Tag Archive for: Influence PEOPLE

Influencers from Around the World – Scarcity at Italian Weddings

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This month’s Influencers from Around the World post is from my friend Marco Germani. Marco is from Rome, Italy, and will be sharing an interesting story about persuasion and Italian weddings. The wedding photos are from Marco and Monika’s wedding last summer. They’re expecting their first child this summer. I’m sure Marco would love to hear from you so reach out to him on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Scarcity at Italian Weddings
I recently tried an interesting application of the principle of scarcity at the wedding of a couple of friends here in Rome, where I live. It is common practice in Italy that, when a wedding takes place, beside the “official” photographer of the event, a “clandestine” photographer magically shows up outside from the church. This guy, with no authorization at all, takes pictures of all the guests as they are entering the place, asking them to pose for him and playing on the fact that they don’t really know whether he is the official photographer or not. He then takes a quick picture of the bride and groom at the very beginning of the ceremony and then rushes to a mobile photo studio parked in the back of the church, to very quickly create nice cardboard-framed pictures of each guest, close to the picture of their newly-married friends.
When the celebration ends, the fellow waits for the guests to exit the church and, one by one, propose them to buy his newly-made artwork, usually for a price of about 8 Euro. As strange as it might appear, this technique works wonders and these guys usually sell almost every picture they’ve taken. The reasons being that people see in front of them a picture of themselves, nicely carved in a paperboard frame and close to the picture of the bride and groom and, for the principle of reciprocation, enhanced by the surprise (most people don’t go to weddings every day and are not aware of this technique) feel a certain compulsion to buy and to pay the overpriced amount. I have to add these pictures are after all a nice souvenir of the event, so I am not against this service, even though I think it is presented in a questionable way.
Being aware of how the principle of scarcity works, during the specific event I recently attended, I decided to try and use it at my own advantage. When the photographer proposed selling the picture to me, I kindly declined and moved away from him. I then waited for him to complete all the sales and, when he was done, I approached him again. At this point, he had in his hands only a few pictures of people who didn’t buy and those pictures were absolutely worthless for him, probably ready for the dustbin. I told him I was still thinking about buying the picture but that I thought the price was too high. He immediately proposed me a price of five Euro. At this point, I casually pulled out from my pocket four one Euro coins (which I had previously prepared) and told him I only happened to have four Euro in coins, would that do for him? He grabbed the coins in a split second, gave me the framed picture and we were both happy campers!
Now, I have to specify that, having a friend who works in photography, he previously explained to me that the cost to print the picture, for the photographer, should have been around two Euro, so, considering myself an ethical persuader, it was my duty to offer a price which also included a reasonable profit margin for the “smart” photographer, granting me the best buying price at the same time.
Marco

A Different Perspective Can Make All the Difference

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Most of us are creatures of habit. That’s one big reason the principles of influence are so effective at helping you hear “Yes!” when making requests of others. We cruise along on autopilot most of the time painstakingly doing whatever we can to avoid thinking.

One automatic thing most adults do every day is drive to work. I’ve heard people say sometimes they get in the car and before they know it they’re at work. The scary thing is they don’t remember anything about the drive! As fate would have it, I don’t have that luxury till the end of May or beginning of June, depending on how efficient the Ohio Department of Transportation is at completing some highway repairs in downtown Columbus. During the repairs I have to find a new way into work.Is this a pain? Somewhat, because I have to leave earlier than normal, take a different route and contend with many other drivers doing the same thing. But it’s not all bad. I was convicted by my own words because each morning I tell myself, “This is the day the Lord has made so I will be happy and rejoice in it. Today will be a good day because I will approach everything with a positive attitude and I will learn from every situation.”
So I made the choice to be positive and to learn something. As I drove one day I decided not to just follow the same alternate route so I got off at an exit I’d never used in 20 years of working downtown. What struck me as I got off the highway was how completely different the city looked from this new vantage point. I was faced with some old, very cool looking buildings when I came to the stop sign. As I turned left I saw what looked like an old warehouse building and found myself wondering what went on in that building over the years. Then I turned left and drove below an overpass and saw Columbus State Community College from an angle I’d never seen it from before. As all of this was occurring I thought, “This is really cool scenery. I’d enjoy it if I saw these sites every day.” I was also struck by how different everything was so I decided I’d write about it. What does this mean for you when it comes to influence? Sometimes trying to gain someone else’s perspective can go a long way when it comes to influence. As I pondered this I thought about the election of Barack Obama. Please don’t comment on politics because what I’m about to share has nothing to do with politics. For whatever reason, the drive in and thinking about perspective brought me back to the day after the election. That day I emailed my best friend Russell Barrow, an African-American, and simply asked, “Did you ever think you’d see this in your lifetime?” I got an incredibly heartfelt reply back telling me how much pride he felt. I tried to put myself in his shoes and as I did I saw things differently. I really believe if more people would do that rather than simply retain their perspective and defend their position more dialog would happen and more things could get accomplished.

