Tag Archive for: Influence PEOPLE

How Are You Doing? It’s Relative.

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Not too long ago I got a medical bill and was shocked by how large it was. As I thought about paying it I had the feeling many of you might have had in the past – it seems like I can never get ahead.
Sleeping on it didn’t help because it was top of mind when I went for my run early the next morning. Running is good for me because it allows me to clear my thoughts and gain perspective.  As I considered the medical bill the Oklahoma tornado tragedy came to mind. All of a sudden my “problem” paled in comparison to those who lost loved ones and the thousands who lost homes and possessions.
Please don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think of the Oklahoma tragedy to make myself feel better but the reality is this; no matter how good or bad we have it, someone else has it better or worse. How we’re doing depends almost entirely on what and who we compare ourselves to.
During the Principles of Persuasion workshop I talk about something called the contrast phenomenon which tells us how we experience something is directly related to what we compare it to. For example, saving $5 on a $10 item makes feel pretty good but saving $5 on a $100 item doesn’t have nearly the same effect. It’s the same $5 but how we view it is relative to something else.
Much of life is spent making comparisons:
  • How much we make
  • The house we live in
  • The car we drive

This can lead to a lot of problems and a good amount of discontent because there’s always someone who makes more, has a nicer home or car, a better looking spouse, smarter kids, etc.

My faith teaches that comparing ourselves to one another is foolish because we’re comparing to the wrong thing. If God is the standard then on one hand we’d all fall short no matter how “good” we are. Fortunately God doesn’t ask us to measure ourselves by His perfection but rather by His love. When it comes to that, He is clear – we can’t earn it and there’s nothing we’ll ever do that will make Him love us more or less.
Personally I find this freeing. No matter how productive I am today, or unproductive, no matter how well or poorly I do, nothing changes His standard. For me it means pursing whatever I do not for the accolades, money or some other external reason but rather for the enjoyment it brings me and the opportunity to help others.
So here’s my advice the next time you’re feeling blue; take a moment to explore why and ask yourself if perhaps the state you’re in has to do with comparing who you are or where you are in life to some arbitrary target. If that’s what you’re doing, then you can change the frame of reference just like I did during my morning run. The bill remains the same but I’m in a much better frame of mind and that’s priceless.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

When a Sale isn’t a Sale

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Do you enjoy getting a good deal? I know I do
and so do most consumers. The reality is, very seldom do we know if we’re
getting a good deal because “the deal” is always relative. For example, a $300
smart phone is a good deal when you realize the normal price is $600. In other
words, when you think you’re saving money you believe you’re getting a good
deal and that’s extra enticement when it comes to the purchasing decision.
How would you feel if you were told you were
saving 50% off of the original $300 price of luggage only to find out you saved
nothing? I know I’d be upset because it’s very likely I would have factored in
the “sale” price into my buying decision, consciously or unconsciously.
In a class action lawsuit, a California court recently said
consumers have a right to sue retailers if the price advertised is fake. Kohl’s,
the retailer involved in the suit, says its advertised price was truly a sale
and besides that, “the lawsuit was originally dismissed because a judge ruled
that the customer couldn’t sue because he hadn’t lost money by buying
merchandise that wasn’t as much of a bargain as he thought it was.”
So imagine you have the luggage and it works
as well as you expected, would you still be upset that the “sale” price was
just the price that you’d get anytime you visited the store? Would you feel
manipulated to some degree?
It’s one thing to buy something and then
realize you could have purchased it elsewhere for less – shame on you for not
doing your homework. However, should you have to do your homework to know
whether or not the store is telling you the truth about their “sale”?
In an article titled “Permission Marketing,” in
Fast Company, William C. Taylor
wrote, “This year, the average consumer will see or hear one million marketing
messages – that’s almost 3,000 per day.” Wow! Now here’s a scary thought – that
quote is 15 years old! How much more do you think you’re exposed to with the
explosion of the internet and social media? No one can possibly process it all
and that’s why so much of our decision-making happens at the subconscious
level. In fact, Martin Lindstrom, author of Buyology,
contends that 85% of what we do on a daily basis comes from unconscious
decisions.
One way we wade through the myriad of choices
comes from decision triggers, or reliable bits of information, that guide us
into what we believe are good choices. Seeing “sale” is one such trigger.
Studies show that simply by advertising a “sale” or using some other feature
like a yellow “Everyday Low Price” sticker can sometimes double sales even if the
price hasn’t changed at all.
When I teach people about influence I stress
ethics because I want students to feel good about how they apply their new
knowledge. As people work in small groups to come up with some criteria about
what constitutes an ethical request every group always mentions honesty and
truthfulness. To a person they feel if someone is going to make an ethical
attempt to persuade another individual they have to be telling the truth.
If you consider what I just shared about
decision triggers and how retail sales increase based on using the word “sale,”
do you think it’s deceptive of a store to advertise sale prices when in fact
they’re not any different that the regular prices you can get every day at the
store? In other words, if you shopped at Kohl’s every week and saw the 50% off
luggage, wouldn’t you come to realize the price is just $150 because it was
never sold for $300?
Like it or not, when we see a sale being
advertised it gets us into stores far more than if there was no sale. Once
we’re in the store we buy more so wouldn’t it be nice to know we’re truly
getting the good deal that’s advertised?
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

