Three Years Later – Thank You

/0 Comments/by

Three years ago, I wrote the blog post below after leaving corporate America. It was scary but then, most things worth pursuing come with some risk.

With my third year coming to a close, as I look at where I am personally and professionally, I’m where I’d hope to be when I first set out. What makes it more gratifying is doing it during a worldwide pandemic. Talk about a monkey wrench being thrown into your plans!

As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to give THANKS again.

I’m THANKFUL to God because, had I known a pandemic was coming I don’t think I would have had the confidence to step into the unknown. Faith is taking steps into the unknown and trusting. He never disappoints.

I’m THANKFUL for my wife Jane for all her love and support. Doing this is so much easier when someone believes in you. She is pictured below with our daughter Abigail.

THANKS to Barbara Grassey for helping to bring my books to market, to Michael Franzese for his creative help with my books and branding, to Katlynn Henry for her creativity developing many of my marketing materials.

THANKS to all of you who bought my books, read my posts, had me on your podcasts, who’ve hired me, and for those who’ve said a prayer or two for me along the way.

I’m THANKFUL for and appreciate all of you.

The First Day of My New Career and the Rest of My Life

Today is the day – the first day of my new career and the rest of my life!! In September I announced a huge change was coming and it’s finally here. After 28 ½ years I’ve left State Auto Insurance to pursue Influence PEOPLE as my fulltime endeavor.

When I decided to make this move back in September my feelings were primarily a mixture of fear and excitement. As each day passed and I began to see the future more clearly the fear subsided, and my excitement grew. While there are no guarantees in life all I see is opportunity ahead.

One thing that’s really stood out with my career change is this – if you truly come to like and enjoy the people you support (principle of liking) and do whatever you can to help others (principle of reciprocity) you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how many people will want to help you before you even ask.

Not only is this a career change, but it’s also a life change. I told my wife I’m going to look at everything I do – when I get up, how I work out, where I do my work, when I work and so on – and see what changes I want to make. I feel like I’ve moved into a new house and the opportunities to make it my dream home are endless.

With Thanksgiving soon upon us this is a good time to give several big THANK YOUS.

To all the State Auto employees, former employees, and agents who have reached out to ask how they can help me – THANK YOU! Your willingness to support me gives more even more confidence that I’ve made the right decision.

To my friends at INFLUENCE AT WORK – Bob, Greg, Bobette, Cara, Eily and Jandy – THANK YOU for your support and encouragement.

To all of you who’ve been loyal readers of Influence PEOPLE over the years – THANK YOU! When I started blogging nearly 10 years ago, I never imagined I would gain a following across the country and around the world. You also give me confidence in the choice I’ve made.

One last time – THANK YOU!

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His next book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

The Influencer – A Final Sneak Peek

/0 Comments/by

My third book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is on track for a December release, available in paperback and Kindle just in time for Christmas! I’ve been working with my book coach, Barbara Grassey, to pull together all of the final details. Writing is easy for me, but all the steps necessary to get the book into the final format and available for sale, that’s where I need help. If you think you have a book in you, contact Barbara!

As I’ve noted before, the book is a business parable, following the life of John Andrews, an ordinary young man born into a typical American middle class family. While there’s nothing extraordinary about John, his upbringing, or education, he becomes an extraordinary influencer because of what he learns from peers, coaches, clients, and mentors along the journey of life. The good news is, all that John learns, and implements, is available for each of us.

I hope you enjoy this final sneak peek chapter before the book is available next month.

Delayed Flights

John’s relationship with Abigail was getting more serious. She was excited for him as he prepared to take over for Duane. Before his first solo trip she took him to dinner to celebrate and surprised John by inviting her parents to join them. She wanted to make it a special night for him.

They met at Pasquale’s, a small, family owned, Italian restaurant in a trendy neighborhood on the outskirts of Dallas. It looked like a hole in the wall but had a reputation as having the best lasagna and pizza in the metro area. 

Abigail’s father was a marketing manager for a large publishing company and knew taking ownership of sales for an entire region was a big career step. After his toast and well wishes they had a delightful evening.

It was Monday morning and John arrived at the airport a few hours before his scheduled flight to Phoenix. He had a late afternoon meeting planned then dinner with another client. Shortly after arriving he began to notice flight delays popping up on the board. Apparently there were storms in the midwest that were delaying flights out of St. Louis, Chicago, Detroit, and other major airports. Before long he saw his flight was delayed by two hours. That meant no afternoon meeting and, if it were delayed any further, dinner would have to be scrapped. Unfortunately he would not be able to reschedule either appointment because the next three days were packed with client meetings and dinners.