Imagine I’m holding up my right hand with my palm towards me and finger nails towards you. If someone asked us to describe what we see our descriptions would be very different. I’d say my thumb is on my right but you’d say it’s on your left. I’d describe finger prints while you talked about finger nails. I’d comment on the lines in my palm and you’d be talking about the veins and hair you see on the back of my hand. These are two very different descriptions that could lead to some disputes. However, if we changed our perspectives we get a more complete picture and can find things to agree on. The more you and I find to agree on the easier it becomes to find mutually beneficial solutions to more pressing issues.Some of you may say this is this a bit simplistic and I’d agree. But I’d contend that life’s not always as complicated as we might think it is. Spouses could use some simplicity – just love each other, do what’s in the best interest of the other person and trust they’ll do the same. Parents would do well do just tell their kids how much they love them and to set aside their priorities to spend time with kids. At work, just do your best, quit grumbling but also give honest feedback when necessary. Yea, it’s all simple stuff but simple stuff that could make life a whole lot easier and nicer for so many of us.So here’s the take away – try to change your perspective on something or someone after you read this. Make yourself see things in a new, fresh way and see how that impacts your thoughts, attitude and conversations. If you do this I think others will sense it, appreciate it and open up to you.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

The First Anniversary of Influence PEOPLE

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It was just over a year ago, April 17 to be exact, that I started this blog. I still remember talking with my friend George Black about social media and he mentioned the eblogger tool. As we continued to talk I clicked on the eblogger icon and all of a sudden I’d taken the first step of this journey.

In that first post I wrote, “I’m passionate about influence and persuasion so it’s only natural that I share that passion with all of you.” I’ve only grown more passionate about it over the past year and have expanded how I communicate that passion. Some of you might see my Twitter or Facebook updates. I recently started a Facebook fan page call Influence PEOPLE. I also host a LinkedIn group called … Influence PEOPLE. If that’s not enough, daily I record influence tips at CinchCast. One goal for 2010 is to start doing some video blog posts but for now all these other social media tools are keeping me quite busy!

By every measure this first year has exceeded my wildest expectations, and then some. In a year’s time people in more than 100 countries have taken time to read what I write! That statistic excites me more than any other because it makes me feel like I’m having an impact on the world. Here are the countries where people have clicked in from:

Antigua & Barbuda, Argentina, Armenia, Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belgium, Bermuda, Bolivia, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Botswana, Brazil, Brunei, Bulgaria, Cambodia, Canada, Chile, Colombia, Croatia, Czech Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, Egypt, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Ghana, Greece, Honduras, Hong Kong, Hungary, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Jamaica, Japan, Jersey, Jordan, Kenya, Kuwait, Laos, Latvia, Lebanon, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Malaysia, Mauritius, Mexico, Moldova, Morocco, Myanmar [Burma], Netherlands, New Zealand, Nigeria, Norway, Pakistan, Palestinian Territories, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Qatar, Romania, Russia, Saint Lucia, Saudi Arabia, Senegal, Serbia, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, South Africa, South Korea, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Tanzania, Thailand, Trinidad & Tobago, Turkey, U.S. Virgin Islands, Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom, United States, Venezuela, Vietnam, Yemen and Zimbabwe.

Speaking of the world, I can’t leave out Sean Patrick, Marco Germani, Yago de Marta and Hoh Kim. These guys have generously volunteered to help you get a worldwide perspective on influence and my relationships with them are primarily because of this blog. You’ll want to check out the Influencers from Around the World articles they’ll be sharing on the first Monday of every month.

And here are a few locals who’ve been tremendously helpful. I mentioned George Black in the opening paragraph, a terrific person. There’s also Mike Figliuolo who’s been my “go to” guy for any blogging questions I’ve had. By allowing me to write some guest posts for his blog, thoughtLEADERS, and writing some for Influence PEOPLE, Mike really helped me build my readership. And thanks to Micheal Franzese for the cool drawings you see sometimes. Take a look at his blog FranzeseInklings for more art work.

