Once Upon a Time … A Pre-suasive Love Story

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The following is an excerpt from my book Persuasive Selling. Because it’s Valentine’s Day I thought it was appropriate to share it again. I hope it inspired you to set the stage romantically with someone you love.

Once Upon a Time…

In July 1986, I was a recent college graduate walking into the HR training room for The Travelers Insurance Company. First job, first day and I saw Jane Baily, a recent college grad also on her first day of work. My thought at that moment was, “Wow, she’s beautiful!”

Many years later she told me what she thought when she first laid eyes on me; “What an egghead. The Travelers really got a winner here.” Okay, I stumbled badly out of the gate but I recovered quickly. Within a few weeks I was no longer going out with my longtime girlfriend and I began dating Jane. We quickly fell in love and everything was awesome…until my old girlfriend called out of the blue later that fall.

That phone call threw me for a loop! I started wondering if I’d made the right choice. Did I want to give up all those years with my ex-girlfriend? But I loved Jane. I was torn and suddenly I was back and forth between these two women. Some people might think having two people want you would be a great “problem” to have but it was horrible because I had a conscience and didn’t want to hurt either person. In hindsight, that’s all I did as I went back and forth between the two for about six months.

Jane and I still worked together and one day I saw her in the break room and asked how she was doing. She told me she was fine and announced she was done with my indecision. She went on to tell me even if I asked her out again she’d say no because in her mind it was over. She wasn’t going to put up with my indecision any longer and who could blame her? That was a problem because I was beginning to think she was the one I wanted to be with. In fact, I was thinking I wanted to marry her.

If you had known me at that time you would have said, “Don’t do it. Don’t ask her to marry you. Just date a while and make sure that’s how you really feel.” If you had known Jane you probably would have encouraged her to run for the hills. At a minimum you might have suggested some proving period of dating, maybe six to nine months, to see if I had truly settled things in my heart.

I knew I was going to have to do something big if I was going to hear “Yes!” to a marriage proposal. Here’s what I did.

On Jane’s birthday, May 14, 1987, I sent her a dozen roses at work. Of course, she loved that and the attention she got from all the ladies in the office.

I told her I wanted to take her to dinner and she agreed. I showed up at her apartment with another dozen roses and a bottle of wine. At this point she was thinking, “This is turning out to be a pretty good birthday!”

When we went downstairs from her apartment to leave for the restaurant she saw the 1963 Silver Cloud Rolls Royce and chauffeur I’d hired to take us to dinner. Now it was beginning to feel like a fairy tale he drove us to downtown Columbus.

The restaurant I chose was atop one of the tallest buildings in the city. We rode a glass elevator up more than 30 floors, had a romantic dinner overlooking the city then rode the glass elevator back down.

In the back of the Rolls Royce, on our way back to her apartment I popped the question and she said “Yes!” As of the writing of this book, we’ve been married for 32 years.

I had no idea what the psychology of pre-suasion was at the time but I’d unknowingly engaged it (pun intended) in a big way. Imagine for a moment that I’d asked Jane to marry me at work in the break room:

Me – “Jane, I’m sorry for all the indecision. I love you and want to be with you. Will you marry me?”

Jane – “No!” or best case scenario “I think we can start by dating first and see where this goes.”

Fortunately, I “set the stage” romantically in a way that made “Yes!” far more likely. That’s exactly what pre-suasion is all about; creating conditions that will put someone in a frame of mind that makes it easier for them to say “Yes” when you make your ask. Pre-suasion led to success and happiness for me and I hope it does for you too.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

CEO Compensation is Taking a Hit

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Recently I read a Forbes article about CEO pay, Amazon Has Tough Choices – Closing Charity Programs, Cutting Staff, And Facing CEO Pay Pressure. The article mentioned Apple CEO Tim Cook taking a 40% pay cut in 2021 because of shareholder demands. Amazon may follow suit. Unfortunately, a good bit of charitable giving will be reduced too. Another article said the CEO of Goldman Sachs, David Solomon, took a 30% pay cut in 2022, but still made $25 million.

CEO Pay

Most people have no idea how much CEOs of publicly held companies make compared to the average worker. Would you be surprised if they made 50x more? How about 100x more? What if I told you it was 250x? None of those is correct so I hope you’re sitting otherwise you might fall over.

