent a good bit of time at Faneuil Hall, a well-known market where there are street performers, historic sites, interesting shops and lots of restaurants to occupy your time. While we were enjoying an unusually cool, beautiful summer afternoon walking through the market, I overheard a young man say to his girlfriend, “When you see a restaurant without a line and the others are crowded you don’t want to go there. There’s a reason it’s not crowded.”

I doubt someone had to teach him the psychology of persuasion for him to understand the reality that crowds usually signal a good place to eat whereas empty tables typically mean the food and/or service must not be so hot. What he described was the principle of social proof in real time – we look to others when trying to decide on the best course of action. We can be influenced by what many others are doing or smaller groups who may be like us. Either way, to a great degree, we base our actions on the observation of others. And this is only heightened when we’re unsure what to do.

It’s not uncommon at all for us to make quick decisions based on the principles of influence just like that young man. That shows how easily, and quite often unconsciously, we’re influenced by the principles. Here’s another example. Several weeks ago, I wrote about a study by the University of California. Homeowners were given energy saving ideas and one group was told if they implemented the recommendations they would save about $180 on their electric bill in the coming year. Another group was told they would lose $180 over the next 12 months if they didn’t adopt the recommendations because they would overpay on their electric bill.

Whenever I share that study and then ask people which group they think was more likely to implement the energy saving ideas, everyone says the group that was told they’d lose the $180. And they’re correct! The “lose group” had 150% more people act than the “save group.”

Again, like the young man in Boston they intuitively got it. Yet time and time again we see people highlighting the benefits of some change rather than pointing out what people might lose if they don’t go along with what’s being asked or recommended. They’re bungling away an opportunity to effectively persuade using the principle of scarcity!

I’m guessing you’re reading this blog because you want to be more effective when it comes to persuasion. So, the real question for you is how you will use your knowledge of the principles. It’s not enough to understand the principles (head knowledge); you must put them into action ethically and correctly.

For example, some people respond to “thanks” by saying, “That’s how we treat all of our customers.” That’s a major bungle because that’s not effective use of consensus. Telling someone you’re treating him or her just like everyone else after you’ve done something to help him or her only diminishes the special feeling we all want. Better to say, “We were happy to do that. We appreciate your business.”

Back to our young couple. If they were like most people milling around Faneuil Hall, they were probably tourists and in the absence of a recommendation from a local they didn’t know the best spots to go for dinner. I don’t know where they ended up dining that night, but odds are, if they were willing to wait for a seat at one of the more crowded restaurants, they probably had a better experience. And that goes not only for Boston but anywhere you’re looking for a good spot to eat.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

The Pain of Regret And What You Can Do About It

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Last week, the world lost one of its best-known comedians when Robin Williams ended his life after struggling for years with severe depression. Williams was beyond famous; he was beloved. We lose famous people all the time, but I cannot recall seeing such an outpouring of gratitude, sympathy, and a sense of loss on social media as I saw with his passing. I wonder if he’d have known how big an impact, he had on so many people, and how deeply they felt connected to him, if it would have made a difference in his last moments.

This post isn’t about Robin Williams, but his passing brings to light the reality about how much we experience the pain of loss. Behavioral economists Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize winner, and his late partner, Amos Tversky, studied this phenomenon and here’s what they found: Humans feel the pain of loss – an application of the principle of scarcity – anywhere from 2.0-2.5 times more than the joy of gaining the very same thing.

Here is a sad but true reality – we will eventually lose everyone we love, or we will be lost to those who love us. There is no way to avoid the pain of loss known as death.

There is however a pain we can reduce or remove during our lifetimes – the pain of regret. Unfortunately, all too often we have this pain heaped on top of the pain of loss. You may have already experienced it or seen others deal with it. The pain of regret comes out in statements like these:

I wish I would have…

I should have…

I could have…

I regret that I didn’t…

The list could go on and on. We are so pressed by life, too often by our own choices, that we don’t give ourselves enough to those who mean the most. In the midst of loss and the pain of regret people see more clearly that loved ones and those who’ve impacted their lives in meaningful ways are far more important than a new house, cleaning the car, spending a few more hours in the office, or checking the text that’s coming in at that moment.

So, what are we to do? As human beings we must never forget we have the capacity to choose! We can choose to spend less time at work, to not worry so much about the house, to realize washing the car can wait, to know the world won’t end if we don’t check our text every few minutes.

I’m sure many people wish they’d have told Robin Williams how much he meant to them, the joy his movies brought into their lives, and how the laughter he gave them brightened their day. But they can’t now.

The past is over, nothing more than a memory now, and the future isn’t guaranteed. All you have is the moment you’re living in right now so what will you do with it? Will you take the time to hug your spouse or kids a little tighter, perhaps a little longer, and tell them you love them? Will you reach out to someone you’ve not talked to in a while say, “I’m thinking of you and appreciate you?” Maybe you could thank your parents for all they invested in you. I could go on, but you get the point. Connect with someone in a meaningful way because it will benefit both of you.