Then there are my friends on Twitter who retweet my stuff consistently: James Sims, Marcy Depew, Matt Fox, Kennon Fort, Maureen Metcalf, Anthony Iannarino, Paul Hebert, Aaron Schaub, Steve Miller , Warren Davies and Jon Wortman. If I left anyone off the list I apologize (I’m starting to sound like I won an Oscar!) If you want to follow any of them on Twitter just click on their name.Special thanks also need to go to several coworkers. First there’s Debbie Conkel who has proofread my work for about 15 years now. She looks over every one of these articles for me. Then there’s my boss John Petrucci who’s has been supportive in every way imaginable. Last but not least, there’s Nancy Edwards who encourages me every time we talk or email.And there’s feedback from readers. When I see comments posted or get emails like the ones below it makes my day!

  • “I really liked the post you made for this week. It really hit home with me since I too have a teenager at home and have gone thru the same scenarios. I will be sharing this with other parents and will be practicing myself to be a good example for him.”
  • “Brian, I continue to value your posts. I started taking your advice several years ago and open an appointment first thing each morning to review the Dale Carnegie principle of the day.”
  • “The best thing I ever did was sign up for your emails. Yes it takes me from my daily work but it normally brings a smile to my face or a little giggle, and we all need that!”
  • “I value you as an expert. Your advice has me constantly thinking outside the box. There is validity to your stories that you share. As a Product Sales Specialist I have implemented some of your advice which resulted in a positive outcome.”

Now this anniversary wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t thank the most important people; my wife, Jane, and daughter, Abigail. I write about them quite a bit and they’re great sports, especially Jane because I posted her photo in a bathing suit once. She emailed to tell me that wasn’t a good thing to do and I replied that I was just happy she was reading the blog!

So from me to all of you, thank you for taking the time to read and for allowing me to have some influence on your lives. I hope I enjoy this second year even more than the first and that you get even more from your time with me.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

BlogTalkRadio Interview on the Principles of Influence

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Have you ever had the sense you were right where you were supposed to be doing exactly what you were meant to do? Some people refer to it as hitting your stride, being in the flow or self-actualization. Whatever term you use to describe it, that’s where I was last Wednesday at noon and I’m honored that I have the chance to share that wonderful experience with all of you.

Many of you know I was interviewed on BlogTalkRadio, the guest of the group Inside Influencers. I’m thankful I was given this opportunity by Paul Hebert, Managing Director of I2I, a validation and incentive planning/consulting company. Paul is also the author of the blog Incentive Intelligence. He’s had a keen interest in the psychology of persuasion ever since we met back in the summer of 2004 when Dr. Robert Cialdini was the guest speaker at State Auto. Through chance, or perhaps fate, Paul and I reconnected when he found me on the Internet because of Influence PEOPLE.
The hour long discussion focused on the application of the Principles of Influence in everyday situations at work and home. We started off by touching on each of the six principles: reciprocity, liking, consensus, authority, consistency and scarcity. In addition we explored when are the best times to use each principle, the difference between influence and manipulation, and then we got into some real world application of the principles. If you’d like to hear the interview click here.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Influencers from Around the World – The Contrast Phenomenon

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Several weeks ago I introduced Sean Patrick to readers in my Influencers from Around the World article. Because there are so many people in different countries reading Influence PEOPLE I thought it would be a good learning experience to hear from other trainers around the world and how they use the principles of influence. Sean jumped at the chance to help out so you’ll be reading his thoughts on the contrast phenomenon. Sean resides in Ireland and has his own sales training company, Sean Patrick Training, and writes a blog he calls Professional Persuader. We met through Facebook when I friended Sean after seeing him on Dr. Cialdini’s friends list. Now we regularly exchange training ideas when we talk over Skype. Sean is a very interesting, entertaining guy and I think you’ll enjoy what he has to share. Connect with him on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”
The Contrast PhenomenonI’ve been asked by Brian to write about an aspect of highly persuasive behavior. The aspect I want to share is a phenomenon in persuasion known as contrast. There are many psychological props we are all exposed to and they produce an almost automatic compliance when activated. These are known as “Click-Whirr” actions and responses. A “Click” can be denoted by the action, psychological principle, being played out while the “Whirr” is the automatic response produced as a result. These actions and responses are often unseen and undetected.

The contrast phenomenon is by now a well established tool which can be applied in different situations. It is also known as Perceptual Contrast or the Psychology of Perception.