In 1980 a typical CEO made about 42x more than the average American worker. By 1990 that figure had grown to 109x. In 1993, the Fed mandated full disclosure of CEO compensation in an effort to help curb this alarming trend. Unfortunately, the plan backfired. Grab your armrests because, by 2005 the difference between the typical CEO and average American worker’s pay had ballooned to 525x! You read that right, the average CEO was making 525 times what the typical employee was making (source: AFL-CIO). In all fairness, it dipped to a mere 269x in 2010, but it’s back up to 399x as of year-end 2021.

What Happened?

Why did this boomerang effect happen? After all, some of the thinking behind the full disclosure of compensation was to let everyone see how much CEOs and other top executives were earning so stockholders could put the brakes on their incredible income growth. 

The Fed’s approach failed in part because of the principle of consensus, sometimes referred to as social proof. This principle of influence alerts us to the reality that we look to the actions of others when making decisions, and our desire to follow the lead of other people is heightened when we’re not 100% sure what we should be doing. 

Prior to the federal mandate about compensation disclosure, it was an educated guess as to what the market was paying other CEOs in a given industry. Once it became public knowledge something happened similar to what we see with star athletes. Salaries for athletes have skyrocketed because once an athlete knows what other top performers make, their sports agent begins to negotiate an even bigger deal for their athlete. It’s a “keep up with the Jones’” mentality and so it’s been with CEO compensation.

Don’t Worry

Don’t worry about Tim Cook, Amazon CEO Andy Jassy, Goldman’s David Solomon, or any other CEOs that take a pay hit. If they only make 200x or 300x what an average person makes they’ll make ends meet.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

Facts Without Context Are Often Manipulation

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I don’t watch the news as much as I used to and I’m happier and less stressed because of that decision. But every now and then I go against my better judgment and turn on the news before dinner, usually flipping between MSNBC, Fox, and CNN.

The Debt Ceiling Fight

Recently I saw Ari Melber, host of MSNBC’s The Beat with Ari Melber, talking about our national debt. He stated that former President Trump’s spending during his four years in office accounts for 25% of our current national debt. This was being discussed because of the debt ceiling fight going on between the republican controlled congress and the White House.

Melber had several guests on the show railing against Trump’s spending as if it were the only reason we’d hit the debt ceiling. What a terrible administration they were to run up the national debt by such a huge percentage! But wait a minute, what have other recent presidents done to our national debt because of their spending? 

Presidents Adding to the Debt

According to an article from The Balance, US Debt by President: Dollar and Percentage, here’s how our last five presidents have added to our total debt by the end of their time in office:

  • Donald Trump added $6.7 trillion over 4 years, 33% increase
  • Barack Obama added $8.6 trillion over 8 years, 74% increase
  • George W. Bush added $5.85 trillion over 8 years, 101% increase
  • Bill Clinton added $1.4 trillion over 8 years, 32% increase
  • George H.W. Bush, $1.55 trillion over 4 years, 54% increase

In case you’re wondering about Ronald Regan, he added 186%, but that’s a drop in the bucket compared to Woodrow Wilson’s 723% increase and FDR’s 1048% increase!

Of course, with every administration there’s always a reason for blowing out the spending – Covid, battling a recession and financial meltdown, Middle East war, etc. 

Is Biden Lowering the Debt?

When you hear the Biden administration is lowering the debt, don’t believe it. That’s not my opinion, that’s according to Politifact. The “rescue plan” and other spending initiatives continue to drive the deficit up. For the time being the debt may be rising at a slower rate but it’s still going up. Not knowing what excuses may come this year or next, it remains to be seen what the total and percentage will be by the end of Biden’s term on December 31, 2024.

Media Manipulation

While I’ve shared a lot of numbers and railed against out-of-control spending, my real issue is with our news. Every station is severely slanted to one side or another. MSNBC and CNN sound like apologists for the democrats whereas Fox continually defends republicans. Melber’s presentation of the debt fact may be true, but the context is designed to give an incorrect impression. In other words, it’s pure manipulation.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Let’s just be honest about our political system – Democrats and Republicans are two sides of the same coin and boy oh boy do they like spending those coins! In fact, it’s very apparent they like spending the coins they don’t have and that comes at the expense of every citizen.

