Tag Archive for: psychology of persuasion

The Money – Happiness Link

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It’s said that making more money won’t make you happier. We find it hard to believe that winning the lottery wouldn’t make us happier because we could fulfill all of our dreams – the big house, luxury car, exotic vacations, cool “toys,” etc. But then we hear the stories of lottery winners going bankrupt and wishing they’d never won the grand prize. According to a Forbes article, lottery winners experience a spike in happiness but eventually they return to pre-winning happiness levels. Lottery winners aside, we can probably all think of people who make loads of money, and their lives are train wrecks.

Indeed, most studies show that making more money doesn’t necessarily equate to more happiness…at least after a certain point. A 2010 study out of Princeton University showed that people were happier making more money up to about $75,000. After that, people don’t get much happier making more money.

Perhaps how much money we make isn’t the problem. What if the real issue is how we spend our money? Over Christmas break I read Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending by Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton. Based on scientific research the authors show five things we can do to derive more satisfaction from our spending. I’ll share their five basic points and a few thoughts on each. If what you read intrigues you then I encourage you to pick up a copy of the book for yourself.

Buy Experiences

Whatever things we buy, we quickly get used to them. For example, studies show people driving a BMW are no happier with their car than those who drive a more economical car. However, positive experiences do make us happier. Think about your home or car then think about some of the great vacations you’ve taken or major events you’ve been a part of. Odds are you’ll have much fonder memories of the experiential events.

Make it a Treat

As noted above, we get used to things. It’s human nature. People can learn to endure horrific things to the point where they are not shocked by the experience. On the flip side we can easily get used to the nice home or car so neither elicits much feeling one way or another. Or how about this – if you visit Starbucks every day for your fancy caffeine fix, odds are you don’t appreciate at it nearly as much as when you’ve gone without it for some period. The authors contend if we voluntarily cut back on certain things, making them more of a treat when we do partake, we’ll be happier as a result.

Buy Time

We all have an opportunity to make more money. The amount we could make might be unlimited but not so when it comes to time. Studies show spending money on things that might save us time so we can participate in more experiential things will make us happier. We can probably all think of a time when we missed an event because we had to work or do chores. Paying someone to cut the grass or fix the house so you can attend your kids’ events might be a better use of your money. You’ll be happier for it and so will your family.

Pay Now, Consume Later

Wouldn’t life be grand if we didn’t have to worry about money? It might be but that’s not the case and we hate the pain of paying. Paying as you go is the worst approach because you might nickel and dime yourself out of things that could make your purchase or experience much better. And you have the worry of paying tacked on constantly as you go.

Alternatively, you could just charge it and not worry about it. However, throwing caution to the wind and living it up still means paying the piper when the credit card bill arrives. At that point you begin to wonder if it was all worth it, which leads to less satisfaction with your purchase and possibly regret.

Studies show that bearing the pain of paying up front reduces the stress during and after the purchase, which leads to more happiness. For example – think about going on a vacation where you constantly worry about the price of food, drinks, and activities vs. going to an all-inclusive resort where you paid up front. At the all-inclusive you’ll probably throw caution to the wind and live it up much more thereby creating a better experience and happiness.

Invest in Others

Jesus told his followers “’Tis better to give than receive.” It turns out science validates His ancient wisdom. Whether people were given money or asked to spend their own, those who spent money on others rather than themselves tended to be happier. And it doesn’t have to be large amounts of cash. It could be as simple as paying for someone’s coffee. So next time you’re out, look for a way to make another person’s day a little brighter and your day will brighten too.

The tie to influence

When you experience positive things with others you build on the principle of liking because we like those with whom we share common bonds. If buying time, making it a treat, and paying up front make you a happier person, people will enjoy being around you more.

In addition to liking, when you invest in others you tap into the principle of reciprocity. Some people you invest in, you might not see again, but then you never know. Good deeds have a way of making their way back around to those who initiate them. Giving to others might just come back in an unexpected form at some point in time. Some people call that karma.