Once upon a time in my own sales career I stumbled unknowingly across this psychological lever as if by complete accident. I was presenting – for the third time – to a prospect who was sitting on the fence about buying my proposition and I really wanted this guy to buy from me. During my presentation we began discussing in detail the financial aspects to the proposal. To make a long story short, I began to delete line items from my proposal and as I was doing this I was explaining to the prospect what he stood to lose (a little scarcity) in terms of business benefits, and how the overall solution would be diminished if he lost these benefits. Not only that, but I explained how much more expensive it would be to buy these line items back at any point in the future because of the level of discount he was getting if he bought the package now. To end this story, the prospect became a customer because the original price seemed to be less expensive than first perceived. Another plus – I sold more products which amplified the benefits of my core proposition even further. In the end price stopped being an issue because it was immediately replaced by value in his mind.

When I singled out the core product the benefits seemed great on their own merits, but when the customer realized how these benefits would be greatly enhanced by just having these ancillary products he was sold!

One of the great things we notice in utilizing the contrast phenomenon is the fact that it is practically invisible to the person we are influencing. This principle can affect the people we choose to socialize and associate with. It also affects how we view our role models because we can falsely determine the attractiveness of our mate either by distorting the physical attractiveness or a misplaced perception of social status. On the business side, we can often make our products appear more or less expensive just by applying contrast intelligently. Not only that, we can put our problems and other people’s problems into a less problematic scenario by using this principle wisely.Sean

An Online Beat Down

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Wow, I turn 46 in a few days! That sounded so old many years ago but not so much now. I’m an April Fools baby. I still get teased about that and my reply is always the same, “I may be a fool but I’m not stupid.” With 46 years behind me I like to believe I’m a little wiser but actually I do still make stupid mistakes sometimes and I’ll be sharing one this week.

I started thinking about this post weeks ago when something happened online. First let me step back and share this sad but true fact; I’ve been in two fights in my life and I’m 0-10. That’s right, two fights but 0-10 because so many guys beat on me! I joke and tell people that’s why I got involved with taekwondo but truthfully I took up the sport to spend time with Abigail.

I don’t view myself as an aggressive person although I am competitive. While I was in college I was a bouncer (“crowd control engineer” was how it was listed on the resume) but never once did I get in a fight. I was proud of that considering I worked every Saturday and Sunday for a year and a half. I knew other guys who looked at the job as a license to beat on people who got drunk and acted up but I wasn’t that kind of guy.

My fights occurred when emotions got the best of me, aided by some cheap beer, and I jumped in where I had no right to. Both times there were about five guys taking me on because in my younger days I was a competitive bodybuilder and powerlifter, weighing anywhere from 220 lbs to 240 lbs. But size didn’t matter because I didn’t know anything about fighting.

For the most part I think I’ve learn my lesson not to let my emotions get the best of me and to not jump into situations that are none of my business. Having shared that, I recently I got smacked down pretty good…online. A friend shared something about a Web site and I was curious so I visited the site. What I read reminded me of Gordon Gekko in the movie Wall Street where he said, “Greed is good.” This time it wasn’t greed that was being exulted, it was arrogance. My take was that the author was extolling the virtues of arrogance at the expense of humility so I wrote the following response:

“Wow! It’s good to know there’s someone out there so much wiser than all the great thinkers of history who espouse the virtue of humility. Sure, we can work hard and accept the praise that comes with achievement but there is far too much outside our control that helps shape who we are to not have some measure of humility. Humility is attractive because it shows people understand who they really are relative to other human beings. Arrogance on the other hand is never attractive.”

My first sentence could have been less antagonistic but I thought my point was valid. I have to admit, I was not ready for what ensued…a good old fashioned beat down! I thought someone might jump in and defend humility over arrogance but no one did. Every response made me out to be some kind of loser or villain. One person wrote, “If you have a problem with another’s lack of humility, I’m going to guess it’s just one of many problems from which you suffer. Humility is affected and your desire to see it in others only belies your own lack of self-worth.” Ouch! I was really surprised someone could form such a character judgment based on four sentences. I’m human, have many faults and have done things I’m not proud of but maybe that acknowledgement leads to some measure of humility. As for self-worth, I have it in abundance and it’s affirmed daily by friends and family.

