I was so mad I could have spit!

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Not too long ago, I was so mad I could’ve spit! I really lost my cool, and that actually bothered me more than the situation that got me so upset in the first place. They say real wisdom is learning from others’ mistakes, so hopefully, you’ll be a little wiser having read this.

Let’s back up to the situation and start from there. It was really no big deal—a dead car battery in Jane’s SUV. Fortunately, it was parked at the house and not somewhere on the road. I tried to jump it but had no luck. AAA came out and got the car started, but as soon as we turned it off, it was totally dead again. They started the car one more time, and we let it run for quite some time to charge the battery a little.

Trying to be the dutiful husband, I told Jane I’d drive her car to Advance Auto Parts to get a new battery installed while she worked on dinner. As I drove away from the house, I had one thought in mind—don’t stall the car because I won’t be able to start it again.

Like most men, I thought I knew where I was going, but I ended up at the NAPA store, not Advance Auto Parts. That wouldn’t have been so bad except NAPA was closed. So much for my memory and my assurance to Jane that I knew where I was going! When I realized my dilemma, I called Jane because we’d looked up the store phone number online, so I knew she could easily pull it up and tell me where to go. As she was telling me, I started backing out of the NAPA lot and stalled the car! To make matters worse, it started to thunder and lightning.

So, there I am, having done exactly what I tried not to do—stall the car! Because the battery was dead, there was no air conditioning, and I knew I’d have to wait an hour or so before AAA would come. Great!

While all of this was happening, and curses were flying out of my mouth, Jane was still on the phone. I wasn’t mildly upset; I was totally pissed off. I used to have a really bad temper, and it’s gotten much better over the years, but every now and then it still raises its ugly head. While it’s usually directed at myself for making some kind of mistake, it’s not pretty to be around. It’s a part of me that I really, really dislike.

I usually start my day with this phrase: “This is the day the Lord has made, so I will be glad and rejoice in it. Today will be a good day because I will approach everything with a positive attitude, and I’ll learn from every situation.” Well, my attitude wasn’t so positive there in the NAPA parking lot, but I’m learning from it, and, as I said in the opening, I hope you do too.

Here was my big mistake—I focused on what I didn’t want to happen, which was stalling the car. I can’t remember the last time I stalled the car, but as I left the house, “don’t stall” was front and center on my mind. I should know better because I teach about this in sales courses.

Have you ever seen the television show Frasier? If you have, then maybe you recall the episode where Frasier and Niles tried to learn to ride bikes. Frasier struggled because every time he didn’t want to run into something, he kept his eye on it, thinking that would help him avoid the obstacle, but as you might guess, he’d always run into whatever he kept his eye on! He focused on what he didn’t want to do, and that’s what he ended up doing. Frasier’s dilemma is a picture of what occurs in our brains when we think “don’t…”

You see, the brain doesn’t process the “don’t” in a statement, but it does picture the object. For example, if I tell you, “Don’t think about elephants,” you will think about elephants, at least momentarily. Crazy as it sounds, the more you try not to think about elephants, the more you usually do.

To prove my point, I often ask golfers in my training sessions, “What do you think when you come to a hole with water?” The typical response is, “Don’t go in the water.” When I ask what happens most of the time, people laugh and acknowledge they often end up in the water. Why does that happen? Because the water is what they’re focused on, even though it’s prefaced with “don’t.”

So, what’s a person to do? Very simple: you need to focus on what you want to happen. For me, that would be easy on the golf course, but unfortunately, in the scenario I found myself in, I was blind to my own teaching. In a way, I was like the accountant who forgets to balance his checkbook, the investment guy who’s not saving enough for his own retirement, or the doctor who “occasionally” overeats. I failed to take my own good advice.

I think a couple of good things will come from this. First, because the situation was so emotional for me, I’ll probably catch myself before I make the same mistake again. The other good outcome might be you remembering my story next time you have to make a decision, and your choices are “what to do” or “what to not do.” Take it from me, focus on what you want and leave it at that. Doing so might just save you a big headache and a lot of time.

Brian Ahearn
influencePEOPLE
Helping You Hear “Yes”.

You’re Getting Sleepy, Very Sleepy…

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I had lunch recently for the second time with a real live hypnotist, Bill Gladwell. Neither of us could quite remember how we met on Facebook but we did and Bill was kind enough to reach out to me to have lunch. You might be wondering if he hypnotized me; I don’t think so but I did pick up the tab the first time we met. In my defense, I’d planned to do that ahead of time because he made a 30-minute drive to meet me in downtown Columbus.