It Could Never Happen Today or Could It?

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I got a strange birthday present this year
from my daughter Abigail; a book called Hitler Youth by Susan Campbell
Bartoletti. Abigail has been fascinated by what took place around World War II,
particularly the Holocaust, so couple that with her youth pastor recommending the
book along with my interest in psychology, and that’s how she came up with the idea.
The book details how Adolph Hitler and the
Nazis used the young German population to strengthen their cause and implement
their gruesome plans. The indoctrination of the German youth began in the early
1930s and went all the way up through the end of the war.
The children were so brainwashed between
school, the Hitler Youth organization and summer work camps that many had more
loyalty to Hitler and the state than to their own parents. Some children even
turned their parents in to Nazi authorities when they heard them say derogatory
things about Hitler or the Nazis!
For decades people have wondered how any human
being could have witnessed what was going on and not done something. Even
worse, how could anyone have willingly participated in such evil?
It’s easy for us to think the atrocities that
occurred under Hitler could never happen in this day and age because we have social
media and people would take action immediately. Sadly, that’s not the case. The
world was aware of genocide in Rwanda with the nightly news and did little to
stop it until hundred of thousands were slaughtered. More recently we only
need to look at the North Korean regime.
Five decades ago Stanley Milgram, a social
psychologist from Yale, wondered how people could have willingly participated
with the Nazis, so he set out find an answer.
Milgram conducted a series of experiments in
the early 1960s to find out how subjects would respond to an authority figure. The principle of authority tells us people defer to those with expertise and those in positions of power. As you might imagine, most people predicted the average American wouldn’t harm another person, but during a “learning experiment” Milgram found
that two-thirds of his subjects willingly administered a series of 30
progressively stronger shocks to a learning partner. The final shock was 450
volts, enough voltage to kill a person!
During the experiment no threats were used, there
was no prior history with the experimenter to consider, nor was anyone’s career
on the line. What turned these normal people into willing participants in
torture? Believe it or not, all it took was a man in a white lab coat – a
perceived authority – insisting that participants continue with the experiment.
Many protested, some to the point of near emotional breakdown, but two out of
three participants administered all 30 shocks.
Are we much different today than we were in
the early ‘60s? In a much milder form, the Milgram experiment and many other
interesting scenarios such as bullying have been replicated in recent years on the
NBC television show What Would You Do?
Various studies show most people believe
themselves to be better looking than the average person, and smarter, kinder
and, I bet, more heroic. You probably believe you are and I’ll be honest, I
believe I’m all those things too. Because of our high self-esteem we’d like to
believe we would have immediately done the right thing if we’d been in Nazi
Germany or someplace else where we witnessed something horrific. But the odds
are against us, because human nature hasn’t changed much during the past
century.
It’s become commonly documented that all too
often people don’t help one another when they see someone in need and the more
people there are around, the less any one person feels the need to help. This
is sometimes called the “bystander effect” or “diffusion of
responsibility.” If you doubt this consider, Catherine Susan “Kitty”Genovese, the woman who was stabbed to death in New York City in 1964 in full
view, or within earshot, of many people who did nothing to help her.
So what can you and I do? On a personal level,
having just read this you’re probably thinking, “I’d never do that” and that’s
a good first step. The principle of consistency tells us people want their
words and deeds to match. By telling ourselves we wouldn’t do such a thing
we’re raising our awareness that should something like that occur we’re more
likely to recognize it and take appropriate action.
Something that strengthens our resolve when it
comes to consistency is to make a public commitment. The more public we are
about our views on right and wrong, good and bad, and what we’d do, the more
likely we are to follow through on those actions.
Here’s the good news – quite often other
people know the right thing to do but are afraid to act. However, when one
courageous person takes a stand it emboldens others and before you know it you
can have a movement of good against evil. And the sooner we act, the easier it
will be to stamp out something before it seems too big, too imposing to deal
with.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

