Franzese or Frazetta: Do Names Really Matter?

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I had a post all ready to go for this week but then I got really inspired by a friend, Michael Franzese. If that name sounds familiar it’s because you might have seen his drawing and recall that I mentioned him in my post three weeks ago titled, “Is Persuasion Manipulation?” He drew the picture of one man manipulating, wrestling the other to the ground.

Michael and I went to high school together but I feel like I know him much better now because of Facebook and his blog. He starting writing a blog called Franzeseinklings with the goal of 100 barbarian drawings and posts in 100 days. During my bodybuilding days in the ‘80s I was into Conan the Barbarian because of Arnold Schwarzenegger but other than that didn’t have much interest in those guys. But, after seeing Michael’s work and reading his posts I became a fan. You have to check him out because the artwork is very cool and I get a kick out of reading his posts each day. As you might guess, all of this week’s artwork is Michael’s doing.

So what’s Franzeseinklings have to do with influence? In his September 8 post, Michael mentioned his favorite illustrator, “the great Frank Frazetta.” He wrote about getting to meet the man he considered a hero. Take another look at that name — Frazetta. Looks a lot like Franzese doesn’t it? Could that be some of the attraction for Franzese to Frazetta’s artwork?

I shot an email over to Michael with an article from the Inside Influence Report that detailed the phenomenon of names then called him to talk about this post. He said the more he thought about it and how his mind worked the more he thought it was probably true. He said another of his favorite artists is Michelangelo. Michael likes Michelangelo…hmm, see a trend here?

I can’t take credit for anything other than being alert when it comes to this name thing. If you pick up a copy of Yes! 50 Scientifically Prove Ways to Be Persuasive, you can read about all this name stuff in chapters 29 and 30. Here’s the basic gist — we tend to like people with names that look or sound similar to our own. The psychological term for that is “implicit egotism.” After all, how could someone with your name be some kind of jerk?
Can you think of a time when you met someone with your same name where you instantly liked them? I sure can! We might joke about it being due to the name but it’s no joke because there are statistics to back up that claim.
Here’s another thing worth mentioning, not only do we like them; it makes us more compliant when they ask us to do things. So your name is Carlos and the salesman is Karl, what difference does that really make? Statistically Carlos will probably buy more from Karl than he would from Pete or Bill or someone else with a name that’s not similar because he feels a connection when implicit egotism is at work.
This is more than just names and people; it extends to things like where you live, the company you work for and the career you choose. Statistically Dennis is more likely to become a dentist than Jerry or Walter. If you doubt that pick up Yes! 50 Scientifically Prove Ways to Be Persuasive, turn to page 128 and read about the study for yourself. I’m not saying everyone named Dennis is destined to be a dentist anymore than Lawrence will become a lawyer or Mary will live in Marysville but they have a higher likelihood of that happening than people with names wholly unrelated to those professions or places.
Believe me, when Jane and I were looking for new countertops, it didn’t escape my notice that the salesman’s name was Dan Mason. I kid you not; Dan Mason worked as a salesman for a company that sold marble countertops. Oh gee, what a coincidence!
One more story to illustrate the point; Scott, the guy who gives my wife golf lessons (great instructor, you should see her game!) worked at a driving range alongside his ex-wife Pia. Not many people could work with their former spouse but Scott and Pia got along great. In fact, they’d both tell you they get along better as friends than they did as spouses. As I got to know Scott I noticed he drove a Kia. Do you see where I’m going with this? I told him about the name study and said, “I see you drive a Kia and your ex-wife’s name is Pia. I think there’s still something there.” He insisted there wasn’t and a week later the Kia was gone and Scott was driving a Hyundai. Point made!
Most people will insist there’s nothing to this but that’s because this is all going on in the subconscious. The statistics don’t lie and neither did your grade school teacher so I’ll end with a song many of you probably sang as youngsters. It’s about two friends with the same name.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,

His name is my name too.
Whenever we go out,

The people always shout,
There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah
One last thing, give Franzeseinklings a look and follow.
Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

What’s Your Worldview?