I did feel a bit better when one person tried to convince readers that Jesus was arrogant because at that point I felt they were all out of touch. I guess I need to reread The Bible because I could have sworn it talked about how he humbled himself to the point of death on a cross. The people who thought He was arrogant were the very people who sentenced Him!
I’ve not shared the Web site on purpose because I don’t want anyone visiting it and stirring up the pot any further. I accept that different people have different opinions. The point for me writing this blog post is not to debate the issue because that would be a waste of time. Since I’m someone who tries to help others communicate better I have to look at myself and see what I can do differently next time. Here are some things I have to remember if I want to be a more persuasive person:

  • Pick my “battles” wisely. Sometimes it’s apparent you won’t change another person’s mind so it’s pointless to waste time and effort. One friend put it well when he said arguing with them, “would be like teaching a pig to sing: wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
  • Check my emotions. Humility doesn’t need me to defend it. Far too often reacting to emotion rather than choosing to thoughtfully respond only leads to trouble.
  • Be tactful. As I shared, my opening line didn’t open communication it was antagonistic.

People often say experience is the best teacher. There is some truth in that statement but there are many things we’d be better off not having to learn from experience because the stakes are too high. I’d rather not have to burn my hand to figure out whehter or not the stove was hot. So count this as your experience and perhaps my post can save you from “burning your hand” at some point down the road.

One last note, a big thanks to Micheal Franzese for the cool drawings. Check out his blog FranzeseInklings for more drawings and his interesting thoughts on just about everything.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Is Expert Advice Always Worth the Price?

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A few weeks ago I took the day off to blog and do other social media related things but as the hours passed I had writer’s block. Nothing was coming to me until I read a very interesting article, Chris Brogan – Anchoring and Social Proof – Influencing Your Audience, by Paul Hebert. The article talked about how Chris Brogan, a social media guru, publicly stated his $22,000 a day fee for his consulting services. The angle for Paul’s article was how this publicly stated price impacts what other consultants can charge because of the anchor that’s been set.

The article also explores the principle of consensus (a.k.a. social proof) because undoubtedly other social media consultants will move in the upward direction as they see peers begin to do so. It’s a very interesting article so you should take a look.

 

Here’s my question for you (please feel free to comment below) – Would the advice Chris gives be worth $22,000 IF you or I could give the same advice but we charged significantly less only because we’re not as well known? In other words, is the advice more valuable just because it comes from Chris Brogan as opposed to me or you?

As I pondered this it brought to mind an article I wrote last year, Golf Advice from Corey Pavin. My wife Jane is an avid (addicted?) golfer! In that article I explained how I shared some golf advice with her. It was sound advice based on psychology but it went in one ear and out the other. However, weeks later she read a quote from Corey Pavin that was almost exactly what I had told her and she acted as it if was a revelation! For her it was more believable because it came from Corey Pavin. After all, he’s an authority having won the ’95 US Open.

But think about it for a moment, that fact that he said it didn’t change the reality that the advice was the same and should have worked every bit as well for Jane whether he said it or I said it. His expertise and track record make him an authority, giving him more credibility than I have when it comes to golf, but if you are going to pay for something based on authority shouldn’t you get something more for your money? Shouldn’t the expert give something that’s new or unique in some way?
I’m sure a golf lesson from Corey Pavin would include other tips and insights most people couldn’t give and that would make his higher fee worth it for the average weekend golfer. By the same token, Chris Brogan probably brings additional perspectives other less savvy social media folks won’t have. My point is not to say Chris Brogan isn’t worth his fee, it’s to get you to think.
Part of the influence process is establishing your authority because it makes you more believable and as a result you’ll hear “Yes” more often. I have two points for you to consider when it comes to being influenced by a perceived authority:
  1. Is this person really a legitimate authority? Chris Brogan has authority status having written Trust Agents (a very good book by the way) on using the web to build influence. Because of his work and time in the social media arena he’s recognized as an expert in the field. But that’s not always the case. For example, many spokespeople on TV have no real expertise and yet we’re subconsciously swayed by them.
  2. Is the advice something I could get elsewhere for less (money, time, effort, etc.)? Isn’t it disappointing to visit the doctor only to hear, “Rest it and take some Tylenol”? An expert – yes – but worth the money? Probably not when we all know rest is helpful and Tylenol reduces pain and discomfort. Or maybe you’ve attended a conference with big name speakers only to walk away thinking, “I didn’t learn anything new.” Worth it? Probably not because we expect something more from the expert.
The mind is an amazing thing. If someone believes Chris Brogan’s advice, or Corey Pavin’s, more than my advice or your advice (and lets assume it’s the same advice) then they’ll probably work harder to implement it. I know Jane will stay on the driving range for many more hours trying whatever Corey says, as opposed to what I might suggest, and she will be a better golfer as a result of her extra effort. Businesses will likely do the same with Brogan’s advice and that will legitimize his fee. Maybe that’s some of the value they offer?
The question of value reminds me of the experiment that showed kids prefer food in McDonald’s packaging and rate it as better tasting than the same food in plain packaging. As a parent, if it makes them eat the food then it’s probably worth the extra money and fewer hassles. If a customer is gung ho about the advice some authority gives vs. the same advice given by an average Joe then they’ll work harder to apply the guru’s advice and realize more benefit from it. If that happens I think you can legitimately say the expert advice was worth it.