So, my encouragement is to give the five spending pointers a try and see how you feel. You might just be happier as a result and be a little more influential to boot.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Does a Rising Tide Lift All Boats?

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People are fond of analogies that help them visualize concepts that can be difficult to grasp. Steve Jobs used an analogy when he said, “Computers are like a bicycle for our minds.” Another common analogy is describing the human brain as a computer.

One analogy that’s kicked around quite a bit in politics is, “A rising tide lifts all boats.” That’s easy to picture. After all, when the tide rolls in all boats sit higher relative to the docks they’re tied to or some other stationary object.

Politicians like to use the phrase when it comes to the economy. If more tax cuts are given to the wealthiest people, they’ll spend their extra money creating jobs or buying more stuff. Either way, more goods are sold which means more people are employed to produce and sell those goods. Everyone is better off because all boats have been lifted.

But there’s a problem. The analogies we use are only comparisons to help us understand something but they’re not the actual thing. In one sense they’re like a map. A map can be a helpful tool but it’s not the actual terrain. It can never fully represent the real thing and the more diverse the terrain is, the less a map can fully represent it.

People who use the rising tide analogy want us to believe everyone is better off when the wealthiest among us do better. There is some truth to that. However, it ignores a basic tenant of behavioral economics regarding how we make comparisons and decisions.

You see, most people don’t simply look at their situation relative to how they were at some point in the past. Rather, we have a habit of comparing ourselves to others in the moment.

We see this publicly played out in sports quite often. Let’s say an athlete has a great year and gets a huge raise because he or she is considered among the best in their sport. They’re happy! But the moment the athlete learns someone else just got more money, discontentment sets in. No longer do they care that they’re making significantly more than they used to. Instead, the athlete feels slighted compared to the other, higher paid athlete.

The same can be said of the average American. While many may be a little better off than they were five or ten years ago based solely on their income, they don’t necessarily see it that way. That’s probably because they’re not comparing their take home pay to prior paychecks. In fact, if inflation, medical bills, or other things that occur in life may have eaten away at their take home pay. That’s a big reason people often feel they’re working harder than ever but have little or nothing to show for it.

Another comparison point comes when people hear about senior executive compensation at large corporations. For example, did you know back in 2005 the average CEO made 525 times more than the typical American worker made? That pay differential took a significant dip due to the 2008 recession but it’s trending back up and was 369 times more in 2012 (344 in 2022).

Can you see why someone might be disgruntled? Most people have an innate sense of fairness, and of right and wrong, and when that gets violated, many people would rather get nothing just to see the other person get nothing too. It doesn’t make economic sense because economically a little bit of something is better than a lot of nothing.

Several years ago, I conducted survey with my blog readers. One question read: You’re playing a game, and your partner was given $100 to share with you any way they see fit. The two of you get to keep the $100, but only if you think you’ve been treated fairly. What’s the least amount you would want in order to not reject the deal?

Just over two thirds of the respondents said sharing $50 of the $100 would be fair. The average for all responses was $41.88. Even though they’d have been better off only getting a dollar, the vast majority would reject the deal if the split wasn’t about equal.

It doesn’t make sense economically because if you were given $30, $20, even $1 that’s better than nothing, and it’s more than you started with. But that’s not how most people typically think and behave. When people don’t feel they’re being treated fairly they take action…even if those same actions might hurt themselves in the end.

The tide may be rising but all the people in the little boats stare at the luxury liners and from their vantage point is seems as if those ships are getting a bigger lift…and they don’t like it.

My fear is this; if our government in conjunction with big business doesn’t come up with ways to make the average workers feel like they’re being compensated in a more equitable way, the consequences could be worse for all of us in the long run. Whether or not you agree with the “We are the 99%” and “March on Wall Street” movements, they reflect what I’m sharing about here. People are unhappy and they’re starting to take action.

