Tag Archive for: Influence PEOPLE

Just a Little Respect Please

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A few weeks ago we looked into some great advice for maintaining good relationships – avoid arguments whenever possible. This week we consider another Dale Carnegie tip that can make that a little easier –Show respect for other’s opinions and never say, “You’re wrong.”Aretha Franklin sang about R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Showing respect to someone is acknowledging their worth as a human being. We may not like the person we’re dealing with but we can still treat them with dignity. Think about how you’d want someone to treat a loved one; your spouse, a parent or your child. The person you’re dealing with probably falls into one of those categories and has someone who hopes they’re treated with respect.My worldview is a Christian one and my faith tells me all people are created in the image of God. It also teaches me that I’m to love my neighbor as myself. In light of those two tenents, showing respect for another person seems like the least I can do. You may not hold the same faith as I do but I hope you can agree that every human has value and should be treated with dignity and respect.When you don’t show respect you can be sure the other person won’t be open to listen and will probably just look for an opportunity to disrespect you. It becomes a game of “tit for tat” which accomplishes nothing.Now onto the second part of Carnegie’s advice, never say “You’re wrong.” What’s so bad about that? Sometimes people are flat out wrong! Someone might erroneously state something as fact when it can easily be proven to be incorrect. Example, “Ronald Reagan was the37th President of the United States.” It would not be incorrect to say, “You’re wrong. He was the 40th President. Google it and you’ll see.”However, let’s think about it for a moment. If your goal is to win friends and influence people (not make enemies and alienate others) then you might want to approach the situation a bit differently. It requires tact and strategy.First, never forget people have a vested interest in being right, especially when others are present. It can be embarrassing to know you made a mistake and it’s significantly worse when you feel others know about it. Saying, “You’re wrong” to someone is like pouring salt on a wound…it will produce a sharp reaction!Most people will naturally push back when pushed and that occurs emotionally as well as physically. When you tell people they’re wrong, they usually don’t want to give you the satisfaction of being right (winning) so they’ll look for any reason they might have been justified in what they said or did…no matter how wrong you might think they are. This happens naturally because of the psychological principle of consistency. People feel the need to be consistent in what they say and do so they’ll manufacture reasons to support their actions. If you recognize this you can work around it rather than against it.You and I might agree on many things that are wrong. For example, stealing. I bet everyone reading this would agree taking what’s not yours is wrong. However, even criminals quite often believe they were justified in breaking the law. Their reasons may not be valid to you but they have their reasons.Rather than confronting someone head on, try an end around. If you think someone is wrong, ask the person questions that might help you lead down a different path, one that might allow the individual to consider other alternatives. This is especially valuable because if a person feels he or she has discovered the solution, and it wasn’t forced upon them, they are more likely to change their mind. Remember, your goal isn’t to be right; it’s about preserving a relationship.Here would be a non-threatening way to approach the Reagan fact, “Really, President Reagan was the 37th President? I didn’t know that. Do you remember where you heard that or read it because I thought he was 40th or 41st. Now I’m curious. Wait a second and I’ll do a quick Google search on my phone and find out.” This never implies “You’re wrong and I’m right” and allows the person to save face if others are around.I assume you’re reading this blog because you want to improve your ability to communicate, learn to be persuasive, enjoy your relationships with other people more and have a little less stress. Making a choice to show respect for other’s opinions and never say, “you’re wrong,” will go a long ways towards making those goals become reality.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Facebook: Right Ways and Wrong Ways to Motivate

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There’s a right way and a wrong way to go about motivating people to take action. I thought I’d write about this subject because it’s relevant based on some Facebook messages I’ve seen several times in recent months. If you’re on Facebook you might have seen the following message or some variation of it:

“In memory of family and friends who have lost the battle of cancer and the ones who continue to conquer it! Put this on your page if you know someone who has or had cancer. Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen. 93% won’t copy and paste this, will you?”

