Influencers from Around the World – Hardwired Humans

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This month our
Influencers from Around the World guest post comes from Anthony McLean,
Australia’s one and only Cialdini Method
Certified Trainer (CMCT®). We owe Anthony special
thanks for taking time to share with us because his busy schedule last month included
a trip to the States to meet with Dr. Cialdini. I know you’ll enjoy what
Anthony has to share.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
Hardwired Humans
Why would
a Global Healthcare company like Philips undertake a change management program in
a zoo? The answer is they were following research revealed in Andrew O’Keefe’s book
Hardwired Humans.
In
Australia/New Zealand, Philips had undergone four change programs in as many
years preceding the unexpected global change program announced in 2009. Managing
director Harry van Dyk and HR director Jo Hilyard admitted the company was
suffering from “change fatigue” and a vastly different approach was required to
that used previously.
What
happened next was a little unexpected for many. Philips took 30 of its leaders
to Taronga Zoo in Sydney for a workshop that introduced them to the role basic
human instincts play in the workplace. The workshop looked at nine hardwired
instincts of humans and the leadership implications including the management of
change. In one part of the program the leaders were addressed by The Jane Goodall Institute and its chimpanzee program to demonstrate the social and
hierarchical structure off chimpanzees and the implications this has for modern
business. Unexpectedly for the participants they discovered the comparisons
between chimp and human social structures were numerous and provided a whole
new perspective on resolving workplace challenges.
One of
the key insights was that the conventional wisdom that claims people resist
change is wrong. We learned that humans, rather than being resistant to change,
are actually hardwired to avoid loss. Upon hearing about a change people
instantly screen their environment for the risk of loss. If we detect loss, we
resist the change. If we detect gain, we support the change. If we are unsure
about the impact of the change (and this is the big swinger), then we assume
loss. This means that for organizational change we often have people
unnecessarily erring toward loss and resistance, merely because people were
unable to make sense of the impact of the change for them at the moment they
first learned of it. (HR Monthly,
March 2011, p30)
The Persuasion Implications
The implications
for persuaders are clear. Through scarcity, we know that loss framing
is more persuasive than focusing on the benefits of a thing. The final part of
the above quote is very important because it highlights that under conditions in
which the risk cannot be assessed the subject will assume loss if they have no
other means to assess the risk.
You may
say great, scarcity is at play without you having to do anything to get people
to take action. In reality the targets of influence, under this assumed loss,
will employ coping mechanisms and strategies to protect themselves from that
loss rather than take healthy proactive workplace behaviours.
For example,
in a change management project if the targets of influence assume loss because
they have no other basis to assess the risk, they will then react against the
project, at times for no other reason than they associate loss (i.e., of
position, status, pay, etc.) with the project itself.
Anyone
who has managed a change project will tell you the reluctance at times seems
unnecessary and ill informed; now you understand that it is a hardwired
response to the subjects’ inability to assess risk, so they assume loss and
react accordingly.
Steps to Counter Perceived Loss
If we
know that people scan for loss in any situation before moving forward, it makes
sense to manage this situation and brief the relevant staff fully on managing
the default towards loss and reacting against the situation unnecessarily. By
providing this briefing it is more likely to trigger reciprocity because you as the
change agent have given them the information they require to assess the risk
for themselves. Potentially it may even increase liking if you are then
required to work together and you have already opened up the channel for
cooperation. The warning however is, that left unattended to the development of
a loss aversion mindset, this reaction may cause the audience to take a stand
and trigger consistency, towards the negative
and this could be all the momentum that is required to drive consensus in the wrong direction.
So ask
yourself these questions: 
1. What risk is involved in your project, service or request? 
2. Is it real or perceived?
If the targets
of influence are unable to assess the personal risk of loss for themselves
(i.e., the risk is not clear or able to be easily understood), they will most
likely assume loss and react against you and your project, service or request.
Brief the
targets of influence appropriately so they can adequately assess the
risk from an informed position and give yourself every chance of success
rather than having to start the influence process on the back foot. It may also
be prudent to lobby support from others who already understand the project and
during the briefing ask them to discuss the implications for their business area
and support for the change. This simple step uses consensus to show others are
already moving in the direction of the project not away from it and as we know
when we are unsure of what we should do we look to the behaviour of others like
us to guide our decisions.

Cheers!
Anthony McLean, CMCT® 


Sources: 
From A to
Zoo, HR Monthly March 2011 p28-30
O’Keefe,
A (2011) Hardwired Humans Roundtable
Press.

