Navigating the High Seas of Behavior Change

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Bringing about change doesn’t have to be as hard as we sometimes make it, if we become good sailors and learn the right influence skills. 

Robert Cialdini, affectionately known to many as the Godfather of influence, can be your ship captain to help you navigate the high seas, making your influence attempts more successful more often. 

If you’ve followed me for more than five minutes, then you know my association with the good doctor goes back decades. In fact, I recently celebrated my 16th anniversary as a Cialdini Method Certified Trainer (CMCT). More recently I’ve become a faculty member at the prestigious Cialdini Institute.

The Cialdini Institute has opened new opportunities for people who want to go further on their influence journey because they can now learn directly from Dr. Cialdini. 

The EPOP is the online version of his Principles of Persuasion Workshop. That workshop was previously limited to select individuals a couple of times a year in Arizona and for the fortunate few who brought a CMCT into their organization for training.

Why should you consider the EPOP? Most importantly, the ability to ethically influence people is critical for your professional success and personal happiness.

There are four things that differentiate The Cialdini Institute approach from other sales, leadership, and influence training options. Those differentiators are encapsulated in the word “SEAS,” an acronym for Science, Ethics, Application, and Small Bigs.

Science

Everything you’ll learn in the EPOP about how to influence people is rooted in science. With more than nine decades of research into what causes people to say yes, there’s plenty of peer research to learn from.

Ethics

Nobody wants to be manipulated and I know you’re not looking to become a manipulator. We live in a time when information travels faster than ever and people share negative information much more than they pass along positive experience. That means you cannot afford to put your reputation on the line by treating people unethically. The good news is, you don’t need to resort to manipulative tricks to influence people. We focus on non-manipulated ways to bring about change. 

Application

I often tell audiences, “It’s not the knowing that counts, it’s the doing. Wisdom is the application of knowledge.” You won’t just learn the science; you’ll learn practical ways to put your new knowledge into practice immediately so you can enjoy more success and happiness.

Small Bigs

What we teach at the Cialdini Institute doesn’t require you to reinvent your sales process, leadership approach, or marketing materials. That’s because small changes to what you’re already doing can lead to big differences when you begin to apply the principles of influence.

What’s Holding You Back?

Influence is a skill we use every day, from womb to tomb. From the moment we come into the world until the day we depart, we’re trying to influence others to get our needs met. That’s why understanding how to ethically influence people will help you enjoy more processional success and personal happiness.

So, what’s holding you back from upping your influence skills? For details on the offerings at The Cialdini Institute and how they can help you, reach out to me directly. 

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx presenter, international speaker, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence in everyday situations.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by over 700,000 people around the world and his TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!



Influencing Ourselves and Others: How Our Words Shape Our World

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Ever stop to think about how a simple greeting can reveal so much? I found myself thinking about this during a casual exchange at my local cigar shop, a place you’ll often find me working these days. A regular strolled in, and our conversation kicked off with the typical, “How are you doing?” His response, “Not too bad,” sparked more than just small talk—it became the inspiration for this article.

That phrase, “Not too bad,” is intriguing, isn’t it? It sets “bad” as the norm, suggesting that anything a little better than bad is good enough. Most of us interpret it as “I’m okay,” even when things might be going great. This got me thinking about how our words influence each of us individually and, by extension, on those around us.

Focused Attention

Our brains have limited attention and always highlight the subject of our focus. This reminds me of an episode of television show Frasier, where Frasier and his bother Niles decided to learn how to ride bike. Frasier kept colliding with objects because he wouldn’t take his eyes off them. He thought that would help him steer clear but ironically, he ended up exactly where he didn’t want to be. This mirrors a crucial brain function: focusing on the object of our “don’ts” often drives us right into them.

Consider golfers. Instead of focusing on avoiding the water hazard, low handicap golfers visualize the ball landing in the fairway. Poor golfers often pull out a “water ball,” one they don’t mind losing, and their thought, “Don’t go in the water,” more often than not, sees the ball making a splash. It’s a clear illustration: what you dwell on sets yourself up for the focus of your attention.