How is Cool Influenced?

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I read an article questioning whether or not
Apple had lost, or is losing, its cool. Why should Apple be any less cool than
it was several years ago? After all, it’s the most valuable company in the
world at the moment. Is it because Steve Jobs and his dynamic, rebel
personality are gone? I’m not so sure about that because as an Apple user I
think the company’s products are fantastic and I’d imagine long time users
would say the products are better than ever.

As I started to ponder “cool,” it brought to
mind an episode from The Office in
which Michael Scott was trying to plan a celebration of his 15-year anniversary
with Dunder-Mifflin. To do this he enlisted the help of Jim, Pam and Dwight. At
one point during the brainstorming session Jim said of Dwight’s idea, “Now
you’re trying too hard and that’s just not cool.” Dwight responded, “Then I
guess I just don’t know what cool is.”
This begs the question, “What is cool?” I’m
dating myself with this reference but for those who grew up in the ‘70s one of
the icons of cool was Fonzie from the television show Happy Days. Fonzie was cool because he was so different from
Richie, Potsy, Ralph and the rest of the cast. Part of Apple being cool is that
it’s always been different than its competition. The tough part about that in
business is you never stay different for long.
Samsung’s Galaxy phone has many of the same
features the iPhone has and it has some things you can’t get with the iPhone
like the bigger screen. Marketing the bigger screen taps into the principle of scarcity. This principle of influence tells us people value things and want
them more when they’re less available, unique or different.
I believe scarcity goes to the heart of cool.
Fonzie was cool because he was different, a one of a kind. Part of the cool
factor for Apple is how it stays ahead of the curve with technology and usually
offers you something, or a package of things, you can’t get elsewhere.
Consider this question. If everyone had
dressed like Fonzie in Happy Days would
we have seen him as being so cool? Probably not. If everyone has an iPhone do
you think people will view it as being quite as cool as years ago? Probably not,
even if the technology is better.
Like beauty, cool is also relative. A
beautiful woman will not stand out as much when every woman is beautiful. If
you doubt that consider beauty pageants where every woman is a knockout but most
contestants quickly fad into the background as the pageant progresses. However,
those same women in your office, at the mall, or on the street would turn heads
because in those environments they’d stand out compared to the population in
general. That’s scarcity again, along with the compare and contrast phenomenon.
Much of cool’s scarcity comes in based on what
it’s compared to. Kids think they’re cool compared to their parents but within
the group of teens at school some of those same kids may not be considered cool
at all.
Ever notice how celebrities continually
reinvent themselves? Think Madonna, the queen of reinvention! Part of the
reason celebrities change so much is because their cool factor wears off as their
looks and character traits become more commonplace.
So how do you use this to be more influential?
Two areas to consider are you as an individual and your company.
When it comes to you on a personal level what
makes you unique compared to your peers and competition? I’ve seen people whose
signature is a bow tie and others who always wear colored shirts. Both stand
out in the world of dark suits, white shirts and regular ties. Remember, cool
is up to you to make. Being a “nerd” became cool after Revenge of the Nerds hit movie screens. All of a sudden being
really smart was cool if you could use that in ways to benefit others.
When it comes to promoting your company what
makes it stand apart from the competition? Does your business card look like
everyone else’s? Boring! Remember, if you do everything like the competition
then nothing stands out and you get no cool factor. In recent years many
insurance companies have gone from boring and bland to  much cooler through humorous ads. No longer do
people think of them as giant companies run by a bunch of grey–haired, middle-aged
men. They have a much younger, hip feel based on their ads now.
Whether it’s you personally or your company it
comes down to this; take time to consider your uniqueness. Can you combine that
with your strengths and passion to stand apart from your peers? If you can
leverage that you’ll gain some cool and probably more customers because
everyone loves cool.

Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

New Survey on Decision Making

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Several years ago I asked readers to participate in a survey to give some insight into what influences decisions based on personality type. The goal was twofold: to help people understand themselves better based on their personality type and more importantly, how best to influence others when you have a handle on their personality type.

The questions in that survey were a mix of business and personal scenarios. Many people felt they answered the questions differently depending on the setting presented – work or personal – so I’ve decided to do a new survey with a focus solely on business situations.

Would you like to participate in this new survey?It’s only 11 questions so it should take no more than two to three minutes so click here and take the survey. Look for a series of blog posts beginning sometime in June where I’ll share the results.Thanks, I appreciate your willingness to help!

Brian

Brian Ahearn, CMCT®
influencePEOPLE 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Influence PEOPLE – What’s Coming in 2013

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As we get ready to start another new year I want to take a moment to thank all of you who subscribe to Influence PEOPLE and those who click in occasionally to read the latest blog posts. I’d like to let you know what you can expect in 2013.
Of course, I’ll continue with weekly blog posts to help you learn how to ethically use influence so you can enjoy more professional success and personal happiness. New articles will come out every Monday at 5:30 PM EST. If you subscribe via email you’ll get notification every Tuesday around 9 AM EST.
The first Monday of each month will be dedicated to the Influencers from Around the World series. Once again you’ll get to hear from Sean Patrick (Ireland), Yago de Marta (Spain), Marco Germani (Italy), Hoh Kim (South Korea) and Anthony McLean (Australia). This is an opportunity for you to learn how persuasion is used in different parts of the world and in different cultures.
If you’re on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter look for weekly updates multiple times throughout the week. When new blog posts come out I’ll be sure to let you know Monday evening as well as Tuesday, Thursday and Friday mornings.
For those who are newer followers of Influence PEOPLE, every Wednesday at noon there will be Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter updates with links to an older blog post. As NBC used to say, “If you haven’t seen it before then it’s new to you.”

In addition to the blog posts I’ll be doing something new next year. Every Monday at noon EST I’ll post an influence tip on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. These short snippets are designed to give you something you can use right away to be more persuasive.

Finally, one of my bigger goals for the year is to get some short, 2-3 minute video clips online to share “in person” ways you can use influence in everyday life.
Again, thanks for taking time to read and follow Influence PEOPLE. Of course, feel free to pass this along to others who you think would benefit from learning more about the ethical application of influence at work or in their personal life.

Happy New Years!