I’m really glad we hooked up because Bill is a neat guy with fascinating story. As we talked I was interested to learn a little about hypnosis and what he does with his understanding of psychology. I was surprised at how much crossover there was between what he does and the influence training I do.Here’s an example where influence and hypnosis are very similar. Bill talked a lot about creating the right environment for hypnosis and in one of his videos he explained how we go into hypnotic states all the time without realizing it. If you want a familiar scenario consider this; have you ever drove to work, got there then realized you didn’t remember much, if anything about the drive? You were on “autopilot” and mindlessly made your way into work. It’s similar to the “click whir” phenomenon Dr. Robert Cialdini talks about in the opening of Influence Science and Practice.As I’ve mentioned numerous times in this blog, it’s not what you do in the moment of persuasion that’s most important, it’s what you do before that moment. In other words, how you set the stage or create the environment to give you the best chance to persuade is what’s usually most important in the persuasion process.
Play along with me here and be honest; if a total stranger asked you for your phone number and/or email would you give that information to them? I’m willing to bet everyone one of you read that and thought, “No way.” I know that’s what I’d say if you asked me that question. My conversation with Bill helped me realize that’s not necessarily true because the environment can change your response completely. Let me explain.When I was out shopping for my mom’s birthday I went to Bath & Body Works because you can’t really go wrong there shopping for the ladies in your life. After being helped and gathering up several items I waited patiently in line to pay. When it was my turn I was told if I spent a little more I’d actually save money because of a promotion they were having so I grabbed one more small item. The young lady behind the counter proceeded to ring up my order then politely asked, “My I have your phone number?” I mindlessly blurted out the number then gave up my email when asked for that.You and I both know stores don’t need that information to finalize the sale. If I’d given incorrect number or email they’d never know the difference. If I’d have said, “I prefer not to give out that information,” they would not have pushed the issue or denied making the sale. The real point is I didn’t do either and I bet the vast majority of you comply just like I did. We can’t pass off our actions because of authority because what authority does a young lady in her mid-20s have over the customer? I’d say very little to none.
It’s the environment that impacts our behavior along with social proof (a.k.a. consensus). We see and hear other customers giving up that information as we stand in line so it’s natural for us to follow along and do the same when it’s finally our turn to pay and we’re asked the same questions.If you’re like me then you don’t want unwanted text messages or more junk email so next time you find yourself getting sleepy, very sleepy and are about to go into that mindless trance WAKE UP! Quickly ask yourself if what you’re being asked to do is what you really want to do. If you find yourself wrestling with that question then the answer is probably no and you should politely decline to do whatever is being asked. It could save you more than dealing with unwanted texts or email depending on what’s someone is trying to get you to do.Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Once Upon A Time – A Good Twitter Lesson

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Once upon a time – most good stories with a moral start this way – I learned a good lesson on Twitter. I was trying to get the word out about a blog series I’d written. Beyond just sending tweets about my articles, I got in touch with a few dozen people to see if they would help me spread the word.

When using Twitter you can send a direct message (DM) to people who follow you. To ask for help I sent direct messages to people I’d had some contact with. In the past many of these folks had retweeted (RT) my material. 

At the time this occurred I had about 1200 followers who could see whatever I shared. Imagine if 24 followers each had about that many people following them. If they retweeted my message then all of a sudden instead of just 1200 seeing a tweet potentially 30,000 have a chance to see that same message! 

Since social media was so new at the time, there were many unwritten rules and that can lead to trouble. When I directly asked people if they’d help me by retweeting my posts, it bothered one follower so much that he posted the message below to his followers in the public space:

@BrianAhearn Please don’t DM me articles and then ask me to RT them. #tacky #unfollow

As you might imagine, #tacky was telling people what I did was tacky and the #unfollow was telling anyone who followed me that they should stop following. Ouch!

He took his own advice and stopped following me so I couldn’t send him a direct message to try and work it out. My choices were; let it go or try to work it out in the public space.

I chose the second option, but before I did I called a friend whose opinions on social media I respect. Not only did Paul Hebert give me good advice, it allowed me to get my emotions in check. I put the following message in the public arena:

@Name I was looking for help from folks who’d RT posts in the past. Wasn’t trying to be tacky. You could have contacted to discuss? (Meaning, why didn’t you send me a direct message rather than air it in public?)

Shortly I saw the follow on Twitter’s public space:

@BrianAhearn I am of the school of thought that folks will RT what they think is interesting. Put the info out there & we’ll find/spread it.

I thought, fair enough but I didn’t think I violated a rule by simply asking for help so I responded one more time:

@Name Appreciate the response. Please accept apology. I am learning as I go like many others, didn’t mean to offend. All good?

Now I was taking my own medicine. When you want to influence someone, a good way to do so is by engaging the principle of authority. One aspect of authority is admitting weakness or a mistake to gain trust. Apologizing also engages reciprocity because when you apologize you’re conceding a little and often times people will meet you part way. I was hoping my apology would open a door and it did because here’s what I saw next:

@BrianAhearn Aren’t we all still learning?! Your explanation helped me to understand your methods. Thanks for following up.

Then not too long after that tweet I noticed he was once again following me and he posted this message online:

Kudos to @BrianAhearn for communicating with me this morning when I didn’t understand or appreciate his Twitter method.

In my eyes that last message in the public space was a classy move. Now that he was a follower again I sent him a direct message and invited him to have a beer or coffee on me next time he was in Columbus. It so happened he had plans to be in town the following afternoon so we got together.

We talked about the exchange and he said he’d never previously done anything like that – post a public message on a disagreement – so we both learned a good lesson. Personally, I felt good about not giving in to my initial emotional reaction – anger – because I found a way to make things right. Even better, I made a friend who turned out to be a really nice guy and we had much in common. In the end it was all good. 

How can you Influence PEOPLE?