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I’ve been thinking about my “worldview” lately, so I’ll pose this question to you, “What’s your worldview?” When I think of the term “worldview,” I think about how people try to make sense of what they observe others doing. I’m a pretty religious person and I have a worldview that first and foremost centers around my Christian faith. My faith colors perception of the here and now as well as the afterlife. But I also view things through another lens – influence.

Let me explain a bit further. I’m curious about why people do the things they do. I’m also interested in getting people to go along with my ideas and suggestions. Just like you, I want to hear people say “Yes” when I ask them to do something. That person could be my wife, my daughter, a coworker, vendor or the checkout person at the store.

I was working with someone today and we covered material on influence. I told this person about the science behind influence. I didn’t want her to think it was just grandma’s good advice (not that grandma’s advice was bad; she seems to have been right most of the time!) because it was grounded in real life scientific studies. Those studies don’t give me the ability to predict what you or any other person will do in particular situations because we are complex beings with a lifetime of experiences that shape us and our behaviors. But I can say with certainty that I communicate with confidence and take certain actions because I know my influence approaches will make me more successful on the whole.

There’s more than 60 years of social science to back up my last statement. If you pick up Influence Science and Practice, Yes: 50 Ways Proven Ways to be Persuasive, Maximum Influence or any number of other books on influence and persuasion you’ll see the studies. For example, one restaurant owner saw no shows dropped from 30% to 10% because of two simple words. In another study nearly twice as many people completed a survey because of something they were asked immediately prior to the survey request. Or how about the person who saw a 610% increase in sales because he instructed his salespeople to include some truthful, relevant information!

I can’t tell you how many people will attend your next meeting, and I certainly can’t tell you which specific people will say “Yes.” However, I can tell you things to do, and things to avoid, so you’ll know you have the best chance of maximizing attendance. I can’t tell you if you say or do one particular thing that your child will clean her room, or your boss will give you a raise. But I can tell you things you can do that will increase the odds of both.

Because I’ve seen the studies and experienced the results personally, I’m a believer! My worldview helps me explain an awful lot of why people do what they do. Not everything can be explained by reciprocity, liking, consensus, authority, consistency and scarcity but I’m amazed by how much can!

Earlier I wrote that a worldview was in essence the lens through which I view much of the world. I remember when I was a teenager getting glasses. I didn’t realize my eyesight was poor until I went to the optometrist. I simply figured everyone saw things the way I did. When I got that first set of glasses – WOW! All of a sudden, I could see blades of grass, leaves on trees and so much other detail. I didn’t realize what I was missing. That’s what the lens of influence has done for me. I’m not interested in doing research; I’m interested in understanding it so I can make sense of the world around me and the actions of others. I also enjoy taking the concepts and applying them to different situations to see if they can make me or my coworkers more successful. Now, because of this blog I get an opportunity to go beyond those boundaries. Thanks to Google Analytics, I can see people in nearly 40 countries follow this blog. That excites me!

So, I guess this week’s post wasn’t so much about persuasion tips as it was insight into my mind, my worldview. I would like to take this time to say thanks to all of you who read, who’ve commented and who’ve emailed me with questions or to just say how much you’ve enjoyed reading. That means a lot to me and without a doubt makes my day. Keep looking for posts every Monday at 5:30 p.m.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

You’d Do The Same For Me

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I find I enjoy writing this blog most when something hits me and I feel led to sit down and immediately start writing. That led to the blog posts on Michael Jackson, the cruise and the bathing suit story to name a few. Lately, nothing much was coming my way and I was getting a little worried…until this afternoon.

I’m actually writing this on August 24, the last day of summer vacation for my daughter Abigail. I decided to take the day off to spend time with her and Jane and one thing we did was go to the movies. We saw The Proposal with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. I don’t know what the critics had to say but we liked it a lot and laughed out loud a number of times. We give it six thumbs up, two for each of us so check it out sometime.

I won’t go into detail regarding the plot because that’s not the topic of this week’s post. Here’s what inspired me — at one point in the movie, Andrew Paxon (Ryan Reynolds) responds to Margaret Tate (Sandra Bullock) saying, “You’d do the same for me.” As soon as I heard that it was as if a light bulb went on and instantly I knew that I was supposed to write about that phrase. So here goes, right off the top!