The Influence Effect

My former boss, John Petrucci, understood this well. Ask him how he was, and you’d get a “Peachy keen!” or “Unbelievable!” His sunny outlook wasn’t just for show; it rubbed off on everyone around him. I recall a long-time, somewhat gruff colleague, who started echoing John’s “Hunky dory.” John admitted that even on bad days, opting for a positive “Unbelievable!” (he might have been doing unbelievably bad) could still be a positive influence on others.

It’s not about faking it; it’s about choosing the brighter side of things when possible. This approach isn’t just for leaders or sales professionals; it’s a universal tool in our everyday interactions, especially vital in today’s divided and tense societal climate.

Bettering Ourselves and Others

As someone deeply invested in the art of influence, I’ve observed the profound effect our choice of words can have—not just on our psyche but on the ambiance of our interactions. John’s lesson was clear: looking on the bright side was a powerful form of positive influence for him and others.

In our quests to better ourselves and influence people, the words we select are our building blocks. Let’s challenge ourselves to pick words that create a positive influence. Next time you’re asked how you’re doing, consider the ripple effect your answer might have. Opting for positivity could be your contribution to a brighter world.

I invite you to reflect on the good times, even the “not too bad” ones, and share how choosing positivity has influenced your life and those around you.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

They Thought We Were Ridiculous

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Have you ever caught yourself doing something that, upon reflection, seemed a bit out of the ordinary? Maybe you’ve made a purchase just because it was the last item on the shelf, or perhaps you started saving more for retirement without fully understanding why. Well, you’re not alone, and there’s a fascinating explanation behind these decisions: behavioral economics.

I recently listened to a podcast series that was entertaining and enlightening when it comes to the quirks of human behavior. They Thought We Were Ridiculous is a masterpiece crafted by the brilliant minds of Tim Houlihan and Kurt Nelson from Behavioral Grooves, alongside Andy Luttrell from Opinion Science. As someone who’s had the pleasure of being a guest on both platforms, I can attest to the passion and insight these three bring to the table.

This five-part series delves into the crux of behavioral economics, a field that dares to question the age-old notion of the “rational human” that traditional economics has held so dear. It’s an exploration of how our decisions are influenced by a myriad of factors, often leading us to act in ways that defy cold, hard logic.

The charm of the series lies not just in the heavyweight interviews with pioneers like Daniel Kahneman, George Lowenstein, and Richard Thaler, but also in the captivating storytelling. Through decades of research, experiments, and real-life applications, the hosts weave a narrative that’s as informative as it is engaging.

Behavioral economics sits at the intersection of economics and psychology, offering insights into why we do what we do, even when it doesn’t seem to make sense. Concepts like loss aversion, the scarcity principle, nudges, and pre-suasion are just the tip of the iceberg. These principles influence everything from public policy to personal finance, sometimes nudging us towards better decisions without us even realizing it.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because understanding the underlying factors that guide our choices can be incredibly empowering. It’s a reminder that being “irrational” is part of the human condition, and there’s beauty in our unpredictability. This series not only sheds light on the intricacies of human behavior but also celebrates it.

So, whether you’re a seasoned enthusiast of Robert Cialdini, of behavioral economics, or simply curious about why we act the way we do, this podcast series is a must-listen. You can find it on Apple Podcasts under Behavioral Grooves or Opinion Science, or visit the They Thought We Were Ridiculous website for a deep dive into the world of behavioral economics.

As we navigate through life, making countless decisions along the way, it’s comforting to know that sometimes, the most “ridiculous” actions are just part of our beautifully complex nature. We might as well embrace our quirks because they make us who we are. And who knows, understanding them might just lead to some of our best decisions yet.

I invite you to listen, reflect, and join the conversation. What’s a decision you’ve made that seemed “ridiculous” at the time but now makes perfect sense through the lens of behavioral economics? I encourage you to share your stories and thoughts.

Written in conjunction with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

A Homecoming of Sorts

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Last week was a bit surreal as I had a homecoming of sorts.

I spent the bulk of my insurance career, 28 and a half years, with State Auto Insurance (a Liberty Mutual company since 2021). After nearly four years with The Travelers, I walked into State Auto in May 1990. The final time I walked out of the building was November 2018.