A take-away for those of you who aspire to be more effective persuaders would be this – whenever you use analogies to make a point, make sure the analogies are appropriate for your audience or your best laid plans could backfire on you.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer

 

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

PAVE the Way to Success in 2014

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If you’re like many people then you’ll be making
New Year’s resolutions and if you’re like most you’ll be
breaking those same resolutions within a day or two. According to one study,
more than half the people who make resolutions are confident of achieving them,
yet barely more than one in ten do so. That’s amazingly bad because most resolutions
are good ones! Here are a few of the most popular New Year’s resolutions:

  • Spend
    more time with family
  • Lose
    weight
  • Begin
    exercising
  • Quit
    smoking
  • Quit
    drinking
  • Get
    organized
  • Get
    out of debt

The list is admirable so why are these goals so
difficult to achieve for 90% of us? There are probably as many reasons
as there are resolutions and dwelling on them wouldn’t be as beneficial as
giving you scientifically proven tips that can help make 2014 a year of positive change for you. Around this time every year I
share an influence technique that can help readers PAVE
the way to success in the New Year.

In the study of persuasion there’s a powerful
motivator of behavior known as the principle of consistency.” This proven
rule tells us people feel internal and external psychological pressure to act
in ways that are consistent with their prior actions, words, deeds, beliefs and
values. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and other
people perceive us in a more favorable light, which adds to our authority in their eyes.
There are four simple things to strengthen the
power of consistency in your life. These simple ideas will help you PAVE the way to success because they’ll
dramatically increase the odds that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s
resolutions.
Public – Whenever you
make a public statement, whether verbally or in writing, you’re putting
yourself and your reputation on the line. The mere fact that another person
knows your intention and might ask you how you’re doing is often
enough motivation for people to follow through.
Recommendation
#1 – Share with another person or group of people, your New Year’s
resolution and ask them to hold you accountable.
Active – You have to
actively do something. Merely thinking about a resolution, just keeping it to
yourself as some sort of secret, will lead to the same results as people who
don’t make resolutions. In other words, nothing will change. This came to light
in a study with a group of students who wanted to improve their college grades.
One group was asked to write their goals down, one group kept their goals in
their heads, and the last group had no specific goal whatsoever. As you can
imagine, the group with the written goals succeeded, with nearly 90% of
students increasing by a full letter grade! With the other two groups the
results were identical and poor. In each group fewer than 1 in 6 students
improved a full letter grade. It’s worth noting, they were all given the same
study materials so they all had the same opportunity to better their GPA.
Recommendation
#2 – Make sure you have to take some active steps. It could be as simple
as buying a book to help you learn more about the changes you’re hoping to
make.
Voluntary – This has to
be YOUR goal, not someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something
– quit smoking, lose weight, get in shape – it’s not likely your motivation
will last if someone told you to do it. The goal has to come from you because
if it’s forced on you it’s not likely your willpower will last long. Samuel Butler
said it best when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same
opinion still.”
Recommendation
#3 – Make sure it’s something you really want to do.
Effort – It was already
noted that you have to actively do something. In other words, making the
commitment should require some effort on your part. The more effort
you expend setting up your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. Something
as simple as writing down your resolution can make a difference, even if you
don’t share it with anyone. But, taking the time to share it also fulfills the
public requirement, which gives you more bang for the buck! Robert Cialdini
puts it this way, “People live up to what they write down.”
Recommendation
#4 – A little more effort, like committing pen to paper, will increase your chance for success
significantly.
So to recap the recommendations:
  1. Share your resolutions with others.
  2. Make sure to take some active steps.
  3. Make it your goal.
  4. Commit pen to paper.

None of what I just shared is
new but I’m guessing many of you haven’t tried the PAVE
approach before. If you’ve failed at your resolutions in the past then give
this approach a try. If you fail again you’re no worse off but this different
approach might just be your key to success in 2014. Good luck and Happy New
Year to all of you!

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer

 

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Mastering the Art of Human Relationships

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“Before I learned the art, a punch was just a punch, and a kick, just a kick. After I learned the art, a punch was no longer a punch, a kick, no longer a kick. Now that I understand the art, a punch is just a punch and a kick is just a kick.” – Bruce Lee

If martial arts is about fighting then what. does the quote above from the greatest martial artist of the last century – some might say all time – have to do with relationships?