In case anyone thinks I’m an apologist for Trump. I didn’t vote for the guy either time, but I didn’t vote for Hillary or Biden either. Voting for the same parties over and over and expecting something different is Einstein’s definition of insanity playing out in real time.

Paying Off the Debt

Let me close with a staggering fact. Our national debt now stands at $31.5 trillion dollars ($31,500,000,000,000). With 332 million citizens in the U.S. that means every person in the country would have to pay $95,000 to reduce the debt to zero. Or how about this, we start paying down the debt by $1 million a day. A million dollars is still a lot of money so how long do you think it will take us to pay it off? Believe it or not, 86,000 years!!!!

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

The Love, Bonding, and Unity Hormone

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Oxytocin is sometimes called the love or bonding hormone. That’s because it plays a prominent role in social bonding between individuals, in sexual reproduction, during childbirth, and the bonding period that occurs between mother and child soon after childbirth. Oxytocin also plays a role in unitizing otherwise unconnected people.

The principle of unity, as popularized by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., has to do with shared identity. The theory behind unity is this; it’s easier for us to say yes to those who are of us, those we share an identity with. It’s a powerful driver of influence because saying yes to those we’re bonded with is almost like saying yes to ourselves.

Family units

The deepest bond, form of unity, is family because we share the same genes with family members. Think about this; there are things we’ll do for family – even family members we don’t like very much – that we might not do for our closest friends. That’s because we are genetically wired to keep our family line going. Knowing this, it makes sense that we’d be most open to requests from people we’re genetically connected to.

Non-family units

What if you’re not related by marriage or blood? There are plenty of other examples where you may feel a deep connection with other people. A few that come to mind include:

  • Religious organizations. They usually have communal activities that foster a sense of oneness. That’s why many religious groups are referred to as “the body.” Coordinated movements (standing, kneeling, praying), singing together, and physical touch (hugs, laying on of hands) facilitate a sense of unity.  
  • The military. Bonding starts with the shared experiences in bootcamp. A “band of brothers” is formed where people will literally die for one another. Coordinated movements, such as marches, are often set to ritualistic chants or music, to create cohesive groups that think and act as one.
  • Cross fit. In this type of workout participants feel a sense of unity that goes beyond regular gyms. That’s so because people go through painful workouts together, encouraging and helping each other every step of the way. Overcoming pain creates bonds because you understand people at deep physical and emotional levels.

Not in an organized group?

What can you do if you’re not part of a religious organization, the military, cross fit, or some other organization? You still have opportunities to stimulate oxytocin production to produce unity. 

According to a Harvard Health article, exercise, music, and touch, are ways to release oxytocin. The article stated, “One study noted a jump in oxytocin levels measured in participants’ saliva after high-intensity martial arts training. Music also seems to have the ability to increase oxytocin levels, especially when people sing in a group, which adds the element of bonding. Just the simple act of touch seems to boost oxytocin release.”

Other ways to create unity 

Coordinated activities promote togetherness. Activities such as going on hikes, dancing, and running can promote unity when you do them with other people. There’s something about moving together in coordinated ways that make us feel in sync and connected.

Being together is another way to promote unity. Time gives opportunity to know people at a deeper level. This is one reason many people feel a deep connection to their high school friends. During high school a massive amount of change takes place with young people. While some people disliked their high school experience for a variety of reasons, many people feel connected to their teenage friends because going through the changes of those years together creates a bond.

Conclusion

Unity is not easily formed but once it is, or once it’s discovered, it’s one of the most powerful principles of influence. That’s because, as noted earlier, when you raise unity to the surface, the other person’s yes to you is almost as good as a yes to themselves.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

Cruising with Influence

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Quite a while ago, Jane and I went on a four-day, three-night, Royal Caribbean cruise. During the cruise we had a full day at sea which meant all the action was going to be poolside that day. Knowing that, we arrived at the pool extra early so we could grab a couple of lounge chairs poolside!

After a relaxing morning we decided to go play a bingo ticket because it was potentially worth $5000. The odds of winning were slim but scarcity – the fear of losing out on the chance for the big prize – motivated us to go to the bingo area.

A Sad Situation

We were only gone for about 30-45 minutes but when we got back to the pool, low and behold, people were laying on our chairs! I politely let them know they were sitting on our chairs, but they refused to move. I pointed out that the clothes, books, and other items they’d put at the foot of the chairs were ours and were obvious indicators the chairs were still being used.