There are several morals to this story. First, when you are highly emotional, don’t do anything rash because it usually doesn’t turn out well. Next, turn to a trusted friend to help you sort out the situation and your thinking. Third, if you are able to resolve the issues, take one more step and try to build a friendship. You can see it turned out well for me, so I’ll close the way most good stories usually do – And all’s well that ends well. The End

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His next book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

 

Influencers from Around the World – Selling to VITO

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Several months ago I introduced Sean Patrick to readers in my Influencers from Around the World article. We’re up to readers from more than 125 countries so I’m continuing with the theme of hearing from other trainers around the world about how they use the principles of influence.

 

Sean’s a feisty Irishman who owns his own sales training company, Sean Patrick Training, and writes a blog, Professional Persuader. We met through Facebook because of Dr. Cialdini and we regularly chat over Skype. If certain things fall in place you might just see Sean in Columbus, Ohio in early October. Sean is a smart, funny guy and I know you’ll enjoy his point of view from across the pond. Look him up on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter.

 

Selling to VITO

All the way through my sales career in the IT world I’ve had to learn how to sell high. If this wasn’t daunting enough I had to learn how to sell to C-level executives COLD. Whatever sales training I had attended throughout my career that had any meaning or left an indelible mark on me came from people I chose to go out and find, and pay to see with my own money.

I wasn’t fortunate enough to have an understanding boss who considered sales training to be a service that more than paid for itself by an increased performance from the sales team. Nor did he view it as a chance to find and un-stick the sticking points. So my learning came from countless books, DVDs, and training courses that not only cost me financially but also in vacation time. Thankfully I usually ended up with just enough spare vacation time to go home for Christmas.

At one point in my career, still being somewhat of a whipper snapper, I came across this guy who sold in a very non-linear, very provocative way. He actually reminded me of one of the characters from the film Glengarry Glenross. This was the man that joined every selling dot together for me. From the initial mindset right through to putting the whole shebang together, I finally realized how natural and uncomplicated selling actually is. I don’t believe it has changed right to this day.

This trainer was the man responsible for opening my eyes to how people comply naturally, easily and unconsciously. When people talk about judgmental heuristics I know what they mean because this guy taught me. This leads very nicely to my point – from that time onward I made the bold decision that if I was to rapidly increase my worth as a salesperson I had to innovate. It was time for a change; time for a major overhaul for Sean Patrick!

“Renew, Revitalize, Rejuvenate!” was my mantra and so I did. At every opportunity I began to put the new ideas into action. I began to pitch my ideas to CEOs, the Very Important Top Officer (VITO). Now sales managers in a lot of companies will do this blindly and really press their salespeople to call high. The first problem with the CEO is the fact that he or she will not entertain a salesperson for one massive reason – language and communication. The salesperson under duress will not know how to speak in the language of the CEO. On the other hand most salespeople would love to talk features and benefits in hopes that the CEO’s ears will prick up and say, “I’m buying,” but that’s not how CEOs think and operate.

Finally we have the other big problem – the personal assistant. The personal assistant, or “PA” as we call her on this side of the pond, is worth her weight in gold at keeping the unwashed outside…and for good reason too, as the CEO’s time is limited and therefore valuable. So there we have all the challenges in a nutshell. Now here’s how to use the power of the authority and the liking principles to level the playing field…at least a little bit.

First of all the authority principle states that we are more likely to believe people in a position of higher power or knowledge that can lead us to a position of advantage or safety. If you want to sell to a CEO, then you have to behave and talk like a CEO. You have to get into their world and their way of thinking. Any CEO you approach is only going to be interested in what you can do to make their top job easier and add financial value for the company and shareholders.

The principle of authority allows us to take a look and notice the relevant symbols of authority; things such as title, clothing, and knowledge. You need to convey that you are an authority on what you know and the information you have is of vital importance to the CEO and this is a meeting he has to attend. All body language, language and behavioural patterns need to reinforce this belief or you will be exited to the front door where you belong. If however you find yourself selling to executives below CEO then act with your authority and beliefs about yourself and soon enough you will be greeted by the CEO.

The above principle of authority can be dramatically increased or enhanced when used in conjunction with liking, the principle whereby people prefer to say yes to individuals they know and like. This simple rule helps to understand how liking can create influence and how compliance professionals may emphasize certain factors and/or attributes to increase their overall attractiveness and subsequent effectiveness.

CEOs may be influenced by your authority and your ability to communicate at the senior level and these activate the principle of liking because you’ll appear similar to them. Combine these two the right way with confidence, act like a CEO and talk like one, and you’ll get the access you require. Then it’s up to you to make the sale.

Sean

I’m sure Sean would love to hear from you so feel free to leave a thought or question in the comments section.
Brianinfluencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

The Vacation Bathing Suit Revisited!

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Last year I wrote a piece call Reverse Psychology and the Vacation Bathing Suit and people found it to be pretty funny. In fact, when I tell the story during training classes I always get quite a few laughs. I’ll leave it to you to read the post if you want but here’s the bottom line: I tricked my wife into buying the bathing suit I liked. I look at it this way; I’m the one who will be looking at it more than anyone else so I should have a strong vote. I got my way because I told her I didn’t like a particular swim suit knowing that would probably make her want the suit. It’s a husband-wife thing that guys will get for sure.