Reciprocity is the psychological principle that describes the feeling we have where we want to “repay the favor,” so to speak. When someone does something for us we feel obligated to respond in kind. As someone looking to persuade people it’s important to understand this principle and to know how to respond after you’ve helped someone.

Quite often, when we do something for another person they reply by simply saying, “Thanks.” After all, it’s just good manners to be thankful. However, as the persuader, the one who did something that elicited the “thanks,” people drop the ball far more than they hang on to it. I say that because here’s how most people respond:

  1. “No problem.”
  2. “No big deal, I’d have done it for anyone.”
  3. Or worst of all, they say nothing.

People might respond as I’ve described above because they feel uncomfortable being praised but the bad thing is, in each case they’d discounted what they’ve done. When you do something for another it might not mean much to you but it obviously meant something to the other person. I remember a friend thanking me once for calling him each month to see if we could meet for lunch. Because I’d set up a recurring task in Outlook to remind me to call him I jokingly replied, “It’s not that I’m so nice, I’m just good with my computer.” When he heard that he said, “So what, I really appreciate it.” It wasn’t a big deal for me to create the task or to take a few moments to make the call but it meant a lot to him.

How many times do you fumble away opportunities as I’ve described? While there can be many responses better than the three I’ve listed above, I’ll give you just one; “George, I’m sure you’d do the same for me if the tables were turned.” Adding the name personalizes the response and gently puts the person on notice that you recognize a favor was done. That makes it much easier for you to ask for a favor down the road when you need help because you’ve reinforced what you did and, as I’ve already described, people feel compelled to return the favor.

I’m not advocating doing things to set people up. What I do advocate is genuinely offering help when people need it and you have the resources, skills or whatever else they need. You do so not thinking about what you want from them but you also don’t have to fumble away any potential opportunities either. So next time you hear, “Thanks,” for having done something, try saying some variation of “You’d do the same for me.” That might not make you as big a hit as The Proposal but I bet it will be far better than what you’re probably doing now.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Is Persuasion Manipulation?

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Is persuasion manipulation? I recently read The Hidden Persuaders by Vance Packard, a book written in the mid-1950s to alert people to how advertisers were getting the public to buy products using their understanding of psychology. It paints the social psychologists who worked with big companies in a negative light and described “the advertising man” as a “journeyman psychologist.” The cover of the book and the opening paragraph both state, “Many of us are being influenced and manipulated in the patterns of our everyday lives.”

I enjoyed the read and have to agree in part because there are people who take advantage of their understanding of psychology in order to get what they want. Reading it made me think it was time to address the topic of manipulation. If we’re to talk about manipulation we need to know what manipulation is. I looked up “manipulate” in several dictionaries and while they all vary somewhat their definitions, the word boils down to a couple of meanings, one good and one bad:

1. to handle or use skillfully (i.e., a carpenter manipulates wood – good)
2. to control something or someone cleverly or deviously (the car salesman manipulated me – bad)

I think it’s safe to say the words manipulate, manipulated and manipulation all carry negative connotations today. After all, no one wants to be manipulated and no one wants to be known as a manipulator.

When it comes to understanding manipulation we need to understand motive. I love a quote from The Art of Woo by G. Richard Shell and Mario Moussa. They wrote, “An earnest and sincere lover buys flowers and candy for the object of his affections. So does the cad who succeeds to take advantage of another’s heart. But when the cad succeeds, we don’t blame the flowers and candy. We rightly question his character.”

Understanding influence and persuasion is completely neutral like the flowers and candy noted above. Why a man uses the flowers and candy as he does, or why a person uses persuasion and influence is the real question. In each case you have to wonder if the person is only looking out for #1 — what’s in their best interests.

The term “win-win” is popular today. It’s encouraged in business and negotiations if you want to maintain a relationship with another person or organization. That needs to be kept i
n the forefront when it comes to using persuasion. You have to ask yourself, “Is what I’m asking this person, or company, to do in the best interests of all parties?” If it is and you’re being truthful in your approach then you can probably feel okay about proceeding.