The intent of the person and message is wonderful, to get people to pray for those with cancer, pass along the message and create more awareness. Unfortunately the method to motivate people to act on it is poor. After all, if 93% of people won’t copy and paste the message, why should you or I? Worse yet, that phrase tries to shame people into action. If someone feels shamed you can bet they won’t take action. This type of “motivation” is seen all the time in chain letter emails:

– “There were 12 tribes of Israel and 12 disciples. If you love God will you take a moment to send this to 12 friends?”
– “I cared enough to send this to you and 10 others; will you do the same for 10 people you care about?”
– “Please don’t break this. Send it to at least 7 of your friends.”

This isn’t an indictment against anyone who did take the time to post the message because they didn’t come up with the message. All they’ve done is copy and paste the message that’s been floating around. We can applaud their effort to do something good but there’s a more effective way to spread the word.

In psychology there’s a principle of influence known as consensus which tells us people are motivated to certain behaviors when they see others engaged in the same behavior. The motive to act is strengthened if the people observed are just like us or if there happen to be many people engaged in the behavior. Parents know all about this except they call it peer pressure, not consensus.

As a society all too often we make the same mistake the Facebook message makes. Consider the following two scenarios:
Voting – Messaging used to focus on what a shame it was that so few people voted. Shame was used when we were reminded that people died for our right to vote. Result – why go vote when so many others are not. Contrast that with the messaging before the 2008 presidential election, “A record turnout is expected.” That simple message helped change behaviors and we did end up having a record turnout. The thought process for many people was, “I better get there early if I want to vote.” There was an interesting Time magazine article on this, “How Obama is Using the Science of Change.”

Cheating in School – “Back in 1940, only 20 percent of college students admitted to cheating during their academic careers. Today, that number has increased to 75 to 98 percent.” (Education-Portal.com) Interpretation for students – I might as well cheat because everyone else is cheating.

So let’s circle back to the Facebook message and see what might be more effective. Simply replace, “93 % won’t copy and paste this, will you?” with something like this, “After reading this some of my other FB friends took time to copy and paste this onto their wall. I’d appreciate it if you would too.” This change is small but could produce a big result because it appeals to consensus; my Facebook friends, people like you, are doing this.

Beyond Facebook, take a look at how you’re trying to motivate people to action. If you talk about a negative behavior and how so many people are engaging in that behavior you’re probably hurting your attempt to change the behavior. Talk about how many kids aren’t cheating or how few kids were cheating in 2008 vs. some other year. Mention how fewer people are driving drunk or how more people voted than ever in 2008 and that number will go up on 2012. With a little forethought and small changes in your messaging you could see much, much better results for your cause.

Finally, thanks to all of you who forwarded Influence PEOPLE to others last week. I had a nice bump in readership, my third highest week ever, and got some new followers to boot. As I shared in last Monday’s post, someone would win Dr. Cialdin’s book Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Persuasive. Congratulations to the lucky winner Kelli Moore.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Making Your But More Powerful

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This week I had an opportunity to write a guest post for Mike Figliuolo, Managing Director of thoughtLEADERS, LLC – a leadership development and training firm based in Columbus, Ohio. Mike regularly writes for the thoughtLEADERS blog and has written guest posts for Influence PEOPLE so I’m always happy to return the favor. Below is the opening for a guest article I wrote called Making Your But More Powerful.


Last week I read Mike’s article Managerial Miscues: “The But(t) Sandwich” (Reprise) and told him I really liked it but…
The article addressed how people often blow it when it comes to bringing about behavioral changes because all too often they want to appear nice so they say something nice then finish with “but…” and take the other person to the proverbial woodshed. Not effective management.I teach classes on ethical influence and persuasion and one of the things I talk about with people is the power of transitional words like “but” and “however.” We focus on how to strategically use those words to make the most effective presentation because small changes can make a big impact!Here’s the basic teaching point for you to remember when it comes to transitional words – people forget what comes before “but” and focus on what comes after. For example, has anyone ever said this to you, “Honey, I love you but…”? Odds are, all you remembered was the hammer falling after hearing the word “but.” Click here to read the rest of the article at thoughtLEADERS.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

SuperFreakonomics and Monkey Business

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Have you read SuperFreakononics yet, the follow up to Freakonomics? If not you’ll want to pick it up because it’s an interesting way to apply economic theory to different aspects of life. If you enjoyed Freakonomics, you’ll like SuperFreakonomics too.