7 Personal Observations about Success

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This week (April 1), I crossed the half-century mark of life. It doesn’t seem possible because some memories from long ago – growing up, high school, college, dating Jane – are so vivid. And that includes being at my dad’s 50th birthday party! As I pause and reflect, I’m thankful and hopeful. I’m thankful for the life I’ve led and that I’ve made it this far. Many wonderful people don’t get this many years on earth. I’m hopeful for many more years and to be able to enjoy them in good health.

As this day has been approaching, I’ve looked back on my life and would like to share a few things I believe may help you be more successful in your life. I realize success can be defined many different ways so I’ll tell you mine. It’s based on the mission statement I wrote more than 25 years ago.

When my days on earth are finished and I stand in front of the Lord I hope He will say, “Well done.” Success for me will be defined by placing Him first, loving my family, making my work place better in a productive and personal sense and staying true to who I am. The following are things I believe have helped me live a life in which I can look back and say I’m happy, content and would not trade my life with anyone, for anything.

  1. Love God. I’ve had experiences in life that let me know in my deepest soul that there is a God. My love for Him and living as He would desire is far from perfect. But, I’ve come to realize He doesn’t love me any more when I succeed or any less because I make mistakes. That made more sense to me after Abigail came along. I would not love her more because she did certain things nor would I love her less if she did things I disagreed with. I love her, period. So it is with God and that frees me to be who I am, accept myself – the good, the bad and all that’s in between – and enjoy who I am.
  1. Place others ahead of yourself. When it comes to family, the more you can put them ahead of yourself the happier you will be. I don’t believe we do this in some sort of self-denial, “woe is me” way. You do this because when you truly love someone, you want the best for them. It brings me joy to be able to give to Jane and Abigail. When you see the giving as your reward, you realize your capacity to love is unlimited! We’re to love all people and that’s tougher because it doesn’t come as naturally but I do find more joy when I truly care for and give to others.
  1. Choose your thoughts. When it comes to family and others, what we choose to focus on makes a tremendous difference. There is good and bad in everyone and everything. The good new is, humans can choose where to place their thoughts. Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning, written about his experiences in surviving the Holocaust, drove this home for me. Recognizing this means I can choose not to focus on the bad and fix my thoughts on the good instead. The more I do this, the easier it is to like other people. When they sense I genuinely like them they begin to respond in kind and everyone is better off.
  1. Love what you do. I know it sounds clichéd, but it’s true. When you love what you do your reward comes daily. When I think back to my bodybuilding, marathon running and taekwondo days, one thing in common with each was that I loved training. The goals of a bodybuilding contest, running a marathon or a black belt test were just reasons to train harder. But I realize it was easy because I wasn’t training for the prize, I was training because I loved what I was doing and those goals helped me get even more out of something that already brought me so much satisfaction.
  1. A little bit over a long period. Steven Covey talked about the law of the land; that you can’t plant a crop and expect it to grow in a day. That natural process cannot be circumvented. So it is with most things in life in which we want to succeed. I learned early on with weightlifting that diligent effort over a long time paid dividends. I saw that with my studies in college and I see it today with my approach to Influence PEOPLE. Success rarely happens overnight. Muhammad Ali said as much; “The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses – behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.” If you love what you do it makes the process more bearable.
  1. Work hard. Nothing comes easy and loving what you do and doing it for a long time won’t cut it if you don’t give it your all. There’s simply no substitute for hard work. Going to the gym, dojo, hitting the road, or studying, all require real effort. I never aspired to be “the best” because I knew what my time and physical limitations were. Within the parameters I set, I aspired to be “the best I could be” and most of the time I felt accomplished that.
  1. Cut yourself some slack. There will come a day when our time is up. Don’t use up precious time and energy living in regret or beating yourself up for not being more than you are. You’re not perfect and never will be. If you happen to attain the highest heights and are considered “the best” at what you do it’s likely to be short lived. Just look at sports champions. The more you can accept yourself – short comings and all – the more you’ll be able to accept others and that leads to healthy relationships.

These are just a few thoughts on what I believe has helped me get where I am today. I’m happy and content. I realize many people cannot say either, let alone both. I hope what I’ve shared gives you pause for thought and perhaps helps you move closer to happiness and contentment.

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.




Cialdini “Influence” Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

 

Sometimes Less is More When it Comes to Persuasion

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I have some persuasive advice for you – Bite your lip and stay silent for a while. Normally when I talk about persuasion I offer up ways to proactively connect on the six principles of influence. But sometimes silence is golden because quite often less is more. Allow me to ask you a few questions to drive home why this is the case.