Something else to consider. As you learn more and more about influence and persuasion, wouldn’t it be foolish to not use that understanding when making requests of others? If you knew there was a better way to hear “Yes” then why would you not use that method? If you felt bad that someone agreed then perhaps you have to step back and ask yourself whether or not your request — influence and persuasion aside — was legitimate to begin with.

Here’s an interesting side bar: it was this very topic that got me in touch with Dr. Cialdini. When I read an ad for one of his videos it read, “Call it influence, persuasion…even manipulation.” Knowing his stance on ethics I emailed the organization saying I don’t think he’d agree or appreciate that description of his work. His company, Influence at Work, found out about my email and called me. That’s what led to him becoming a guest speaker at State Auto in the summer of 2004, my attendance at his two-day Principles of Persuasion workshop and eventually my certification as a CMCT (Cialdini Method Certified Trainer).

On a more personal note – I used flowers, candy and a Rolls Royce on my wife’s 23rd birthday to “influence” her decision when I asked her to marry me. I think she’d agree it’s been a win-win relationship.

Before I let you go I want to point out the very cool drawing from a friend, Mike Franzese. Mike is in the advertising business and has a blog, Franzeseinklings, that I follow. I liked his drawings so much that I asked him for a picture that conveyed manipulation. I think you’ll agree, he did a terrific job! Keep an eye out for more from him and give his blog a follow.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes! “

Are You “An” Authority or “In” Authority

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Okay, it’s not 5:30 PM on Monday so why the new post? Well, I received an invitation from Mike Figliuolo at thoughtLeaders, LLC, to write a guest article and I didn’t want to pass up a great opportunity.

I met Mike several months ago and we’ve become friends and colleagues. We regularly share ideas over lunch and he’s been a tremendous help to me as I’ve developed my blog. Look for some guest articles from him on Influence PEOPLE in the future. For now, click here to read Are You “An” Authority or “In” Authority.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

My Best Parenting Advice Ever!

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This week I’m going to share what I consider to be my best parenting advice ever. I only wish I would have figured this out sooner!

I’m the parent of a teenager now. Our daughter, Abigail, will start the 8th grade next week and it’s amazed me how much change has taken place in the last year. Simply incredible! If you have a teenager – or lived through that stage with one – then I’m sure you can relate. Not only are they physically maturing, their likes and dislikes are changing right along with their personalities. One of the biggest challenges is getting them to do what we ask them to do, especially when it’s good for them.

Abigail has always tested very high on standardized tests when it comes to listening. When we read through The Chronicles of Narnia, all seven books, then restarted the series, she amazed me when she asked me to reread a section. I reread a sentence and she said, “I don’t remember that the first time [we read the book].” Bear in mind, we’d read the book months before and she picked out one word she didn’t remember hearing the first time. I share that so you’ll know, she’s got great ears and ability to listen – when she wants to. Therein lies the parenting challenge.

The Dilemma

One day I came home, and she’d left to spend the night at a friend’s house. Unfortunately, she left the house in total disarray. There was Sloppy Joe mix still in the pan, Mac ‘n Cheese in the pot, dishes in the sink. I called her, read her the riot act, and told her there would be a consequence when she came home. Moments later I received a text saying she was sorry and offered up her phone as punishment. I thought, “The criminal doesn’t get to set their sentence,” so I came up with something much better!

I had a book I wanted her to read over the summer, Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. If you’ve not read it, I highly recommend it. Frankl was a Jewish psychiatrist in Germany when WWII broke out. He survived three years in four different concentration camps and wrote about his experience from a clinical point of view. My takeaway from the book was this; no matter what’s taken from us, no one can ever take away our freedom to choose where we will place our thoughts. With that power we are free and can endure almost any hardship. I thought that would be a valuable lesson for Abigail to learn early in life.

The Resolution

When she got home, I told her no TV or computer until she read the book. Of course, she didn’t like that, but I reminded her the discipline would be short if she buckled down and read it in a day or two. On the other hand, it could last quite some time if she dragged her feet and complained. She got through the book in three days and then we talked about it. Now I have a point of reference when she complains because her “hardships” are nothing compared to Frankl’s.