Well, not too long ago we (Jane and I along with Abigail and her friend) found ourselves in familiar territory once again. With just over a week to go before vacation we were at the mall when Jane announced, “I need a new swim suit for vacation.” My eyes lit up and the wheels started turning in my mind!
Immediately I said I was going to have to use double reverse psychology to get what I wanted. That was mostly to make Abigail laugh and throw Jane off the scent of the trail. But I did have a plan.
We got to the section of the store where the women’s bathing suits were and there wasn’t much of a selection, at least from a guy’s point of view. Mostly floral patterns and designs that looked like stuff your grandma wore when you were ten years old.
In psychology there’s something we call compare and contrast. Whatever you present first dramatically impacts what comes next. For example, a woman might think a certain guy is reasonably good looking…until Brad Pitt walks in the room. All of a sudden Mr. Reasonable becomes Mr. Undesirable when standing near Mr. Pitt.
Another example; you love your quaint little house with all its idiosyncrasies…until you go to the Parade of Homes and see what the Jones’ have. Now it’s a race to keep up with the Jones because your quaint home ain’t so quaint no more…by comparison.
You get the basic gist of compare and contrast and that became my angle with the help of my young accomplice. I told Abigail to go hold up some really bad suits so the ones I liked would look extra good by comparison. After seeing a few suits that might look good on her mother’s mother my choices looked pretty appealing to Jane. But the real test still remained – the dressing room mirror!
Jane took three suits in which was a good move on her part because it’s easy to compare three but get beyond that and it’s tough. Have only one and you won’t know if something might look better. Same goes for looking at just two swim suits. Think about it for a moment, most things are sold in threes: small, medium, large. If you’re at Starbucks it’s Tall, Grande or Venti. I’m a runner and running shoes always have a low end pair, medium and high priced shoes. Pay attention and you’ll be amazed.
So Jane tried on all three and I liked all of them. When she’d come out and ask my opinion of a particular suit I’d tell her I liked it. She accused me of playing mind games with her and said she didn’t know what to think. I did have one I liked most but I wouldn’t have been disappointed with any of them. It was like someone offering me a date with Miss Ohio, Miss California or Miss Texas – I might have a favorite but I’m going home happy no matter what. And so it was when we left the store.
So you might be wondering, where’s the picture? I did post a photo last time and got an email from Jane that read, “YOU MIGHT WANT TO ASK MY PERMISSION BEFORE POSTING MY PICTURE WEARING A BATHING SUIT ON TH INTERNET.” (Caps were her idea) Actually, she was good natured about it but I’m not about to press my luck. As you read this the family and I are enjoying a week’s vacation at Put in Bay and I’m enjoying Jane in her new swim suit. Life is good. ; )
My goal with this blog is to help you to learn to hear “Yes!” Become effective at using compare and contrast and you’ll be able to frame your persuasion appeal in a way that gives you the best chance of hearing that simple three letter word.
Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Persuading Personality Types: Survey Questions and Results

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From June 21, 2010 through June 30, 2010 I conducted a survey to try to determine the best influence approaches for different people based on personality type. In all, 265 people participated with the following breakdown by personality type:

Driver/Pragmatic – 96 (36.2%)
Influencer/Expressive – 63 (23.8%)
Amiable/Facilitator – 58 (21.9%)
Thinker/Analytic – 48 (18.1%)

Below are the 10 survey questions. After each question you’ll see the three possible answers. In parentheses is the principle of influence associated with the answer. Following each answer you’ll see the percentage of people in each personality category that chose that particular answer. The “Average” category is the overall percentage of all people that chose the answer regardless of personality type.

Q1 – There’s a popular movie out, one you’ve been thinking about seeing. Which would be most likely to get you to go?

a. A couple of good friends are going. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 59.4%
Influencer/Expressive – 68.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 74.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 60.4%
Average – 64.9%

b. Critics are giving it two thumbs up. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 17.7%
Influencer/Expressive – 14.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 20.7%
Thinker/Analytic – 27.1%
Average – 19.2%

c. It’s only in theaters till the end of the weekend. (Scarcity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 22.9%
Influencer/Expressive – 17.5%
Amiable/Facilitator – 5.2%
Thinker/Analytic – 12.5%
Average – 15.8%

Q2 – Which would be most likely to get you to go out to dinner?

a. The couple who invited you bought your dinner last time. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 10.5%
Influencer/Expressive – 4.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 10.3%
Thinker/Analytic – 12.5%
Average – 9.5%

b. There will be a group of people which might make it more fun. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 43.2%
Influencer/Expressive – 66.7%
Amiable/Facilitator – 41.4%
Thinker/Analytic – 33.3%
Average – 46.6%

c. You’ve told your friends you want to spend more time with them so here’s your chance. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 46.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 28.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 48.3%
Thinker/Analytic – 54.2%
Average – 43.9%

Q3 – You’ve been considering buying a new laptop, one that’s on the more expensive side. Which most influences your buying decision?

a. A friend has the same laptop and loves it. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 13.5%
Influencer/Expressive – 33.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 19.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 20.8%
Average – 20.8

b. It’s rated as excellent in all the online reviews you’ve seen. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 64.6%
Influencer/Expressive – 42.9%
Amiable/Facilitator – 62.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 56.3%
Average – 57.4%

c. It’s on sale but only while supplies last. (Scarcity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 21.9%
Influencer/Expressive – 23.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 19.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 22.9%
Average – 21.9%

