LinkedIn recently came out with their annual list of the most in demand skills according to employers. In order, the top five soft skills were:

• Management
• Communication
• Customer Service
• Leadership 
• Sales

As someone who helps leaders and salespeople, those two skills jumped out at me. What came to mind for both was this; you cannot succeed at either unless you know how to influence people. 

Leadership

Leadership is a critical skill for creating greater impact. It’s a multiplier, the lever to accomplish great things because a group of people working together will almost always accomplish more than any individual can working alone. 

While there are many aspects to being a great leader, having a vision and a strategy to fulfill the vision top the list. But neither is enough if you can’t motivate people to buy into the vision and execute the strategy. This is where influence comes in.

Being a great leader doesn’t mean you know everything or more than your team members. In fact, those who follow you should know more than you and be better at their jobs. 

My long-time boss, John Petrucci, used to talk about the inverted pyramid. As a leader he was at the bottom, supporting us so we could do our jobs to the best of our abilities. 

Your role as a leader is to help your team accomplish more than they thought possible. That’s why we hear good leaders say, “TEAM means Together Everyone Accomplishes More.”

I’m reminded of something Tom Landry, the late football coach of the Dallas Cowboys, said about his leadership, “Leadership is getting someone to do what they don’t want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve.”  

Leadership is all about influence!

Sales 

When I talk about sales, I often refer to sales guru Brian Tracy’s definition. No need to reinvent the wheel because Tracy says it perfectly, “Selling is the process of persuading a person that your product or service is of more value to him or her than the price you’re asking.”

Selling starts with a process. It’s not about winging it, the “gift of gab,” or “selling ice to eskimos.” However, it won’t do you any good to have a great process if you don’t know how to persuade. 

Selling is about helping people. When your product or service helps them run a better business, protect their family (insurance), or achieve their goals, you should feel good about what you’re offering. Even that isn’t enough. 

Persuasion is the skill that helps you convey value, helping prospective customers realize how they’ll be better off by doing business with you and your organization. 

Bottom line: persuasion helps you get to yes with prospects at every step in the sales process. 

Influence and Persuasion

In LinkedIn’s 2019 and 2020 surveys of its 700+ million users, influence was the #2 skill employers said was most important for their employees. It’s the bedrock for sales, leadership, and more because it’s critical for professional success.

And know this; the skill of influence goes beyond work. For example, if you’re a parent you’re trying to influence your children every day in a multitude of ways.

Even if you aren’t a parent, you use the skill of influence every day. I often tell audiences, influence is a 24x7x365 skill each of us uses from womb to tomb.

Tune in next week to get a detailed definition of exactly what influence/persuasion is and the challenges you’ll face when you try to influence people.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

The following is an excerpt from my book Persuasive Selling. Because it’s Valentine’s Day I thought it was appropriate to share it again. I hope it inspired you to set the stage romantically with someone you love.

Once Upon a Time…

In July 1986, I was a recent college graduate walking into the HR training room for The Travelers Insurance Company. First job, first day and I saw Jane Baily, a recent college grad also on her first day of work. My thought at that moment was, “Wow, she’s beautiful!”

Many years later she told me what she thought when she first laid eyes on me; “What an egghead. The Travelers really got a winner here.” Okay, I stumbled badly out of the gate but I recovered quickly. Within a few weeks I was no longer going out with my longtime girlfriend and I began dating Jane. We quickly fell in love and everything was awesome…until my old girlfriend called out of the blue later that fall.

That phone call threw me for a loop! I started wondering if I’d made the right choice. Did I want to give up all those years with my ex-girlfriend? But I loved Jane. I was torn and suddenly I was back and forth between these two women. Some people might think having two people want you would be a great “problem” to have but it was horrible because I had a conscience and didn’t want to hurt either person. In hindsight, that’s all I did as I went back and forth between the two for about six months.

Jane and I still worked together and one day I saw her in the break room and asked how she was doing. She told me she was fine and announced she was done with my indecision. She went on to tell me even if I asked her out again she’d say no because in her mind it was over. She wasn’t going to put up with my indecision any longer and who could blame her? That was a problem because I was beginning to think she was the one I wanted to be with. In fact, I was thinking I wanted to marry her.