I’m not here to plug the book, rather, I want to share something I found fascinating that relates to the Principles of Influence I share each week in this blog. What I’ll share has to do with scarcity, the principle of influence that tells us people are motivated to action when they believe something is rare or becoming less available.

Another aspect of scarcity is this – people tend to be more motivated to action when they stand to lose something as opposed to when they stand to gain the very same thing. For example, if I’m selling a product and tell potential customers, “If you don’t buy our product, you’ll lose $750 dollars a year,” that will persuade more people to buy the product than if I said, “If you buy our product you’ll save $750 a year.” Think about the mental picture for a moment. The first appeal, losing, makes most people think about reaching into their pocket and handing over their hard earned money. I don’t know about you but that’s something I don’t particularly like doing so I’ll do what I can to avoid it.

The last chapter of SuperFreakonomics is called, “Monkeys Are People Too.” I almost skipped it and I’m sure glad I didn’t! It deals with whether or not monkeys can be taught how to use money and place value on things as humans do. In the case of monkeys, it was valuing treats.

It turns out they can learn the money/value concept so the person teaching the monkeys tried different things to see how far reaching their grasp was. One way they tried this was gambling. The monkeys could literally bet, possibly winning more treats, or possibly losing treats.

What really fascinated me was this – the monkeys responded more to the potential gambling loss than the potential gain which led the authors to write, “A rational monkey wouldn’t have cared, but these irrational monkeys suffered from what psychologists call ‘loss aversion.’ They behaved as if the pain from losing a grape was greater than the pleasure of gaining one.”

Just like people, monkeys seem to be hard-wired to avoid loss more than they are attracted to pleasure. And here’s another way they are very much like humans in this regard; the authors went on to write, “people make the same kind of irrational decisions at a nearly identical rate.” There are a few other fascinating insights with the monkeys – how they used the money and how it changed their behavior. They quite literally engaged in “monkey business” but I’ll leave it to you to read that on your own.

So what does this mean to you? First, as I’ve shared before, the principles of influence do not guarantee everyone will do what you want. But, ethically employed, utilizing the principles can make you much more successful. I write that with confidence because scientific studies show this to be the case.

With a principle such as scarcity, things are going on inside our brains that quite often we’re not aware of. Whether on a conscious or subconscious level, we want to avoid pain and obtain pleasure. The key thing to remember is this – most people want to avoid pain more than they seek to obtain pleasure.

And now we come to the take-away; next time you want to motivate someone to take action, and you can phrase your request in such a way that has an upside or a downside, you’ll be more likely to hear “Yes” by telling them about the downside as opposed to the upside. (Drawing by Michael Franzese, Franzeseinklings)

I’ll end by saying, this approach has nothing to do with being a positive or negative person, this is about being successful or unsuccessful with regard to your attempt to influence people. Agree? Disagree? Leave a comment below to let me know what you think.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

The 7 Best of the Best

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This week’s post is a little different. Rather than going with a new post on Dale Carnegie advice I’m going with “The 7 Best of the Best” for a couple of reasons. First, I have a lot of new readers and I’d like to expose them to some prior posts folks seemed to really enjoy.

Second, with the Thanksgiving holiday I didn’t want to work too hard because it was time to enjoy friends and family. I hope you took time to relax and give thanks too. So here goes, in no particular order, seven interesting influence posts. I hope you find them humorous, entertaining and most important, informative.

Reverse Psychology and the Vacation Bathing Suit
Okay, maybe I wasn’t completely ethical when I tricked Jane into buying the bathing suit I liked for vacation but I think you’ll agree, it’s a funny story.

My Best Parenting Advice
Want your child to be better behaved or smarter? Here’s a great tip to make one, or both, of those happen.

Why Influence is about PEOPLE
Learn about Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical.

Fanzese or Frazetta: Do Names Really Matter?
Did Dennis become a dentist because of his name? Did Mary move to Marysville because of the association with her name? Science says it’s very likely.