Brian, CMCT® 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Tis the Season to Reciprocate

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Here in the U.S. and across much of the world, it’s the holiday season and for most people the biggest holiday of them all is Christmas. Some celebrate Christmas as the season of joy and peace.  For others it is the season of love and for many more it’s the celebration of the birth of Jesus.
A huge part of celebrating Christmas is Santa Claus, Christmas trees and holiday music. In some stores Christmas music started around Halloween! Of course, the holiday season represents the bulk of sales for many stores, sometimes accounting for as much as 70% of their annual sales.  Sales success during the holiday season is a matter of economic survival for some stores.
All of this leads to another Christmas tradition – gift giving. The television show The Big Bang Theory had an excellent skit on the exchange of gifts, where Sheldon feels pressure because Penny got him a Christmas present. Here’s some of their exchange.

Sheldon: You bought me a present?

Penny: Yes.

Sheldon: Why would you do such a thing?

Penny: I don’t know, because it’s Christmas.

Sheldon: No Penny, I know you’re thinking you’re being generous but the foundation of gift giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift, you’ve given me an obligation.

Penny: Honey, it’s okay, you don’t have to give me anything in return.

Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as the gift you’ve give me. Gosh, no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.

It’s a very funny scene so if you’d like to watch the clip on YouTube, click here. The skit does hit the rule of reciprocity fairly well. This principle of influence tells us people feel obligated to give back to those who have first given to us. We also feel we should respond in kind so Sheldon was responding to a lifetime of conditioning when he felt like he had to match Penny’s gift.
We also see reciprocity at work in another of the Christmas traditions – exchanging holiday cards. Have you ever gotten a Christmas card in the mail from someone not on your list? How did you feel? I bet the majority of you reading this would respond in one of two ways:
  1. Get a card in the mail to the other person right away, or
  2. Add the person to your mailing list for next year.
Why do we respond this way? Because we’d feel socially awkward around the other person if we didn’t get them a card or gift and they took note of that.
We are so conditioned by reciprocity that we even respond when we don’t really want to. Here are some examples:
  • You’re at the mall and someone from a kiosk shoves something in your face and begins asking you questions. You respond – even though you’re rather they not do that – saying, “No thanks” when in reality you’re not thankful.
  • You get mailing labels in the mail and you respond to these “gifts” by sending the charitable organization money.
  • You’re out for drinks with friends and have had enough and are ready to go home but you stick around to buy one more round because you don’t want to be seen as having several drinks and not paying for a round yourself.

But there’s good news in all this. Sheldon wasn’t 100% accurate in the skit. He said suicide rates skyrocket this time of year and that’s not true. According the NYU Lagone Medical Center, “The media often links suicides during this time of year to the ‘holiday blues.’ However, various studies have shown no relationship between depression and suicide, and the holiday season. In fact, researchers found that depression rates and suicides actually drop during the winter months and peak in the spring.”

So while it may be the season to reciprocate, don’t buy gifts and send cards this time of year under penalty of death. However, beware, you might feel awkward around some people if you break the rule of reciprocity but that feeling will pass eventually.
Brian, CMCT®
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Knowing Your Audience is a Key to Persuasion