Bruce Lee’s observation had to do with more than punching and kicking. It had to do with mastering whatever you set out to do. If you observe children they’re free in almost everything they do. They don’t think, they just do. Now, they may punch or kick poorly, or play the piano poorly, or swing a golf club the wrong way, but they’re uninhibited when they do so.

Then they begin to learn the right way, the proper techniques, and all of a sudden there’s more to a powerful punch or kick than they realized. As they concentrate, trying hard to perform correctly, what was so free and easy actually becomes quite difficult. However, with time, patience and enough practice it gets easier and easier. Eventually they perform very well without even thinking. The punch and kick have once again become just a punch and kick.

If you’ve taken up golf, played an instrument or tried anything else that required skill then I’m sure you can relate to this. It’s hard to do something when you’re thinking about all the steps you need to go through to perform the task. The mechanics of a golf swing are a great example. The pros make it look easy but a good golf swing is an intricate process.

Relationships can be quite similar. A while ago Abigail and I spent a day together and she talked about someone she liked, someone she’d known for many years. When they were just friends she said it was easy to talk but as the relationship began to change it wasn’t so easy. Going from friend to something more requires better communication skills and the transition can be hard.

Jane and I have been married for 25 years and right now things are really good and pretty easy. We went through our phases where that wasn’t the case. The honeymoon was easy. Life got tougher as the novelty wore off and we began to “do life.” We started to really get to know each other and some of the things that were cute at first became irritating. Eventually we turned a corner and began to realize those sometimes cute, sometimes irritating things are part of what makes each of us unique. All of a sudden we went from cute to irritating to appreciation.

You could say we’ve learned the art of navigating our relationship. No longer do we look for hidden meaning behind the words and wrestle with things like we used to. We pretty much accept each other for who we are, how we appear and what we say. If we think there’s more to the communication we just ask each other what’s meant by the statement. It’s amazing how often that stymies negative thoughts and stops a bad period before it even starts.

No one takes up martial arts and expects to perform like a black belt right away any more than a new golfer expects to play like a PGA pro. And the same is true of relationships. You can’t just jump into a relationship and expect to land where it takes others decades to reach.

But here’s the good news – you can make strides much faster if you dedicate yourself to the process and have people who can coach you. In the taekwondo studio, Abigail and I learned from the more senior black belts and the studio owner Grandmaster Black. When Jane golfs she dedicates time to practice regularly and works with a pro. For each of us practice, patience and coaching paid off.

When it comes to mastering the art of human relationships, having good friends who can speak into your life with brutal honesty is like a coach offering correction to an athlete. If your friends are wise and you’re coachable you can enjoy more fulfilling relationships much, much sooner. After all, learning from other’s mistakes and successes can help you avoid the mistakes and enjoy success much, much sooner.

So let me end with a couple of questions.

  • Do you have a business coach or mentor you turn to consistently? If not, you should seriously consider seeking out someone because it could make a big difference in your performance.
  • Do you have a life coach or accountability partner, someone you check in with regularly who can speak freely into your life? Again, something you should give thought to.

There’s no better time to implement a great change than moving into the New Year.

 

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

The Importance of “Thank You”

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Several weeks ago I wrote a blog post on the correct ways to respond to “Thanks.” Much to my surprise and delight it struck a chord with readers. As I was watching television after a Sunday of football, a 60 Minutes piece caught my attention so I decided to write about the importance of saying, “Thank you.”

In the 60 Minutes segment, Anderson Cooper interviewed Marcus Luttrell, the author of Lone Survivor, the account of four Navy Seals who were ambushed during a recon mission in Afghanistan. Luttrell was the lone survivor on that fateful day in 2005.

Cooper also interviewed retired Vice Admiral Joe McGuire. According to the Vice Admiral one of Luttrell’s comrades, Lieutenant Mike Murphy, placed a call for help after he and his three fellow Seals had been shot. Murphy had to expose himself on a rock to place the call even though he knew he’d likely be killed in such a vulnerable location.