If you had known me at that time you would have said, “Don’t do it. Don’t ask her to marry you. Just date a while and make sure that’s how you really feel.” If you had known Jane you probably would have encouraged her to run for the hills. At a minimum you might have suggested some proving period of dating, maybe six to nine months, to see if I had truly settled things in my heart.

I knew I was going to have to do something big if I was going to hear “Yes!” to a marriage proposal. Here’s what I did.

On Jane’s birthday, May 14, 1987, I sent her a dozen roses at work. Of course, she loved that and the attention she got from all the ladies in the office.

I told her I wanted to take her to dinner and she agreed. I showed up at her apartment with another dozen roses and a bottle of wine. At this point she was thinking, “This is turning out to be a pretty good birthday!”

When we went downstairs from her apartment to leave for the restaurant she saw the 1963 Silver Cloud Rolls Royce and chauffeur I’d hired to take us to dinner. Now it was beginning to feel like a fairy tale he drove us to downtown Columbus.

The restaurant I chose was atop one of the tallest buildings in the city. We rode a glass elevator up more than 30 floors, had a romantic dinner overlooking the city then rode the glass elevator back down.

In the back of the Rolls Royce, on our way back to her apartment I popped the question and she said “Yes!” As of the writing of this book, we’ve been married for 32 years.

I had no idea what the psychology of pre-suasion was at the time but I’d unknowingly engaged it (pun intended) in a big way. Imagine for a moment that I’d asked Jane to marry me at work in the break room:

Me – “Jane, I’m sorry for all the indecision. I love you and want to be with you. Will you marry me?”

Jane – “No!” or best case scenario “I think we can start by dating first and see where this goes.”

Fortunately, I “set the stage” romantically in a way that made “Yes!” far more likely. That’s exactly what pre-suasion is all about; creating conditions that will put someone in a frame of mind that makes it easier for them to say “Yes” when you make your ask. Pre-suasion led to success and happiness for me and I hope it does for you too.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

I don’t watch the news as much as I used to and I’m happier and less stressed because of that decision. But every now and then I go against my better judgment and turn on the news before dinner, usually flipping between MSNBC, Fox, and CNN.

The Debt Ceiling Fight

Recently I saw Ari Melber, host of MSNBC’s The Beat with Ari Melber, talking about our national debt. He stated that former President Trump’s spending during his four years in office accounts for 25% of our current national debt. This was being discussed because of the debt ceiling fight going on between the republican controlled congress and the White House.

Melber had several guests on the show railing against Trump’s spending as if it were the only reason we’d hit the debt ceiling. What a terrible administration they were to run up the national debt by such a huge percentage! But wait a minute, what have other recent presidents done to our national debt because of their spending? 

Presidents Adding to the Debt

According to an article from The Balance, US Debt by President: Dollar and Percentage, here’s how our last five presidents have added to our total debt by the end of their time in office:

• Donald Trump added $6.7 trillion over 4 years, 33% increase
• Barack Obama added $8.6 trillion over 8 years, 74% increase
• George W. Bush added $5.85 trillion over 8 years, 101% increase
• Bill Clinton added $1.4 trillion over 8 years, 32% increase
• George H.W. Bush, $1.55 trillion over 4 years, 54% increase

In case you’re wondering about Ronald Regan, he added 186%, but that’s a drop in the bucket compared to Woodrow Wilson’s 723% increase and FDR’s 1048% increase!

Of course, with every administration there’s always a reason for blowing out the spending – Covid, battling a recession and financial meltdown, Middle East war, etc. 

Is Biden Lowering the Debt?

When you hear the Biden administration is lowering the debt, don’t believe it. That’s not my opinion, that’s according to Politifact. The “rescue plan” and other spending initiatives continue to drive the deficit up. For the time being the debt may be rising at a slower rate but it’s still going up. Not knowing what excuses may come this year or next, it remains to be seen what the total and percentage will be by the end of Biden’s term on December 31, 2024.

Media Manipulation

While I’ve shared a lot of numbers and railed against out-of-control spending, my real issue is with our news. Every station is severely slanted to one side or another. MSNBC and CNN sound like apologists for the democrats whereas Fox continually defends republicans. Melber’s presentation of the debt fact may be true, but the context is designed to give an incorrect impression. In other words, it’s pure manipulation.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Let’s just be honest about our political system – Democrats and Republicans are two sides of the same coin and boy oh boy do they like spending those coins! In fact, it’s very apparent they like spending the coins they don’t have and that comes at the expense of every citizen.