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In late October, I was in Arizona to address the Arizona School Administrators on the science of influence. Jane and I went out early to enjoy the weekend in Scottsdale and spend time with friends. During our stay we had the good fortune to share lunch with Robert Cialdini, PhD., and his wife. The morning we were to dine, while on the treadmill, I pondered what we might talk about and what gem I might take away from our time together. In the midst of that run I came up with my own gem.
Understanding the science of influence isn’t a magic wand and it’s certainly no guarantee you’ll get everyone to do what you want. There are still plenty of times when I don’t get the response I want and even the master himself, Dr. Cialdini, doesn’t always get what he wants.
As the treadmill sped under my feet and my mind raced along I thought about a story Dr. Cialdini shares quite often when he speaks. Many years ago he was a member of a gym and one day he happened to lock his keys and wallet in the trunk of his car upon arriving at the gym. He asked Paul, the guy folding towels behind the front desk, if he could use the gym’s phone and was promptly told no. He persisted, explaining his situation and reminding Paul he’d been a member of the gym for years and that surely Paul recognized him. Paul didn’t budge from his original answer because of a bad experience with another member who abused the phone privilege the week before. Dr. Cialdini announced, “You’ve just lost a customer,” and walked out. Despite his best effort he was no better off and had to panhandle a quarter in order to call someone to come help him out.
A couple of principles of influence were at play in the conversation – liking and scarcity. Liking was at work because of Dr. Cialdini’s and Paul’s familiarity with each other. The connection obviously wasn’t strong enough because it didn’t persuade Paul to let him use the phone.
Scarcity was at play because Dr. Cialdini let Paul know he stood to lose something, a long-term customer. This didn’t move Paul either because he still didn’t allow him to use the phone.
As I thought about this it took me back to my day job – sales training with State Auto Insurance. In sales we place a lot of emphasis on knowing your customer because they’re not all alike and different things motivate different people. For example, at independent insurance agencies, a field rep wouldn’t want to talk about winning trips and earning a bonus to customer service reps because they usually don’t get to enjoy those awards. In fact, talking about those things can cause resentment. Understanding what motivates the CSRs then tailoring communications using the principles of influence will be far more effective.
Back to Dr. Cialdini and Paul. It’s my guess that Paul was probably a minimum wage guy and wasn’t about to possibly get in trouble by allowing anyone to use the phone after getting an earful from his boss the week before. Dr. Cialdini, likely caught up in the emotion of the moment, announced the gym would lose a customer but even that didn’t matter to Paul because it’s doubtful his pay was tied to customer retention. He was paid to follow the rules and guidelines.
So what could Dr. Cialdini have done differently? Setting emotions aside and understanding his audience might have changed his actions. Perhaps there was nothing that was going to get Paul to change on the phone issue but recognizing Dr. Cialdini as a gym member he could have allowed him inside where Dr. Cialdini might have used someone’s cell phone or borrowed a quarter from a familiar face. Either option would have been better than panhandling strangers to get the needed quarter.
I first heard this story many years ago and I’m not sure why it came to the surface at this time but whatever the reason, we should all be encouraged. Even the master fails sometimes so we should never let failure deter us. The right response should be to learn from the situation and resolve to try a different approach the next time. Do so and soon you’ll find yourself successfully persuading more often than not and that will lead to more professional success and personal happiness.
Brian, CMCT® 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Does Your Audience Know You’re an Authority?

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Earlier this year I spoke at The Ohio State University to a few dozen business coaches where I shared some insight on
Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence and their application to the coaching process.
In this short video I briefly explore the principle of authority, which tells us people look to those with superior knowledge and expertise when they’re not 100% certain about what they should do. When you want to persuade people having them know something about your expertise up front can sometimes make all the difference.

If you’re viewing this post by email click here for the video.

Are you looking for a keynote speaker, training, or consulting on how to apply scientifically proven principles of
influence to your sales, marketing, management or leadership? If so, reach out to me (BFA654@gmail.com or 614.313.1663) and we’ll talk about your specific needs.

Brian, CMCT 
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

PEOPLE – What is Ethical Persuasion?

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Influence PEOPLE – Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. Can we persuade others in an ethical manner? My nephew Max asked me about that a while ago and that prompted this series of posts on PEOPLE. We’ll explore the ethics of influence this week in the last article of this series.