He decided he should see what options were available so he got in line at the ticket counter. He’d not been flying long enough to feel the frustration that frequent travelers were experiencing so he was a bit surprised by many reactions. The majority of travelers let their frustration get the best of them and they became very demanding with the airline employees. “You don’t understand. I have to be there by 2:00 p.m.!” one traveler practically shouted. 

John felt bad for the airline employees because he rightly understood the weather was out of their control. By the time he got to the counter customer service reps were noticeably frustrated and it was seeping out towards the travelers. Everyone was on edge so he paused and thought about what he could do. He recalled Ben’s sage advice, “Like the people you meet. Everyone has some good in them. Find the good and pay a genuine compliment.”

He asked Colleen, the ticketing agent, “I don’t travel too much. Does this happen often?” 

She was taken back by the question and said, “Doesn’t matter how often it happens. Whenever it does, it ruins everyone’s day.”

“Sorry to hear that. I’ve been watching the interactions and feel bad for all of you. I know you can’t control the weather and you’re doing the best you can,” he said in an empathetic tone.

Colleen looked him in the eye and said, “Thank you. I really appreciate that. I wish more travelers would acknowledge what you just shared. How can I help you?”

“I’m scheduled to go to Phoenix in a couple of hours. I have an afternoon meeting and dinner. If I make them that would be great, but if not, I’m sure my clients will understand. What are my options?” John asked.

Feeling less stressed and able to think more clearly, Colleen began looking for options. She didn’t mind doing a little extra work for kind people. “Mr. Andrews, I appreciate your understanding of the situation. I see we have an open seat on a flight that leaves in 30 minutes. I can get you on that flight but your checked bag won’t make it to Phoenix till late afternoon or early evening. If you’re okay with that I can make the switch.”

“That would be awesome. I can do without the bag if I can make my client meetings. Thank you so much!” he said to her.

Colleen smiled, feeling good about making a customer happy in the midst of all the chaos. As she worked on changing the reservation and printing the ticket she asked John, “Do you go to Phoenix much?”

“With my job I’ll be going there at least once a month,” he said.

“Tell you what; I’m usually at this gate most days. If you need any travel help, come find me and I’ll take care of you,” she told him.

“Thanks Colleen. It will be nice to see a friendly face when I come to the airport,” he said as he grabbed his ticket and headed to his new departure gate. 

Here were more valuable lessons: Don’t react to situations, make the choice to respond. He recognized reacting based on emotion, as most passengers were doing, usually inflamed stressful situations and worked against them. Matching negative emotions in stressful situations was like pouring gas on a fire hoping to put it out. 

“Look for the good and pay a genuine compliment if you want to make a friend,” went from good advice to a practical reality because he made a new friend with Colleen, someone who would prove to be very helpful in the near future. He decided to take the compliment a step further and sent an email to the airlines to let them know what a good job Colleen had done during a stressful situation. While he was still in Phoenix he received an email from the airline in reply to his note:

Dear Mr. Andrews,

We value your business and appreciate that you took time to tell us about your experience with Colleen a few days ago. We strive to provide the kind of service that will keep customers happy and wanting to fly with us. 

It’s apparent Colleen did just that. When we learn about employees who delight customers we make sure to recognize them. In Colleen’s case we shared the email you wrote and will reward her with an extra day off with pay.

Again, thank you for taking the time to recognize Colleen. It meant a lot to her and to us.

Sincerely,

Kim Floyd

Vice President, Customer Service

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

Make Your Next Presentation Your Best Ever

/0 Comments/by

Over the last couple of months, I’ve given nearly a dozen keynote and breakout presentations. It’s been great to be back in the saddle, especially with the in-person events.

Almost without exception, each time I do a presentation I feel it was the best I’ve ever given. I also believe this; each one going forward will be even better. I believe that because I love what I do, I know what I share will help people professionally and personally, and I enjoy the anticipation and preparation that comes with big events.

I’d like to give you three areas of focus that will help make your next presentation your best ever.  

Know Your Stuff

This is a given. After all, why would anyone ask you to share with an audience if you didn’t have some perceived expertise? It’s not enough to know it in your head. You need to know your material so deeply that it flows from you.  

Your knowledge needs to go beyond what anyone can see on the screen, read in a book, or look up online. Knowing your stuff means mixing it together with your experience and views so it comes across in a unique way.