In case anyone thinks I’m an apologist for Trump. I didn’t vote for the guy either time, but I didn’t vote for Hillary or Biden either. Voting for the same parties over and over and expecting something different is Einstein’s definition of insanity playing out in real time.

Paying Off the Debt

Let me close with a staggering fact. Our national debt now stands at $31.5 trillion dollars ($31,500,000,000,000). With 332 million citizens in the U.S. that means every person in the country would have to pay $95,000 to reduce the debt to zero. Or how about this, we start paying down the debt by $1 million a day. A million dollars is still a lot of money so how long do you think it will take us to pay it off? Believe it or not, 86,000 years!!!!

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

Quite a while ago, Jane and I went on a four-day, three-night, Royal Caribbean cruise. During the cruise we had a full day at sea which meant all the action was going to be poolside that day. Knowing that, we arrived at the pool extra early so we could grab a couple of lounge chairs poolside!

After a relaxing morning we decided to go play a bingo ticket because it was potentially worth $5000. The odds of winning were slim but scarcity – the fear of losing out on the chance for the big prize – motivated us to go to the bingo area.

A Sad Situation

We were only gone for about 30-45 minutes but when we got back to the pool, low and behold, people were laying on our chairs! I politely let them know they were sitting on our chairs, but they refused to move. I pointed out that the clothes, books, and other items they’d put at the foot of the chairs were ours and were obvious indicators the chairs were still being used.

Again, they refused to move so we called for a pool attendant. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t help us because he said we’d been gone more than 30 minutes. Suffice it to say, the exchange that took place over the loss of the poolside lounge chairs put a damper on the day.

Live and Learn 

The following year, after learning a thing or two about persuasion, we were able to avoid a repeat performance. On the same cruise line, we were facing the same situation; a day at sea and another early trip to the pool. 

As we enjoyed the morning a young couple took one of the last lounge chairs available, which happened to be next to us. While the wife leisurely stretched out and enjoyed the sun, her husband was relegated to sitting at the foot of the lounge chair as he read his book.

Tapping Into Consistency

When lunchtime rolled around, Jane and I decided to go to the schooner lounge to grab a bite to eat. Leary of coming back to lost chairs, I turned to the young couple and asked, “Would you mind watching our things because we want to grab some lunch?” As any nice couple would, they agreed.

By asking that question, I knew I’d tapped into consistency, the psychological pressure people feel when it comes to keeping their commitments. Once we’ve given our word, we feel good about ourselves when we keep it. How do you think that young couple would have felt if we’d come back to find strangers stretched out on our chairs? If they’re like most people they’d feel bad and nobody wants to feel that way.

Next Came Reciprocity

After they agreed to watch our chairs, I told the young man he was welcome to stretch out on one of our chairs while we were gone, which he was eager to do. Because I’d given him something reciprocity was now at play, the feeling of obligation to give back to someone who’s given to us. Having given him use of our chairs, I knew he’d be much more likely to make sure no one tried to take our spot.

I got a double whammy for my efforts by engaging consistency and reciprocity. What you’ll find is quite often it’s possible to bring multiple influence principles to bear in a situation and when you do so it significantly increases the odds of hearing someone say “Yes” when you make a request.

A Happy Ending

As you might expect, we enjoyed our lunch and returned to the pool later to find our lounge chairs waiting for us which made for a pleasant afternoon! 

I’m a firm believer that knowing how to ethically influence people is a critical skill for professional success and personal happiness. We certainly had a happy ending that day.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

Happy New Year! I hope 2022 was a great year for you, professionally and personally. Coming out of the pandemic, I had a mix of online and in person speaking and training sessions throughout the year.

When it came to insurance companies, agencies, and associations, last year was fantastic! I worked with the Missouri Association of Insurance Agents, MMG Insurance, Columbia Insurance, Ohio Insurance Agents, Frost Insurance, Burkhart Insurance, Frankenmuth Insurance, and Indiana Farmers Insurance.

Outside of insurance clients included the National Glass Association, International Business Brokers Association, Tentac Enterprises, Canadian Wealth Strategies, and the Department of Defense.