A Blessing

I was blessed to work for State Auto for many reasons. 

First, I loved what I did. People were usually surprised when they heard me use the word love. I think that’s because so many people don’t enjoy their jobs.

I believed in the company. There were good people there who genuinely cared about the agents that represented the company and the people who placed their insurance with us. Insurance is a relationship driven business and State Auto was a relationship driven company.

My boss was awesome. He treated me like a partner and gave me the latitude to do what I thought was necessary to help boost sales. He also provided coaching guidance to help me continually improve. I learned so much from him and still lean on him for business advice.

The people I worked with were amazing. With all the travel I did, having breakfast, lunch, and dinner with so many led to friendships. It’s so nice to see them when I travel for industry events. Reminiscing with them is like talking with friends I grew up with – all good times and great stories.

As if that wasn’t enough, I was well compensated. I felt like I’d hit the trifecta at the race track. Not too many people get to experience all of that in their career, let alone for so long at one place.

Winds of Change

Despite all of that, I knew one day I would leave to pursue my influence training full time. That’s what I had the most passion for. The thought of working for myself was appealing so I began to set my sites in 2008, shortly after receiving my Cialdini certification. I got the website, started working on my first book, and began to build my social media presence. I even started working with clients outside of the insurance industry to avoid any conflict of interest.

My plan was to leave in May 2022, because I would hit certain retirement metrics and could immediately start to draw my pension.

Everything was going as planned until 2018. My boss decided to retire at the end of the year and things began to change in ways I was not on board with. I’d helped many friends land jobs at the company, but I could no longer encourage friends to come work for us. I couldn’t tell someone they should place their insurance with us. I couldn’t tell agents they should come on board to represent us. When I couldn’t do any of those, it was a clear signal I needed to go. I didn’t want to be a detractor to others who still believed in the company. I didn’t want to lie to others or myself, and I knew I’d be unhappy if I stayed.

As scary as it was, I bit the bullet, left a lot of money on the table, and walked out the door for the final time in November 2018. Despite being my decision, I was angry with management for quite a while because I felt the decisions from the top were what ruined such a good thing. That was evidenced by the need to sell to Liberty Mutual in 2021, at the 100th anniversary of the founding of the company. For me, it felt like admitting defeat.

Going Home

Last Tuesday I walked into the building for the first time in more than five years. I did so to work with a group of insurance agents known as PaceSetters. As an aside – PaceSetters remains the best new producer training program in the industry.

If you’ve ever visited your grade school, high school, or college, after many years, you’ll probably understand how I felt. The building was the same on the outside but totally different on the inside. It’s where I used to work but it’s not where I worked because it was so different. 

The training session took place in the spot where my office was when I ran the corporate university, my final role with the company. That was a bit surreal as I remembered my team and our time together.

While most of the people I knew either retired, were let go, or chose to move on, I did see a few familiar faces which was nice. It meant a lot when a former, long-time coworker said at the end of my presentation, “No matter how many times I hear you speak, I always love it.” As you might imagine, that meant a lot. 

Embrace the Moment

This experience served as a vivid reminder that while places and people evolve, the essence of our shared experiences remains. As I walked the halls of my former workplace, I was reminded that life is always changing and the importance of cherishing every moment. 

I share this reflection not just as a stroll down memory lane, but as an invitation to you to pause and appreciate the present. Our personal and professional journeys contain fleeting moments of joy, learning, and connection. Embrace these moments because they shape our stories and mold us into the people we become.

As we continue to navigate our lives and careers, I encourage you to hold onto the memories of good times, the lessons learned, and the relationships you build along the way. And remember, while we may never truly go “home” again, it’s about finding joy in the journey and gratitude for the experiences we’ve had.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Why Did I Go Upstairs?

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Last week, while at home juggling several work tasks, I noticed my MacBook Pro prompting me to run an overdue update. Pausing my work, I initiated the update. This moment of maintenance sparked a thought about my other computer, a MacBook Air, stationed in my video studio for live presentations. Suspecting it needed the same care, I made my way upstairs.