Finally, you should convey passion for whatever you’re sharing. The more people experience your passion, the more likely they are to believe you and take whatever action you’re calling them to.

Practice Your Butt Off

The difference maker is how you present what you know. That’s an important aspect of being able to influence people. Make no mistake about it, presenting in front of an audience is a skill, which means it can be learned, practiced, and perfected.

Once you know the time you’ve been given, cut it down by 5-7 minutes. You want to do this in case you don’t start on time, and it allows for your third-party introduction. This means you should be able to finish your 60-minute presentation in 53-55 minutes. If everything starts on time, great because you’ll have a few extra minutes of breathing room!

Practice isn’t memorization, it’s knowing your material so deeply that you can pivot in the moment if need be. It entails every aspect, such as when you’ll pause for the maximum impact on your audience. 

A great resource for learning more about this is Carmine Gallo’s book The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs.

Use Stunning Visuals

It cannot be overstated how important your visuals are to drive home the key points in your presentation! Visuals include pictures, video, and text. 

People think in pictures so having the right graphics throughout your presentation can enhance your stories and make your points stick. For example, when I share a story about the zoo, I have a beautiful picture of a lion. 

Video can be quite effective too. When I share a golf story, I show a short video of my wife teeing off at St. Andrews, the birthplace of golf. The video is superimposed into a television set, so she looks like she’s playing in a golf tournament on tv. 

You can use text if you do it the right way. No bullet points or sentences! When it comes to remembering key points, I often have a word or two in 96-point font on a black background, or some color other than white, to make it pop. 

My favorite resource for creating stunning visuals is Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds.

Conclusion

When you have an opportunity to present, never forget; you are as important as the material you’re presenting. It won’t matter the material or message if you fail to deliver it in a compelling way.

If you want to make your next presentation your best ever, focus on knowing your stuff, practice your butt off, and support everything with stunning visuals. 

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His newest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

/0 Comments/by

“Should I Stay or Should I Go” is a classic punk rock song by The Clash from the early 1980s. The song is more than 40 years old now, but the following section had me reflecting on our current culture:

Should I stay or should I go now?

Should I stay or should I go now?

If I go there will be trouble

And if I stay it will be double

So come on and let me know

The singer laments being in a no-win situation in a relationship. It doesn’t matter what he does, there’s going to be trouble and the only question is, how much? The same could be said of the angst we have around conversation today and the freedom to express opinions. 

Modern Version

It’s often said now that words are violence. We’re also told silence is violence. With that in mind, if The Clash wrote their song today, it might go something like this:

Should I speak up or should I shut up?

Should I speak up or should I shut up?

If I speak up there will be trouble

And if I shut up it will be double

So come on and let me know

Founding Principle

One of the founding principles of this country was freedom: freedom of religion, freedom of expression, and freedom of speech. You and I may not like what someone has to say but constitutionally (with limited exceptions) they have a right to express what they think, feel, or believe. Except in cases of explicit threats of violence, individuals expressing what they believe is not violence, no matter how abhorrent you or I may find another’s beliefs. 

If expressing a different view can be deemed violence, but not speaking up is also violence, then it seems as though the only acceptable alternative that’s left, according to some people, is to agree with them. 

Sorry, but I’m not buying into the binary choice – agree with me and you’re good, don’t agree with me and you’re bad. That’s not truth.

We’ll Never Agree on Everything

The real world works like this; we’ll never all agree on everything and some people won’t agree on anything. Take your pick: politics, direction of our country, black lives matter, trans issues, religion, abortion, and the list goes on and on.  

If we limit those with whom we disagree what might that do for our future? Suppose those who believed the world was flat prevented Columbus and others from exploring? What if slave owners had been able to suppress the views of abolitionists? Where would we be if our government had silenced Vietnam war protesters? None of those would have been good. 

There are views each of us holds today that might be deemed abhorrent to future generations. It won’t matter the times we lived in, the law of the land, our best intentions, or any good things we might have done. Take your pick here too: protests for justice that turn violent, storming the capitol in the name of freedom, cancel culture for things said or done decades ago. None of us has a corner on truth, justice, or the American way…not even Superman any longer.

Conclusion

Rather than trying to silence people you disagree with, win the day by convincing them of your position. Or better yet, do what you can to understand them. No matter how good or right you believe your position to be, not everyone will agree. We can’t eradicate the common cold so why would you think we can do away with people who don’t think and believe as you or I do? Like the common cold, and possibly Covid, we have to learn to live with people with whom we disagree.