Finally, I did a few online training sessions with marketing students at Vanderbilt and Miami University.

Here’s to hoping 2023 will be your best year ever and that each one going forward only gets better and better. You have a clean slate and new possibilities so I hope what I continue to share on a weekly basis adds to your professional success and personal happiness.

Sincerely,

Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

•       Why – Help you achieve more professional success and enjoy more personal happiness.
•       How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.
•       What – Speak, write, train, coach, and consult.
•       Who – Clients include leaders, salespeople, business coaches, insurance professionals, and more.

Here’s What’s New…

Speaking

Some upcoming speaking events include the Joe Vincent Seminar in Austin later this month. In May I will address Continental Insurance Agency Alliance (CIAA) members in Denver. Then in June I’ll be in Sheridan, Wyoming to talk with members of the Association of Wyoming Insurance Agents.

Writing

My next book, His Story, My Story, Our Story: The Journey of a Marine and His Son, is coming along nicely. I was going to go the self-publishing route but on the encouragement of my editor I’m going to see if I can find a traditional publishing house. The reason for the change in approach is that she (my editor) has been in a monthly book club for 30 years (that’s a lot of reading!) and thinks I have something really good.

As noted in a previous newsletter, the #1 goal is to make the book a resource for Marines and their families with the hope that reading it will lead to better relationships between Marines and their loved ones. However, beyond the Marines, I think anyone will enjoy the story, relate to the father-son relationship, and find the family dynamics interesting.

Want a sneak peak of His Story, My Story, Our Story?  CLICK HERE

Podcasts

More podcasts went online in the fourth quarter and more are in the hopper. If you enjoy podcasts, links to all 160 shows I’ve been on are cataloged on my website. Below are a few recent shows you might find interesting:

• Ivan Farber invited me on his podcast after we were introduce by a mutual friend Patrick Galvin. Ivan and I spent nearly an hour diving into the principles of influence and their practical application in daily life. The goal of this conversation is to help you improve your communication skills so you can enjoy more success at the office and happiness at home. To listen to the conversation click here.
• Scott Vanko met my wife several years ago at the airport because they were both wearing Steelers apparel. That chance encounter led to me being a guest on his podcast. Scott asked me to return to the show to discuss ideas from my book The Influencer and other life lessons. Click here to listen.

Best of…

More recommendations for you to read, listen to, and watch. We’re all different but I  encourage you to be open minded to anything new that will stretch your thinking and challenge your assumptions.

Read

What Your Employees Need And Can’t Tell You, is the latest book from my friend, author, and podcast host Melina Palmer. The book is geared towards managers and leaders, giving insights into human behavior and thinking. Melina dives into many of the biases and hueristics all human beings operate by to one degree or another. Using case studies, research, and engaging stories she teaches readers and gives practical application to avoid errors in human thinking. The goal is to help you harness the potential of your team in brain friendly ways. Even if you’re not in a formal leadership position, I encourage you to pick up the book because what you’ll learn will help you in daily life as you interact with people.

Listen

My Quest for the Best is hosted by Bill Ringle. Bill’s motto is,”Don’t let your personal limits become the limits of your business growth.” The show has more than 400 weekly interviews featuring top published thought leaders discussing strategies, tactics, tools, and the stories that matter to ambitious leaders of small and mid-sized businesses. Bestselling thought leaders Bill has interviewed include Dan Pink (5x NYT bestselling author), Barbara Corcoran (ABC’s shark Tank), and Mark Sanborn (Fred Factor, and top leadership expert) among others. You’ll learn quite a bit about success from people who’ve experienced it in big ways!

Watch

How the Economic Machine Works is a Youtube video by Ray Dalio, a billionaire hedge fund manager and founder of Bridgewater Associates, the world’s largest hedge fund. In the past I’ve mentioned economist Thomas Sowell as a great resource for understanding how the economy works. If plowing through Sowell’s big book on economics isn’t your idea of fun then this 30-minute video might be just the thing to understand the money supply and it’s impact on everyday transactions. Dalio breaks down the economic machine by talking about productivity growth, the short term debt cycle, and the long term debt cycle. You may not be interested in economics but what happens in our economy impacts you as you’ve no doubt experienced with recent 40-year high inflation.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!