As I entered the studio, something unexpected caught my eye—the usual mattress sprawled on the floor had vanished. That led me to believe it was moved into the guest bedroom in anticipation of our great nephews’ visit. My hunch was correct as I stepped out of the studio and spotted it in the guest room. But then a new thought hit me: “Why did I come upstairs?” Despite knowing there was a reason, no matter how much I focused, the reason escaped me. It wasn’t until I laid down to clear my mind in our bedroom that the original intent came back tome—to update my MacBook Air.

This isn’t a story of aging memory but a common human experience. Our good intentions, no matter how simple, can be derailed by distractions, leading us to momentarily forget our purpose. At the heart of these moments is our limited attention span. Contrary to popular belief, our capacity to hold information in working memory is quite limited, and our focus is easily diverted.

You’ve likely heard the term “paying attention,” akin to a cognitive expenditure. Allocating attention to one aspect inherently means neglecting others. In my TEDx Talk on Pre-Suasion, I delve into setting the stage for influence success. The groundwork laid before attempting to influence someone can significantly impact their receptiveness if it’s done thoughtfully and strategically.

In today’s information-saturated society, capturing and maintaining someone’s attention is a formidable challenge for marketers and salespeople alike. So, the next time you’re getting ready for an important conversation that requires influence, ponder how you can grab and direct attention to ensure the recipient is most open to your message. For a practical demonstration, I invite you to watch my TEDx Talk, particularly the opening story. Decades ago, I instinctively knew the importance of pre-suasion, even without the full understanding I have today.

Our journey through life is filled with moments of forgetfulness, sidetracked by the unexpected. Yet, these instances offer profound lessons in the art of influence. By mastering the skill of capturing and directing attention, you can set the stage for meaningful connections and persuasive conversations. 

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

When You’re Wrong, Admit It, Own It, Fix It

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In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie shared some time-tested wisdom, “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.” But when we shift from personal interactions to the complexity that comes with business relations, Carnegie’s advice, while foundational, is only the starting point.

Imagine you’re at your favorite restaurant. You’ve been looking forward to this meal all week, but when it arrives, it’s not what you ordered. The server, upon realizing the mistake, promptly admits the error. That’s good, right? But if the story ends there, with an apology and nothing more, your night is still ruined. Here’s where Carnegie’s advice needs a little extension. In business, as in life, it’s not just about owning your mistakes; it’s about fixing them, too.

The idea for this week’s post was sparked by insights from Dr. Robert Cialdini, the leading expert when it comes to the science of influence. Cialdini teaches that acknowledging errors openly strengthens trust. More importantly, he emphasizes that when mistakes are seen as internal issues rather than external mishaps, they present an opportunity for resolution and positive influence. This approach not only salvages customer relationships but often enhances them.

His insights caused me to reflect on a fascinating study I stumbled upon years ago. The study highlighted a counterintuitive truth about mistakes. Restaurant guests who encountered problems with their service (like delayed orders or cold meals) but saw their issue resolved satisfactorily, rated their dining experience higher than those who’s dining experience went exactly as it should. How could that be?

The servers who admitted to the slip-ups, and then worked to correct them, were viewed as more trustworthy and caring. This act of taking responsibility and correcting the mistake triggered the principle of reciprocity. Customers responded to the extra efforts from servers to rectify the situation with greater understanding and appreciation, often translating into higher satisfaction scores and loyalty.

So, let’s build on Carnegie’s foundation with a three-step strategy for those times when things don’t go as they should:

Admit It: When you’re wrong, say so. This initial admission is crucial for establishing trust. It shows you’re human and capable of self-reflection. Without this step you cannot get to the next step.

Own It: Take responsibility without shifting the blame to external factors. This demonstrates control and capability, suggesting that you’re not only aware of the problem but also in a position to fix it.

Fix It: Act decisively to rectify the mistake to the customer’s satisfaction. This is where the principle of reciprocity shines. By going above and beyond to correct an error, you lay the groundwork for a stronger, more positive relationship with your customer.