This blog is about influence so you might be wondering how I’m going to tie this into influence. Here’s my influence strategy – I told Abigail next time she disobeyed it would be another book of my choosing. As you can imagine, we don’t share the same taste in books. She’s into the Harry Potter and Twilight series and my preferences are more inclined to learning and self-improvement. I also told her I would set out the next book as a visual reminder. Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive is sitting on the dining room table as I type!

Conclusion

I like to believe at 45 years old I’m still a little smarter than she is even though most teenagers think mom and dad are idiots. I reminded her, “No matter what I win because, either you do what I say, or you’ll be smarter.” Now that’s a win-win for me and whether or not she realizes it, it will be a win for her in the long run too. I encourage you to give it a try!

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers (CMCT) in the world, Brian was personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to apply influence concepts at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 500,000 people around the world!

Golf Advice from Corey Pavin

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Who would you believe when it comes to golf advice, me or Corey Pavin? When it comes to golf I think my resume is pretty good – I broke 90 a few times and I’ve meet Jack Nicklaus. I’ll grant you Corey Pavin has more room to boast — 1995 U.S. Open Champion and top five finisher in The Masters, The PGA Championship and The British Open. But should that really make a difference?

Here’s the scoop. My wife Jane is BIG time into golf. I joke with people and say the only difference between her and Tiger Woods is nine holes a week…and a really big paycheck! Several years ago I shared something with her that I often share in sales training when we talk about attitude and focus.

When I’m teaching about attitude I ask how many participants play golf and lots of hands go up. Next I ask, “When you come to a hole with water, what do you think?” Inevitably I hear, “Don’t go in the water.” So I ask another question, “Where does your ball usually end up.” You guessed it, “In the water!” Then we talk about the power of focus and how our brains don’t really process the “don’t” in a statement because the brain focuses on the object, which happens to be the water for most golfers. To cure the problem I tell them they have to focus on what they want, which might be, “Go left, aim left.”

This post isn’t about golf so I’ll get to the point. I shared that training tip with Jane one evening and about two weeks later she was reading a golf book I’d gotten her and said, “Listen to what Corey Pavin says…” She proceeded to tell me exactly what I shared two weeks earlier! I said, “I told you that,” but she denied ever hearing that advice come from my lips. “Don’t you remember a couple of weeks ago when I told you about my training class?” A blank stare and more denials from her so I said, “Oh, if I say it, it’s not true but if Corey Pavin says it then it’s true?”

That was a true statement because sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s what people hear. Why did she believe Corey Pavin and forget what I’d said? Because he was an authority, a recognized expert when it comes to golf and I’m not. He and I can say the same thing but people will believe him more because of who he is and what he’s accomplished.

Have you ever come up with an idea and seen it fall flat but then someone else shares it and it’s a success? Don’t feel bad because it happens all the time in business and at home. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride and recognize the idea or message will be received better if it comes from someone else. I believe what goes around comes around and you’ll eventually be recognized for your good ideas and advice but it can take time.

Parents, you can tell your kids to eat their veggies all you want but if Lebron James, Tiger Woods or Tom Brady tells them to eat their veggies, who do you think they’ll listen to more? The sports figures of course.

When our daughter Abigail was little she was a fussy eater like most kids. We could ask her, tell her or threaten her to eat all her food to no avail. But she was always good at the doctor’s office so Jane used to tell her she had the doctor on the phone and he said she better eat all her dinner…and bang, the plate was clean! He was an authority, the doctor, and she knew to listen to him.

Now that Abigail is older and works out with her mom I knew she might not work as hard as she should so I got in touch with an ex-Ohio State football player at the gym. I asked him to have a talk with Abigail and he did so the first day she went to the gym. She sometimes doesn’t listen to mom but she listens to him because he’s an authority in her eyes.

I think you get the point. Sometimes to get what you want you’ll be better off to let the message come from another. In future posts we’ll talk about how to enhance your authority so you won’t have to turn to others.

P.S. Now when I want something I start with “Jane, Corey Pavin says…” Sometimes it works but I think Jane’s on to me.

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Are You a Twitter Snob?

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I’m still a total novice, a geek you might say, when it comes to Twitter. I signed up at the advice of a friend and have mostly tried to use it as a tool to promote this blog. Facebook continues to be the place where I get more personal.