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His next book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end. 

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

Is Anything Ever Really Lost?

/1 Comment/by

I recently listened to Adam Grant interview Allyson Felix on his Work Life podcast. Allyson is the most decorated American Olympic track & field athlete of all time – male or female. She participated in five Olympic games starting at age 18 in 2004 and competed for the final time in 2021 at the age of 35. To put that in perspective, she’s been an Olympian half of her life. Remarkable!

Disappointment

Allyson talked about the disappointment of getting the silver medal at the 2008 games in London. She’d won silver in 2004 in Athens, was the favorite in 2008 in Beijing, but came in second again, losing to the same person as four years earlier.

She now looks back on that loss as the single most defining moment of her career. She said it prepared her for success because of what she learned from the experience. Specifically, the loss caused her to focus on what she might do better in ways she might not have if she’d won gold.

Energy

As I listened to her story and growth as a result, it reminded me of energy. The law of conservation of energy states: energy cannot be created or destroyed, only converted from one form of energy to another. Winning and losing are forms of energy because each outcome generates feelings. How we convert those feelings – that energy – can determine future outcomes. 

While energy cannot be destroyed, it can be lost. For example, the engine of a car doesn’t perfectly convert gasoline into energy to run the car. One way we see that is the release of exhaust from the tailpipe. If the energy from gasoline was used perfectly it would all go into the motion of the car resulting in more miles per gallon. 

With that in mind, we can view events in life as energy transference. What you do with that energy will be a big determinant of how your life unfolds. Some people let disappointment discourage or ruin them while others use the same circumstances as a catalyst to forge ahead to great achievements.

Choice

Allyson lost a race in 2008 and could have stopped running. She’d already put in eight years of intense training and would need to put in another four if she wanted to pursue her dream of gold. She could have rationalized that she was getting older and her best years were behind her. After all, she would be 26 years old at the 2012 London games, not exactly young for an Olympian. 

But Allyson made a different choice. She took the lessons from that disappointment in Beijing and converted that energy into a gold medal in 2012. In 2021, at the Tokyo Olympics, she won her 11th medal, bettering the decades old record of 10 by Carl Lewis. In doing so she earned the distinction as the most decorated U.S. track & field Olympian of all time.   

Conclusion

Life will hand you energy in the form of wins and losses, achievements and failures, joy and disappointment. The question for you, for each of us, is what will each of us do with that energy? 

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His next book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

When Civility Goes So Does Conversation

/0 Comments/by

Tesla founder and CEO Elon Musk recently announced his intention to move Tesla’s headquarters from California to Texas. When asked if it had anything to do with an article, “Tesla Moved its HQ to Texas Following Explicit Offer from California Assemblywoman,” his response was, “Exactly.”

Lorena Gonzalez, the assemblywoman in question, tweeted “F*ck Elon Musk,” on May 9, 2020. I doubt the decision to uproot a business as large as Tesla was based solely on a tweet, but the tweet certainly didn’t help. What’s sad is, Musk’s company is helping people who want to combat climate change and Gonzalez is an environmental attorney. Talk about letting your emotions get the best of you and ruining a good thing for your state and constituents! A self-inflicted wound for sure.

Do We Want This?

The bigger issue than the location of Tesla is this; do we really want politicians telling business owners and people they might disagree with to “f*ck off”? It used to be that people in certain positions understood the need to act like adults and show restraint even when others may not.

I understand the emotions that she might have felt. We’ve all felt anger. I’ve been so angry at times that I felt like throttling people on Twitter. In fact, I wrote about that years ago in a post I called “Once Upon A Time – A Good Twitter Lesson.” Someone did something that really made me angry. However, I went against my initial emotional reaction and not only resolved a situation, I made a friend in the process. Believe me, that was far more satisfying than spewing an angry tirade.

Another Example

This issue isn’t limited to one side of the aisle. It was disgraceful when Rep. Ted Yoho (R-Fla) verbally berated Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on the steps of the U.S. Capitol building in July 2020. Yoho, a self-professing Roman Catholic, called her a, “F*cking B*tch.” Fortunately, Yoho is no longer in Congress and cannot claim to represent anyone.

I chose not to respond to either of these situations – Yoho or Gonzalez – on Twitter because, in my opinion, the platform has become too toxic for conversation. However, I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts in this article because we need to start talking about this negative trend. It doesn’t serve anyone well except perhaps those who want to sow discord.