In closing I’ll share a fascinating resource on this subject of value, the book Priceless: The Myth of Fair Value and How to Take Advantage of It. I read the book not long ago and it was an eye opener about how people value things. I highly recommend it because it will change your outlook as a consumer.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Influencers from Around the World

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Some of the best things about blogging for me have been meeting new people, making friends and learning about other cultures. Many of the people I’ve come to know through blogging are from all parts of the globe because people in more than 95 countries have taken time to read Influence PEOPLE! That stat blows me away!
Because the audience is becoming so diverse I’ve decided to try something new. I contacted several people in other countries who also have a deep interest in ethical influence and persuasion to see if they would write guest posts for Influence PEOPLE from time to time. They said “Yes” (see, persuasion works!) so I’d like to introduce you to four gentlemen because you’ll be reading their thoughts on influence in future posts.

Marco Germani calls Italy home. Marco reached out to me through Facebook and we quickly realized we had much in common. Besides the bond of influence, Marco has been an avid martial artist for many years. He recently wrote a book on persuasion in Italian, I Meccanismi della Persuasione, and has a blog by the same name, I Meccanismi della Persuasione.

A chemical engineer by training, about 15 years ago he became passionate about the study of personal growth. Over the years he’s channeled that passion by attending dozens of seminars and training courses around the world, learning from some of the best international coaches. An avid reader, he’s read countless books on subjects like persuasion, time management, coaching and goal setting.

He’s lived in France, Belgium, the USA and China while working as a technical manager and as export manager for several multinational companies in various industrial fields. During that part of his career he had the opportunity to take part in and manage negotiations in several international business deals. He presently works as a consultant for business internationalization, with a focus on Asian markets.

Marco has always been passionate about persuasion, negotiation and ethical sales. His personal mission is to create a high value for others by living his life with passion and total integrity. He realizes the key in this pursuit is the constant striving for self-improvement. He’s pictured above with his wife Monika. Marco is on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter if you’d like to reach out to him.
Sean Patrick resides in Ireland. Although we both enjoy good ale we didn’t meet in a pub. We met because of this blog and Facebook. After having read my blog Sean reached out to me on Facebook and we started chatting then exchanging massages because of our interest in training, particularly influence. Thanks to technology (Skype) we now video chat with some regularity.

Sean has more than 15 years experience in generating high value, high turnover strategic business. He has worked in roles ranging from inside sales, account management, new business specialist, and sales management. He’s been a business owner in six different companies in the technology sector. He’s managed multiple teams of salespeople in different geographic locations across the UK and Irish Republic. His reputation for ruffling feathers and getting business in the door quickly is legendary. In addition, he’s coached and continues to coach salespeople from all industries because he is passionate about the art of negotiation and customer service.

Sean’s interest in persuasion began in the late 1990s. He wanted to know what motivated people to buy and what factors made people hesitate to say “Yes” even if price was irrelevant. As if this isn’t enough, Sean is master practitioner in NLP. Well-read and familiar with leading persuasion authors, Sean also enjoys reading academic papers on psychological persuasion. He believes it is important to explore what we know and what we learn. He advocates putting everything into practice as often as possible while continuing to learn from those with whom we interact. You can find Sean on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

To learn more about Sean visit his training site, Sean Patrick Training, and check out his blog, Professional Persuader.