What Chevy Chase Didn’t Do Before Vacation
Don’t make the mistake Chevy Chase did before vacation and lose business as a result. Find out what you need to do before you leave the office next time. Timely advice with Christmas just around the corner.

“Because I Said So” Mom or Dad
One simple word can make you significantly more persuasive and help you get what you want. Read on and find out…because I said so.

Golf Advice from Corey Pavin
It didn’t matter that I said it first, Jane only paid attention when Corey Pavin said it! Sometimes it’s not what’s said but who says it that really matters.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, thank you to all of you who follow Influence PEOPLE each week. I’m amazed that people in nearly 70 countries have read what I write each week! I enjoy writing this blog and it makes my day when I hear you enjoy reading so if you have comment, click on the comment link below and let me know what you think.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Listen to Influence Tips on CinchCast

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A Facebook friend, Ardy Skinner, author of The Lavish Cheapskate, turned me on to a very cool tool I want to share with all of you. CinchCast is a website that allows you to record messages from your phone and share them with others over the Internet. Ardy broadcasts 1-2 minute tips to help you find ways to stretch your dollar and live “lavishly” while spending like a “cheapskate.” To listen to some of Ardy’s helpful advice click here.

Knowing some people learn best through listening, I decided to add CinchCast as a new way to share influence tips with folks. On my site, www.CinchCast.com/BrianAhearn, I now broadcast a 2-3 minute “Influence Tip of the Day” every Monday through Friday. Take a moment to visit my page to see and hear what I’m talking about. As I record tips I categorize them according the six principles of influence and add a written comment concerning each tip so you can easily find what you want to learn about most.

If you like what you hear and listening is your preferred learning method then sign up as a follower on CinchCast and you’ll get an email reminder whenever I post a new tip. I realize not everyone is into following blogs so if you know someone who might enjoy learning through listening, I’d really appreciate it if you’d take a moment pass this along help me spread the word.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Quit Trying to be Interesting and Get Interested

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Dale Carnegie noticed six easy things any of us can do to get people to like us. Before we dive in, let me start by saying, it’s not so much about us getting others to like us as much as it’s about us coming to like them. For example, if I interact with you, I can do things to try to make you like me and you’ll probably see right through it. You’ll feel as though I’m using a cheesy sales technique. Or I can go into a situation with the mindset that I want to make friends and enjoy the people I interact with. Now I might do the very same things but people see the sincerity of someone who really wants to like them and that makes all the difference.

So the first thing we’ll look at is the advice to become genuinely interested in other people. In other words, quit trying to be interesting and get interested.

A few weeks ago I mentioned everyone’s favorite radio station WIIFM, call letters for “What’s In It For Me.” This is the preoccupation of most people’s thoughts. Reality check – people are more concerned about themselves than they are about you. If you want to come to know them, like them and perhaps have them like you then don’t fight it. Carnegie said we could make more friends in two months than we could in two years by becoming interested in others rather than trying to be interesting.

Sounds easy enough but what’s that look like, being interested in others? First thing I’d say would be give them your full attention. If you’re meeting with them in person that means maintaining eye contact and displaying body language that indicates you’re open to them and what they’re sharing. Don’t sit back, arms folded, legs crossed with a blank expression. All it takes is a smile, head nod to indicate agreement and perhaps a slight lean forward. I bet you can do each of those things.

If you happen to be on the phone stop everything you’re doing…including looking at your computer. Ask yourself, “If the person was sitting in front of me would I be doing what I’m doing right now?” If the answer is no then stop whatever you’re doing so you can pay full attention. Take notes if for no other reason than to focus on the other person and what they’re saying.

How about this; don’t listen to respond, instead, listen to understand. That means you’re not jumping in each time they take a breath so you can share your thoughts
or your stories. The more natural thing would be to ask questions to learn more about them or what they happen to be talking about.

Here’s an idea — you can take the initiative and talk about something you know is important to the other person. Perhaps you’ve heard they are into gardening. If you’re like me that may be something you have no interest in but you can still ask them about it because it’s important to them. How do people feel when they talk about something or someone they love? How do they feel when they talk about causes they’re passionate about? What about fond memories? You’re probably thinking, “Of course they feel good when they recall such things and talk about them.” Bingo!