Employing this approach turns potential negatives into powerful positives. It leverages the principles of authority, by demonstrating expertise and responsibility, and reciprocity, by ensuring the customer feels valued and respected.

In your quest to influence ethically and effectively, never forget that mistakes, while inevitable, are not the end of the story. They’re opportunities to demonstrate your commitment to your values and to the people you serve. By admitting, owning, and fixing your errors, you not only salvage potentially lost customers but can actually emerge stronger and more respected than before.

I invite you to reflect on your approach to handling mistakes. How can you integrate these principles into your communication and business strategies? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

What’s a Few Billion or Trillion Dollars?

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What’s a few billion, or trillion, dollars between friends, businesses, or countries? Billions and trillions of dollars are numbers we hear quite often in the media. A few notable examples include:

  • In 2016 the U.S. sent $400 billion to Iran in the nuclear deal. 
  • Our government bailed out banks to the tune of $700 billion back in 2008. 
  • The total government spend in 2023 was $6.1 trillion, increasing the national debt by $1.7 trillion.

U.S. national debt currently stands at $34 trillion…and counting. That’s 34 with 12 zeros after it ($34,000,000,000,000)! 

Even though it’s a little dated now because the debt increases about $5 billion per day, if you want a visual to drive home just how huge our debt is, click here. 

Can we realistically pay it off in our lifetime, or any lifetime?

In persuasion there’s something known as the contrast phenomenon. This tells us two things will appear more different depending on what’s presented first. Without something to compare to, none of us can really grasp billions and trillions of dollars so let me give you some comparison points.

With 340 million Americans, we could pay off the national debt if each of us, including children and infants, gives the government $100,000. Not doable so what are other options?

What if we eat the elephant one bite at a time and slowly pay it down by $1 million per day? A million dollars is a lot of money. At that pace it would take 93,151 years to pay it off. Let that sink in for a moment!

Okay, a million dollars doesn’t go as far as it used to, but a billion dollars is a lot of dough. What if we reduce the debt by a billion dollars a day? Sorry but it’s not likely anyone reading this, or their kids, will be alive to see it paid off because it would still take 93 years. 

How about sticking it to the ultra-rich? If we liquidate the wealth of the 10 richest people on the planet (their worth is $1.2 trillion) that still leaves us with $32.8 trillion in debt. We’d still need 90 years to pay it off at a billion dollars a day.

Let’s go for the 100 richest people in the world. That should do it, right? Their net worth is almost $4.2 trillion. Unfortunately, that still leaves $29.8 trillion, or about what we owed at the end of 2021.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. We don’t have an inequity problem or a tax revenue problem, we have a spending problem. It stems from limited resources and unlimited needs (military, social security, health care, education, etc.). 

Trying to reduce the debt by taxing people more and more is like trying to lose weight through exercise alone. You can’t burn enough calories to lose significant weight if you don’t also change your eating significantly. 

Running a marathon only burns 3,275 calories which isn’t even equivalent to a pound of fat! Maybe a marathon is too big a goal so let’s reduce it somewhat. Most candy bars are 200-250 calories, about the calories you’ll burn running a couple of miles a day. I think we’d all agree, skipping the candy bar is probably the right, and much easier, choice (sorry Snickers).

I don’t share this to depress you but to alert you. There are two important takeaways I want you to remember:

  1. Pay attention to what’s shared with you and find legitimate comparisons so you really understand the data.
  2. Use the contrast phenomenon to your advantage. When people might not grasp what you’re proposing, make sure you include valid comparison points.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

Want to Remove All Questions about Manipulation? Here’s the Key…

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As I scan social media, I’ve noticed an increase in discussions about the fine line separating influence and persuasion from manipulation. This is an important topic, especially considering the intent and ethics in our communications. As one of the few Cialdini Certified trainers globally, and an advocate for ethical influence, I’ve always emphasized creating mutually beneficial outcomes. Stephen Covey hit the nail on the head with his win-win philosophy.

Manipulation

Now, let’s talk about manipulators. Their primary goal? Themselves. Your “win” in any transaction is of no concern to them. But ethical influencers? We aim for mutual benefit. Aristotle wisely stated, “Character may almost be called the effective means of persuasion.”