Because I just didn’t feel I was getting the hang of Twitter I bought Twitter Power by Joel Comm. For my wife and daughter, the fact that I would buy and read a book like that confirms them that I am indeed a geek, a twit, a tweet.

As I type this I’m half way through the book and have learned several good pointers. But, this post isn’t about the book; rather it’s about what I’m observing about Twitter from a social influence standpoint.

First I must confess, I’ve become a Twitter snob. Are you? You might discover you’re one too and didn’t know it. Why do I say I’m I a snob? Well, for the simple reason that I don’t “follow” everyone who follows me. Kind of rude isn’t it? In my defense there’s a psychological force at work on me. It’s called consensus, also known as social proof.

Consensus is the psychological principle whereby people look to others for clues on how to act. That gets heightened when we are not sure what to do. So I’m new to Twitter, fumbling around not knowing what to do and I look to see what others are doing. I’ve received notification that people or organizations are following me so I pop over to their Twitter home page to see what’s up. Here’s where consensus comes into play which leads me to a question for you. If you saw “Following 1,567” and “Followers 138” would you be like me and wonder, “Why are so few people following this person?”

It’s not that 138 is a small number; after all, we all have to start somewhere. The problem is that 138 is a small number compared to 1,567. We naturally compare and contrast to gauge things. It’s no different than looking inside a small restaurant, seeing a large crowd, people waiting and all the tables filled. I don’t know about you but when I see that I naturally assume it must be a good place. By contrast, when you pop your head into a large place and see more empty tables than full ones it’s easy to conclude something must be wrong with the food, service or something else. In reality there may be more people in the big restaurant but you don’t really notice that. In both cases we’re influenced by groups, or lack of, and that is heightened when comparing it to the number of tables.

At first I felt bad not following someone who followed me. My feeling bad goes to another principle of influence, reciprocity, which tells us we should respond in kind when someone does something for us. Someone smiles at us and we smile back or they do something for us and we feel obligated to return the favor. So naturally, when someone follows us on Twitter we feel somewhat obligated to follow them back.

So what’s a person to do if they find themselves in a follower deficit? Again, I’m no Twitter expert but here are a few things that come to mind:

  • Friends and Family – Use the AT&T strategy and try connecting with people you know so they’ll follow you and you can build up that number.
  • Sympathy – Start sending messages to some of those you follow to tell them you made a mistake and ask them to start following you.
  • Slow Down Cowboy – As people do start following you, don’t be so quick to follow back for a time so you can even out your “following” and “follow” numbers.
  • Last Resort – If all else fails, set up a new Twitter account and be more careful as you build up your followers. This might seem like a hassle but it will be worse to go months, maybe years and never see many followers.

Again, I don’t claim to be an authority on Twitter, that’s why I needed a book! However, I know enough about social influence to realize when people are shooting themselves in the foot. By the way, feel free to follow me on Twitter or become my friend on Facebook. Links to both are on the side of the Web site.Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

Reverse Psychology and the Vacation Bathing Suit

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This week’s post is more of a funny story and I’ll be honest, it was a bit unethical on my part. Having confessed that, I think you’ll appreciate the humor in it, particularly if you’ve been married for any length of time. The timing is also appropriate as we get ready for another family vacation.

Several years ago, while getting ready to go on vacation, my wife Jane was looking for a new bathing suit and she was brave enough to take me and Abigail along. Mind you, shopping is not high on my list of fun activities but I thought it would be great to have some say in her picking out a new bathing suit. After all, I’m the one who will look at it most, so I was happy to go along for the ride.

After stopping at several stores she finally found one that had several suits she considered worth trying on. She brought three suits into the ladies dressing room as Abigail and I waited patiently outside. When she appeared in the first suit, a one piece polka dotted suit that was high cut on the sides, I thought, “Wow!” So she asked, “Do you like this one?” to which I replied, “Yea, I like it a lot!” She said, “Really? I don’t like the cut.” She went on to say a few more negative things about the bathing suit and my heart sank like a rock tossed into a pond.

Next she came out in another one piece suit, a royal blue one. I like royal blue but didn’t like how it looked so when she asked if I liked it I told her I didn’t. As fate would have it she began to tell us why she liked it more than the first suit. Damn!