He made the call and said, “We could really use your help.” He was told by command, “Help is on the way.” Then Vice Admiral McGuire said he admired Murphy because, having been shot and knowing he’d probably die radioing for help, he finished the call by saying, “Thank you.” The Vice Admiral said of Murphy, “That’s just the kind of man he was.” Did you catch that? He actually took time to say “Thank you” in the middle of a firefight knowing he might die!

As I noted in the post several weeks ago, how you respond to “thank you” can make a big difference in your ability to persuade others. On the flip side, expressing gratitude, saying “thank you”, is every bit as important. If Lieutenant Murphy could find the time to remember to say, “Thanks,” then who are we not to?

Giving thanks taps into reciprocity, the principle that tells us people feel obligated to do something for those who’ve done something for them. “Thank you” is one of the first phrases we learned when mom and dad taught us that thanking others was the right thing to do after someone had done something for us.

Unfortunately showing gratitude – good manners – seems to be slipping these days. I think that because of the responses I get from others when I say, “Yes, thank you,” or “No, thanks.” Quite often I’m thanked in return because politeness stands out today. While that might be a sad commentary, the good news for you is your “Thanks” will stand out in a positive way.

I remember many years ago “stopping the presses” to help someone accomplish something that was very important to them. It involved several people on my end and was a disruption in normal processing but we got it done. What stayed with me all these years was the fact that the person we helped never said thanks or acknowledged we went out of our way to help even though we didn’t have to.

I realize I don’t work for thanks and that I’m expected to do my job but our company has a culture in which associates recognize extra effort with sincere appreciation. I knew in my heart if that person ever wanted my help again I’d do what was asked but the effort would not be the same as it would for others who genuinely appreciated past efforts.

When you recognize people and their effort it helps build relationships and it’s a proven fact that people prefer to say, “Yes” to those they know and like. That’s the principle of liking.

So here is some simple persuasion advice. When people have done something you genuinely appreciate, let them know. “Thanks” and “Thank you” go a long way but I’d encourage you to go a bit further. Thank the other person and, if warranted, tag it with a bit more:

  • “Thanks, I really appreciate what you did.”
  • “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you’d…”
  • “You have been so helpful. Thanks a lot!”

Each of these takes just a moment of reflection and a couple of extra seconds. Lieutenant Murphy found the time during the fight of his life; can you? Even if you’re dealing with someone you might not see again at a minimum you might just brighten his or her day. If you’re dealing with someone you interact with regularly, an approach like I’ve described can go a long way toward building a stronger, more productive relationship and that will make future attempts at persuasion much easier.