Conclusion

One of my favorite quotes comes from Viktor Frankl, the Nazi concentration survivor, who wrote, “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Another way to look at this comes from Tim Kight, founder of Focus 3. He regularly talks about E+R=O. That is, events plus response equals outcome. We can control events but our response to events can influence outcomes.

Restoring civility and respect starts with each of us. Until we do that we won’t have conversation, only shouting matches.

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His next book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

Will You Listen for a Change?

/0 Comments/by

“Will you listen for a change?” That phrase can be interpreted several ways depending on who it is talking, the tone of voice, the situation, history between the people, etc. In this instance, I don’t mean it in some angry, “You never listen to me,” way. No, my intention is this; sometimes a willingness to listen is what prompts change. 

A Chance Encounter

I was out of town a few weeks ago to speak at a conference. My first night in town I didn’t have any dinner plans, so I decided to sit at the bar, have a meal, enjoy some Scotch, and watch whatever ball game was on the big screen tv. 

There were only two open seats, one on either side of an individual who was near the end of the bar. As I observed the man, I thought he might have a disability based on his movements and speech. To be honest, that made me not want to sit next to him. At that moment I wish Jane or Abigail had been with me. Jane plays golf with a blind friend and Abigail works with the deaf. They are more graceful around people than I am, and I was feeling awkward and unsure.

Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

But I went against my natural tendency, made the decision to step out of my comfort zone and took a seat next to the man. Truthfully, I also felt like God was tapping me on the shoulder and I’ve learned to respond to those promptings. I knew if anything good came out of the situation it certainly wouldn’t be due to anything on my part other than a willingness to be obedient. 

After a few moments I struck up a conversation with the man. He wasn’t disabled, just really, really drunk. We started to talk. He shared, I listened. I asked questions and he did his best to respond. 

Two hours later he was much more sober. I’d learned a great deal about him and why he was in the state he was in. He learned a little about me too. I gave him my card and asked him to stay in touch. He did connect with me on Facebook shortly thereafter.

A Prayer Answered

About a week later, on a morning walk I asked God to have the man reach out to me if He wanted me to communicate with him. Later that day I started getting messages from the man on Facebook. Coincidence? I don’t know where you stand on God and spiritual matters, but I believe it was God prompting him and answering my prayer.

I’ve found whenever I respond to what I believe God is asking of me, the person I interact with benefits. However, just as importantly, I benefit too. My faith grows because I know I’m being used by God to help someone. I cannot describe how that feels but I hope you have felt it or feel it one day. It’s indescribable!

Conclusion

All God wanted was for me to meet that man where he was. No condemnation, I think he’s had enough of that. No advice, I’m sure he’s heard more well-intentioned advice than he can recall. No agenda, he’s not a project, he’s a person. I was called to listen, ask questions to learn more, and to honestly answer his questions. I think each of us is capable of listening, asking, and answering.

I’ll conclude with this; will you listen for a change? You might be surprised at who changes as a result.

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His next book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

 

Quarterly Newsletter

/0 Comments/by

Have you ever been on an airplane that’s just about to land when suddenly the pilot gets on the intercom and says, “We’ll have to circle the airport until further notice because of storms in the area.”? If you’ve ever had that happen after a long flight, when all you want to do is get off the plane, it’s disheartening. Welcome to 2020 + 1. We thought the pandemic was on the wane and now we’re circling the airport until further notice. Ugh! 

Despite the continued turmoil, the third quarter was wonderful for me and the business. An unexpected beach vacation, a full calendar of in person and virtual events, and nearing completion of book #3, consumed my time.

I hope the quarter was just as good for you on a professional and personal level, and that Q4 is even better.  

Sincerely,

Brian

What’s Influence PEOPLE all about?

  •       Why – Help you enjoy more professional success and personal happiness.
  •       How – Teach you the science of ethical influence.
  •       What – Speak, write, train, coach, and consult.
  •       Who – Clients include leaders, salespeople, business coaches, insurance professionals, and attorneys.

Here’s What’s New

Writing

My third book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is almost through the editing process – thank you Nancy Edwards! We’ve nailed down the cover so the next step will be formatting. After that, it’s getting the book ready to push to Amazon and the on-demand publishing house. I find writing is easy now but all the steps needed to turn it into a book can be a challenge. That’s why I’ve turned to my book coach, Barbara Grassey, for help with each book. If you have a business book inside of you…hire her to help you make it a reality. And while you’re at it, I highly recommend Michael Franzese to help with the artwork. He designed my company logo, business cards, and all three book covers. 