When people talk about what they love or what they’re passionate about they feel energized and good. Eventually they come to associate those positive feelings with you. Think back to a time when someone said or did something that hurt you. If they did it repeatedly you probably tried to avoid that person. On the flip side, when you had good, positive interactions with people you began to associate good feelings with them and wanted to be around them. It’s the same deal here, only this time you’re making a more strategic decision to engage the other person on their terms in hopes of engaging the liking principle.

This strategic decision is an important one. When I interview people I typically ask for a strength of theirs and most often I hear something like, “I have great relationships with my agents and CSRs.” So people are aware relationships are important but they usually fall flat when I follow up with this question, “Suppose you get this job and you’re going to visit your assigned agents for the first time. What will you do to connect with them as quickly as possible so you can build a strong working relationship quickly?” This is where people stutter and hesitate. It’s easy for them to sense when someone likes them but they’re not always sure why that’s occurred.

Understanding a simple concept like becoming genuinely interested in others and making it a focus of your interaction will help you become a more likable person. Never underestimate the power of liking. Jeffrey Gitomer put it best when he said, “All things being equal, people want to do business with their friends. All things not being so equal, people still want to do business with their friends.” Being a good friend will get you the benefit of the doubt every time, whether professionally or personally.

If you’ve had success making friends with a strategy like this, or some other way, leave a comment below to let me know about it.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

A Special Day Indeed

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One thing I love about teaching ethical influence and persuasion is the wide range of application of the principles of influence. Understanding what triggers a “Yes!” response, then tailoring your communication can make life much easier and lead to more success. This applies to business as well as your personal life.

This week’s post is primarily for parents. I want to share an idea to help you raise your kids, or possibly grand kids. I truly believe if your child knows you love them unconditionally, that you have their best interests at heart, that they are special in your eyes, it will be easier to persuade them to do what you want them to do — what they need to do. That would include the monotonous things like eating healthy, studying hard, being kind and giving, and having good manners, among other things.

How do you convey this sense of being special? There are lots of thing you can do but I’m going to share one thing you may not have thought of — a “Special Day.” I don’t remember how I came up with this idea but right around the time our daughter Abigail was born I told my wife Jane that I’d like to have a “Special Day” for Abigail each year. After all, moms get Mother’s Day and dads get Father’s Day but kids don’t have their special day of recognition.

Here’s what we decided to do. Each year we pick a random day and I take the day off from work. We buy Abigail presents and surprise her early in the morning when we burst into her room and say, “It’s Special Day!” We give her breakfast in bed then let her open the gifts. The rest of the day revolves around her and whatever she enjoys. When she was very young it was simple things like McDonald’s for lunch and a Disney movie. Some years it’s been going to the Ohio State Fair, horseback riding, dinner at her favorite restaurant or more recently, because she’s a teenager, it’s time at the mall with lunch at one of her favorite spots.
I hope you see it doesn’t have to be lavish. The gifts aren’t many or expensive and the restaurants aren’t fancy, but that doesn’t matter because what she knows is the day is all about her. We’ve told her many times, it’s not because it’s her birthday, or Christmas or some other holiday, it’s just because we love her.

While it usually takes place in the summer because there are more things to do and Abigail is off school, the fact that it’s randomly chosen makes it a surprise and adds to the element of fun and excitement. She once remarked she enjoys her Special Day as much as her birthday and Christmas. Now that’s a good return for the effort!

One other benefit I see for your child by having a Special Day is self-esteem. Kids need to have a sense of their own identity apart from their peers. This is especially important as they become teenagers and feel pressure to conform. Something unique like a Special Day can be one way to help them see how they’re different and it can really make them feel special — loved. I don’t think Abigail has any friends who have something similar and I know it makes her feel special.