Persuasion Advice from the Wizard of Oz

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Sometimes it feels good to revisit our childhood. I had that experience the day after Thanksgiving as I watched “The Wizard of Oz” again. I did so because I enjoy the movie and the memories it brings back. I also felt like I might learn something from the great and powerful Oz. I wasn’t disappointed!
Dorothy and her friends – the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow – make their way to the Land of Oz because they all need something from the Wizard. The Tin Man wants a heart, the Cowardly Lion is looking for courage and the Scarecrow is hoping to get a brain.
When it comes to persuasion we’ll focus on the Scarecrow. The Wizard tells him all he really needs is a diploma. Once the Scarecrow has it in hand all of a sudden he believes he’s smart. See for yourself in the YouTube video clip below.
Now we all know someone handing you a diploma doesn’t make you smart anymore than wearing a black belt to work makes you a martial arts master.
Even earning both of those prestigious things – a college diploma or a black belt in some martial art – doesn’t certify you as a genius or the next Bruce Lee.
However, each does make you better off. I can only assume someone who earned a college degree is more intelligent for having gone through the four-year process. As a result of their hard work and earning a diploma they’re more likely to land a good job and enjoy success as compared to those who don’t have a college degree.
Likewise, people who’ve earned a black belt should be much more capable of defending themselves should the need arise.
But there’s another benefit. Having a diploma, black belt or some other certification can make you more persuasive. And the more difficult or rare your certification, the more impressive (i.e., persuasive) it is. That’s the principle of authority in operation.
For example, did you know in 2005 more than 85% of United States citizens had a high school diploma but only 22% had a bachelor’s degree? Of course, getting a degree from a prestigious university will carry more weight than a more run of the mill school. After all, if you hear someone has a degree from Harvard or Yale you’re impressed, aren’t you? The exclusivity of a degree from a prestigious school is the principle of scarcity at work. And the more education you pursue (MBA, doctorate, etc.) the more impact it has.
When it comes to a martial arts black belt there are no official population stats. Having taken taekwondo for many years I can tell you very few people get involved in the martial arts and the vast majority don’t put in the years it requires to earn a black belt. When you hear people have earned a second degree, third degree or more, you know they’ve been practicing their craft for many, many years. The more degrees, the more impressive from an authority and scarcity standpoint.
So when people know you’re a college graduate, especially from a prestigious university, that gives you more credibility but a key is that people know what your credentials are before you attempt to persuade them. This is why speakers should always have a bio prepared for a third party to introduce them before they present.
The same effect can be had prior to important meetings with a newer client. Having a bio prepared for someone (an associate of the person you’ll meet, your boss, a mutual friend, etc.) to send via email on your behalf gets your credibility established before the meeting.
Here’s a powerful tip – you write the bio or email. That’s right, you write the bio or email then give it to the third party and tell them they can wordsmith it so it sounds like them. Never, ever, ever leave it up to the other person to write this on your behalf because they don’t know all you’ve done and accomplished. As you write the email it may feel like you’re bragging but it will sound perfectly natural coming from the other person.
Another area you want to make sure is current is LinkedIn. Does your LinkedIn profile show your degree? How about your awards and certificates? Do you mention any in your summary? LinkedIn is your online resume and people are checking it out so make sure it’s the best reflection possible of you and your accomplishments.
So here’s your take away. Work hard, do the things most people aren’t willing to do, and see them through to completion. Once you’ve done that and earned your diploma, certificate, award or some other acknowledgement of your accomplishment, make sure people know about it before you try to persuade. It’s a small thing but it can make a big difference when it comes to persuasion.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

High or Low? Comparing Makes it So!

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William Shakespeare penned this famous line in Hamlet, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Two people can experience the very same thing and one person views it as good while another person sees it as bad. This happens because when we make judgments about good and bad we’re making them in relation to something else.

If you’re in sales and I asked what objection do you face the most when trying to make a sale, I have no doubt the vast majority of people reading this would say, “Price!” When someone says your price is too high it’s because they’re comparing it to something else.

Is $20,000 a lot to pay for a car? Some of you reading this don’t think so because you may drive a high-end car like a Mercedes or BMW, and your ride costs much more than that. Others might view $20,000 as expensive because you’re not into cars and therefore pay a good bit less than that for your vehicle of choice. In both cases, you’re comparing what you’ve paid in the past to $20,000.

As a salesperson here’s what I want you to remember:

“There’s nothing high or low but comparing makes it so.”

The next time you face the price objection, recognize this simple fact and then look for ways to ethically change the prospective customer’s point of comparison.

In the end everyone wants to feel like they got a good deal or great value. In our sales training we define value as follows:

V = WIG / P

Value (V) equals what I get (WIG), divided by price (P). If I can get more for the same price I feel like I got a better deal. Or, if I can get the same thing but pay less, I still believe I got a better deal.

This is where you’ll see advertisers tout “25% more” or “2 for 1.” In both cases you get more (WIG) for the same price (P). On the flip side we see sales all the time. During a sale we get the same item (WIG) for less money (P).

I’ve often shared the following example in training.

A company in Southern California sold spas and hot tubs. Prices ranged from $6,000 on the low end to $15,000 on the upper end. As you might imagine, most salespeople started low and tried to upsell customers. The problem with that approach is once you start at $6,000 the $15,000 spa seems very, very expensive…by comparison.

During a consultation with Robert Cialdini it was mentioned that people who bought the $15,000 spa used it more than some rooms in their homes. The logical question was – how much would it cost to add an additional room to a home in Southern California? Most people said anywhere from $60,000 – $80,000. Ah ha! A potential new comparison point!