Again, they refused to move so we called for a pool attendant. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t help us because he said we’d been gone more than 30 minutes. Suffice it to say, the exchange that took place over the loss of the poolside lounge chairs put a damper on the day.

Live and Learn 

The following year, after learning a thing or two about persuasion, we were able to avoid a repeat performance. On the same cruise line, we were facing the same situation; a day at sea and another early trip to the pool. 

As we enjoyed the morning a young couple took one of the last lounge chairs available, which happened to be next to us. While the wife leisurely stretched out and enjoyed the sun, her husband was relegated to sitting at the foot of the lounge chair as he read his book.

Tapping Into Consistency

When lunchtime rolled around, Jane and I decided to go to the schooner lounge to grab a bite to eat. Leary of coming back to lost chairs, I turned to the young couple and asked, “Would you mind watching our things because we want to grab some lunch?” As any nice couple would, they agreed.

By asking that question, I knew I’d tapped into consistency, the psychological pressure people feel when it comes to keeping their commitments. Once we’ve given our word, we feel good about ourselves when we keep it. How do you think that young couple would have felt if we’d come back to find strangers stretched out on our chairs? If they’re like most people they’d feel bad and nobody wants to feel that way.

Next Came Reciprocity

After they agreed to watch our chairs, I told the young man he was welcome to stretch out on one of our chairs while we were gone, which he was eager to do. Because I’d given him something reciprocity was now at play, the feeling of obligation to give back to someone who’s given to us. Having given him use of our chairs, I knew he’d be much more likely to make sure no one tried to take our spot.

I got a double whammy for my efforts by engaging consistency and reciprocity. What you’ll find is quite often it’s possible to bring multiple influence principles to bear in a situation and when you do so it significantly increases the odds of hearing someone say “Yes” when you make a request.

A Happy Ending

As you might expect, we enjoyed our lunch and returned to the pool later to find our lounge chairs waiting for us which made for a pleasant afternoon! 

I’m a firm believer that knowing how to ethically influence people is a critical skill for professional success and personal happiness. We certainly had a happy ending that day.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!



Will Machines Take Over? Maybe They Already Have!

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In my best Rod Sterling voice… 

“Imagine if you will, a future where humans have off loaded more than 95% of their daily tasks to machines. Using artificial intelligence they’ve taught machines to do most of the routine activities that are mundane and seem like time wasters. In many respects it’s a glorious era because humans now have more time to devote to the activities and people that are most important to them.

But wait, as they said in the movie Apollo 13, ‘Houston, we have a problem.’ The humans have forgotten how to program their machines! What seemed to be utopian ideas when AI was first developed are no longer the best courses of action but they cannot change course. And to make matters worse, the machines have taken the original learning and developed new programs that aren’t serving their masters well either! 

Suddenly people began to realize they weren’t devoting time to the things that really mattered. Compared to their ancestors humans had become lazy and self-indulgent but they couldn’t bring about the changes necessary to regain a sense of control and autonomy. They were trapped by their own doing! Welcome to the Twilight Zone.”

Is it Science Fiction?

Of course that’s just science fiction. Or maybe not. What if I told you we’re already living in a similar futuristic state? No, we’re not in the matrix but we’re in something close. You see, the machines are us…our brains and bodies! Ahhhh!

According to science, your subconscious processes about 11 million bits of information per second but your conscious mind only deals with 40 bits during that same second. In other words, you’ve off loaded more than 99% of your thinking to the machine we call your subconscious brain. 

This isn’t limited to your brain. Your body has a memory of sorts, a great reward system, that works in conjunction with your brain. Once you learn something through bodily senses your brain puts that learning on a tape that’s always running in the background. 

For example, if you ate a certain type of food and got sick, you don’t have to think about whether or not you like it because the sight, smell, or mention of it might involuntarily make you convulse. 

It’s Not All Bad

Before you get too worried, let me assure you, it’s not all bad. Your mind and body are actually working as designed most of the time. They’re intended to work together to help you make decisions to stay alive while conserving precious energy.

Energy is precious because you can’t take in enough calories to fuel your brain to consciously process every thought or decision you face on a daily basis. Consider how tired you feel after a long day at the office even though you may not have been physically active.