Life is short. I’m already 50 years old and 25 didn’t seem that long ago. God willing, I may look back at 75 and think, “Wow, those last 25 years went by faster than I could have imagined!” I don’t want to live with regret. Losing anyone I love will be hard enough, but I want to look back and know I spent my time on earth well. My hope is you can do the same.

 

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influence PEOPLE – A New Video

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This week is a short post to share a new video I recently put online. The clips are from a keynote presentation I gave this past May in Cleveland, Ohio. The event was the annual I-Day Convention sponsored by the Insurance Board of Northern Ohio (IBNO). I hope you enjoy it.

If you’re getting this post via email click here to watch the video on YouTube. 

Is your organization interested in learning how the science of influence can help move your initiatives ahead? I can help! Contact me about keynotes, training, coaching or consulting.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

No Battle Plan Survives Contact With The Enemy

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There’s a saying in the military that’s attributed to Helmuth von Moltke, a German Field Marshall in the 1800s – “No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.” Why plan for battle then?

The late Bill Walsh, the Hall of Fame head football coach of the San Francisco 49ers, was known for scripting out the first 15 plays his offense would run to start the game. Quite often the script was out the window depending on what happened during the first few downs of the game. Why prepare a script then?

In many martial arts, practitioners go through forms or katas that simulate fight sequences against multiple opponents. It’s highly unlikely that any fight ever unfolded as laid out in a kata. Why
practice the sequences then?

In each case it seems as if the best preparation is a gamble, a potential waste of time and effort, so why go through the motions? Because there’s value in planning beyond the plan. Things may not unfold as planned but soldiers, athletes, and martial artists are more prepared for different eventualities than if they never trained or planned.

How confident would you be in your country’s ability to defend your homeland if they didn’t train and plan? How confident would you be about victory if your favorite sports team had no game plan? How confident would a martial artist be if they never thought about and practiced defending against multiple opponents only to find themselves facing several attackers?

The same thought process applies in persuasion. Many of the concepts I teach in the two-day Principles of Persuasion Workshop® take time and preparation. You see, being an effective persuader isn’t about being a silver-tonged devil in the moment any more than success on the battlefield is just about weapons, or being a good athlete on the football field, or kicking high in martial arts. All of those things are helpful but the best in each field succeed because they prepare and train.

So, what does preparation look like in persuasion? It starts with learning the science of influence. With more than 60 years of research in this field we can turn to studies that clearly tell us which principles of influence to use and when. This understanding will lead to more consistent success than relying on someone’s good advice, what worked for a friend, or your best hunch.

Another way preparation leads to success comes with homework; learning as much as you can about the person you’re trying to persuade. The more you know about someone before you meet with them the easier the persuasion process will be for a couple of reasons.

You can invoke the principle of liking by connecting on what you have in common or offering up genuine compliments. Scanning Facebook, reviewing a LinkedIn profile, or a quick Google search might be all it takes to find the commonalities or things to genuinely compliment.

To effectively utilize the principle of consistency you want to tie your request to what someone has said or done in the past, what they believe, their values, attitudes, etc., because people like to remain consistent in those areas. Again, many of these can be uncovered simply by doing a little research in advance of your meeting.

Will your next attempt at persuasion go as planned? Probably not. Will you be better off having done some planning and preparation? Almost assuredly!

So, here’s my advice – next time you have something important you want someone to say “Yes” to do a little homework beforehand and then allow yourself to see the situation unfold in your mind’s eye in different ways. These seemingly small things could have a big impact on the outcome.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

No Pain, No Gain – A Sports and Persuasion Motivator

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It’s almost August and football season is right around the corner. All across the country football coaches from Pee Wee leagues up through the NFL are exhorting players to push themselves to be the best they can be. Many will go through grueling workouts; some enduring “two-a-days” and a familiar cry from coaches will be “No pain, no gain!”

I remember my high school football coach repeating that phrase many times during my three years of varsity football. The meaning was simple – sacrifice now and reap the rewards later. Lifting weights, running wind sprints, repeating drills, and long practices in the hot summer sun would all be worth it when we achieved victory on Friday nights under the lights in front of our parents, friends and community.

In persuasion, “no pain, no gain” has a different meaning but can lead to success just as is did on the gridiron. When trying to influence others it’s good to know this simple concept – people are more motivated by what they stand to lose (pain) versus what they might gain. This is a form of scarcity.

The late Amos Tversky, a cognitive and mathematical psychologist, and Daniel Kahneman, a psychologist, studied this phenomenon of human behavior. In fact, Kahneman won the noble prize for his work in this area in 2002.