Yago de Marta hails from Spain but gets around quite a bit having conducted lectures, seminars and training sessions in Spain, Mexico, Chile, Puerto Rico, Nicaragua, Panama, Honduras, El Salvador, Bolivia and Colombia. He contacted me because of his interest in persuasion and possibly pursuing the CMCT designation. His list of current undertakings is quite impressive: Consultant and trainer in personal communication and persuasive oratory; Trainer of Directors and Spokespersons; Political Candidates trainer in Spain and Latin America; Debate coach for teams from the University of Zaragoza, Pablo Olavide, Seville, Cordoba, Diego Portales (Chile), Uniminuto (Colombia), CIDE (Mexico) and American (Puerto Rico).For 12 years Yago has being training people and candidates to speak fluently and persuasively in areas such as parliamentary debate. He’s a fiery competitor, having received major awards for his debate skills in Spain and world-wide competitions. He was a champion runner-up in 2005 and 2004 Spanish debates and runner up in 2005 and 2004 in the World Debate in Spanish.The technique Yago applies in his training is derived from his experience working with thousands of different personalities who are trying to become good speakers in complex situations. His style relies on practical learning where participants take into account their potential as they sift through weaknesses and improve strengths. The results obtained can be seen within the first hour of training because the tools used match up to the ability and style of each individual participant. In training workshops led by Yago people develop techniques to enhance their emotional intelligence, NLP, Social Psychology and Persuasive abilities, ethnomethodology, Institutional Communication Techniques Enterprise and, of course, classical rhetoric. All this requires a keen sense from Yago for detecting the skills and qualities that can be improved in each person. Yago has prepared many political and parliamentary leaders, sales teams and managers. He has explored the application techniques of debate to the teaching of bioethics, has improved the teaching skills of teachers and students, and has personally coached leaders in important positions responsible for many different projects and companies. Feel free to connect with Yago on Facebook and LinkedIn.Hoh Kim is from South Korea but we met in Arizona in January 2008. We were both there to go through Dr. Cialdini’s certification training. Hoh is one of the two dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world and he’s the first person to present the Principles of Persuasion (POP) workshop in South Korea. He is the founder & head coach of THE LAB h, where he counsels business executives and high-ranking professionals in government and medicine to positively influence their stakeholders.

With over 10 years of experience in strategic communications consulting, executive media coaching, and crisis simulation and workshop design/facilitations, Hoh is one of the most sought after consultants, coaches and speakers in the area of crisis communication management and crisis leadership. His client base ranges from local non-profit organizations to consumer electronics companies in Korea and multinational companies listed on Fortune Global 500. Find out more about Hoh at his website, THE LAB h , or by visiting his blog, Cool Communications. You can connect with Hoh on Facebook and LinkedIn.

Globalization is here to stay, even if we never move. In all likelihood it will only accelerate as the world seems to get smaller with technology. We will be interacting with people all around the planet and because cultural differences impact the persuasion process it is good for us to learn about those differences. I hope you enjoy exploring the different perspectives on influence and persuasion from this group if international experts. Look for the first guest post on April 5th and the first Monday of each month thereafter.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Careful What You Say Because It Affects Everything

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For those raising kids, especially those with teenagers, I think you’ll appreciate this week’s post. My daughter Abigail is 14 years old, a very typical teenager in most ways. She’s very athletically gifted, far more than she realizes. She learned to swim at just two and a half years old and was on the swim team by the time she was six. She did quite well until she decided getting in a cold pool at 8 a.m. wasn’t any fun. She already has her black belt in taekwondo and more recently tried out for and made a club volleyball team. I watch her and I know she can be anything she wants to be, do anything she wants to do. There’s only one thing in life that can hold her back – Abigail.

Like most teens, left to her own devices she’d spend all day at the mall, watching television, chatting on Facebook, checking out YouTube videos or texting friends. She’s also no different when it comes to homework or practice…she’d rather do anything but! My dilemma, like every other parent, is this – how do I get her to do what I know is best for her?

There’s a quote from former Dallas Cowboy football coach Tom Landry that went something like this, “My job is to get men to do the things they don’t want to do so they can accomplish what they’ve always wanted to accomplish.” That could be the job description for a parent. We want to help our kids be ready to successfully fly the nest.
I’m trying to teach Abigail a lesson we’d all do well to remember; our attitude affects everything. I’m not so old that I can’t remember wanting to do things other than homework or go to practice. But I have an advantage she doesn’t have, three more decades of experience under my belt. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is this, where I choose to place my thoughts and the words that come out of my mouth impact how I feel and ultimately behave.
Parents, haven’t you heard this, “I don’t want to go to practice. I’m tired and its boring.” Or what about this, “I hate school.” I know a few well place questions reveal it’s not school she dislikes, it’s the homework. She likes lunch, recess, certain subjects, her friends and going to sporting events. Like I said, she pretty much likes everything but the homework. Perhaps you’re thinking about something you don’t like. Your job? Your significant other? Maybe a neighbor or boss? We all have things or people we’d say we don’t like and yet, there are probably some aspects of the person or things that aren’t so bad.As adults we know this truth; throughout life we will have to do things we’d rather not do and deal with people we’d rather not be around. Let’s take a task for example, maybe cutting the grass or some work around the house. If we approach the chore focusing only on how much we dislike it we’ll never put much effort in and only prolong our pain as we drag our feet and take longer than is necessary.
Oh, how I want her to understand this! I know she’d enjoy life more, do a better job and finish up the things she doesn’t like so much so she could move on to what she really enjoys. Too often we have to learn the hard way and much too much time passes by. Maybe that will be the case for her or maybe through repetition peppered with some good influence techniques I’ll get through to her. I hear people say when kids are young they think mom and dad are the smartest people in the world. When they become teenagers they become the smartest people in the world and we’re relegated to the status of “dumb.” But something happens and they grow up and come to realize their parents were actually pretty smart. After all, they think how could their parents have raised such a great person if they didn’t have some smarts. I look forward to that day but in the meantime I’ll keep sharing what I know to be true, and what’s in her best interest because I love her.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