The Problem to Overcome

Most people know much more about navigating their smart tv (and many struggle with this!) than they do about how their brains and bodies work. At least your tv came with an owners manual. 

While you weren’t given an owners manual at birth for your mind and body, the good news is there have never been more resources available to learn from. 

If you want to construct the kind of life that gives you the best chance at success, happiness, and overall health, then you need to learn a little about the machine that’s been running your life. 

Unlike the Twilight Zone scenario I laid out, you can program and reprogram your machine…if you learn how. Below are a handful of resources I’ve learned from over the years. They helped me so I’m confident they can help you too.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

Quarterly Newsletter

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Happy New Year! I hope 2022 was a great year for you, professionally and personally. Coming out of the pandemic, I had a mix of online and in person speaking and training sessions throughout the year.

When it came to insurance companies, agencies, and associations, last year was fantastic! I worked with the Missouri Association of Insurance Agents, MMG Insurance, Columbia Insurance, Ohio Insurance Agents, Frost Insurance, Burkhart Insurance, Frankenmuth Insurance, and Indiana Farmers Insurance.

Outside of insurance clients included the National Glass Association, International Business Brokers Association, Tentac Enterprises, Canadian Wealth Strategies, and the Department of Defense.

Finally, I did a few online training sessions with marketing students at Vanderbilt and Miami University.

Here’s to hoping 2023 will be your best year ever and that each one going forward only gets better and better. You have a clean slate and new possibilities so I hope what I continue to share on a weekly basis adds to your professional success and personal happiness.

Sincerely,

Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

  •       Why – Help you achieve more professional success and enjoy more personal happiness.
  •       How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.
  •       What – Speak, write, train, coach, and consult.
  •       Who – Clients include leaders, salespeople, business coaches, insurance professionals, and more.

Here’s What’s New…

Speaking

Some upcoming speaking events include the Joe Vincent Seminar in Austin later this month. In May I will address Continental Insurance Agency Alliance (CIAA) members in Denver. Then in June I’ll be in Sheridan, Wyoming to talk with members of the Association of Wyoming Insurance Agents.

Writing

My next book, His Story, My Story, Our Story: The Journey of a Marine and His Son, is coming along nicely. I was going to go the self-publishing route but on the encouragement of my editor I’m going to see if I can find a traditional publishing house. The reason for the change in approach is that she (my editor) has been in a monthly book club for 30 years (that’s a lot of reading!) and thinks I have something really good.

As noted in a previous newsletter, the #1 goal is to make the book a resource for Marines and their families with the hope that reading it will lead to better relationships between Marines and their loved ones. However, beyond the Marines, I think anyone will enjoy the story, relate to the father-son relationship, and find the family dynamics interesting.

Want a sneak peak of His Story, My Story, Our Story?  CLICK HERE

Podcasts

More podcasts went online in the fourth quarter and more are in the hopper. If you enjoy podcasts, links to all 160 shows I’ve been on are cataloged on my website. Below are a few recent shows you might find interesting:

  • Ivan Farber invited me on his podcast after we were introduce by a mutual friend Patrick Galvin. Ivan and I spent nearly an hour diving into the principles of influence and their practical application in daily life. The goal of this conversation is to help you improve your communication skills so you can enjoy more success at the office and happiness at home. To listen to the conversation click here.
  • Scott Vanko met my wife several years ago at the airport because they were both wearing Steelers apparel. That chance encounter led to me being a guest on his podcast. Scott asked me to return to the show to discuss ideas from my book The Influencer and other life lessons. Click here to listen.

Best of…

More recommendations for you to read, listen to, and watch. We’re all different but I  encourage you to be open minded to anything new that will stretch your thinking and challenge your assumptions.

Read

What Your Employees Need And Can’t Tell You, is the latest book from my friend, author, and podcast host Melina Palmer. The book is geared towards managers and leaders, giving insights into human behavior and thinking. Melina dives into many of the biases and hueristics all human beings operate by to one degree or another. Using case studies, research, and engaging stories she teaches readers and gives practical application to avoid errors in human thinking. The goal is to help you harness the potential of your team in brain friendly ways. Even if you’re not in a formal leadership position, I encourage you to pick up the book because what you’ll learn will help you in daily life as you interact with people.