Q4 – Someone is trying to set you up on a date with a friend of theirs. Which is the biggest reason you decide to go?

a. The person who is trying to set up the date is one of your closest friends. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 22.1%
Influencer/Expressive – 19.4%
Amiable/Facilitator – 19.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 12.5%
Average – 19.0%

b. Several friends know the potential date and have good things to say. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 31.6%
Influencer/Expressive – 46.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 43.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 45.8%
Average – 40.3%

c. A good friend reminded you this person has all the qualities you always say you’re looking for in a relationship. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 46.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 33.9%
Amiable/Facilitator – 37.9%
Thinker/Analytic – 41.7%
Average – 40.7%

5. There’s a knock at the door and a little girl from the neighborhood is selling Girl Scout cookies. Despite promising yourself you were going to start watching your weight you order some because:

a. You remember this girl’s parents bought things from your child in the past. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 47.9%
Influencer/Expressive – 45.2%
Amiable/Facilitator – 55.2%
Thinker/Analytic – 38.3%
Average – 47.1%

b. She tells you everyone in the neighborhood’s bought some so far and she only needs a few more sales to win a prize. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 16.7%
Influencer/Expressive – 22.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 24.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 19.1%
Average – 20.2%

c. You didn’t buy last time the girl was selling things so you told her to come back another time. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 35.4%
Influencer/Expressive – 32.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 20.7%
Thinker/Analytic – 42.6%
Average – 32.7%

Q6 – You’re married and your spouse asks you to do some light home repairs that might take several hours. You do them primarily because:

a. Your spouse does lots around the house so it’s the least you can do. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 69.8%
Influencer/Expressive – 77.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 68.4%
Thinker/Analytic – 77.1%
Average – 72.7%

b. Your spouse reminded you that other spouses generally do these kinds of things around the house to help out. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 3.1%
Influencer/Expressive – 1.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 3.5%
Thinker/Analytic – 0.0%
Average – 2.3%

c. You’re going on vacation soon so either you get the repairs done now or spend money on a repairman. (Scarcity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 27.1%
Influencer/Expressive – 20.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 28.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 22.9%
Average – 25.0%

Q7 – You get invited to a wedding and it’s the same weekend you planned to start your family vacation. The couple mentioned the date when they set it but you forgot about it when you planned this vacation. You decide to go and the biggest reason is:

a. The couple came to your wedding. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 5.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 11.1%
Amiable/Facilitator – 1.7%
Thinker/Analytic – 0.0%
Average – 4.9%

b. Several good friends from college will be there and they’re asking you to come and relive the good old days. (Consensus)

Driver/Pragmatic – 9.6%
Influencer/Expressive – 12.7%
Amiable/Facilitator – 5.2%
Thinker/Analytic – 6.3%
Average – 8.7%

c. You’ve told them, “Absolutely we’ll be there” when they mentioned it shortly after setting the date. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 85.1%
Influencer/Expressive – 76.2%
Amiable/Facilitator – 93.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 93.8%
Average – 86.3%

Q8 – You’re trying to decide about whether or not to leave the company you’ve been at for more than 10 years for a new opportunity. Which plays into your decision most?

a. A good friend works at the company you’re considering and it would be great to work with them. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 8.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 15.9%
Amiable/Facilitator – 10.5%
Thinker/Analytic – 10.4%
Average – 11.0%

b. You read in several business magazines it’s one of the top companies to work for. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 54.2%
Influencer/Expressive – 42.9%
Amiable/Facilitator – 56.1%
Thinker/Analytic – 68.8%
Average – 54.5%

c. You know they only hire a handful of people each year into this prestigious training program. (Scarcity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 37.5%
Influencer/Expressive – 41.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 33.3%
Thinker/Analytic – 20.8%
Average – 35.5%

Q9 – You decide to buy a new car. Which of the following plays into your decision the most?

a. The salesman is an acquaintance who helped you out big time when he worked for a different company, one that did business with your company. (Reciprocity)

Driver/Pragmatic – 7.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 20.6%
Amiable/Facilitator – 5.2%
Thinker/Analytic – 10.4%
Average – 10.6%

b. The car has the highest consumer reports rating. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 81.3%
Influencer/Expressive – 69.8%
Amiable/Facilitator – 81.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 72.9%
Average – 77.0%

c. This is the last year for the body type you like. (Scarcity)
Driver/Pragmatic – 11.5%
Influencer/Expressive – 9.5%
Amiable/Facilitator – 13.8%
Thinker/Analytic – 16.7%
Average – 12.5%

Q10 – Someone at work needs your help. You’re hesitant at first because you’re pressed for time before your vacation. You decide to work overtime and help mostly because:

a. It’s a long-time friend. (Liking)

Driver/Pragmatic – 34.7%
Influencer/Expressive – 36.5%
Amiable/Facilitator – 50.0%
Thinker/Analytic – 16.7%
Average – 35.2%

b. You were recommended by one of the senior managers because you’re one of the few people with the right technical background. (Authority)