When will people appreciate your advice most?
When they ask for it.

When do people appreciate your “gifts” most?
When they want them.

So why do we keep offering advice and giving gifts to people before they ask?

There is a time and place for offering up help, sharing advice and giving gifts. Initiating on each of these engages the principle of reciprocity because quite often the other person will feel some obligation to give back to you. However, there are times when they’ll appreciate what you have to offer even more. That time is when they seek you out and ask for it. I’ve noticed this much more as of late at work and home.

Since my daughter Abigail was a toddler I’ve always made it a priority to spend time with her. For many years it was a father-daughter group through the YMCA known as Indian Princess. Next it was taekwondo for about five years. More recently it’s been time every weekend at coffee shops. I was the initiator with all of these.

When we stopped going to taekwondo it was a combination of her losing interesting plus being busy with high school and an after school job. A while ago she approached me about starting back up with taekwondo. Initially I said no because of my training-related travel, her work schedule and I just didn’t think she’d be dedicated enough to make it several times a week. More time passed and I still resisted which made her want it even more. That’s scarcity in action because the less available something is the more we tend to want it.

I finally relented and told her when summer rolls around and she’s on break and my travel lightens up that we’ll join taekwondo for the summer to see how it goes. Do you think she’ll be more into it and appreciate it more because she had to wait and pursue me on it? You bet!

Another example happened recently. Abigail shared a string of texts she had with a boy. I had some strong opinions about the “conversation” as I listened but I didn’t offer up any thoughts. I kept reminding myself she’s an adult (she turned 18 years old in December) and can handle herself. Finally she asked my opinion but I didn’t say anything so she asked again. She could see I was thinking and was curious. I knew at that point she’d value what I had to say far more than if I just offered up my opinion
unprompted.

I’ve also noticed the same phenomenon at work. Over the years I’ve established expertise in several areas but I try to hold back until someone wants what I have. This goes for my training, coaching and consulting. When someone seeks me out, they’ll value what I can offer much more.

Here are a few keys to help make this approach more effective.

1. Establish your expertise and trustworthiness. Both of these elements will add to your authority and make people rely on your wisdom even more. If you don’t have expertise, at least in business, there’s no real reason people will seek you out. On the flip side, if you’re not trustworthy then it won’t matter how smart you are. You need both!

2. Start by giving. Even if you have expertise people may be unaware of that fact. When you start by giving, you show what you’re capable of and engage reciprocity. Doing this helps establish a relationship which will make others feel more comfortable approaching you down the road.

3. Withhold a little bit. As noted earlier, people want more of what they can have less of. That’s scarcity. If you constantly offer up advice without being asked or make yourself available 24×7 then you’re missing the chance to leverage scarcity.

So next time you’re tempted to jump in with your two cents, bite your lip and remember, quite often, less is more. Give it a try and let me know what you notice about others’ response to you.

3 Reasons to Ask 1 More Question

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I’ve observed something in the last few years
that I think has helped me become a much more persuasive individual and I’d
like to share it with you. It’s something simple that you can do if you’re willing
to commit an extra 10 seconds every now and then when you’re communicating with
others.
Here it is – Ask one more question. That’s
all; just ask one more question. The interesting thing is people feel compelled
to answer questions so virtually everyone will answer you when you ask one more
question. What you want to do is ask the question in the same email or
conversation in which you provide help for someone.
Imagine a coworker has reached out to you for assistance.
They sent you an email because they needed some information or insight from
you. You share your expertise with them and then you add one more question at
the end of the email. That question might be something like one of the
following:
“Does that help?”
“Is that what you were looking for?”
“Is there anything else you need?”
Why is asking one more question so important?
I think there are three reasons.
First, you’re confirming what you’ve provided
is what they needed. There’s no miscommunication because they’ll reply to tell
you it’s exactly what they were looking for or they’ll clarify and ask you more
questions. Either way miscommunication is avoided.
Second, your follow up question reinforces
what you’ve done for the other person. This engages the principle of reciprocity. Should you ever need
help in the future they’ll be very likely to return the favor because this
principle of influence tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who
first give to them. If you don’t do a quick follow up the other person might
get what they need and simply move on without acknowledging what you’ve done
for them. While it may seem rude to not acknowledge the help, many people don’t
just want one more email. But, when you ask one more question is almost
guaranteed they’ll reply.
Third, and most importantly, when you ask one more question to make sure they got what they needed people seem to answer much more
positively. What I’ve noticed is the response I get is much different than a
simple “Thanks!” Here are a few responses I’ve received over the past month:
“That is outstanding – thank you – you’re the
best!”
“OMG yes thank you so much! I really
appreciate you!”
“Yes, that makes sense to me. Thank you for
reviewing.”
“Thanks. All good stuff!”
I think you can see each response was much
better than a simple, “Thank you.” Everyone wins. Each person I helped was very
thankful. They felt better about me, which engaged liking, and my authority was enhanced in their
eyes. I also benefitted because, as noted above, reciprocity was engaged. If I
need help down the road don’t you think each of these people would happily step
up to the plate? I know they would.
My persuasion advice for you is this – ask one
more question this week. Whether by email or phone, after you’ve responded to
someone’s request for help ask, “Did that help?” or “Does that give you
everything you need?” I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the responses you
get. Over time you’ll find it translates into becoming a more persuasive
individual.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 
 
Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

 

5 Cues to Consider When Trying to Influence Someone’s Habits

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I recently watched a very interesting interview with Charles Duhigg, the author of The Power of Habit. I read the book
several years ago and was fascinated by the subject matter and scientific
research Duhigg shared throughout the book. Watching his interview renewed my
interest in the subject and started me thinking about how habits and influence
intersect.
I’ve personally seen how forming good habits
can be extremely beneficial. As a teenager I got in the habit of working out
because I wanted to get in shape for football. The habit of weightlifting
stayed with me because I enjoyed it and I eventually I added running to my
fitness mix. For decades my days have consisted of getting up very early to
read, then workout or run. For me that morning habit is as regular as eating
breakfast or showering before work. Duhigg would call this a “keystone” habit
because it positively affects other things I do. For example; in addition to
being a little smarter and more fit, by the time I get to work I feel ready to
tackle just about anything because of my morning routine.
The great thing about habits is they remove the
burden of thinking. That frees us up to devote energy to other items competing
for our attention. If you pause for a moment to consider your habits you’ll
probably realize almost all of them occur with little or no thought. When
habits are good that’s wonderful. However, when habits are poor it can be tough
to change them.
As a persuader it’s important that you
understand this because quite often you’re not looking to persuade someone into
a one-time behavioral change. After all, you don’t want to have to persuade
your child every day to do their homework do you? If you’re the boss at work
you don’t want to have the same conversation over and over to influence an
employee to show up on time, do you? Wouldn’t it be great if those behavioral changes
took hold and were lasting? It’s my goal to help you learn how to Influence
PEOPLE into lasting change.
Let’s look at the example of trying to
persuade an employee to show up to work on time. You could use every principle of
influence in this effort.

Liking – Appeal to the
relationship you have with them and ask them to do a personal favor for you and
start showing up on time.
Reciprocity – Leverage something
you’ve done for the person in the past by referencing it and asking for their help
in return.
Consensus – Let them know
everyone else makes it to work on time so there’s no reason they shouldn’t also.
Authority – While not always
advisable, you can reference you’re the boss and this is the expectation.
However, beware that playing on your positional authority can cause resentment
and that usually doesn’t lead to lasting change.
Consistency – After having some
conversation about why they’re late so often ask them if they’ll commit to
start showing up on time rather than telling them that’s what they need to do.
Scarcity – There is probably a
downside to continually showing up late – no bonus opportunity, no raise,
possibly losing their job – so appealing to this potential loss is certainly an
option.

In The
Power of Habit, Duhigg shares scientific research that every habit has
three parts: a cue, the routine and a reward. The cue is the trigger that
starts the routine and it’s almost always one of five things:
  1. A certain location (some people only smoke in bars)
  2. Time of day (morning prompts many to exercise)
  3. An emotional state (loneliness causes some to drink)
  4. Other people (someone who pushes your buttons)
  5. An action that immediately precedes the routine (this could be a
    song triggering memories).

The reward can be many things – pleasure, pain
avoidance, feeling better about one’s self, feeling a sense of control, etc.
Remember, we all get something out of our habits, even those that appear
self-destructive.