Dr. Cialdini advised the spa client to start the sales process with the $15,000 spa and weave the room addition question into the sales conversation. It might go something like this:

Salesperson – “Customers who bought the XP5000 spa love it. In fact, many say they use it as much or more than any room in their house and quite often use it to entertain. If you were to add a room to your home how much would that cost?”

Customer – “I don’t know, maybe $60,000 or $70,000.”

Salesperson – “Well I have good news. You don’t need to spend $60,000 or $70,000 to get that enjoyment because the XP5000 is only $15,000.”

And how well did this approach work? Sales for the high-end spa rose 520% in the three months following the change in sales approach. In the three months before the change, the company only sold five high-end spas. In the three months following the change they sold 26 spas!

No new advertising, no television commercials, and no price discounts were needed. All of those approaches would cost a good bit of money. Instead they simply tweaked their sales conversation to include a legitimate new point of comparison.

So for my salespeople out there, here’s your take away when dealing with the price objection – “There’s nothing high or low but comparing makes it so.” Look for legitimate comparison points then weave them into your sales conversation. If you have a good product that’s worth the asking price you should see sales take a nice jump up as you reframe how customers view your price.

The Overwhelmed Brain – An Interview

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Earlier this month I was the podcast guest on The Overwhelmed Brain: The Journey to a
Stress-Free Life. The site was recently started by Paul Colaianni. Paul and
I have been connected through social media for several years.
Paul’s fascination with psychology, self-help
and his own personal journey led him to start The Overwhelmed Brain. His goal
is to help people who are feeling overwhelmed because of the pace of life and the
circumstances they face.
Several months ago Paul reached out to ask if I’d
be interested in talking about the psychology of persuasion. Of course I said
yes because it’s one of my favorite things to share with people! I truly
believe understanding how to ethically persuade others is a big key to your
professional success and personal happiness.
Would you like to understand a few concepts that
could help you enjoy that personal success? How about more personal happiness?
Would coping a little better with the overwhelming things in your life be beneficial
for you? If you answered yes to any of those questions then I invite you to
visit Paul’s site and listen to theinterview.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Hey, it’s The ASSMAN!

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I love Seinfeld. It’s like Bugs Bunny, it doesn’t matter how many times I watch the show, it is always funny, and I catch little bits of humor I missed before.

One of my favorite episodes is “The Fusilli Jerry.” In that episode a subplot takes place when Kramer accidentally gets the personalized license plates for a local proctologist. As he drives around New York everyone recognizes the ASSMAN.

So, what does the ASSMAN have to do with you and me? Have you ever noticed how some people act as if they’re invisible when they’re in their car? They do things, mouth words, and sometimes use gestures they never would if they were standing next to you, looking you in the eye. The assumed privacy of a car removes some people’s inhibitions. In psychology this is called deindividuation.

Perhaps you’ve been the one who feels less inhibited and have done something you wouldn’t have if you’d been looking someone in the eye and they clearly could identify you.

I’ve been there before. In fact, one time on the way to work I knew someone wanted to get into my lane on the highway and I didn’t let them over. Eventually they merged in behind me. Then, as I got off the exit for work, they did also. When I pulled into my company parking lot, they did also. It turns out it was a coworker; someone I’d known for years. All it took was a glance and he knew it was me who didn’t let him over. I had been acting like the ASSMAN!

I was embarrassed and quickly sent an email apologizing. I told him I wished I could explain it away as a bad day, being in a rush, or something else, but I confessed that sometimes I’m just a jerk. My coworker sent back the nicest email and thanked me for apologizing!

Dale Carnegie says when you’re wrong admit it quickly and emphatically. When you admit weakness that’s actually a way to enhance your authority with another person because you build some credibility for being honest. Odd as it may seem, I think my relationship with that person got better because of that highway incident.

Today I’m the ASSMAN but for a different reason. I have personalized plates that read INFLUNC. No, I’m not a poor speller; I’m limited to seven letters on the license plate.