Guys might relate to this more than the women, but it seems like whatever I like, at least when it comes to clothing, my wife doesn’t like! It’s as if she asks my opinion to verify in her own mind that her initial choice was right. Knowing this I turned to Abigail and said, “Pay attention because you’re going to learn about reverse psychology!”

She came out in the third suit which she immediately said she didn’t like. I dutifully agreed then said, “You know, I was thinking about it and I kind of like that second suit.” Surprised, Jane said, “Really? I kind of like the first suit.” “No, get the second suit,” I insisted. Now she was set on getting the first suit…AND I WON…FINALLY!

When we got in the car Abigail, only 10 years old at the time, blurted out, “Mom, dad did reverse psychology on you! He didn’t like the second suit, he liked the first one. He only said he’d liked the second suit so you’d get the first one.” Jane looked at me and asked, “You really didn’t like the second suit?” Then I confessed and she asked why. “Whatever I like you don’t seem to like and I really liked the first suit. If I’d insisted that you get that one you would not have bought it.”

Okay, I wasn’t totally ethical so I don’t suggest you try it. However, I must say, it was a fun little experiment which made for a great story. Oh, and one more thing, Jane looked great on vacation! ; )

Brian
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes!”

People Like to do Business with People They Like

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You’ve probably heard this one before, “People like to do business with people they like.” Sales trainer/author Jeffrey Gitomer puts it this way in the Sales Bible, “All things being equal, people prefer to do business with people they like. All things being not so equal, people still prefer to do business with people they like.” Both of those describe the psychological principle of persuasion known as “liking.”

But liking doesn’t just apply to business, it extends to pretty much everything. Think back to the last time you did something with other people. Did you think, “Hmm, who to I like least? I think I’ll call them to go to the movies (or dinner or golf, etc.).” Of course you didn’t, you called someone you enjoyed being around.

When we like people it’s natural to pick up the phone to call them for social or business reasons. So being likable can help you in lots of ways. I’m not talking rocket science here. When I interview people and I ask, “What’s the most important part of selling?” the answer I get most often is one simple word, “relationships.” If you’re not in a “one and done business” (i.e., car sales, homes, or other big ticket items), I tend to agree with that answer. In my business, insurance, our people do form long-term relationships with agents and CSRs so likability is huge.

I usually follow up my question with something like this, “If you get this job, and you’re getting ready for your first sales calls, what will be your strategy to build your relationships quickly?” This is where most interviewees fall flat. They know their current customers like them but they don’t really know why. If they don’t understand that, then building strong relationships quickly is a matter of hit or miss. If they do understand what causes people to like them, then they can look for ways to tap into that and get those new relationships off to a good start.

First and foremost, we like people who are like us. That can encompass many things such as where you’re from, favorite sports teams, similar interests or backgrounds, to name a few. Once you notice something you have in common it is incumbent upon you to tap into that by speaking up.

I always think of my wife, Jane, when it comes to this. If you’ve ever met her then you now she’s a diehard Steelers fan!! When I was a kid I hated the Steelers…with a passion…but, after 21 years of marriage and a lot of football, I’ve become a fan too. What Jane is so good at is connecting with people. It doesn’t matter where we are in the country, if someone has Steelers sportswear on she’ll say, “Go Steelers!” Quite often that leads to conversation which would lead you to believe Jane and the stranger had known each other for years.

And it’s not just the Steelers. Once, while having a drink at Cheers in Boston, she overheard someone talking and recognized the accent as being from Southwest Pennsylvania. She asked about it, was correct, and a conversation followed.

Those were simple things any of us can do, if we take the initiative. If we see something we can connect with, we need to simply raise it to the surface and let nature take its course. The other important point to note is, when you talk about what you have in common it usually elicits good feelings. As people come to associate those good feelings with you, that’s where liking happens. That’s when they start thinking of you when they have a need or want to do something social.

In the coming weeks we’ll look at others ways you can tap into the principle of liking. Now here’s the really cool thing; if you try the things I teach you, not only will people come to like you more, you’ll actually like them more as well. And who knows, that could lead to some new friendships along the way.