In some cases your attempts to change
someone’s behavior can be very difficult because old habits die hard. In fact, Duhigg
suggests, based on research, that you never really get rid of old habits, you
only replace or change them. This is why so many smokers gain weight when they
try to quit because they replace their smoking routine with eating when their
cues trigger them.
In the case of the late employee, you know
it’s possible for them to get to work on time because the vast majority of
people do it every day, even those who might have more hectic and stressful
home lives than your chronically late employee. So what are you to do?
You can help them identify the triggers that
tend to make them late. For some people time is like money – they’ll use up every
last penny or every last minute no matter how much extra time or money they may
have. So getting up a little earlier may not be the solution.
Help the person establish a new cue that will
allow them to get to work with at least 10 minutes to spare. That could be
another alarm clock going off, the coffee maker brewing a cup of coffee for
their drive in or something else that alerts the person it’s time to stop everything and head to the car.
If it’s a spouse or kids that are part of the
problem then the person needs to let them suffer their own consequences for
getting up late, not coming to breakfast on time or whatever else it might be.
That won’t be easy but if they don’t do that they’ll forever be a slave to
other people’s behavior and they, not the others, will pay the cost.
The principles of influence can certainly come
into play when you have this conversation with the employee. The conversation
turns from “You need to get to work on time” to “How can I help you figure out
what you need to do in order to get to work on time?” The more principles you
use in that conversation the more success you’re likely to have.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.




Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

 

Don’t Ask, Don’t Sell

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One of the biggest reasons salespeople fail to make the sale is simply because they don’t ask for it. It’s easy to tell someone all about your company, product or service. After all, a good salesperson will know about these things backwards and forwards. However, asking for the sale (a.k.a. “closing the sale”) can be scary because of the fear of rejection.

Some of the biggest regrets people have are not when they stepped out and failed but when they failed to step out. When we don’t take a chance we’re often haunted by what might have been and ask ourselves, “What if…?”

Studies show people who ask for favors often underestimate the number of people who would be willing to help. In fact, they underestimate it by a lot! In one study, when asked how may strangers they’d have to ask to walk them a few blocks to a location they’ve been unable to find on a college campus, most people assumed they’d have to ask seven or more strangers before one person would take the time necessary to help. However, when they actually asked for help, the number of people they had to approach was only two or three before they got the help they needed. If you knew people would most likely respond positively to you twice as often as you thought they would, you’d probably have a lot more confidence to ask.

Having been a consumer all my life and teaching sales for the past 20 years, I can tell you most salespeople fail to ask for the sale. They might fear being seen as too pushy or believe the prospective customer can sort out all the product features, weigh the benefits against the cost, and make a decision that’s in their best interest.

But here’s the problem – as consumers, when we’re making purchases sometimes we’re overwhelmed by all the choices and price points. And the more money we’re about to spend the scarier it can be because we want to make sure we make the best choice. We want to avoid “buyer’s remorse.” A salesperson can alleviate much of that anxiety throughout the sales process but in the end the salesperson still needs to ask for the sale.

One way to lessen the fear and increase the odds of hearing “Yes” is to learn up front exactly what the customer is looking for. If the salesperson can meet the customer’s requirements, then simply asking the following should work: “If we can get you A, B and C at a fair price, would you seriously consider buying from us?” Most people will agree to that; then it’s up to the salesperson to show their product or service has all the required features. This is known as “the up-front close” in sales circles.

The reason this approach can be so effective is because the principle of consistency comes into play. This principle of influence tells us people generally live up to their word because they feel a little bad about themselves when they don’t. If someone says they’ll strongly consider you, your company or your product/service, then odds are they will if you can deliver what you said you would.

Once the salesperson has asked the right questions up front and then clearly shows how their offering meets the requirements it becomes much easier and more comfortable to take the next step and ask for the sale. It’s like dating. Wasn’t it easier to ask for a date when you knew beforehand the other person was interested in you?

Here’s my persuasion advice. You don’t have to live with the regret of what might have been. Remember, people are more likely to say “Yes” than you probably think. If you use the up-front close the odds that a customer will say “Yes” are significantly better. So remember – Don’t ask, don’t sell.

The Ticket is How Much?

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(updated 8/26/21)

I’m sure to spice up your home you have pictures scattered throughout different rooms. We usually display pictures that speak to us or make us feel good in some way. Those who are into art are very aware that the frame a picture sits in can make a huge difference. The right frame can really help a picture come to life.

Framing doesn’t just apply to your favorite pictures. In psychology, framing has to do with the context that surrounds an issue or idea. In the same way the right frame can make a picture stand out, proper framing of your ideas can make them stand out and that’s important when you’re trying to persuade others.

Not only is framing important, so is reframing. You see, sometimes we need to reframe issues that are presented to us to have the best opportunity to make the right decision. Allow me to explain.