The Apology Heard Around the World

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You’ve probably heard the familiar saying, “Timing is everything.” When I hear that I joke with people and tell them, “That’s true unless you’re in real estate. Then it’s location, location, location.” As timing would have it, perhaps the most famous person alive gave the apology heard around the world last week. After months of speculation Tiger Woods finally addressed the public concerning his issues with infidelity. What’s this have to do with timing? It just so happens to coincide with the next bit of Dale Carnegie advice I was going to share – If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

I wrote about the Tiger Woods’ situation in December, approaching it from the context of character. I tried to drive home that we can’t do anything about Tiger and all our water cooler talk is worthless. It turns out that all the speculation about Elin and his car accident were wrong if you believe Tiger’s apology. I’m going to take him at face value because part of the rehab process is coming clean with the truth and making amends. Assuming his account of that night is the truth then the media outlets and many people wasted a lot of time on that issue. The point of my post was simply this; we can use Tiger’s situation to reflect on ourselves and try to become better people.

The point of this week’s post is to get all of us to reflect on ourselves when we make a mistake. Lots of people think Tiger waited too long to apologize and that his words were not his own but those of a PR firm. That may be true or it may not. I don’t have a PR firm representing me and I bet you don’t either, so we don’t have to worry about that getting in the way of our credibility when we choose to apologize.

When we do make a mistake the quicker we own up to it the less time there is for speculation by others. Once people start down that path they begin to convince themselves they’re right. In Tiger’s case, no matter what he or Elin says about Thanksgiving night, many people are so firmly entrenched in what they believe happened that they might never believe anything different.
So how does this apply to you and I and what we can learn from all this? If we can prevent that speculation from taking root when we make mistakes then wouldn’t it be the smart thing to do? Here are a few examples of people who should have done just that. Not too long ago Alex Rodriguez came clean about steroids. The problem was, A-Rod lied to Katie Couric about it on national television when asked a few years earlier. The late admission was seen as a way to manage his career rather than a genuine apology for something he knew was wrong. Had he been truthful with her I think he would have been revered because he would have been the first baseball player to come forth without having the pressure of an investigation or congressional hearings.

Mark McGwire is in the same boat. Nobody is buying his apology because he lied to Congress about his steroid use. Had he admitted the truth at that time I think public opinion would be much better right now. As it is, most people see his apology as just the necessary step to get back into the game of baseball and possibly the hall of fame one day.

The American public is forgiving when people come clean about mistakes and back it up by living a changed life. I think on an individual level people are very much the same. When I’ve made mistakes and took steps to own up to them I’ve found people willing to extend grace to me. I think of the time when I was a jerk on the road driving in to work one morning. For quite some time I refused to let someone over as we approached the exit. I could have tapped the brakes, been a nice guy and let the driver over but I chose not to and eventually the driver got behind me. It turned out the person I was a jerk to happened to be a coworker who saw me pull into the parking lot. I knew he knew it was me on the highway so I made the choice to apologize. I got a very nice email from him saying we all make mistakes but he knew I was the kind of person who would own up to it. I think we’re better friends today than we were before the incident.

So here’s the bottom line. Don’t waste your time speculating on all the aspects of Tiger’s apology, his sincerity, when he’ll play again, if he and Elin will stay together, etc., because none of that will make you a better individual. Learn from his situation and use it to grow as a person. Next time you make a mistake own up to it quickly. Like anything, if you start with the small stuff it will make it easier when the bigger stuff comes around because you’ll have built character. Make that choice and you’ll become a person of authority and influence because you’ll have credibility.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”