I’m taking a quick break from Carnegie and writing this in a column on influence for a couple of reasons:

  • We just did her Special Day last week and it’s fresh on my mind (see photos at the top). For me the best part was simply the hug and thank you at the end of the night.
  • I’ve always gotten very positive feedback from people when I’ve shared this idea so here’s a chance to share it with more people. I encourage you to think about doing something similar for your kids.
So maybe you’re reading this and you don’t have kids and you’re wondering if there’s any application for you? Yes! Just pick someone you love and try it. If you’re a business owner or boss, try it with your employees. I’ll leave it to you to come up with the creative ways to celebrate but if you want to let someone know how much they mean to you, that they are special, this is a great way to do it. And the side benefits; they’ll be much more apt to like you, want to help you and they won’t want to disappoint you. All those as will make it much easier to persuade them when the need arises.

If you have some creative thoughts on how to make people feel special leave a comment below.
Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”
NEW — I’ve added a new way for you to learn about influence. I’m now podcasting influence tips on Cinch. — NEW
If you’re interested in listening to daily tips designed to help you be more influential and persuasive then click on the Cinch link.

What’s Your Worldview?

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I’ve been thinking about my “worldview” lately, so I’ll pose this question to you, “What’s your worldview?” When I think of the term “worldview,” I think about how people try to make sense of what they observe others doing. I’m a pretty religious person and I have a worldview that first and foremost centers around my Christian faith. My faith colors perception of the here and now as well as the afterlife. But I also view things through another lens – influence.

Let me explain a bit further. I’m curious about why people do the things they do. I’m also interested in getting people to go along with my ideas and suggestions. Just like you, I want to hear people say “Yes” when I ask them to do something. That person could be my wife, my daughter, a coworker, vendor or the checkout person at the store.

I was working with someone today and we covered material on influence. I told this person about the science behind influence. I didn’t want her to think it was just grandma’s good advice (not that grandma’s advice was bad; she seems to have been right most of the time!) because it was grounded in real life scientific studies. Those studies don’t give me the ability to predict what you or any other person will do in particular situations because we are complex beings with a lifetime of experiences that shape us and our behaviors. But I can say with certainty that I communicate with confidence and take certain actions because I know my influence approaches will make me more successful on the whole.

There’s more than 60 years of social science to back up my last statement. If you pick up Influence Science and Practice, Yes: 50 Ways Proven Ways to be Persuasive, Maximum Influence or any number of other books on influence and persuasion you’ll see the studies. For example, one restaurant owner saw no shows dropped from 30% to 10% because of two simple words. In another study nearly twice as many people completed a survey because of something they were asked immediately prior to the survey request. Or how about the person who saw a 610% increase in sales because he instructed his salespeople to include some truthful, relevant information!

I can’t tell you how many people will attend your next meeting, and I certainly can’t tell you which specific people will say “Yes.” However, I can tell you things to do, and things to avoid, so you’ll know you have the best chance of maximizing attendance. I can’t tell you if you say or do one particular thing that your child will clean her room, or your boss will give you a raise. But I can tell you things you can do that will increase the odds of both.

Because I’ve seen the studies and experienced the results personally, I’m a believer! My worldview helps me explain an awful lot of why people do what they do. Not everything can be explained by reciprocity, liking, consensus, authority, consistency and scarcity but I’m amazed by how much can!

Earlier I wrote that a worldview was in essence the lens through which I view much of the world. I remember when I was a teenager getting glasses. I didn’t realize my eyesight was poor until I went to the optometrist. I simply figured everyone saw things the way I did. When I got that first set of glasses – WOW! All of a sudden, I could see blades of grass, leaves on trees and so much other detail. I didn’t realize what I was missing. That’s what the lens of influence has done for me. I’m not interested in doing research; I’m interested in understanding it so I can make sense of the world around me and the actions of others. I also enjoy taking the concepts and applying them to different situations to see if they can make me or my coworkers more successful. Now, because of this blog I get an opportunity to go beyond those boundaries. Thanks to Google Analytics, I can see people in nearly 40 countries follow this blog. That excites me!