Not long ago I went to an event with my boss and good friend John. As we chatted, he told me that he was invited to a play his niece was going to appear in. The relative who invited him said tickets were only $12 and could be purchased online. John went online to purchase his ticket and was confronted with additional fees that increased the ticket price from $12 to $21. He couldn’t get beyond the fact that just because he was buying it online the cost was 75% more than if he went to the theater and bought the ticket in person. Of course, there would be some risk buying the ticket at the theater because the show could be sold out and he would have wasted time and gas money. Nonetheless, he was adamant that he wouldn’t pay an extra $9 (75%) for the ticket.

As we discussed this, I finally asked him, “If you were told the ticket was $21 would you have bought it?” He said he would because he wanted to see his niece but was just having a hard time with how much the extra fees came to. I suggested he just reframe the whole scenario and look at the price as $21, not $12 plus an additional $9.

It’s natural for us to make comparisons like John was doing because seldom do we operate in a vacuum. It’s also natural to rail against the comparison when it’s so large. As I’ve shared before – There’s nothing high or low but comparing makes it so.

Think about this – If I offered you $800,000 would you be willing to accept it? I bet you would, and I bet you’d be incredibly happy. However, if I give you $2.1 million and you only got to keep $800,000 because of taxes, you might not feel the same as getting $800,000 with no strings attached.

In both cases, at the end of the day you’d have $800,000 but in one scenario you’ll have a hard time enjoying your new wealth to the same degree because you’re thinking, “But it was originally $2.1 million.”

We face these situations all the time. I travel a lot and spend a good bit of time in airports. Most airlines now charge $25 per bag each way, which means most people pay an extra $50 on top of the ticket price. People detest that because it raises to the surface the pain of paying. Airlines might be wise to either incorporate a smaller fee for all passengers or allow you to pay for bags at the time you purchase your ticket. That way you don’t feel the pain of paying when you get to the ticket counter and the extra fee is an afterthought.

On the flip side, if you want people to feel the pain of paying to bring about change then you might want to separate the fees so they can clearly see them. An example would be gasoline taxes. Did you know in 2012 the average fuel tax for Americans was 49.5 cents per gallon, for state and national taxes? Sometimes there’s a sign at the pump mentioning the additional taxes but people just pay attention to the price per gallon. If gas were $3.19 per gallon in your area it would be under $2.70 per gallon without the tax. If you really want to highlight the issue of taxation, tell them they’re paying $2.70 a gallon, but let them see the meter add on 49.5 cents for every gallon; this just might just catch their attention. After all, most stores advertise pre-tax prices.

How you frame your presentation depends on what you want to accomplish. By the same token you have the power to reframe anything and sometimes doing so will allow you to feel better about the situation you find yourself in. For John it would be acknowledging the fact he would gladly pay $21 or more to see his niece perform instead of focusing on the $9 fee that increased his ticket price by 75%. In the end he’ll enjoy the play a little more and his niece will be happy that her uncle came to see her perform.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

 

I’m Sorry Dr. Mehrabian

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I owe Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D., an apology. I suspect a lot of other people do as well.

Dr. Mehrabian is a Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). He garnered widespread attention for his research in the area of non-verbal communication in the 1960s. If you’re in business then it’s very likely you’ve been exposed to his work. Here’s what you might have heard or read:

In face-to-face communication only 7% of your message is based on what you say. Your tone of voice accounts for 38% and your body language is 55%. On the phone it’s 13% words and 87% tone of voice.

This prompted many people – me included – to place too much importance on tone of voice and body language during communication training. It’s not bad to work on those areas to make your communication more effective. The problem is that it has us putting too much emphasis on tone and body language.

It’s amazing how a story told from a speaker platform, mentioned in a book or noted on a blog is simply taken as gospel. After all, that well-respected speaker, author or blogger wouldn’t make such a glaring mistake … would he or she? I certainly did.

I’ve come to understand nearly everyone of us has misinterpreted and misapplied Dr. Mehrabian’s work. This came to light a few weeks ago when I wrote about The Importance of Congruent Messages When Persuading. At that time I also saw a social media post from a friend that prompted me to read more about Dr. Mehrabian and his work. Here’s what I found.

Dr. Mehrabian’s work very specifically had to do with communicating feelings and attitudes. If subjects felt there was inconsistency between a person’s words and tone or body language then they took more of their cues from the tone and body language.

An example would be an apology. Two people can use the very same words and one person might be whole-heartedly believed while the other might not. It’s easy to utter the words but if the apology is not sincere it’s very likely the tone of voice, facial expressions or other body language might convey a different message. You can probably think of a time where someone said the right words but you knew they didn’t mean it because of other cues you picked up on.