Interestingly enough I first made contact with Dr. Cialdini because of ethics. Stanford University had come out with a new marketing piece advertising his best selling video on the principles of influence and the headline read, “Call it influence, persuasion, even manipulation…” I emailed Stanford and told them since no one wants to be manipulated and no one wants to be known as a manipulator that word could not be helping sales. Shortly after my email I received a call from Dr. Cialdini’s office thanking me and letting me know Stanford was changing their marketing of the video.
Manipulation isn’t bad when we use it to refer to things like a carpenter manipulating the wood he’s working with. However, when it comes to people the connotation is always negative because it implies shrewd and unfair dealings. As I noted above, people don’t want to be manipulated and no one with an ounce of integrity would want to earn the title manipulator.
I do believe we can ethically persuade others and influence them in non-manipulative ways. College courses are taught on ethics and books are written on the subject so no doubt some of you might have questions after reading this short post. I encourage you to leave comments and I will do my best to respond.
My challenge as someone who teaches others about sales and persuasion is to distill the question of ethics into something quick and easy so it can be used in real world situations. All too often we don’t have time to consider every aspect of ethics nor do we have time to debate hypothetical situations.
Having shared that, I believe we can be ethical in our attempts to persuade others in everyday situations if we’re doing two simple things. First, we have to be honest and forthright in what we share. Sharing untruths and half-truths to get your way won’t cut it, especially if the person you’re attempting to persuade questions your integrity because of your presentation of the facts.
Second, we should always consider the well being of the other person we are trying to influence. Is what we want them to do really in their best interests as well as ours? This goes to the heart of what Stephen Covey called a “win-win” outcome. If we believe what we’re asking them to do will benefit them and not just ourselves we can usually feel good about proceeding with our attempt to persuade.
A couple of questions might come to mind with what I just wrote. First has to do with the facts. As I shared in an earlier post on politics, people will present information in a way that best highlights their case. Was the state income tax increase from 3% to 5% a 2-point increase or a 66% increase? It’s factual to say either. One side says 66% to arouse emotion to persuade people to vote against the tax increase while the other side emphasizes it will only cost voters two percent of their income. I don’t think either side is being unethical but each has an agenda so we need to be aware of all the facts so we can make the most informed decision.
The question my nephew raised had to do with whether or not the person persuading truly knows what’s best for the other individual or group. I don’t think anyone always knows what’s best for other people. As the father of a teenager I’m attempting to influence Abigail all the time. I believe I know what’s best for her but as she grows up and continues to develop her own ideas, views and interests it may not always be the case that I know best. I don’t think that negates my good intentions because I do believe what I ask of her is in her best interests.
Sales can be very much the same. Is my company’s insurance right for everyone? No, but assuming agents who represent us have prequalified potential customers – they should assess their needs and match them to the best company(s) – they should feel confident when they decide to present State Auto as a solution. The potential customer will make the final decision because they will know best what they need. The role of the agent is to inform them and make a recommendation as the expert.
What I find manipulative is when someone presents information in a manner to influence other’s thoughts and behavior when they know revealing the larger context would change people’s opinion. For example, early on in the presidential campaign Republicans showed a video clip of President Obama and chided him for certain statements. What most people didn’t know was the clip was edited to manipulate people’s thinking because in actuality President Obama was quoting Senator John McCain’s words from the prior election. When asked if this was right, former RNC Chairman Richard Steele said there was nothing wrong with it! Sorry, but I think that’s sleazy politics.
Having shared that I’ll say the Democrats did something similar when they hammered former Governor Romney when he said he was willing to let the auto industry go bankrupt, as if the doors would close, everyone would lose their jobs and we’d no longer make cars in the United States. That wasn’t the whole truth because they conveniently left out the larger context. Romney wanted the automakers to declare bankruptcy to get out from under certain debts and reorganize as many large corporations have done over the years. That’s a very different picture than doors closed and assembly lines stopped.
Obviously this is a deep subject, much too deep for a short blog post. However, I hope it’s prompted your thinking about the subject. In closing my encouragement would be twofold:
  1. Do your homework so you know what you’re asking someone is truly good for them as well as you. Make it a win-win to the best of your ability.
  2. Make sure you’re honest in your communication and if context is needed then supply it.
I believe if you do these two things you’ll be able to look yourself in the mirror and sleep well at night. A side benefit is the trust you’ll gain will make it easier for you to work with and persuade others down the road because you’ll be building a good reputation.
Brian, CMCT
influencepeople 
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.