Listen

My Quest for the Best is hosted by Bill Ringle. Bill’s motto is,”Don’t let your personal limits become the limits of your business growth.” The show has more than 400 weekly interviews featuring top published thought leaders discussing strategies, tactics, tools, and the stories that matter to ambitious leaders of small and mid-sized businesses. Bestselling thought leaders Bill has interviewed include Dan Pink (5x NYT bestselling author), Barbara Corcoran (ABC’s shark Tank), and Mark Sanborn (Fred Factor, and top leadership expert) among others. You’ll learn quite a bit about success from people who’ve experienced it in big ways!

Watch

How the Economic Machine Works is a Youtube video by Ray Dalio, a billionaire hedge fund manager and founder of Bridgewater Associates, the world’s largest hedge fund. In the past I’ve mentioned economist Thomas Sowell as a great resource for understanding how the economy works. If plowing through Sowell’s big book on economics isn’t your idea of fun then this 30-minute video might be just the thing to understand the money supply and it’s impact on everyday transactions. Dalio breaks down the economic machine by talking about productivity growth, the short term debt cycle, and the long term debt cycle. You may not be interested in economics but what happens in our economy impacts you as you’ve no doubt experienced with recent 40-year high inflation.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

PAVE the Way for New Year’s Resolutions

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The following is a chapter from Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. This chapter is particularly appropriate just before New Year’s Eve. I hope it helps you get 2021 off to a great start.

PAVE the Way for New Year’s Resolutions

If you’re like many people, then you make New Year’s resolutions; and, if you’re like most people, you break your resolutions within a week or two. According to one study, more than half the people who make resolutions are confident of achieving them, yet only about 10% do so.

That’s unfortunate because most resolutions are good! Here are some of the most popular New Year’s resolutions:

  • Prioritize family
  • Lose weight
  • Begin exercising
  • Quit smoking
  • Reduce debt
  • Get organized
  • Stop drinking

The list is admirable so why are these goals so difficult to achieve for nine out of 10 people? There are as many reasons as there are resolu- tions and dwelling on those reasons would not be as beneficial as giv- ing you scientifically proven ideas that can help make next New Year’s different. I’ll share an influence technique that can help you PAVE the way to success in the New Year.

In the study of persuasion there’s a powerful motivator of behavior known as the principle of consistency. This proven rule tells us people feel internal and external psychological pressure to act in ways that are consistent with their prior actions, words, deeds, beliefs and val- ues. When we act in consistent ways we feel better about ourselves and other people perceive us in a more favorable light. Mahatma Gandhi put it this way, “Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.”

There are four simple things you can do with consistency to help you keep your resolutions. These easy to implement ideas will help you PAVE the way to success because they’ll dramatically increase the odds that you’ll follow through on your New Year’s resolutions – or any other personal changes you want to make.

Public – Whenever you make a public statement, whether verbally or in writing, you put yourself and your reputation on the line. The mere fact that another person knows your intentions and might ask you how you’re doing, often motivates you to follow through.

This came to light in a study with a group of students who wanted to improve their college grades. One group was asked to share their goal with some people. One group kept their goals in their heads and a third group made no specific goal whatsoever. As you might guess, the group with the publicly stated goals succeeded, with nearly 90% of students increasing their grades by a full letter grade! With the other two groups the results were identical and poor. In each group fewer than one in six students improved by a full letter grade. It’s worth noting, they were all given the same study materials so they all had the same opportunity to better their GPA.

Recommendation #1 – Publicize! Share your New Year’s reso- lution with another person, or group of people, and ask them to hold you accountable.

Active – You have to actively do something. Merely thinking about a resolution, just keeping it to yourself as some sort of secret, will lead to the same results as people who don’t make any resolutions. In other words, nothing will change. However, when you do a few things, you build momentum towards your goal. Each active step gets you closer to success.

Recommendation #2 – Make sure you have to take some active steps. It could be as simple as buying a book about the changes you hope to make or writing your goals down and posting on your mirror.

Voluntary – This has to be your goal, not someone else’s goal for you. If you’re trying to do something – quit smoking, lose weight, get in shape – it’s not likely your motivation will last if someone basically forced you to do it. The goal has to come from you because if it’s imposed it’s not likely your willpower will last long. Samuel Butler said it best when he wrote, “He who complies against his will is of the same opinion still.”