So, I guess this week’s post wasn’t so much about persuasion tips as it was insight into my mind, my worldview. I would like to take this time to say thanks to all of you who read, who’ve commented and who’ve emailed me with questions or to just say how much you’ve enjoyed reading. That means a lot to me and without a doubt makes my day. Keep looking for posts every Monday at 5:30 p.m.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

The Value of a Personal Mission Statement

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Last week I concluded with a teaser about my personal mission statement so this week I’m going to address the topic and share with you my personal mission statement, or life plan, as some call it.

Back in the early ’90s, I read Steven Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and it really resonated with me. I often tell people, after The Bible the most impacting book I’ve ever read is The 7 Habits. I’m not saying it’s the best book – I’ve read others I enjoyed more – only that it was the most impacting. The impact came because I took the step to write a personal mission statement. Now, each day a part of my mission statement pops up in a task in my daily planner, Microsoft Outlook. Having read it now for 15 plus years, I’ve reinforced who I am, who I’m trying to become and what’s most important in my life.

If you’ve not written your own mission statement I cannot encourage you enough to do so. I’ll go so far as to say it could be one of the most important things you ever do because it’s something that will serve as a guide throughout your life. The mission statement idea is presented in Covey’s book in a chapter entitled, “Begin with the End in Mind.” I’ll leave it to you to read the book, or at least that chapter, so you can write your own plan.

I think a mission statement can help you be more influential in several ways:

  • Writing something down like this will help you stay accountable to what you say is most important and that accountability is ramped up if you share your mission statement with others. When you’re consistent, people come to rely on you which adds to your credibility, a component of authority.
  • Most people I interview never write down their goals let alone have a plan for their life. If you’re ever interviewing for a job and you hand the interviewer a personal mission statement you’ll certainly impress them. I think sharing mine helped me land the job I have today.
  • If you happen to share it with someone who has similar goals or world view then you’re likely to befriend that person because you’ve touched on the principle of liking.

Below is my life plan. It’s not for everyone so yours could look totally different and that’s okay because we’re all different.

My Chief Aim in Life: When I leave this earth and stand in the presence of the Lord, I hope to hear, “Well done good and faithful servant: you were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things, enter into the joy of your master” (Matt 25:21).

In order to make this a reality I will focus on four main areas of my life. Each area, while distinctly different, overlaps with the other areas. I want to focus on my spiritual life, my family, myself as an individual and my career.

Spiritual: I want to have a close intimate relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ and I want this relationship to be the priority in my life. I want to live a life that’s consistent with Biblical principles. I will seek to do this by striving for Christ-like qualities, knowing that while I cannot completely achieve them because I am human, I will be rewarded. I want to be a good listener. Finally, I want to reach out to others sharing Biblical love and truth.

Family: I want to make my family my priority second only to my relationship with God. I want to love and honor my wife Jane, building her up so she can become the spiritual being God intends for her to be. I want to meet her needs to the best of my ability and help her live a happy and fulfilled life. I want to strive to give unconditional love to Jane and Abigail, as well as other members of my extended family. I want to create a home environment where each person in my family can come to me in times of need and develop to their fullest potential. I want to earn my family’s respect and be the kind of husband and father they can be proud of.

Personal: I want to like who God created me to be; respect myself; maintain a balance between my mental and physical health; live my life with integrity, not compromising myself but standing firm on my beliefs as outlined in my personal mission statement; be open to change and accept when I’m wrong; continue to develop in the areas of loving, learning and relationships; smile, laugh and show my emotions more; I do not want to be controlled by anyone or anything other than God and need to remember I always have free will and therefore a choice in all matters; I want strive first to understand others, then seek to be understood; to be a leader and role model for others.

Career: I want Christ to be the centerpiece for all that I do at work; I want to give my best effort to whatever task is laid before me; be remembered for making my workplace better for having been there in both a productive and personal sense; obtain satisfaction from my chosen career; be fair and honest while remaining firm and decisive; remember the people involved; earn the trust, respect and confidence of those I work with; continue to develop personally and seek new challenges. Last, I need to remember that I work to live — I don’t live to work. Therefore, I will never sacrifice my spiritual, personal or my family’s well being at the expense of my career.

So there you have it. You now know more about me than you may have cared to know. I encourage you to take a similar step in your own life. Trust me, you will be glad you did.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”