Podcasts

I added another eight shows to my podcasting page during the quarter. I’m starting to do more and more around insurance because it’s my primary market. It’s fun to share on those shows because I believe in the insurance industry and what we do to help people. Here are a few shows you might want to check out: 

  • Third time was a charm! Closing the Gap host Chris Cline invited me back on the show after I spoke virtually to agents who represent Westfield Insurance. Chris wanted to go deeper on some principles of influence that I didn’t get to share during my presentation. Check out the episode to learn additional ways insurance agents can ethically influence constituents of all types.    
  • David Saltzman invited me to join him on the ShiftShapers Podcast to discuss insights into how insurance advisors can drive sales and build relationships using the psychology of persuasion. We also touched on persuading different buying personalities and listening skills. You can catch the episode here.
  • Craig Pretzinger and Jason Feltman are insurance agents by day and The Insurance Dudes podcast hosts by night. We got very granular on specific things insurance agencies can do in order to help their customers and sell more effectively. This two-part podcast was a blast. Make sure you catch the opening of the first episode: Part 1 and Part 2.

Best of…

My old boss John Petrucci used to say, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” He’s so wise that I’m still his friend…and he’s not given me a paycheck in almost three years! John’s point applies to learning – if you stop doing things to improve yourself then don’t expect any positive change to take place. Let me give you a few suggestions to help. 

Books

What You Customer Wants And Can’t Tell You by Melina Palmer. Melina host The Brainy Business Podcast and has translated and distilled hundreds of episodes into a fantastic resource for people in sales and marketing. Here’s the testimonial I gave Melina which appears in the front of the book along with other accolades; “Einstein said, ‘Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.’ What Your Customer Wants and Can’t Tell You does just that as Melina Palmer takes a tremendous amount of research from behavioral economics and social psychology and shares it in ways anyone can understand. And, she does so without losing the nuances you need to know if you want to get it right. Most importantly, Melina gives real world application and additional references for readers who want to dive deeper into the topic. This book, and her Brainy Business Podcast, are resources you don’t want to overlook if you want to become more persuasive.” 

Podcasts

Honestly with Bari Weiss is one of my new favorite shows. Bari is definitely liberal but not liberal enough for the New York Times. She left the newspaper because she didn’t like the ultra progressive direction the paper was heading. Her show explores all sorts of controversial topics and she looks to get to the truth, no matter where it takes her, and no matter how controversial the findings may be. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how she tackles issues.

Intangibles is hosted by Steve Berg. The show has a variety of guest who discuss traits, behaviors, and qualities that entrepreneurs can cultivate to become successful. I’m going to be on the show sometime soon and can tell you, no host I’ve dealt with does as much prep work as Steve. You’ll understand what I mean when you listen because his questions are deep and reveal he’s done his research.

Watch

Muhammad Ali, the new PBS documentary by Ken Burns. Watch it! This 4-part series goes into the life of one of the most well-known people of the last century. As a young man Ali knew something wasn’t right in our country when it came to race. Boxing became his platform to talk about issues that made people feel uncomfortable. People wanted him to shut up and box. After all, he was getting paid huge sums at that time. Sound familiar?

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His third book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

The Influencer – Another Sneak Peek

/0 Comments/by

My next book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is with my editor and on track for release later this year! Below is another sneak peek for your enjoyment. In this chapter the protagonist, John Andrews, learns about the principle of unity in an unexpected way that helps it drop from his head to his heart.

Family Practice

In January John made a trip to New Mexico. Not nearly as populous as Arizona or Texas, he didn’t have many clients there but he was looking for prospects in Albuquerque. That’s where he met Al Harris, the lead physician in an unusual medical facility. Upon arriving at the newly furnished office John felt different than he did with other clients. He noticed a deep camaraderie among the employees. Everyone was friendly, not only with clients, but each other. It went beyond smiles and greetings, they seemed to genuinely enjoy helping each other. It was a family practice that seemed like it was run by an actual family.

After spending time touring the facility they moved to Al’s office. While he was in Al’s office John listened with his eyes and ears. What he noticed was unmistakable.

John took Al to lunch so they could relax and get to know one another. “Al, I do my best to pay close attention to people and the environments I’m in. Something stood out about your office,” John started out.

“Oh really,” Al replied after swallowing a bite of his salad. “What’s that?”

Setting down his fork, John went on, “There’s a closeness between your staff, almost like family. It’s unlike anything I’ve noticed in other physician’s practices. What do you attribute it to?”