Recommendation #3 – Make sure it’s something you really want to do – of your own free choice.

Effort – It was already noted that you have to actively do something. In other words, making the commitment should require some effort on your part and the more effort you expend setting up your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. Something as simple as writing down your resolution in a journal can make a difference but don’t stop there. Share it with others to fulfill the public requirement, which gives you more bang for the buck!

Recommendation #4 – A little more effort, like committing pen to paper in a daily journal, will increase your chances for success significantly.

How can you Influence PEOPLE? Sometimes the person you need to influence is yourself! Try to PAVE the way to your success and enjoy the results. If you’ve failed at your resolutions, or other types of personal change, then why not give the PAVE approach a try?

  1. Public – Share your resolutions with others.
  2. Active – Take some active steps.
  3. Voluntary – Make it your goal and own it.
  4. Effort – Remember, more effort equals more commitment.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

Santa Claus — The Greatest Salesman Who Ever Lived

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Each year around Christmas I share a variation of this post. Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus — The Greatest Salesman Who Ever Lived

Why do I believe Santa is the ultimate salesman? To start, he has a couple of success stories most of us can’t compete with. First, he’s successfully run the same family business for hundreds of years. There’s something to be said for stability, especially over the long haul.

Second, Santa has a client base that expands every year — no matter the state of the global economy.

Can your business make those claims?

But those aren’t the reasons I believe Santa is the greatest salesman who ever lived. Contrary to what you might think, his success doesn’t come from his business savvy. After all, consider the obstacles he has to deal with.

  • Business attire: Santa obviously doesn’t buy into the “dress for success” philosophy. Power suits are fine but a red suit and hat, both lined with fur, is a little over the top in today’s casual business environment.
  • Delivery system: Santa’s remains way behind the times here. His “One Day Delivery” is literally that – you get your packages one day a year. He doesn’t seem to notice in today’s economy people want what they want, when they want it, and that usually means now. But the real problem behind “One Day Delivery” might just be his delivery method. I think you’d agree the U.S. Postal Service, FedEx, or UPS would be much more efficient than eight tiny reindeer pulling a small sleigh.
  • Manufacturing: Some say Santa’s operation is too labor-intensive to survive much longer. After all, he’s competing with Wal-Mart, Amazon, Apple, and other giant organizations. In today’s marketplace, how can any business can get by without automating? Perhaps if he automated a process or two he’d have enough inventory to open this store more than one day a year.
  • Efficiency: I realize Santa gives his product away for free but that doesn’t mean it costs him nothing. He has all those elves and reindeer to take care of. Food and lodging are bad enough but health care costs have to be crushing his profit margin! And, what about worker’s compensation costs? If he automated at least he’d save a little money and might be able to take Mrs. Claus on a nice vacation – somewhere warm for a change!
  • Branding: All companies change their branding to fit the times and Santa might want to consider doing the same. After all, “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!” has gotten a bit old and stale over the centuries.
  • Orders: I think Santa could fill orders much faster if only he’d set up a website. And how about replacing all those last minute letters with email, text, instant messaging, or a Twitter account? It has to be painfully slow for him to read all those handwritten letters.

So, all this begs the question, “Why is Santa so successful…in spite of himself?” In business if you continually land new customers and retain the old ones then you’re doing something right. Here are six reasons Santa continually attracts new customers and retains all his current ones:

  1. He loves his job! Perhaps, “Ho, Ho, Ho,” is his corporate culture and not just some slick branding slogan.
    – Could you do the same job day after day, year after year, for most of your life, and remain so upbeat and jolly?
  2. He genuinely cares for his customers. His goal is to meet everyone’s needs and all he hopes for in return is to see joy on their faces. He personifies what it means to be customer focused.
    – Do you get joy from serving your customers?
  3. He gets to the personal side of selling. Granted he’s not always accessible but he doesn’t expect clients to come to him. When he’s at his absolute busiest, with his deadline approaching and delivery date nearing, he can be seen everywhere talking with his customers. How he can be in so many places at one time I’ll never know.
    – How often do you initiate contact with your customers, even when it’s inconvenient for you?
  4. He creates an experience. A toy is just a toy, except when it’s from Santa. Because it only comes once a year and will be found under the tree on Christmas morning it creates anticipation and builds excitement! That’s so much better than getting something online or from some mail order catalog.
    – Do you create an experience for your customers?
  5. He adds value. When people hear the word “free” they often think “cheap” or wonder, “What’s the catch?” Even though Santa gives his products away we love what he gives us mostly because it comes from him. Don’t you have a few things you value above all others because of the person who gave it to you?
    – Do your customers see you adding value?
  6. He delivers on his promise. Santa does what he says and always delivers; no excuses, no extra charge, always on time!
    – Can your customer count on you to be that consistent?