So, what’s the key to keeping manipulation at bay? It’s simpler than you might think: genuinely like the person you’re trying to influence.

The Principle of Liking

Robert Cialdini shed light on this when he popularized the principle of liking. It’s intuitive: we’re more inclined to say yes to those we like. But here’s the catch – it’s not just about getting others to like you. It’s about you genuinely liking them.

Would you manipulate a friend? I wouldn’t, and I believe you wouldn’t either. So, our task is to build friendships with those we seek to influence.

Getting someone to like you isn’t rocket science. Offer authentic compliments, find common ground, and it’s natural for them to start liking you. Think about it: when someone compliments you genuinely, it feels good, right? That positive feeling gets associated with the person giving the compliment and you naturally begin to like them.

The Key…

But here’s the enlightening twist, the key: the actions that make others like you will also lead you to like them! Complimenting someone means you’re focusing on their best traits, naturally elevating your view of them. Discover shared interests, like supporting the same sports team or having common backgrounds, and you’ll find it easier to like them too.

When people sense your genuine liking, they open up. It’s a basic human belief that friends look out for each other. And here’s where the magic happens: as you grow to genuinely like someone, you instinctively start wanting the best for them. This is the cornerstone of ethical influence – it removes manipulation from the persuasion equation.

It’s Available for You

This is behavioral science, not rocket science. Anyone can implement this approach, provided their motives are right. Even those who start from a place of self-interest will find this method beneficial. Why? Because people are more likely to agree to requests from someone they believe genuinely likes and cares for them. Over time, I hope such individuals will discover the deeper joy of knowing, liking, and caring for the people they interact with.

Conclusion

In summary, the essence of ethical influence lies in transforming our approach to communication. By genuinely liking the people we interact with, we not only foster positive connections but also ensure our influence is rooted in mutual respect and benefit. This is the ethos I’ve explored in my books Influence PEOPLE, Persuasive Selling, and The Influencer.

Adopting the approach I’ve outlined can revolutionize not just how we communicate, but also how we build relationships in both our professional and personal lives. I encourage you to share your thoughts, experiences, and perhaps even a story of how genuine liking transformed an interaction for you.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

The Persuasive Power of Credentials: Lessons from the Land of Oz and Beyond

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As I settled in the day after Thanksgiving, I couldn’t help but revisit a piece of my childhood – “The Wizard of Oz.” Not just for nostalgia, but for the timeless wisdom it imparts, especially when it comes to influence and persuasion.

Remember the Scarecrow’s quest for intelligence? All it took was a diploma from the Wizard for him to believe in his newfound intellect. While we know that a piece of paper doesn’t infuse knowledge, it does symbolize something significant and here’s where the principle of authority comes into play.

In the real world, think about the difference a diploma or a black belt can make. They don’t necessarily make you a genius or a martial arts master overnight, but they do represent hard-earned expertise and commitment. This isn’t just about appearing more intelligent or capable; it’s about leveraging these symbols of authority to enhance your persuasive power.

Consider this: a college degree, especially from a prestigious institution, carries weight in conversations and negotiations. It’s a blend of authority and scarcity at work. With 37% of U.S. citizens holding a bachelor’s degree as of 2022, and even fewer from elite universities, these qualifications become not just educational milestones but persuasive tools.

The same applies to martial arts. Earning a black belt, let alone higher degrees, represents years of dedication, making it a symbol of authority and rarity. Just like academic achievements, these accolades can significantly bolster your persuasive abilities.

Now, let’s connect this to your professional life. It’s crucial that people are aware of your credentials before you engage in persuasion. This is where a well-crafted bio, introduced by someone else, comes into play. It establishes your credibility and sets the stage for effective influence.

When preparing for a meeting, especially with new clients, leverage this strategy. Write your own bio or email, highlighting your accomplishments and let someone else introduce you. This approach ensures your achievements are conveyed accurately and effectively.

Don’t forget the power of platforms like LinkedIn. Your profile is your digital resume, constantly scrutinized by potential clients, partners, and employers. Make sure it reflects your educational qualifications, achievements, and certificates. It’s essential in today’s digital age to have your online persona mirror your real-world expertise and authority.