Here’s what Tversky and Kahneman learned – people experience the pain of loss anywhere from 2.0-2.5 times more than the joy of gaining the same thing. So imagine you find $100 bill on the way to your car after work. You’re elated! You drive home with a broad smile, feeling great about your good fortune. You pull into the driveway and walk into your home with extra spring in your step. As soon as you see someone you begin to tell him or her about your good fortune. You reach into your pocket to pull out the big bill…and it’s gone! How do you feel at that moment? Odds are you feel much worse than however good you felt when you found it. And here’s your litmus test; you left the house in a good mood without a $100 bill, got home without the $100 bill, but now you feel bad…really bad!

Why is this important to know? Sometimes you have a choice about how you’ll frame a request – highlight the gain or highlight the loss – and that small decision could be the difference between a “Yes!” or “No!” quite often.

In one study of homeowners by the University of California, people were given energy saving ideas. One group was told if they implemented the recommendations they would save an average of $180 on their electric bill over the next 12 months. Another group was told they would lose $180 during the next 12 months if they didn’t adopt the recommendations because they would overpay on their electric bill.

It’s the same $180 but when the group that was told they would lose heard this, 150% more decided to implement the energy saving recommendations. That’s a pretty significant difference just by changing the way information was presented. It costs no more to say it either way but the end result was huge.

What does this mean for you? Next time you present to someone think about how you might highlight potential loss instead of what someone might gain. For example, if you’re in financial services encouraging someone to save a bit more could make a huge difference in their retirement.

Gain Approach – Bob, if you can find a way to set aside 1% more of your income that could mean an additional $250,000 by the time you retire.

Loss Approach – Bob, if you can’t find a way to set aside 1% more of your income that could mean losing $250,000 by the time you retire!

The financial rep employing the loss approach will be more successful over the long run and clients will appreciate the advice when they hit retirement because they’ll have much more in their bank accounts.

I’m not encouraging you to be a negative Nellie but I am encouraging you to use language that scientific research has proven will be more effective in helping you hear “Yes!” That’s what this blog is all about – making small changes in your persuasion approach with people in order to generate big differences.

Every Human Society Teaches Its People This

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Marcel Mauss, the late French Sociologist, wrote a book called The Gift. He asserted that gifts are never truly free because reciprocity dictates that people return the favor by doing something for the gift giver. He went so far as to say every human society raises its people in the way of reciprocity.

I’m on the Westerville Education Foundation (WEF), a non-profit board that raises money for the Westerville schools when budgets fall short or where budgets may not cover certain expenses. I was persuaded to join the board by two State Auto colleagues who had been through my Principles of Persuasion workshop years ago.

A few weeks ago I was manning the WEF booth during a Fourth Friday event, a summer event in which residents pack uptown Westerville for food, drink, and music while vendors display their wares. One way the WEF tries to grab people’s attention is by using a game kids can play and win prizes. While the children play we hand out literature to their moms and dads and quickly tell them what we do.

As I volunteered I couldn’t help but notice something that happened in nearly every instance after a child won a prize. One of the parents would inevitably say to their child, “What do you say?” Upon hearing that every child turned to us and said, “Thank you,” before leaving with their prize.

That simple act was repeated so often it made me think about Marcel Mauss and his belief that every human society teaches its people to respond to the act of giving. The principle of influence known as reciprocity says we feel obligated to give back to those who’ve first given to us. This is where the phrase “much obliged” comes from. It is a simple acknowledgment that once somebody has done something for us we feel obligated to do something for him or her at some point in the future.

As parents teach their children to respond to acts of kindness and gifts with a “thank you” they are conditioning their kids to reciprocate. As the children grow up they learn more sophisticated ways to repay the favor. Eventually acts of kindness are met with thank you letters, thank you cards and return gifts.

The key to utilizing reciprocity is to be the first to act, the first to give. Once you’ve given something to another person the principle is set in motion and they feel somewhat indebted to you. If you wait for someone to do something for you, then you’ll be the one in debt.

You don’t need a budget to ethically engage reciprocity. Simple acts of kindness trigger the principle. When someone feels what you’ve done for them is genuinely in their best interest – as opposed to an act of giving simply to curry a favor – they’ll want to freely reciprocate most of the time.

If you want to become a master persuader then start looking for ways to become a giver. It becomes much easier as you begin to change your thinking from “who can help me?” to “whom can I genuinely help?”

Opportunities to give and help are always abundant so take stock in who you are, your resources, talents, etc., and begin looking for ways to use those to benefit others. Don’t be afraid of losing anything in the process because as the late Zig Ziglar famously told audiences for decades, “You can get everything you want in life if you’ll just help enough other people get what they want.” Zig was 100% correct because the more people you help, the more people will want to help you when you need it.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.