Wiping his mouth with the cloth napkin, looking straight into John’s eyes, Al said, “John, I’m going to share something with you that I don’t tell most people unless I see a need for help or the curiosity you displayed. I’m a recovering alcoholic.”

John was taken back because he never would have imagined someone as outgoing, friendly, and successful as Al would struggle with alcohol. Apparently his face betrayed his thoughts because Al said, “You look surprised John.”

A little embarrassed, looking down rather than directly at Al, John confessed, “Al, you don’t fit the image I had of an alcoholic. I mean, recovering alcoholic.”

Al laughed and that put John at ease. “Don’t worry John, you’re not alone in that thought. We come in all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, and walks of life. I’ve been sober for 30 years now.”

“Congratulations! But, what does all of this have to do with what I noticed in the office?” John inquired.

“Not only am I alcoholic,” Al said, “Nearly everyone who works for me is on the road to recovery.” He smiled as he shared that, proud that he was able to help people who are sometimes marginalized by employers. 

That blew John away. Curious he went on, “I had no idea and never would have guessed. I don’t know anyone who is an alcoholic so I wonder; how can you trust someone who struggles with alcohol?”

“Usually when I invite someone in for an interview they feel unqualified to work in an office environment like ours. I tell them if they can beat the disease then anything we ask them to do will seem easy by comparison. They usually light up at that, as if they’re thinking, ‘I never thought of that but he might be right!’” 

John asked an obvious question, “What do you do when someone relapses?”

Finishing his salad, Al said, “We love ‘em, support ‘em, and get them the help they need. If they get back on track, we take ‘em back. If they don’t, we let them know we’re still here to support them but we need people we can rely on because our patients count on us. We’ve only lost two people in 20 years.”

“That’s incredible Al. How does that tie into the family atmosphere I sensed?” John inquired as he sipped his iced tea. 

“Family is as close as we can get. Helping family members is almost like helping ourselves because we share the same genes. The depth of the relationship between alcoholics isn’t genetic but it’s almost unparalleled. Perhaps only people who’ve served in the military share as close a bond. I think most alcoholics would agree with me when I say; helping another alcoholic is almost like helping myself and when they help me they’re also helping themselves. Does that make sense?” Al asked John.

“Completely,” John replied. “I think it goes to something I learned in college. There is a psychological principle called unity that describes it. That principle says it’s easier for people to say yes to those they see as one of them, part of the tribe, so to speak. I’ve always noticed the ‘band of brothers’ with the military but now I see it can apply to people and groups I never considered before.” 

Al shared, “I know what we’re doing is good and it works so well because we’re all in the same boat. It can be tough on regular businesses to hire alcoholics just as it might be for some ex-military to assimilate into ordinary life. There’s a brotherhood in each case that helps.” 

“Al, I appreciate your authenticity and trust to share all of this with me, especially since this is the first time we’ve met. I really look forward to learning more from you as we continue to get to know each other,” John said as he got ready to sign the credit card slip.

When he went back to the hotel he quickly wrote what he learned from Al. Unity was a concept John understood in his head but not in his heart…until that day with Al. He wrote, “Unity is about shared identity. People will be most likely to help others with whom they share an identity. It’s almost as if we is me and me is we.”

Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CMCT

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only a dozen people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.

 

Revisiting Racist Tendencies

/0 Comments/by

Six years ago I wrote an article called I’m Racist, You’re Racist, Everyone is Racist. Sadly, race relations have grown worse since that post appeared in August 2015. With all that’s going on in our country, and around the world, I thought it would be good to revise and repost that article. 

I realize the headline might offend some people but I hope you’ll stay with me to the end of the article and give thought to what I share. Race remains front and center in the United States and it won’t be going away any time soon. From Ferguson to Baltimore to Charleston to George Floyd, as a nation we continue to be confronted by the reality that despite all the strides that have been made since the Civil War, racism is still something we need to wrestle with. 

Are We All Racist?

I’ve given this a lot of thought and realize I’m racist. I don’t mean to be offensive but you’re racist, too. If it makes you feel better, everyone is racist. Think about the least racist person you can imagine. For me that would be Jesus because He loved perfectly. Who is the most racist person you can think of? Hitler comes to mind for me. Now consider this; we all fall somewhere on the spectrum between not racist and completely racist.

Not Racist (Jesus) <================> Completely Racist (Hitler)

Some people are overtly racist, working against people they believe are beneath them for no other reason than they think their race is superior. I believe that group is a small minority of people. Other people don’t try to harm others due to race but still might display attitudes that could be labeled as racist. That’s the category I think most people fall into. Even some people who actively work against racial inequality, such as former MSNBC host Melissa Harris-Perry, occasionally display racially insensitive sentiments. For Harris-Perry this happened when she made comments about Mitt Romney’s adopted grandson who is black.