Driver/Pragmatic – 27.4%
Influencer/Expressive – 33.3%
Amiable/Facilitator – 20.7%
Thinker/Analytic – 33.3%
Average – 28.4%

c. The person mentioned how valuable your input was on a similar project a few months ago and you want to maintain that reputation. (Consistency)

Driver/Pragmatic – 37.9%
Influencer/Expressive – 30.2%
Amiable/Facilitator – 29.3%
Thinker/Analytic – 50.0%
Average – 37.4%

Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

 

Persuading Personality Types: The Driver/Pragmatic

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We’re on the final group in our look at the best ways to persuade people based on personality type. Our final group is the driver/pragmatic and as the name implies, people in this category are “driven.” They thrive on challenges and have a strong intrinsic motivation to succeed. They are practical, focused and results oriented. They have the ability to get lots accomplished quickly. Pragmatics talk faster than most people, can be very direct and usually get straight to the point. Words that describe people in this category include: action-orientated, decisive, problem solver, direct, assertive, demanding, risk taker, forceful, competitive, independent, determined and results-orientated.

With 96 people (36%) identifying themselves as being the driver/pragmatic personality type, they were far and away the largest group taking the survey which I think is only logical. Think about the kind of person that’s going to read a blog on influence and persuasion – probably a driven person who looks for opportunities for self-improvement.

The second largest group was the influencer/expressive which should also come as no surprise. Leaders, people who need to persuade others, generally fall into the driver/pragmatic and influencer/expressive categories.

As I strongly suspected, the driver/pragmatic personality type is heavily influenced by the principles of scarcity, consistency and authority.

Scarcity

My original hypothesis with drivers was that scarcity would play a big role in persuading them. My reasoning was simple – drivers are used to winning, that’s why they’re usually successful so show them what they stand to lose and you can probably move them to action. The survey results showed this to be the case as this group on the whole was more motivated by scarcity than all the other groups. It’s not that they were always motivated most by scarcity on each question but they were more consistently motivated by this particular principle of influence, choosing it as an answer about a quarter of the time.The survey question I found most interesting was question 1: There’s a popular movie out, one you’ve been thinking about seeing. Which would be most likely to get you to go? Because this was really a social situation it should not be a surprise that most people chose the answer that had to do with liking (A couple of good friends are going) but significantly more drivers, as compared to the other personality groups, said they would go when they learned, “It’s only in theaters till the end of the weekend.” In fact, the ratio of drivers choosing this answer was nearly double the analytics and more than four times the percentage of amiables!

Consistency

Another thought I had about those in the driver/pragmatic group was this; their self confidence makes them believe they’re right so it might seem like they stubbornly hold to an opinion. If you can tie your request to what they’ve said or done in the past (principle of consistency) your odds of success will go up. As Richard Dawson used to say on Family Feud, “Survey says…Yes!” The group that was most motivated by consistency was the analytic/thinker followed by the driver/pragmatic. A full 50% of the time, drivers chose an answer having to do with consistency when that was a possible choice. When an answer dealing with consistency was available, drivers chose it about 10% more often than amiables and 25% more often than people in the influencer/expressive category. I found question 4 most interesting for this group because it was social:

Q – Someone is trying to set you up on a date with a friend of theirs. Which is the biggest reason you decide to go?
A – A good friend reminded you this person has all the qualities you always say you’re looking for in a relationship. Drivers responded to the consistency answer 46% of the time compared to 42% of the analytics, 37% of the amiables and just 32% of the influencers.

Authority

I was right on with my assumption about the principle of authority impacting the driver/pragmatic personality. My thought was this; they don’t care much what the crowd says because they tend to blaze their own trail and are willing to go it alone. However, cite a recognized expert or someone they respect and they’ll pay attention. When an answer dealing with authority was an option drivers responded to it just about half of the time and that figure would have been much higher but the percentage for question 1 about going to the movies had a very low response rate to the authority answer (critics are giving it two thumbs up).

Conclusion

What conclusion can we draw about people in the driver/pragmatic category when it comes to influencing them? I say with some pride, what I originally thought – tap into scarcity by telling them what they stand to lose if they don’t do what you’re asking. Bring to bear information from a person or source they recognize and respect to back up your assertion and if possible, incorporate their words or actions into what you’re asking. Bringing these three principles of influence to bear at one time could make if awfully hard for them to say “No” which means it’s much more likely for you to hear “Yes!”

Survey Wrap

So there you have it, my analysis of the personality/influence survey data. As I shared at the start of this project, I’m not a professional survey administrator nor am I a behavioral psychologist. Perhaps people in those fields will read this and take it several steps further. My goal was simple – to give you some easy to remember insights on a few ways to use the principles of influence in a more strategic way when you clearly know the type of person you’re dealing with. If you have thoughts on this subject I’d love to hear from you so just leave a comment below and I’ll respond as time permits.

Brian

Persuading Personality Types: The Expressive/Influencer

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Day three on the personality types and we’re going to look at the survey data for the influencer/expressive personalities. Expressive people are easy to spot because they outgoing, enthusiastic and operate with a high energy level. They’re idea people who sometimes struggle to see their ideas through to completion. If you need help you can usually count on them to come through. Expressive people enjoy socializing but can be slow to reach a decision. If you’re an expressive person then people might see you as a fast talker, dramatic and somewhat impulsive. Words that describe people in this class include: verbal, motivating, enthusiastic, convincing, impulsive, influential, charming, confident, dramatic, optimistic and animated.