On the other hand, if you go to a presentation about home ownership you’re probably not assessing – consciously or unconsciously – the believability of the message based on the speaker’s tone of voice or body language. If you contend with anything it will most likely be the facts (words) he or she uses during the presentation. There’s little in the way of attitude or feelings to be assessed in such a fact-based presentation.

So now what? By all means, don’t discount tone or body language when communicating because both can enhance your presentation tremendously. As I’ve worked on voice inflection and body language over the years I know my presentation skills have improved significantly. But don’t forget, content is king in most presentations. You don’t want to leave a meeting and have people remember what you wore but not what you said. After all, the reason for a meeting or presentation is to convey ideas so everything you do should enhance the message.

Let me conclude by saying I’m sorry, Dr. Mehrabian, I really am. I’ve learned a good lesson and hope you can forgive me. If you could hear me and see me I’m sure you could tell my tone of voice and body language are in line with my apology. My 7%-38%-55% messaging is congruent.

Influencers from Around the World – Three Keys to Consider when Negotiating with the Chinese

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Marco Germani has been guest writing for
Influence PEOPLE for four years. He’s written his own book on persuasion and
applies the principles of influence daily as he travels the world selling wine.
I encourage you to reach out to Marco on Facebook
and LinkedIn.
Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
Chief Influence Officer
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.
 
Three
Keys to Consider when Negotiating with the Chinese
A few years ago I attended an influence workshop
put on by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., where the last part of the seminar was
dedicated to applying the principles of persuasion to different cultures around
the world. My understanding was the principles were immutable and universally
accepted all over the planet but in fact Dr. Cialdini explained that in
different cultures some principles are much more effective than others.

 

As an export manager in the wine business,
spending over 70% of my time traveling around the world and making deals, I
started to pay attention to this aspect and I realized that Dr. Cialdini was
absolutely right! What works in Italy is sometimes less effective in Germany or
in South Korea, and the best way to carry out negotiations in the United States
could be totally ineffective in Japan.
 In this week’s post I would like to focus on
China, a country which I’ve had the chance to visit many times over the past
seven years and which can be considered one of a kind in many aspects,
including the way Chinese negotiate and persuade. This subject could be very
vast but I would like to point out three main differences in the Chinese way of
negotiating because this understanding can make a big difference if you ever
find yourself doing business in China.
1. The
concept of “face” (Mian Zi)
“Losing face” is considered one of the worst
things that can happen to a Chinese person. Being diminished or worse, ridiculed,
in front of others, is the ultimate humiliation in China and this must always
be taken into account when negotiating. If yielding to your conditions could
even remotely generate the feeling that your counterpart was wrong, proposed
something inconsistent, or that makes him clearly “lose the game” when
negotiating, the deal simply will not happen. This extension of the principle
of social proof is a very sensitive subject in Asia and Chinese people in
particular seem to care about it even more.
A Chinese boss would never criticize or
admonish a subordinate in front of others, as this would cause him to lose
face. When bargaining in a street market a Chinese vendor would prefer to lose
the sale rather than accept your first price.
Taking this into account means always giving a
way out to your counterpart in order to help him “save face.” It is surprising
how many Westerns ignore this point and have trouble negotiating with the Chinese.
If the negotiation is seen as a battle, in which a party wins and the other
loses, in China the two parties are almost always bound to lose simultaneously.
The “win-win” concept introduced by the late Stephen Covey in his best seller The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is
more relevant in China than elsewhere. It can be the deal maker or deal breaker,
whether in a business or personal negotiation with a Chinese individual.
2. The
concept of relationship (Guan-xi)
Business IS all about relationships and
everybody knows it. In the newest edition of The Pyramid of Sale by Brian Tracy and other renowned sales
trainers contend that the pyramid base is building relationships and trust with
the customers, whereas in the past it was the presentation of the product.
In China this concept goes even further. The
nearly untranslatable word  “guan-xi”
literally means “network of relationships” but it has a deeper meaning,
including how well you are perceived by influential people in your network and
how you are able to help your business counterparts network with the influential
people you know.
When starting to negotiate with a Chinese
person, the fact that you have common friends, or the fact that you have relationships
with relevant people who might turn out to be useful to your counterpart, can
give you a huge advantage. I consider this an extension of the principle of liking
even though it has a deeper and subtler meaning.
The skilled negotiator, when entering into a
discussion with a Chinese person, will take care to inform the other of the influential
people he knows or has business relationships with, letting the other
understand that, if the deal between the two of them is made, this influential
network will be put at his disposal as a natural consequence of starting a
partnership.  The problem with this
attitude, which is widely used by Chinese people when negotiating with
Westerns, is this; the information shared is seldom accurate and often purely
instrumental to get a vantage point in the discussion.
Let’s pretend I am trying to sell wine to a
dealer in China. He might state that, if I accept his conditions and start a
partnership with him, that he would introduce me to his best friend, the buyer
of the largest Chinese retail chain, whom, thanks to his introduction, will
seriously consider doing business with me as well. This is obviously just a negotiation
technique, which appeals to the greediness of Western business people and in
part to their ingenuity.
3. The
concept of circular thinking
The last crucial information to know about
when negotiating with the Chinese is the difference between the Western
“linear” thinking and Eastern “circular” thinking.  A few years ago I was involved in a long
negotiation with a Chinese buyer of frozen pizza, produced by an Italian
factory and to be distributed in several regions of China. This was going to generate
a considerable amount of business for the seller. The negotiation went on for
weeks and it seemed like we never reach an agreement. Every time there was a
new issue popping out: exclusivity, special recipe for the Chinese market,
color of the label on the package, selling price, payment terms, etc. In the
end, and after several meetings with the owner of the company in China, a
contract was finally written and it seemed to suit both partners. We celebrated
together in one of those infamous Chinese banquets for more than five hours
with alcohol flowing freely.
A couple of days later, when the Italian CEO
had already left China, I was incredulous when the Chinese buyer called me and
he said he would like to meet me to again discuss several points of the
contract. It seemed like all of the past efforts were useless and we were back
to point zero. This was because I did not understand at the time the concept of
“circular thinking.” For Western businessman reviewing an already signed contract
means there’s something wrong with it which needs to be changed but for a Chinese
businessman this might only mean they really would like to review the points
and have them restated, not necessarily that they don’t agree with them or they
want to change them. It is part of their culture and the process makes them
feel safer and reassured. This must always be taken into account when
negotiating with the Chinese. Reviewing over and over already established points
is not a bad sign or a waste of time, it is just part of the natural process of
negotiation in China!
As said, the subject is much wider than this
and I have treated it extensively in my eBook Business con la Cina (Bruno Editore – 2010, only available in
Italian at the moment but maybe one day I’ll have it translated into English).
For those who speak Italian, you can find it here www.autostima.net.