My Background

Russell Barrow, my best friend and the best man in my wedding, is black. Russell and I have known each other for more than 40 years. I used to speak to him daily on my drive home from work. I remember when he shared his pride the day after Obama was elected president. He never believed he’d see a black man elected to the highest office in the land. He was surprised I remembered instances where he felt discriminated against when we were together. We talk about racism because I want to understand his perspective. I was shocked, and actually cried, when I learned there was a pool in our hometown where he was not allowed to swim as a kid because he was black. I had no idea until he told me decades later.

I was a member of my former company’s diversity committee and actively helped people of color whenever I could. With people of color I regularly talk about issues around race. I’ve read Ibram X. Kendi’s How to be an Antiracist, Robin DiAngelo’s White Fragility, and Isabel Wilkerson’s Caste because I want to understand other perspectives. So how can I be racist?

I don’t say I’m racist because of Kendi’s, DiAngelo’s, or Wilkerson’s views on race or their definitions of racism. There’s much I agree with and much I disagree with regarding each of their views on the issue. I say I’m racist because I know this – I’m no Jesus! I’m very aware of my initial internal responses to certain events. I understand many of my thoughts are triggered at the subconscious level, which means before I realize it, the thought, belief, or attitude that could be considered racist is already there. I can try to deny it or rationalize it away but if I’m honest I need to simply admit it’s there. I don’t beat myself up over it because I know many of our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes are a result of decades of conditioning from factors outside of our control. 

Looking for Similarity

It’s natural for us to feel a closer bond to people we see as similar to ourselves. Evolutionarily this was a survival necessity. Those who looked and spoke like us were probably friends and those who were different might be enemies. Even though we live in a very different time than our ancestors, a time where people need not be feared just because they are different, we can’t help the brain wiring we acquired at birth. All we can do is acknowledge the beliefs and attitudes that surface, then examine our thoughts and hopefully to make new choices to behave differently.

Home Environment 

Another factor is the environment we grew up in. Some of you reading this may have grown up in a mildly or overtly racist home. When that’s all you know that’s your normal. If you believed your parents loved you, and you saw them as good people, then you had no reason to question their views on race or any other topics. The beliefs that were instilled during your formative years die hard.

Outside Influences

Apart from your home, if you had little or no exposure to people who were different, then many of your beliefs may have been formed by outside influences such as the media, friends, and your community. An example of this is how criminals are referred to in the media. Muslims are often viewed as terrorists and blacks are labeled thugs, but many whites who commit terrible crimes are deemed mentally ill. Those stereotypes cause us to look at different groups of people with caution and fear. However, many people look at the white criminal as an outlier, not representative of the race as a whole. When you grow up consistently exposed to these views you begin to harbor attitudes and beliefs without really understanding where they came from. 

Bringing About Change

Examine beliefs and attitudes. It’s natural to defend your position because, at least for some people, acknowledging a belief or attitude might be racist is tantamount to admitting they’re a bad person. That’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s not necessarily the case. We’re not good or bad, we float back and forth between good and bad thoughts, behaviors, etc. 

Initiate conversation. I’ve learned a tremendous amount in my conversations with Russell and other black friends and coworkers. I encourage you to initiate the conversation and ask questions because some people will never bring up the subject. When I’ve initiated conversations, I’ve been amazed at how much people have to share!

Engage liking. During workshops I ask participants, “Does the impact of similarity or liking suggest a retreat from diversity in the workplace?” Some people think looking for similarity might hurt diversity but that would only be the case if you just looked at someone’s exterior. If that’s all you do it would be easy to conclude you’re different solely based on looks. However, the good news is that studies show race and ethnicity differences are overwhelmed when people realize they share the same beliefs, values, and attitudes with one another. 

Conclusion 

The problems we face won’t go away if we put our heads in the sand. This time is different. We have to open ourselves to trying to understand people who are different from us. We may not agree on everything but the dialogue is likely to move us a little closer rather than apart. That will be a big step in the right direction.

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE, LLC. An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, he’s one of only 20 people in the world personally trained by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE: Powerful Everyday Opportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by BookAuthority. His second book, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller in several categories. His newest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, will be available by year-end.

Brian’s LinkedIn Learning courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 400,000 people around the world.