There were 61 people (24%) who self identified as having the expressive/influencer personality on the survey. As a general statement, people in this group responded most to the principles of consensus, liking and reciprocity. This was very consistent with my gut instinct for this personality.

Consensus 

As the name implies, people in this group are influencers. They understand the power of the crowd because they’re usually the ones moving the masses to action. They can also see the benefit of being part of the group.The second survey question really stood out for this group: Which would be most likely to get you to go out to dinner? The overwhelming answer for the expressive people was – There will be a group of people which might make it more fun. More than 66% chose this as the reason to go to dinner, almost triple the response rate than for this answer – You’ve told your friends you want to spend more time with them so here’s your chance. Interestingly the drivers and amiables were pretty evenly split between those two answers. The expressive folks would rather have fun in a crowd than a small group. On two of the other questions where consensus was a possible choice people in the influencer/expressive category clearly chose the consensus answer more than the other groups and on one other question they were very close to being the top answer.

Liking

It makes complete sense to me that expressive people would be motivated by liking too. As the category name implies, they like to express themselves and often that’s talking about themselves – their accomplishments, likes, dislikes, etc. If you talk with someone of the expressive/influencer type, connect on similarities, offer up sincere compliments and ask questions that will allow them to talk. If you can do this you’ll have a better chance to move them in your direction.

Q – You’ve been considering buying a new laptop, one that’s on the more expensive side. Which most influences your buying decision?

A – A friend has the same laptop and loves it.

A third of the expressive type said the friend would be their main reason for buying the laptop. Consider this; every other group chose that answer about 20% of the time or less. That means 50% more expressive people listed this reason than did the other groups. The other groups were much more motivated by authority than were the expressive/influencers.

Reciprocity

Here’s another motivating principle that makes total sense. People in the expressive/influencer group have lots of friends. One way to build your network of friends is by offering help and engaging reciprocity. Because they understand the value of favors they play by the rules and respond to those who’ve done favors for them.Question 6 was interesting:

Q – You’re married and your spouse asks you to do some light home repairs that might take several hours. You do them primarily because:

A – Your spouse does lots around the house so it’s the least you can do.The vast majority, nearly 73%, responded to the “because my spouse does lots” but the highest percentage came from the influencer/expressive people.

Conclusion

What conclusion can we draw about people in the influencer/expressive category when it comes to persuasion? After you’ve surveyed the situation for what’s naturally available, specifically look for ways to leverage liking, consensus and reciprocity. If authority, consistency and scarcity can be worked into your influence attempt, then by all means do so and you’ll know you’ve taken the right steps to be as persuasive as possible.

Brian
influencepeople
Helping you learn to hear “Yes”.

 

Persuading Personality Types: The Facilitator/Amiable

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Up today are the results for the facilitator/amiable individuals. Folks who fall into this group are dependable, loyal and easygoing. They prefer things, people and activities that are non-threatening and friendly. They don’t like dealing with impersonal details or cold hard facts. It may surprise you to know facilitators are usually quick to make decisions. Others often describe amiables as warm people who are sensitive to the feelings of others.

Words that describe the facilitator/amiable are: patient, loyal, sympathetic, team person, relaxed, mature, supportive, stable, considerate, empathetic, persevering, trusting and congenial.

Of those that took the survey, 58 people (22%) considered themselves amiable. When compared to the average response rates, people in this group responded most to the principles of liking, authority and consensus.

Liking

Because amiables are nice, easy going people who focus on more on relationships than tasks it’s probably no surprise to anyone that the principle of influence that would impact them the most would be liking. Liking is important with everyone but much more so with these folks and the influence/expressive type.

The first survey question really stood out: There’s a popular movie out, one you’ve been thinking about seeing. Which would be most likely to get you to go? For each group the overwhelming answer chosen was – A couple of good friends are going. For the driver and analytic about 60% said that was their reason for going to the movies but three out of four amiables said this was why they’d go.

The other question that was noticeable was the last on the survey:

Q – Someone at work needs your help. You’re hesitant at first because you’re pressed for time before your vacation. You decide to work overtime and help mostly because:

A – It’s a long-time friend.

Half of the amiables said they’d stay late for the long-time friend where the average for all people taking the test was slightly more than a third.

Authority

I have to admit I was surprised by the data that showed authority was a big motivator for amiables. The choices for all groups, except the influencer/expressive, were above 50% when the question involved money (buying a laptop or car, changing careers). In fact, with each of those questions the percentage of amiables choosing the authority answer exceeded the average for all groups.

When it came to buying the car the overwhelming percentage of people taking the survey were inclined to make a choice based on consumer reports, an authority. While 71% of the influencer/expressive and analytical/thinkers stated this as their reason, a whopping 81% of the amiable/facilitator and driver/pragmatics based their buying decision on the recommendation from an authority.

Consensus

The other principle that deserves mention for the amiable/facilitator group is the principle of consensus. My initial hypothesis was that consensus would be a big motivator for people who are also motivated by liking. My thought was the amiable would be the kind to go with the flow and want to get along with everyone. I still believe this is true although my data had it third on the list. I had one question that was truly a dud when it came to consensus.