Marco










 

Cialdini “Influence”
Series! Would you like to learn more about
influence from the experts? Check out the Cialdini “Influence” Series featuring Cialdini
Method Certified Trainers from around the world.

The Cialdini “Influence” Series is Coming Soon!

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Are you interested in learning more about the
science of influence directly from the experts? You’re in luck! Beginning
February 13, a seven-part online series begins where you’ll hear from individuals
who’ve been personally trained by Robert
Cialdini, Ph.D.
Dr. Cialdini is recognized as the world’s
leading expert on influence and persuasion. His book Influence Science and Practice is on its fifth edition, has sold
more the two million copies, and has been translated into 26 languages. If that
isn’t enough, Influence was also
named “the top sales and marketing” book in The
100 Best Business Books of All Time.
There are only 20 Cialdini Method Certified
Trainers® in the world today and you’ll get to hear from seven of them for 30 minutes each in this online series. Here’s your schedule of trainers and topics:
February
13 –
Anthony McLean, a guest blogger for Influence PEOPLE, will cover The Foundation
– What Is The “Influence Difference” And How To Prepare For Persuasion.
March 6 – Dan Norris, the
trainer who led me through my first workshop, will discuss The Principle Of
Reciprocity – How We Can Use This Most Effectively.
March 27 – Brian Ahearn. I
will introduce you to The Principle Of Scarcity – The Hidden Aspects That Can
Help…Or Hurt Our Messages.
April 17 – Hoh Kim, also a
guest blogger for Influence PEOPLE, will talk about The Principle Of Authority
– How To Use It When You Might Not Think You Can.
May 8 – Steve Martin,
co-author of Yes 50 Scientifically Proven
Ways to be Persuasive, will share thoughts on The Principle Of Consistency
– It’s Right In Front Of You…If You Know How To Use It.
May 29 – Debbie Hixson will
talk about The Principle Of Liking – Helping A Decision-Maker To Like You…It’s
Just Half Of The Equation.
June 29 – Matt Barney
concludes the series with The Principle of Consensus – People Proof…Using The
Power of Many.

There’s no better place to learn about the
psychology of persuasion than from the influence experts. I know many of the
trainers and can say with certainty; you’ll learn a lot about the influence
process and leave with ideas you can implement immediately. Interested? Sign up today!
Brian Ahearn, CMCT® 
Chief Influence Officer

influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.