Here’s the key takeaway: Hard work and dedication lead to recognition and credibility. Once you’ve earned that recognition, whether it’s a degree, certificate, or award, make sure people know about it. This sets you up as an authority, making your persuasive efforts more impactful.

Influence isn’t just about what you say or how you say it; it’s also about the authority you carry into the conversation. Just like the Scarecrow in “The Wizard of Oz,” it’s not the diploma that makes you smart, but it sure helps others perceive you that way. Your credentials can be a powerful tool in your persuasive arsenal, so use them wisely and ethically to enhance your influence and achieve your goals.

Remember, influence is about combining your skills, knowledge, and achievements to create a compelling, persuasive presence. Your journey, much like that of Dorothy and her friends, is unique, but the principles of ethical influence remain constant and powerful. Keep pushing boundaries and innovating in how you wield influence, and don’t forget to share your stories and insights along the way. Let’s inspire change together!

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!

A Question I Couldn’t Answer…Immediately

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I want to share an insight that dawned on me recently – one that’s a bit of a personal revelation and a professional one too. It’s about the essence of influence.

True confession – I used to hate Q&A. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been comfortable speaking in front of a crowd. I know that is terrifying for many people, but I enjoy the opportunity to share with an audience. It’s especially gratifying when I can win over skeptics. However, I couldn’t always say the same thing about Q&A after a presentation.

When you present, you’re in control but Q&A puts the control in the hands of the audience. What will they ask? Will I have a good answer? Will I freeze and look like a fool? I guess the same things that paralyze people about speaking were at work on me until my wife Jane made a passing comment one day. She told me her favorite part of my presentations were the questions at the end. She said I always had such good answers and it made me look like more of an authority. A new perspective!

An Unexpected Question

Ever been in a situation where a simple question catches you off guard? It happened to me last week during a training session with leadership consultants. We were deep in discussion about building relationships when someone popped a question that left me stumped, momentarily. They asked for an example of when I had given unexpectedly in a business context. I needed a moment. The answer didn’t come immediately, but the pause was enlightening.

You see, in our lives, we often encounter instances where our actions leave a lasting impact, yet we’re oblivious to their significance in the moment. These instances, I believe, are when we are our most authentic selves. Our actions aren’t driven by a desire for reciprocity; they stem purely from an intention to help.

This got me thinking about how we view influence in our professional lives. In my experience, both as a Cialdini Certified trainer and a lifelong student of persuasive communication, the most profound influence isn’t about tactics or strategies. It’s about principles – ones that become ingrained in who we are and guide our actions, often subconsciously.

Authentic Influence

So, why does this matter? In business, and particularly in sales, the difference between being merely effective and truly influential lies in authenticity. When you internalize the principles of ethical influence, they cease to be something you “do” and become a part of who you “are.”

I’ve learned, through my journey, that the art of influence isn’t about control. It’s about letting go of that need to control every interaction and outcome. I used to fear losing control, not having the right answers. But as I grew more comfortable, I found that not having an immediate answer wasn’t a setback. In fact, it was an opportunity to demonstrate authenticity and authority.

In those moments of uncertainty, our true selves shine through. And in the world of influence, authenticity is your greatest asset. It’s about being present, genuine, and focused on the benefit of others, not just the outcomes you seek. Aristotle put it best when he said, “Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.”

An Invitation

So, here’s my invitation to you: As you navigate the complexities of your professional relationships, think about how you can transform your approach to influence. Move away from seeing it as a tool for persuasion and start viewing it as an opportunity for genuine connection and mutual growth.

Remember, the most impactful influencers are those who don’t just “do” influence; they “live” it. Their actions are not a calculated strategy but a natural extension of their authentic selves.

So, I was asked a question I couldn’t answer…immediately, but it wasn’t a fearful thing as it had been in the past. It was good because of how it developed my thinking and how it’s hopefully benefitting you now.

Your Experiences

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. Have you ever found yourself influencing more effectively when you’re simply being you, rather than trying to follow a script? I look forward to seeing your stories.

Edited with ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!