Q – You’re married and your spouse asks you to do some light home repairs that might take several hours. You do them primarily because:

A – Your spouse reminded you that other spouses generally do these kinds of things around the house to help out.

For this question the average person chose this answer 2% of the time (6 out of 265 people). It could be that many people taking the survey were not married but I suspect the conversation in the house where someone “reminds” you what other spouses do would probably produce resentment. If I’d done a better job giving a reasonable choice on this one I suspect there would have been many more choosing the consensus answer.

Conclusion

So what do I conclude about people who fall into the amiable/facilitator group? Again, start by look for naturally occurring principles. When you have the opportunity to plan ahead for a persuasion situation involving the amiable/facilitator, look for ways utilize liking, authority and, based on my hypothesis above, consensus in your communication. As for the remaining principles – reciprocity, consistency and scarcity – the data showed these to be about equal when it comes to motivating the amiable. If one of these remaining principles fit well into the situation then go for it. Keeping these simple tips in mind will increase your odds for success.

Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Persuading Personality Types: The Thinker/Analytic

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Today we begin to dig into the survey results for the different personality types starting with the thinker/analytical group. People that predominantly fall into this category are generally systematic, well organized and deliberate. They appreciate facts and information presented in a logical manner and get satisfaction from organizing and completing detailed tasks. Analytical people can be viewed as cautious, highly structured people who adopt a rule-oriented approach to life. Words that describe the thinker/analytic include: controlled, orderly, precise, disciplined, deliberate, cautious, diplomatic, systematic, logical and conventional.

In the survey, 48 people (18%) participating fell into this category making it the smallest of the four groups. When compared to the average response rates, analytical people tended to respond most to the principles of authority and consistency.

Consistency

This was no surprise to me. The analytic spends time thinking before acting or talking so they will probably be confident in what they’re doing or saying. Tap into prior words or deeds and you can move them to act. When it came to consistency, one question that really stood out was: You get invited to a wedding and it’s the same weekend you planned to start your family vacation. The couple mentioned the date when they set it but you forgot about it when you planned this vacation. You decide to go and the biggest reason is:

The answer that had to do with consistency – You told them, “Absolutely we’ll be there,” when they mentioned it shortly after setting the date – was far and away the top choice for all personality types but even more so for the analytic. Nearly every analytic, 94%, said that would be their reason for attending the wedding. With two other questions, at least half of the analytics responded by choosing the answer that was associated with consistency. Their response rate was much higher than the other three groups. The questions and answers were:

Q – Which would be most likely to get you to go out to dinner?

A – You’ve told your friends you want to spend more time with them so here’s your chance.

Q – Someone at work needs your help. You’re hesitant at first because you’re pressed for time before your vacation. You decide to work overtime and help mostly because:

A – The person mentioned how valuable your input was on a similar project a few months ago and you want to maintain that reputation.

Authority

Authority was a big motivator for each group except the influencer/expressive. So what stood out for the analytical person? As you might expect, someone who thinks a lot and deeply will carefully consider the claims of an expert. The survey results show they were more motivated by answers that had an authority bent than each of the other groups. A few questions (buying a car and buying a laptop) had high authority responses from each group. In fact, the drivers and amiables were a little more motivated by authority than were the analytics when it came to answering these questions. My take on that interesting fact is that analytics are probably already comfortable with their technical knowledge of these items.

However we look at it, when it comes to spending relatively significant amounts of money most of us like to look to those who are more knowledgeable than we are. The question that caught my eye for the analytics was:

Q – You’re trying to decide about whether or not to leave the company you’ve been at for more than 10 years for a new opportunity. Which plays into your decision most?

A – You read in several business magazines it’s one of the top companies to work for.

Nearly 70% of analytics said this would be their reason for working at the new company compared to just over half the people in the driver and amiable groups. Only 43% of influencers were motivated by this answer. By contrast, the scarcity answer – you know they only hire a handful of people each year into this prestigious training program – was far less motivating for the analytical people than the other groups. The average response rate for all people was 35% but only 21% of analytics chose this answer. Maybe analytical types aren’t so motivated by prestige and exclusivity?

When it came to the remaining four principles of influence – reciprocity, liking, consensus and scarcity – I was surprised to see reciprocity was the most impacting principle. In my original article on this subject my hypothesis was that consensus would be most influential because I thought analytics would like to “play the odds” and go with the crowd like we used to see on “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” However, what should not come as a surprise is the fact that reciprocity motivates everyone, just not to the same extent, because most of us are raised being taught to say “thanks” when someone does something for us. Some parents take it farther and teach kids to “return the favor.”

Conclusion

When I conduct a Principles of Persuasion workshop I emphasize that people should look for naturally occurring principles. You never want to force something and come across as a manipulative salesperson. Understanding what motivates different personality styles allows you to prepare in advance then naturally structure your requests in a way that will help you be most persuasive. When it comes to persuading the analytical/thinker type, look for opportunities to incorporate authority and consistency into your presentation. By all means, if reciprocity, liking, consensus and scarcity naturally present themselves then work them in and you’ll have the best chance to succeed.

Brian
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.