So there you have it, six reasons behind the success of jolly old St. Nick. Did you notice that everything Santa does is within your power to do with your customers? That’s right, there’s no reason you can’t do the same things Santa does. And here’s some welcome news for most of you – you don’t have to wear a silly red uniform while you do those things!

I hope you enjoyed this post and that you and your loved ones have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

How to Have Difficult Conversations About Race

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Conversations about race are a high priority for most organizations these days. Outside of companies, they are a top priority for many individuals too. However, they can be some of the most challenging conversations. That’s because race relations are a sensitive topic as there’s always an element of fear, the fear of saying the wrong thing.

When it comes to understanding race, I’ve read White Fragility, How to be An Anti-Racist, and Caste: The Origins of our Discontents. Recently I came across the best resource I’ve found on this important topic. How To Have Difficult Conversations About Race is a new book from my good friend Kwame Christian, Founder and CEO of the American Negotiation Institute. 

Kwame is an attorney who specializes in negotiations. In fact, his podcast, Negotiate Anything, is the #1 negotiations podcast in the world right now. In addition to that, Kwame is a Forbes contributor, LinkedIn Learning instructor, Professor of Negotiation and Mediation Advocacy at The Ohio State University, and a Ted Talk presenter. Wow!

When Kwame hosted a Zoom event around race conversations just over a year ago, he thought he might have 100 or so people join him. Instead, he had a thousand participants! After his short presentation he stayed online for more than three hours answering questions.

As a teacher of influence, something I appreciate about Kwame’s book is that underlying any advice he shares is a wealth of research from the social sciences. He shows how biases affect all of us then gives practical tips on ways to reduce those biases so you can have productive conversations.

Because I know Kwame well, I can tell you that as I read the book I could hear him speaking. His authentic voice comes through in a friendly, non-threatening way.

Beyond race, the book gives a great framework for any difficult conversations you may encounter. 

Below is a sampling of what you can expect to learn when you read Kwame’s book. I’ve also included a few quotes that stood out to me.

The Problem

  • Why It’s Important to Talk About Race
    “We like to believe that things are either fair or unfair and that we can come to that conclusion objectively. However, whether we perceive something as fair is based on our unique perspective.”
  • Creating a Winning Mindset
    “I like to open with a question. For example, ‘We come from different backgrounds. What impact could that have on how we are seeing the situation?'”
  • Common Psychological Barriers
    “Implicit biases are preferences or prejudices that result from unconscious associations and feelings.”

The Solution

  • The Art of Strategy
    “I’m winning if I’m moving toward my ultimate goal and if we’re able to deepen our mutual understanding—if the conversation ends with me and my conversation partner knowing more than when we began.”
  • Mobilizing Compassionate Curiosity
    “The steps of the Compassionate Curiosity framework are simple: 1.​Acknowledge and validate emotions. 2.​Get curious with compassion. 3.​Use joint problem solving.”
  • Avoid Common Mistakes
    “Embrace that feeling of discomfort and wear it as a badge of honor; it is a signal that you are on the right track. Discomfort means you are growing, learning something new, and expanding your comfort zone.”

Taking Action

  • How to be an Advocate for Positive Change
    “To ally yourself with someone or something is to associate, join, or unite; to advocate is to speak or write in favor of, to support by argument, or to recommend publicly.”1 The term advocate is more appropriate for the purposes of this book because it focuses on taking action using persuasion and influence regardless of your racial identity.”
  • The Role of Difficult Conversations in Equity
    “People often struggle to see a problem if it’s not a problem for them. But the “irritant” of advocacy is the medication necessary to cure the greater ill of racism.”

If you believe as I do, that race is an important topic and you want to be part of the conversation, pick up a copy of How To Have Difficult Conversations About Race for yourself and/or your organization.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!