What I’m more conscious of now is how easy it is to be recognized. It’s not that people are saying, “Hey Influence Guy,” but it’s an easy license plate to spot and remember. As a result, I think I’m a much better, more courteous driver because I’d never want to meet someone and have him or her think, “You’re the jerk I saw on the highway!”

The more conscious we become of this fact – seldom do we operate in complete anonymity – the more likely we are to do the right thing. When we believe no one can tell it’s us, when we believe we can get away with something, many people take advantage. Several of the studies Dan Ariely cites in his book, The Honest Truth About Dishonesty, confirm this.

So, here’s a takeaway for those of you looking for positive change in some behavior. Make the choice to do something to create your own accountability. Something as simple as a sticker on your car, public commitment to friends and coworkers, or photos of your family in prominent places around the office can be the necessary first step to doing the right thing and avoid being known as the ASSMAN in some circles.

Undated 11/3/23

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 650,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

They’re Among Our First Words

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If you’ve raised kids then you’ll surely remember the first words spoken by your children. For many the first word was “mama” or “papa.” I’ll bet a couple of words that followed rather quickly were “no” and “mine.”
The picture is clear – your cute, cuddly, loving child gives you a defiant stare one day and says, “No!” to your request. Or you ask them to share and you hear, “Mine!” Quite often tears followed.
You’re taken aback because you assumed only other people’s kids acted like that, not your sweet little Johnny or Susie. But alas, you’re child is no different and has displayed a part of humanity that’s within all of us. You see, kids who do this aren’t bad; they’re simply reacting to the psychological principle of scarcity.
This principle of influence tells us people want more of what they can’t have and more of things they perceive to be going away. When your child says “no” or “mine,” they’re reacting to what they perceive to be the threat of loss.
“No” usually comes after we’ve asked them to do something and they think they’ll lose the freedom to do what they want. For example, going to bed means losing the freedom to stay up and watch television.
“Mine” comes when we want them to give up something they think is theirs. An example would be; we want them to share the toy they’re playing with but that means they can’t play with it as much as they want. Sometimes they’re not even playing with the toy but once they feel they can’t play with it then they want it all the more.
This doesn’t change much as we grow older. I noticed this in myself not long ago. Our neighbor converted from a regular fireplace to gas and gave us his leftover firewood. He’d always allowed us to take whatever wood we needed but since he wouldn’t need it any longer we moved it from his yard to ours.
We used some throughout the spring so there wasn’t too much left and then one day Jane said another neighbor came and took some wood with her permission. I felt the sting of loss. In my mind I thought, “What?!” It was a selfish thought and as I analyzed why I felt that way this thought occurred to me – if we’d never “taken” the wood and just kept grabbing what we needed I never would have felt like I was losing something. Our neighbor giving it to us and then our moving it to our yard made it feel like it was mine. There it is, that word, “mine.” Suddenly someone else taking some wood – something they’d always done with our neighbor’s permission – made me feel like I lost something.
Quite often we label this as selfishness. Telling someone they’re being selfish probably isn’t the best way to motivate them to change. It’s like telling someone who performed badly, “You suck.” Would you feel like changing if you heard that all the time? Instead of changing you’d probably resent the person saying it. So what can you do?
First, recognize it in yourself. When we see our own shortcomings that usually makes us soften our approach to others.
Second, recognize the reaction you feel is a natural psychological phenomenon. Being motivated by scarcity, like many of the principles of influence, served a survival purpose at one point in time. It still serves a purpose today because there are certain opportunities we want to take advantage of before they go away.
Third, move away from the selfish label and use it as a learning opportunity.

 

Finally, praise your child when they
do the right thing. That might be sharing or it could be simply
doing whatever you ask even if it comes at a small cost to them. If your
request happens to cause an emotional outburst try to empathize with them about
making a hard choice.
These small changes can make big differences in how your child responds to you. You may not get the desired result right away but don’t give up. Take the long view and trust that taking these four simple steps will lead to much better communication between you and your child and that will pay big dividends in the long run.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.